Marty Goes to Hollywood

This is kind of where it started.

I was actually sitting here, Marty was sitting there

and he was just back from filming in Berlin -

playing a part in Cloud Atlas with a lot of big stars. He was buzzing.

He was totally buzzing.

He was just back and it had been a great job

working with great actors and all that,

and he had lots of great stories - so I just naturally said to him,

"You've got to go to the premiere, that would be great.

"You've got to get out to LA and go to the premiere.

He was like, "No way, man. I can't afford it.

"There's no way I can afford to go to the premiere."

I went to the toilet and phoned you.

-You phoned me.

-I phoned you.

You said to me, "Marty has just come back from making Cloud Atlas

"playing Tom Hanks' Irish brother.

"He wants to go to the premiere, but he can't afford it.

"Let's make a film where we never accept no for an answer."

We had written a song on the banjo and the guitar.

This was the beginning of our journey.

Tonight, downstairs, in the State Bar.

Marty Goes To Hollywood shall be, indeed, launched.

The show will resume in two minutes,

we are going to resume in two minutes.

Do you really want me to go up there and say why we are doing this?

Put your hands together for Martyn and Ian.

APPLAUSE

# There was a young man from Castlemilk

# Called Martin Docherty... #

That's him.

# He was born roundabout January 1973

# Well, he played a lot of football

# But he wasn't as good as you or me... #

Actually, he was quite good.

# But when he started acting, he was better than anyone from Glee. #

LAUGHTER

I am Martin Docherty.

I am 38 years of age.

I have been a professional actor now for 15 years.

I was born and bred right here

in sunny Castlemilk.

The last six years, I done quite a lot of TV.

I've been in most of the TV programmes in Scotland

like Still Game, Rab C Nesbitt,

River City, Gary Tank Commander,

Dear Green Place -

so I think I would possibly be a little bit recognisable

for people, for being on BBC.

# His first role was in Oliver

# The Artful Dodger, he did play

# Which was the first of many character roles to come his way... #

I mean, what would you cast him as?

Guess what he's played.

# He's played junkies, drugs, drugs and junkies

# And a junkie too... #

LAUGHTER

Keep your shitty bike, prick.

# He even got a recall

# For an advert about Irn-Bru

# Won't you get Marty to Hollywood?

# That would put the wee guy in an awfy good mood

# If you've got some money, spread your wealth

# Cos wee Marty from Castlemilk

# He hasn't got money himself. #

LAUGHTER

Wahey!

Wahey!

PAPARAZZI CLAMOUR

HE SCREAMS

HE SIGHS

Well, my low points are when you're just not getting any work

and you have to do so many other things to get your money on

and keep you going.

The more you spend at doing those things,

the less you start to believe you're an actor,

because you start to believe that you do this job.

It is a pretty hard and lonely game.

Sometimes you can be sitting in the house,

you've not worked for a year,

the auditions aren't very big or very good

and you're not doing very well at them either, that's the other thing.

When you're not doing very well,

you tend not to do well at your auditions because your charisma,

your personality, your confidence just isn't there.

You've got to get up and do something,

you've got to read a play or go to the theatre, turn on Radio Four

and listen to something,

sight-read the newspaper.

I also sing in a restaurant at weekends.

Friday, Saturday nights - I sing in a tiny, little restaurant.

It holds about 40 people.

With a wee laptop and a hard drive, and a small PA,

no microphone or anything.

# Sing us a song, you're the piano man

# Sing us a song tonight... #

Hi, maw.

BUZZER

Lovely to see you.

-Are you all right?

-I'm fine.

From a toddler,

he was just up to everything.

Constantly singing, constantly make-believing.

He even had a friend...

that was actually an invisible friend.

There's a few things about Marty's acting style.

For one, he's very authentic.

He's very sharp.

So we've set up all the gear and the DJ's sweating

because he can't find Wonderful Tonight -

because that's the first song.

My brother had that at his first two weddings.

Marty's got a lot of presence on camera.

I have seen him on stage.

I have seen him doing Greek tragedy,

I've seen him doing pantomime,

I've seen them doing comedy stuff on stage -

but on camera, not everybody has got that, but Marty has.

I think he is one of these people who is a born actor.

Last year, I made a huge leap

and I had a casting for a feature film, made by Warner Brothers.

I was up to play Tom Hanks' Irish brother.

Which, I didn't think I had any idea of getting.

The people in reading before me and after me

were nothing like me at all.

They were older, bigger - a lot bigger -

and I just thought it was one of those auditions you go for

and you'll never, ever hear again.

I got recalled for it to London,

to a posh hotel in Covent Garden,

and it was only five of us left for three parts.

Somehow, the gods shined on me a wee bit and I managed to pull it off.

Consequently, I had a scene with Jim Broadbent

and another scene with Hugo Weaving.

If you told me that, even two years ago,

I would have said you were crazy.

Opportunities like this maybe don't come along...

..at all, never mind very often.

I think the chance to go to a premiere of this movie

would be something I would really have to try and take.

I'm sure we'll be invited.

General, we better go down and see Warner Brothers about this premiere.

Good idea, Bussy.

Hello, hello. Can I speak to somebody dead important?

Somebody connected with that big film, Cloud Atlas?

LOONEY TUNES THEME PLAYS

So we are kind of making an observational,

life-of-an-actor type story.

In style, I would say it is like Anvil meets...

Shut it, Bussy.

Look, big man, can we film at your premiere?

Hmm.

That sounds like a lovely idea.

I'll do everything I can to help.

It's a week since the comedy club, roughly,

the clip's now online and Marty's Facebook site has been started.

We have created an Indiegogo site.

Fundraising campaign website is live.

We have an Indiegogo.

I'm just trying to find the number for Alex Salmond's office...

..in Edinburgh.

Right, OK, I'll go back to them.

All right, thank you.

He's a hard man to find, big Eck.

So, here we are, outside the world-famous Daily Record -

Scotland's national newspaper, some would argue.

What were they like?

I mean, obviously that's a great experience in itself.

All get behind Marty, because it's going to work

and, when he makes it, he better remember who his friends are.

This is going to 653,000 people.

Here we are on a...

beautiful Glasgow Wednesday morning.

Outside the City Chambers, about to meet the Lady Provost,

which is very exciting.

Now we've got the Sunday Mail involved

and we're getting other people involved.

What happens if I'm not in this thing?

And the next day you're like that, "You're in the trailer."

We're just going into an ISDN link to Radio Clyde.

I thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity

for Martin to get to Hollywood and that was why,

when he'd asked me and approached me,

I thought it was right that I would help support him.

HE EXHALES

Nae word from Rob on those tickets yet, Bussy?

Naw.

Hello?

Hello, Rob, it's Bussy.

Any word in the premiere tickets yet, big man?

Hi, Bussy.

The request has gone through but no feedback yet.

I'll keep you posted.

Another like, but still nae dosh.

Our campaign was getting lots of attention, but very little money.

We went to Real Radio as a last gasp attempt

to get Marty to the red carpet.

HE LIP-SYNCS

Good morning to you, Scotland.

If you've just joined us,

Scottish actor Marty Docherty

is in the studio with us this morning.

So, you're desperate to get to Hollywood

to walk the red carpet with your co-stars

-in the big blockbuster Cloud Atlas.

-Absolutely.

So, you need £2,000 and... What else do you need?

You've not got anything to wear, is that right?

-Well, aye, we could do with a kilt.

-LAUGHTER

-So, you've not got any kilts...

-No.

-..and you need £2,000.

This is beginning to sound like a bit of a scam, boys.

LAUGHTER

Marty, tell me,

how will you be representing Scotland if you get to Hollywood?

What do you mean?

Will you be partying till 6am?

-Oh, no. I'll be on my best behaviour.

-No, we want you to.

Oh, right, OK.

Well, whatever you want me to do for the £2,000, I will do it.

Cameron Ross Kilt Hire has just given us a little call,

you might not be going to Hollywood, but four kilts are!

CHEERING

# Marty got a break

# And a film with big Tom Hanks

# They asked him to play Tam's brother and Marty said, "Aye, thanks"

# There's Susan Sarandon, Halle Berry and Jim Broadbent too

# On the set, Marty offered Halle

# A vodka and Irn-Bru

# Won't you get Marty to Hollywood?

# That will put the wee guy in a awfy good mood

# If you've got some money, spread the wealth

# Because wee Marty from Castlemilk

# He hasn't got money himself. #

So, we found ourselves driving to a building site in Helensburgh

to meet a complete stranger, called Joel Lafferty,

who had been listening to the radio show.

Nice to meet you. How's it going, all right?

-Did you own this space, Joe, or did you...?

-Aye.

Obviously, the front half's going to be the coffee shop.

-Will we go next door and get a wee drink, guys?

-That would be great.

I've just been a jobbing actor, really.

Then, last year, I got an audition in Glasgow

-to be Tom Hanks' Irish brother.

-Right.

A heavy Irish brother.

The whole thing was just enormous.

All of a sudden, you're meeting

all these incredible people.

As Ian said to me,

if you cannae go when you're playing Tom Hanks' brother,

when are you going to be able to go?

I have been quarantined to a storeroom

away from the other passengers and crew.

-IRISH ACCENT:

-Where's our money?

-LAUGHTER

Right, you have won my support. Who gets the cheque?

How amazing. Thank you very, very, very much.

You are welcome, mate. Good luck to you.

I can't thank you enough as well.

-Thanks very much.

-Right, pal.

Appreciate it. Superb.

How good was that?!

-What a brilliant guy.

-A quality guy.

This is amazing.

It sealed the deal.

So, hopefully, I'll go to the premiere

and try and mingle with some of the folk,

maybe make some connections.

It would be crazy to think that being in one movie,

and a small part in one movie,

would then an open up an enormous amount of doors for you

for Hollywood casting...

but it's a funny game, acting, you just never know.

Shall we just go for the full outfit, like that?

-That's you, Marty.

-Yeah, we'll go for that.

I think we'll all look very good, mate. Very smart indeed.

I didn't recognise you there.

Jesus, how are you?

Fantastic. It's all happening, eh?

The gas man.

If he goes on to bigger and better things, more parts in movies,

if he ends up he's living in Hollywood,

he's living the dream

and we can then say, "I know Martin."

You have done well, boys.

Hollywood is renowned for plastic people.

Big tits, false hair, all of that stuff - and Marty is none of that.

I think he would be a breath of fresh air going there.

And maybe somebody, because it happens with actors,

they pick him up.

Not literally pick him up, because he's quite small.

It would be easy to do that.

I mean give him an actual part.

He gets what he deserves - good parts because he's a good actor.

There's a lot of actors who are not so great out there.

It's good to see an actor doing well

and hopefully he'll get what he wants.

What about me?

I've worked with Anne Hathaway, Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy

and Noel Edmonds and not one fucking person has thought,

"What about Cammy goes to Hollywood?

"Cammy goes to fucking Hollywood?"

Nobody has fucking done anything for me.

I've come up the hard way as well.

I have had to be on benefits, fucking wife left me and all that.

Get to fuck.

You've got to be careful in Hollywood.

It's a conveyor belt, you can get used up

and...you're out the other side.

Then, where are you?

Seven days later, you're back here, back in Castlemilk.

Was it all a dream?

Did it really happen?

ALL: Bye!

I have clarification and it is not good news.

The producers have said that they are unable

to accommodate Marty at the US premiere.

All the best, Rob.

BUSSY CHUCKLES

Hollywood, here we come.

I saw your story on STV this morning

and you're in the Metro,

the Sun, the Record...

Have you secured the tickets through other means?

'We hope you haven't missed any important e-mails

'whilst flying with us. We will now begin our descent.

'Welcome to Hollywood!'

America.

Outside that window is America.

I've never been to America. I'm an American virgin.

The wee man wants a fag.

The wee man's desperate for a fag.

He's ganting for a fag, Bussy.

-This one?

-Yeah, it's a little dirty, though.

Listen, we're quite dirty.

-What do you think, Marty?

-It's the Batmobile, isn't it, Bussy?

I'll be right back.

This is mental. Isn't it?

We couldn't afford to stay in LA

so we headed to a friend's house in San Diego.

Spirits were high as we weren't to receive the e-mail from Rob

until the next morning.

We need to start our pressure on Warner Brothers on this side today,

cos I don't think Rob is going to do anything about it.

He might, but it's certainly not something we can rely on.

The last e-mail suggests to me that...

I think he's going to give it up now.

I don't think he's going to give it up, I think he just hopes that

we go out here and nothing happens.

-There is a possibility he'll just ignore our e-mails anyway.

-Yep.

So...

We need to put some pressure on them, starting today.

Aye, we need... Aye.

What a big car.

It is a fucking massive car.

Guys, I had an amazing dream last night.

I dreamt that I woke up and we were in LA,

and we had a big, massive car.

-Oh, hang on.

-Bussy, it's the truth.

-Oh, wow.

Please bear with me while I adjust to the other side of the road.

Day one.

We've fucked the car.

They shouldn't have given us such an expensive car.

You never have total big smashes - like, exciting smashes.

-You always have wee bangs.

-Shit fucking kerb dunce.

Marty had a daylong session at the Acting Centre on Hollywood Boulevard.

We were late because we crashed the car

and Marty had to partner with Bussy

for the warm up and the first exercise.

One of the first drills you're going to do

is actually going out and talking to people.

Talking to real people and getting insight into who they are.

It's Hollywood so you're going to meet some great people.

For the first exercise,

Marty and Bussy were sent out on

the streets of LA to talk to people.

-Are you from Los Angeles?

-Of course. Hollywood, man.

They then had to capture the essence of the person

and perform it back to each other.

BUSSY: Do you like LA? Love it. Do you?

What's so good about it?

Well, the weather and the palm trees.

One of the philosophies of the Acting Centre

was that you couldn't be critical

so, at the end of any performance,

you had to tell your partner that they were good.

HE GRUNTS

Come on! More! More!

There are occasional lucky people

who meet one guy at a coffee shop

and suddenly their whole career is made, but that's very rare.

Usually, you've got to find a good acting class, such as...

I love this place.

You have to make sure that you get great head shots

and then you have to know and be willing to...

meet people.

-I don't know what to do.

-Maybe you should phone someone.

I have! I've been calling my sister!

Listen to what I'm telling you, please.

I'm sorry.

All right, cut.

APPLAUSE

You know, just deciding that you're going to help your mate out.

Putting that idea forward to get him here -

that alone - because it's such a very wonderful idea

and such a helpful, fun thing to do for a friend -

creates opportunities.

We just wanted to say thank you.

It's been really lovely having us.

We got a message from Craig Young, who runs Brits In LA,

giving Marty and introduction to Louisa Spring -

who runs Spring Management Agency.

Hello, Louisa?

Hi, my name's Martin. Martin Docherty.

I got your number from Craig, who runs Brits In LA.

Oh, sorry, is that not good at all? I do apologise.

Oh, sorry, I do apologise about that.

Yes.

Yes.

Will I call you tomorrow?

Any time from the afternoon onwards, Louisa, would be great

but any time that would suit you also.

Thank you very much, Louisa. Sorry for calling you so late.

OK, bye.

Wasn't a good start.

We were invited to a party in West Hollywood at the Palais Hotel.

The party was full of leading people from the film industry,

so we weren't allowed to film inside.

By complete chance,

Louisa Spring was there.

-So, you're Marty Docherty.

-Yeah.

Nice to meet you, I'm Louisa Spring.

-Hello.

-So, why the fuck did you call me at 7pm on a Sunday night?

-Eh...

-That really pissed me off.

But I have you say,

you've got great cheekbones.

She came over later on and said,

"Does anyone have a fag?"

I said, "I've got a fag."

Obviously, "I've got a fag, Louisa. I've got a fag."

She went, "Let's go for a fag then."

Then she said, "You know, I'm a manager to some of the top stars.

She went, "So I'd really like to manage you."

-Marry you?

-"Manage you!"

"I'd really like to manage you."

I thought you got a marriage proposal...

That would have been nice.

I would have married her if it meant she took me on.

But I think her husband might have something to say about that.

She sat me down and she said, "I'd love to.

"I know I have all these big stars and therefore...

"for some reason," she said,

"I would love to manage you because of that."

Wednesday night, you'll be walking down the red carpet

going to the premiere.

Well, if I'm not then...

..it would be incredibly disappointing,

incredibly disappointing if I don't walk down the red carpet.

Today is the day...

..we take on the might of Warner Brothers.

Indeed.

All right, pal.

The travelling's killing us, so we're going to move

into LA a night earlier.

Just so that we can chill a wee bit,

because if we don't get back till 4am, then we get three hours kip

and we're away.

Things are also starting to happen now, for Marty,

in terms of the people he's meeting,

so we really need to be in the centre of LA,

so he can jump out and have a meeting

and speak to the kind of folk that he's starting to get in front of.

Our new base in LA was called the Banana Bungalow,

a luxury hotel, six foot wide, by six foot long -

with bunk beds and no locks on the doors.

The premiere was now two days away.

We decided to let Rob know about some of Marty's messages of support.

Rob, we're having a great time here in LA,

but we still have not got any tickets for the premiere.

Marty is making some friends in high places though.

Alex Salmond here, the First Minister of Scotland.

I'm delighted to send a message of support from Holyrood

for Martin Docherty's quest to reach the red carpet.

My grandfather was Jack Warner.

Jack Warner founded Warner Brothers.

I have to say that the determination and initiative

shown by Marty and his friends

is every bit as impressive

as that of Merida in Brave.

My grandfather founded the studio with this motto,

"Never give up on one's dreams, no matter what the odds."

OK, we have got potentially two ways into Tom Hanks.

One through Christine

and one through Marty turning up on the doorstep.

Then we've got Bussy and Martyn

on the phone to Warner Brothers

and that could result in Tom Hanks,

and it could result in the premiere.

And here we have the thing that I think will get us there,

and it's going to be something completely fucking random.

How do you think I look, Chris? All right?

-Very suave.

-Thank you, sir.

You look like James Bond.

A wee, mini, Castlemilk James Bond?

-Definitely.

-James Bond.

Jimmy Bond, know what I mean?

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Thank you for taking the time to see me.

-Sure.

Now, as far as... Are you going to come back to America?

-Like, you'll come back to Los Angeles?

-We would love to.

I'm meeting a manager later on today,

so I'm on a slightly tight schedule.

I'm meeting her and I think it will depend on that.

-Who are you meeting?

-Louisa Spring.

Good. She represents quite a...

Yeah, she has got a really... A lot of great clients.

-Take a look at this.

-OK.

-Go outside and work on it for five minutes.

-Whatever you feel like till you're ready.

-"The Western Director."

You don't have to do American.

Just have fun with it. It's a comedy thing we did a while back.

We genuinely don't have any tickets to the premiere at the moment

-and that is...

-A big problem.

-..not great.

All right, when I say action,

I want you, blondie,

to climb to that second storey,

but Lex is going to try and stop you.

You pick up a chair, you crack it over his back,

then use the broken chair leg to impale Rich.

-That sounds violent.

-Damn skippy it is.

Now, as you start to climb, Billy is going to grab you by the ankle

and fling you onto that horse trough over there.

-And the inside of it is made of some special, soft...

-Wood.

I think it's pine. Now, that's a soft wood.

Meanwhile, YOU, come out those doors, all guns a-blazing.

Obviously, you know, he can play the annoying guy -

that is what he seemed like in that.

Maybe the nerdy guy or...

Then I had the thought that

maybe he would be, like, in...

like Billy Elliot.

That kind of...

One of those workers.

The blue-collar worker guys.

So, let's make some calls and get on the social networks again

and try and push these contacts.

Yeah, and I think tomorrow,

the Brits In LA thing...

It's our objective to go there and find anybody that knows anybody at

-Warner Brothers and talk to every single person in there.

-Yeah.

This is the Fred Segal Cafe

on Melrose Avenue

where I'm meeting a manager called Louisa Spring,

who seems quite a big manager -

in the sense, she's got some really big names on her books.

It's quite an important meeting

so, for that reason,

we're not going to be able to film because I think it might...

It might not do anything for us and I don't want to hinder ourselves

or harm ourselves in any way.

Chris is going to wait here, I'm going to go in for the meeting

and when I come back out, I'll let you know how it goes.

-All right, pal?

-Good luck, Marty.

-No bother. Cheers, mate.

It was good and bad, mate. Good and bad.

Turned up, met her and said, "It's a bit warm, isn't it?"

She said, "Well, you're wearing a three-piece suit,

"what do you expect?"

She went, "However, I am impressed that you wore a suit."

Then she said...

I told the story about Warner Brothers...

and the premiere

and she said it was breaking her heart,

so she asked the assistant, Tommy,

to put a call into Warner Brothers to try and see

if the contact they've got, if they can help.

Then she asked my age, I said "38,"

she said, "I think you look 45."

She thinks my showreel is pretty bad. Certainly the first scene.

The headshot has to be colour.

Then she asked me if I had a green card, I said no.

She asked me if I had an O-1, I said no.

She said, "I don't really know why you're meeting me

"because there is nothing I can do. You can't work."

I said, "Well, we came over trying to get the premiere

"and if we could make contacts in that time, we could.

"Now I have made this contact with you,

"this is where we're at, at the moment." She went, "Right, OK."

She went, "The thing is,

"I think you've got a great look."

So, if I get in touch with her,

get the showreel done well

and she thinks that's good enough,

then I think she probably would take on and help me.

We still had no tickets.

It was time to take the campaign to the streets.

# Won't you get Marty to Hollywood?

# That will put the wee guy in an awfy good mood

# If you've got some money, spread the wealth

# Cos wee Marty from Castlemilk

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk

-# Wee Marty from Castlemilk... #

-Let's hear you, Hollywood!

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk

# Wee Marty from Castlemilk...

# He hasn't got money himself. #

YEAH!

Well done.

It is all fate.

This is fate here.

Marty's going to be a big star.

This kid is going to be in the picture, let me tell you, he is.

My long lost son.

# One love

# One love

# One love

# You've got to do what you should

# One love

# With each other

# Sisters... #

It's not failure, I actually thought it was failure when I seen it.

It said, "Hi, Ian, there is no change."

I thought it said, "There is no chance," when I looked at it.

"We've still not got any time, there is no change,

"there is no availability through my Warner Brothers channels

"as the producers have declined your request."

So, obviously... I don't know.

"We are glad you're enjoying LA, though,

"and good luck with your endeavours.

"Do let me know if you want to take up the Berlin opportunity.

"The Berlin premiere is scheduled for the 5th of November.

"All the best, Rob."

I don't understand why I can go to Berlin but I can't come here.

-I don't either.

-What's the difference?

HE SOBS

I asked Warner.

She said, "Hi. Oh, dear...

"I wish I could be more helpful.

"Is there any way you can find out who made that decision

"of him not attending and speak to them to find out the concern?

"Perhaps it's that they don't want it to be filmed.

"If you say you won't film it, and you just want Marty to get there,

"that might work."

We went to Brits In LA,

a networking breakfast established to help

the expat community in Hollywood.

We'd been in touch with many of these people by e-mail

and hoped that they would help us.

Everybody, this is Marty.

Hi. Hello, everyone, how are you?

Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

With regards to the premiere, you can't go...?

At the moment, they are saying, "No."

Do you know how to get hold of Tom Hanks?

Because he is a very nice man, he would get it for you.

I think the issue is slightly maybe about the documentary.

I think they maybe think I'm going to wear a microphone or something

or I'm going to try and film it or that we are going to do something.

-Eddie Michaels is a big publicity guy.

-Would he get tickets?

He'll get you into anything you want, that's his job.

This guy I'm about to introduce you to is called Sandro Monetti.

Sandro Monetti has been an entertainment journalist

for many years. He used to work for the Daily Star.

Has he got a good part in the film?

Yeah. He's playing Tom Hanks' brother.

Right, then he should have... Why hasn't he got a...?

He's in Hollywood, man. Get him a fucking publicist.

I believe in fate and this was fate that I met Simon

and then he introduced me to you,

and I definitely believe in fate.

I think if you try hard enough,

you can find a way to make things happen.

You have got to get this poor guy to the premiere.

It's his big moment. I can't believe

that they would not give him a ticket.

What you have to learn about Hollywood is,

never play by the rules.

Everyone always tells you no and there's a way around everything.

-Martyn.

-What's your name?

-Stephen.

Stephen, nice to meet you.

I'm looking at your kilt.

Kilt - so I'm guessing that's you. Have you got a kilt on?

To e-mail me pronto, got some contacts willing to help.

So, have you got Darren's e-mail?

It's Ian, or as you called me, the kilted one -

which I'm quite happy with that name, I quite like that name.

I'm sitting here with a chap called Marty.

He needs a publicist immediately.

He's here with a film crew from Scotland.

He's the second lead in the movie and he's just got off a plane

and he's in our town and he needs help.

You will get in tomorrow. I have no doubt about it.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

I have no doubt you'll be there tomorrow.

Thank you, Mark.

-Hey. So, you're the man of the hour?

-I'm the man of the hour.

So, I'm thinking...

Cos it's been a hard week for you, being fabulous.

I was thinking maybe we got you a beautiful massage, a facial,

a little scrub down, a Jacuzzi,

a little bit of champagne

and we spend an afternoon doing that.

We were talking about potentially

red carpet access for all of us.

Well, we're going to reach out.

Christine's offered Marty a day in the spa tomorrow with treatments.

And us? Only kidding.

-We need it.

-We need it more. Look at the state of us.

One miracle at a time, boys.

It was at this point that we met two very important people.

Christine Peake, a publicist

and organiser of red-carpet events.

And Darren, who didn't want to appear in our film.

A specialist at getting people into Hollywood events

when they haven't been invited.

He also told us a way that, if we can't get in the front,

he told us a way to get in the back.

-Get arrested?

-Aye.

You can take the man out of Scotland.

-Deported.

-Yes.

-Never let back in again.

-He told us a really good way to get in the back.

# Won't you get Marty to Hollywood? #

An absolute frenzy in there

of people willing and wanting to help us.

We've got a publicist who is going to take the whole project on.

'In 0.1 miles, turn right on Melrose Avenue.'

It has just been pretty mental.

That whole morning was absolutely insane...

-It's not this one, Bussy, is it?

-No, it is the next one.

We've got four or five people

working on Warner Brothers for us now.

-We've got...

-No, I know. The whole thing is just crazy.

The amount of people we met in there was just amazing.

Where it all went was just totally wild.

We were so down going in and...

I think what we got in those two hours was...

I think what we got was the benefit of all the energy

we've put in from the start.

It has suddenly...

We have put in so much energy and nothing has happened, so many doors,

and then all of a sudden, it went boom and paid off.

So, he e-mailed me a happy face.

So, that means... I don't want to say the words that I want to say.

All I'm saying is, it's going to be weird tomorrow

if Marty goes for a fucking spray tan and all that

and then he doesn't get to go to the premiere.

Aye, and I end up with a fucking spray tan

then back on the plane with it...

like a right fanny,

sitting in my kilt and all that with a big, bright red face. "Hiya."

I've e-mailed them, mate.

-Nothing back.

-Fuck sake, man.

It's a fucking joke.

Ultimately, if we don't get in, what we do is we embarrass them tonight.

-That's what we do.

-Will we do a Braveheart scene on the red carpet?

I'm getting more and more frustrated.

Every phone call, I keep thinking...

Christine Peake had organised a five-star spa treatment,

but Marty was finding it very hard to contemplate relaxing.

Well, I'm hoping we can get a bit of relaxation,

and Marty can relax, while we work on...

While we work on the tickets.

-I'll get that.

-It's all right, I'm good.

-So, listen, you're in a five-star spa, enjoy yourself.

-I know.

-It's just hard.

-I know.

You've got to trust us to try and get on with it.

How are we?

-You must be Spencer.

-I am, yes.

This is Spencer, this is Alan.

-He's going to be taking pictures.

-Nice to meet you.

Hi, Alan, I'm Martin.

This is my colleague, Ian, over here and Chris.

Marty, nice to meet you.

So, this is Niki.

Martin, who is here all the way from Scotland.

This is Niki, who owns this amazing spa, that's new and

it's where a lot of Holywood people come

when they're getting ready for the Oscars and the Emmys and all this.

Taste of luxury.

-Is it 15 years you've been an actor?

-15.

-15.

So, in these 15 years,

with this being the first big break,

what were you doing before Cloud Atlas?

So, if you like, we can offer you

the chair with steam first

-and, from there, we can do the cream and body scrub.

-I'll do...

After that, if you have time, we can give you a massage and facial.

It all depends on what time you have.

-I would like to do all that, please.

-OK, great.

-That's great.

-These guys can...

Could you tell him about the vaginal steam and the anal steam?

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

Is it true he peed in the Jacuzzi or is that just a rumour?

-Who?

-Marty Docherty.

-Oh!

While Marty was getting an anal steam, we were talking to Christine.

I did what I said I would do and I called everybody.

I e-mailed everybody

and I did what I said yesterday, remember.

And...

I did get to the people you wanted me to get to, and...

Everybody has heard of you

and a studio in Los Angeles,

in Hollywood, they run this town.

They've spent hundreds of millions of dollars on Cloud Atlas.

It's the biggest movie of the year.

Last night, I was up late.

Thousands of people in LA are tweeting

about Marty Docherty and your movie.

They're tweeting Tom Hanks and

they're tweeting Warner Brothers.

How cool is that?

I can feel as if I'm relaxed now.

I can feel my heartbeat slowing down.

-How was that?

-How was it? Amazing?

-The scrub was amazing, right?

-The scrub, the...

The steam up the bum...

LAUGHTER

How was the steam up the bum?

-It was amazing!

-Was it?

Marty, Christine's got news.

There's two ways you can look at it.

I'm just going to give it to you and you need to listen to my words.

OK, everybody knows about this movie.

I'm just saying that...

it has affected decisions,

because the movie that's important

is Cloud Atlas

and you're making a documentary

that hasn't been...

Have Warner Brothers authorising it.

It doesn't mean it's over

but I honestly think that if you came here without a crew

and there was no Marty Goes To Hollywood...

-It would be fine.

-Well, because nobody would have heard about you.

So, I'd rather be known and acknowledged

and make a difference than blend in.

That's just me.

I see you as a great guy,

who's loved, who's protected.

You've got newspaper articles.

I can't speak for Warner Brothers but for me personally,

I've spent a couple of hundred million dollars making a movie,

say I'm Warner Brothers,

and I'm reading articles about Scotland and this film crew,

and you -

it's taking the focus off of my film.

I can't speak for them, but that's what I would feel.

This hand, you have a role in a blockbuster movie.

That's what's in that hand.

You watch it with the actors.

Or in this hand,

you have a movie that's about you

and a journey that will touch people.

You touched me, you touched Eileen, Craig

and everyone that's come into contact with you guys

has shown kindness and respect and everybody has just caught on.

You've got cameras today, press -

it's not easy for me to call them last night

and tell them to be here at 9am.

People are supporting you.

Because I live here and I've lived here for a long time,

I will tell you right now,

-what is in this hand is way better.

-PHONE RINGS

Hello, is that Darren?

Darren, hold on a second.

-Darren?

-'Yes?'

The end.

You are the legend.

-You going?

-Yeah.

We'd love to take it.

He just had his arse steamed,

for the love of God.

Of course he's going.

Sorry, Darren, he'd love to go.

He'd love to take it.

-How would we make it work?

