Episode 2 World's Craziest Fools

You should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the World's Craziest Fools.

Those people with a lack of common sense,

a terrifying disregard for health and safety

and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

And you loved it. But now, you want more!

And you want them crazier and even more foolish.

So, once again, Mr T has delivered

an array of the world's least talented people.

This is the World's Craziest Fools -

Return Of The Fools.

"Dear Mr T, I'm a huge fan of the World's Craziest Fools,

"and I think you're amazing!

"But I was wondering, could you tell me what the

"T stands for in your name?"

No! Coming up on today's show,

we got fools wrestling motorbikes, fools kicking down doors,

fools getting flipped on their heads.

We got so much stuff to get through,

we ain't got no time for no stupid questions.

So start the first clip.

Motor vehicles are very advanced these days.

They got automatic steering, anti-lock breaks

and alarms that go "Beep, beep, beep, this vehicle is reversing".

What they don't have is a fool alarm!

They say "Beep, beep, beep, this vehicle is going forward,

"very fast, with a fool in it. Get the heck out of the way!"

They should!

Watch this car crash straight into a shop.

I know the feeling. Sometimes when I'm driving I get hungry

and I need a power bar.

Nothing comes between me and my power bar,

not even a plate glass window.

This truck driver also got hungry and went in search of a power bar.

Unfortunately, he crashed into a bank.

If you going to crash into a building,

make sure there's a power bar inside.

The police will be more understanding.

This car drives straight into a level crossing.

It's missing a front wheel,

maybe the driver also missing a front brain.

Look at this Canadian fool showing off his pick-up truck.

Now he's got to pick it up out the ditch.

You OK?

Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where you keep your power bars?

These chumps are getting towed.

It looks like their brains have broken down.

Something's definitely not working in this situation.

Stop!

Drag racing in San Diego, USA.

Keep your eye on the mechanic in orange.

That's it, sucker, if the engine isn't working,

you jump in there, and power that engine yourself.

This guy knows every trick in the book.

Unfortunately, the book is called The Fools' Guide To Breaking Bones.

Don't worry, she's OK.

That's the thing with motorbikes.

They can crash nearly anywhere, at any speed.

Like Taiwanese people, our next clip is from Taiwan.

This car has illegally parked in a construction zone,

and now it's getting a piece of forklift justice.

Serves that owner right - you park bad, you make people mad.

Serbia.

Walking along on your own on an icy road is no fun.

It's much nicer if someone gives you a lift.

But always make sure you're in the car before they drive off.

Getting a lift like this ain't no fun.

What's wrong with this car?

Take a closer look.

That's right, it's green.

There's no excuse for a green car, people, you get yourself a brush

and you paint that thing gold, then we can talk about being friends.

If you had never driven before and you're utterly stupid,

it's possible you may not know what a road looks like.

Let me enlighten you.

A road is flat and straight.

If you find yourself on a hill, surrounded by trees,

driving over a big rock,

you have probably taken a wrong turn.

Games are fun

but don't try and play hide and seek with a truck

or you will regret it.

Trucks generally don't get the rules when it comes to games

and even when they do get the rules,

they cheat.

You got to get up pretty early in the morning...

..to do something more stupid than this guy.

How many times I got to tell you?

Look at the number of wheels on your vehicle and then use them.

All of them, all of the time!

This next clip is from Ohio, which is very near Ohio.

This traffic cop is waving his hands

in a calm and downward motion.

Which is a classic sign for motorists to speed up

and start driving dangerously.

That's why this happens!

We are in Russia now.

One thing I don't recommend is eating Russian power bars.

They are different over there.

There's too much power in them.

These guys have gone hoopla-looney-tune.

They need to go and take some anti-power serum

and then a nap, followed by a snooze,

all washed down with sleepy time.

Now it's time for a story. Listen and learn.

Take notes, or don't. I don't care either way.

The following is a true story.

A Turkish man, driving through a Swiss town,

became fascinated by a strange box that seemed to emit

a flash of light when he drove past it.

Confused, he decided to quickly drive past it a second time,

to try and see if it would happen again.

Sure enough, as he went past it in the other direction,

it flashed him once more.

Determined to work out the cause of the flashing,

he sped up and drove past it again from the original direction

and, once again, it flashed at him.

Two roundabouts within a hundred yards of the box allowed him

to investigate it fully a number of times, at increasing speeds.

He cleverly worked out, that the strange box was in fact

a speed camera, but this successful deduction had cost him

four separate speeding convictions in less than two minutes.

Unfortunately for the inquisitive driver, the eagle-eyed police

investigating the incident also noticed that he had not been

wearing a seatbelt at the time

and so fined him for that offence as well.

What is it with you British people?

Why are you always dunking your biscuits in tea?

Dunking is something for basketball. Biscuits are for snacks!

Anyway, here's some fools who double dunk their brains in stupid juice.

Take a look.

Three, two, one!

Oh!

-Whoa.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

OK.

Yeah.

Oh!

-Shit!

-Holy shit!

The people in those clips should enrol in Mr T's School For Fools.

Hello and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

Today's lesson is languages.

For example, Spanish. What is Spanish?

Spanish is like English, only in Spanish.

Take a look at this.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

HE SQUEALS

That's an example of someone screaming in English.

Now I'm going to show you how they scream in Spanish.

HE SQUEALS

And now German.

HE SQUEALS

This time in French.

HE SQUEALS

And finally, ancient French.

HE SQUEALS BACKWARDS

Those are all the languages that exist. Class dismissed.

Time now for some criminals.

If I know just one thing, all fools are not criminals

but all criminals are fools!

By the way, I do know just one thing, everything!

First up, China land.

These two motorbike thieves have stolen a ladies handbag.

It's a shame that handbag didn't contain a map

because they've driven into a dead end

and here comes justice in the shape of a parked car,

a stool, a wicker chair, a drawer,

a step ladder, a box, a broom,

another broom.

I think they've decided to give her bag back.

Good decision, punks.

The USA.

This idiot thinks he can rob this store with just his fingers

in the shape of a gun.

Maybe he should see if his fingers can make the shape of a key

so he can unlock the door.

No.

It looks like his fingers, are going to have to make the shape of

giving the store owner ten dollars if he wants to get out of there.

Brazil. This guy has just stolen a bicycle.

Turns out the person he stole it from wants it back.

Don't worry, sucker, you won't need a bike anymore.

You're going to get a nice comfy ride in the ambulance instead.

Check out this dumb crook from South Carolina.

He wants to hold up a gas station but can't even get his ski mask on.

It's going to be a lot easier for the police to catch him now!

Footage from a police dash cam.

Look at this chump they've gone and arrested.

I am a celebrity!

No wonder he's so angry, somebody stole all his clothes!

This lowlife is trying to rob a convenience store.

He didn't realise that the shopkeeper

is a big fan of kung fu movies.

He wrestles the gun away from him and takes control of the situation.

Then he takes him around back for a bit of one on one.

You got to hand it to the guy, he's hitting crime where it hurts.

Repeatedly, round the back of the shop. Bada-bing.

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Making it all better since the 1980s.

Exercise is good for you. It builds muscles and makes you stronger.

The only muscle it doesn't exercise is your brain.

Here's proof.

Keep your eye on the bottom left of the screen,

where a boxer is practising his moves.

Now he knows what to do when he's knocked out in a fight.

Good practice session.

There's an old proverb - look before you leap.

There's a better proverb - don't leap, just stay where you are.

Things are going to turn out much better.

There's another proverb -

don't somersault backwards and then smash yourself in the face.

I'm pretty good at writing proverbs, I think you'll agree.

This guy sucks so bad, it's making me mad!

This kid is trying to show off in front of his friends.

He showed them all they shouldn't be friends with him.

It's much better they know that now.

Up next, gymnastics.

It was all going well, until that bit when she messed up

and landed on her face.

Up next, the high bar.

It's easy to mess up on the high bar,

the bar is set pretty low, for high bar fails.

Right, Jones parkour.

This kid is trying to do parkour in a gym.

He just invented a new move.

Bench face slam.

I got a feeling, we ain't going to see the last of it.

You're watching the Maverick All-star Cheerleaders.

I wonder how proud those sponsors will be, when they see this clip.

This guy's pain is your gain.

You know you have succeeded

when you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day

and feel proud.

You know when you've failed

when you can't look yourself in the mirror

because you smashed the mirror.

If this is some kind of trust exercise it really isn't working.

I wouldn't trust these guys as far as I could throw them.

What is it about snow?

People get over excited,

they run outside and end up doing something stupid like this.

If it's snowing, stay indoors and watch the A-Team.

They say a fool and his money will soon part.

The same is also true of a fool and his right arm.

If he does something stupid like this, a fool could easily find

that his right arm has separated from the rest of his body.

My hairstyle is unique.

Many people have tried but failed to emulate its amazingness.

And it takes style and confidence to have hair like this.

Wait a minute! Why are they talking about my hair?

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Here are some rules for haircutting fools.

Mr T's rules for haircutting fools.

Rule one -

a rat's tail is just a phrase. It's not literal.

Good job he didn't want a ponytail.

Rule two -

always insist that the barber uses the little mirror

to show you the back, just in case they've missed a bit.

Rule three -

following a simple change of hairstyle, this lady is now

able to self-propel from London to Edinburgh in 42 minutes.

Rule four -

if you can't grow a beard

you can make one

using some spare head hair and glue.

Just make sure it's spare head hair.

Rule five - just like a Cuban heel,

a good haircut can subtly add inches to a man's height.

Now he's tall enough to go on the rollercoasters.

Rule six -

always carry a violin wherever you go.

And finally, rule seven -

always tip your barber.

Take a look a look at this hamster.

He's mastered the wheel.

If he can master the wheel,

why can't these fools master the wheel?

Play the clips.

Where did Murdoch go?

Oh.

A bike park.

A bike park is where fools gather to show each other

some new dumb moves they have been practising.

Nice work.

I've never seen that one before.

This guy falls off his skateboard

then gets slapped in the face with it.

That's a double dumb move. Extra points to you.

Riding like this is hard work. It makes you hot.

Once in a while you got to cool off.

The scooter park.

If you can't handle riding down the ramp,

try walking it instead.

BMX biking.

I am the floor.

Pleased to meet you. Now get off me.

This fool's got the right idea.

He's lying down so he can't do anything stupid.

Pity his friend hasn't got the same idea.

Girls like guys with scars.

Oh, my God!

If you haven't got any, you can easily get them

by sliding down a rail and landing on your face.

Not too hard though, girls like guys with faces.

At least this biker's got a helmet on.

LAUGHTER

Though I'm not sure there's anything too valuable up there

that needs to be protected.

This kid's set up his own special bicycle jump.

He could've saved himself a lot of time and effort

by just walking over to the pile of sand, and sticking his face in it.

Who keeps selling these people bicycles?

How did this guy get his bicycle through airport security?

Shit.

That's pretty impressive. The rest, less impressive.

This chump is trying to bike across a ditch.

LAUGHTER

He nearly made it...

..if you don't know what nearly means.

An easy way to spot a fool on a bike, is by seeing what he's doing.

If he's riding down a hill, heading toward a big ramp,

with no hope for landing...

..you've probably found one.

This crash doesn't look too bad.

It looks three bad.

Are you OK?

I'm dying. Help me.

I have three levels on my scale of bad.

One bad, two bad, and three bad.

This is a three bad.

Are you OK?

I'm dying. Help me.

We've seen some dangerous stuff on this show already.

Bikes, trucks, helicopters.

But I've saved the deadliest till last -

inflatables.

There's nothing more terrifying than an inflatable

waiting to wreak havoc on an innocent passer-by.

Take a look at this.

First up, we've got all of these fools.

They're not happy sitting around having a good conversation,

they want to break something instead.

LAUGHTER

Stupid mission's accomplished.

This lady is working out with an exercise ball.

You know what they say, no pain, no gain.

Actually, I have a better motto - no pain!

I don't want to talk about what's happening on the screen right now.

Let's talk about something else.

Did you watch the game last night?

What's the weather like in England?

Are you going anywhere nice on holiday?

What shall I have for dinner?

Oh, thank goodness it's over.

I have no idea what these people were trying to achieve,

but let's say they nailed it!

This little boy just got a big balloon kicked in his face.

Life's tough. The earlier you learn that, the better.

I don't know who these people are, or what they think they are doing.

I don't really care!

What's happening here?

Is this part of a show?

Has anyone got a programme?

Go, Sean, move out of the way...

This guy's like all the other fools we've just seen,

but standing higher up.

Oh! Holy shit!

The end result is the same.

There's a good reason why these people aren't

allowed beyond that wall.

More exercise balls.

I'm betting on the big guy.

Oh, look, I win. How embarrassing.

You owe me 10,000.

This guy's walking to the window to hand his friend some beers

when his friend throws a ball in his face.

Bad friend, no beers for you.

This lady is messing around on a bouncy castle, designed for kids.

Nice work, Betty, you just ruined the barbecue.

Don't come back next year.

We have invented the wheel, we have invented the aeroplane,

we have invented the television,

and now, we've invented this thing.

Whoa!

Time to pack up and call it a day people,

our work on this planet is done.

That's it. It's the end of the show.

It went quick, didn't it?

Especially if you watched it in fast forward.

We've seen a lot of people failing today.

But failure happens and when it does, you shouldn't worry about it.

Remember, failure sets you up for your next success.

See you next time. So long, suckers. Hm.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd