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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,
you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
Mr T is on a special mission.
He's been searching far and wide, assembling an army
of extraordinary individuals.
People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.
People who dare to do things differently.
People who aren't afraid to ask questions like,
"Can I fit in that?"
"What's through that door?"
and "Do I really need a parachute?"
he's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.
He's found the world's craziest fools.
What are you looking at?
I'll tell you what you're looking at - me, on TV.
Here's what's on my show today.
Fools jumping off boats, fools playing with fire,
fools climbing into things they shouldn't be climbing into.
The adventure starts here. It's going to be fun, it'll be wild.
Let's get this party started.
What do you know about fire?
I'll tell you what I know about fire. It's hot,
it's hard to control and it has a terrible sense of humour.
Here it is, playing mean jokes on a bunch of chumps.
What happens when you play with matches?
That's right! You get burned.
And you can cause an explosion.
Explosions are not your friends, people.
Explosions only want to do one thing and that's hurt you.
If you see an explosion coming, get out of the way!
HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go!
Lighting a bonfire can be a great spectacle
for your family and friends.
Why not make it even more exciting by combining it with a little dance?
What's going on here?
This looks like a bad idea.
Oh, my God!
Remember, it ain't no game if it ends with the flame.
Oh, my (BEEP) God!
-I'm on fire, baby!
You dumb fool! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Next up, Texas.
It'll be fine.
This man is lighting a bonfire.
Also, he's creating a great show
for the people in the aeroplanes flying overhead.
Oh, my God!
Their flight to Venezuela just got a whole lot better.
Oh, my God!
-Are you all together?
-Yeah, I might have lost an eyebrow.
-Are you all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
Now, take a look at these fools.
HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
This is all kinds of wrong.
If you walk among the wise, you become wise.
If you walk among the tough, you become tough.
But if you walk among the fools, you become a fool.
Now listen to this true story.
A fun day out at Illawarra Park in Australia was ruined
when one 26-year-old man
got the wrong end of the stick.
Having heard it was possible to light a firecracker
from in between the cheeks of your buttocks,
he thought it would be a good idea to give it a go.
Unfortunately, he put the firecracker in
the wrong way round.
The rocket exploded up his rear end.
An ambulance was called and the man survived,
though his injuries would forever be a pain in the backside.
The acting senior sergeant of the local police said,
"We do caution people against these acts."
We've just seen that fire and alcohol is not a good combination.
Alcohol and alcohol are not a good combination either.
Time to see some dumb drunks.
A lot of people drink to forget. Well, I got news for you.
No matter how much you drink, you're never going to forget
doing stupid stuff like this.
Here's a guy who had too much beer.
He's attempting to buy more beer.
He really doesn't need more beer.
Luckily for him, his legs and his arms are aware of the problem.
They're doing everything they can to prevent him
from getting any more beer.
The human body is a wonderful thing. It never ceases to amaze me.
Most people go for a drink after work,
but this guy in Poland is trying a different approach.
He's seeing what it's like to have a few drinks BEFORE he goes to work.
THEY SPEAK POLISH
I could have told him what it's like.
It's like all kinds of stupid.
If you have a job, it's important. He shouldn't be going
to work drunk, he should be going to work alert.
Here's a guy who's dressed as Santa Claus.
He's drunk and he's out of control.
It could be worse. He could be out on his sleigh,
posing a dangerous hazard to people in the sky.
What do you call two drunk Russians, rolling around in the mud?
I call it friendship.
It's a beautiful thing. I could watch this for hours.
I've seen enough. End this!
Is there a quicker way to put on your helmet
than the traditional method?
This Ukrainian guy is trying to find out.
It might be time to give up now.
I don't think that breakthrough is coming.
Take a look at this drunk guy.
He's trying to put his trousers on where his shirt should be.
They're laughing at him, but so what?
They laughed at Columbus when he said the earth was round.
In a hundred years' time,
we might all be wearing our trousers on our arms.
Here's a couple of drunk ladies taking it out on each other
with their handbags.
It's good to get grievances off your chest,
but make sure you stay in control.
Anger - use it, but don't lose it.
Up next, this.
All right, mate?
How are ya? Not good?
Too much drinking?
Too much drinking, eh?
Oh, woah, woah!
How do you test the strength of a fence?
This drunken Australian guy knows exactly how.
Now we know exactly how strong it is -
not quite strong enough to lean on.
Now take a listen to this phone call.
Listen up, people. The police are there for emergencies only.
Use them, don't abuse them.
England. This guy dived into a drain
when his best friend dropped his keys down there. Now he's stuck.
I like this guy's loyalty. He can be my friend.
He can come over my house and we can play football together.
Here's a kid stuck in a sink hole at the end of his garden.
I like it when young 'uns offer to help with the gardening.
It's good for them to be outside in the fresh air.
I'm getting cramp in my toes!
Alan Titchmarsh would be proud.
-Come on, get out.
-Get me out!
This lady has climbed into a tumble dryer. Now she can't get out again.
Shove your butt the other way.
Hey, lady. What are you doing in there?
You doing your laundry? That's responsible.
Climbing into a dryer? That's just dumb.
-You have to rotate your butt.
-I (BEEP) can't!
-Pull your butt in.
Give me your hand.
-It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt.
I can't do it!
Put your head back in there.
Wait a little... Ah, come on, wait!
She almost got it.
Oh, my God! This was (BEEP) hilarious.
Don't ever dare me to get in the trash can...
I mean, the (BEEP) dryer again!
This lady is stuck down a big hole.
I don't know why she's down there,
but I'll assume there was a good reason.
Maybe she's digging for some buried treasure.
Maybe she's building herself a hot tub.
Or maybe she forgot where she parked her car.
You can get up.
Anyway, that's detail.
I can't go like this!
The point is, she's down a hole.
-You've got to scoot towards me some more.
-Mom, I know!
-Well, have a rest for a minute.
-I'll have a seizure if you don't stop!
OK, this is my second attempt.
Here's a question. Can a man fit inside of a balloon?
I didn't say it was a good question.
Anyway, we are moments away from knowing the answer.
Oh, forgot the glasses.
They've got to come off.
Well, my head's inside.
ABC, Always Be Cool.
DEF, Don't Entertain Fools.
Where's Wesley when you need him?
Oh, great. I'm becoming trapped in the balloon.
Trapped! Oh, I hate this!
What a fool!
If climbing inside a balloon isn't your bag, take a look at this.
It's some fools blowing up smaller balloons
and pulling them on their heads.
I'm really bored. I was hanging out with Michael and Rashid earlier
and Rashid carries condoms
in his pocket.
Here it is!
I'm going to put it on my head.
# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you
# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you
# I'm like a rubber ball, baby
# That's all I am to you
# Bouncy bouncy, bouncy bouncy
# Just a rubber ball... #
Some people can't run as fast as me. That's why, back in the '80s,
I invented something called a motorway. You may have heard of it.
It's a big road where people drive real fast and crazy stuff happens.
Take a look at this.
Keep your eye on the car in front.
It's got a interesting passenger in the back seat.
-Yeah, there's a horse in the car.
-There's a horse in the car!
-I like this horse.
I like the look on his face.
"Yeah, I'm a horse and I'm in a car.
"What's the big deal? You don't expect me to take the bus, did you?"
Next up, this.
We're driving on the freeway and I looked over...
..and this guy's reading a book.
-Is that a (BEEP) iPad?
-I think it's a Kindle.
Is it a Kindle and a book?
The only way this is OK is if this guy's reading The Highway Code.
Turn to page 35, fool.
You'll see what you doing is illegal.
This guy is seeing what it's like without tyres on his wheels.
Looks like it's working for him.
I'd like to see what other bits in the car he could do without.
Doors? Don't need 'em.
Seats? Get rid of them. Radio?
Actually, let's keep the radio.
I'm enjoying listening to Olly Murs.
This truck driver is tired of being weighed down by his heavy load.
That's better. Now he'll get to his destination twice as fast.
He's freed up some time for a quick workout.
I hate waiting in line for toll booths.
This guy does too.
"What happened to the other car?"
"Forget about the other car. I'm here now, deal with me."
Don't worry, everyone's OK.
You know what gets me about motorways?
There's nowhere to pull over.
What do you do if you want to stop and have a snack?
That's it, just park right there in the middle of the roundabout.
Welcome to the USA. Keep your eye on the bridge.
Congratulations, sir. You now own the world's first convertible lorry.
Just because you're sitting in the car,
doesn't mean you can't catch up on your exercise.
This guy's showing how to work those triceps,
while also keeping your windshield nice and clean.
This guy's using a long journey to answer a stupid question.
What's better, inside the car or outside the car?
Inside the car is warmer and has snacks in the glove compartment.
Outside of the car, there's no snacks.
No snacks, no contest.
Some of those drivers will have pretty interesting stories
to tell their insurance companies, but they are no match for these.
Here's five dumb motor insurance claims. Listen up!
I was going at 80 miles per hour, when my girlfriend reached over
and grabbed my testicles, which caused me to lose control.
I blew my horn, which didn't work
because it had been stolen.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house
and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Well, to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front,
-I struck a pedestrian.
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road.
So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
Remember, people. The best insurance policy you could ever buy is safety.
Close your eyes.
I want you to imagine you're on a boat in the middle of the sea.
The water is rocking you from side to side,
the wind is rushing through your Mohawk.
How do you feel?
Pretty peaceful? Wrong!
Danger can strike at any time. You're never safe on a boat.
Shouldn't have closed your eyes in the first place.
Here's some rules for boating fools.
Rule number one, take care when docking your boat.
If you're not sure what land is, it's the brown stuff.
It comes after the blue stuff.
Rule number two...
Be careful when moving about your boat.
Ooh! Are you all right?
Rule number three.
Be careful when jumping into the sea.
Rule number four, wear a lifejacket at all times.
You never know when the sea will claim you.
Rule number five, don't drive your boat into another boat.
He's a wrecking machine!
He will knock you into tomorrow! Huh!
Rule number six, boat time and disco time
are two separate times.
They should not mix.
Don't take a cruise on a ship of fools.
Being on a boat can bring out the fool in you.
Sometimes it can bring out the fool in you
before you even made it to the sea. Listen to this.
On Lake Isabella in California,
a woman appeared to be having problems with her new boat.
Having launched it into the water,
she found the 22-foot yacht sluggish
and difficult to manoeuvre.
No matter how much throttle she applied, it wouldn't go faster.
Seeing her having trouble, one of the marina workers
offered to jump into the water and check the underside of her boat.
When he resurfaced, he almost choked
because he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, strapped securely in place,
was the woman's car.
She had forgotten to unattach the trailer.
Pretty wild stuff, huh?
Those last fools got me to thinking about my final thought
and here it is. You can't stop the waves,
but you can learn to surf.
Think about it!
See you next time. So long, suckers. Huh!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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