Episode 5 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 5

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

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those people with a lack of common sense,

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a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

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and whose favourite question is what's the worst that can happen?

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And you loved it.

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But now, you want more and you want them crazier and even more foolish.

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So, once again,

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Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least talented people.

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This is the World's Craziest Fools -

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Return Of The Fools.

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Hey, you. What are you doing for the next half an hour? I'll tell you.

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You're watching me on BBC Three.

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So don't even think about changing to the Fishing Channel

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or that Quiz TV, or the Yorkshire Pudding Network,

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or whatever else you got over there. Put your remote down.

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Have a look at these stupid fools instead.

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They say the most important thing about sports is taking part.

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But they are wrong.

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The most important thing is protective headgear

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and a nearby ambulance.

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Watch these clips.

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This fool was trying to combine his favourite two sports -

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golf and swimming.

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Oh!

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He's become his very own water hazard. I pity him.

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This is a new sport called ball in the face.

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It's a short game but a fun one for the kicker.

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Not so much for the in-the-face guy.

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Next up, pole vaulting.

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This guy jumps over the bar,

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then gets hit by the pole in an unfortunate place.

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There are no fortunate places to be hit by a pole,

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but that's especially unfortunate.

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This kid's trash-talking a punching bag.

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And that's what you get when you trash-talk a punching bag.

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You know you ain't cut out for running

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if there's no-one else in the race and you still lose.

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Jesus Christ!

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Mini golf.

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If this was a rom-com,

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those two were going to fall in love.

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But it ain't, it's real life,

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so she went to the hospital and he went to jail.

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The end.

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Now gymnastics.

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The thing about crash mats

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is they only help the bits of you that land on them.

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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If you want to be good at sports, you've got to stay focused.

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The middle of the race ain't no time for taking a bath.

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Sports first, bath time later.

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Here we go, here we go, come on.

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Weightlifting now.

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Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up. Yeah, there it is.

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If you can't lift a big weight, it's time to hit the dumbbells.

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Here's a good workout rule.

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If the machine you are using is smarter than you,

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get out of the gym.

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Hurdling.

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If you want to get better at sports, what's the harm in practising?

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That's the harm.

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Right there, between his legs.

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Here's three fools having a kick around.

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Boom! Right in the Hacky Sack.

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If this guy don't end up on his face, I'll eat my shoes.

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I'm going to eat my shoes anyway.

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I am hungry and it's two hours till lunch.

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Jousting.

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This guy's so bad at it,

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he don't even have a horse or a shield or an opponent.

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This is some bad jousting.

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Hammer time.

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There's only one thing you've got to remember in the hammer throw

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and that's to throw the hammer.

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If your mind can't hold that one piece of information,

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then you're probably not cut out for the sport.

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That's the end of the first bit of the show.

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You don't have to worry about it any more. It's history.

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You'd better start worrying about what's coming up next instead.

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It's called Fool News because it's news and it's got fools in it.

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Have a listen to this.

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The following is a true story.

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A young man called David somehow managed to break his arm after

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falling over a dog, but after successfully getting a cast

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fitted at the hospital, he decided the best way to recuperate was

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to go out to a party and get really drunk.

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After passing out due to the cocktail of medicinal-grade drugs

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and alcohol, his friends decided to help him out

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by decorating his cast with rude images and words.

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The next morning, however, it turned out that David's parents

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did not have the same enthusiasm for their handiwork.

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David decided to rectify this situation by trying to remove

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the images from his resin cast with some white spirit.

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The liquid immediately burned through the cast

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and then began burning his skin.

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Quick as a flash, David decided to alleviate the pain

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by smashing what remained of the cast to pieces with a hammer.

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But this technique had mixed results.

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Because despite successfully removing the cast,

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he also successfully managed to break his arm in several other places.

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David returned to hospital to have a second cast fitted on his arm,

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but this time returned straight home.

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Next up, this.

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Whoa! Hey, go back.

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He's all right.

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You better go, the battery's getting low.

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LAUGHTER

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Yeah.

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Oh!

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OK, recording.

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Oh, my God!

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LAUGHTER

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Hey, boys.

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SHOUTING

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LAUGHTER

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-Oh, my God.

-That is so bad.

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This is an apple.

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This is a banana.

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This is a orange.

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Coming up, we have got some more clips of fools doing stupid stuff.

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First up, this.

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Hello, and welcome to the Seattle Space Needle.

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We are now going outside.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Remember, if you build yourself up too much, you got further to fall.

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Here is what happens if you put a squirrel brain in a man's head.

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Whoa!

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This is not an experiment we need to repeat.

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If your friend asks you to put on a helmet and follow him,

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don't follow him.

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LAUGHTER

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Especially if your friend is this guy.

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Somebody get Pops a new set of shock absorbers.

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Then get him a full MOT and change his oil.

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Then give him a paint job.

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This car park installed a fool detection system.

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Boom. We got one.

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Next up, this happens on a trampoline.

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-Oh, my God!

-LAUGHTER

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I wish I hadn't seen this.

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My eyes feel like they need a hot shower.

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LAUGHTER

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If I was your face, I would be real mad at you right now.

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This here is tae kwon do.

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-Looks more like tae kwon

-DON'T

-to me.

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That was my tae kwon do joke.

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I have also got a judo joke, a tai chi joke

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and one about Bikram Yoga.

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The other way.

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This kid is trying out some juggling.

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I wouldn't advise him doing this again.

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I think you are more of a one thing at a time type of person.

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Next up, New Mexico.

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This is the fool convention, where people from across the country

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come to compete and see who is dumbest.

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Oh!

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It is always a close call.

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It is time to put on your dancing shoes

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and sit right there, watch these fools,

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take off your dancing shoes and put them back in the box.

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Then decide never to dance again.

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These fools just ruin it for everyone.

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Here is four old men dancing at a Romanian wedding.

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This Take That reunion is going on far too long.

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Keep your eye on the girl in the pink shorts.

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SCREAM

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Even if she didn't fall in, it was worth keeping an eye on her

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so you don't have to look at that jerk in the front.

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My mother used to say it takes a smart person to act dumb.

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This woman must be really, really, really smart.

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This guy just taking the dance to the people and the crowd love it.

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What a showman.

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This lady is shaking her booty.

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Maybe her booty is so ashamed it is shaking her right off the stage.

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That's some smart booty.

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Mexico. You have heard of a pool party.

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Well, here is a fool party.

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This guy is stupid.

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He can't tell the difference between a wall and a floor.

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Now he knows.

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The wall is the one with the hole in it.

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Looks like your magic suit doesn't work after all, chump.

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Japan.

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There's a fine line between break dancing

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and kicking someone in the face.

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There isn't really. I'm just trying to make this guy feel better.

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This kid is doing more breaking than dancing.

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But I like his style.

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Some kids love music so much, it takes over they whole bodies.

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We call them head-bangers.

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Ow!

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Sometimes I'm so funny it scares me.

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Ow!

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And now, it is time for a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.

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You can sense fear.

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You can feel pain.

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You can smell stupid.

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New I'm Actually A Professor from Laboratoire T

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masks that unmistakable stink of failure.

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Act like an idiot,

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smell like a genius.

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Fragrance for men and women

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who reek of stupidity.

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T-Industries - making it all better since the 1980s.

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Some people ask me how do I deal with all these fools?

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The answer is I meditate.

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I meditate on how stupid these fools are

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and what I'd like to do to them if I saw one walking down the street.

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These two dummies are trying to do a synchronised backflip.

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Maybe synchronised means something different to them.

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This kid wants to prove he is better than a car by jumping over it.

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1-0 to the kid.

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2-0 to the kid.

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2-1. The fight back begins.

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Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

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This guy wants to backflip off a truck.

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If you are on a farm and you are dumber than the animals,

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you might want to shut yourself up in a barn for safekeeping.

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This Spanish kid haircut is all wrong.

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He needs to take a look at my hair.

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Then take a look at his hair.

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Then go buy himself a hat.

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Germany.

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And it looks like a nice day to hit the beach.

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LAUGHTER

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Look at this guy.

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No, not that guy. This guy.

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Stop looking at him now.

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Next time, if you want to go back into the house, try using the door.

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LAUGHTER

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Did you enjoy your boat trip, sucker?

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LAUGHTER

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They say great minds think alike.

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Some not so great minds also think alike.

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Last up, a wedding. The best man is showing off, climbing up a windmill.

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Now the windmill is showing off,

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knocking the best man down to the ground.

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The windmill is more impressive.

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It went home with two bridesmaids that night.

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I have a very extensive wardrobe.

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I have green camouflage gear, I have yellow camouflage gear,

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I have white camouflage gear

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but everyone cannot look as good in camouflage gear

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as I do so they try wearing other stuff instead.

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It doesn't always work.

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Here's some rules for dressing up fools.

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Rule one. If you are a trendsetter,

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don't be surprised if people steal your look.

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And your identity.

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And your girlfriend.

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Rule two.

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Double denim is a very tricky look to pull off.

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The basic rule is there is always safety in numbers.

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Rule three.

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The possessed mannequin is also a tricky look to pull off.

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But full marks to these guys for getting it spot-on.

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Bravo, creepy mannequin family.

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Rule four.

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If you are a superhero, don't leave the house in a hurry.

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These guys have clearly forgotten their capes.

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And some clothes.

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And finally, rule five.

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Camouflage is a necessity for hiding in war zones.

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Even if that war happens to be in a garden centre.

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Coming up now, more fools.

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This should not be a surprise to you.

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Make your mind up, fool.

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Are you dancing, running or falling over?

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This really takes laziness to a whole new level.

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If you can't be bothered to run

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and you can't be bothered to go anywhere,

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just stay where you are.

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LAUGHTER

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If you're not happy with your face,

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go get a plastic surgeon.

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This is not the answer.

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I got cheese smarter than these girls.

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And my cheese don't use treadmills for a good reason.

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Because it's cheese.

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I don't know what the question was

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but the answer is painkillers.

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As you can see, they have treadmills in Saudi Arabia too.

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And as you can also see,

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they are equally bad at using them.

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It is nice to see we are the same all over the world.

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If the treadmill is too fast for your feet,

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it is definitely going to be too fast for your butt.

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Fools, it's your lucky day.

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You are in the catchment area for my School For Fools. Sign up.

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Classes begin...

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in five seconds.

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Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

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Settle down, class.

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Today's lesson is economics.

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What is economics? I'll tell you.

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It is about money. It is about the world.

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It is about love. It is about hate.

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It is about ups and downs, good times and bad times.

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But most important, it's about money. For example,

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some people are so rich they can afford to do things like this.

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Whoa!

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Oh!

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Other people can't afford to ski on snow

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so they have to do things like this.

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And some people can only afford to do this.

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Watch out for oncoming traffic.

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LAUGHTER

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That's economics.

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There's also a bunch of stuff about exchange rates, GDP,

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but nobody cares about that.

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Class dismissed.

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Next up, some clips of fools on wheels.

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They are like other dimwits you have already seen

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but on wheels.

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Happy Christmas.

0:24:260:24:27

If you want to back out of a stunt,

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you need to do that before you in mid-air.

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This is a great ramp for people scared of heights.

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Keep searching, lady, you will find your perfect ramp.

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You better send that pole a thank-you card, fool.

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It just saved you from getting run over.

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Even a version of this that goes well sucks.

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OK, I have seen something like this a million times before.

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I'm skate-bored. You may laugh now.

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Next up, New Zealand.

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I preferred Old Zealand.

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Stuff like this never happened in Old Zealand.

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They should never have changed it.

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Canada.

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The sign says, "Do not enter."

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The concrete says...

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"Read the sign, fool."

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Once upon a time, there was a magical forest.

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This ain't it.

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This is just a normal forest with a dummy on a bike.

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Get over it.

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LAUGHTER

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This biker has taken a wrong turn

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and accidentally ended up in the snow.

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Upside down.

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I know these stairs.

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They take you straight down to Painsville.

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Have a nice trip.

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Time to ramp things up a little.

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This fool ramped things up all the way down to the ground.

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It's going to be quicker and drier

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if you just punch yourself in the face.

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OK, you can open your eyes now.

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The show is over.

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We have seen a lot of people crashing things

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and falling over today so just remember one thing -

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time is a great healer.

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But don't forget about doctors, nurses and medicine.

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They are also pretty good.

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Until next time, stay bright, stay beautiful.

0:27:230:27:26

So long, suckers.

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Grrr.

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:430:27:47

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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