-That's the Hollywood dream.

Marty, man...

That's the dream.

That's the dream.

So, you got the movie

AND you got the premiere.

Yeah, man, you got everything.

I'll tell you who needs to be on this, is him and him.

OK. Darren, you're an absolute star.

Thank you so much for that.

Just like when we drove to meet Joe Lafferty in Helensburgh,

we were driving to meet a complete stranger

who could make or break our quest.

We've asked everyone if they believe in fate and chance because...

-Is this not totally fate and chance?

-Course it is.

I hadn't met you guys till a minute ago.

Here we are and here it is.

LAUGHTER

Two tickets.

God bless you, Peter. God bless you.

'This is a permit to film the Hollywood sign.

'To film the sign costs 450 and,

'as all you watching this film will know, we don't have any money.'

'People said we would never get here

'but Marty did get to Hollywood.

'We made this film with no money at all.

'450 for a permit?

'We'll make our own sign.'

I'm sure we can film the outskirts of the Hollywood sign

and what's behind it.

CHEERING

Your dreams came true, Marty.

Well done, son.

At the last minute, Warner Brothers came through

and gave us another two tickets -

meaning we all got to go to the premiere.

Marty even got to go to the afterparty

at a swanky Hollywood hotel.

PAPARAZZI CLAMOUR

When I was turning up, I was like...really, really nervous.

The minute you see Jimmy Broadbent sitting on that toilet pan,

I knew, "Right, the door's opening in a minute and through we come.

-IRISH ACCENT:

-Timothy Cavendish, I presume.

'It was like... It was kind of surreal and...

'..a little bit bizarre but wild exciting.

'Then of course, you get a close-up of me

'like 50 foot square on the screen.'

Where's our fucking money?

'I never thought for a minute that you'd be in the Chinese Theatre

'watching yourself in a premiere of a Hollywood film.

'It was nuts.'

Hello, everybody,

this is Santa Monica beach.

Probably the nicest beach I've ever seen

and that's the Pacific ocean

and what I'm going to do now is write a wee postcard to my maw.

Dear Mum,

I am standing at Santa Monica beach.

These last four days

have been life-changing.

Guys, thank you so much

for all of your hard work and effort to get us to here.

Honestly.

Thank you so much.

-Listen, Marty, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

-I know but...

And you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us.

He shouldn't be here at all, he's a chancer.

Cannot wait to tell you...our stories.

Much love, your wee boy, Marty.

And at the after party, the Cloud Atlas director's wife said to me,

"Did you guys make some crazy documentary to get here?"

I took Marty up there, past the press, and his eyes...

I've never seen a man's eyes open so much in my life.

He was just like... Wah!

I was like, "Marty, slow down."

He ran up the fluming gangway

and I was like, "Marty, slow down,

"you're not going to get another chance at this.

"Slow down."

It was a bit trancelike.

I was still dead edgy.

"Have I got the ticket, man?"

Cos I just...

still wasn't convinced, you know,

right up to the last minute, that we were getting in.

You know what it's like.

This week's been so many promises.

It was great to see Marty on the big screen and I think he had

a real blast seeing himself, because it's his first feature.

He's never seen himself on the big screen.

Tom Hanks came up and shook his hand after it.

I think it made his week,

it made his entire trip,

which was just brilliant.

Being here in LA,

in Hollywood, the Chinese Theatre,

it was just immense.

It was just an immense experience. It was brilliant.

It started off in Glasgow and, the next second, we're sitting here,

in Hollywood, watching the biggest film

that has come out and we're just...

We have made it here to the premiere.

Me and you were thinking,

we were so close to not getting in and we got in.

It made me think that,

if you want to do something,

if you're prepared to work hard for it

and you're concentrated on your goal,

then anything can happen.

When Marty comes on - you, Marty -

and there you are, holding your own on a massive screen.

Holding your own with the best actors in the world.

You're just like that -

"There's Marty up there!

"Holding his own with the best actors in the world."

I couldn't have been prouder.

Here we are, you're from Glasgow, right?

He's from Aberdeen - where I was born.

You're from Glasgow - the city I'm setting

my show, The Circus.

It's an incredible TV show.

Like the Mad Men of rock and roll.

How cool is that?

You're an actor. He's an actor.

Marty's an actor.

He's in a Tom Hanks film, Cloud.

I'm going to put him in my show.

You're going to go on my show - that's fate, right?

By the way, when I practise as strong as you, you know,

that's what it's all about.

Somebody is like, "There's no accident."

There are no accidents. It's all fate.

It's all fate here.

Marty's going to be a big star.

This kid's going to be in the pictures. Let me tell you.

Oh, yes.