Episode 2 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 2

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission.

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He's been searching far and wide,

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assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread,

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people who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

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"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the world's craziest fools.

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Hey, you. Shut up!

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If you weren't talking, shut up anyway.

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My name is Mr T and you're watching my show.

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Today we got fools wrestling snakes,

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we got fools falling off ladders.

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We got fools going one on one with nature and losing.

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We got all kind of crazy stuff. First, this thing is happening.

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Fools walking into stuff.

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Some days you feel like it's you against the world.

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Here's some days when the world won.

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Check out this guy. He's late for a meeting.

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Boom!

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Don't worry about it.

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Take off that shirt, go into that meeting

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and give the best presentation you've ever given in your life.

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And then ask for a pay raise.

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This is CCTV from a shop in Canada.

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That's a lesson for you all.

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Just because something is pink, don't mean it can't kick your butt.

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An electronics shop in America.

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Watch out for that woman in the top left hand corner.

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Don't mess with windows. They don't care about your feelings.

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They are selfish and mean.

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Keep your eye on the door on the right.

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It's not a door. You just made the same mistake he did. Suckers!

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See how easy it is?

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At last, here's a guy who listened to Mr T.

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That's right. Always use your head.

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Boom!

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Now take a look at these fools.

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MUSIC: "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J

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Next time you're walking down a street, keep your eyes and ears open.

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I don't want to see you getting hurt.

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If I find out you went and got yourself hurt,

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I will hunt you down and hurt you myself.

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A lot of people go around talking about dumb animals.

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What they don't know is, a lot of animals go around talking about dumb people.

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Here's why.

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She's a wonderful critter...

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Australia. This guy's about to take on a spider.

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..they move lightning fast, that's how they catch their pray.

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I'll try to catch her with my best spider sensor, this food container.

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-Can you see Daddy and spider?

-Yeah, I can.

-OK.

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Daddy, careful.

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Decided to get a bigger container

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because of the size of this one. I'll have to be really quick.

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CHILD SCREAMS

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Here's a tip.

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Never mess with something with four times as many legs as you.

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That's just basic math!

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Chengdu Zoo in China.

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This guy is about to show us

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why you shouldn't stand too close to the panda cage.

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That's a nice jacket.

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This panda's going to be the best dressed animal in the zoo.

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Up next, this.

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Check out this guy.

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He's got a lot of love to give and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

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You should always be ready to receive love,

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no matter what you doing.

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I've seen enough. End this.

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Check this out.

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You know what this guy's problem is? He's too sexy.

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He's driving those monkeys wild with his sexiness.

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They can't help themselves!

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If you're this sexy, don't go to the zoo.

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Now take a look at this fool.

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The lesson here, always be vigilant.

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You never know where an attack is coming from.

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Welcome to the USA.

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MAN: No, I don't know about that...

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Oh. Oh!

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THEY LAUGH

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No, I don't know about that...

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I pity the fool!

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What's going on here?!

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This is all kinds of wrong.

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Let's look at this again.

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Here's what happens if you get too close to a horse's butt.

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You end up looking like a horse's butt.

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Those horse shoes don't seem too lucky now, do they? Sucker!

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Now you know what happens when you go messing with wild animals.

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But I've got news for you. Keeping them as pets ain't good either.

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Now listen to this real-life police call.

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I'm just driving along having a nice day out.

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Oh, no, what's happening? I left the handbrake off. Boom!

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You just witnessed an example of how an accident happens.

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Here's a bunch of people who left their handbrakes off. Take a look.

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Mexico. This guy pulled up to a store.

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Maybe he wants to buy himself a certain delicious chocolate bar with nuts in it.

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MUSIC: "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green

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He's thinking, "Where did my truck go? Where did I leave it again?"

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"Maybe I left it inside the shop!"

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"Inside or outside, I wish I could remember where I parked it."

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An underground parking garage.

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Here's a curious guy.

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He wants to see if he can park his car, buy a ticket

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and open the parking gate at the same time.

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He can't.

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This teacher forgot to put his handbrake on

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and ended up chasing his BMW down a hill.

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Get in, get in, get in, get it, get it!

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Chasing a car is a great way to exercise.

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Exercise is important to keep your body healthy and toned.

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I do 3,000 press-ups a day, then I have breakfast.

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Things are pretty slow round here.

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It must be boring being the security guard,

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sitting around watching CCTV all day.

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That's why this nice driver has decided to liven things up a bit.

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It's important to make people laugh.

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I employ seven people to keep me entertained with jokes on a daily basis.

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That's why I'm always in a such good mood.

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MR T LAUGHS

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This bus driver forgot to put his handbrake on,

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then got his arm stuck in the door.

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It's a nice try, but there are only two people in the world

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who can stop a runaway bus.

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And I'm both of 'em.

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South Africa.

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In this showroom, someone's just about to buy a brand-new vehicle.

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Before you sign on the dotted line,

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I recommend not signing on the dotted line.

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You might want to buy a car that comes with a handbrake instead.

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This lady parked up and is off to do some shopping.

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Let's see. Hmm...

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Milk, eggs, washing up liquid...

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Oh! You'd better get a brand-new car while you're at it.

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Also get me some chicken, I'm hungry.

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England.

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This lady is stuck in the snow.

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She gets out of her car to push but ends up losing control.

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She's an idiot. She's left her car in gear, and she comes out.

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It's about to hit the house.

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Oh, my God!

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What a fool!

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Welcome to Russia. Something exciting is about to go down.

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This is what happened when it snowed.

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If it snows, I recommend that you stay indoors and watch The A-Team.

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This mailman in America pulls up to a gas station and forgets to put his handbrake on.

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I always stay too long...

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The van rolls straight onto a busy highway.

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Then, amazingly, it rolls straight back around again.

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-Right back into place.

-Suddenly I found myself somewhere...

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Someone better give that van a promotion.

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Also, give it a raise.

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Whatever that van's earning, double it!

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Now take a listen to this phone call.

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I once got locked in a car with nothing but two coathangers, and my furry dice and a blow torch.

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I built a helicopter and flew my way out!

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Sports fools!

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Look at me. What you see is an outstanding sportsman.

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I've won six Olympic gold medals.

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You might not know that, the Olympic Committee don't know it either, but I know it, and that's what counts.

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Anyway, here's some rules for sports fools.

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Rule number one - showing off is nothing, playing the game is everything.

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Boom! Rule number two - understand the objective of the game you are playing.

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If you are playing soccer, you're supposed to get the ball in the back of the soccer net.

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Rule number three - whatever happens, try and cross the finish line.

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Failing that, try and at least cross the starting line!

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Rule number four - if you are playing a team sport, make sure you remember what team you on!

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There ain't no I in team, but there is a T.

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Rule number five - play by the rules.

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If that's not working out for you, break the rules, make some new rules.

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Look at this guy, he'll stop at nothing to win.

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He's a champion.

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There's another rule in sports, rule six - never celebrate too early.

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Here's a bunch of fools who learned it the hard way. Pity them!

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# All I do is win, win, win No matter what

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# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

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# And every time I step up In the building

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# Everybody hands go up

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# And they stay there

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# And they say yeah

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# Cos all I do is win, win, win

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# And if you going in put your hands in the air

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# Ludacris goin in on the verse cos I never been defeated

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# And I won't stop now Keep your hands up

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# Get 'em in the sky For the homies that didn't make it

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# And my folks locked down I never went nowhere

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# They saying Luda's back Blame it on that conjure

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# The hood call it Ludayac

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# And I'm on this foolish track so I spit my foolish flows

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# My hands go up and down Like strippers' booties go

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# My verses still be serving Tight like a million virgins

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# Last time on a Khaled remix Now I'm on the original version

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# Can't never count me out Y'all better count me in

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# Got 20 bank accounts Accountants count me in

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# Make millions every year The south's champion

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# Cos all I do, all I All I, all I

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# All I do is win, win, win No matter what

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# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

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# And every time I step up in the building

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# Everybody hands go up

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# And they stay there And they say yeah

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# And they stay there

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# Up, down, up, down

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# Cos all I do is win, win, win

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# And if you going in Put your hands in the air

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# Make 'em stay there Win, win, win no matter what

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# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

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# And everytime I step up In the building

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# Everybody hands go up

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# And they stay there And they say yeah

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-# And they stay there

-Up, down, up, down

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# Cos all I do is win, win, win

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# And if you going in Put your hands in the air

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# Make 'em stay there. #

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LAUGHTER

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Remember, people, it ain't time to shine till you crossed the line.

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In my time, I've been a wrestler,

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a soldier, a bouncer, a bodyguard, a television and a film actor.

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I know work can be tough.

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This section, in honour of good men and women who keep on going, no matter what stands in their way.

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# Sometimes there's gonna be days like this... #

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Italy. This guy has been called to repair a surveillance camera.

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Well, the camera works!

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This man had just made sure his moment has been recorded in history.

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This guy is trying to get some boxes out of a truck.

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The boxes are now out of the truck.

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I can't imagine a way to get them out of the truck quicker.

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This was a successful truck-emptying mission.

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What's going on here?

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I'm going to assume these guys were hired

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to knock down those two glass doors at the front of the building.

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Having made that assumption, I would say these guys have done a pretty good job.

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Mexico, and this cleaner's taking a new approach to washing automatic doors.

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LAUGHTER

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Now, those guys filming her are laughing, but I think she's a genius. Why do all the work?

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Just hold them up still and make the doors work for you.

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Next up, Texas.

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Now we don't have to strain ourselves reaching for those top-shelf items.

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We can just pick them right off the floor!

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These guys have just spent hours loading all those trolleys onto the back of a truck.

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Now we know why the wheels on those things are always messed up!

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Locker rooms can be boring.

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Here's how to make them fun.

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I love dominoes. It's a great way to make boring afternoons fly by.

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You're looking at a supermarket.

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Don't worry, this lady won't be defeated.

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She'll learn from this and come back stronger.

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These glass doors aren't opening properly, so along come a couple of guys to try to fix it. That did it.

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Ain't no problem getting in and out now!

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Next up, this happens.

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Just cut it. Just cut it.

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Come on now.

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-You better get that rope!

-Ah!

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I'm not sure what this guy is trying to accomplish.

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But if it's falling, then this is a win.

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Now listen to this true story.

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A Hong Kong man aged 50 entered the accident and emergency department

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at a hospital complaining of abdominal pain.

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Wondering what had caused this problem, doctors ordered an X-ray

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and spotted what appeared to be an eel inside his colon.

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Yes, the man admitted, there was an eel inside him.

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He'd been suffering from constipation,

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he told the dubious medical staff,

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and thought that inserting an eel into his rectum would relieve it.

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The man was rushed to the operating room where an emergency proctoscopy

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disclosed that a 50cm eel was biting the side of his colon.

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The eel had also taken a bite out of his rectal wall in transit.

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After surgeons removed the animal and reconstructed his rectum,

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the man's pain was cured.

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Also, he discovered that he was no longer constipated. Hurrah.

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Now watch this!

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Number one.

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A baseball.

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I think that's gone into the foul zone.

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Number two.

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A rolled up copy of Church Times magazine.

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Get thee behind me, Satan!

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Number three.

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A bottle of Mrs Butterworth's delicious syrup.

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It goes well with chocolate pancakes.

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Number four.

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A pair of reading glasses.

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Whatever they were looking for, I hope they found it.

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Number five. A lightbulb. Whose bright idea was that?

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That's it, the show's over.

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I know it makes you sad, but guess what! It's OK to cry.

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Real men aren't afraid to show their tears.

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Like my mother always said, never trust a man who don't cry.

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See you next time.

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So long, suckers!

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# I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# Mmm, I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# That falls in love with you

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# And expects you to be true Oh, I pity the fool

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# Look at the people

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# I know you're wondering what they're doing

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# They're just standing there

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# Watching you make a fool of me... #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

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Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for wimps.


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