Episode 2 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 2

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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You should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the World's Craziest Fools.

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Those people with a lack of common sense,

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a terrifying disregard for health and safety

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and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

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And you loved it. But now, you want more!

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And you want them crazier and even more foolish.

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So, once again, Mr T has delivered

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an array of the world's least talented people.

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This is the World's Craziest Fools -

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Return Of The Fools.

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"Dear Mr T, I'm a huge fan of the World's Craziest Fools,

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"and I think you're amazing!

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"But I was wondering, could you tell me what the

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"T stands for in your name?"

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No! Coming up on today's show,

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we got fools wrestling motorbikes, fools kicking down doors,

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fools getting flipped on their heads.

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We got so much stuff to get through,

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we ain't got no time for no stupid questions.

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So start the first clip.

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Motor vehicles are very advanced these days.

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They got automatic steering, anti-lock breaks

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and alarms that go "Beep, beep, beep, this vehicle is reversing".

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What they don't have is a fool alarm!

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They say "Beep, beep, beep, this vehicle is going forward,

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"very fast, with a fool in it. Get the heck out of the way!"

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They should!

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Watch this car crash straight into a shop.

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I know the feeling. Sometimes when I'm driving I get hungry

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and I need a power bar.

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Nothing comes between me and my power bar,

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not even a plate glass window.

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This truck driver also got hungry and went in search of a power bar.

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Unfortunately, he crashed into a bank.

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If you going to crash into a building,

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make sure there's a power bar inside.

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The police will be more understanding.

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This car drives straight into a level crossing.

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It's missing a front wheel,

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maybe the driver also missing a front brain.

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Look at this Canadian fool showing off his pick-up truck.

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Now he's got to pick it up out the ditch.

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You OK?

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Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where you keep your power bars?

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These chumps are getting towed.

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It looks like their brains have broken down.

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Something's definitely not working in this situation.

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Stop!

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Drag racing in San Diego, USA.

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Keep your eye on the mechanic in orange.

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That's it, sucker, if the engine isn't working,

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you jump in there, and power that engine yourself.

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This guy knows every trick in the book.

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Unfortunately, the book is called The Fools' Guide To Breaking Bones.

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Don't worry, she's OK.

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That's the thing with motorbikes.

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They can crash nearly anywhere, at any speed.

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Like Taiwanese people, our next clip is from Taiwan.

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This car has illegally parked in a construction zone,

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and now it's getting a piece of forklift justice.

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Serves that owner right - you park bad, you make people mad.

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Serbia.

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Walking along on your own on an icy road is no fun.

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It's much nicer if someone gives you a lift.

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But always make sure you're in the car before they drive off.

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Getting a lift like this ain't no fun.

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What's wrong with this car?

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Take a closer look.

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That's right, it's green.

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There's no excuse for a green car, people, you get yourself a brush

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and you paint that thing gold, then we can talk about being friends.

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If you had never driven before and you're utterly stupid,

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it's possible you may not know what a road looks like.

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Let me enlighten you.

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A road is flat and straight.

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If you find yourself on a hill, surrounded by trees,

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driving over a big rock,

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you have probably taken a wrong turn.

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Games are fun

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but don't try and play hide and seek with a truck

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or you will regret it.

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Trucks generally don't get the rules when it comes to games

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and even when they do get the rules,

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they cheat.

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You got to get up pretty early in the morning...

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..to do something more stupid than this guy.

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How many times I got to tell you?

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Look at the number of wheels on your vehicle and then use them.

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All of them, all of the time!

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This next clip is from Ohio, which is very near Ohio.

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This traffic cop is waving his hands

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in a calm and downward motion.

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Which is a classic sign for motorists to speed up

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and start driving dangerously.

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That's why this happens!

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We are in Russia now.

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One thing I don't recommend is eating Russian power bars.

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They are different over there.

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There's too much power in them.

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These guys have gone hoopla-looney-tune.

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They need to go and take some anti-power serum

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and then a nap, followed by a snooze,

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all washed down with sleepy time.

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Now it's time for a story. Listen and learn.

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Take notes, or don't. I don't care either way.

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The following is a true story.

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A Turkish man, driving through a Swiss town,

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became fascinated by a strange box that seemed to emit

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a flash of light when he drove past it.

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Confused, he decided to quickly drive past it a second time,

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to try and see if it would happen again.

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Sure enough, as he went past it in the other direction,

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it flashed him once more.

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Determined to work out the cause of the flashing,

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he sped up and drove past it again from the original direction

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and, once again, it flashed at him.

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Two roundabouts within a hundred yards of the box allowed him

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to investigate it fully a number of times, at increasing speeds.

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He cleverly worked out, that the strange box was in fact

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a speed camera, but this successful deduction had cost him

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four separate speeding convictions in less than two minutes.

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Unfortunately for the inquisitive driver, the eagle-eyed police

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investigating the incident also noticed that he had not been

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wearing a seatbelt at the time

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and so fined him for that offence as well.

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What is it with you British people?

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Why are you always dunking your biscuits in tea?

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Dunking is something for basketball. Biscuits are for snacks!

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Anyway, here's some fools who double dunk their brains in stupid juice.

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Take a look.

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Three, two, one!

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Oh!

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-Whoa.

-Oh!

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LAUGHTER

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LAUGHTER

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OK.

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Yeah.

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Oh!

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-Shit!

-Holy shit!

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The people in those clips should enrol in Mr T's School For Fools.

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Hello and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

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Today's lesson is languages.

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For example, Spanish. What is Spanish?

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Spanish is like English, only in Spanish.

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Take a look at this.

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HE SPEAKS SPANISH

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HE SQUEALS

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That's an example of someone screaming in English.

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Now I'm going to show you how they scream in Spanish.

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HE SQUEALS

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And now German.

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HE SQUEALS

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This time in French.

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HE SQUEALS

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And finally, ancient French.

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HE SQUEALS BACKWARDS

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Those are all the languages that exist. Class dismissed.

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Time now for some criminals.

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If I know just one thing, all fools are not criminals

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but all criminals are fools!

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By the way, I do know just one thing, everything!

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First up, China land.

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These two motorbike thieves have stolen a ladies handbag.

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It's a shame that handbag didn't contain a map

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because they've driven into a dead end

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and here comes justice in the shape of a parked car,

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a stool, a wicker chair, a drawer,

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a step ladder, a box, a broom,

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another broom.

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I think they've decided to give her bag back.

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Good decision, punks.

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The USA.

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This idiot thinks he can rob this store with just his fingers

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in the shape of a gun.

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Maybe he should see if his fingers can make the shape of a key

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so he can unlock the door.

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No.

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It looks like his fingers, are going to have to make the shape of

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giving the store owner ten dollars if he wants to get out of there.

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Brazil. This guy has just stolen a bicycle.

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Turns out the person he stole it from wants it back.

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Don't worry, sucker, you won't need a bike anymore.

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You're going to get a nice comfy ride in the ambulance instead.

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Check out this dumb crook from South Carolina.

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He wants to hold up a gas station but can't even get his ski mask on.

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It's going to be a lot easier for the police to catch him now!

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Footage from a police dash cam.

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Look at this chump they've gone and arrested.

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I am a celebrity!

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No wonder he's so angry, somebody stole all his clothes!

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This lowlife is trying to rob a convenience store.

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He didn't realise that the shopkeeper

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is a big fan of kung fu movies.

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He wrestles the gun away from him and takes control of the situation.

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Then he takes him around back for a bit of one on one.

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You got to hand it to the guy, he's hitting crime where it hurts.

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Repeatedly, round the back of the shop. Bada-bing.

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And now a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present

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a new product from T-Industries.

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I always felt my nose could be flatter,

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with blood coming out

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and now it is!

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I was bored of the way my face was arranged. It just looked too normal.

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But T-Industries changed all that.

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Changing the arrangement of your face is child's play

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at Mr T's Accidental Face Surgery Clinic.

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That's because all our equipment comes straight from the playground.

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Choose from a range of simple procedures.

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Like chin smashings...

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..and nose reductions.

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Oh!

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T-bar also comes with a new pivot system,

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for dental rearrangement.

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Oh!

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And all at prices that don't hurt.

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Want your face changed?

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It can be re-arranged!

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T-Industries.

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Making it all better since the 1980s.

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Exercise is good for you. It builds muscles and makes you stronger.

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The only muscle it doesn't exercise is your brain.

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Here's proof.

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Keep your eye on the bottom left of the screen,

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where a boxer is practising his moves.

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Now he knows what to do when he's knocked out in a fight.

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Good practice session.

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There's an old proverb - look before you leap.

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There's a better proverb - don't leap, just stay where you are.

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Things are going to turn out much better.

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There's another proverb -

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don't somersault backwards and then smash yourself in the face.

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I'm pretty good at writing proverbs, I think you'll agree.

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This guy sucks so bad, it's making me mad!

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This kid is trying to show off in front of his friends.

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He showed them all they shouldn't be friends with him.

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It's much better they know that now.

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Up next, gymnastics.

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It was all going well, until that bit when she messed up

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and landed on her face.

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Up next, the high bar.

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It's easy to mess up on the high bar,

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the bar is set pretty low, for high bar fails.

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Right, Jones parkour.

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This kid is trying to do parkour in a gym.

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He just invented a new move.

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Bench face slam.

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I got a feeling, we ain't going to see the last of it.

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You're watching the Maverick All-star Cheerleaders.

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I wonder how proud those sponsors will be, when they see this clip.

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This guy's pain is your gain.

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You know you have succeeded

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when you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day

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and feel proud.

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You know when you've failed

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when you can't look yourself in the mirror

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because you smashed the mirror.

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If this is some kind of trust exercise it really isn't working.

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I wouldn't trust these guys as far as I could throw them.

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What is it about snow?

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People get over excited,

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they run outside and end up doing something stupid like this.

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If it's snowing, stay indoors and watch the A-Team.

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They say a fool and his money will soon part.

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The same is also true of a fool and his right arm.

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If he does something stupid like this, a fool could easily find

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that his right arm has separated from the rest of his body.

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My hairstyle is unique.

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Many people have tried but failed to emulate its amazingness.

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And it takes style and confidence to have hair like this.

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Wait a minute! Why are they talking about my hair?

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Oh, yeah, I remember.

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Here are some rules for haircutting fools.

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Mr T's rules for haircutting fools.

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Rule one -

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a rat's tail is just a phrase. It's not literal.

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Good job he didn't want a ponytail.

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Rule two -

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always insist that the barber uses the little mirror

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to show you the back, just in case they've missed a bit.

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Rule three -

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following a simple change of hairstyle, this lady is now

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able to self-propel from London to Edinburgh in 42 minutes.

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Rule four -

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if you can't grow a beard

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you can make one

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using some spare head hair and glue.

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Just make sure it's spare head hair.

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Rule five - just like a Cuban heel,

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a good haircut can subtly add inches to a man's height.

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Now he's tall enough to go on the rollercoasters.

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Rule six -

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always carry a violin wherever you go.

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And finally, rule seven -

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always tip your barber.

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Take a look a look at this hamster.

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He's mastered the wheel.

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If he can master the wheel,

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why can't these fools master the wheel?

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Play the clips.

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Where did Murdoch go?

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Oh.

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A bike park.

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A bike park is where fools gather to show each other

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some new dumb moves they have been practising.

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Nice work.

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I've never seen that one before.

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This guy falls off his skateboard

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then gets slapped in the face with it.

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That's a double dumb move. Extra points to you.

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Riding like this is hard work. It makes you hot.

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Once in a while you got to cool off.

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The scooter park.

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If you can't handle riding down the ramp,

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try walking it instead.

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BMX biking.

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I am the floor.

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Pleased to meet you. Now get off me.

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This fool's got the right idea.

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He's lying down so he can't do anything stupid.

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Pity his friend hasn't got the same idea.

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Girls like guys with scars.

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Oh, my God!

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If you haven't got any, you can easily get them

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by sliding down a rail and landing on your face.

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Not too hard though, girls like guys with faces.

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At least this biker's got a helmet on.

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LAUGHTER

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Though I'm not sure there's anything too valuable up there

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that needs to be protected.

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This kid's set up his own special bicycle jump.

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He could've saved himself a lot of time and effort

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by just walking over to the pile of sand, and sticking his face in it.

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Who keeps selling these people bicycles?

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How did this guy get his bicycle through airport security?

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Shit.

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That's pretty impressive. The rest, less impressive.

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This chump is trying to bike across a ditch.

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LAUGHTER

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He nearly made it...

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..if you don't know what nearly means.

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An easy way to spot a fool on a bike, is by seeing what he's doing.

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If he's riding down a hill, heading toward a big ramp,

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with no hope for landing...

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..you've probably found one.

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This crash doesn't look too bad.

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It looks three bad.

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Are you OK?

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I'm dying. Help me.

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I have three levels on my scale of bad.

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One bad, two bad, and three bad.

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This is a three bad.

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Are you OK?

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I'm dying. Help me.

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We've seen some dangerous stuff on this show already.

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Bikes, trucks, helicopters.

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But I've saved the deadliest till last -

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inflatables.

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There's nothing more terrifying than an inflatable

0:24:170:24:20

waiting to wreak havoc on an innocent passer-by.

0:24:200:24:23

Take a look at this.

0:24:230:24:25

First up, we've got all of these fools.

0:24:330:24:35

They're not happy sitting around having a good conversation,

0:24:350:24:39

they want to break something instead.

0:24:390:24:41

LAUGHTER

0:24:420:24:44

Stupid mission's accomplished.

0:24:440:24:46

This lady is working out with an exercise ball.

0:24:480:24:50

You know what they say, no pain, no gain.

0:24:500:24:53

Actually, I have a better motto - no pain!

0:24:540:24:57

I don't want to talk about what's happening on the screen right now.

0:25:000:25:04

Let's talk about something else.

0:25:040:25:05

Did you watch the game last night?

0:25:070:25:09

What's the weather like in England?

0:25:110:25:13

Are you going anywhere nice on holiday?

0:25:130:25:16

What shall I have for dinner?

0:25:170:25:19

Oh, thank goodness it's over.

0:25:220:25:23

I have no idea what these people were trying to achieve,

0:25:260:25:30

but let's say they nailed it!

0:25:300:25:31

This little boy just got a big balloon kicked in his face.

0:25:350:25:39

Life's tough. The earlier you learn that, the better.

0:25:390:25:42

I don't know who these people are, or what they think they are doing.

0:25:440:25:47

I don't really care!

0:25:470:25:49

What's happening here?

0:25:500:25:53

Is this part of a show?

0:25:530:25:55

Has anyone got a programme?

0:25:550:25:57

Go, Sean, move out of the way...

0:25:590:26:01

This guy's like all the other fools we've just seen,

0:26:010:26:03

but standing higher up.

0:26:030:26:05

Oh! Holy shit!

0:26:050:26:07

The end result is the same.

0:26:070:26:08

There's a good reason why these people aren't

0:26:100:26:13

allowed beyond that wall.

0:26:130:26:15

More exercise balls.

0:26:180:26:19

I'm betting on the big guy.

0:26:190:26:21

Oh, look, I win. How embarrassing.

0:26:220:26:25

You owe me 10,000.

0:26:250:26:28

This guy's walking to the window to hand his friend some beers

0:26:280:26:32

when his friend throws a ball in his face.

0:26:320:26:34

Bad friend, no beers for you.

0:26:360:26:38

This lady is messing around on a bouncy castle, designed for kids.

0:26:400:26:44

Nice work, Betty, you just ruined the barbecue.

0:26:450:26:48

Don't come back next year.

0:26:490:26:51

We have invented the wheel, we have invented the aeroplane,

0:26:510:26:55

we have invented the television,

0:26:550:26:57

and now, we've invented this thing.

0:26:570:26:59

Whoa!

0:27:000:27:02

Time to pack up and call it a day people,

0:27:020:27:05

our work on this planet is done.

0:27:050:27:07

That's it. It's the end of the show.

0:27:110:27:14

It went quick, didn't it?

0:27:140:27:15

Especially if you watched it in fast forward.

0:27:150:27:17

We've seen a lot of people failing today.

0:27:170:27:20

But failure happens and when it does, you shouldn't worry about it.

0:27:200:27:24

Remember, failure sets you up for your next success.

0:27:240:27:27

See you next time. So long, suckers. Hm.

0:27:270:27:31

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:410:27:44

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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