Episode 4 World's Craziest Fools

This programme contains some strong language

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

those people with a lack of common sense,

a terrifying disregard for health and safety

and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?",

and you loved it.

But now, you want more and you want them crazier,

and even more foolish!

So once again Mr T has delivered an array

of the world's least talented people.

This is the World's Craziest Fools...

..Return Of The Fools.

Cheese, tomatoes, pepperoni, ham, extra beef.

OK, thanks.

That was a journalist asking me to name

some of my favourite words, but enough of that.

You are watching the World's Craziest Fools.

Coming up today, we got fools punching banks,

fools breaking buildings and too many fools for one bike to handle.

Sit back and enjoy - it's going to be delicious.

Why do fools feel the need to show off? Look at me.

You don't see me showing off about my muscles or my hair,

or my achievement in film and television,

because showing off is for chumps.

Now, shut up and watch these clips!

What kind of machine is that?

Is this clip from the future?

Ah!

I'm glad to see they still got "falling on your face"

in the future.

Ah!

Take a look at this girl...

SHE SCREAMS

..now forget about her.

Pretend you never saw it and let's never talk about this again.

Oh!

Time to get a new career, sucker!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Don't take offence if I call you a chump, fool.

Russia.

I don't know what that chain is for...

but I'm pretty sure it ain't for you to do that.

What do I know? I didn't put it there...or did I?

I can't remember.

Here's some people playing volleyball on a beach.

If you are playing sport, you need to bring your A game.

At best, these people have brought their D game or E game.

GIRLS LAUGH

It may even be all the way down to M, N, O, P game!

The bank may be closed but this fool is open for business 24/7.

Albania -

this here's Albania number one acrobat troupe...

it's also Albania only acrobat troupe.

They should get some more acrobat troupes...

Ah! Argh!

..this one ain't no good.

Hey, who wants to join me for a game of Stupid?

Ah!

That's how you win at Stupid.

Ah!

Ever seen footage of a kid on a branch end well?

It's not going to... Oh!

No.

Argh!

Well, this one ain't going to break tradition.

I don't know why they're called funfairs -

they ain't fun and they ain't fair.

They should call them unfair-fairs.

Whoever needs to make that happen, make it happen.

These folks are celebrating

cos they just found the biggest fool in Germany.

'Oh!'

Hoorah! We've got him! It took a while but it was worth it.

'Oh! Oh.'

Here are some kids on their way to school.

Ah!

Looks like one or two weren't wearing their seatbelt.

Now they're wearing the roof on their head.

Remember, kids, always buckle up.

Check out these jerks.

They're seeing how far they can chuck their computer keyboard.

Don't ask my why!

Seems like a pretty stupid way to pass the time,

if you want my opinion.

It's all right, it's over now.

You're safe with me.

You should respect your property

instead of throwing it around and breaking it,

and that goes for phones too.

Don't throw your phone around,

no matter how dumb the person on the other end is.

PHONE RINGS

There is nothing better than working outdoors.

Sometimes you just want to rip off your shirt

and pick up a shovel, and start digging a hole.

The last time I did that, I created the Grand Canyon.

It's doing pretty well.

Here's some clips of workmen going about their business.

These guys are trying to demolish a building in Lithuania.

If you going to be using explosive, you better know what you're doing.

CHEERING 'Oh, yeah!'

You need to have seen at least three series of The A-Team

before you'll qualify to blow things up.

How much is this truck driver getting paid?

The answer...

MEN SHOUT

..too much.

It's like my mother used to say,

"Son, if you were paid what you're worth,

"you ain't worth what you paid."

Listen up, drivers...you need to be careful in icy conditions.

Careful you don't get impaled by a forklift truck, for instance.

Don't worry, he's OK.

I like cranes...

I don't think I need to explain why.

"And that's lunch. Back at two, everyone!

"Good job."

This crane is out of control...

..they're trying to stop it by putting bits of wood in front of it.

That ain't working.

Here's a better idea, try putting a bridge in front of it.

You're welcome.

Next up, we got some lucky fools who stared death in the face

and came out on the other side.

These clips are so incredible, you won't believe your eyes.

You will want to take your eyes out and get new ones

but don't do that! Your eyes are fine.

It's these clips that's all messed up.

First up, here's some lucky fools

who nearly get hit by a runaway truck.

It's no surprise that truck is running away.

It's always running away!

Wherever it is, it ain't welcome.

This photographer is on a racetrack, looking for some good action shots.

How's that, sucker? Close enough for you?

Here's a skateboarder...

he can't use his skateboard properly.

He can't even get run over by a car properly.

What can this guy do properly? He's OK.

This is a pedestrian crossing.

This is a bus that don't care about that pedestrian.

This is one lucky pedestrian.

Check out this drunk fool who walks into the road without looking.

HORN BEEPS

Remember your Highway Code, kids -

look left, look right, don't walk into any vehicles.

Simple.

And while I'm on the subject, don't walk into any trains either.

Trains are mean,

they don't feel pain and won't get out of your way.

Keep off the track - that's where trains attack.

Keep your eye on this old guy.

He wants to go one-on-one with a rally car.

Nothing's going to get in the way of him and his lottery ticket.

It looks at first glance like this guy got lucky...

..but he's got unlucky, he's delivering my vegetables,

and if my vegetables are late, there going to be a ruckus!

Pick up my bok choy, fool. I got stir-fry to fry.

This guy's standing next to a railway line

and he doesn't even realise it.

He realised it now. You got lucky, fool.

It's not a good idea to play games with death...

not even fun games like Monopoly or Buckaroo.

Check out this chump bowling.

Started off foolish, but sometimes a fool's so foolish,

they go full circle and look smart.

Yeah. Oh! Oh, oh! Oh!

Don't look so dumb now, do it?

But guess what?

Foot fault, sucker. Mark him zero.

If you memorise your car insurance detail,

that could mean one of two things -

one, you got a great memory,

or, two, you are crashing your car too much.

And if it's the second one,

then you just in time for my rules for driving fools.

Mr T's rules for driving fools.

Rule one, always remember

that safety is definitely more important than irony when driving.

Rule two, when driving,

it's traditional to have your wheels on the road.

Other methods have proved less effective.

It's also, sort of, the law.

Rule three, if your mechanic says your car needs water,

double check you know what he means.

Rule four, some journeys require taking the car and the train

but rarely at the same time.

Rule five, vehicles are not humans.

They do not need to sleep and they do not need pillows...

but a little lie down does nobody harm...except vehicles.

Rule six, just one for cab drivers, this,

bears are bad tippers.

Rule seven, not all buildings are multi-storey car parks.

Unless you see a clear sign,

do not assume you can park on the top level.

Rule eight...

WTF? How the hell did that happen?!

Sorry, back to the rules.

And finally, rule nine...

sometimes you don't even need to make a joke about a picture.

What has two wheels and goes really fast?

Me holding two wheels!

But enough of that. Here are some clips of fools on motorbikes.

Put your helmet on, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

That's the thing with motorbikes...

they're much harder to crash on two wheels than one.

Don't worry, he's OK.

But you don't have to be going fast on one wheel to crash a motorbike.

They can crash nearly anywhere, at any speed.

It's a versatile machine.

There's a time and a place for playing piggyback.

Ah!

The middle of a dirt-bike rally in Brazil is not one of them.

Ah!

Don't worry, the only thing that was hurt was his pride.

Ah!

Drag racing in the US.

They call it drag racing because it's such a drag.

How would you like it if you drove these three metres

then crashed into a post?

That ain't no fun at all.

You're looking at a supermarket in Thailand.

This guy goes around the parking lot all day,

because they don't let him loose on the roads.

That's why.

The Band-Aids is on aisle three, sucker.

You see, this is why we practise.

We practise so we can get better at stuff.

MAN LAUGHS

We'll come back and see this guy in ten years -

maybe then he'll have something impressive to show us?

If you want to go rock climbing, go rock climbing.

Don't expect your bike to go with you.

This guy knows every trick in the book.

Unfortunately, the book is called The Fool's Guide To Breaking Bones.

'Oh!

'Holy cow!'

'Oh!'

Things haven't changed over the course of two clips...

bikes still don't like rock climbing.

Remember, if your motorbike is out of control...

there are brakes for slowing down and handlebars for steering.

It's all in the user's manual.

If your user manual is in Japanese, then learn Japanese.

It must be exhausting, being a fool all the time.

Look at these guys.

Help!

They really hit the wall. That joke is copyrighted to Mr T...

Help!

..2012.

This guy's got real talent -

not for motorcycling, he's appalling at that...

..his talent is for smashing up cars in new and surprising ways.

Don't worry, he's OK.

A lot of people ask me,

"Mr T, how many people is too many people on a motorbike?"

I always say, as a rule of thumb, anything over one is too much.

Hey, listen to me,

if you're a fool and thinking about getting on a motorcycle, don't.

Go lie down in a empty room, turn off the lights

and wait for help instead.

The following is a true story.

In October 1987, Mathieu Boya, of Benin,

was practising his golf in a field next to the national airbase.

He hit what he later described as a "glorious slice,"

which sailed high into the air and hit a passing bird.

The stunned creature fell directly into the open cockpit

of one of Benin's five Mirage jets that was taxiing on the runway.

The startled pilot lost control of the plane,

which ploughed straight into the only other four planes

in Benin's air force.

The ensuing fireball wiped out all five planes.

In fact, it wiped out Benin's entire air force,

at an estimated cost of 40 million.

As the bill would have taken him 145,000 years to repay

on his current wage,

he was sent to jail and given a lifetime ban from playing golf.

"I'm just walking along, minding my own business. Oh, no!

"It's a lion! He's going to eat me. Please, somebody, help me."

"Don't worry, lady. Mr T's here."

That's something that happened to me last Tuesday,

but if you not trained in dealing with wild animals,

then I suggest you leave them alone.

-We're going for a somersault?

-'No!'

'Don't you dare!'

'Oh, Grah...' SHE LAUGHS

Ugly. It's just plain ugly.

It's about the ugliest thing I ever seen.

This lady is a horse whisperer...

I don't know what she's whispering but I think the horse liked it.

Morocco -

this clip is so insane...

you going to be 10% insaner just by watching it.

Oh!

Poland - and this car has picked up an unusual hitchhiker.

Also, there's a cow in the boot.

COW MOOS

MEN LAUGH

Look at this man, his trousers are too low.

He's showing us the top of his butt - I don't need to see that.

The horse don't need to see that, either.

"Put some underpants on," the horse is thinking...

Ah!

"..then you can think about riding me."

One of the most majestic sights in the animal kingdom -

the eye of the tiger!

Hey, Mum, Dad, what's going on? All right, this is it.

I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our family.

Come here, buddy. Come here. Come here.

Hey, you guys, this is Jerry. He's my new pug.

He's a really good boy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God!

As you can see, animals are very good at sniffing out fools.

He's a really good boy.

Oh, my God.

This penguin has found one.

It has decided to attack - run, fool, you've been rumbled.

MEN LAUGH

Put that rat down, fool. Rats ain't pets.

Ah!

That's what happens when you get too close to a rat.

Oh, hang on a minute. Is that a dog?

Ah!

Don't worry, no animals was harmed in the making of those clips,

only stupid fools, and nobody cares about them!

Next up, it's this...

Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

I'm Coach T and this is your PE lesson.

What does PE stand for? Pain and exertion.

Today, I'm going to tell you how not to play sports.

Sport one - basketball.

-No! No!

-Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That is how not to pay basketball. Sport two - pole vault.

Ah!

That is how not to pole vault. Sport three - soccer ball.

That is how not to play soccer ball.

So now you know how not to play sport,

go out there and don't play them.

Now, drop and give me 100. Grrr! Grr.

Back in the '80s, I invented a little thing called skiing,

but it was stupid and I hated it, so I immediately disinvented it.

As far as I knew, that was the end of it.

Imagine my horror when I saw the following clips.

Sitting on a tea tray being dragged by a car -

are there any better ways to pass the time?

Ah! Ah!

Yep, all the other ways are better than this.

Ah! Ah!

Don't worry, the dog was OK.

Sometimes I get so angry at fools, I have to go home

and punch my wall, just to get the anger out of my system.

You should see my wall - it's a mess.

MAN LAUGHS

Grrr! Where's my wall? I want to punch my wall right now.

My wall is lucky, it's back home holding up my house,

or it would be in trouble.

If you're going to do something dumb,

make sure you got a friend nearby, in case anything goes wrong.

Ah!

Who else is going to film it and show everyone what a doofus you are?

Ah! Ah!

This fool is so ashamed of himself...

Ah!

He's trying to bury his head in the snow -

good idea...

Ah!

..bad execution.

Ah!

Oh!

I'm feeling like I want to punch my wall again.

Maybe I'll do 100 push-ups instead?

MR T GRUNTS

There, all done.

That's better.

Oh!

This guy's breaking street lamps, one at a time.

-Oh!

-'Are you OK?'

He won't be happy until he plunges the whole world into darkness

but he forgot about the daytime. See you in 12 hours, fool.

'Are you OK?'

I just can't breathe that well.

'Tell you what, I'm a taxpayer and you've damaged my light.'

Two words...

"ski" and "sucks".

'Holy crap.'

'Turn!'

'Oh, my God. Holy crap!

'Oh, my...'

There's got to be an easier way of getting around that fence.

'Oh...'

I've got it - why not try walking around?

'Oh! Oh, my God, Ronnie.'

This problem's solved.

'He's...'

As I've already told you...

..fools are everywhere...

..the only way to keep safe...

..is to be ready for them at all time.

Don't get ready, stay ready!

You might want to pick a new hobby, sucker.

How about rolling down the hill?

Seems like you pretty good at that.

'Argh!'

That's the end of the show.

Before you turn off your television set,

I'd like you to think about this.

It's true, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

But it's also true

you don't know what you've been missing until it arrives.

So keep your eyes open, my friends,

and be good to yourselves, and each other.

See you next week. So long, suckers.

Come on, little buddy.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd