Episode 8 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 8

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission.

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He's been searching far and wide, assembling an army

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of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like,

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"Can I fit in that?"

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"What's through that door?"

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and "Do I really need a parachute?"

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he's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the world's craziest fools.

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What are you looking at?

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I'll tell you what you're looking at - me, on TV.

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Here's what's on my show today.

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Fools jumping off boats, fools playing with fire,

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fools climbing into things they shouldn't be climbing into.

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The adventure starts here. It's going to be fun, it'll be wild.

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Let's get this party started.

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What do you know about fire?

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I'll tell you what I know about fire. It's hot,

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it's hard to control and it has a terrible sense of humour.

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Here it is, playing mean jokes on a bunch of chumps.

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What happens when you play with matches?

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That's right! You get burned.

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And you can cause an explosion.

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Explosions are not your friends, people.

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Explosions only want to do one thing and that's hurt you.

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If you see an explosion coming, get out of the way!

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Yeah, yeah!

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HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

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Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go!

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Lighting a bonfire can be a great spectacle

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for your family and friends.

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Why not make it even more exciting by combining it with a little dance?

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Woah! Woah!

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SCREAMING

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Run away!

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LAUGHTER

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Woo!

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What's going on here?

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This looks like a bad idea.

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SCREAMING

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Oh, my God!

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Remember, it ain't no game if it ends with the flame.

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Oh, my (BEEP) God!

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-Hey!

-I'm on fire, baby!

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You dumb fool! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

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Next up, Texas.

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It'll be fine.

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This man is lighting a bonfire.

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Also, he's creating a great show

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for the people in the aeroplanes flying overhead.

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Oh!

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, my God!

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Their flight to Venezuela just got a whole lot better.

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, my God!

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-Are you all together?

-Yeah, I might have lost an eyebrow.

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-Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

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Now, take a look at these fools.

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HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

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Oh!

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This is all kinds of wrong.

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Oh! Oh!

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If you walk among the wise, you become wise.

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If you walk among the tough, you become tough.

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But if you walk among the fools, you become a fool.

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Now listen to this true story.

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A fun day out at Illawarra Park in Australia was ruined

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when one 26-year-old man

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got the wrong end of the stick.

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Having heard it was possible to light a firecracker

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from in between the cheeks of your buttocks,

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he thought it would be a good idea to give it a go.

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Unfortunately, he put the firecracker in

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the wrong way round.

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The rocket exploded up his rear end.

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An ambulance was called and the man survived,

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though his injuries would forever be a pain in the backside.

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The acting senior sergeant of the local police said,

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"We do caution people against these acts."

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We've just seen that fire and alcohol is not a good combination.

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Alcohol and alcohol are not a good combination either.

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Time to see some dumb drunks.

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A lot of people drink to forget. Well, I got news for you.

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No matter how much you drink, you're never going to forget

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doing stupid stuff like this.

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Here's a guy who had too much beer.

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He's attempting to buy more beer.

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He really doesn't need more beer.

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Luckily for him, his legs and his arms are aware of the problem.

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They're doing everything they can to prevent him

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from getting any more beer.

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The human body is a wonderful thing. It never ceases to amaze me.

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Most people go for a drink after work,

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but this guy in Poland is trying a different approach.

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He's seeing what it's like to have a few drinks BEFORE he goes to work.

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LAUGHTER

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THEY SPEAK POLISH

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I could have told him what it's like.

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It's like all kinds of stupid.

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If you have a job, it's important. He shouldn't be going

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to work drunk, he should be going to work alert.

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Here's a guy who's dressed as Santa Claus.

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He's drunk and he's out of control.

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Boom!

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It could be worse. He could be out on his sleigh,

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posing a dangerous hazard to people in the sky.

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What do you call two drunk Russians, rolling around in the mud?

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I call it friendship.

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It's a beautiful thing. I could watch this for hours.

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I've seen enough. End this!

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Is there a quicker way to put on your helmet

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than the traditional method?

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This Ukrainian guy is trying to find out.

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It might be time to give up now.

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I don't think that breakthrough is coming.

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Take a look at this drunk guy.

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He's trying to put his trousers on where his shirt should be.

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LAUGHTER

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They're laughing at him, but so what?

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They laughed at Columbus when he said the earth was round.

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In a hundred years' time,

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we might all be wearing our trousers on our arms.

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Here's a couple of drunk ladies taking it out on each other

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with their handbags.

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It's good to get grievances off your chest,

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but make sure you stay in control.

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Anger - use it, but don't lose it.

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Up next, this.

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All right, mate?

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How are ya? Not good?

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Too much drinking?

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LAUGHTER

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Too much drinking, eh?

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Oh, woah, woah!

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Be careful!

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How do you test the strength of a fence?

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This drunken Australian guy knows exactly how.

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LAUGHTER

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Now we know exactly how strong it is -

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not quite strong enough to lean on.

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Now take a listen to this phone call.

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TELEPHONE RINGS

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Listen up, people. The police are there for emergencies only.

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Use them, don't abuse them.

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England. This guy dived into a drain

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when his best friend dropped his keys down there. Now he's stuck.

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I like this guy's loyalty. He can be my friend.

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He can come over my house and we can play football together.

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How weird!

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Here's a kid stuck in a sink hole at the end of his garden.

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LAUGHTER

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I like it when young 'uns offer to help with the gardening.

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It's good for them to be outside in the fresh air.

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I'm getting cramp in my toes!

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Alan Titchmarsh would be proud.

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-Come on, get out.

-Get me out!

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This lady has climbed into a tumble dryer. Now she can't get out again.

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LAUGHTER

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Shove your butt the other way.

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Hey, lady. What are you doing in there?

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You doing your laundry? That's responsible.

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Climbing into a dryer? That's just dumb.

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-You have to rotate your butt.

-I (BEEP) can't!

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-Pull your butt in.

-I can't!

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Give me your hand.

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-It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt.

-No.

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I can't do it!

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Put your head back in there.

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Wait a little... Ah, come on, wait!

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LAUGHTER

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She almost got it.

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Oh, my God! This was (BEEP) hilarious.

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Ta-da!

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Don't ever dare me to get in the trash can...

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I mean, the (BEEP) dryer again!

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This lady is stuck down a big hole.

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I don't know why she's down there,

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but I'll assume there was a good reason.

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Maybe she's digging for some buried treasure.

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Maybe she's building herself a hot tub.

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Or maybe she forgot where she parked her car.

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You can get up.

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Anyway, that's detail.

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I can't go like this!

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The point is, she's down a hole.

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-You've got to scoot towards me some more.

-Mom, I know!

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-Well, have a rest for a minute.

-I'll have a seizure if you don't stop!

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OK, this is my second attempt.

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Here's a question. Can a man fit inside of a balloon?

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I didn't say it was a good question.

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Anyway, we are moments away from knowing the answer.

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Oh, forgot the glasses.

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They've got to come off.

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Well, my head's inside.

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ABC, Always Be Cool.

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DEF, Don't Entertain Fools.

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Woah!

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Darn it!

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Where's Wesley when you need him?

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(BEEP)

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Oh, great. I'm becoming trapped in the balloon.

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Trapped! Oh, I hate this!

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Hnngh!

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What a fool!

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If climbing inside a balloon isn't your bag, take a look at this.

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It's some fools blowing up smaller balloons

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and pulling them on their heads.

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OK.

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I'm really bored. I was hanging out with Michael and Rashid earlier

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and Rashid carries condoms

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in his pocket.

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Here it is!

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I'm going to put it on my head.

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# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you

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# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you

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# I'm like a rubber ball, baby

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# That's all I am to you

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# Bouncy bouncy, bouncy bouncy

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# Just a rubber ball... #

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LAUGHTER

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SHE EXHALES

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LAUGHTER

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Ah!

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Some people can't run as fast as me. That's why, back in the '80s,

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I invented something called a motorway. You may have heard of it.

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It's a big road where people drive real fast and crazy stuff happens.

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Take a look at this.

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Keep your eye on the car in front.

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It's got a interesting passenger in the back seat.

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-Yeah, there's a horse in the car.

-Smile, horsey!

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-There's a horse in the car!

-I like this horse.

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I like the look on his face.

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"Yeah, I'm a horse and I'm in a car.

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"What's the big deal? You don't expect me to take the bus, did you?"

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Next up, this.

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We're driving on the freeway and I looked over...

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..and this guy's reading a book.

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Wait...

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LAUGHTER

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-Is that a (BEEP) iPad?

-I think it's a Kindle.

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Is it a Kindle and a book?

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The only way this is OK is if this guy's reading The Highway Code.

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LAUGHTER

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No way!

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Turn to page 35, fool.

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You'll see what you doing is illegal.

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Albania.

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This guy is seeing what it's like without tyres on his wheels.

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Looks like it's working for him.

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I'd like to see what other bits in the car he could do without.

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Doors? Don't need 'em.

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Seats? Get rid of them. Radio?

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Actually, let's keep the radio.

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I'm enjoying listening to Olly Murs.

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This truck driver is tired of being weighed down by his heavy load.

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That's better. Now he'll get to his destination twice as fast.

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He's freed up some time for a quick workout.

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I hate waiting in line for toll booths.

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This guy does too.

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"What happened to the other car?"

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"Forget about the other car. I'm here now, deal with me."

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Don't worry, everyone's OK.

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You know what gets me about motorways?

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There's nowhere to pull over.

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What do you do if you want to stop and have a snack?

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That's it, just park right there in the middle of the roundabout.

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Nice thinking.

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Welcome to the USA. Keep your eye on the bridge.

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Congratulations, sir. You now own the world's first convertible lorry.

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Just because you're sitting in the car,

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doesn't mean you can't catch up on your exercise.

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This guy's showing how to work those triceps,

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while also keeping your windshield nice and clean.

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This guy's using a long journey to answer a stupid question.

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What's better, inside the car or outside the car?

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Inside the car is warmer and has snacks in the glove compartment.

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Outside of the car, there's no snacks.

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No snacks, no contest.

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Some of those drivers will have pretty interesting stories

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to tell their insurance companies, but they are no match for these.

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Here's five dumb motor insurance claims. Listen up!

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Number 1.

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I was going at 80 miles per hour, when my girlfriend reached over

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and grabbed my testicles, which caused me to lose control.

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HORN HONKING

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Number two.

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I blew my horn, which didn't work

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because it had been stolen.

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Number three.

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Coming home, I drove into the wrong house

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and collided with a tree I haven't got.

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Number four.

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Well, to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front,

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-I struck a pedestrian.

-Argh!

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Number five.

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I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road.

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So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.

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Remember, people. The best insurance policy you could ever buy is safety.

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LAUGHTER

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Close your eyes.

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I want you to imagine you're on a boat in the middle of the sea.

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The water is rocking you from side to side,

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the wind is rushing through your Mohawk.

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How do you feel?

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Pretty peaceful? Wrong!

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Danger can strike at any time. You're never safe on a boat.

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Shouldn't have closed your eyes in the first place.

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Here's some rules for boating fools.

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Rule number one, take care when docking your boat.

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If you're not sure what land is, it's the brown stuff.

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It comes after the blue stuff.

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Rule number two...

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Ooh!

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Be careful when moving about your boat.

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Ooh! Are you all right?

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Rule number three.

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Be careful when jumping into the sea.

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Rule number four, wear a lifejacket at all times.

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You never know when the sea will claim you.

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Rule number five, don't drive your boat into another boat.

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He's a wrecking machine!

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He will knock you into tomorrow! Huh!

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Rule number six, boat time and disco time

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are two separate times.

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They should not mix.

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Oh, (BEEP)!

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Don't take a cruise on a ship of fools.

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Being on a boat can bring out the fool in you.

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Sometimes it can bring out the fool in you

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before you even made it to the sea. Listen to this.

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On Lake Isabella in California,

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a woman appeared to be having problems with her new boat.

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Having launched it into the water,

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she found the 22-foot yacht sluggish

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and difficult to manoeuvre.

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No matter how much throttle she applied, it wouldn't go faster.

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Seeing her having trouble, one of the marina workers

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offered to jump into the water and check the underside of her boat.

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When he resurfaced, he almost choked

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because he was laughing so hard.

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Under the boat, strapped securely in place,

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was the woman's car.

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She had forgotten to unattach the trailer.

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Pretty wild stuff, huh?

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Those last fools got me to thinking about my final thought

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and here it is. You can't stop the waves,

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but you can learn to surf.

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Think about it!

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See you next time. So long, suckers. Huh!

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

0:27:570:27:59

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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