Episode 1 World's Craziest Fools

You should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

those people with a lack of common sense, a terrifying

disregard for Health and Safety, and whose favourite question is,

"What's the worst that can happen?"

And you loved it, but now you want more

and you want them crazier and even more foolish!

so, once again, Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least

talented people!

This is the...

People of Britain, last year I gave up my valuable time to teach

you how to stop being fools.

I gave you rules and I shared my wisdom. Did you listen?

No, you got even stupider!

I look around and what do I see?

More fools crashing cars, more fools jumping off roofs,

more fools blowing up buildings.

So now I'm back and we're going to do the whole thing again!

And this time, people of Britain, you'd better pay attention

because I'm not coming back again!

The food sucks, it rains all the time, and everything is so tiny!

I said my piece, let's start this show! Grrr!

Cars have been around a long time, almost 20 years.

I think it's time we learned how to drive them properly,

don't you think?

The United Kingdom of Great England.

Here comes a taxi driver dropping off a passenger.

Did he get a tip? I'll give him a tip.

Never ever pick me up.

You pick me up, I'll pick you up, then I'll drop you, hard!

The USA.

There's an old saying, "If at first you don't succeed,

"destroy everything."

It's not a great saying. Let's never say it again.

How tall is this bridge in Argentina? I'll tell you.

It's one inch lower than the height of stupidity, that's how tall it is!

Here's a big truck looking for a good parking space.

Perfect!

These two people are driving along and getting frisky.

Never mind protection, these fools ain't even wearing seatbelts!

The owner of this house obviously ordered a truck full of stupid

express delivery.

This is Belgium. It's like Holland but four times as big.

That's the good news.

The bad news is they've got lots of dumb drivers over there.

Look at all of them going the wrong way!

Seems like only one guy knows what he's doing!

Congratulations.

Some people like off-roading. That's OK, but off-wheeling ain't a thing!

Cars need to remain on their wheels at all times!

Hey, come out of there! Oh!

Yeah, get away, get away, get away, get away!

You all right, kid?

Don't worry, this guy was OK.

This is what I call a no-point turn.

No points for you, sucker!

Here comes another fool.

Oh, my God!

Over to Canada.

What do you get if you drive a big truck on an icy road halfway

up a mountain?

You get an appearance on World's Craziest Fools.

I don't know if they get World's Craziest Fool in Canada.

Thinking about it, it's probably best they don't.

Don't worry, he's OK.

Coming up next on the World's Craziest Fools,

we got more of the craziest fools in the world,

and that is how this show is going to continue!

If you don't like it, switch to something else!

The following is a true story.

In 1992, a suspicious-looking package was delivered to the

Territorial Army Centre in Bristol.

With no record of where the package was from,

the TA eventually decided that they should call the police.

The police soon arrived and took stock of the situation and

swiftly made a decision.

They decided that this was not a job for them either, so called in

the army bomb-disposal experts.

When the army arrived, they evacuated the area, sealed it off

and proceeded to carry out a controlled explosion of the

suspicious-looking package.

It was only after the device had been made safe that it was

discovered that the suspicious-looking package

was, in fact, a parcel full of leaflets on how to deal with

suspicious-looking packages.

The Territorial Army, the police and the army congratulated

themselves on a job well done.

Nothing beats working with your hands, but these next folks are

so busy with their hands, they plain forgot how to use their heads!

It's fools with tools! Watch and weep!

The Netherlands in Holland. This guy has built his own shed.

Looks like he did a pretty good job to me!

He just forgot one thing...

Oh!

..a thousand screws!

Oh!

This guy is about to use a jet hose to clean his car.

He clean knocked himself out instead!

Here's a good rule for DIY - look after your wood

and your wood will look after you,

disrespect your wood

and your wood will wait till you're not looking.

How many fools does it take to change a light bulb? Three.

One to remove the light fitting, one to get hit in the head, and

the third to call the electrician to come and do the job right!

The United States of Canada.

These two guys are supposed to be working,

but instead they're playing a game of catch.

Don't worry, he's OK.

Spain.

This guy's trying to bypass employment laws by hiring

a cat as his assistant.

Bad idea.

Not only are cats unsuitable for a workplace,

they don't work well in a team!

Germany.

This man's seeing what happens if he knocks the bit of wood over.

The house falls down!

Curiosity and stupidity are not a good combination!

I want to give you a lesson about gravity.

And that was the lesson about gravity.

It ain't no good for bananas and it sure ain't no good for you!

Here's some fools who didn't listen and suffered!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Watch this.

Oh!

Ow!

You see this? This is a telephone.

It's for important things, like calling up your mamma,

or ordering pizza, or giving the OK for a commando team to attack!

It's not for ringing up busy people and wasting their time!

Listen to this!

Delta Team is ready to launch.

I repeat, Delta Team is ready to launch.

Call me when the target has been liberated.

It's not easy working with machinery.

Here's some clips of people who tried and failed.

I call it heavy duty fools!

PHONE RINGS

Right! No!

I said liberate, not assassinate!

Get out of there as fast as you can and never call this number again!

Hoo-ha-ha! Hoo!

We are back in Canada

and we are about to witness a large container getting smashed.

I have a container like that delivered to my house every morning!

It contains my eggs I have for breakfast!

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

This had better not be my container! I need my eggs!

I have a cement mixer like this.

I use it to mix my eggs and make an omelette.

These Spanish guys are turning it into a merry-go-round.

They won't be merry when I go around to visit them!

Puerto Rico. This is called a rolling roll.

They use it to test if cars are any good.

If this car was any good before, it sure ain't now!

We're in Portugal

and it's this guy's first day at construction school.

Day one is learning how to drive the JCBs.

I don't want to see what happens on day two!

That's wrecking-ball day!

Most people don't know that the T in Mr T stands for truck.

Here's a truck smashing into the side of the road in Russia.

I hope it wasn't delivering my eggs!

I don't mean to go on about my eggs, but if anyone sees them,

please get 'em to me.

Put a stamp on them and send 'em to Mr T, USA.

Anyway, here's some bad stuff about to happen in Poland.

Back to Portugal and the JCB driving day at the construction school.

That's it, you nailed it!

Here's your certificate. Now get out of my face!

Every year, millions of people all over the world get married.

That's a nice story.

What ain't such a nice story is when everyone has to spend

the next 50 years looking at their stupid photos!

Here's some rules for wedding photo fools!

Mr T's rules for wedding photo fools.

It's good to have complementary interests.

if one of you likes watching the TV, it helps if the other is a TV.

Some men will try to get lucky with a bridesmaid at

any wedding and sometimes a polite "No, thank you" just won't suffice.

Be aware that not everyone will be pleased with your

choice of partner, but try and make sure you've reconciled any

differences before the big day.

When you jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding, be

careful who's listening.

When the priest says, "You may now kiss the bride,"

the words "you" and "bride" only refer to the groom and bride.

It is not a free-for-all.

It is traditional to carry your

bride over the threshold of your new house.

don't mistake that for riding her like a unicorn on a magic

sheepskin rug.

Oh, hi. You just found me multi-tasking.

Coming up next, it's some fools within the family environment,

or, as I like to call it, family fools!

"Dear Diary, today I mostly worked out."

-Oh!

-Aggh!

-Oh!

-Aggh!

And now it's time for a word from our sponsors.

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This is a tennis racket. Grrr, I hate tennis!

Back in the '80s, I won seven Wimbledons in a row,

but they disqualified me because I used my bare hands.

That's why you won't see any tennis clips on my show!

But I've got plenty of other sport fools, like these!

First up, Australia. What do you people call this?

Football? This ain't football!

Football is where you put on a helmet and attack someone.

I don't know what you call this.

We're going to have to come up with a new name for it.

Let me think about it. I'll get back to you.

It's recording.

This guy's trying to throw the basketball over his shoulder

directly into the basket.

Is he going to do it?

Slam dunk! Nice work, Kowalski.

You're back on the team.

Sport ain't about winning, it's about taking part!

But more importantly, it's about winning! Take a look at this lady.

She'll do anything to make sure she crosses the line first!

What's wrong with this game of volleyball?

I'll give you a clue - there's no net! Also, there's no court.

And no spectators! This is some bad volleyball!

Softball. People call it softball until they get hit.

Ow!

Then they call it really hard-ball!

I'm still thinking about what to call this. How about stupid-ball?

Argh!

All you have to do is hit the thing through a couple of sticks

and knock an old lady over!

Seems pretty stupid to me!

Argh!

I like golf, but this shot is going to be tricky

with that buggy in the way.

The tree also is a hazard.

Hazard one meet hazard two. Problem solved!

OK, I'm bored with stupid-ball.

Let's watch something else.

Not everyone can be good at sports,

but some of you even struggle with more basic things,

like driving cars, or opening doors, or wrestling bears!

That's why I've decided to help you out by setting up my very own

teaching facility.

I'm calling it Mr T's School For Fools. Sound the bell!

Class is about to begin! Hmm!

Hello and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

What is history? History is the past.

Everything that happens, that's history.

Me telling you what history is, that's now history.

Here are some famous examples of history.

First up, footage from The Titanic.

So that's how The Titanic crashed.

Next up, the Battle of Hastings.

So as you can see,

as long as there has been history there have been fools.

We need to learn from them so we don't make the same mistakes.

This entire class is now history. Class dismissed!

There's a lot of people out there who drink to forget.

They drink to forget how to stand up straight.

They drink to forget where the hedges are.

They drink to forget not to set themselves on fire!

Take a look at this!

How do you know if you too drunk to drive?

Easy. Look at your car.

If you can't tell if it's upside-down or the right way up...

Ah, it's the other side, man.

..you're too drunk to drive!

He's going! Oh, he's going! He's going.

Are you OK, mate?

If you had too much to drink, it's a good idea to sleep it off.

However, you should always try to sleep it off in a bed.

Sleeping it off on a narrow ledge on the top of the subway stairs

is not a good idea.

Poland. When you're drunk, you feel like you've got special powers.

This guy has got the power to fall down one flight of stairs...

Agh!

..and then land hard on his stomach.

He isn't going to save the world,

but he has provided us with some good entertainment!

Agh!

Being drunk can be embarrassing.

Sometimes you just want to find somewhere to hide so no-one can see.

Top! Toppo!

In a wrestling match, it's important to know who your enemy is.

In this clip, the main enemy is the ground.

You do not want to pick a fight with the ground.

It is hard! It is mean!

It sneaks up on you when you least expect it!

Me and the ground have had a lot of good tussles over the years,

a lot of good tussles.

You can look at whoever you like in this clip,

either these girls at the front...

..or this guy at the back. Your choice!

Here's another lesson in drinking.

If you're too drunk to eat your sandwich, you are too drunk!

Hi, I'm Dave from the Dickhead Dudes.

I wish that Ben was with you

Ben was with me but he's not.

So, I'm going to chow this Mudslide and smash it over my fucking melon.

Check this shit.

This guy's trying to tell us something.

I don't speak fool, but it seems he want us

to know he's about to do something awesome with a bottle!

Ah, fuck!

Is he achieving it?

Ah, come on, dude!

It's hard to know with a fool. Anything is conceivable.

Ah! Fuck, I don't believe this.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Today's show was three hours long,

but I bet it felt a lot shorter, right?

Sadly, it's over. There's just time for my final thought.

They say, "Too many cooks spoil the broth,"

but they also say, "Many hands make light work," so maybe you

should just ignore what other people say and live life your own way.

Your way pretty cool too. Take it easy out there.

So long, suckers!

# Well, I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# You know, I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# That falls in love with you

# And expects you to be true

# I pity the fool... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd