Episode 7 World's Craziest Fools

This programme contains some strong language

This show is full of fools doing foolish things.

Although nobody was seriously hurt, you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools,

those people with a lack of common sense,

a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

And you loved it!

But now you want more,

and you want them crazier and even more foolish,

so once again Mr T has delivered

an array of the world's least talented people.

This is the World's Craziest Fools Return Of The Fools.

Hey, you! What are you doing for the next half an hour?

I'll tell you you're watching me on BBC Three,

so don't even think about changing to that fishing channel

or that quiz TV

or the Yorkshire Pudding Network or whatever else you got over there!

Put the remote down and have a look at these stupid fools instead.

First up, motorcycles.

I like motorcycles!

I like riding them fast and feeling the wind rushing through my hair.

Fools like motorcycles, too!

They like falling off them

and feeling the ground rushing through their face.

Take a look at this.

Drag racing in the US.

They call it drag racing cos it's such a drag.

How would you like it

if you drove these three metres, then crashed into a post?

That ain't no fun at all.

You're looking at a supermarket in Thailand.

This guy goes around the parking lot all day,

cos they don't let him loose on the roads.

That's why!

The Band-Aids is on aisle three, sucker!

France.

This guy driving a moped cos he wants to have mo' fun.

All he's going to get is mo' pain.

Over to Portugal land.

There's no way this sucker's going to drive that little moped

over that big pipe.

See? It was just a pipe dream.

That's a funny joke, ha!

Brazil.

This guy's taking his motorbike for a nice dip in the river.

It's not as much fun as he thought it would be,

and he thought it would suck!

Russia.

Now, I think you'd better put that thing back into the garage,

where it's safe.

Or just crash it into the door.

Basically, get off the bike.

Next up, it's a triple fool sandwich, Mexico style.

It's not often you see the three stupidest people on the planet

together in one place.

This is a rare treat!

This is how people stop their bikes in Colombia.

I'll say this it works! Nice job, Colombia!

I like motorbikes, motorbikes like me.

We have a special understanding I promise to use both their wheels,

and they promise not to do this to me.

It's a relationship that works.

Malaysia keep your eye on the guy on the motorbike.

Ah!

Did you keep your eye on him?

Then you missed the fun bit, fool!

I'll show you again.

Pay attention this time!

Ah!

We've seen a lot of guys crashing their bikes.

Let's show a lady fool.

At least, I assume it's a lady.

It could be a guy in a wig, or it could be two small guys

standing on top of each other's shoulders wearing a dress.

SHE SCREAMS

Anything is possible

when you're dealing with these levels of stupidity.

Huh!

That's the end of the first bit of the show.

You don't have to worry about it any more, it's history.

You'd better start worrying about what's coming up next instead.

It's called Fool News, because it's news and it got fools in it!

Have a listen to this.

The following is a true story.

A young man called David somehow managed to break his arm

after falling over a dog.

But after successfully getting a cast fitted at the hospital,

he decided the best way to recuperate

was to go out to a party and get really drunk.

After passing out due to the cocktail of medicinal-grade drugs and alcohol,

his friends decided to help him out

by decorating his cast with rude images and words.

The next morning, however, it turned out

that David's parents did not have the same enthusiasm for their handiwork.

David decided to rectify this situation

by trying to remove the images from his resin cast

with some white spirit.

The liquid immediately burned through the cast

and then began burning his skin.

Quick as a flash, David decided to alleviate the pain

by smashing what remained of the cast to pieces with a hammer.

But this technique had mixed results

because, despite successfully removing the cast,

he also successfully managed to break his arm in several other places.

David returned to hospital to have a second cast fitted on his arm

but this time returned straight home.

Next up, this!

# I feel so close to you right now... #

Oh!

Don't worry, this guy was OK.

# I feel so close to you right now... #

Oh, ha-ha!

# I wear my heart upon my sleeve

# Like a big deal

# Your love pours down on me

# Surrounds me like a waterfall

# And there's no stopping us right now

# I feel so close to you right now... #

Go back! Back, back, back!

He's all right!

You'd better go, the battery's getting low.

MAN LAUGHS

Yeah!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, shit!

# And there's no stopping us right now

# There's no stopping us right now

# And there's no stopping us right now... #

OK, recording.

Oh, my God!

Fall in!

Hey, fall in!

Oh, you're fucked! You're fucked!

MAN LAUGHS

Oh, my God!

-That is so bad.

-Oh, my...!

This is an apple.

This is a banana.

This is a orange.

Coming up, we got some more clips of fools doing stupid stuff.

First up, this.

Hello and welcome to the Seattle Space Needle.

We're now going outside.

# This place about to blow... #

Aaah!

Remember, if you build yourself up too much,

you got further to fall.

Aaah!

When you're ready!

Here's what happen if you put a squirrel brain in a man's head.

This is not an experiment we need to repeat.

If your friend asks you to put on a helmet and follow him,

don't follow him!

And especially if your friend is this guy.

# We're taking names cos we don't mess around... #

Somebody get Pops a new set of shock absorbers,

then get him a full MOT and change his oil,

then give him a paint job.

This car park installed a fool-detection system.

Oh! We got one!

Next up, this happens on a trampoline.

-Oh, my...!

-MAN LAUGHS

I wish I hadn't seen this.

My eyes feel like they need a hot shower.

MAN LAUGHS

If I was your face, I would be real mad at you right now.

# This place about to blow... #

This here's tae kwon do.

Looks more like tae kwon don't to me.

That was my tae kwon do joke.

I've also got a judo joke, a tai chi joke

and one about bikram yoga.

Oh, shit, you're on fire!

I am tired of telling fools not to play with fire,

so I came up with this rhyme to stop fools from getting burned.

Oh, shit!

It goes... Fire's hot, sucker.

It does rhyme! You just listening to it wrong.

This kid is trying out some juggling.

I wouldn't advise him doing this again.

I think you are more of a one-thing-at-a-time type of person.

Next up, New Mexico.

This is the fool convention, where people from across the country

come to compete and see who's dumbest.

Oh-ho-ho, shit!

It's always a close call.

It's time to put on your dancing shoes

and sit right there, watch these fools!

Take off your dancing shoes and put them back in the box,

then decide never to dance again.

These fools just ruin it for everyone!

# Baby, baby, it looks like it's going to hail... #

Here's four old men dancing at a Romanian wedding.

# You'd better come inside, let me teach you how to jive and wail... #

This Take That reunion is going on far too long.

Keep your eye on the girl in the pink shorts.

Ah!

Even if she didn't fall in, it was worth keeping an eye on her,

so you don't have to look at that jerk in the front.

Ah!

My mother used to say, "It takes a smart person to act dumb."

This woman must be really, really, really smart.

# Mama's in the back yard learning how to jive and wail... #

CROWD GASP

This guy just taking the dance to the people,

and the crowd love it!

What a showman!

This lady is shaking her booty.

Maybe her booty is so ashamed it's shaking her right off the stage.

That's some smart booty.

Mexico.

You heard of a pool party?

Well, here's a fool party.

# One good thing about him, he knows how to jive and wail... #

This guy is stupid.

He can't tell the difference between a wall and a floor.

Uh-oh!

Now he knows.

The wall is the one with the hole in it.

Looks like your magic suit doesn't work after all, chump!

Yeah, pay in!

There's a fine line between break dancing

and kicking someone in the face.

There isn't, really.

I'm just trying to make this guy feel better.

Fuck!

This kid is doing more breaking than dancing.

I like his style.

Fuck.

Some kids love music so much it takes over their whole bodies.

We call them head-bangers.

Ow!

Sometimes I'm so funny it scares me.

Ow!

And now, it's time for a word from our sponsors.

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Some people ask me, how do I deal with all these fools?

The answer is I meditate.

I meditate on how stupid these fools are

and what I'd like to do to them if I saw one walking down the street!

I get the feeling this guy only thought through

the first half of this move.

Yeah!

Get back in, fool! We're taking you to the dump.

I'm thinking jumping over smaller stuff is more your scene.

If you were wondering what a really bad idea looks like,

it's something like this.

Ah!

Now, quit your jibber-jabber and get off my television.

Ah!

Here comes another fool.

MAN LAUGHS

Are you all right?

Look at this guy.

No, not that guy.

This guy!

Stop looking at him now.

Next time, if you want to go back in the house, try using the door.

MAN LAUGHS

Did you enjoy your boat trip, sucker?

They say great minds think alike.

Some not so great minds also think alike.

Last up, a wedding.

The best man is showing off, climbing up a windmill.

Now the windmill is showing off,

knocking the best man down to the ground.

The windmill is more impressive.

It went home with two bridesmaids that night.

I have a very extensive wardrobe.

I have green camouflage gear.

I have yellow camouflage gear.

I have white camouflage gear.

But everyone cannot look as good in camouflage gear as I do,

so they try wearing other stuff instead.

It doesn't always work.

Here's the rules for dressing up fools.

Rule one.

If you're a trendsetter, don't be surprised

if people steal your look and your identity.

And your girlfriend.

Rule two.

Double denim is a very tricky look to pull off.

The basic rule is there's always safety in numbers.

Rule three.

The possessed mannequin is also a tricky look to pull off,

but full marks to these guys for getting it spot-on.

Bravo, creepy mannequin family!

Rule four.

If you're a superhero, don't leave the house in a hurry.

These guys have clearly forgotten their capes.

And some clothes.

And finally, rule five.

Camouflage is a necessity for hiding in war zones,

even if that war happens to be in a garden centre.

Coming up now, more fools.

This should not be a surprise to you.

# Watch out now... #

Make your mind up, fool!

Are you dancing, running or falling over?

This really takes laziness to a whole new level.

If you can't be bothered to run

and you can't be bothered to go anywhere,

just stay where you are.

-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

If you're not happy with your face, go get a plastic surgeon.

This is not the answer.

I got cheese smarter than these girls,

and my cheese don't use treadmills for a good reason,

because it's cheese!

I don't know what the question was, but the answer is painkillers.

As you can see, they have treadmills in Saudi Arabia, too.

And as you can also see, they are equally bad at using them.

It's nice to see we are the same all over the world.

If the treadmill is too fast for your feet,

it's definitely going to be too fast for your butt.

This is so stupid, I feel stupid on stupid fumes.

Fools, it's your lucky day!

You're in the catchment area for my School for Fools.

Sign up! Classes begin... in five seconds.

BELL RINGS

Hello and welcome to Mr T's School for Fools.

Settle down, class. Today's lesson is economics.

What is economics?

I'll tell you. It's about money, it's about the world.

It's about love, it's about hate.

It's about ups and downs, good times and bad times.

But most important, it's about money.

For example, some people are so rich

they can afford to do things like this.

Whoa!

Oh!

Other people can't afford to ski on snow,

so they have to do things like this.

And some people can only afford to do this.

Yo, watch out for oncoming traffic!

-Oh, sh...!

-MAN LAUGHS

That's economics.

There's also a bunch of stuff about exchange rates, GDP,

but nobody cares about that.

Class dismissed!

Next up, some clips of fools on wheels.

They're like other dimwits you've already seen

but on wheels!

Happy Christmas!

If you want to back out of a stunt,

you need to do that before you in midair.

This is a great ramp for people scared of heights.

Still, it's not ideal for this lady.

Keep searching, lady you'll find your perfect ramp!

You'd better send that pole a thank-you card, fool!

It just saved you from getting run over.

Even a version of this that goes well sucks.

OK, I've seen something like this a million times before.

Ah! Ah!

I'm skate-bored. You may laugh now.

Go, Steven!

Next up, New Zealand.

I preferred Old Zealand!

Oh!

Stuff like this never happened in Old Zealand.

They should never have changed it.

Canada.

The sign says "do not enter".

The concrete says...

Ah!

Read the sign, fool!

# You can go hard or you can go home

# You can go hard or you can go home... #

Once upon a time, there was a magical forest.

-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

This ain't it.

This is just a normal forest with a dummy on a bike.

Get over it.

Here's another doof on a roof.

Oh!

That's right, fool you'd better hold your head in your hands.

That feeling of shame ain't going away any time soon!

I know these stairs.

They take you straight down to Painsville.

Have a nice trip.

Time to ramp things up a little.

This fool ramped things up all the way down to the ground.

It's going to be quicker and drier

if you just punch yourself in the face.

OK, you can open your eyes now, the show's over.

We've seen a lot of people crashing things and falling over today,

so just remember one thing time is a great healer,

but don't forget about doctors, nurses and medicine.

They're also pretty good.

Until next time, stay bright, stay beautiful.

So long, suckers.

Grrr!

# I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# I pity the fool

# That fall in love with you

# Fall in love with you

# Expecting you to be true

# Oh, I pity the fool

# Look at the people!

# I know you wondering what they're doing... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd