Fatal Distraction

Now it's time for an Inside Out special, featuring teacher

Meg Williamson, who comes face to face with the driver responsible

My boyfriend was killed last June on the A34. One car was travelling

northbound. It was the southbound car that hit, smashed through the

central reservation and hit Gavin head-on on the other side of the

road. I was on the phone to my girlfriend at the time. I was scared

of losing her and they were emotional calls. Shouting calls,

emotional calls, raging calls, but shouldn't have been made that night.

I will live with that forever and ever. At 24, Lewis Stratford is

lucky to be alive. He never imagined his frantic calls to save his

relationship would end a life. Gavin was an Australian through and

through. He used to make me feel safe. We talked about holidays, we

talked about potentially going out to Australia together. The plan is

that we had were exciting. Something we were both really looking forward

to. Gavin and school teacher Meg met when he moved to Swindon. His work

as an electrical engineer involved long shifts on the railways. He was

working on the electric occasion of the railway and he would work nights

mostly. And then just before the accident it was his last night shift

and he was due to work days in the office, so he wouldn't be making any

will late-night journeys. He was on his way to work. And then he was

about six miles or so from work and just didn't make it.

I don't remember the incident. My only memory of any of it, which I

don't want to remember it, but I can't remember any of it. In

Swindon, Meg was woken by a call from a friend, telling her that

Gavin had been in an accident. I got the hospital just after 8am and he

was just completely connected with tubes and monitors and I just

remember sitting next to him, begging him, praying for him to wake

up. I'd give anything to swap places with him. Lewis was rushed to the

same hospital. Doctors told his family to prepare for the worst. I

read letters that were sent from the hospital to my GP that night and it

said that I would probably deteriorate through the night. The

doctor told my family that I had a 70% chance of dying that night. But

Gavin's family and Meg the news was even worse. The consultant came into

the room and told them that there was nothing they could do and I just

remember my legs completely giving in.

I remember my mum grabbing hold of me... And walking me through the

intensive care unit and it genuinely felt like a dream. It felt like I

was watching it happen to somebody else.

And as I stood up, I kissed him on his forehead and told him it was OK

to go. I told him not to be scared. And

that he could still look after me. Lewis wasn't told Gavin had died

until after he was discharged from hospital. He sat me down and just

talk me everything. I cried. We were all in tears. I didn't want to get

better. I was like... I didn't want the physio, the treatments. I didn't

care about my injuries. Lewis has already pleaded guilty to causing

Gavin's death by dangerous driving. Now Meg has asked to meet him. I

want to ask what possessed him to pick up his mobile phone behind the

wheel. I want to know how he's feeling now, how it might affect him

and to let him know how I'm feeling, Hal Gavin's family feeling, what

we've had to go through. When I had the message that she wanted to meet

me, I felt upset because I'm guilty and I feel like I'm a bad person,

like I'm hated everywhere and I thought she would hate me and I was

just... I felt, um, why would she want to stare at a murderer? Meeting

will clearly be tough for both of them. Do you know what the first

thing you will say to Lewis might be? We thought about that? And

hoping he is going to start the conversation. -- I'm hoping.

I'm really nervous. Scared. Shaky. I can't keep still at the minute.

Playing with my kind of elastic band to try to focus my mind a little

bit. Just how he's going to react when he first sees me. I suppose how

I'm going to react as well. I going to freak out, or be able to just sit

down and have a normal conversation with him. And also what questions

I'm going to ask him, because I don't want to miss anything out.

I think I'm thinking about how he's feeling. Not so much what he's done,

but how is he feeling seeing me so close and knowing that I'm going to

be asking him the questions? Yeah, I don't know, it is so difficult to

describe. I know I've caused a lot of pain for

a lot of people. It's something that will stay with

me. I know what I've done. The lives of ruined, yeah. I've ruined a lot

of people's lives, happiness. And I deserve everything I get from

whatever comes now. Hate, anger... I am sorry, but I can't keep saying

sorry, because I know you don't want to hear. So we won't -- sorry won't

make anything better, ever. What were you arguing with the

ex-girlfriend about? She was due to come up to me on the Friday night,

but she said no and then we was arguing all day Saturday. We were

going to leave it until the Sunday. I got in the Saturday night and I

just drove down, angrily. She was on the phone as the crash happened. She

said she heard scraping and brakes screeching. And obviously the impact

was quite loud, she said. She said it was quite loud. He was just

minding his own business that night. That's what I think about all the

time, what he must have seen. I don't know. Just who was going to

work. He was probably just going to work and it just makes me feel

horrible. Before the crash, Lewis worked as a

painter and decorator. Life revolved around family and friends. I'm just

a normal 24-year-old guy who just works, lives at home with his

parents, can't afford a place on his own yet. I'm nothing special.

I've lived here for nearly 20 years with my family, grown up around this

area. I used to play football on the fields over there with friends. This

is the way I walked to the foot all match. -- football. This is the

stadium, the way we walk in. It's usually obviously easier than it is

now. -- busier. My grandad likes to keep quiet, so we sit with him in

the South Stand and keep him happy. He brings the sweets. This is where

we go into our seats. You can go in any of them, really, but we tend to

use three and four. That leaves us out onto our seats, front row. It's

a good thing. -- seat. If someone gets convicted of a crime, or an

offence, you know you get to see what that person is like. -- you

never get to see. What background that got. Everyone assumes that

they're bad. I went to work five days with, came home, made dinner,

played dark in the week came to foot or on the weekend. Love the family,

love friends, I've obviously lost by job, lost my car, I've ruined lives.

You don't know what's around the corner. You don't know what's coming

tomorrow. Knowing how much Gavin met the others is comforting for Meg.

Today she is meeting his workmates. Gavin was definitely amazing. He was

really, really good at his work. He was one of the ones that, you know,

you can depend on. It is rare that you see a high level engineer with

such a good sense of humour, you know. He was a funny guy. One of the

best guys I have ever worked with. This is one of the engineering

trains that was named after Gavin in his honour and it is so special

because it is one of the only trains that have been named after somebody

in the last 100 years. It is so important for me to be able to

remember him by what he used to love and the job that he did and how much

of a difference it was making. I can't stop on the A34, I can't pull

over to one side and remember him and see where it all happened. I lay

flowers shortly after the accident with a police escort, right just to

be able to pass by this engineering train and smile is enough to meet a

kind of feel something and be happy that he is close by.

I just felt like I hadn't done it, I was like, and my capable of

something like that? I didn't think I was going to be... I couldn't

believe that I could have done it, but I had, and I have to accept it

and... Face it. What injuries did they tell you that he had? I don't

want to like Tomago on about it, 'cause... He had a stint fitted in

the aorta and some internal injuries, they had to put me in a

coma to keep me breathing because my levels were quite squashed. My

auntie told me that I took my oxygen mask off and I said to her, it was

my fault, it was my fault, and they didn't tell me what happened. But I

knew I was in trouble. Because the police were bringing my stuff from

my car and the bags and... Are you angry at me? A little bit. Yeah. But

then so many people do it, so many people. It was a stupid mistake. I

don't want to hate you for ever. I am not that type of person. And

eventually I will probably be able to forgive you. But I just needed

some questions answering first. To be honest, I expected to hate and

abuse. I don't know what you like. I don't know. I expect it from anyone

who sees me on the street -- you're. If they want to have a go, I will

listen and accept anything that people want to say. Like, I was

scared to meet you. So, you've got all your stuff together that you

need? IM going to go over it again. As a first-time offender, prison is

a daunting prospect for Lewis, so he and his stepmum have been looking at

what he needs to take with him. Steps. Comfortable shoes, cash. I

feel like I have been kept here to pay for this. Have you got all your

toiletries and everything? I feel like I have been kept here to pay

for the mistake I have made and punished, really. My dad, grandad in

the middle, FA Cup, and me with the Premier League. While Fatal

Distraction Paxman and toes of the family he will be leaving behind,

Gavin is never are from his thoughts -- mementos. I feel like I know him.

I feel like I met him. Tell me about those dreams. Just being in the car,

raining, it was just darkness in the car. His face, his picture, is just

there. Do you think that will ever leave you? No. What do you think the

public's perception of you is? Um, murderer, stupid idiot. I accept a

stupid idiot. I am not a murderer. That is what I am coming. I won't

accept. Because I didn't mean it. And I didn't mean to end his life. I

was so angry, so angry. And it was Gavin's mum, really, that showed the

compassion and said that we have to remember there are other people

involved. And at that point it was more of a realisation for me that

somebody's stupid mistake has caused something so traumatic for so many

people. After the accident, Meg took solace in writing down all other

thoughts from the time with Gavin. This was not our future. We had

plans, Paris, Brugge, northern lights, Australia, graduation. I

wrote to him every day. I filled a book with letters and notes just so

that he knew what I was up to, what I was doing, what I was thinking

about. You say you wrote to him, was that while he was here, or after he

had passed away? No, I wrote him once he had passed away. It was

easier for me to talk to him like that. Why is it so important to you

to have this box of memories? I guess because I'm scared I'm going

to forget him. You start to have days where life

feels normal and then you feel guilty because you're still here.

And I've been suffering really badly with my anxiety. Getting onto that

road is really difficult, but I have sisters that travel on it, friends

that travel on it every single day. So, it probably adds to my worry. I

think I am more conscious when I'm driving mostly of other drivers on

the road now, and if they are on their own, you know, I just think

that they don't realise. And a lot of people just don't care because

they don't think it is going to happen to them. No one thinks it

happens to them. And they shouldn't take something like this for them to

think, like Tom O, let's not be on the phone, people should know

before. -- like, let's not be on the phone. I learnt the hard way, but he

shouldn't have to be this way. So, what now going forwards, what

happens? Every time I look at my phone, I don't want to... I look at

this phone and I'm thinking, I don't want to answer it every time... And

if I could live without a phone, I would, I wouldn't use one again. I

will never drive again, ever. What would you say to somebody who is

going to pick up their phone behind the wheel today without even

thinking about it? Don't do it, 'cause picking up a phone, no matter

how nice or good you are, accidents like this can happen to anyone on

the road by using a phone. Something I've got to learn for, something

I've got to pay a price for, and I will learn from it. Thank you for

agreeing to meet me and answering my questions. I know it has been hard.

I just want you to know that I am sorry. Like, when people hear about

this, they assume automatically that I am some person that hasn't got on

with life and just people that has caused trouble day in and day out. I

know what I am like. I have been brought up. I have no bad

upbringing. I have no excuse for what has happened. I just want to

say sorry for everything and thanks for making me, yeah. -- meeting me.

At the end of a gruelling 50 minutes together, Meg get some fresh air,

leaving Lewis to reflect on the meeting. It is hard to get across to

her how sorry I am, because something so tragic has happened

like this, sorry is not enough. And I said that it was a cheap way

really just to keep saying sorry. There is no other way that I can

think of that would make it up to people. I think he was a lot softer

and a lot more open than I expected him to be. He was really forthcoming

with his answers. And quite happy to talk. He was very apologetic. I am

pleased I have done it. I am pleased I have had the opportunity to let

Lewis know how I have been impacted. But also to hear him say that it was

just a stupid mistake, you know, and that he is aware of what he has

done, he is upset in how it has affected him at his family, has

given me a little bit of closure, I think. I am happy that I have met

Meg. IM happy that she wanted to meet me. And I hope it provides

closure that will help them move on and help me get through this as

well, the next chapter of serving punishment, but more importantly,

hopefully she finds a way that it can help.

For most of us, Friday was a miserable day

but, for the favoured few, it was glorious.

If you don't believe me, look at the Weather Watchers picture.