Episode 3 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing VERY foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

This programme contains some strong language

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the World's Craziest Fools - those people

with a lack of common sense, a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

and whose favourite question is, "what's the worst that can happen?" And you loved it.

But now, you want more - and you want them crazier and even more foolish.

So once again, Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least talented people.

This is the World's Craziest Fools...

Return of the Fools.

Welcome to World's Craziest Fools. I brought a friend with me to help host the show.

Don't be stupid, it's just a doll. He can't talk.

I'M hosting the show, and you better get your head in the game,

cos we got all sorts of fools coming your way.

Fools running into walls, fools jumping into pools, fools falling out of planes.

Let's start this show.

Then you say, "I'm Mr T."

Say "I'm Mr T" for Big Daddy.

("I'm Mr T.")

As anyone knows, you have to stay one step ahead of the game.

I'm so far ahead of the game, sometimes I'm thinking about the next game.

This guy's trying to use a piece of playground equipment to hurt himself in a surprising way.

Unsurprisingly, he succeeded.

These two dummies are trying to do a synchronised back flip.

Maybe "synchronised" means something different to them.

This kid wants to prove he's better than a car, by jumping over it.

1-0 to the kid.

2-0 to the kid.

2-1 - the fightback begins.

Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

This guy wants to back-flip off a truck.

If you are on a farm and you are dumber than the animals,

you might want to shut yourself up in a barn for safekeeping.

This Spanish kid's haircut is all wrong.

He needs to take a look at MY hair, then take a look at HIS hair.

Then go buy himself a hat.

Germany... And it looks like a nice day to hit the beach.

Now we're in Estonia.

And it looks like a nice day to hit the town.

OK, time to stop hitting things.

This fool's trying to escape from his fool prison.

Keep trying, pea brain!

It takes a special kind of stupid

to miss every single rubber mat in that room.

Hey you - put your shirt back on, and finish building that house like you supposed to.

What is it with all these people? Don't they have anything better to do?

I can make some suggestions, if that's what's needed here.

How about, go get yourself some jobs for starters?

Or do some stuff for charity.

Why don't you go down to the old folks' home, and help them find some fun stuff to watch on TV?

Or you can go down to a dog sanctuary, and clean up some poo.

Basically, stop jumping off stuff and do something useful with your hands and feet instead.

Back in the '80s, I invented a little thing called "The '80s".

It was a crazy party, and it went on for a whole decade.

Then everyone woke up in 1990, and found out

they couldn't remember anything, and they were covered in tattoos.

Tattoos seem a good idea at the time, but they can turn out badly.

Mr T's rules for tattooing fools.

Rule One. Tattoos are a great way of reminding yourself of a good time you once had,

but pick those incidents carefully.

Rule Two.

Don't let anyone make you choose between your favourite film star or animal.

Rule Three. Don't commit yourself to one mood for the rest of your life.

Rule Four.

Always remember the famous proverb -

when a man loses an arm, he often gains a dolphin.

Rule Five.

When having a tattoo,

always remember to leave room for your face.

Rule Six.

You may be asked to choose your design

from the wall in the tattoo parlour.

Be careful not to choose the actual wall as your pattern.

And finally, rule seven.

Don't be a dickhead.

Being a fool is dangerous at any time of the year

but it's especially dangerous at winter time.

That's when nature turns the heating off

and people start suffering from brain freeze.

Take a look at this if you think you can handle it.

If you don't think you can handle it, just close your eyes.

We'll be back on me in two minutes.

This guy's kite boarding.

It involves attaching a kite to your snowboard

and then screaming and flailing your arms

while the wind blows you all over the mountain.

It's not as much fun as it sounds.

This guy's trying to snowboard over a ditch.

He's tried it before but failed.

This is his last ditch attempt.

MR T LAUGHS

I'm a funny, funny man.

Oh, boy.

This biker has taken the wrong turn

and accidentally ended up in the snow...

..upside down.

Or maybe he's just programmed

the wrong destination into his sat nav.

Here's another gold medal buffoon.

The amount of fools I've seen today,

I'm surprised there aren't more queuing up behind him.

Russia. This guy has licked a bar and now he's stuck to it.

This is a story of grit, pain and forbidden love.

It's also a story of bad judgment, low intelligence

and stupid friends you'd be better off without.

There's got to be a better way to get down mountains.

Don't go up mountains in the first place.

That's the better way to get down mountains.

This guy's so stupid, he's skiing backwards.

I guess if you are that dumb,

it doesn't matter what direction you're going in.

This guy is even stupider than the last guy,

unless it's the same guy.

Those two stupid guys could very well be

one super-stupid guy.

Snowmobile racing.

They say once you fall off something, the best thing you

can do is get right back on it.

Unfortunately, that saying doesn't account for people

who are really bad at whatever it is they are riding.

if you're really bad, don't get right back on it again,

otherwise you will just fall off again.

Much better to give the whole thing up and go and have a sleep.

Don't worry, he's OK.

This little man has potential.

Whee!

This went wrong the day he was born.

Whee!

I don't think I need to tell this guy not to have a second go.

He probably ain't going to be having any conversation

for a few days anyway.

Ain't you ever heard of physics, fool?

This snowmobile has realised its owner is a fool

and is making a break for it.

That's it, little machine, you're better off on your own.

I like this guy.

Oh.

He's still at the age where it's OK to be this dumb.

This Skidoo is an all terrain vehicle.

That doesn't mean it's going to help you if you smack it into a tree.

This Skidoo is not an all terrain vehicle.

That's why it's sinking.

It's for ground only.

See if you can ride it on the ground at the bottom of the lake, fool.

I like the emergency services.

They do a great job keeping us safe.

That don't mean they can't have a bad day

and sometimes that bad day is caught on camera.

Take a look at this.

This fireman's on his way to an emergency.

Looks the emergency is down there around his ankles.

He got there quicker than he imagined.

Next up, this Turkish SWAT team guy tries to kick down a door

that's already open.

Who cares?

It's never a bad idea to show off your power moves.

Police officers have to deal with all types of dangerous criminal.

This dog is wanted for a string of crimes.

Urinating in public, disturbing the peace through barking,

making obscene gestures at a pussycat, and also...

murder.

Don't worry though. They caught him in the end.

Notting Hill Carnival.

That's a big carnival where once a year the police dance around

like crazy people to entertain the rest of London.

I think some other stuff goes on too.

But this is the main part of it, right?

Russia, where this police officer is struggling

to apprehend his own motorcycle.

Never mind, sergeant, Russia's a small country.

You're bound to run into it again.

These officers have just arrested a guy and they have sentenced him

to nine seconds in the back of the police car.

Time's up, sucker. Don't do it again.

These cops have used their cars to make a road block.

Never mind, you'll get them on the way back.

This rescue helicopter is trying to make a landing.

Unfortunately, the pilot has temporarily confused the sea

with the ground.

The bad news is that helicopter's going to sink.

The good news is

they caught themselves a couple of tuna for dinner.

Don't worry about the pilot, though, he's OK.

Right, what's next?

The following is a true story.

A police officer called to the scene of a domestic dispute decided

that the only way to bring the situation to a swift end was

to use his Taser gun on the husband of the woman who called.

With his gun at the ready, he prepared to shoot.

His first shot missed the man

and instead managed to hit the family cat.

The second shot also missed and this time hit the son's teenage friend.

He missed again with the third shot but, on the upside, he had

managed to avoid hitting any innocent bystanders.

With the Taser gun now empty, the officer reloaded

and prepared to fire again.

In a triumph for marksmanship

he hit himself with shot four.

Shots five and six then hit the ceiling and after fully discharging

the weapon twice and failing to hit the man once, the policeman

finally abandoned the Taser and reached for the pepper spray.

This safety first approach also failed as he managed to discharge

it in the face of the man's daughter who had just walked in.

Eventually, realising that this policeman was doing more

damage than he ever could, the man decided to give himself up.

I like swimming as much as the next guy,

unless the next guy is any of these next guys who all hate swimming.

Basically, here's some bad swimmers.

Mexico.

And the first rule of water is...

it's slippy.

The second rule of water is...

it's slippy.

I just said the first rule twice.

What are you going to do about it?

This show-off does a triple somersault swan dive and then

lands straight on his back.

He thinks that's pretty funny.

Wait till he finds out there's sharks in there.

The important things bout jumping over water

are the jumping, the over and the water.

Argentina. Now keep your eyes on the girl about to dive.

She's pretty, isn't she?

Next clip.

In the time it took that guy to climb to the top of the slide...

..someone's stolen his pool.

This girl's trying to learn how to surf on a wave machine.

Wave goodbye to her.

Someone told this jerk, it'd be good if he jumped in a ditch.

He's so stupid, all the dogs have come along

to see him make a fool of himself.

Here's a tip.

If you run like this...

..you'll find yourself doing a lot of that.

Here's another tip.

If you can't climb a ladder, you probably shouldn't be thinking

about going up on a roof and jumping into a swimming pool.

Master the basics first, people.

This girl needs to go back to falling in the water school.

She's nearly there, but her technique is just a little off.

It's tough to swim on the top of a fence.

Other places tough to swim, are in a car,

in a real shack. Basically, anywhere there is no water.

This guy parked his van in the water so his friend can drive his

jet ski straight in.

Jet skis are water vehicles. Vans are not water vehicles.

Back to vehicle identification school for this chump.

Those were a few tips on how to survive in the water.

But if you still not sure about the water, don't go in the water.

Stay away from the water. Don't even drink water.

Drink juice instead.

Mmm, juice is good. Mm.

PHONE RINGS

Those two fools deserved each other.

Here's some other people who deserve each other.

That's why we put them together in the next bit of the show.

It's Assorted Fools.

MUSIC PLAYS

-Do you want to say some last words?

-Go on.

Time now for everyone's favourite part of the show.

Of course, everyone's favourite part of the show is the whole show,

but this next bit, it is especially favourite.

It's Mr T's School for Fools.

Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School for Fools.

I'm going to go easy on you today.

I'm going to teach you about the theory of relativity.

What is the theory of relativity? Listen up.

This guy's clearly a fool.

But relative to this woman, he's a genius.

That's the theory of relativity. Class dismissed.

Alcohol is a great way for normal people to experience

what it's like being a fool.

Here's some clips of people walking a mile in a fool's shoes.

# Well, I got to get drunk and I sure do dread it

# Cos I know just what I'm going to do...#

The USA.

Looks like this quarter back has lost the rest of his team.

Don't worry, champ, they'll find you soon enough.

All they have to do is follow the sound of everyone laughing.

He's going! Oh, Jesus.

Russia.

This guy is so drunk, he can't even get on his bicycle.

This guy's invented a new sport.

It involves stacking boxes on top of each other.

I'm going to call it, boxing. That's a great name for a sport.

I'm surprised there isn't already a sport called, boxing.

Ukraine, and this drunk guy's going for a swim.

How's the water? Cold and hard.

Here's some advice, drunk, Japanese man.

When you're going over a zebra crossing,

you do not have to do impressions of a zebra.

If you are looking for a sign you have drunk too much...

..this one's pretty good.

Your standards drop when you're drunk and maybe you end up

doing things with people you don't want to be doing things with.

Personally, I think this dog could do a lot better.

Here's a drunk guy picking a fight with a lamp post.

If that lamp post knew he was coming,

it would have ended very differently.

That's the only way the guy's going to beat a lamp post, at anything.

Alcohol lies to you. It tells you ugly people are attractive.

It tells you stupid things are funny...

..and it tells fools like this they can dance.

Check out this drunk dummy.

He just made everybody else's day at the beach

10 times more entertaining.

Who needs a donkey ride when you've got a tanked up fool

throwing himself into the sea?

Call the land line now.

This guy just found out that shell suit trousers

don't look any better when they're on fire...

..or after they've been on fire.

And my final piece of advice is, alcohol in sports, don't mix.

I think that's what the security guard is politely pointing out

to that drunk fool.

That's the end of the show.

Before you turn off your television set,

I'd like you to think about this.

It's true, you don't know what you got till it's gone,

but it's also true you don't know what you been missing

until it arrives.

So, keep your eyes open my friends, and be good to yourselves,

and each other.

See you next week. So long, suckers.

Come on, little buddy.