Browse content similar to Stanley and His Daughters. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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"My bone cleaveth to my skin | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
"and to my flesh, | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
"and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:19 | |
"Have pity upon me. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
"Have pity upon me, O ye, my friends, | 0:01:21 | 0:01:26 | |
"for the hand of God has touched me." | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
Tell me, how has your relationship changed over the years? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:07 | |
Well, it has changed a lot. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
It has changed a lot. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
-Yes. -And for the better. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Yep. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
Well... | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
-So... -I... I... | 0:02:23 | 0:02:28 | |
..was just rather self-centred, | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
and though I was very fond of Unity, always... | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
..I don't think I was very kind to her. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
-In fact, I know I wasn't. -Well, you were a bit jealous, really. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
-You were a bit jealous, really. -I don't think I was jealous, actually. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:49 | |
-Oh, yes, definitely, Shirin. I experienced... -I don't think... | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
I experienced jealousy from you. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
-You felt jealous of...? -No! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
I experienced it from you! | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
-You experienced... -You were jealous of me. -Yes. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
-I'm not criticising you... -No, no. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
-..I'm simply making a statement. -Yeah. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
You were experiencing the fact that I was jealous. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
-Well, it seemed to be... -Yeah. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
..which wasn't altogether surprising, really, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
under the circumstances. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
I don't, erm, remember being jealous... | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
-No. -..of Unity, but... | 0:03:21 | 0:03:25 | |
..who knows? I guess I was. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
Of course, it's strange... | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
Strange? That was taken out the washing machine. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
-Right. -Anyway, let's go. -Yes. -Not much to see. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Have you taken out of the cupboards? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Did you open the cupboards and take what was there? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
-Everything's gone out of the cupboards, Mum. -OK. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
-There were those big dishes in there. -Yeah, they've all gone. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
-They've all been safely packed. -Oh, good. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Oh, it's changed so much, because Mum has forgiven Shirin. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:34 | |
Shirin can be herself, and apart from being a little bit fussy, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:39 | |
which annoys Mum... She says, "Oh, Shirin, stop fussing!" | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
But it takes time in any relationship | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
for anyone to learn, work out, understand. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
So, how's it going to be in Wales, now? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
It'll be all right. If she annoys me, I'll tell her so, | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
and if I annoy her, she'll tell me so. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Do you think you've got a more honest relationship now? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
Oh, yes. I think so, don't you? | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
-Hmm? -I think we have a more honest relationship now. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
-Oh, yes. -I think so. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
Oh, yes. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
She's got her friends and her church | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
and her various things down there. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
Well, I'm not frightened, now. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
I'm not frightened of... | 0:05:27 | 0:05:32 | |
..making things worse, you know? | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
I was putting my foot in it thoroughly, beforehand. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
Well, that's his painting palette, presumably. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
Yes. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
-It looks very big. -Yes. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
Can you show me how he would hold it? | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
-Well, you hold it with your thumbs right here... -I've never held one. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
-..like that. -Yes. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
-The thumb goes through there. -Yeah. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
-ARCHIVE FOOTAGE: -This is an art class in a little village school. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
It's a rather special day because a real artist lives in the village, | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
and today, he's come to join the class. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
The artist is Stanley Spencer. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
The school is at Cookham, | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
which is a quiet and pretty English village on the River Thames, | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
and not far from Windsor Castle in London. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Stanley Spencer was born in Cookham and went to school there himself. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
He has lived in the village for most of his life. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:12 | |
His house is just opposite the school | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
and looks out across the playground. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Stanley Spencer's work was first shown in London in 1912, | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
and he's been painting hard ever since. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
Now, he is one of the best-known artists in Britain. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
His drawings and portraits are admired by many people. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
His paintings hang in most of the public galleries in Britain. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
He has become one of the most individual artistic personalities | 0:08:37 | 0:08:41 | |
of his time. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
STANLEY: You see, everything has a sort of double meaning for me. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
There's the ordinary, everyday meaning of things, | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
utilitarian meaning, and the imaginary meaning about it all. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:10 | |
-ARCHIVE FOOTAGE: -From the beginning, the events and prophecies | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
of the Bible have been, for him, | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
the most natural and exciting of all subjects. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
In his art, they come to life in vivid scenes, | 0:09:37 | 0:09:42 | |
full of the sense of wonder and a new awareness. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
One of the... | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
One of the things of which we both, | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
my dad and me, | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
thoroughly agree is that | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
religion is saying ta to God. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
That is what he used to say. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
He said, "Religion is saying ta to God." | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
What did he mean by that? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
Thank you! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
So, thank you for nature and life and everything? | 0:10:15 | 0:10:20 | |
Music, people, situations. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:24 | |
And... | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
..of course Burghclerers used "ta". | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
There's something so | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
inspiring about Burghclerers. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
It's a... | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
You know, one says inspiring, which lifts you up, | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
but it also knocks you over. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
STANLEY: The pictures in this chapel | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
really divide into two major experiences | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
that I had in the 1914 war. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
You see in the top picture there, | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
you can just see a bit of the Macedonian scene. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
One was Macedonia scene, and the other was Bristol Hospital scenes. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:07 | |
The arch pictures and the ones below | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
are, more or less all of them, | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
Bristol Hospital scenes. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
The one above is Macedonia. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
And here we have the big altar | 0:12:18 | 0:12:23 | |
resurrection picture, which is also Macedonia. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
When I did this altar piece, | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
Resurrection, I wanted it to be | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
in Macedonia, I wanted it to be in a particular place that I remembered. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:40 | |
And I felt that all that I hoped for | 0:12:40 | 0:12:44 | |
of all the coming back home and everything, | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
could be, so to speak, celebrated there. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
This picture speaks to me | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
more than many sermons, because, | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
you know, his main interest | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
was in resurrection and redemption. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:01 | |
Well, you couldn't have a greater example of redemption | 0:14:01 | 0:14:06 | |
than those two hands. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
It's just incredible. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
And actually, it was when they were still... | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
..when they were courting, when our parents were courting. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
And Mummy, bless her, posed as one of the figures | 0:14:22 | 0:14:26 | |
lying on the floor. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
And also as Christ... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
There's actually a drawing of her | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
posing for this picture. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
Well, the great difference | 0:14:56 | 0:15:00 | |
between our parents | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
was that they wanted no difference. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
They wanted something you can never get in this world... | 0:15:09 | 0:15:14 | |
..perfect. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
You know, complete unity. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
They got Unity, of course, the child, | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
but they couldn't really get this unity. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
It was a... | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
It was in one way... | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
..the same philosophy, | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
and in another quite different. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
A different approach. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
They... | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
They were, as I think someone said, | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
"these God-besotted Spencers". | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
Something of that sort. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Well, my mother's family moved | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
from Oxford to Hampstead, | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
and I think my grandmother bought number 47... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:55 | |
..and that's where I was born, in the top bedroom. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
Shirin was born at the Vale of Health Hotel | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
on Hampstead Heath, | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
and I was born up there. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
Do you have fond memories of it? | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
Oh, yes, very fond. I loved it. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:16 | |
It was my beloved home and garden. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
I really loved it. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:19 | |
"Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness | 0:17:43 | 0:17:47 | |
"Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun | 0:17:47 | 0:17:51 | |
"Conspiring with him how to load and bless | 0:17:51 | 0:17:55 | |
"With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run." | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
I can't remember the middle bit. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
-And then... -It has not often seen me... | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
-Sorry, dear? -What about, "Autumn sitting beside thee"? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:11 | |
-Oh. -Yeah. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
"Oft how I've seen thee by thy store | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
"Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
"Or by a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep." | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
And something about watching the last oozing, hours by hours. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:29 | |
A German friend of mine was very put out. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
He said, "Who's got time to do that?" | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
And I forgot to tell him that it was autumn, not a human. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:18:37 | 0:18:38 | |
-Autumn stays a long time. -Yes, yes. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
When things got difficult in Cookham, | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
my mother came up to Hampstead, | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
with Unity as a really little child, | 0:20:08 | 0:20:13 | |
and she had a small room. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
There was room for the bed, there was room for a cot. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
It wasn't a big room for another child, | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
and there wasn't room in any other room. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
So it was best if I went to stay | 0:20:33 | 0:20:39 | |
with someone local | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
who was related, even distantly. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
And this was Mrs Harter, who was the mother of Gwen Carline. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:55 | |
My mother's family were Carlines. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
This is Gwen Carline, the widow of my mother's brother Sidney. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:04 | |
So I went there, I didn't know how long I was going to stay. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
But I went there when I was getting on for six. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
LANGUID PIANO MUSIC | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Oh, well, when I was born, everything... | 0:21:28 | 0:21:33 | |
I seemed to disrupt everything, | 0:21:33 | 0:21:34 | |
cos Mrs Harter said she'd look after Shirin. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:39 | |
She was...the connection she had was her daughter had married Sidney. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
She said she'd look after Shirin, | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
but she never returned her. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
And Mummy didn't have the courage to ask for her back. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:53 | |
So it was pretty awful, really. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:54 | |
Then, when the War came, I was sent off, taken to Epsom, | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
which was ridiculous, | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
because Epsom was on the flight path from Croydon Aerodrome to the coast. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:06 | |
So that was a bit stupid, and deprived Mummy | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
of both her daughters. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
All she ever wanted was to have two little girls, | 0:22:12 | 0:22:16 | |
and Daddy and I discovered... | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
I also thought that maybe this is partly what caused her to go mad. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:23 | |
-That her family was split up and taken from her? -Yes! | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
No need. No need at all. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
I mean, if she couldn't have coped, | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
she could've got a nanny in to help. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
Already had Miss Swiss Alps. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
This is Cookham village. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:42 | |
The River Thames passes behind it in a series of gentle bends | 0:22:42 | 0:22:47 | |
which enclose flat meadows lined with trees. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
By the river and amongst the trees, there is a peaceful church | 0:22:53 | 0:22:57 | |
and churchyard. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
There are none of Spencer's paintings inside, | 0:23:00 | 0:23:05 | |
but this church is an important factor in Spencer's mind. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
The village gardens are shaded by flowering shrubs and magnolias, | 0:23:20 | 0:23:24 | |
or by tall, black cedar trees. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
It's a quiet place with a life and an atmosphere of its own, where | 0:23:28 | 0:23:32 | |
everyone knows everyone else and where life goes at its own | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
unhurried pace. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
Cookham is a kind of newspaper to me, | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
through the pages of which I am anxiously | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
glancing in the hope of finding something about myself in it. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
On the whole, it's rather satisfactory. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:54 | |
I seem to find here and there bits, and it sort of | 0:23:54 | 0:23:58 | |
writes me up very well. But you understand what I mean - | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
that I find something of myself all over the place. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
LANGUID PIANO MUSIC | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
She made a beeline for Daddy because he got a bit of money. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
Do you think she was after the money? | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
Well, she was a lesbian, she wasn't interested in Daddy. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
Have you got any memories of her, even though you were very young? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
-Patricia? -Yeah. -I met her once when I was about nine. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
And being terribly stupid and gullible... She came in rather | 0:25:18 | 0:25:23 | |
smarmy, and so I shook hands with her, but Shirin fortunately | 0:25:23 | 0:25:29 | |
didn't, cos she was much more shrewd and perceptive than I was. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:34 | |
She had written a letter to Mummy... | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
..saying, "Dorothy and I are going on in advance, | 0:25:42 | 0:25:48 | |
"and Stanley is finishing a landscape. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:53 | |
"And if you could come down and see to your own things, | 0:25:53 | 0:25:58 | |
"you know, collect anything that belongs to you, | 0:25:58 | 0:26:03 | |
"and then come on with Stanley, if you like." | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
-On the honeymoon? -To the honeymoon! | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
I mean... | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
And, of course... | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
I mean, she would have known what would have happened, | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
guessed what would have happened | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
when Mummy came down to Cookham and there was Daddy, and he was | 0:26:28 | 0:26:33 | |
so delighted to see her and it was, you know, | 0:26:33 | 0:26:38 | |
it was almost as if nothing had happened. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:42 | |
Well, you know, in a way, he was...she'd... | 0:26:43 | 0:26:47 | |
..have no letters from him at all, and... | 0:26:47 | 0:26:51 | |
..and so... | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
you know, to be greeted like that... | 0:26:57 | 0:27:00 | |
And, of course, they committed adultery. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
It's a mad, mad situation! | 0:27:06 | 0:27:10 | |
Because Mummy never felt herself... | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
..not to be his wife, really. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:18 | |
But she was willing to do this. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
She did, she did go down and she did sign the divorce thing. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:29 | |
You know, she'd never, ever | 0:27:31 | 0:27:33 | |
thought she was going to be divorced. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
LANGUID PIANO MUSIC | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
"You deserve to be cursed. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:09 | |
"And there is no doubt that you will be, | 0:28:11 | 0:28:15 | |
"and sooner than you would like. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
"It is not possible that such infinite cruelty could fail | 0:28:20 | 0:28:28 | |
"to surround, eventually, your own life. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:36 | |
"Where the hurt-bearing atmosphere... | 0:28:36 | 0:28:40 | |
"Some tragedy will certainly come... | 0:28:40 | 0:28:45 | |
"..that you would do anything to prevent. | 0:28:47 | 0:28:50 | |
"You cannot entertain a devil and trust him | 0:28:53 | 0:28:58 | |
"not to turn round on yourself | 0:28:58 | 0:29:02 | |
"and destroy you. | 0:29:02 | 0:29:04 | |
"Your cruelty will surround your life as it has already | 0:29:07 | 0:29:14 | |
"entered into your Academy pictures... | 0:29:14 | 0:29:18 | |
"..the compositions, but more especially, the shapes | 0:29:20 | 0:29:27 | |
"are cruel shapes. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:29 | |
"A sensitive person would be knocked backwards | 0:29:31 | 0:29:36 | |
"and fly from those pictures. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:39 | |
"You deserve to have a murdered | 0:29:43 | 0:29:46 | |
"person tied to your back forever, | 0:29:46 | 0:29:53 | |
"in such a manner that you can never escape from it." | 0:29:53 | 0:29:58 | |
MUSIC: Let Yourself Go by Ginger Rogers | 0:30:07 | 0:30:13 | |
# Come, get together | 0:30:51 | 0:30:53 | |
# Let the dance floor feel your leather | 0:30:53 | 0:30:56 | |
# Step as lightly as a feather | 0:30:56 | 0:30:58 | |
# Let yourself go | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
# Come, hit the timber | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
# Loosen up and start to limber | 0:31:02 | 0:31:05 | |
# Can't you hear that hot marimba? | 0:31:05 | 0:31:07 | |
# Let yourself go | 0:31:07 | 0:31:09 | |
# Let yourself go, relax | 0:31:09 | 0:31:11 | |
# And let yourself go, relax | 0:31:11 | 0:31:14 | |
# You've got yourself tied up in a knot | 0:31:14 | 0:31:16 | |
# The night is cold but the music's hot, so | 0:31:16 | 0:31:19 | |
# Come, cuddle closer | 0:31:19 | 0:31:21 | |
# Don't you dare to answer, "No, sir" | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
# Butcher, baker, clerk and grocer | 0:31:24 | 0:31:26 | |
# Let yourself go. # | 0:31:26 | 0:31:28 | |
-And this home, for you, has been a happy place? -Oh, yes. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:46 | |
-And so... -Not enough visitors, but it's really nice. -Yeah. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:50 | |
And so we're wanting now to just thank God for your time here? | 0:31:50 | 0:31:54 | |
-Yes, yes. -And also to pray for you as you're moving home and going to | 0:31:54 | 0:31:57 | |
Wales. How would you say you're feeling about moving to Wales? | 0:31:57 | 0:32:00 | |
-I'm feeling sort of strange. -Yeah. | 0:32:00 | 0:32:03 | |
A bit strange. But I think it'll be all right. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:06 | |
-Yeah. -And I... | 0:32:06 | 0:32:08 | |
My sister will be there, that's partly the reason. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:11 | |
But she said she hoped she wasn't dragging me to Cowbridge. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:15 | |
Well, she is dragging me... LAUGHTER | 0:32:15 | 0:32:18 | |
..but it's quite a nice drag. | 0:32:18 | 0:32:20 | |
This is from Ephesians 3. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
Unity, I pray that, out of God's glorious riches, | 0:32:23 | 0:32:27 | |
He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner | 0:32:27 | 0:32:32 | |
being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. | 0:32:32 | 0:32:36 | |
And, Heavenly Father, thank you for Unity. | 0:32:37 | 0:32:40 | |
Thank you for this house that she has lived in. | 0:32:40 | 0:32:43 | |
Thank you for the rest she's enjoyed here. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:46 | |
Thank you for the laughter that's been had here. | 0:32:46 | 0:32:49 | |
Thank you that this place has been a home of happiness | 0:32:49 | 0:32:51 | |
and contentment and creativity | 0:32:51 | 0:32:54 | |
and hope. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:57 | |
And so, Father, thank you that in the Lord Jesus, | 0:32:57 | 0:33:00 | |
as Unity moves to Wales, thank you that you will continue to | 0:33:00 | 0:33:04 | |
be with her, that you will be at home in her. | 0:33:04 | 0:33:09 | |
And so, Lord, we pray for her, we pray that she might know | 0:33:09 | 0:33:14 | |
the joy of the Lord as her strength. | 0:33:14 | 0:33:17 | |
That she might know the peace of the Lord in her heart. | 0:33:17 | 0:33:21 | |
And that she might know the love of the Lord Jesus at her right hand. | 0:33:21 | 0:33:26 | |
-And we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. -Amen. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:31 | |
-You're very brave... -Am I? -..starting a new house... | 0:33:32 | 0:33:36 | |
Oh, I don't know. | 0:33:36 | 0:33:38 | |
I suppose... Well... | 0:33:38 | 0:33:40 | |
..life's got to be lived. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:42 | |
LANGUID PIANO MUSIC | 0:33:47 | 0:33:51 | |
In this painting of Hilda, Unity and Dolls, | 0:34:51 | 0:34:55 | |
my mother's in the background and I'm in the foreground... | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
..and I've got... | 0:35:00 | 0:35:01 | |
I'm holding Golden Slumber Sonia Rose in my arms. | 0:35:01 | 0:35:04 | |
Here she is. | 0:35:06 | 0:35:08 | |
Here's little Sonia Rose, looking a bit... | 0:35:08 | 0:35:11 | |
..a little bit sort of... | 0:35:11 | 0:35:13 | |
I don't know what, quite, but... | 0:35:13 | 0:35:16 | |
..there she is. | 0:35:16 | 0:35:18 | |
And what's her full name? | 0:35:18 | 0:35:20 | |
Golden Slumber Sonia Rose. | 0:35:20 | 0:35:23 | |
-And did you name her? -I did, certainly. | 0:35:23 | 0:35:26 | |
Oh, yes. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:29 | |
Originally, she had black hair, but | 0:35:29 | 0:35:32 | |
because I cut it, then she had different coloured... | 0:35:32 | 0:35:36 | |
..hair. | 0:35:36 | 0:35:38 | |
There she is, bless her. | 0:35:39 | 0:35:41 | |
-She's a pretty little thing, isn't she? -Beautiful. | 0:35:47 | 0:35:50 | |
There you are, Sonia Rose. You go back in there, dear. | 0:35:53 | 0:35:55 | |
Whoops. | 0:35:57 | 0:35:59 | |
Oh. There we are. | 0:36:03 | 0:36:07 | |
Mummy doesn't look very happy. | 0:36:09 | 0:36:13 | |
I'm just kind of ordinary, I suppose. | 0:36:13 | 0:36:15 | |
Is this at a time of the family breaking up? | 0:36:17 | 0:36:20 | |
Oh, yes. | 0:36:20 | 0:36:22 | |
I think the family had. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:24 | |
In 1937, Minnehaha got left a house in Epsom... | 0:36:26 | 0:36:32 | |
..which had been her childhood home. I mean, Epsom itself. | 0:36:34 | 0:36:38 | |
Big house. | 0:36:38 | 0:36:41 | |
And so she moved there, together with me. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:45 | |
So you can imagine how I... | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
..I missed them. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:52 | |
I missed Unity and... | 0:36:52 | 0:36:55 | |
..my mother and my father. | 0:36:57 | 0:37:00 | |
I hadn't seen my father, actually, since I was about six. | 0:37:00 | 0:37:05 | |
I didn't see him much, no. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:09 | |
You know, very seldom. | 0:37:11 | 0:37:14 | |
He...you know, he did keep in touch with Mummy, | 0:37:14 | 0:37:18 | |
and of course with Unity, because she was there. | 0:37:18 | 0:37:22 | |
But, no, I didn't. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:25 | |
And then...but being in Epsom meant that I wasn't in Hampstead, | 0:37:25 | 0:37:30 | |
so I wasn't near my mother, couldn't be at any meetings that there were. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:35 | |
Did you feel very lonely? | 0:37:37 | 0:37:40 | |
I did feel... | 0:37:41 | 0:37:43 | |
I suppose... | 0:37:45 | 0:37:47 | |
..in a way, I felt exiled. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:51 | |
I wasn't all that lonely - | 0:37:52 | 0:37:54 | |
I had nice friends, and Minnehaha and Gwen were very kind to me. | 0:37:54 | 0:37:59 | |
I mean, I got very naughty and got punished a bit, | 0:37:59 | 0:38:02 | |
but nothing much. | 0:38:02 | 0:38:04 | |
But, no, I... | 0:38:05 | 0:38:08 | |
..I just missed them very much. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:10 | |
# Oh, how amiable are thy dwellings | 0:38:13 | 0:38:16 | |
# Thou Lord of hosts | 0:38:16 | 0:38:21 | |
# My soul has a desire and longing | 0:38:21 | 0:38:25 | |
# To enter into the court of the Lord | 0:38:25 | 0:38:29 | |
# Ha-na-na-na-na, la-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. # | 0:38:29 | 0:38:34 | |
I can't remember the rest, but in the end, it says... | 0:38:34 | 0:38:37 | |
# I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God | 0:38:37 | 0:38:41 | |
# Than dwell in the tents of the ungodly. # | 0:38:41 | 0:38:45 | |
I love this bit. | 0:38:45 | 0:38:46 | |
"I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than | 0:38:46 | 0:38:49 | |
"dwell in the tents of the ungodly." | 0:38:49 | 0:38:52 | |
Poof! Prrah! Posh! Poof! SHE LAUGHS | 0:38:52 | 0:38:56 | |
LANGUID PIANO MUSIC | 0:38:58 | 0:39:01 | |
I remember my mother being very... | 0:39:23 | 0:39:26 | |
Well, she was in bed and it was 11 o'clock in the morning, | 0:39:26 | 0:39:29 | |
and she was depressed. | 0:39:29 | 0:39:32 | |
And suddenly she rose up in bed and stretched a hand out in front of her | 0:39:32 | 0:39:39 | |
and said, "I hate him. I hate him." | 0:39:39 | 0:39:42 | |
Well... | 0:39:46 | 0:39:49 | |
..it was tragic. | 0:39:49 | 0:39:52 | |
It was appalling. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:54 | |
It was cruel...and... | 0:39:54 | 0:39:58 | |
..it was so unjust. | 0:40:00 | 0:40:03 | |
The way he was behaving. | 0:40:04 | 0:40:07 | |
But I'm afraid at that time... | 0:40:09 | 0:40:12 | |
..he felt that, in a sense, | 0:40:14 | 0:40:17 | |
as an artist, as a genius, he could do anything. | 0:40:17 | 0:40:23 | |
"I will go for a walk through Cookham churchyard. | 0:40:26 | 0:40:29 | |
"I will walk along the path which runs under the hedge. | 0:40:31 | 0:40:34 | |
"I do so and pause to look at a tombstone which rises | 0:40:36 | 0:40:41 | |
"out of the midst of a small privet hedge which grows over the grave | 0:40:41 | 0:40:47 | |
"and is railed round with iron railings. | 0:40:47 | 0:40:50 | |
"A little to the right is a simple mound, | 0:40:52 | 0:40:56 | |
"guarded at either end by two small firs. | 0:40:56 | 0:41:01 | |
"Both are upright and elliptical in shape. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:05 | |
"I return to our house and put it down on paper. | 0:41:06 | 0:41:11 | |
"I think still more hopefully about the resurrection. | 0:41:12 | 0:41:16 | |
"I go to supper, not oversatisfied with the evening's thought, | 0:41:17 | 0:41:23 | |
"but know that tomorrow will see the light. | 0:41:23 | 0:41:28 | |
"Tomorrow, in my flesh, I shall see God." | 0:41:28 | 0:41:34 | |
Unity, why do you think Shirin was jealous of you? | 0:41:38 | 0:41:42 | |
Well, I was four and a half years younger than her | 0:41:44 | 0:41:48 | |
and that is a very difficult age gap for a child to tolerate, apparently. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:53 | |
Do you think it was anything to do with the fact | 0:41:56 | 0:41:59 | |
that you were with your mother? | 0:41:59 | 0:42:01 | |
-Probably. Could be. -And Shirin was with Mrs...? -Could well be. | 0:42:01 | 0:42:05 | |
Mrs Harter... She wasn't kind to my mother. | 0:42:06 | 0:42:10 | |
You know, I mean, all my mother ever wanted was to have two little girls | 0:42:12 | 0:42:17 | |
and Minnehaha virtually commandeered us. | 0:42:17 | 0:42:21 | |
And it's not surprising, and I think Daddy and I agree, | 0:42:22 | 0:42:26 | |
it's not surprising that Mummy became a bit mentally ill | 0:42:26 | 0:42:30 | |
and said that Mrs Harter was coming to murder everybody. | 0:42:30 | 0:42:35 | |
I think probably Mummy wanted to murder Mrs Harter. | 0:42:35 | 0:42:38 | |
Well, we... | 0:42:42 | 0:42:43 | |
For years, I didn't understand... | 0:42:43 | 0:42:46 | |
..erm, what Unity was trying to say to me. | 0:42:47 | 0:42:52 | |
-Why not? -And... -Why not? | 0:42:52 | 0:42:54 | |
-She was saying... -Why not? | 0:42:54 | 0:42:56 | |
-Hmm? -Why not? | 0:42:56 | 0:42:57 | |
Well, I didn't have the capacity to understand that... | 0:42:58 | 0:43:02 | |
-What? -It wasn't... | 0:43:02 | 0:43:04 | |
Well, because you'd say, "You know." | 0:43:06 | 0:43:08 | |
-Well, you did know, Shirin, and you pretended you didn't. -I didn't know. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:13 | |
-No, a lot of the time you did. -No, I didn't actually know | 0:43:13 | 0:43:17 | |
but that was because of... | 0:43:17 | 0:43:20 | |
..my own... | 0:43:23 | 0:43:26 | |
..lack of knowledge, and lack of knowledge of myself and... | 0:43:29 | 0:43:33 | |
What I really need is integrity. | 0:43:33 | 0:43:36 | |
That's what is really essential, | 0:43:38 | 0:43:42 | |
because it is... | 0:43:42 | 0:43:44 | |
..being honest with yourself, with other people, and... | 0:43:46 | 0:43:53 | |
I've always valued other people. | 0:43:54 | 0:43:58 | |
I've had great love for other people, but I haven't always... | 0:43:58 | 0:44:02 | |
..understood because I didn't understand myself, you know? | 0:44:04 | 0:44:08 | |
And I feel, in a way, | 0:44:10 | 0:44:15 | |
I'm discovering a bit about integrity. | 0:44:15 | 0:44:18 | |
Rather late. | 0:44:21 | 0:44:23 | |
But better late than never. | 0:44:23 | 0:44:25 | |
My father was very musical. | 0:44:51 | 0:44:54 | |
He came from a family where everyone played an instrument. | 0:44:54 | 0:44:59 | |
He used to say that Beethoven was like humanity striving for heaven | 0:45:06 | 0:45:14 | |
and Bach WAS heaven. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:16 | |
Straighten the piano up on three. | 0:45:21 | 0:45:24 | |
Point the piano that way. | 0:45:24 | 0:45:26 | |
-Cup of tea? -Hurray! | 0:45:45 | 0:45:47 | |
Which way up is it going in? | 0:45:57 | 0:45:59 | |
SHE PLAYS: God Save The Queen | 0:46:01 | 0:46:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:46:06 | 0:46:08 | |
Shirin has a real network of friends here, | 0:46:50 | 0:46:53 | |
an amazing network of friends, and her church, and she's made | 0:46:53 | 0:46:57 | |
a real home, and she's still active in her village and her community. | 0:46:57 | 0:47:02 | |
Mum has friends in London | 0:47:02 | 0:47:04 | |
but she's not active with them in the way Shirin is. | 0:47:04 | 0:47:07 | |
If I've got to look after both of them, or provide care, or... | 0:47:07 | 0:47:10 | |
..whatever way, to get care for both of them, in the future, | 0:47:10 | 0:47:14 | |
financially, it's a no-brainer to bring Mum here than to take Shirin | 0:47:14 | 0:47:19 | |
to London, and Mum agreed, and so we've done it, | 0:47:19 | 0:47:22 | |
and so far, it seems to be, it feels to be the right decision. | 0:47:22 | 0:47:26 | |
And Shirin and Mum are getting so close, | 0:47:26 | 0:47:30 | |
and as I said, Shirin's never had, since she was four... | 0:47:30 | 0:47:33 | |
I know we've asked and talked about them living together, | 0:47:33 | 0:47:36 | |
but living together unconditionally in a happy space, | 0:47:36 | 0:47:41 | |
this is the first time. | 0:47:41 | 0:47:42 | |
And they are happy together, and that's wonderful. | 0:47:42 | 0:47:45 | |
Tell us about this painting. | 0:48:58 | 0:49:00 | |
Well, it's packing up our trunks at the end of term | 0:49:00 | 0:49:06 | |
to go home for the holidays. | 0:49:06 | 0:49:09 | |
And... | 0:49:09 | 0:49:11 | |
..that's about it, really. | 0:49:14 | 0:49:16 | |
Are you self-taught? You said you had to work it all out for yourself. | 0:49:16 | 0:49:20 | |
Oh, yes, I hadn't been to art school. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:22 | |
I mean, we had a good art teacher at school | 0:49:22 | 0:49:25 | |
but I hadn't been to art school. | 0:49:25 | 0:49:27 | |
"Oh, how I long to paint. | 0:49:38 | 0:49:41 | |
"A man told me that Malta possesses many old churches | 0:49:42 | 0:49:47 | |
"full of frescoes | 0:49:47 | 0:49:49 | |
"and one in particular called the church of St Paul, | 0:49:49 | 0:49:53 | |
"which contains the life of St Paul on its walls. | 0:49:53 | 0:49:56 | |
"When this man told me this, I began to long. | 0:49:58 | 0:50:02 | |
"I couldn't help thinking what a glorious thing it was to be | 0:50:02 | 0:50:06 | |
"an artist, to perform miracles, and that I wanted to work and couldn't." | 0:50:06 | 0:50:13 | |
"If I see a man putting a bivouac up beautifully, | 0:50:15 | 0:50:19 | |
"I want to do it myself. | 0:50:19 | 0:50:23 | |
"And when I read of Christ raising the dead, | 0:50:23 | 0:50:26 | |
"I want to raise the dead myself." | 0:50:26 | 0:50:29 | |
The one of the picnic where Patricia is there - | 0:50:52 | 0:50:55 | |
does that still make you... Do you get cross? | 0:50:55 | 0:50:57 | |
Well, I... | 0:50:57 | 0:51:01 | |
..I've sort of dealt with it. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:05 | |
Erm... Obviously, when people bring that time up, | 0:51:05 | 0:51:11 | |
it's uncomfortable. | 0:51:11 | 0:51:13 | |
Because... More because of me than because of Patricia. | 0:51:14 | 0:51:20 | |
Because of how I felt about her | 0:51:22 | 0:51:25 | |
and the fact that I think | 0:51:25 | 0:51:30 | |
she's the only person in my life I've hated. | 0:51:30 | 0:51:33 | |
And I guess it was partly jealousy. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:38 | |
And I think I must have realised quite early on that... | 0:51:41 | 0:51:49 | |
..she was taking my dad away. | 0:51:51 | 0:51:53 | |
There is in the copyright a clause | 0:52:26 | 0:52:29 | |
that you can pretty much reproduce anything, | 0:52:29 | 0:52:33 | |
but you cannot reproduce the double nude. | 0:52:33 | 0:52:36 | |
Shirin can't look at it. | 0:52:36 | 0:52:37 | |
And the pain for Shirin has been immense and total, it's complete. | 0:52:39 | 0:52:47 | |
Recently, she's softening on it | 0:52:47 | 0:52:51 | |
because of, I've put conversations to her, saying, you know, | 0:52:51 | 0:52:55 | |
in time, people will be able to see this picture more, so... | 0:52:55 | 0:53:01 | |
Mum can look at the picture. Shirin can't. | 0:53:01 | 0:53:03 | |
For Shirin, I don't know whether it's difficult to | 0:53:06 | 0:53:10 | |
look at your pretty much fully... full frontal naked father, | 0:53:10 | 0:53:14 | |
or whether it is Patricia. | 0:53:14 | 0:53:17 | |
And it's just the fact that there is the woman - | 0:53:18 | 0:53:21 | |
there are other pictures with her in but this one's pretty brutal | 0:53:21 | 0:53:25 | |
for a daughter to cope with, for a woman to cope with, | 0:53:25 | 0:53:28 | |
for an old lady to cope with. | 0:53:28 | 0:53:29 | |
So, it's bloody painful. | 0:53:30 | 0:53:32 | |
Christ fell asleep and when he woke in the morning, he said, | 0:54:12 | 0:54:15 | |
"I will arise now and go to my father." | 0:54:15 | 0:54:17 | |
And immediately the spirit driveth him into the wilderness. | 0:54:20 | 0:54:23 | |
For wheresover the carcass is, | 0:54:26 | 0:54:28 | |
there will the eagles be gathered together. | 0:54:28 | 0:54:31 | |
How often would I have gathered the children together, | 0:54:33 | 0:54:37 | |
even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:39 | |
And Jesus said unto him, "The foxes have holes and the birds | 0:54:41 | 0:54:45 | |
"of the air have nests | 0:54:45 | 0:54:47 | |
"but the Son of Man hath not where to lay his head." | 0:54:47 | 0:54:49 | |
And when he sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray. | 0:54:51 | 0:54:55 | |
He said those paintings were painted | 0:55:00 | 0:55:02 | |
at a very difficult time for him. When was that? | 0:55:02 | 0:55:04 | |
Well, it was after his second marriage had broken up. | 0:55:04 | 0:55:09 | |
And... | 0:55:11 | 0:55:13 | |
You know, he was very courageous. | 0:55:16 | 0:55:19 | |
But he... | 0:55:23 | 0:55:24 | |
He just got on with the job and did more paintings, and of course | 0:55:24 | 0:55:30 | |
the Christ in the Wilderness series came out of that time too. | 0:55:30 | 0:55:34 | |
And some of those paintings - fantastic, like The Scorpion... | 0:55:36 | 0:55:41 | |
SHE EXHALES | 0:55:41 | 0:55:42 | |
That's amazing. | 0:55:42 | 0:55:43 | |
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions | 0:55:47 | 0:55:51 | |
and over all the power of the enemy, | 0:55:51 | 0:55:54 | |
and nothing shall by any means hurt you. | 0:55:54 | 0:55:56 | |
Then why take ye thought for raiment? | 0:55:59 | 0:56:02 | |
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. | 0:56:02 | 0:56:05 | |
They toil not, neither do they spin, and yet I say unto you that | 0:56:05 | 0:56:09 | |
even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. | 0:56:09 | 0:56:13 | |
This kneeling position was a memory of seeing my baby Shirin | 0:56:13 | 0:56:17 | |
looking down into the long grass. | 0:56:17 | 0:56:20 | |
This picture of the... | 0:56:22 | 0:56:24 | |
..Christ in the Wilderness, and it's The Scorpion. | 0:56:28 | 0:56:33 | |
The colours are very muted. | 0:56:37 | 0:56:40 | |
The colour of his robe and the rocks around and the sand beyond that, | 0:56:41 | 0:56:49 | |
they're just the same, the same colour. | 0:56:49 | 0:56:53 | |
He is one, he's absolutely one with nature. | 0:56:55 | 0:57:00 | |
But he's got this little scorpion in his hand | 0:57:02 | 0:57:07 | |
and although it says, "You should take up scorpions and snakes | 0:57:07 | 0:57:12 | |
"and any deadly thing, they will not harm you," | 0:57:12 | 0:57:16 | |
what he's really doing is looking at this scorpion | 0:57:16 | 0:57:20 | |
with great attention and great affection, you know, being... | 0:57:20 | 0:57:26 | |
In the looking at nature, that time, he's... | 0:57:27 | 0:57:33 | |
He's looking at the creation, | 0:57:34 | 0:57:38 | |
and he had a big part in that, so, you know, | 0:57:38 | 0:57:43 | |
the scorpion is one of his creations and he's jolly interested in it. | 0:57:43 | 0:57:48 | |
It's so loving. | 0:57:50 | 0:57:52 | |
You know, and also, though I don't really... | 0:57:53 | 0:57:57 | |
I'm not particularly interested in the... | 0:57:57 | 0:58:01 | |
..you know, astrology, | 0:58:03 | 0:58:07 | |
I am under the sign of Scorpio, | 0:58:07 | 0:58:11 | |
and... | 0:58:11 | 0:58:12 | |
..I think I can sort of put myself into it | 0:58:14 | 0:58:20 | |
and feel that he's looking at me with kindness. | 0:58:20 | 0:58:25 | |
Sort of, "I'll give you another chance, old girl." | 0:58:27 | 0:58:30 | |
That is my Uncle Will. | 0:58:36 | 0:58:38 | |
He was the oldest brother in a family of about eight children, | 0:58:38 | 0:58:42 | |
Spencer children, and very much sort of revered by the younger members, | 0:58:42 | 0:58:48 | |
and Daddy and I visited him in Switzerland. | 0:58:48 | 0:58:52 | |
On this occasion, he had been ill, | 0:58:52 | 0:58:56 | |
so he was in bed, and Daddy sat on one side and I sat on the other | 0:58:56 | 0:59:02 | |
and we drew him, | 0:59:02 | 0:59:04 | |
and Daddy said he thought my drawings were better than his. | 0:59:04 | 0:59:08 | |
I think, actually, on this occasion, my drawing WAS better than his. | 0:59:09 | 0:59:13 | |
It was more sympathetic, somehow. | 0:59:13 | 0:59:16 | |
And then I came back from the Slade one day, | 1:00:19 | 1:00:22 | |
I'd just started at the Slade, from Wimbledon Art School, | 1:00:22 | 1:00:27 | |
and I came in and I said, "How's Mummy?" | 1:00:27 | 1:00:31 | |
And she looked very serious, | 1:00:31 | 1:00:34 | |
so I dashed out of the house, and I ran and ran and ran and ran and ran, | 1:00:34 | 1:00:39 | |
all the way up a steep slope leading to New End Hospital, | 1:00:39 | 1:00:45 | |
and as I came up the stairs, I saw Daddy come out of the ward | 1:00:45 | 1:00:50 | |
and I realised that Mummy had died, | 1:00:50 | 1:00:53 | |
and I let out a great big howl | 1:00:53 | 1:00:56 | |
that reverberated all around that bit of the hospital. | 1:00:56 | 1:01:00 | |
They're both very brave woman | 1:01:29 | 1:01:31 | |
because they've come through it and they've coped, | 1:01:31 | 1:01:34 | |
and I've see it when I was younger. I've seen Mum's depression. | 1:01:34 | 1:01:38 | |
I've come home from boarding school for the weekend | 1:01:38 | 1:01:41 | |
and Mum's in her pyjamas under her clothes | 1:01:41 | 1:01:43 | |
because she couldn't be bothered to get dressed properly | 1:01:43 | 1:01:46 | |
and she's met me off the bus. | 1:01:46 | 1:01:47 | |
And when she was depressed in London, I didn't know where | 1:01:47 | 1:01:50 | |
home was going to be till we got there and it's a bedsit | 1:01:50 | 1:01:52 | |
in Sutherland Road near the Harrow Road, off Maida Vale. | 1:01:52 | 1:01:56 | |
And... | 1:01:56 | 1:01:58 | |
..I've had to just lump it and get on with my day, weekend, | 1:01:58 | 1:02:02 | |
go back to boarding school. Um... | 1:02:02 | 1:02:05 | |
And Shirin at that time was in Africa. | 1:02:05 | 1:02:08 | |
I don't know whether Shirin went to Africa... | 1:02:08 | 1:02:11 | |
I don't know the motive but I think a lot of the motive is, | 1:02:12 | 1:02:15 | |
the safest place to be is as far away as possible from this...family. | 1:02:15 | 1:02:21 | |
And how long had you suffered from depression? | 1:02:28 | 1:02:31 | |
15 years or so. | 1:02:31 | 1:02:33 | |
Maybe even more. | 1:02:33 | 1:02:35 | |
I did a strange thing called the Landmark Forum. | 1:02:37 | 1:02:40 | |
Tough, very tough, and... | 1:02:41 | 1:02:44 | |
You have to do lots of different things, and at the end, I... | 1:02:45 | 1:02:49 | |
You have to get up on the platform and say who you are. | 1:02:50 | 1:02:54 | |
I said, "Who I am is the possibility of daring, joy and love, | 1:02:54 | 1:02:59 | |
"and I give up being the victim." | 1:02:59 | 1:03:01 | |
And when I said that, I was freed of the depression! | 1:03:01 | 1:03:04 | |
But it was because I said it publicly that I was freed. | 1:03:04 | 1:03:09 | |
Had I said it in here, I wouldn't have been freed. | 1:03:09 | 1:03:12 | |
I did go to the Forum, | 1:03:14 | 1:03:18 | |
which Unity had been to, and... | 1:03:18 | 1:03:23 | |
And that's when she said, "I forgive you," | 1:03:23 | 1:03:27 | |
and I wasn't quite sure in particular what things | 1:03:27 | 1:03:30 | |
she was forgiving or just general forgiveness, | 1:03:30 | 1:03:33 | |
but that was fine, and... | 1:03:33 | 1:03:36 | |
And I thought, "Oh, well, perhaps she no longer wants to reject me." | 1:03:38 | 1:03:45 | |
Reject you? | 1:03:45 | 1:03:47 | |
-Reject you?! -Yes. | 1:03:47 | 1:03:50 | |
-Since when? -Every... | 1:03:50 | 1:03:52 | |
-Well, I did feel rejected, obviously. -Oh, well. Oh, right. | 1:03:52 | 1:03:56 | |
Because I couldn't... | 1:03:56 | 1:03:58 | |
Because I didn't have the nous to understand what was going on. | 1:03:58 | 1:04:04 | |
I think you understood very well. | 1:04:04 | 1:04:06 | |
-Sorry? -I think you understood very well. -No, I did not. | 1:04:06 | 1:04:10 | |
I know you deny it, Shirin, but I think you did. | 1:04:10 | 1:04:12 | |
At some point fairly recently, I think I realised that... | 1:04:57 | 1:05:02 | |
..it was important to forgive... forgive her, and that also, | 1:05:05 | 1:05:12 | |
if I didn't forgive her, I wouldn't be forgiven. | 1:05:12 | 1:05:15 | |
And hope is nothing flimsy-whimsy at all. | 1:05:30 | 1:05:34 | |
Hope is strong and kind | 1:05:34 | 1:05:39 | |
and I hate to disagree with the great poet who wrote, | 1:05:39 | 1:05:45 | |
"Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold..." | 1:05:45 | 1:05:49 | |
I personally believe in a strong centre. | 1:05:51 | 1:05:56 | |
A warm, kind... | 1:05:57 | 1:05:59 | |
..no-nonsense centre. | 1:06:01 | 1:06:03 | |
I do believe that, and I've had nearly 91 years' experience | 1:06:05 | 1:06:11 | |
and I do want to thank you all for coming. | 1:06:11 | 1:06:14 | |
It's just lovely to see you | 1:06:14 | 1:06:17 | |
and now I'm all ready to say hello to everybody. | 1:06:17 | 1:06:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 1:06:22 | 1:06:23 | |
And you're wonderful. And John has been fantastic. | 1:06:23 | 1:06:27 | |
I never thought this day... | 1:06:27 | 1:06:30 | |
Well, I mean, talk about hope... | 1:06:30 | 1:06:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 1:06:32 | 1:06:34 | |
..but I always HOPED it might come, | 1:06:34 | 1:06:37 | |
and it has come. | 1:06:37 | 1:06:39 | |
And I can't say what it means to me, | 1:06:39 | 1:06:45 | |
and to Unity. | 1:06:45 | 1:06:46 | |
When Daddy... | 1:07:56 | 1:07:58 | |
..when his coffin was in Holy Trinity Church, | 1:07:59 | 1:08:04 | |
it was there because the cremation was going to be the next day | 1:08:04 | 1:08:10 | |
and the day after that was going to be the funeral... | 1:08:10 | 1:08:13 | |
-I'm cold! -..and they were rehearsing a nativity play... -I'm cold! | 1:08:13 | 1:08:18 | |
And it was children, | 1:08:18 | 1:08:20 | |
and there were little children dressed as angels, | 1:08:20 | 1:08:25 | |
and one adorable little angel, plump and confident, | 1:08:25 | 1:08:32 | |
and she put her elbow on the coffin. | 1:08:32 | 1:08:36 | |
She was just doing this. | 1:08:36 | 1:08:39 | |
You don't mind, Mummy? | 1:08:39 | 1:08:41 | |
She was just doing this, and... | 1:08:41 | 1:08:44 | |
..I thought how Daddy would have loved to draw that. | 1:08:46 | 1:08:52 | |
There was something brilliant about it. | 1:08:52 | 1:08:55 | |
That's what I wanted to say. | 1:08:59 | 1:09:01 | |
Yeah. Well... | 1:09:06 | 1:09:08 | |
"Writing this letter has been strange. | 1:09:20 | 1:09:23 | |
"I feel as though I am writing to people in general | 1:09:23 | 1:09:27 | |
"rather than to you specifically. | 1:09:27 | 1:09:29 | |
"At the same time, the thought of writing a personal letter to you | 1:09:29 | 1:09:35 | |
"feels almost impossible, | 1:09:35 | 1:09:37 | |
"perhaps because I felt so much grief when you died. | 1:09:37 | 1:09:40 | |
"This lasted a long time in various ways. | 1:09:44 | 1:09:48 | |
"I'm so glad that's far in the past. | 1:09:48 | 1:09:51 | |
"And maybe getting too close would feel unwise... | 1:09:53 | 1:09:57 | |
"..but my love for you, Daddy, is deep and enduring for always, | 1:09:59 | 1:10:04 | |
"as is my love for Mummy. | 1:10:04 | 1:10:07 | |
"If someone told me you were both at the bottom of my road now, | 1:10:07 | 1:10:12 | |
"I would run like the wind to you both and envelop you in my arms | 1:10:12 | 1:10:17 | |
"and hug you and kiss you. | 1:10:17 | 1:10:19 | |
"All I can do now is say goodbye, God be with you, | 1:10:20 | 1:10:25 | |
"and to give lots and lots of love to Mummy and to you | 1:10:25 | 1:10:30 | |
"and to send you your grandson's love... | 1:10:30 | 1:10:33 | |
"..even though he does not know I'm sending it to you. | 1:10:34 | 1:10:38 | |
"This is getting like the ending of some of Beethoven's works, | 1:10:38 | 1:10:43 | |
"where he can't decide how and when to end a piece of music." | 1:10:43 | 1:10:49 | |
MUSIC: Prelude in C Major by Johann Sebastian Bach | 1:10:53 | 1:10:58 | |
It's very strange having Unity in a different place. | 1:13:24 | 1:13:29 | |
What was the last 18 months like? | 1:13:32 | 1:13:36 | |
Wonderful. | 1:13:37 | 1:13:39 | |
Difficult. | 1:13:40 | 1:13:42 | |
At times, sad. | 1:13:42 | 1:13:44 | |
At times, very happy. | 1:13:45 | 1:13:48 | |
But I really felt there's only one Unity and... | 1:13:49 | 1:13:57 | |
..she does it well. But... | 1:13:59 | 1:14:02 | |
I say she wasn't too bad, | 1:14:05 | 1:14:08 | |
and when I say something like that, it just is... | 1:14:08 | 1:14:13 | |
.."I love you, dear." And... | 1:14:13 | 1:14:18 | |
And one knows what I really mean. | 1:14:21 | 1:14:24 |