Episode 8 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 8

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

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those people with a lack of common sense,

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a terrifying disregard for health and safety

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and whose favourite questions is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

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And you loved it. But now you want more,

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and you want them crazier and even more foolish,

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so once again Mr T has delivered an array

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of the world's least talented people.

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This is the World's Craziest Fools -

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Return of the Fools.

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Oh! "Fool - a noun.

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"Wanting in wisdom, judgment or sense.

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"A person of weak mind. A buffoon."

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Also, a person who head-butts a table,

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or a person who skateboards into a wall,

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or a person who drives his car into a swimming pool.

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In fact, if you really want to know what a fool is,

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throw your dictionary away and just watch the rest of this show.

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First up, we're looking at some stupid stuff people do

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when they get themselves on wheels.

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It'll break your heart,

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and if you try to copy them,

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it'll break your arm, your leg, and your collar bone too.

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Observe!

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First up, France.

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Smooth move, sucker!

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The next ramp you'll be going up will be outside the hospital.

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Here comes another chump, USA style.

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Next time you want to get into your car, try using a door, fool.

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Next up, Spain.

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The pain in Spain falls mainly on your brain.

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France.

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This guy and the quad bike have been through some good times

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and some bad times. This is one of the bad times.

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But they have got through their problems

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and now they are having a little cuddle.

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That is nice to see.

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When you're hanging out with fools,

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you've got to do something special to stand out.

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This guy is truly outstanding.

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Now watch this stupid move.

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That's the cycling equivalent of putting your finger into a socket.

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CYCLIST GROANS

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VIDEO REWINDS

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Either this is one tough bike, or the wall is made of cheese.

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It's probably a little from column A

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and little from column B.

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This skateboard wants out of this relationship.

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Looks like it got out just in time.

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Ukraine-ia. Did God give us wheels on our feet? No, he did not.

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But imagine if he had.

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This kid is living in that world.

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Everything would be like, "Whoo! Whee! Yeah!"

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This jerk is wearing a blue hat,

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so we all know he's a fool.

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Listen, you fool, your card is marked!

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The People's Republic of Russia.

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This cyclist is trying to sneak under a gate.

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Can he do it?

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Negative.

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Who you shouting at, sucker?

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That's like blaming someone else for punching yourself in the face.

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A fool in a forest flies into a tree on a moped.

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Does it make a sound?

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Yes, it's the sound of an "Ouch!"

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You've heard of the point of no return.

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It's a mile or so back down the road, sucker.

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Look at this lady.

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She's having so much fun, she's smiling like a Loony Tune.

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It almost makes the bit where she landed on her butt worth it.

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Unless you are a butt.

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This skater ain't got much going on upstairs.

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Nice work, brainbox.

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Maybe you should go back to school and learn your ABCs -

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Always Be Cool.

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It ain't just this guy's skills that need tightening up.

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Fools are drawn to water the same way moths are drawn to flame.

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Although moths get burnt more often.

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Over to Spain...

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-CYCLIST SCREAMS

-..for some more pain.

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Lucky for this guy, this is a hospital.

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Now all he's got to do is wait for it to open.

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Join the back of the queue, sucker!

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What has four legs, great agility

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and always lands on his feet?

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Me, with two extra legs.

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Also, cats.

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Here are some fools who had their photos taken with cats

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and my rules to help them improve.

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Mr T's rules for feline photo fools.

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Rule one - never buy a cat with a bigger head than yours.

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Certainly don't buy two angry ones. It's just common sense.

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Oh, yeah, and then don't have your photo taken with them.

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Rule two - they say a leopard can't change its spots,

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but a cameraman can change his pants.

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Rule three - holding your child near a tiger for a photo opportunity

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is the big cat equivalent of fast food delivery.

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Rule four - they also say that cats always land on their feet.

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It's not always true. Some end up with owners like this.

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And finally, rule five -

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It is not unusual to have your cat stuffed after its death.

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The outside of the cat, however, is key to this endeavour.

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If you run a business, you should avoid hiring any fools.

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If you're going to give a fool a job,

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make sure it's something simple,

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like standing still, or guarding a hat.

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Here are some fools that were given too much responsibility.

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Albani-ania.

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How many fools does it take to dig a hole?

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Answer - four.

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One to dig the hole,

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two to do whatever it is that those guys are doing,

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and one to see that they're doing it wrong.

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Job done.

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Georgia, USA.

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If you want a fool to clear the snow from the top of a car park,

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be sure to add, "Don't smash the plough through the top floor."

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Give them very clear instructions.

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This truck has tipped on to one side

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and now they're putting it the right way up.

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I think it's time to remove that "How's my driving?" sticker.

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How do you know if your cleaner is doing too good of a job?

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When this happens.

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Nice work, cleaner, but bad work too.

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Have a pay raise and pack your things.

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This fool is so stupid.

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He thought he was being hired to dump mud all over himself.

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Next time, read the terms of your employment.

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This clip was brought to you by the letters A and E.

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LAUGHTER

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You've got to get up pretty early in the morning...

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HE SCREAMS

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..to do something more stupid than this guy.

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This went wrong the day he was born.

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Ain't you ever heard of physics, fool?

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If you can't read Russian,

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the sign on that gate says, "Pull."

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That guy can't read Russian.

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This mechanic can't pop the hood on the car.

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This lady clearly knows more about engines than this guy.

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And a tin opener knows more about engines than him.

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Someone get her a tin opener!

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Russia.

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Here comes the store security guard.

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I'm not sure this fool should be given a gun,

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until he can get through a barrier.

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This is why truck drivers should never go on a diet.

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Ladies and gentlemen, something amazing just happened.

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I've just worked out the meaning of life.

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I was sitting here thinking about something else,

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then all of a suddenly, it came to me.

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I could tell you, but it's long and boring,

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so here's some clips of fools jumping off roofs and stuff instead.

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The first step is always the trickiest.

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The second one's tricky too.

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Actually, all the steps are tricky if you're walking on posts.

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Someone tell this kid where the gate is.

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There's a chump in every school.

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This one's a grade A chump.

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He's OK.

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Don't worry, son.

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You can think about your apology in the ambulance.

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Do you see this?

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This is why I tell people don't try this at home.

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Because when you try this at home, this happens.

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Fools have a saying,

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"If at first you DO succeed...

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"..keep going until you fall into the river."

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This guy is trying to use a piece of playground equipment to hurt

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himself in a surprising way.

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Unsurprisingly, he succeeded.

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Next up, this happens.

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Ooh, you...!

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Right. What's next?

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The following is a true story.

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A police officer called to the scene of a domestic dispute

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decided that the only way to bring the situation to a swift end

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was to use his Taser gun on the husband and the woman who called.

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With his gun at the ready, he prepared to shoot.

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His first shot missed the man

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and instead managed to hit the family cat.

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The second shot also missed and this time hit the son's teenage friend.

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He missed again with the third shot but, on the upside,

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he had managed to avoid hitting any innocent bystanders.

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With the Taser gun now empty, the officer reloaded

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and prepared to fire again.

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In a triumph for marksmanship, he hit himself with shot four.

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Shots five and six then hit the ceiling and after fully discharging

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the weapon twice and failing to hit the man once, the policeman

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finally abandoned the Taser and reached for the pepper spray.

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This safety first approach also failed as he managed to

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discharge it in the face of the man's daughter,

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who had just walked in.

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Eventually realising that this policeman was doing more

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damage than he ever could, the man decided to give himself up.

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There are all kinds of fools in the world.

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Old fools, young fools, tall fools,

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small fools, fat fools, thin fools.

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They all got one thing in common.

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I could kick all their butts,

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and that's exactly what I'm going to do, one fool at a time.

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Here's some fools high on my butt-kicking list.

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France, and look at this panda standing upright

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and walking along the street.

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That is the problem with nature, it is evolving so fast.

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That's right, lady. You be scared.

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There is a time and a place for karate.

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The time is not now and the place is not here.

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There are also people who were built for karate. She is not one of them.

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Fool versus a piece of wood. No contest.

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Wood wins by knockout.

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Those desks are for learning.

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She just learned not to do that again.

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Next up, some monkey business at the basketball court.

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It should come as no surprise

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that these guys lost their game of basketball.

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Hey, who wants to join me for a game of stupid?

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That's how you win in stupid.

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Finland.

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Looks like the welcome home party

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is going to have to be in the face hospital.

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I've got to be careful watching all of these fools.

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Their stupidity might rub off on me.

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I'll become guilty by association.

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I hope you've taken that out of his wages, sucker.

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Baseball lesson number one - positioning.

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Don't position the baseball game in front of a window.

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BOY SCREAMS

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All right!

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This guy makes me sad and angry all at the same time.

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He's not treating his bike right.

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He's not treating other road users right.

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He ain't even treating his shoes right.

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You look too old to be drinking soda, never mind playing with it.

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THEY SCREAM

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LAUGHTER

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And now a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.

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Have you been injured in a bravado-fuelled incident?

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Are you suffering injury-related pain?

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as part of an ill thought-out venture,

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then you could benefit from a new development from T-Industries.

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Every time you feel the need to use a skateboard, drive a car,

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or hurl yourself from a building,

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then simply use new Chair from T-Industries until the urge passes.

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-MAN IN VIDEO:

-I absolutely promise you're going to make it.

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Feel like jumping off a bridge?

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SHE SCREAMS NARRATOR: Chair!

0:17:420:17:44

Feel like lifting some heavy weights?

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Chair!

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Feel like outwitting a pumpkin?

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HE GROANS Chair! Chair!

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Chair!

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Chair.

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takes all the risk out of life's dumb decisions.

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New Chair, now with arms...and legs.

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T-Industries. Making it all better since the 1980s.

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Back in the '80s, I invented something called running.

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It was a simple idea. Getting from A to B quicker.

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I'm amazed no-one had thought of it before.

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Nowadays, people are doing it all over the world.

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Some fools even try to do it indoors.

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Take a look at this.

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If you are not enjoying your treadmill,

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you can disassemble it and take it back to the shop.

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If you are disassembling it, you might want to get off it first.

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Wall, meet fool.

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Fool, meet wall.

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Some people say you got to go backwards to go forwards.

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Don't listen to them.

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You want to go forwards, go forwards.

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It's simple, really.

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Here comes another fool.

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This guy sucks so bad, it's making me mad.

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BEHIND CAMERA: Oh, my God!

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You're supposed to use your feet on a treadmill.

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That's page one of the instruction manual.

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They cover pogo sticks on page two, sucker.

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It's a very short entry.

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Stilts is on page 57.

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But even if you don't get that far,

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it's pretty obvious.

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This kid is so unhappy with his treadmill, he's down on his knees.

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I'm not sure that's making things better for him.

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Why do fools always feel the need to show off?

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If I was a fool, I would be hiding where no-one could see me.

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Like up a tree, or behind a rock, or on ITV2.

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Indonesia.

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This guy's using a motorcycle to get to his destination.

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He could've just walked. It wasn't that far anyway.

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I like this guy.

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He's still at the age where it's OK to be this dumb.

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That is a painful way to impress zero people.

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Do you want to say some last words?

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This French sucker is about to learn a lesson.

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You need to pay for every journey you make.

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Maybe not with money, but you always pay.

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Water skiing. This guy really got the bit between his teeth.

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It's easy to make jokes like that about fools.

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I can do it for hours.

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Come around and see me when the show is finished.

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We can keep going.

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Might be best if you just stick to the lightweights,

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rather than the one with an entire house attached.

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Next up, rock fool.

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Quick, somebody, throw the singer's microphone away too!

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Acting class.

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The best thing I learned when I was acting was

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never smash your face against a table.

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Now he knows it. This kid's going all the way.

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This man is wearing the red hat of shame.

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It reminds us, lest we ever forget what a fool is.

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I think it's unlikely we would forget.

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This man is not wearing a red hat of shame,

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but that's only because the people of his village

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haven't got around to giving it to him yet.

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There'll be a big ceremony sometime soon.

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Imagine saving up all year to go on holiday

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only to have this guy as your neighbour for two weeks.

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Refund!

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How are you doing? Need a bathroom break?

0:24:130:24:16

Tough! Hold it in!

0:24:160:24:18

It's time for some learning at my School For Fools!

0:24:180:24:20

Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

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Today's lesson is home economics.

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What is home economics?

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It's cooking.

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Cooking is taking ingredients

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and putting them together to make something delicious.

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Here are some examples of ingredients.

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Chicken, fried chicken, roast chicken,

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chicken wings, chicken nuggets.

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Those are all the ingredients.

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Now you know that, you're ready to start cooking.

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Watch this guy.

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That's how you DON'T do cooking.

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End of lesson. Class dismissed.

0:25:050:25:07

Everyone knows that cars have five wheels.

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Four for driving on, and one for steering with.

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Here are some clips of reckless fools who can only count to four.

0:25:160:25:19

This is so stupid, I feel stupid on stupid fumes.

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I have no idea where this is

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and I have no idea what they're driving,

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but I like it and I want to go.

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Russia. How do you know when your engine's flooded?

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If you find fish in your glove compartment, your engine is flooded.

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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Classic U-turn now.

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You turn into a moron.

0:26:080:26:10

-BEHIND CAMERA: Oh, no!

-Hey, chump.

0:26:100:26:12

BEHIND CAMERA: No!

0:26:120:26:13

Did you see the road the camera guy used?

0:26:130:26:15

Use that road!

0:26:200:26:22

Learning to drive is easy.

0:26:260:26:28

Mirror, signal...

0:26:280:26:30

..smash two other cars to pieces.

0:26:320:26:35

Congratulations, you passed!

0:26:350:26:37

The guy on the left seems pretty happy with his ramp.

0:26:400:26:43

But then, it's not his car, so what does he care?

0:26:460:26:49

That's the end of the show.

0:26:510:26:53

In fact, it's the end of the series.

0:26:530:26:56

It's been a great ride, hasn't it?

0:26:560:26:57

We have laughed, we have cried,

0:26:570:27:00

I've talked, you've listened,

0:27:000:27:02

and now it's over.

0:27:020:27:03

Just remember, life move fast, enjoy it while it lasts.

0:27:030:27:07

Top hat!

0:27:070:27:09

Cane!

0:27:110:27:12

Cue the music!

0:27:120:27:14

MUSIC BEGINS

0:27:140:27:18

Yeah. Thanks for the memories.

0:27:180:27:22

Thank you, y'all. Hey! Move!

0:27:220:27:26

So long, suckers. See you next time.

0:27:260:27:29

Mmm!

0:27:290:27:31

-# I'm a fool

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:310:27:34

-# To love you

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:340:27:37

-# I'm a fool

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:370:27:39

-# To care

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:390:27:42

-# But I know some day

-# Ahh-ahh-ahh

0:27:420:27:46

-# You'll be a fool just like me

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:460:27:49

-# Just like me

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:490:27:52

-# I'm a fool

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:520:27:54

-# To cry my heart out

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:540:27:57

-# Over someone

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:27:570:28:00

-# Like you

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:28:000:28:02

-# But I know some, some day, baby

-# Ahh-ahh-ahh

0:28:020:28:06

-# You'll be a fool just like me

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:28:060:28:10

-# Just like me

-# Oh, oh, yes

0:28:100:28:13

-# I'm a fool

-# Doo-doo-doo

0:28:130:28:15

# To want you... #

0:28:150:28:17

Boo!

0:28:190:28:21

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls - and is not for wimps.


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