Episode 1 Holiday Hit Squad

MUSIC: "Peaches" by The Stranglers

Millions of you are already banishing the winter blues

by flicking through holiday brochures

and deciding where you're going to spend your two weeks in the sun.

We all put our trust

and our hard-earned cash into the hands of the holiday industry,

hoping it delivers on its promise.

But, as many of us know to our cost,

even the best-planned holidays can end in disaster.

Flames rushed out of this bottle straight in Kirsty's face.

It's what you'd call a holiday from hell.

I'm just appalled.

We didn't want to go out of the bedroom.

We are the Holiday Hit Squad and our mission

is to share with you some of the tricks of the trade

so that you can avoid those holiday hitches

and really get the very best out of your dream break.

We'll be delving into the most dodgy and downright dangerous hotels

on a mission to put things right.

-I can't even see a smoke alarm.

-Where is it?

this bed has cockroaches crawling over it.

We'll be access all areas in some of the favourite holiday hotspots for Britons,

where we'll get an insider's view of the perils and pitfalls that face us all.

It's really frightened you, hasn't it?

You just want to go home.

And I'll be turning disasters into dreams come true

for some unlucky victims of holidays from hell.

That is amazing!

So, coming up on the programme...

The Portuguese three-star where packing a parachute might be a good idea.

-You're not going to survive that, are you?

-No.

Enjoy your trip?

Not if you're this ill-fated fitness fan.

I went down on the kerb and just felt it snap.

And an Egyptian dream is shattered.

And I heard the bones of my legs break.

Can we help pick up the pieces?

I was really so tense, I just didn't want to face it.

But first I'm on call with the professionals

in one of the Brits' favourite holiday playgrounds.

Each year, 2½ million of us

visit the Spanish island of Mallorca,

seduced by its rugged good looks, sandy beaches, and warm Mediterranean waters.

But, while the Great British holidaymaker is letting it all hang out,

behind the scenes there's an army dedicated to dealing with our holiday disasters.

And I've got a back stage pass,

so I can find out just what happens if, amongst other things,

you're one of the 28,000 Brits every year who lose their passport...

..the quarter of a million that need medical help...

-How do you feel about being in hospital overnight now?

-Not very happy.

..Or the estimated one in ten that end up victims of crime.

It's really sad, these young boys and girls

so often get robbed, as well as raped, it's really nasty.

Tonight, I investigate how holiday boozing

can get us into a whole heap of trouble.

Every summer British revellers flood to Mallorca's legendary nightlife.

But, by partying hard, are we risking more than just a hangover?

I'm about to find out for myself from the guys

who have to deal with the consequences every day.

Well, as you can see I am dressed for action

because I'm about to meet the professionals with whom I'm going to spend the night.

These are the officers of the night shift

and they're just getting their orders

before they set out to patrol the streets of the resort of Magaluf.

Magaluf's answer to Bodie and Doyle are the two Franciscos,

and tonight they're letting me ride shotgun.

With 16 years' experience patrolling their Mallorcan manor,

they're my perfect guides.

-Just orange juice!

-I'm sure(!)

You must see a lot of very funny things!

Yes, people with dresses, men in dresses.

Stag parties!

Yes!

'And right on cue...'

-Tell me you're on a stag night!

-Yes.

-Are you?

-Yeah, I am.

-Are you the groom? You're the groom?

-Yeah, I am.

But it's not all fun and games for Francisco.

What sort of things do you have to deal with with the British?

I think the more important problem is too much drunk

with few control, drugs and a lot of people.

There are 5,000 people drunk in the same road in this street.

We all like to let our hair down on holiday,

but the Brits here in Magaluf are taking things to a whole new level

and in the process they're leaving themselves extremely vulnerable.

-This looks like somebody's drunk.

-Yes, very drunk.

Hi, mister.

Are you OK?

Do you remember your hotel name?

-No.

-You don't remember?

How much would it be to Stirling?

-Got to go home to Stirling tonight?

-Stirling, yep.

-Were you supposed to be catching a plane?

-I was meant to.

-And you've missed your plane?

-I've missed everything.

-You've missed your plane?

-Everything away.

-They've all gone?

We've got a young Scottish guy here on the beach,

clearly absolutely boozed out of his mind.

How did you get left behind?

I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Have you got any money? Where's your money?

No, you've got nothing there? And nothing there?

-So what are you going to do?

-Youse could take me to my house.

-But you're in Mallorca, you're not in Scotland.

-Exactly.

So how are we going to get you back to Scotland?

'Jack is 19, far from home

'and frankly incapable of looking after himself.'

Do you wish you hadn't drunk so much now?

I just want to go home.

You just want to go home.

'Fortunately, it's all in a day's work for the two Franciscos.

'They discover the name of Jack's hotel

'and call to find out that his friends are still there after all.'

You wait here and your friends will come in a short time, OK?

You'll be all right. Your friends will come and find you, OK?

I'm afraid the police are just not allowed to put him in the car and take him back.

Magaluf might be an extreme example

but wherever we're on holiday, we Brits frequently get ourselves

in a mess by over-indulging.

And later I'll see for myself just how out of control we can get

when we've had rather more than a few too many.

That British girl just leapt across the street like a tigress.

It's a familiar story, the brochure promises it all,

style, comfort, gourmet dining,

herds of wildebeest majestically...

Well, you know the rest, but sadly the reality doesn't always live up to the hype.

Frankly we're fed up with being short-changed,

so we're banging on the doors of some those heartbreak hotels,

on a quest to bring them up to scratch.

I'm here in Portugal, I've just arrived on the sunny Algarve.

I'm just about to check into the Hotel da Aldeia.

Now, this place has had some terrible reviews.

It really has been torn apart online, so can it really be that bad?

Only one way to find out.

The three-star Hotel da Aldeia

is just minutes from the beaches of Albufeira.

It's blessed with two pools and it's close to all the action.

What's not to like?

Well, according to online reviews, quite a lot.

The Aldeia has been lambasted as "disgusting", "appalling"

and "Portugal's answer to Fawlty Towers".

So, can it really be as awful as it sounds?

To find out, just for you, dear viewer,

I'm going to spend the night.

The thing I notice immediately even before going into the room

is from the reviews there's clearly two sides of rooms here.

There's rooms that face out on to the strip and are therefore very, very noisy,

and rooms that face the pool.

And it seems I've been given one of the nice rooms facing the pool.

A pool view twin costs around £100 per night, peak season.

So, will it be sweet dreams for me?

Right, it's now quite late at night

and I'm thinking about getting some sleep

and I just thought before I hop in it,

I'll have a quick look at the bed.

Look at that mattress, isn't that horrible?

They're all stains, everyone who's ever slept on this bed,

any sweat or God knows what else,

it's just gone straight on to the mattress,

it has no mattress protector.

It's absolutely grim, but it is what I'm sleeping on tonight.

In a busy hotel, your mattress could contain the dead skin cells,

bacteria, viruses

and any other bodily fluids of more than 2,000 people.

Nighty night!

The next morning I've called in reinforcements.

Health and safety bloodhound Lisa Ackerley

has over 20 years in the business.

She can sniff out danger a mile off.

This is just horrible.

And we've convinced the Aldeia's management to let Lisa off her leash.

It's not long before she hones in on hazard number one, and it's serious.

Well, this is absolutely shocking, to be honest.

It actually fails on nearly every count for a balcony.

You can actually see that it's just nailed, so that's not sufficient.

We've got this rotting, we've got the nailing,

we've got the wobbling, we've got some splinters.

And then the height isn't enough.

It's only about 90 centimetres.

It should be a metre.

And then we've got gaps in between, which are 14, and they should be 10.

And also we've got this step allurement.

That means the height of the balcony is reduced now from here to here.

Or even from there because you can step on that as well.

Actually, what we've got here is a climbing frame. Not a balcony.

A climbing frame at a severe height. Really, really frightening.

If I were an enforcement officer and this was in the UK I'd be taking action about this,

because I am really concerned that someone would come out on here,

having had a few drinks, lean on it and be straight over.

It doesn't bear thinking about.

I'm not going to put any weight on it but if you look over,

that's a long way down.

-That is a long way down.

-You are not going to survive that are you?

-No.

It's no wonder Lisa's so concerned.

Last summer 13 British holidaymakers fell from hotel balconies

and three of them died from their injuries.

But you'd think you'd be safe inside the rooms though, right?

Right, well, this room looks really nice,

but while you're looking up there you could trip over this rug.

And it looks as if many people have.

But the other worrying thing is, as they trip,

say a toddler could hit themselves on this sharp table.

That's really dangerous.

That's really sharp.

-Yeah, that's right.

-It's a horrible thought, isn't it?

How many toddler temples have hit that.

Yes, it could easily happen.

And I've bumped into Norman, a fellow guest,

whose room is also potentially lethal.

Look at this the bedside light.

Would you like your children in here?

-So you're a bit worried.

-You can see the cables.

If you want to try this plug in there. Just see if anything happens.

OK, slightly nervous about this, Norman. Just give it a go.

-Oh, yeah!

-That's dangerous. Very dangerous.

To get the spark, and not just the spark, a spark within reach.

It suggests that it's not properly wired and it's also dangerous.

And it's not fixed to the wall properly.

I appreciate the feedback.

-Cheers, mate, take care.

-Bye.

Exposed wires pose risks of electrocution and fire.

So what should we do in the event of an emergency?

The first thing, really, you should do when you get into a hotel room

is actually work out how you're going to leave if there's a fire.

And so, by law, they always have to have a notice on the door.

-Look at that, and tell me where you think you'd get out?

-It's a long way.

We've got to go past one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

8, 9, 10, 11 rooms,

and then down four flights of stairs. It's quite a journey.

It is, isn't it? Shall we just go and walk the route?

OK, let's walk the route.

It may seem obsessive,

but it's always worth walking the escape route in a hotel

as soon as you arrive.

For the sake of a couple of minutes,

it could save your life.

According to that plan, we were going to have to go all the way down here,

but...

HE LAUGHS

Look what's there.

-Fire escape.

-Yep.

-Why wouldn't that be on their map?

-I don't know.

You might think, how do I get out? Read the plan

-and just run that way.

-Possibly into danger.

-Yeah!

The Hotel Aldeia is an accident waiting to happen.

Later, we discover more danger in the deep.

-Oh, my goodness, look at that.

-That is absolutely horrible.

And confront the manager with our findings.

I'm so concerned, and I'm sure you must be concerned as well.

These days the world is our oyster when it comes to foreign holidays

and for many of us it's the thought of our annual fortnight in the sun

that keeps us going through those long, dreary winter months.

But, for some unfortunate souls,

their dreams of holiday heaven can turn into anything but.

I'm meeting travellers who've had the holiday from hell.

Couldn't wait to get out of there,

there was a construction site going on next door.

And trying my best to give them some brand-new happy holiday memories.

It sounds like you were a bit nervous.

My heart rate goes up.

Holidays can be a time to completely switch off,

relaxing in the pool, lying on the beach,

but for some people it's an opportunity to do something different,

to take on a challenge or an excursion that's exciting and new

but adventures are adventures because they come with an element of risk.

Egypt, exotic, historic, magical.

It's a country that's captured our imaginations for centuries.

In 2010, close to a million and a half of us holidayed there.

Linda Lea of Staffordshire caught the Egypt bug early.

Since I was about eight years of age

I developed an interest in Egypt,

the mythology, the area, the people.

In 2009, Linda decided to fulfil her childhood dreams

and book the holiday of a lifetime to Luxor.

She planned to cruise down the Nile and see the Valley of the Kings.

But, as Linda was travelling alone,

her daughter Debbie was a little nervous.

My mum's always had a bit of a kind of a disaster-ridden history

with holidays, so when she said this time she was going on holiday

I said, "Whatever you do, just come back in one piece."

Before the cruise began Linda palled up with some other lone travellers,

one offered up an exciting suggestion.

One of the ladies on the holiday had been given some money

to have a balloon trip over the desert on the Saturday morning.

And at the last minute on the Friday I agreed to go with her.

Linda's new friend Caroline had booked the trip with a local balloon company.

It's a popular way to see the Egyptian sights

and, for many tourists, makes for unforgettable memories.

But for Linda,

the memories would be unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.

When we got there

and pulled into a valley which was in front of one of the temples

it was all screaming and noise and I thought, "I don't like this very much."

As Caroline snapped away with her camera, Linda started to become alarmed.

Then I looked up at the balloon and I was watching it

because it was still being inflated as it went up

and suddenly it changed shape from being round,

to being sort of angular and it drifted sideways.

And as I was actually watching it, it burst.

Sorry.

The balloon had caught on a mobile phone mast and ripped.

It plummeted 30 feet to the ground, spilling its passengers as it fell.

And there was just a crash

and I heard the bones of my legs break and then I passed out.

And when I came to, the place was just like a battlefield,

I was trapped in the bottom of the basket and when I looked out,

there were bodies everywhere.

Linda was rushed to hospital in a critical condition.

Her friend Caroline had several broken vertebrae

and, in total, 16 people were injured.

It took two days for Debbie to reach her mother's side.

And I just remember running into this room and there's your mum

and she's got this horrible metal contraption around her head and

there's all tubes going in and out and I think I just burst into tears.

Linda had broken 62 bones.

Her accident led to a major

shake-up of the industry by the Egyptian Civil Aviation Authority.

But, tragically,

the experience has left Linda scared to go anywhere on holiday again.

It has really affected my life in as much as there are things that

I look at that I would love to do

which I just know at this point in time I can't.

'Later, I take Linda back to Egypt, but have I made a mistake?'

-How is it going so far?

-I was absolutely terrified.

'And I get to the bottom of how to have a safe

'and successful excursion.'

OK, what could go wrong?

3½ million of us visit the Balearic Islands every year,

many drawn to the world-famous nightlife.

But sometimes the party fun can come at a heavy price.

'Patrolling with the police on the streets of Magaluf, I've got

'a front-row view of what can happen when we Brits booze abroad.'

Do you understand, why they do it?

I don't know, we don't understand.

Somebody of 18 years old comes here

and they drink alcohol

till they have to go to hospital. I don't understand that.

Well, I tell you this place is absolutely buzzing

and most people are here to have a great time, but Cisco's put

his finger on it - too much booze leads to a bucket-load of trouble.

'As I soon witness for myself.'

-What's happening?

-We think there's a fight there.

-They're fighting?

'A young Brit has just attacked the owner of a club.'

That British girl just leapt across the street like a tigress,

but the police just went in, grabbed her. Already the Brits are just

showing what happens when they've got a few too many inside them.

'6,000 Brits were banged up in foreign jails last year,

'nearly a third of them in Spain.

'Here in Magaluf, most of the Brits arrested had committed

'public-order offences, many fuelled by drink.

'So what do you need to know if you're going for a drink abroad?

'Well, while drinking in public might be tolerated in Mallorca,

'if you tried the same in other top holiday spots like Dubai

'or even America, you could end up in jail.

'Be aware that any injuries or accidents that you suffer whilst

'under the influence could make your insurance invalid. And recent

'research suggests that alcohol may remove vital anti-oxidants

'from your skin and make you more prone to sunburn the following day.

'Back on the beat, it's not long before the two Franciscos

'and I come across another British lad in bother.'

Hola, What's your friend done?

Caught his foot in glass.

Was he on the beach or in a club?

I don't know how many clubs.

But he's got blood everywhere on his feet there.

By the sound of it, they were at a party and somehow he's

put his foot on glass and he's just split the bottom of his foot wide

open and the paramedics have bound his foot up but it looks as if he's

going to be a hospital case, there is blood absolutely everywhere.

And, sad to say, he's a bit the worse for drink, as well.

'Over a quarter of a million of us

'needed medical attention whilst on our holidays last year.'

MUSIC: "Save Me" by Aretha Franklin

'And more Brits were hospitalised in Spain than in any other country.

'Here in this Mallorcan medical centre,

'they deal with a daily deluge of unlucky Brits.'

-I got bitten by a mosquito.

-Caught my chin on the work surface of the kitchen.

Stood on a sea urchin and something else.

SHE GROANS

Today, 55-year-old Bristolian Bernie Williams has limped in with

a mystery illness.

He thinks he may have been stung by a Mallorcan jellyfish.

Went swimming, got out went back to the hotel for a shower,

and all I ended up with...

It's spreading up, don't know what it is, it's so painful.

Now you can come in. With a smiling face now.

Bernie is one of 3,000 holidaymakers to visit

this clinic every summer, even if he WAS reluctant to do so.

I didn't want to come in to see a doctor, my sister made me.

-Because she has a brain.

-It's always best to check things out.

Never happened before, first time it happened to you? It just hurt all around?

Just the foot.

It seems the problem is not quite as exotic as a jellyfish.

The hot holiday weather has encouraged an infection.

It's an infection of the vessels,

Because of the heat, the pores open easier and some germs go inside.

Luckily, Dr Angel Avila is an expert in saving folks' holidays.

Two injections now to stop the reaction and inflammation,

and afterwards, the medication - antibiotics and anti-inflammatory.

You'll be better in 15 minutes.

-You sure?

-Absolutely.

Will it stop me drinking?

-Absolutely not.

-That's all right then.

Don't worry about your holidays, it will be the same.

All right, here we go, with all my love.

The injections will take almost immediate effect, allowing

Bernie and his family to get straight back to their holiday fun.

-Behave, but if you don't behave, invite me.

-Cheers, Doc.

Next to throw himself on the mercy of the good doctor

is 23-year-old Chris Cyrus.

He and his twin brother Dave are fitness fanatics, but this morning

Chris is fit for nothing - he's picked up a painful ankle injury.

I felt it snap, felt like someone had just kicked me

with footie boots or something, pretty much ended up

on the floor, crawling around trying to get to a seat.

You might think sporty Chris hurt himself doing something

extreme or heroic.

Think again.

-How was it done?

-Went down on a kerb and felt it snap.

Were you drunk at this moment?

No, nothing at all.

No alcohol, nothing else?

BOTH: No.

-Please can I check you out?

-Yes, of course you can.

But, as trivial as the accident seems,

it could have serious repercussions for Chris.

Dr Avila is worried it's a problem with his Achilles tendon.

if it's seriously damaged, it could permanently affect Chris's walking.

So I'm going to prepare the injection for you now

and afterwards, we'll send you to the clinic.

Just turn over, please.

After an initial examination, Dr Avila decides to rush Chris

to a specialist for further investigation and a scan.

As soon as you go to the clinic, it will be solved, the problem,

we'll know exactly what's going on, right?

Take care, man. I'll write the papers.

Scans, medication, and examination costs could

run into the hundreds of pounds, and any surgery, potentially thousands.

-Good thing you've got insurance.

-Yeah, I know!

Fortunately, the lads have good travel insurance and an EHIC.

The European Health Insurance Card lets you get state healthcare

anywhere in the EU for free or at a reduced cost.

But you must apply for it before your journey.

And, remember, it's not a substitute for private travel insurance.

I didn't want to scare him, of course.

If it's broken and we don't join it again,

he can't walk properly any more.

-That hurts, yeah.

-I need you to turn around.

-It's painful here?

-Yep.

The scan will confirm the problem but orthopaedic surgeon Dr Garcia is pessimistic.

Your Achilles tendon, is broken.

Argh!

OK, we're going to make the coffee and after that, we talk again.

I can't believe that. Please don't be broken.

Later we'll find out just how serious Chris' condition really is.

Around two million of us visit Portugal every year,

most drawn to the glorious weather and sandy beaches of the Algarve.

But not all of us return home with a sunny disposition.

FAWLTY TOWERS THEME TUNE PLAYS

The Hotel da Aldeia in Albufeira has been winding up British tourists

no end. So as part of our mission to bring holiday accommodation up to

scratch, health and safety expert Lisa and I are inspecting it.

So far, we've discovered it to be a veritable duke of hazards,

with balconies, electrics, and furnishings all posing a risk.

'Our next stop, the Aldeia's impressive pool.'

So here we are at the pool area. It's a magnificent-size pool, isn't it?

It is lovely, It's actually really beautiful.

'But appearances can be deceptive. Eagle-eyed Lisa has spotted

'something nasty lurking beneath the surface.'

I don't know what's been going on here,

but it's as if they were cleaning and ran out of steam.

If you just go into the pool and have a little scrape...

you can actually see...

Oh, my goodness, look at that.

That is absolutely horrible!

Even apart from those really dirty tiles,

there's scum around the edge.

The clarity isn't perfect.

I've seen much worse but it's not crystal-clear.

'Parasites from unclean pools can cause stomach pains,

'vomiting, nausea and fever.

'Lisa takes a water sample to check for chlorine levels.'

Why is chlorine so important, in basic terms?

We have chlorine in there for disinfection purposes.

It's one of the ways of disinfecting a pool and basically, it kills the bacteria.

You don't want too much, because otherwise people can get skin rashes

and you don't want too little, because otherwise, it's not doing its job.

'The readings are way too low.'

You'd like to see 150 and you've got 7?

Yeah, that's not good, is it?

'It's time to confront the hotel with our findings.

'Manager Roberto has only been at the Aldeia for a few weeks.

'But he's got his work cut out to turn this hotel around.

'Lisa's urgent priority is to sort out the potentially

'life-threatening escape routes.'

The fire arrangements on the back of the door, it doesn't actually

tell you where the nearest fire exit is. It points you in the direction

of the furthest one.

Somebody needs to have a look at those notices

and make sure that they're accurate, so if there is

a fire, people can get out of the nearest exit very quickly.

'Then there's the nasty stains that I had to sleep on.'

The mattresses are obviously quite old in some situations.

The one I stayed on was a bit grotty.

Some of the mattresses have gone too far,

but if you had really good mattress covers, mattress protectors

that fit all the way round, and also pillow protectors,

you'll save money in the long run.

You can't launder a mattress once it's got really dirty.

Next, that Petri dish of a swimming pool.

The chlorine level isn't good enough.

You need a member of staff taking responsibility for that,

measuring it twice a day,

and you could have a blackboard.

Some hotels actually put down

the temperature of the water and the pH and the free chlorine

as a sort of selling point

to the guests so that they know that the pool is safe to swim in.

'These problems are bad enough but by far the biggest worry

'is the decrepit balconies - an accident waiting to happen.'

There was a big concern there for you, wasn't there?

This is the biggest concern. They're not tall enough, they're wobbly,

they have big gaps in them.

I'm very concerned that somebody could go in there. Little children

could put their feet on there and go over the edge.

Yes, in fact, we have a project for refurbishing of this hotel.

Of course, we won't do this in one, but step-by-step.

That's got to be the highest priority. I'm so concerned

that someone could actually die from falling off the balcony.

If there's anything that can be done to hurry up

the process of refurbishment, that would make me very happy.

'It's vital that Roberto acts on these recommendations immediately.

'Right now, he seems to be making the right noises.'

This is the biggest challenge that I've had so far.

And I love challenge.

I want to put this hotel in a high standard.

Our guests need to be secure in a secure place.

But talk is one thing. Will he be true to his promise?

Coming up on the programme...

'We send health and safety inspector Simon Gregory to a Cretan hotel

'that doesn't scrub up well.'

It is an area a pest would absolutely love.

'And I try to conjure up some magic memories for our victim

'of the holiday from hell.'

My lasting memory of Luxor was horror.

But first, I'm donning my lab coat for a holiday science lesson.

'From tummy trouble...' A kind of liquid, isn't it?

Yes, I'm afraid this is what it looks like. It's liquid poo.

..to the holiday sneezes...

HE SNEEZES

..all too often, an avoidable illness can take

the sheen off our holiday dream.

A burn like this, I mean, aside

from the fact it would have ruined the holiday, it's very dangerous.

'So, I've been finding out how to combat those irksome

'ailments in our very own Holiday Hit Squad lab.

'This week, we're looking at the scourge of many a sunshine break.'

There's no getting away from it, mosquitoes can ruin a holiday.

They can keep you awake at night with that irritating whine,

which, when it stops, means... you know you've probably been bitten.

And you then spend days scratching at the offending lump.

But apart from causing us misery,

mosquitoes CAN make you very ill indeed.

'Dr Chris van Tulleken has promised to teach me how these nasty little

'pests spread disease and how to stop them from ruining our holidays.'

First of all, just explain to me why should we be worried

about mozzies. I mean, what is it that they do that makes us ill?

Mosquitoes are the most dangerous animal on the planet.

It's not tigers or sharks, it's mosquitoes.

That's because they transmit diseases.

Malaria's the most obvious one,

but they transmit very nasty viruses that can kill you and parasites.

The filarial worms that give you

conditions like elephantiasis can be transmitted by mosquito.

'Mozzies are carriers for a whole smorgasbord of diseases

'from dengue fever to malaria,

'which is estimated to kill over one million people worldwide every year.

'Brave Dr Chris has volunteered to show me how it happens.

'Apparently, it's only the female that bites, using blood for energy to lay eggs.'

# The female of the species is more deadlier than the male... #

You can see the body swelling with your blood.

Is that the point that if she is infected in some way,

putting some kind of virus into your skin?

It's as she sticks in the proboscis,

which is a long, toothed tube,

she injects saliva

and the saliva usually contains the parasites

or the viruses to be transmitted.

She's laying little droplets of liquid from my blood

out the back passage there.

That means she can take in more protein from the blood.

She gets rid of the waste.

You can see the stuff come out the other end.

Why is it that mosquitoes like some people and not others?

The worse you smell, the more likely you are to get bitten.

In body odour, there's a chemical called oxynol.

Mosquitoes will follow our carbon dioxide

toward us.

When they get close, they'll decide which body odour they prefer.

'You don't even have to have your blood sucked to become ill.

'The moment a mosquito breaks through your skin,

'you are vulnerable to catching any disease that it may carry.

'Which is why prevention is so important.'

What is the best insect repellent?

It's quite nasty stuff developed by the US military called Diethyl-toluamide.

It dissolves plastic, it's a powerful solvent, but very un-reactive for skin.

Very few people are allergic and it's relatively non-toxic if you don't drink it.

But we don't call it that, we call it DEET?

We call it DEET, exactly.

'There are plenty of myths about what repels mosquitoes, but the reality

'is that each year around 2,000 people bring malaria back to the UK.

'So, we're doing an experiment.

'I'm wearing DEET, and last night, Dr Chris ate a feast of all

'the folk remedies - garlic, Marmite, and vitamin B,

'all washed down with beer to see if that'll put them off.

'We'll each put our hands in a box teeming with mosquitoes.'

These are young females. They've never eaten in their lives,

so they are absolutely ravenous...

-You're fresh meat!

-I am fresh meat.

-They're avoiding me like the plague.

It's good. They have no interest in landing on you whatsoever.

I mean, they really, really don't like it.

-OK. So now look at my hand.

-Gosh, you're covered in them!

Look at that. And not one on me.

I think we've made our point, can we just come out? There we go.

-So you can see here.

-Wow, look at that!

What do we do afterwards to mitigate the misery?

Well, a few really simple things. What I want to do right now

is put my hand in some cool water.

So get cool, take an antihistamine tablet - non-drowsy in the morning,

drowsy in the evening, that'll help you sleep. Put some cream on it,

a mild steroid cream or some antihistamine cream.

So what can we do to ensure that those pesky mozzies

don't ruin our holiday?

Use a DEET-based mosquito repellent.

Unlike other so-called remedies, this one actually works.

If you do get attacked,

then place the bitten area in cold water as soon as you can.

And take an anti-histamine pill to alleviate the pain from the bites.

# Another one bites the dust! #

Ah, Crete.

Just a four-hour flight away

and the largest of Greece's 1,400 islands,

it's no wonder that so many of us flock here every year.

# ..Down to Greece on holiday

# Oh, oh, oh... #

But those of you who visited the Neon Hotel

have been distinctly unimpressed,

with online complaints ranging from dirty rooms

and uncomfortable beds to poor breakfasts and unfriendly staff.

A double room here costs up to £42 per night.

Keen to put things right, manager Aristea has sent us an SOS.

We've dispatched our very own health and safety superhero to the island.

# When there's a problem in your town... #

White coat, got a probe thermometer,

that will come with me everywhere I go.

With six years' experience in the inspection business,

Simon has all the tools of the trade.

UV torch - this is mainly used for checking for pests.

To be true, I'm a little bit scared,

because you don't really know what to expect,

because you can see all the problems at your hotel.

Voila!

Aristea's nerves may be justified,

as Simon soon spies danger in the bedrooms.

There's no protection for fire, there's no fire alarm.

In the corridors, there's fire alarm systems in the corridors,

they just don't extend to the bedrooms,

no smoke alarm or anything like that,

so it's obviously quite a high risk that there's no smoke alarm in here.

It doesn't get any better in the stairwell.

Me and you, it's not a problem, but for a child...

You could be in big trouble down there.

Simon thinks kids are also at risk in the guest lounge.

Again, we're talking about children,

one thing they're going to possibly run into.

Start fiddling with wires.

Hopefully they wouldn't, but there is always the possibility.

So Mr Maintenance Man, he's going to have to sort this out

because we need to make sure that

these are all joined, tied and kept out of reach.

Next, Simon wants to go all CSI in the kitchen.

-We'll go through to the kitchen now?

-Yes.

-Excellent.

He's using a swab-testing machine to check levels of cleanliness.

We're going to check your preparation surface

to see if it's been properly and correctly cleaned.

What we're looking at, anything over 30 will be dirty.

3-0-2. OK? So we've scored quite high.

That basically means that the preparation surface

wasn't cleaned properly after the actual service.

Which I'm not surprised, because there are a few bits and pieces

and bits of food remains on there.

So it is a high score, it's not terrible,

but it does show that there's need and room for improvement.

High-risk foods such as meat, eggs or fish

should be stored below five degrees Centigrade

to prevent the growth of harmful organisms.

I'll just take the temperature.

In the UK, half of all cases of salmonella

are likely to have been contracted abroad.

It's around 11... 10, 11 degrees.

This is a problem because any foods like that

will start to build bacteria growth throughout time

and then by the time you get to actually serve it

the food's not in a good place and therefore

the guest is eating bad food.

For Simon, there are some serious issues

that Aristea urgently needs to address.

Cleanliness, pest-proofing

and maintenance issues were our main three areas.

We're not cleaning right underneath the actual food units themselves,

so we need to get the cleaners really working on that.

One of the big areas we spoke about

was that the food is actually at the correct temperature.

Now, we need our maintenance man to have a look at the fridge,

do some tests, clear it out, and hopefully it can be fixed.

The Neon Hotel has a lot of work to do

before it will satisfy our health and safety man.

To keep an area clean costs no money at all,

barring some hard work, and then keeping those standards.

That's not to say that

they are not going to work hard and try and improve.

Thanks to our feedback,

Aristea now knows what she needs to do to put things right.

For me, it was very good experience. We start making the changes,

they need to be done, so everybody will be happy.

As millions of us prepare to jet off for our summer holidays,

the one place you don't want to visit is a hospital or clinic.

Back at the Juaneda Medical Centre in Mallorca,

the team continue to treat a whole parade of British walking wounded,

patching up everything from dodgy arms...

I just slipped on the wet floor and hurt my arm.

I was at a foam party and fell on my wrist.

..To dodgy eyes.

-It's just sore, it's painful?

-Yeah, really sore.

But while most are quickly sent on their merry way...

Take care!

..for Scarborough lad Chris Cyrus,

who slipped off a kerb, it's more serious.

Please don't be broken. I'll be gutted if it is, man.

A scan reveals he's ruptured his Achilles tendon.

It's partially broken, needs surgery.

The doctors need to operate immediately.

I'm a bit nervous. Sooner it happens the sooner I can get out,

I suppose. I just hope there's no complications,

cos I just want to be able to walk, run, jump, everything.

He's given an injection into his spine

to numb the lower half of his body,

but he's conscious while surgeon Dr Ramos operates.

Fortunately, Chris doesn't speak Spanish.

For twin brother Dave, it's an anxious wait.

I don't really want to think about it too much,

especially with me being not allowed to be in there.

I can't say anything to cheer him up

or tell him it's going to be all right or anything like that.

I have no idea what's going on until I see him.

He's told his girlfriend,

but he didn't directly tell my mum or my grandma or anyone like that.

They're going to be going out of their mind.

He's just told his girlfriend to tell them.

But it's definitely better coming from someone else,

because if we talk we'd never get off the phone.

But Chris is in good hands.

Dr Ramos skilfully repairs the tendon,

and in no time, the operation is over.

OK, finished.

Surgery is OK, very good.

I believe, in the future, no problem with this case.

If he hadn't had travel insurance or an EHIC,

Chris's treatment would have cost thousands of pounds.

Luckily, he was well-prepared.

I've earned a drink.

Chris spent the rest of his holiday relaxing,

and is now back home in Scarborough recuperating.

Back in Portugal, it's a month after Lisa and I

carried out our inspection of the Hotel da Aldeia.

So has manager Roberto been acting on Lisa's recommendations?

Regarding trip hazards. The corners of the glass table, I took it out

and put other tables. In some of the rooms the carpets

are not correct fit, so we took the carpets out the room.

The disgusting stained bedding has been replaced

and Roberto has invested in new mattress protectors.

The confusing fire escape maps have been redesigned

and now direct you to the nearest exit.

And Roberto's also followed Lisa's advice about the swimming pool.

Now, I just put one employee in charge.

We have a board with information about chlorine, pH and temperature,

that we change every single day.

But what about the lethal balcony rails?

There's been no change here,

but Roberto is planning a major refurbishment of the hotel -

with the balconies his first priority.

The safety of the guests is very important to us.

So what I did to avoid any situation,

I just put information on all the windows of the rooms

informing that please avoid contact

directly with the balconies' protection.

So this winter we are going to refurbish all the balconies.

At the present moment, with the refurbishment

of all the areas I'd like to do, I'm expecting to spend

roughly 2.5 million euros.

This is exactly what's needed.

If Roberto follows Lisa's advice,

the Aldeia will be a safer and cleaner place to stay.

# It's got to be-e-e-e-e

# Perfect... #

But what can you do if your hotel fails to live up to its promise?

ABTA's Sean Tipton has some advice.

If it turns out not to be up to scratch -

it might be not as described,

or maybe even worse, maybe it's dirty or unsafe...

Now, there are two ways you can book this kind of holiday,

firstly as part of a package,

and if you've done that, go and see the rep.

Let them know what the problem is

and they'll do their best to rectify it there and then,

even if it means moving you to another hotel.

However if you've made your own arrangements,

if you've booked independently, then it may well mean

your contract is with the place you're staying in.

If it's not up to scratch and they don't rectify it there and then,

it can be very difficult to sort the problem out.

Wherever in the world you choose to visit,

forward planning is the key to a stress-free holiday.

So to avoid nasty surprises,

make sure you check online hotel reviews before you book.

# Pe-e-e-e-e-erfect. #

For many of us, a holiday in exotic, historic Egypt

is the stuff of dreams - but not for everyone.

Earlier we met Linda.

Now, what happened to her in Egypt is the stuff of nightmares.

Linda's life was literally turned upside down.

The hot-air balloon that Linda was supposed to be enjoying

an excursion in crashed, injuring 16 passengers

and leaving Linda with more than 60 broken bones.

The experience has traumatised her so much

that she's now terrified to travel at all.

What happened to Linda physically was awful,

and she was so frightened by everything that happened in Luxor

she said she'd never return to this country,

which is heartbreaking,

because she's loved Egypt since she was a little girl.

I want so much to get Linda's confidence back,

so I've flown her and daughter Debbie back to Egypt -

but I'm worried that returning just three years after her accident

might be a step too far.

When you finally did get home,

how did you feel about holidays in general?

-I don't think it even crossed her mind.

-No.

It's sort of been the word that you don't mention in the house.

-You don't mention Egypt.

-When the prospect

of coming back to Egypt came up, how did you feel then?

I went into panic mode, I really did.

I was absolutely terrified about the flight,

I didn't know how I was going to feel about the people.

I was really so tense.

To try to give Linda the courage to travel again,

I'm pulling out all the stops.

I'm treating her to some five-star pampering in Sharm El Sheikh.

It's a well-organised resort geared up for Western tourists.

I'm hoping it's the perfect gentle reintroduction

to Egyptian culture for a very nervous Linda.

# Cos I-I-I-I-I

# Need ti-i-i-i-ime... #

-Enjoying that, Mum?

-You realise this is a first.

Sharm el Sheikh's chief attraction is its world-class marine life,

and I've found a way for Linda

to experience the Red Sea's spectacular underwater world safely

and without getting her feet wet.

That's pretty, isn't it?

'While they enjoy the view from a glass-bottom boat...'

OK, what could go wrong?

'..I'm going to test the water for them.'

You've done this before, haven't you?

'Even on the best planned diving expeditions, accidents do happen.

'Recently two divers, one British, went missing in these waters.

'So how can we make sure that, whatever we decide to do,

'our safety is top priority?'

'As ever, forward planning is the key.

'Even buying your activities before you leave

'can give you extra protection.'

If you're going to take an excursion whilst you're on holiday

which so many of us do...

If you book in the UK with a British tour operator

as part of an inclusive package, then package holidays are covered

by a law called the Package Travel Regulations.

What they state is that a tour operator is responsible

for all aspects of a package.

They will check the companies they use and make sure

that they are perfectly safe.

Inside the boat, Linda and daughter Debbie

can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A well-planned excursion can give you a lifetime of happy memories,

so remember - booking in the UK as part of your package

can give you extra protection. If you can't do that,

book through the local official tourist office.

And, importantly, trust your instincts.

If equipment looks tatty or the excursion seems disorganised,

walk away.

I did not imagine it to be like that.

It's a jewellery box of colours and textures and sights - unbelievable.

'But has Linda enjoyed the view as much as me?'

-Hello, how was it?

-Absolutely fantastic.

-Good time?

-Brilliant, yeah.

-Did you see much?

Oh, the fish were gorgeous.

Rainbow fish and starfish, unicorn fish, we saw.

And a lot of divers, which made us very jealous!

The coral reefs are absolutely tremendous in size,

absolutely brilliant.

I think that calls for a celebration.

And it looks as though Linda's enjoying herself.

So has her new Egyptian experience banished her bad memories?

Rewind a couple of years, would you have ever thought,

you would be back here in Egypt?

-No.

-Definitely not.

My lasting memory of Luxor was horror.

And I hated that because it just cut off a great part of my life.

This has bought it back again, this holiday.

Meeting the Egyptian people, being with them, you know,

talking to them - it's been absolutely fantastic.

So how do you feel now then about travelling?

-No problem.

-We're back.

-We're back.

-Well done!

-Well, thank you girls, it's been brilliant.

I'd call that a success.

Thank you, that was brilliant. Well done.

Sadly, the holiday memories haven't been so happy

for some of the revellers that I've encountered,

patrolling the streets of Magaluf with the two Franciscos.

The girl caught fighting was taken to the police station,

where luckily for her,

the club owner she attacked decided not to press charges.

The British lad who cut his foot partying had it stitched up

and faced an uncomfortable journey home.

And the young Scot who was dazed and confused got off lightly

with the mother of all hangovers. His friends collected him,

and he eventually did find his way home to Stirling.

That's it from the Holiday Hit Squad for this week.

On next week's programme...

I travel to Florida, home of Disney World,

and I find my hotel has its own resident mouse.

I find out just how damaging that healthy-looking tan can be.

And we hear from a family who were turned into human fireballs

on holiday in Turkey.

So until the next time, from all of us,

-goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd