Episode 3 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 3

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission.

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He's been searching far and wide,

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assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like,

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can I fit in that?

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What's through that door? And, do I really need a parachute?

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the world's craziest fools.

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Welcome to my show.

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Today we got fools from all over the world.

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That's right, no-one's safe.

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You think you're safe in Poland? Wrong.

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You think you're safe in Canada? Incorrect.

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You think you're safe in Scotland? Yeah, I'm talking to you,

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hiding up there in John O'Groats. Wait till you see what's coming.

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First have a look at this.

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If you like to drink, sometimes it's hard to know when to stop.

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The correct answer is, about ten drinks before any of these guys.

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Take a look at this.

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This lady was pulled over for erratic driving.

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The police officer lets her off with a caution.

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Caution!

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You think she deserves only a caution?

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You ain't even seen what she's capable of!

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Take a look at this.

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MUSIC: "Danger (Been So Long) by Mystikal ft Nivea

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What a fool!

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Look at this drunk fool.

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He's been arrested and brought to the police station for questioning.

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Fool!

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He's not even in prison yet and he's already trying to bust out.

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Nice try, Shortcake!

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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The Netherlands in Holland.

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LAUGHTER

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This guy's having trouble parking.

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He's parking it, right?

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Now, I am a self-made, self-trained, self-taught

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and self-educated man in the field of foolishness.

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I hold three doctor's degrees in the study of foolology

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and I know a fool when I see one, and this guy's a fool.

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Aagghh!

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Mr T's got a little game for you now.

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It's called Spot The Drunk Guy.

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I'll give you a clue.

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It's him!

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"Dude, where's my car?"

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It's the big metal thing at the end of your face.

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Here's a guy who had one too many beers and five too many tequilas.

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The police have asked him to walk a straight line.

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Can he do it?

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No!

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Don't give me no back talk, sucker,

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and don't give me no back flip either.

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Guess what. It's another loser been driving drunk.

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Let's see if this one can walk a straight line.

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Hold on to the end of that tape for me, real tight?

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Now, can we set that on the ground right there in front of you.

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Ooh!

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Whoa. He can't even stand up.

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You know you're drunk when the ground walks up to you

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and punches you in the face.

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Serbia. This old-timer been given the breathalyser.

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Poor guy, he thinks it's another bottle.

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OFFICER LAUGHS

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I love these cops.

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They can't even arrest him! They're laughing too hard.

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OK, enough laughing officers, arrest that man, he's dangerous!

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Up next...

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This could go on for hours.

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Let's stop watching this and watch something else.

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This guy's so drunk he has driven into a liquor store.

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I'm not sure this guy needs any more liquor.

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Seems like he's in enough trouble already.

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Here's a little message for you - stay alive, don't drink and drive.

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I made a rhyme, so even someone as stupid as you should remember.

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What do you do if you see a drunk driver? That's right.

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You call the police and report it.

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If you can't get through to the police, then you call up Mr T.

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Either way, you get on the phone and you tell someone.

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DIALLING TONE

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Now take a look at these fools.

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MUSIC: "Smash Somethin'" by Redman

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I used to be in the army and I know that even the best soldiers

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can have a bad day from time to time.

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Take a look at these guys.

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MIMICS GUNFIRE

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MUSIC: "Firework" by Katy Perry

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This is a Greek soldier from Greeceland.

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He's doing some regular training exercise

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when a friend comes along to join him.

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Check out this dog.

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He's got a lot of love to give and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

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You should always be ready to receive love,

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no matter what you doing.

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Inside this truck there's a soldier messing with a tear gas canister

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he shouldn't be messing with.

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Remember, these canisters are not designed for fun.

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It's tear gas, not smart gas.

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You let it off, you're going to do some cries.

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A missile test on the back of a US navy aircraft carrier.

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Three, two, one.

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Weapon...

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What the...?!

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If they need that thing fixing, they know where to reach me.

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The first casualty of war is innocence, the second is this guy.

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Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.

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Next up, this happened.

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You've got to try and make it.

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If you go quick, you'll be fine.

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Go faster, faster, faster. Go!

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LAUGHTER

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Look out for your head, people,

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it's where all the happy thoughts are made.

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Here's some soldiers doing some RPG training.

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Keep your eye on the one on the end.

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Don't worry, soldier. I don't blame you, I blame the gun.

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That weapon is a disgrace to its country. It should be ashamed!

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Up next...

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Keep practising and you will get there one day.

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I don't know where there is, but you'll get there!

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Welcome to Russia.

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I'm speechless. I don't often say that.

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I've seen enough.

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End this.

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Here's some soldiers

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trying to do some synchronised jumping jacks.

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Moving quickly and warily is the best way to distract your enemy.

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One, two, three. One, two, three.

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Ain't no way they'll get you

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if you jumping up and down and acting crazy.

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One, two, three, four.

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How many times do I have to tell you people?

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I don't like getting on planes.

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This is why.

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Does this look like fun to you?

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Tell me, does it look like fun?

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This is not fun.

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This is why I stick to boats, cars and trains.

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He's free now. He's going to land safely, but I prefer the bus.

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As you can see, it's tough in the army.

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Here's five tips on how to be a good soldier.

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Number one,

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don't let children play with your weapons.

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They may look sweet and innocent, but they can turn at any time.

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Number two,

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always be prepared to improvise.

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If you run out of sandbags,

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grab the nearest sand-coloured thing and jump on its back.

