Episode 4 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

those people with a lack of common sense,

a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

And you loved it.

But now you want more, and you want them crazier and even more foolish.

So, once again, Mr T has delivered

an array of the world's least talented people.

This is World's Craziest Fools...

Return Of The Fools.

The world is a dangerous place.

Seems like everywhere you look, you got people doing stupid things,

especially if you are looking at BBC Three for the next 30 minutes.

On today's show, we got fools smashing up shops,

fools diving off roofs, fools skiing off mountains.

But don't worry, I'm here to guide you through it.

You can relax. You're safe now. You're safe.

In sport, you got to overcome every hurdle to be the best,

especially if it's hurdling.

Here are some fools that failed.

'First up, basketball.

'This little kid is practising so he can make it in the big leagues.

'He's going to be a big smash.

'Next up, steeplechase.

'Come on, suckers!

'You think these people were all gathered to watch a race?

'They want to see someone get wet. Give them a show!'

GROANING

'Good work, number 17. Gold medal for you.

'When playing sports, it's important to know what sport you're playing.

'For example, if you're standing behind a starting line

'with seven other guys, it's probably a race.'

STARTING WHISTLE BLOWS

LAUGHTER

'And if you're in a race, don't start busting out gymnastic moves.'

HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS

'I do know a lot about this game.

'The strikers are trying to score a goal basket with their racket sticks.

'I think that's six points.

'People think sport is a physical thing.

'It's actually 90% mental.

'If you want to win, all you got to do is use your head.

'Here's the proof.'

CHEERING

'These fans are watching a game of American football.

'Or, to use the correct term, football.

'Keep your eye on number 88.'

Yeah! Yeah!

-MAN LAUGHS:

-We got that on video!

'Nice work, big guy. I hope you got a helmet to match that jersey,

'cos when your mama get home, she's going to slap you around the head!'

-HE SHOUTS

-Yeah! Let's go, Giants!

There are three types of criminals -

the ones who don't get caught, the ones who do get caught

and the ones that are so dumb they catch themselves,

leaving the police time to catch the first type of criminals.

Listen to this.

The following is a true story.

A woman in Penn Valley, California, entered a local shop

with one thing on her mind - theft.

After picking up a few items from around the store, she ducked down

between the aisles to conceal her contraband.

She made sure that she was not seen by the clerk, but sadly did not

display the same level of vigilance for the surveillance camera

that was pointing directly at her.

She walked confidently up to the counter and paid for only one item.

The shop assistant, unaware at this stage that her bag was stuffed

with concealed goods from the store, allowed her to leave.

However, on her way out, the thief noticed a stall selling tickets

for a local raffle.

Emboldened by her success and perhaps believing this was

her lucky day, she stopped by the stall to enter the raffle

and left the shop in the hope of further riches to come.

But the stars, it seems, weren't in alignment for her that day.

Soon after she returned home,

she received a knock at the door from the police.

They had managed to track her down, using her name, address

and phone number that she had supplied the organisers of the raffle and, thus, the store.

They arrested her immediately.

Fortune, it seems, does not favour the foolish.

Everyone knows that water is made from hydrogen and oxygen,

but fools think they can improve on that by adding themselves to it.

Wrap your eyes around this!

'This fool is clearly about to do something stupid.

'At least he's wearing a safety hat.

'He's also wearing his safety glasses and his safety moustache.

'You can never wear enough protection if you're a fool.

'Always make sure you use the right equipment for water volleyball.'

WOMAN SCREAMS

'If your ball has two arms, two legs and screams when you chuck it

'in the air, you may have picked up the wrong item.'

MAN SCREAMS

'This is the worst Tour de France' I've ever seen!

MAN SCREAMS

'This young athlete's about to change diving for ever.

'A reverse somersault, into a head plant, into a belly flop.

'Take that, rule book! You just got rewritten.

'Here's another page ripped out of the diving rule book.

'An arms-up, ankle-first, forward leap.

'Ooh!

'Fools are drawn to water. Nobody knows why.

'They just get an overwhelming urge to throw themselves in it.'

Oh-h-h!

'It's one of nature's mysteries.

'That diving rule book is taking a real beating today.

'Over to Australia, where this guy's about to take one for the team.

'Unfortunately for him, he's not on a team. He's all by himself.

'He just took that for no reason.

'See if you can spot the fool in this clip. I'll give you a clue.

'He's a big guy, and he's wearing an orange top.

'Have you seen him yet?

'If not, try turning your chair around

'so you can face the television screen.'

LAUGHTER

Dear The Queen,

unfortunately I am going to have to turn down your kind offer

of succeeding you to the throne as the crown would ruin my hair.

Yours truly, Mr T.

Sorry about that.

I was just taking care of some personal business.

Here's some clips of assorted fools.

'First up, a photographer at a wedding.'

-PHOTOGRAPHER:

-Argh!

'Splash down!

'If someone needs to be taking photos of your photographer,

'you need to get a new photographer.

'New York City subway. Next stop, Painsville.'

-COMMUTERS:

-Ooooh!

'No matter how much I warn people,

'they still want to try to get to Painsville.

'If you can't tell the difference between a road and a river...

'..look for the fish.

'If there's lots of fish, you'll be biking on a river by mistake.

'Next up, take a look at this clip from Brazil.

'These guys are either too big for their car,

'or their car's too small for them.

'That's no longer something they have to worry about.

'This little girl has climbed into a claw machine, and now she's stuck.

'Her parents have a decision.

'Do they use their last quarter to get her back out,

'or do they go for one of those cute stuffed zebras?

'It's a real tough one.

'Bikes take you from A to B.'

Oh-hoo! Oh, my God!

'Sometimes, they go all the way to A&E.

MAN LAUGHS

I don't know what the questions was, but the answer is painkillers.

A back flip is a great way to start a party.

Breaking your face on the kitchen floor is a great way to end a party.

They say it's unlucky to walk under a ladder. It's also unlucky

to fall off the top of a ladder.

Ladders are generally unlucky.

When I'm elected president of the universe,

I intend to have them banned.

If you want me to become president of the universe,

which you do,

you need to go online and sign my petition.

When I reach two billion signatures, I'll start my campaign.

-MAN FILMING:

-Come back this way without falling off,

I'll be impressed.

-WOMAN:

-Without falling... Shit.

Some people have got a mountain to climb

if they want to achieve their ambitions.

If this man's ambitions are to get his bag back,

then that saying is especially true.

This guy was OK, although his mum was real angry with him.

Hello, is that 911? Yeah.

I just wanted to say you're doing a great job. OK. Bye. Bye bye.

No, you hang up. Nah. You hang up! OK.

Those are the kind of calls the police like to receive,

not ones like these.

TELEPHONE RINGS

DIAL TONE

I'm hungry for some clips of fools with a side order of dipsticks.

It's delicious.

-MAN:

-Yeah, now you got it, Maddox.

Yeah, bro!

Cheese, tomatoes...

Pepperoni...

Mushroom, peppers and extra beef...

Extra cheese...

Extra beef too, you know.

Yeah, that's the way I like it.

CHILD SCREAMS

-WOMAN:

-Back up so he can throw it to you.

Oh, my gosh!

CHILD CRIES

-WOMAN:

-Here it goes. All right, Andrew. This is my not-so-smart kid.

TRUCK HORN

# Happy birthday to you. #

-CLOWN:

-Cha, cha, cha. Go ahead and blow out the cand...

CHILDREN LAUGH

PARTY BLOWERS

-WOMAN:

-Oh! Ow!

As if fools weren't dangerous enough on their own, some of them

go around on roller-skates and skateboard and other things.

The good news is, they usually get their comeuppance.

Coming up, some comeuppance, coming up now.

First up, this happens.

That lamppost had a great view of that piece of foolishness.

It was having a really boring day before those two chumps

came along and livened things right up.

How can you tell if you're cycling too fast?

When that happens.

Watch your speed, people!

Also, wear a seatbelt, especially if you're on a bicycle.

Here's a fool on a bike in the woods.

The woods is the best place for him.

He's not safe to be around normal people like you and me.

I'm assuming you are normal. You might be a fool like this girl.

-WOMAN:

-Oh, Jesus!

If you're a fool, I'm going to have to terminate our friendship.

Stop calling me.

And don't try finding me on Facebook either.

I haven't put my face in a book.

My face is OK where it is, thank you very much.

You're going to need a bigger fence.

I can't help but feel the wrong person is wearing all the protective gear in this clip.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the roller disco!

You know you're bad at skateboarding

if your skateboard wants to punch you in the face.

Here's another guy who irritated his skateboard into giving him a slap.

These poor skateboards are going through a lot today.

A lot of men take their shirts off before attempting stupid things.

It doesn't make the clips any easier to watch.

This skateboarder is trying to jump over a chain.

At least he's got his shirt on.

That's about the only good thing I can say about him.

A lot of people have gathered to see our next bit of stupidity.

Maybe they've seen this guy before.

They know he's going to pull of something

pretty special in the failure department.

They were right.

Night, night, sucker.

I hope you're dreaming of a place where everything has padded corners.

LAUGHTER

This kid better get used to life in the gutter.

I think he's going to spend a lot of time there.

This is either an enormous skate board or a tiny man.

I'm going to go with enormous skate board

cos, if this is a tiny man, then this clip shouldn't be on

World's Craziest Fools,

it should be on World's Tiniest People.

And I don't present that show. Not yet anyway.

This fool is about to attempt the loop de loop.

He's loop de loopy, if you ask me.

Someone had better be writing these jokes down

and putting them in Mr T's Joke Book,

contains at least 12 great jokes, coming to stores near you soon.

Put on your sun cream.

It's time for some rules for holiday fools.

You don't need to put on your sun cream, by the way.

It's just television.

Mr T's rules for holidaying fools.

Rule one.

If your hotel is right on the beach, that's good.

If your plane is right on the beach, that's bad.

Rule two.

Having a whale of a time and having a time with a whale

are very different things.

Always check the brochure.

Rule three.

When you're hitting the beach, be careful of camel toe...

and leg...

and mouth...

and, basically, be careful of the whole camel.

Rule four.

Remember that while some laws are different abroad,

the laws of physics are roughly the same.

And finally, rule five.

Getting up close to tourist attractions is all very well,

but sometimes it pays to take a step back.

Hey, you! Yes, you!

Put that down and concentrate on this.

Welcome to Mr T's School for Fools.

What's up, kids? Today's lesson is biology. What is biology?

It's animals. Animals are like us,

only they got more claws and fur and teeth and things.

Also, they don't like it when you try to wrestle with them.

I'm going to show you some examples of animals

so you can recognise them if you see one walking down the street.

So, now you know what all the animals look like.

If you are confused, just ask Mr B.

He's my deputy head.

Class dismissed.

Did you know that there are over 100 different types

of animals on the earth?

There are lions and tigers and sharks and other ones too.

They all have one thing in common.

They don't like it if you mess with them.

ROARING

LAUGHTER

So everyone thought the first animal to rise up against man

would be the ape, but it was the geese.

Just as I predicted.

Next, I said it would be cats.

They going to come for us one at a time.

This isn't nothing to do with animals rising.

This is just a fool getting too close to a cow

and getting kicked in the face. Next time, buy your milk at a shop.

Lapland, home of Santa and his reindeers.

Deers are frisky. Always stay on your guard when they're near.

You ain't safe indoors either. Here comes another deer...

SCREAMING ..looking for someone to attack or get frisky with.

These people are doing the right thing

by screaming and waving their hands around and running out of the way.

SCREAMING

This guy's pain is your gain.

HE GROANS

Don't worry. The only thing that was hurt was his pride.

This guy has set up a camera so he can propose to his girlfriend.

Unfortunately, he brought his dog along for the ride.

Next time you're planning a special moment

between you and your lady, leave Fido home.

Three's a crowd, especially when number three is a dog.

You're about to watch a story of forbidden love.

It's not a very good story.

The plot thin and the characterisation is weak.

It needs a lot of work.

Los Angeles, USA. You see a lot of crazy things in LA.

I once saw a man riding another man dressed as a horse.

Or maybe it was just a man riding a horse.

Anyway, this is footage of a bear that got loose

and roaming the streets.

Or maybe it's a man dressed as a bear.

You can never be 100% sure. That's LA.

No! No!

SCREAMING

Whether it's holy because God loves it or whether God loves it because of its holiness...

So, say, take a table or something and say...

Is this cat as bored as everyone else?

I'm guessing he's looking for the off button.

What have I told you people? Always wear your seatbelt,

especially if you're on a horse.

They don't put them on there for fun.

This old couple think they're pretty safe.

They can see the horses in front of them.

They're calm and under control.

But horses can attack from anywhere at any time.

Never let your guard down.

Don't worry, they're animals. They were OK.

Working out at a gym is more fun if you do it with a friend.

So while you're lifting some weights,

ain't no reason why your dog can't get in a few squats.

So there we go. The end of another show.

And remember, it takes a lot to make a fool of yourself.

That's right. It takes skateboards, rivers, cars, parachutes,

wet floors, lack of judgment, false confidence

and a never-say-die attitude.

In conclusion, it's a lot easier not being a fool at all.

Until next time, so long, suckers.

# Well, I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# You know I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# That falls in love with you

# And expects you to be true

# I pity the fool... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd