Episode 5 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

those people with a lack of common sense,

a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

and whose favourite question is what's the worst that can happen?

And you loved it.

But now, you want more and you want them crazier and even more foolish.

So, once again,

Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least talented people.

This is the World's Craziest Fools -

Return Of The Fools.

Hey, you. What are you doing for the next half an hour? I'll tell you.

You're watching me on BBC Three.

So don't even think about changing to the Fishing Channel

or that Quiz TV, or the Yorkshire Pudding Network,

or whatever else you got over there. Put your remote down.

Have a look at these stupid fools instead.

They say the most important thing about sports is taking part.

But they are wrong.

The most important thing is protective headgear

and a nearby ambulance.

Watch these clips.

This fool was trying to combine his favourite two sports -

golf and swimming.

Oh!

He's become his very own water hazard. I pity him.

This is a new sport called ball in the face.

It's a short game but a fun one for the kicker.

Not so much for the in-the-face guy.

Next up, pole vaulting.

This guy jumps over the bar,

then gets hit by the pole in an unfortunate place.

There are no fortunate places to be hit by a pole,

but that's especially unfortunate.

This kid's trash-talking a punching bag.

And that's what you get when you trash-talk a punching bag.

You know you ain't cut out for running

if there's no-one else in the race and you still lose.

Jesus Christ!

Mini golf.

If this was a rom-com,

those two were going to fall in love.

But it ain't, it's real life,

so she went to the hospital and he went to jail.

The end.

Now gymnastics.

The thing about crash mats

is they only help the bits of you that land on them.

Don't worry, he's OK.

If you want to be good at sports, you've got to stay focused.

The middle of the race ain't no time for taking a bath.

Sports first, bath time later.

Here we go, here we go, come on.

Weightlifting now.

Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up. Yeah, there it is.

If you can't lift a big weight, it's time to hit the dumbbells.

Here's a good workout rule.

If the machine you are using is smarter than you,

get out of the gym.

Hurdling.

If you want to get better at sports, what's the harm in practising?

That's the harm.

Right there, between his legs.

Here's three fools having a kick around.

Boom! Right in the Hacky Sack.

If this guy don't end up on his face, I'll eat my shoes.

I'm going to eat my shoes anyway.

I am hungry and it's two hours till lunch.

Jousting.

This guy's so bad at it,

he don't even have a horse or a shield or an opponent.

This is some bad jousting.

Hammer time.

There's only one thing you've got to remember in the hammer throw

and that's to throw the hammer.

If your mind can't hold that one piece of information,

then you're probably not cut out for the sport.

That's the end of the first bit of the show.

You don't have to worry about it any more. It's history.

You'd better start worrying about what's coming up next instead.

It's called Fool News because it's news and it's got fools in it.

Have a listen to this.

The following is a true story.

A young man called David somehow managed to break his arm after

falling over a dog, but after successfully getting a cast

fitted at the hospital, he decided the best way to recuperate was

to go out to a party and get really drunk.

After passing out due to the cocktail of medicinal-grade drugs

and alcohol, his friends decided to help him out

by decorating his cast with rude images and words.

The next morning, however, it turned out that David's parents

did not have the same enthusiasm for their handiwork.

David decided to rectify this situation by trying to remove

the images from his resin cast with some white spirit.

The liquid immediately burned through the cast

and then began burning his skin.

Quick as a flash, David decided to alleviate the pain

by smashing what remained of the cast to pieces with a hammer.

But this technique had mixed results.

Because despite successfully removing the cast,

he also successfully managed to break his arm in several other places.

David returned to hospital to have a second cast fitted on his arm,

but this time returned straight home.

Next up, this.

Whoa! Hey, go back.

He's all right.

You better go, the battery's getting low.

LAUGHTER

Yeah.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh!

OK, recording.

Oh, my God!

LAUGHTER

Hey, boys.

SHOUTING

LAUGHTER

-Oh, my God.

-That is so bad.

This is an apple.

This is a banana.

This is a orange.

Coming up, we have got some more clips of fools doing stupid stuff.

First up, this.

Hello, and welcome to the Seattle Space Needle.

We are now going outside.

SHE SCREAMS

Remember, if you build yourself up too much, you got further to fall.

Here is what happens if you put a squirrel brain in a man's head.

Whoa!

This is not an experiment we need to repeat.

If your friend asks you to put on a helmet and follow him,

don't follow him.

LAUGHTER

Especially if your friend is this guy.

Somebody get Pops a new set of shock absorbers.

Then get him a full MOT and change his oil.

Then give him a paint job.

This car park installed a fool detection system.

Boom. We got one.

Next up, this happens on a trampoline.

-Oh, my God!

-LAUGHTER

I wish I hadn't seen this.

My eyes feel like they need a hot shower.

LAUGHTER

If I was your face, I would be real mad at you right now.

This here is tae kwon do.

-Looks more like tae kwon

-DON'T

-to me.

That was my tae kwon do joke.

I have also got a judo joke, a tai chi joke

and one about Bikram Yoga.

The other way.

This kid is trying out some juggling.

I wouldn't advise him doing this again.

I think you are more of a one thing at a time type of person.

Next up, New Mexico.

This is the fool convention, where people from across the country

come to compete and see who is dumbest.

Oh!

It is always a close call.

It is time to put on your dancing shoes

and sit right there, watch these fools,

take off your dancing shoes and put them back in the box.

Then decide never to dance again.

These fools just ruin it for everyone.

Here is four old men dancing at a Romanian wedding.

This Take That reunion is going on far too long.

Keep your eye on the girl in the pink shorts.

SCREAM

Even if she didn't fall in, it was worth keeping an eye on her

so you don't have to look at that jerk in the front.

My mother used to say it takes a smart person to act dumb.

This woman must be really, really, really smart.

This guy just taking the dance to the people and the crowd love it.

What a showman.

This lady is shaking her booty.

Maybe her booty is so ashamed it is shaking her right off the stage.

That's some smart booty.

Mexico. You have heard of a pool party.

Well, here is a fool party.

This guy is stupid.

He can't tell the difference between a wall and a floor.

Now he knows.

The wall is the one with the hole in it.

Looks like your magic suit doesn't work after all, chump.

Japan.

There's a fine line between break dancing

and kicking someone in the face.

There isn't really. I'm just trying to make this guy feel better.

This kid is doing more breaking than dancing.

But I like his style.

Some kids love music so much, it takes over they whole bodies.

We call them head-bangers.

Ow!

Sometimes I'm so funny it scares me.

Ow!

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Some people ask me how do I deal with all these fools?

The answer is I meditate.

I meditate on how stupid these fools are

and what I'd like to do to them if I saw one walking down the street.

These two dummies are trying to do a synchronised backflip.

Maybe synchronised means something different to them.

This kid wants to prove he is better than a car by jumping over it.

1-0 to the kid.

2-0 to the kid.

2-1. The fight back begins.

Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

This guy wants to backflip off a truck.

If you are on a farm and you are dumber than the animals,

you might want to shut yourself up in a barn for safekeeping.

This Spanish kid haircut is all wrong.

He needs to take a look at my hair.

Then take a look at his hair.

Then go buy himself a hat.

Germany.

And it looks like a nice day to hit the beach.

LAUGHTER

Look at this guy.

No, not that guy. This guy.

Stop looking at him now.

Next time, if you want to go back into the house, try using the door.

LAUGHTER

Did you enjoy your boat trip, sucker?

LAUGHTER

They say great minds think alike.

Some not so great minds also think alike.

Last up, a wedding. The best man is showing off, climbing up a windmill.

Now the windmill is showing off,

knocking the best man down to the ground.

The windmill is more impressive.

It went home with two bridesmaids that night.

I have a very extensive wardrobe.

I have green camouflage gear, I have yellow camouflage gear,

I have white camouflage gear

but everyone cannot look as good in camouflage gear

as I do so they try wearing other stuff instead.

It doesn't always work.

Here's some rules for dressing up fools.

Rule one. If you are a trendsetter,

don't be surprised if people steal your look.

And your identity.

And your girlfriend.

Rule two.

Double denim is a very tricky look to pull off.

The basic rule is there is always safety in numbers.

Rule three.

The possessed mannequin is also a tricky look to pull off.

But full marks to these guys for getting it spot-on.

Bravo, creepy mannequin family.

Rule four.

If you are a superhero, don't leave the house in a hurry.

These guys have clearly forgotten their capes.

And some clothes.

And finally, rule five.

Camouflage is a necessity for hiding in war zones.

Even if that war happens to be in a garden centre.

Coming up now, more fools.

This should not be a surprise to you.

Make your mind up, fool.

Are you dancing, running or falling over?

This really takes laziness to a whole new level.

If you can't be bothered to run

and you can't be bothered to go anywhere,

just stay where you are.

LAUGHTER

If you're not happy with your face,

go get a plastic surgeon.

This is not the answer.

I got cheese smarter than these girls.

And my cheese don't use treadmills for a good reason.

Because it's cheese.

I don't know what the question was

but the answer is painkillers.

As you can see, they have treadmills in Saudi Arabia too.

And as you can also see,

they are equally bad at using them.

It is nice to see we are the same all over the world.

If the treadmill is too fast for your feet,

it is definitely going to be too fast for your butt.

Fools, it's your lucky day.

You are in the catchment area for my School For Fools. Sign up.

Classes begin...

in five seconds.

Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

Settle down, class.

Today's lesson is economics.

What is economics? I'll tell you.

It is about money. It is about the world.

It is about love. It is about hate.

It is about ups and downs, good times and bad times.

But most important, it's about money. For example,

some people are so rich they can afford to do things like this.

Whoa!

Oh!

Other people can't afford to ski on snow

so they have to do things like this.

And some people can only afford to do this.

Watch out for oncoming traffic.

LAUGHTER

That's economics.

There's also a bunch of stuff about exchange rates, GDP,

but nobody cares about that.

Class dismissed.

Next up, some clips of fools on wheels.

They are like other dimwits you have already seen

but on wheels.

Happy Christmas.

If you want to back out of a stunt,

you need to do that before you in mid-air.

This is a great ramp for people scared of heights.

Keep searching, lady, you will find your perfect ramp.

You better send that pole a thank-you card, fool.

It just saved you from getting run over.

Even a version of this that goes well sucks.

OK, I have seen something like this a million times before.

I'm skate-bored. You may laugh now.

Next up, New Zealand.

I preferred Old Zealand.

Stuff like this never happened in Old Zealand.

They should never have changed it.

Canada.

The sign says, "Do not enter."

The concrete says...

"Read the sign, fool."

Once upon a time, there was a magical forest.

This ain't it.

This is just a normal forest with a dummy on a bike.

Get over it.

LAUGHTER

This biker has taken a wrong turn

and accidentally ended up in the snow.

Upside down.

I know these stairs.

They take you straight down to Painsville.

Have a nice trip.

Time to ramp things up a little.

This fool ramped things up all the way down to the ground.

It's going to be quicker and drier

if you just punch yourself in the face.

OK, you can open your eyes now.

The show is over.

We have seen a lot of people crashing things

and falling over today so just remember one thing -

time is a great healer.

But don't forget about doctors, nurses and medicine.

They are also pretty good.

Until next time, stay bright, stay beautiful.

So long, suckers.

Grrr.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd