Episode 1 The Real Hustle


Episode 1

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Transcript


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This is The Real Hustle: New Recruits.

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The hustlers are back and they've brought in two new faces to help them with their scams -

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new recruits Polly and Jazz.

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They'll join original hustlers Paul, Jess and Alex.

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Working together as a team,

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they'll carry out scams that are more cunning and devious than ever before.

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On tonight's show, the new hustlers have a smashing first con.

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Oh, my God, it's all smashed!

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Jess shows off her lung capacity.

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And actress Roxanne Pallett goes all bug-eyed.

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Oh, my God! I'm going to be sick!

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The hustlers have invited celebrity friends to help them with their scams.

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They'll be thrown in at the deep end - no training and no practice. Just straight in.

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Today's celebrity guest hustler is a stage and screen actress,

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best known for starring in Emmerdale, Roxanne Pallett.

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I've no idea what to expect.

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I'm just really anxious to get going now. It's the fear of the unknown, isn't it?

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I'm apprehensive cos I don't know what the task is.

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Once I know what I'm doing, I'll focus on that.

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But I think I can do this. I'm an actress. I better bloody be able to do this or there goes my craft!

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Roxanne has been told to stand outside a Tube station and wait for instructions.

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-Hi there. Are you Roxanne?

-Yeah.

-I'm Paul.

-Hiya.

-Nice to meet you.

-You too.

-Come this way.

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All right, so today, we're going to pull a mini-heist.

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We're going to steal some valuable merchandise. We do need a little help. We have you.

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But we also have a couple of new hustlers on the team.

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Paul doesn't mean Polly and Jazz. He's talking about these.

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Agh! Oh, my God.

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-Cockroaches.

-Oh, God!

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-Is that real?

-Yeah.

-Is it dead?

-I hope so.

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-Oh, my God!

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

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Roxanne will need to test her nerve in The Smoke.

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Alex and Jazz are the first up in this scam.

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It looks like they're dressed for some dirty work.

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They're not an everyday sight for The Mark.

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Hi.

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We're here to do a fumigation. Pest control.

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If there's a bug infestation, it's the first The Mark has heard of it.

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There's an outbreak in the area.

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Of various insects.

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They've got cockroaches...

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He texts his boss for clarification.

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-A lot of people have said they've had mouse droppings.

-Mouse droppings.

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-Sure, no worries.

-The boss hasn't booked any exterminators either.

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What's the address here? The number?

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Yeah, 127 is what we've got. The trouble is there's a 127C.

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Here comes someone who can sort out this confusion.

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It's Paul, posing as a supervisor from the council.

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-What are you doing?

-Just starting the fumigation.

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Excuse us. Sorry.

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Wrong address. How embarrassing!

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-It's up here.

-The infestation must be next door, not in the shop.

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Not yet anyway.

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Half an hour later, it's time for Roxanne's first big task in the scam.

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She enters the shop, accompanied by Jess, both posing as shoppers.

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-Hiya.

-Hello.

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I told you - Calvin Klein.

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Roxanne looks a little uncomfortable.

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No wonder because she's carrying something rather unpleasant in her coat pocket.

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It's a mobile phone. Earlier on, Jess removed the back and the battery

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and used the cavity to hide a small insect passenger - a dead cockroach.

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Hello.

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Over to you.

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Yeah. I'm just trying to work out which one I saw from the window.

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The bug is held in place only by Roxanne's gloved hand.

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Her job here is to plant it inside one of the display cabinets.

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-Are you allowed to get one out and show me?

-Yes.

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But she needs to pick her moment carefully.

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Hang on. Was it that one?

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Roxanne opens the display case.

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Yeah. They're not digital, are they?

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There goes the cockroach.

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It was like that, but a little bit different. What else have you got?

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Next, she needs to drop some more cockroaches from a plastic bag.

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-Are they those ones that...?

-Done.

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Now to make a scene.

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Oh, my God! I'm going to be sick!

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-What?

-Look on the floor. Look on the floor.

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-BLEEP

-Oh, my God, they're cockroaches! That's vile!

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If only there were some exterminators nearby.

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Jess has spotted some.

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-I'm going to go and tell them.

-Agh! There's one... There's one in there!

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There's actually one inside.

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I'm sorry, but that's disgusting.

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They just don't seem to care.

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I'm going to be sick. All right...

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Roxanne is putting her acting skills to good use.

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-Are you all right?

-I just need a bit of fresh air.

-I can't believe they just let those in there.

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-You definitely didn't call us in today?

-No.

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Council official Paul must now convince The Mark he's dealing with a full-blown infestation.

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You've got an air-conditioning unit here. This pipe is a travel way right there.

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The stuff's screwed into the wall, so I'm guessing you've got a cavity back here.

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I'll bring them in here and we'll just do a quick cleanse in here. It'll take about 15 minutes.

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Then we'll do upstairs. Does that sound fair enough?

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It's council. We'll take care of it.

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The idea of getting this problem dealt with here and now and for free seems too good to refuse.

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The Mark will be mad to turn down Paul's offer of an on-the-spot extermination.

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This is what we need to do. I'll get the guys to come in here first.

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We'll fit some plastic on top of these units.

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And then they'll basically smoke this room out.

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It'll take ten minutes for it to clear with the door open.

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You need to be outside.

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I'll be in here monitoring. Let me get them to come in here.

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Paul brings in the professionals.

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Look at this.

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-So what's the...

-We have three here, one here.

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I think there's one at the back, but I can't quite see it.

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Lucky you're not a food shop!

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Right, we'll get the gear.

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-It's a bug's life.

-It's a bug's life!

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People eat these!

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So The Mark's going to get the place fumigated,

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but he's about to have a much bigger problem than a few dead bugs.

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When hustlers go out, they don't bring money, they bring prop bets -

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challenges designed to win or lose a drink.

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But a proposition bet only has one rule and that's that the hustler always wins.

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-I'm quite competitive.

-Excellent. OK, I've got a challenge for you.

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Obviously, I'm using a balloon in my favourite colour - pink. I'll blow the balloon up.

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OK, it's a normal balloon.

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I'll tie it in a little knot.

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OK, now, we're going to take it in turns.

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I want you to balance this balloon on your head,

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whatever angle you think.

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Walk around the table with it balanced on your head, without holding on to it.

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You can't rub it and get static and make it stick down.

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However many times each of you can do it, I'm going to add that up and I bet I can do more than that.

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I bet I can walk around more than all three of you put together.

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-If I do that, you owe me a drink. So if I do it three times, three drinks. You get the idea?

-Yeah.

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Sounds simple enough. To avoid buying Jess a drink, they have to balance the balloon on their heads

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and walk as far round the table as possible.

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Jess is giving them a big advantage by offering to beat their combined total distance.

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-So who wants to go first?

-Ladies first.

-There you go.

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Straight on there.

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There you go... Oh! So you got, what, an eighth round the table?

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-Who wants to go next?

-You can go.

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You've got really short, spiky hair.

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Let's check you've not got anything sticky on there. I just wanted to have a feel. Sorry.

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That was actually less. I'll give you an eighth.

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-Your go. It might actually stick on your head.

-It might. We'll see what happens.

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OK...

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And...

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That was all right. You got probably more than everyone, but it did fall off more or less straight away.

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Their combined total was...rubbish.

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If we add that up, you got about halfway round, didn't you?

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If I can walk around once, I get two drinks, twice, four drinks and so on and so forth.

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I'll balance this balloon on my head, but...

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I didn't say you couldn't do this.

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I'm going to pop it first.

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-So this is the same balloon. You agree, yeah?

-Yeah.

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I've popped it on my head. I'm not touching it, am I? So round I go...

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I think you get the idea, don't you?

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That's two drinks. I'll go round another time, so we've got four, then we've all got a drink.

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Another prop bet, another round of free drinks.

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It's a sunny day in a bustling city centre,

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the perfect place for new recruit Polly to hone her hustling skills

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in The Box Drop.

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It looks like Polly is moving in

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and she's looking for someone to help her get those removal boxes off the pavement and into her apartment.

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On a busy day like this, she doesn't have to wait long.

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Right behind Mark Number 1 is another new hustler - Jazz.

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Together, they plan to get The Mark to pick up one of these boxes and then drop it.

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The Mark can help you, but they must pick up the box in a particular way.

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At the sides. It'll only be taped with a bit of tape on the side,

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-so as soon as they pick it up, after five seconds, it'll fall.

-I like it.

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We've got a laptop worth a couple of hundred quid.

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-Yeah.

-We also have one that's broken.

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Excuse me, guys. Could you do me a favour?

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-Yeah.

-I'm just moving into the flat. Could you help as well?

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For the scam to work, The Mark must pick up a box from the side nearest the door.

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That way, he won't see that the middle box is only held together by a tiny slither of packing tape.

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But The Mark instinctively goes to the wrong side, and spotting the opening,

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picks the box up from the bottom.

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The Mark goes about his business, leaving the new hustlers empty-handed.

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-No worries.

-Thanks very much.

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Will the hustlers' luck change with Mark Number 2?

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Could you do me a massive favour? I've just moved in up there. I need to get these boxes to the lift.

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-Could you help me as well? I don't want to wait here, come back and they're stolen.

-What do you want?

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-I've just moved in. I just need to take them to the lift.

-Of course.

-Could you take one each? Thank you.

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-You've got a bag.

-So far, so good.

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-And finally...

-CRASH

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-Oh, my

-BLEEP

-God!

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-Oh...

-Oh, Jesus.

-Oh, my God.

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-Oh...

-Do you have, um...

-Wrecked. I don't care about my plates, but my laptop.

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Do you have insurance for it?

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-Yeah, but the excess is like 200 quid. I can't afford that.

-Horrible.

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-What am I going to do? I start my new job next week.

-What do you do?

-I'm a PA.

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Polly rolls out the sob story. And Jazz is there to play the gentleman.

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I've got 20 quid if that helps at all. I feel partly responsible.

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-Here's my card. Let me know what happens.

-The mark gives Polly a card, but no cash.

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-What about you guys?

-I don't have any cash on me.

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-Jazz gives him another chance to pay up.

-I'll leave you my phone and I'll go get you another 40 quid.

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Get yourself sorted out and drop me an email.

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-No good. The mark is willing to help, but it sounds like he's broke.

-Have you got any cash at all?

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No.

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Oh, God. It's just getting worse.

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Another mark slips through their fingers like a dodgily-packed box.

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Polly and Jazz give it one more go with Mark number 3.

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Excuse me, guys. Could you do me a massive favour? I'm moving in.

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I need to get these boxes just to the lift. I don't want to do it and find the rest are stolen.

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-Could you give me a hand?

-Just to the door?

-Yeah.

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-I don't want to come back and they're gone.

-This guy's world is about to come crashing down.

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You've just broken my plates. Oh, and my lap...

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Oh, my...

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-Oh, my God.

-What happened there?

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-Oh, my God. It's all smashed.

-Jesus.

-Did you not hold the bottom? What am I going to do?

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The mark already feels guilty so Polly turns up the pressure.

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I've just started a new job and I need that next week.

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I'm not worried about the plates but look at... Oh!

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Oh, my God. Absolutely destroyed.

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-Have you got...

-I can't believe this.

-..insurance for it?

-Yeah.

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But I have to pay an excess of £200. I can't afford that. This is awful.

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Polly leaves Jazz alone to have a man-to-man chat with the mark.

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Do you want to put some money in together?

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I don't know. 50 quid each towards her excess if it's 200?

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I just feel partly responsible.

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-I know what it's like...

-I'm shaking.

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-We're both going to put some money in to help towards your excess.

-That's news to him.

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-Shall I put this in?

-I'll sweep that up. I'm not worried about my plates. It's just my laptop.

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This guy's still not flashing the cash.

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I'll get some money and give you 40. He's going to give you 50.

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That at least puts something towards getting it repaired.

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-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-And there's the wallet.

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The mark feels so guilty, he hands over £50 to a complete stranger.

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Jazz keeps up his end of the bargain, too,

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though he knows he'll be getting his money back.

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The mark heads off, thinking he's done a good deed.

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-In fact, he's just been done.

-All right, mate. See you later.

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I dropped a box that had a laptop in it and broke it.

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The guy carrying one of the boxes offered to give her some money. She'd brought up money.

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He offered to give her some, then he asked me as well.

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I felt I may as well chip in and help her out a bit. I've been took for a ride.

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This is quite a devious little scam. Even novice hustlers can fool you.

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Do someone a favour, then you're reaching for your wallet.

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Hustlers have always exploited people's good nature to make them feel responsible for damaged goods.

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This was a good Samaritan, trying to help.

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An accident happens. He's got no liability whatsoever.

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Never part with money under these circumstances. It's a rip off.

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Earlier today, actress Roxanne Pallett planted dead cockroaches in this watch store,

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-persuading the mark that he may be dealing with a bug infestation.

-Oh, my God! That's disgusting.

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As luck would have it, council boss Paul had an extermination team in the neighbourhood.

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He offered the mark a free on-the-spot extermination.

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We'll do a quick cleanse in here. 15 minutes.

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An offer too good to be true as he's about to find out in...

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The Smoke, Part Two.

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The hustlers prepare the shop for fumigation.

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But here comes a new junior exterminator. It's Roxanne.

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The mark has already seen her as a shopper. If he recognises her now, it's game over.

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Her mask is slipping a bit. Make sure it's tight.

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First day.

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There's going to be an awful lot of toxic smoke

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-so Paul has brought a special camera.

-Heat-sensing camera. We see anything that's moving.

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Alex starts the fumigation process.

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Due to the toxic nature of the fumes, the mark must wait outside.

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It's getting awfully smoky in there.

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In fact, the mark can't see a thing through the large display windows

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and that's exactly the point.

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There is no cockroach infestation. And this isn't toxic gas.

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In fact, Alex has just been using a portable disco smoke machine.

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The whole set-up has been designed so the hustlers can ransack the shop

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while the mark waits patiently outside. Paul's infrared camera captures the action.

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Roxanne is certainly getting into the spirit.

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The mark is blissfully unaware that a few feet away thousands of pounds worth of watches are going.

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In fact, the scam is going a little too well.

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The bulging sacks are loaded into the box with the smoke machine.

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Alex will have to make a trip to the van to make space for more.

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They mustn't let too much smoke out or the mark will see what's going on.

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But then disaster. The box is too heavy and the lid comes off in Alex's hand,

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right in front of the mark.

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Before he has a chance to see what's inside, Alex replaces the lid

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and carts the booty off into the van.

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Now there's space for a refill.

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Time for one more trip into the shop before the smoke thins out.

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By now the hustlers have taken tens of thousands of pounds' worth of watches.

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Now to get out of here. Alex and Jazz are first.

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Once again, the mark doesn't notice how heavy that box has become.

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That's us.

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Time for Roxanne's getaway.

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She needs to fake a coughing fit.

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This is a very high-risk moment. The mask is off and the mark could easily recognise her face.

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Can you wait here for 5 minutes? That's it. Come on.

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Come on, you're OK. OK, come on.

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Paul rushes her off for medical help.

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Before the mark knows what's happened, the hustlers are gone - along with hundreds of watches.

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Meanwhile, the mark is still waiting outside for the smoke to clear.

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He still thinks it's toxic.

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10 minutes later, he decides to risk the smoke.

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Instinctively, he heads straight to the till to check the float is still there. It is.

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Because the hustlers weren't there for the loose change.

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And then the reality hits him.

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The cabinets are open and the shelves are empty.

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He now realises that the store has been robbed.

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He breaks the bad news to his boss.

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A lot of stuff really is missing.

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Three shelves have been ransacked is the best way to put it.

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A few minutes later, the shop owner turns up to find out what's happened.

0:26:160:26:22

They're both speechless.

0:26:220:26:25

-I literally stood outside.

-You were outside? I thought they were just going to spray the floors.

0:26:330:26:39

They said they needed masks and everything else.

0:26:420:26:46

I'm shocked to the point where I don't know what to feel.

0:26:480:26:52

Just complete befuddlement.

0:26:520:26:54

I mean, I've never actually been in the presence of a proper robbery.

0:26:550:27:01

This is completely shocking to me. It comes to about £20,000 in losses.

0:27:010:27:07

When the room started filling with smoke, my heart rate increased!

0:27:080:27:13

I was thinking, "I can't see, I'm trying to get all these watches in a bag"

0:27:130:27:19

and I couldn't see where the other guys were. I was terrified. Talk about living on the edge.

0:27:190:27:25

I can't believe people do these.

0:27:250:27:28

Nobody likes the thought of a cockroach infestation, so that offer seemed too good to refuse.

0:27:310:27:39

Having Paul there as a council official makes the whole scenario plausible and above board.

0:27:390:27:44

Never leave a stranger alone with your valuables at home or work.

0:27:440:27:48

If someone claims they're from the council, check - call the council.

0:27:480:27:53

A conman will be long gone before you even pick up the phone.

0:27:530:27:58

If you want to know more about how the show is made, go to:

0:28:040:28:10

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011

0:28:200:28:24

Email [email protected]

0:28:250:28:27

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