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Number three,

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keep your mind on the job at all times.

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Yes, that goes for you too, tiny man in the middle.

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Number four,

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if you're going on a long journey, don't forget to fill up on petrol.

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You at the back, stop pretending to push.

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Throw your weight into it, man.

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Number five,

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when serving in a foreign country,

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try to form a strong relationship with the locals.

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Sometimes you have to go above and beyond the call of duty

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to help them feel at ease.

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If you can't handle that

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then maybe you're not cut out to be a soldier.

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MUSIC: "Dirty Face" by Example

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Aargh!

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Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

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That was exciting! What's next?

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DIALLING TONE

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Now, I'm tough, but even I would be hesitant about going ten rounds

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in the ring with that guy.

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Only kidding. I would eat him alive.

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When is it happening? Bring it on!

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Now, anyone who knows Mr T, knows I don't like criminals.

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They make me mad.

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Other things that make me mad include pollution,

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raisins in my salad

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and people who interrupt me when I'm watching A Team re-runs.

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But none of those things make me as mad as criminals.

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Take a look at these losers.

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MUSIC: "Beautiful Nightmare" by Beyonce

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This guy's been caught on camera breaking into a golf shack.

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Once he's in, he can't get back out.

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Why are you trying to open that window?

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Let me tell you what it's going to be like in prison.

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It's going to be hard, lonely.

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And some big guys are going to come up to you, and tell you

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they want to be your friends, but you want to stay away from them.

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I got carried away.

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The point is, don't steal stuff.

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Florida, USA.

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Here's another lawbreaker

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who thinks he can take someone's money and get away with it.

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Now he can't get out.

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What a fool!

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Seems like this guy hates being trapped in a room.

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It could be worse. I could be in there with him.

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Here's another dumb criminal.

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Of course he's dumb, all criminals are dumb.

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This one walks into a bank in Arkansas

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and hands over a note demanding money.

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He obviously didn't do his homework,

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cos he doesn't notice there's a cop sitting right behind him.

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That's right.

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The two of them are going to tango all the way to the police station.

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This is a pharmacy in Florida.

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Looks like crime figures are through the roof again.

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Fools profess to be wise, but they are ignorant.

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They can't do no better because they don't know no better.

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They are fools. The mind is a terrible thing to waste,

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and fools, they have wasted theirs.

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This guy had better head straight to the aspirin aisle

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because he's going to have a huge headache in the morning.

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-POLICE RADIO:

-'Disregard the call.'

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Here's a burglar trying to escape the law by climbing a fence.

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This is the definition of being caught with your pants down.

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You dumb fool.

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You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

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Check this out.

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A burglar breaks into a store by smashing the door on the left.

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Then he tries to leave through the door on the right.

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If you listen to your parents, you would know wrong from right. Toerag!

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It never fails to amaze me how dumb criminals can be.

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You think you've seen the dumbest,

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then someone even dumber comes along and out-dumbs them.

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Like this guy.

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A woman from Pennsylvania

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came home one evening to find her house had been burgled.

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Her windows were smashed and two diamond rings,

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worth more than 3,000, had gone missing.

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The woman was completely distraught

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until she noticed that her computer was switched on.

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It seemed the burglar had taken a break from robbing

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to surf the internet and check his Facebook account.

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He'd then forgotten to log off before he left.

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Police had no trouble tracking him down.

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The hapless but socially connected burglar

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now faces up to ten years behind bars.

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HE LAUGHS

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Seriously, don't mess with the law.

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Germany.

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This guy thinks he can break the world record for smashing coconuts.

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My advice - stick to peaches or bananas,

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or maybe plums.

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Basically any soft fruit. It takes strong fists to defeat hard fruit.

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Taekwondo.

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This man is about to unleash some fury

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upon a bunch of cinder blocks that were asking for it.

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Come on, man.

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Hurt those cinder blocks. They are mocking you.

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They are calling you names. Make them taste your pain.

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He's showing them mercy.

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That's the true sign of a champion.

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Sometime it takes more strength just to walk away.

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Time for some more tae.

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Work the shin, OK?

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Work the shin.

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Take it away, champ.

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OK, we try one more time.

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Aagghh, cha!

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Doesn't want to break, huh?

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Hey, who's back there in the background?

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Is that you, Balboa?

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I want you, Balboa. You owe me a rematch.

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Grrr! You're still dead meat. Grrrr!

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Aaah!

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Agghh, ya!

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Anyway...

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This guy, he's the master of suspense.

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Look at him teasing us.

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Stop teasing us and show me some anger!

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Ah!

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Conclusion...

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unsuccessful.

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Watch out for the guy in the background.

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Did you see him? Of course you did, because I told you.

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Listening to Mr T always pays off.

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That's the end of the show.

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Some of you are going to turn off your TVs and go to bed,

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because you're good people

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and you appreciate the benefit of a early night.

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But before you do, here's my final thought.

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Whatever you do, make sure you've got a plan.

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If you fail to plan, you planning to fail.

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See you next time. So long, suckers.

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Grrrr!

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# Well, I pity the fool... #

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Gaaah! Uh! Uh! Uh!

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# You know, I pity the fool

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# I said, I pity the fool

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# She'll break your heart one day

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# Then she'll laugh as she walks away

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# Yeah, I pity the fool

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# Well, look at the people

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# Makes you wonder what they're doing

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# They're just standing there... #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

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Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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