Episode 8 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 8

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools.

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Those people with a lack of common sense,

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a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

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and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"

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And you loved it.

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But now you want more and you want them crazier

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and even more foolish, so once again Mr T has delivered

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an array of the world's least talented people.

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This is the World's Craziest Fools - Return Of The Fools.

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You're watching the World's Craziest Fools, with me, Mr T.

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Before I start, I'd like to introduce you to a few people

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who help make this show possible.

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Behind the camera, there's Mr T.

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On sound, it's Mr T.

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On the autocue, it's Mr T.

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And looking after the props, it's Alan.

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We've got some great stuff for you today.

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Fools head-butting fruit, fools wrestling buckets,

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fools going crazy on forklifts, so sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

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Alan, pack your stuff. You're fired!

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When I'm acting, I do my own stunts.

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If the director wants me to jump off a cliff, I jump off a cliff.

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If he wants me to wrestle a tiger, I wrestle a tiger.

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But if he wants me to look like a fool,

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that's when I get these guys in.

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These guys are pros.

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This kid wants to be the first person to sit in a bucket,

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go over a ramp and jump across a stream.

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If you're gonna have a stupid ambition,

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make sure it's one you can achieve.

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It looks like this kid doesn't know what chairs are for.

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For future reference,

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they are for sitting on and for breaking over bad guys' backs.

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Next time, use them properly.

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Even fools have to have their dreams.

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Unfortunately, these guys' dreams is like one of those weird dreams

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after you've eaten too much cheese.

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I like cheese.

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Where do these stairs go?

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That's right, sucker. Straight up to Painsville.

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It ain't no fun in Painsville.

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This guy's trying to jump into that tree.

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Oh!

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Don't worry, he's OK. The ground broke his fall.

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The arrangement of furniture in this room is all wrong.

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There's some bad feng shui.

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When you get some bad feng shui, nasty stuff happens.

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I rest my case.

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This chump's trying to do a jump with his motorcycle.

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Now he's got two motorcycles.

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You'd think he would look happier about it.

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This guy knows the secret of being a stuntman is perfect timing.

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Time to get a new career, sucker!

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The Sasquatch! musical festival in Washington, USA.

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Keep your eye on the guy trying to smash a watermelon with his head.

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You can't miss him.

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He's the guy trying to smash a watermelon with his head.

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For some reason, he looks pleased with his achievement today.

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I'd hate to see what his other days are like.

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Russia. This guy thinks he's Tarzan.

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It wouldn't surprise me if he could communicate with animals.

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That's about his level.

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Coming up now, more fools.

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This should not be a surprise to you.

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MUSIC: "Off That" by Jay-Z

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DOG BARKS

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DOG BARKS

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I'm tired of looking at fools.

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Let's listen to a fool instead.

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PHONE GOES DEAD

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Hey, what are you looking at? Look at this instead.

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These two Lithuanian women are trying to cross the road.

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Some ladies stop traffic with their beauty - others use stupidity.

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Both work equally well.

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This Slovakian reporter thinks the best place to do a broadcast

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is right by the side of the road.

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News just in - you suck at making decisions!

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In the Ukraine, catching a bus is a lot harder than here in the UK,

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especially if it's not a bus.

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Jeep versus hill is a fun game until the hill starts winning.

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When the hill starts winning, get out of that jeep!

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This guy's life is about to flash before his eyes.

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His life looks like another motorbike.

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Another race now. Check out the steward in the yellow jacket.

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He's about to get hit when a tree throws itself in the way.

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Give that tree a medal! Then chop it down.

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An icy hill in Romania and these sledging fools are out of control.

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Luckily for them, they go straight through the gate and not the wall.

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Gates are weak but walls, they are strong and they are nasty.

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Russia, and this van is driving along minding its own business

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when it nearly hits a dumb pedestrian.

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If you don't see a big orange van coming,

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maybe you should start opening your eyes when you cross the road!

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In America, we drive on the right because it's right.

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This is what happens when you drive on the left.

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A lot of people are getting lucky today.

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I guess it must be their lucky day.

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Back in the '80s, I invented something called dancing.

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It's been good for me financially.

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Every time someone dances they have to send me a penny in the post.

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In spite of the millions I've made, I sometimes regret my invention.

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Watch this.

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This guy thinks he's good at getting down.

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He is. Look at him, all the way down there.

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These drunk fools are dancing around having a good time.

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Any minute now they are gonna get overexcited and hurt themselves.

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It's like I'm a psychic.

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If you want me to predict anything for you,

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call me up and we will negotiate a fee.

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Look at these Turkish guys,

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they must be pretty good at screwing up because thousands of people

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here have come to see them, and it can't be for their music.

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Mexico, and this is the town idiot.

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Once a year, they put him on stage and make him

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dance around until he does something stupid.

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They don't have to wait too long.

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Check out this Romeo.

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He tries to bump and grind with the lady and bumps

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and grinds her right off the table, then he laughs about it.

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That's why he goes home alone.

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Next up, we are heading to a school where this physics teacher

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is rapping in front of his class.

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He just taught them a great lesson about gravity.

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I can't wait to see what the biology teacher's got lined up.

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Estonia land. I guess there's a good reason why

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they put this guy up in a tree in the first place.

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It's a shame he managed to find his way back down.

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This is what we call Spring Break in America.

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Specifically, the break was in his arms and his legs.

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This is what they call break dancing in Canada.

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Specifically, the break was in his nose and his face.

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Over to Austria. This guy's a great dancer.

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It's a shame he's a postman because he's not a very good postman.

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Maybe he needs to rethink his career.

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A daytime party in Poland

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and somebody let a loony loose to liven things up a little.

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It's worked - everyone's having a great time.

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They should enjoy themselves

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while it lasts, cos he's gotta get back to the asylum by sundown.

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And now a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.

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Now there's a way to get from up there to down here without

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smashing your legs off.

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New stairs from T-Industries are really so easy to use,

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you can fit them anywhere.

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If you've got two levels at home, you should get stairs.

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Want to go up to the bathroom to make a pee-pee? No problem.

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Need to come down again to feed the dog?

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Now you can.

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And now there's no need to break your legs.

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Stairs are a revolution in pain-free vertical transport.

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Using brand-new step technology,

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stairs from T-Industries go in both directions.

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Stairs come complete with T-Industries'

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patented safety side banisters and traction control steps.

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We guarantee using stairs will be safer than

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jumping off your roof or your money back.

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Oh my God!

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Stairs, by T-Industries - the safest route from A to B and back again.

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Remember, your legs are at risk if you get drunk,

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are on roller skates or ride a bike down your stairs.

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Terms and conditions apply.

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T-industries, making it all better since the 1980s.

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If you are easily shocked, you might not want to watch the next

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part of this show.

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In fact, if you are easily shocked, you probably switched over

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a long time ago, so I'm guessing it's safe to proceed.

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Take a look at this.

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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Oh, shit!

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Time now for the ten o'clock news.

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If it's not ten o'clock where you are watching this,

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pretend it's ten o'clock.

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The following is a true story.

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A 42-year-old carpenter from Vancouver decided to

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follow his dreams and become a stuntman.

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He concluded the best way to achieve this was with a live audition

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at the Vancouver Film Festival.

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His plan was to bungee jump from the Lions Gate Bridge

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during the festival and then descend onto the deck

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of a passing cruise ship with the eyes of the film world watching.

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For two years, he checked tide charts and boat schedules,

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he lined up sponsors and recruited assistants.

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On the big day, when everything was ready,

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he majestically swan-dived from the bridge as planned.

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He only realised his bungee cord was a little too long

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when he majestically crashed onto the deck of the boat.

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As it sailed away, he was dragged along the entire length

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of the boat, over the stern railing and into the water beneath.

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His film career failed to take off, but police got their people

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to see his people almost immediately.

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How would you like to see some clips of people falling off stuff?

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I tell you what, if you don't want to see some clips of people

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falling off stuff, call me now.

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Good, that's what I thought.

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This fool's so ashamed of himself, he's wearing a disguise

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so nobody will recognise him, but I can still recognise him though.

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I would know those dumb moves and that stupid brain anywhere.

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This kid's gathered all his friends around so they can watch him

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make a chump out of himself.

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He's put on a good show, I'll give him that.

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This chump is seeing what it's like to eat a table.

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You missed everything!

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It's hard and it's wooden and it's got a nasty aftertaste.

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Next time, stick to bananas.

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You missed everything!

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This guy thinks he's pretty cool, dancing around on top of a bin.

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He's cooler now than he was ten seconds ago.

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That's what falling in the snow does for you.

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Warning - this clip does not have a happy ending...

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Unless you are watching it backwards,

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in which case, it's an uplifting tale about a boy learning to fly.

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Let's watch all the clips backwards -

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they'll be much better that way.

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This fool's friend just bet him

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ten bucks he couldn't do a front flip down the side of a cliff,

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bounce off his face and roll down into the water like a rag doll.

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Cough up, sucker.

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This guy never wanted to parachute for a living -

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he wanted to be on the stage.

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Oh, shit!

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Now there's two jobs he can't do.

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Oh, God! Oh!

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Time for school. You are late. Don't let it happen again.

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Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School for Fools.

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I'm your teacher, Mr T,

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and today, I'm gonna be teaching you all about physics.

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What is physics?

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Physics is a natural science that involves the study of matter

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and its motion through space and time

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and its related concept of energy and force.

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Or put it another way, physics is when you fall over

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and land on your butt, like this.

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Aargh!

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Aargh! Aargh!

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You got it? Good.

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Watch out for physics next time you're walking along the street.

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Class dismissed.

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Next up - some people think it's their job to drop stuff,

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mess up and screw about.

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But what do I know? I haven't seen their contracts.

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First up, Turkey, where these two fools are trying to load up

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a van with 500 kilos of chocolate.

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I'm guessing this is a family business.

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It'd be hard to find two such stupid people who weren't related.

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This guy's working hard so he'll get a big tip.

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And there it is. Keep the change, sucker.

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The United Kingdom of Great Britain.

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If these jerks are the future of your building industry,

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then your building industry does not have a future.

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Portugal. This guy's checking out the roof.

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The roof's fine. What about the floor?

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The floor's also fine. The building is ready.

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There are lots of different ways of getting noticed at work.

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Driving through your boss with a forklift is one of them.

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"Can I get a pay raise?"

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"No, but you can get my boot up your butt."

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This crane driver is cleaning up the rubble outside this house.

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He loves his job so much, he just made a whole new pile of rubble.

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Just what I like to see - a bit of enthusiasm in the workplace.

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There are two ways to unload bottles from the back of a lorry.

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The slow, safe and careful way, and the other way.

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The other way is quicker and more fun!

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This courier is so eager to keep to his schedule,

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he can't wait to get back to his van.

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I guess he just doesn't have a head for the job.

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This forklift driver is learning the basics for the job.

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Rule one - don't do that.

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Rule two - get the heck out of my yard.

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Rule three - if I ever see your face around here again,

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I will introduce it to the wrong side of a shovel. The end.

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Now, who's the bigger fool,

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the fool or the fool who's following the fool?

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Or the fool who attaches himself to the end of a JCB

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and gets another fool to spin him around?

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LAUGHTER

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Or the fool filming and laughing?

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Basically, there's an awful lot of fools out there.

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Don't get involved.

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I'm standing here and the music's playing,

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so I'm guessing it's the end of the show.

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I hope you enjoyed it.

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Before you go off and do whatever you do next,

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I wanna leave you with my final thought -

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a person who never makes mistakes never makes anything.

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See you next week. So long, suckers.

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# I pity the fool

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# Whoa I pity the fool

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# Yeah, I pity the fool

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# Say I pity the fool... #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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