Episode 4 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission. He's been searching far and wide,

assembling an army of extraordinary individuals -

people who boldly adventure where others fear to tread,

people who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

"What's through that door?" and, "Do I really need a parachute?"

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

He's found the World's Craziest Fools.

This programme contains some strong language.

CLASSICAL MUSIC

RECORD RIPS

If you looking for some nice, safe television, then this ain't it.

In fact, things are going to get pretty mean around here.

We got fools with chainsaws, we got fools breaking the law,

we got karate fools with fists flying,

and feet jumping all over the place. Do you think you can handle it?

Do you think you can handle me?

Good. Cos this is BBC Three, the toughest channel on television.

RECORD RIPS AND CLASSICAL MUSIC RESUMES

Humans can't fly yet, but one day they will.

And when mankind achieve their power of flight,

these people will be seen as brave pioneers. Play the clips!

Russia. They don't get BBC Three in Russia,

so the kids there have to make their own entertainment.

On your marks. One, two...

SHE SCREAMS

MUSIC: "Jump" by Flo Rida and Nelly Furtado

Woo-hoo! Who needs TV anyhow, when you can bungee off a building?

A game of basketball.

This guy's not just happy putting a ball through the hoops,

he want to put himself through the hoops.

Now that's a jump shot!

Look at this beautiful scene.

< He's not stopping.

< Oh-ho! Ow!

Sometimes we reach too far.

But if it wasn't for guys like this trying,

we would never have achieved amazing stuff.

Like landing on the moon or inventing cheese.

What's going on over here?

Looks like another guy invented a new sport.

I don't know what the rules are. Did this guy win?

I just made myself a referee and I say he didn't.

LAUGHTER Oh, my God!

Is your back all right?

Now take a look at this fool.

What happened? I took a sip of apple juice and missed it.

Why is there a hole in the roof? Did somebody jump through the roof?

Why did they go do a thing like that?

Here's another guy on a roof.

Why is all these people throwing themselves off roofs?

What's wrong with walking up to your neighbour's door and ringing the bell?

And another one.

OK, look people, this jumping off the roof thing's not really not working out.

Let's call it a day.

What's worse than jumping off a roof?

Jumping out of a plane!

Parachuting is an outdoor sport, don't try to take it indoors.

Next up, this happens.

Argh!

Boom!

-Argh!

-These two should have reconsidered their friendship.

They're not adding anything to each other's lives.

Don't jump, fool!

Why don't these people listen to me?

Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.

This guy's trying to see if gravity still works in the Ukraine.

It does.

What a fool!

Remember, people - only chumps do big jumps.

I want to talk to you about car washes.

You may think you don't need to know about car washes,

but you are wrong.

They are mean, they are dangerous, and they can strike at any time.

If you want to be safe, listen to my rules for car wash fools.

Rule number one, keep your foot away from the accelerator.

In a car wash, brakes are good, accelerators - not good.

Rule number two, stay calm, remain patient, wait your turn.

Boom!

The message here, don't mess with this guy!

Rule number three, don't open your door in the middle of a car wash!

Doors need to be closed at all times.

Rule number four, see rule number three.

MUSIC: "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go

Rule number five, make sure you know

which end is the entrance and which end is the exit.

If you find your car has punched another car in the face,

you know you're probably going the wrong way.

Rule number six, don't wash inside your car with a power hose,

not if you like your electrics.

MUSIC: "Rollin'" by Chamillionaire

Rule number seven,

bath time and car wash time are two separate times. They should not mix.

< Get out the car wash.

Here it comes.

Argh! That was burning!

< "That was burning!"

Rule number eight, remember the rule about keeping your door shut?

The same goes about windows.

Joe, the...

MANIC LAUGHTER

Yeah! No, no, no, no, no.

It's going to come in now. Oh, my God!

MANIC LAUGHTER

Oh, my God. Yo!

Oh, my God!

Rule nine, before you hit the road, check to see if your brakes work.

Error!

There we go. Follow those simple rules

and you should stay safe the next time you go to a car wash.

Or don't go to a car wash -

get a bucket and a sponge and wash your car yourself,

you lazy fool!

Now, quit your jibber-jabber and listen to this.

PHONE DIALLING TONE

I pity that lady.

When I'm hungry, nobody stands between me and my food,

and I'm always hungry.

-You, give me some chicken. It's feeding time. Yum!

-Yum...

MUSIC: "Right Round" by Flo Rida and Keha

MUSIC: "Too Many Man" by Boy Better Know

HE SCREAMS AGONISINGLY

Yeah. Oh, shit!

Back in the '80s, I invented something called karate -

Hoo ha!

You may have heard of it, it spread around the world.

Despite its success, not everyone has got the hang of it.

Take a look at these fools, bless them for trying.

You want me to show you tough, I'll show you tough.

Hai! Hai!

Hai! Hai...

Hai...

Hai...

Hai! Hai!

Hai! Hai! Hai...

I never lose!

I hope you like pain!

Ay!

Ay!

Ay!

Ay...

-You OK?

-No, I'm good, I'm...

John, are you OK?

You guys want to see something?

Hwooah!

Urgh!

Ah!

Uh!

You guys are going to like this one.

Enough of that.

When you can't hurt an apple, you know it's time to give up.

Now, listen to this true story.

Five Mexican thieves who broke into a house in Florida

ended up getting a bit more than they bargained for.

As well as the usual electronics and jewellery,

they came across three boxes of white powder

in the closet of the homeowner's bedroom.

Assuming them to be drugs, they took the boxes with them

and snorted the powder later that evening.

To their disappointment, they didn't even get a little bit high.

It was only later, after they'd been arrested,

that sheriffs told them the truth -

they had in fact shoved up their nose

the cremated ashes of the homeowner's dead father,

and his two beloved Great Danes.

Woof-woof.

OK, listen up.

It's that time of the show when we look at some of those people

breaking the law, and I get angry - I hate criminals.

I'm going to take a deep breath, you watch these clips.

Criminal fools.

You're about to witness a carjacking.

How's the guy going to jack a car, if he can't even drive a car!

What a fool!

Florida, USA.

These two criminals are trying to run through a door

so they can rob a house.

The only thing they're going to run into is the law.

Next up, Texas.

These three bad guys who are thinking about robbing a hotel,

they are too stupid to work out the double door system.

That's it, you better run away,

or I'm going to find you and introduce you to my friend, pain.

This thief saw an open window and tried to steal a mobile phone.

He got stuck, bad news for him.

Don't worry -

where he's going, he's going to get one free phone call.

This house is being robbed,

the burglars are about to make their getaway...

..straight into the pond!

How do you feel now, toe-rag?

Here's a villain trying to break through a roof of a liquor store.

I'm not sure this guy needs any more liquor.

Seems like he's in enough trouble already.

Boom!

He's broken in through the roof, now he can't get out.

This looks like a bad idea.

What a fool.

Send him to a maximum security prison,

let's see if he can bust his way out of that.

Loser.

I know what you're thinking,

those were the dumbest criminals in the world, right?

Wrong, have a listen to this.

Two men were arrested for shoplifting in Oregon

after potentially the worst piece of planning in criminal history.

Having targeting a large superstore on a Wednesday morning,

they proceeded to stuff their backpacks with blenders,

shoes, clothes and electrical tools.

They failed to notice at any stage during their robbery

that it was in fact 'Shop with a Cop Day' at the store,

in which local school children were being shown around

by more than 60 uniformed policemen.

In addition to the cops,

there were also police canine units patrolling the aisles,

and several mounted policemen waiting outside,

as well as the store's own security guards.

The two shoplifters were duly spotted and arrested,

while a clown entertained the children with some balloons.

The men later admitted

that it probably wasn't the ideal time to carry out their crime.

Crime don't pay - when you get caught, you're going to court!

Here's five dumb things criminals have said in front of a judge.

I know I was drunk driving,

but I closed one eye so I wouldn't see double.

I wasn't resisting arrest, I ran from the policeman,

because I thought he was gay.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.

It wasn't me, it was my identical twin.

I didn't mean to murder him, it was a joke.

I forgot I was holding the gun, when I walked into the bank.

Back in the '80s I invented something called a chainsaw.

I had this idea when I saw someone using a chainsaw.

I thought, "That looks like a good idea, I'm going to have that."

Anyway, here's some people using them to cut down some trees.

Enjoy.

We're starting right here in the UK.

This is a great example of how to fell a tree.

And to get back at your neighbours.

I think you owe Alan a new shed.

That'll teach you for borrowing my hammer and not returning it, sucker!

This guy in Mexico is pruning a tree.

What?!

Who's this guy? He doesn't seem to be helping.

I think you could do a better job without him,

send him home, he's just in the way.

Taking your car down to the scrapyard can be expensive.

Here's a cheap way to get it crushed for free.

SCREAMING

Oh, my God!

She flipped out!

You did, Mum, you flipped out.

And here's another one.

LAUGHING

That did not work out according to plan.

At least, I hope it didn't.

If that was a plan, it was a bad plan.

It ain't even a foot tall!

Nice, yeah!

When chopping down a tree,

some people try to save money instead of hiring a professional.

That decision doesn't always work out.

Error.

I think it's time we saw some dumbness from Brazil.

I like the guy who checks to see if there's any damage.

Yeah, there's damage - a big tree fell on your truck.

This is what happens when trees fight back.

SHOUTING

You do not want to get into a fight with nature.

You are small and puny.

Nature is powerful and overwhelming. Nature will win!

Colombia.

Boom!

Hey, suckers, look on the bright side -

at least you've got some wood to build yourself a new fence!

Look at these two guys.

They're putting on a great show for all the neighbourhood.

A tree, a ladder, a chainsaw.

Who cares what's on the telly when you've got this going on outside?

Here's a guy who thinks if you cut down a tree,

he'll get a better view from his house.

Here goes... and it's going the wrong way!

Oh, my gosh!

What house?!

Well, that was not good at all. We just took out half the house.

That's it, that's all we got time for today.

I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Respect the world around you, we all got to live in it.

If everyone treated the world with love and care,

this planet would be cool place to be.

See you next time. So long, suckers.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd