Episode 7 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 7

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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This show is full of fools doing foolish things.

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Although nobody was seriously hurt, you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools,

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those people with a lack of common sense,

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a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

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and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

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And you loved it!

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But now you want more,

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and you want them crazier and even more foolish,

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so once again Mr T has delivered

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an array of the world's least talented people.

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This is the World's Craziest Fools Return Of The Fools.

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Hey, you! What are you doing for the next half an hour?

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I'll tell you you're watching me on BBC Three,

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so don't even think about changing to that fishing channel

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or that quiz TV

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or the Yorkshire Pudding Network or whatever else you got over there!

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Put the remote down and have a look at these stupid fools instead.

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First up, motorcycles.

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I like motorcycles!

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I like riding them fast and feeling the wind rushing through my hair.

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Fools like motorcycles, too!

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They like falling off them

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and feeling the ground rushing through their face.

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Take a look at this.

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Drag racing in the US.

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They call it drag racing cos it's such a drag.

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How would you like it

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if you drove these three metres, then crashed into a post?

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That ain't no fun at all.

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You're looking at a supermarket in Thailand.

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This guy goes around the parking lot all day,

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cos they don't let him loose on the roads.

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That's why!

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The Band-Aids is on aisle three, sucker!

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France.

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This guy driving a moped cos he wants to have mo' fun.

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All he's going to get is mo' pain.

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Over to Portugal land.

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There's no way this sucker's going to drive that little moped

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over that big pipe.

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See? It was just a pipe dream.

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That's a funny joke, ha!

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Brazil.

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This guy's taking his motorbike for a nice dip in the river.

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It's not as much fun as he thought it would be,

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and he thought it would suck!

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Russia.

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Now, I think you'd better put that thing back into the garage,

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where it's safe.

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Or just crash it into the door.

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Basically, get off the bike.

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Next up, it's a triple fool sandwich, Mexico style.

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It's not often you see the three stupidest people on the planet

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together in one place.

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This is a rare treat!

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This is how people stop their bikes in Colombia.

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I'll say this it works! Nice job, Colombia!

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I like motorbikes, motorbikes like me.

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We have a special understanding I promise to use both their wheels,

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and they promise not to do this to me.

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It's a relationship that works.

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Malaysia keep your eye on the guy on the motorbike.

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Ah!

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Did you keep your eye on him?

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Then you missed the fun bit, fool!

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I'll show you again.

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Pay attention this time!

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Ah!

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We've seen a lot of guys crashing their bikes.

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Let's show a lady fool.

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At least, I assume it's a lady.

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It could be a guy in a wig, or it could be two small guys

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standing on top of each other's shoulders wearing a dress.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Anything is possible

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when you're dealing with these levels of stupidity.

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Huh!

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That's the end of the first bit of the show.

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You don't have to worry about it any more, it's history.

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You'd better start worrying about what's coming up next instead.

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It's called Fool News, because it's news and it got fools in it!

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Have a listen to this.

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The following is a true story.

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A young man called David somehow managed to break his arm

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after falling over a dog.

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But after successfully getting a cast fitted at the hospital,

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he decided the best way to recuperate

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was to go out to a party and get really drunk.

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After passing out due to the cocktail of medicinal-grade drugs and alcohol,

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his friends decided to help him out

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by decorating his cast with rude images and words.

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The next morning, however, it turned out

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that David's parents did not have the same enthusiasm for their handiwork.

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David decided to rectify this situation

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by trying to remove the images from his resin cast

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with some white spirit.

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The liquid immediately burned through the cast

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and then began burning his skin.

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Quick as a flash, David decided to alleviate the pain

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by smashing what remained of the cast to pieces with a hammer.

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But this technique had mixed results

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because, despite successfully removing the cast,

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he also successfully managed to break his arm in several other places.

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David returned to hospital to have a second cast fitted on his arm

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but this time returned straight home.

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Next up, this!

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# I feel so close to you right now... #

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Oh!

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Don't worry, this guy was OK.

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# I feel so close to you right now... #

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Oh, ha-ha!

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# I wear my heart upon my sleeve

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# Like a big deal

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# Your love pours down on me

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# Surrounds me like a waterfall

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# And there's no stopping us right now

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# I feel so close to you right now... #

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Go back! Back, back, back!

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He's all right!

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You'd better go, the battery's getting low.

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MAN LAUGHS

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Yeah!

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Oh, shit!

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# And there's no stopping us right now

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# There's no stopping us right now

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# And there's no stopping us right now... #

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OK, recording.

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Oh, my God!

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Fall in!

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Hey, fall in!

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Oh, you're fucked! You're fucked!

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MAN LAUGHS

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Oh, my God!

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-That is so bad.

-Oh, my...!

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This is an apple.

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This is a banana.

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This is a orange.

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Coming up, we got some more clips of fools doing stupid stuff.

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First up, this.

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Hello and welcome to the Seattle Space Needle.

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We're now going outside.

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# This place about to blow... #

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Aaah!

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Remember, if you build yourself up too much,

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you got further to fall.

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Aaah!

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When you're ready!

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Here's what happen if you put a squirrel brain in a man's head.

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This is not an experiment we need to repeat.

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If your friend asks you to put on a helmet and follow him,

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don't follow him!

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And especially if your friend is this guy.

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# We're taking names cos we don't mess around... #

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Somebody get Pops a new set of shock absorbers,

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then get him a full MOT and change his oil,

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then give him a paint job.

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This car park installed a fool-detection system.

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Oh! We got one!

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Next up, this happens on a trampoline.

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-Oh, my...!

-MAN LAUGHS

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I wish I hadn't seen this.

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My eyes feel like they need a hot shower.

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MAN LAUGHS

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If I was your face, I would be real mad at you right now.

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# This place about to blow... #

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This here's tae kwon do.

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Looks more like tae kwon don't to me.

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That was my tae kwon do joke.

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I've also got a judo joke, a tai chi joke

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and one about bikram yoga.

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Oh, shit, you're on fire!

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I am tired of telling fools not to play with fire,

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so I came up with this rhyme to stop fools from getting burned.

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Oh, shit!

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It goes... Fire's hot, sucker.

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It does rhyme! You just listening to it wrong.

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This kid is trying out some juggling.

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I wouldn't advise him doing this again.

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I think you are more of a one-thing-at-a-time type of person.

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Next up, New Mexico.

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This is the fool convention, where people from across the country

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come to compete and see who's dumbest.

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Oh-ho-ho, shit!

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It's always a close call.

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It's time to put on your dancing shoes

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and sit right there, watch these fools!

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Take off your dancing shoes and put them back in the box,

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then decide never to dance again.

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These fools just ruin it for everyone!

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# Baby, baby, it looks like it's going to hail... #

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Here's four old men dancing at a Romanian wedding.

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# You'd better come inside, let me teach you how to jive and wail... #

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This Take That reunion is going on far too long.

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Keep your eye on the girl in the pink shorts.

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Ah!

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Even if she didn't fall in, it was worth keeping an eye on her,

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so you don't have to look at that jerk in the front.

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Ah!

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My mother used to say, "It takes a smart person to act dumb."

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This woman must be really, really, really smart.

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# Mama's in the back yard learning how to jive and wail... #

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CROWD GASP

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This guy just taking the dance to the people,

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and the crowd love it!

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What a showman!

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This lady is shaking her booty.

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Maybe her booty is so ashamed it's shaking her right off the stage.

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That's some smart booty.

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Mexico.

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You heard of a pool party?

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Well, here's a fool party.

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# One good thing about him, he knows how to jive and wail... #

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This guy is stupid.

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He can't tell the difference between a wall and a floor.

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Uh-oh!

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Now he knows.

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The wall is the one with the hole in it.

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Looks like your magic suit doesn't work after all, chump!

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Yeah, pay in!

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There's a fine line between break dancing

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and kicking someone in the face.

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There isn't, really.

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I'm just trying to make this guy feel better.

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Fuck!

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This kid is doing more breaking than dancing.

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I like his style.

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Fuck.

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Some kids love music so much it takes over their whole bodies.

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We call them head-bangers.

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Ow!

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Sometimes I'm so funny it scares me.

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Ow!

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And now, it's time for a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.

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You can sense fear.

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You can feel pain.

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You can smell stupid.

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New I'm Actually A Professor from Laboratoire T

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masks that unmistakable stink of failure.

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Act like an idiot, smell like a genius.

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Fragrance for men and women who reek of stupidity.

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T-Industries, making it all better since the 1980s.

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Some people ask me, how do I deal with all these fools?

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The answer is I meditate.

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I meditate on how stupid these fools are

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and what I'd like to do to them if I saw one walking down the street!

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I get the feeling this guy only thought through

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the first half of this move.

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Yeah!

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Get back in, fool! We're taking you to the dump.

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I'm thinking jumping over smaller stuff is more your scene.

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If you were wondering what a really bad idea looks like,

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it's something like this.

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Ah!

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Now, quit your jibber-jabber and get off my television.

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Ah!

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Here comes another fool.

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MAN LAUGHS

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Are you all right?

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Look at this guy.

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No, not that guy.

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This guy!

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Stop looking at him now.

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Next time, if you want to go back in the house, try using the door.

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MAN LAUGHS

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Did you enjoy your boat trip, sucker?

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They say great minds think alike.

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Some not so great minds also think alike.

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Last up, a wedding.

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The best man is showing off, climbing up a windmill.

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Now the windmill is showing off,

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knocking the best man down to the ground.

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The windmill is more impressive.

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It went home with two bridesmaids that night.

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I have a very extensive wardrobe.

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I have green camouflage gear.

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I have yellow camouflage gear.

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I have white camouflage gear.

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But everyone cannot look as good in camouflage gear as I do,

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so they try wearing other stuff instead.

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It doesn't always work.

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Here's the rules for dressing up fools.

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Rule one.

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If you're a trendsetter, don't be surprised

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if people steal your look and your identity.

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And your girlfriend.

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Rule two.

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Double denim is a very tricky look to pull off.

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The basic rule is there's always safety in numbers.

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Rule three.

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The possessed mannequin is also a tricky look to pull off,

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but full marks to these guys for getting it spot-on.

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Bravo, creepy mannequin family!

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Rule four.

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If you're a superhero, don't leave the house in a hurry.

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These guys have clearly forgotten their capes.

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And some clothes.

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And finally, rule five.

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Camouflage is a necessity for hiding in war zones,

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even if that war happens to be in a garden centre.

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Coming up now, more fools.

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This should not be a surprise to you.

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# Watch out now... #

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Make your mind up, fool!

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Are you dancing, running or falling over?

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This really takes laziness to a whole new level.

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If you can't be bothered to run

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and you can't be bothered to go anywhere,

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just stay where you are.

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-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

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-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

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If you're not happy with your face, go get a plastic surgeon.

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This is not the answer.

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I got cheese smarter than these girls,

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and my cheese don't use treadmills for a good reason,

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because it's cheese!

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I don't know what the question was, but the answer is painkillers.

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As you can see, they have treadmills in Saudi Arabia, too.

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And as you can also see, they are equally bad at using them.

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It's nice to see we are the same all over the world.

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If the treadmill is too fast for your feet,

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it's definitely going to be too fast for your butt.

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This is so stupid, I feel stupid on stupid fumes.

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Fools, it's your lucky day!

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You're in the catchment area for my School for Fools.

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Sign up! Classes begin... in five seconds.

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BELL RINGS

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Hello and welcome to Mr T's School for Fools.

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Settle down, class. Today's lesson is economics.

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What is economics?

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I'll tell you. It's about money, it's about the world.

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It's about love, it's about hate.

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It's about ups and downs, good times and bad times.

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But most important, it's about money.

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For example, some people are so rich

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they can afford to do things like this.

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Whoa!

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Oh!

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Other people can't afford to ski on snow,

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so they have to do things like this.

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And some people can only afford to do this.

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Yo, watch out for oncoming traffic!

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-Oh, sh...!

-MAN LAUGHS

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That's economics.

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There's also a bunch of stuff about exchange rates, GDP,

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but nobody cares about that.

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Class dismissed!

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Next up, some clips of fools on wheels.

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They're like other dimwits you've already seen

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but on wheels!

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Happy Christmas!

0:24:190:24:20

If you want to back out of a stunt,

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you need to do that before you in midair.

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This is a great ramp for people scared of heights.

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Still, it's not ideal for this lady.

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Keep searching, lady you'll find your perfect ramp!

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You'd better send that pole a thank-you card, fool!

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It just saved you from getting run over.

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Even a version of this that goes well sucks.

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OK, I've seen something like this a million times before.

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Ah! Ah!

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I'm skate-bored. You may laugh now.

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Go, Steven!

0:25:280:25:29

Next up, New Zealand.

0:25:290:25:31

I preferred Old Zealand!

0:25:310:25:33

Oh!

0:25:350:25:36

Stuff like this never happened in Old Zealand.

0:25:360:25:39

They should never have changed it.

0:25:390:25:41

Canada.

0:25:430:25:45

The sign says "do not enter".

0:25:450:25:47

The concrete says...

0:25:470:25:49

Ah!

0:25:490:25:50

Read the sign, fool!

0:25:500:25:53

# You can go hard or you can go home

0:25:530:25:55

# You can go hard or you can go home... #

0:25:550:25:57

Once upon a time, there was a magical forest.

0:25:580:26:01

-Oh!

-MAN LAUGHS

0:26:030:26:04

This ain't it.

0:26:040:26:05

This is just a normal forest with a dummy on a bike.

0:26:050:26:08

Get over it.

0:26:080:26:09

Here's another doof on a roof.

0:26:140:26:16

Oh!

0:26:170:26:18

That's right, fool you'd better hold your head in your hands.

0:26:180:26:22

That feeling of shame ain't going away any time soon!

0:26:220:26:25

I know these stairs.

0:26:280:26:30

They take you straight down to Painsville.

0:26:300:26:32

Have a nice trip.

0:26:360:26:37

Time to ramp things up a little.

0:26:400:26:41

This fool ramped things up all the way down to the ground.

0:26:440:26:47

It's going to be quicker and drier

0:26:540:26:57

if you just punch yourself in the face.

0:26:570:26:59

OK, you can open your eyes now, the show's over.

0:27:040:27:08

We've seen a lot of people crashing things and falling over today,

0:27:080:27:12

so just remember one thing time is a great healer,

0:27:120:27:15

but don't forget about doctors, nurses and medicine.

0:27:150:27:18

They're also pretty good.

0:27:180:27:20

Until next time, stay bright, stay beautiful.

0:27:200:27:23

So long, suckers.

0:27:230:27:25

Grrr!

0:27:250:27:28

# I pity the fool

0:27:280:27:30

# I said I pity the fool

0:27:310:27:34

# I pity the fool

0:27:350:27:37

# That fall in love with you

0:27:380:27:40

# Fall in love with you

0:27:440:27:46

# Expecting you to be true

0:27:470:27:49

# Oh, I pity the fool

0:27:490:27:52

# Look at the people!

0:27:540:27:57

# I know you wondering what they're doing... #

0:27:570:27:59

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:010:28:02

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.