Jackie Mason On The Road With...

top of the hour. Now it is time for On The Road With... Jackie Mann's -

- On The Road With... Jackie Mason. Jackie Mason is an American stand-

up comedian. 75 years old, he has performed on Broadway, and in front

of the Queen. Ordinarily the more you pay, the more you get, except

in restaurants. But the time it is the most expensive, there is

nothing there. The best restaurants, there is no food. I wanted to get a

sense of him and his comedy. It is something they cannot explain. I

have no idea why something is funny. I spent time with him on the day a

performance at Wyndham's Theatre in the West End. He is doing a

farewell tour of the UK. I meet up with Jackie and a London

apartment. Jackie Mason, a good to see it. Nice to see. Tell me, on

the day of a performance, do you have a routine? Not particularly,,

I am accustomed to doing shows, a dentist does not get panicky when

he picks up a drill. He does not get exactly nervous, he does not

have to have a drink first. No matter what business -- how long

you have been in the business, comedians still have to have and

drink and another drink and talking into the mirror and adjusting the

tide. Be sure it is never perfect enough and the jacket is never

exactly... They are playing with themselves like they never saw

themselves before. Moving their hair back and forward and in and

out, they never look great enough for themselves. You would think if

you were a comedian you would realise that people do not care

what you look like. That is what people do if they had any decency.

You come to a wedding NEC the pride, she has a fancy paraphernalia, she

is walking around like this is the biggest moment in her life. She

says, how do I look? What will you say? I don't know. You look good.

You do look OK. I wouldn't say good, but you look very nice for a person

that looks like you. Only a schmuck would say that. A decent person

would say, you are the most beautiful by they ever saw in my

life. -- beautiful bride. So you don't really get nervous, but do

you get excited? I feel some sense of anticipation and determination

to be a hit. I am thrilled and delighted that I am attracting a

crowd, people want to come and see me and I feel an obligation to be

as good as they can. Let us be honest, I am and entertainer

because of egomania. A need the attention. If I was not an ego

maniac, I would be a plumber working in a toilet. Am I right

that you started life as a rabbi? What happened? I became a rabbi,

and I would tell lot of jokes in my sermons. It could be relevant to

making a serious point. The highlight the. Sometimes with

comedy. -- de claimant the point. - - to highlight. They are trying to

deliberate message, sometimes with comedy you can do it more

effectively. So, I used to use a lot of comedy in my servants.

Alight the significant of the message. -- sermons. A lot of

people set to become a rabbi, you should have been a comedian. People

were talking about how funny that Rabbi was. It is unbelievable how

many Gentiles started to come and hear my sermons? I do not nullify

converted them. I potter had become the only rabbi with the gentile

congregation! I see gentiles and the front -- in the front. I never

saw gentiles in the front. I have been on board a for 40 years and I

never seen gentiles in the front row. They do not care where it is.

We have got money now! Do you eat kosher food? Yes, but I am not a

strictly observant Jew. I do not feel comfortable being a rabbi

because I am not 100% purely perfect in my devotion to Judaism.

I am very proud Jew and editor cake active Jewish traditions and values

and the culture, which I think is beautiful, it teaches you love and

honesty and decency and compassion and highlights all the basic

decencies most essential, moralistic qualities that everyone

should have. Listen to this, I went to the Vatican. When you go to the

Vatican, have you ever been there? People wait hours to be able to get

into the Vatican. What do you see? Nothing that Jews. The gentles are

in line, that Jews are always in front of the line, giving a few

dollars to him, a few dollars to him. The Gentiles are standing and

waiting. Give him too, I will give Hinton, I will give him 20. Making

deals. They always get in there first. Jews never stand in line.

Gentiles were all outside, standing and Stanic. I thought the Vatican

was a Jewish neighbourhood. All I saw were Jews, all over the place.

It looked like a Jewish restaurant. Where does your accent come from?

From the Lower East Side of New York. I was the first of my family

born in America. I was talking Yiddish before I was talking

English. My family came from Poland and Russia, they came to America

and the first three children were born in Russia. I was the first one

born in America, so everyone was talking Yiddish and my family and

in school everybody was talking Yiddish. When I went to secular

schools and spoke English, I still had the accent and I still have it

to this day. Why did you family come to America? To escape

persecution from Russia and Poland. At that time, almost all the Jews

game here has an escape from persecution. What years of we

talking about? 1930, 1933, 1935. Did you ever experience any anti-

Semitism as a boy growing up in America? Yes, I did. There was a

tendency in those days of Christians, disliked Jews. In those

days, they actively hated the Jews. Not all, but a great percentage of

them. Almost everybody was an antique so might at that time. They

looked it chooses people who did not belong, people were low-lifes,

they had an image of Jews as someone who does not belong there.

Even the most cultivated and educated Christians at that time

were anti-Semitic. It was just the way people in those days were anti-

black. A black person could not get a job in any decent Corporation,

neither could be due. Jews were always persecuted. I don't know if

you ever heard about it. But they always manipulate their way around

to see if they could somehow come to something, because Jews were

never allowed in a major economies of the world. Did you know that?

The major corporations in America never hired choose. -- hired Jews.

Nowadays, we own the company. That is one reason why they became

businessmen. They were brilliant at organising and creating their own

businesses, despite everything against them. The whole economy,

the system did not allow the Jews to participate in any way, but they

managed by manipulating and developing their own businesses,

developing their own systems and pots and ideas and inventions and

professions. They managed to -- almost nobody allowed due to become

a doctor, but somehow they got their way in. How did they become

doctors? They couldn't get a medical school. That is what Jews

did, that is why they became doctors. The main reason they

became doctors was to protect themselves from persecution. They

knew they were safe if they became doctors. Who were persecuted Dr?

Coup will walk-in and say, my foot hurts...

Jackie, this machine is for keeping fit? Can't you see by how I am

build? I have to do a lot of exercises. So you really work out?

Off course, that is why I have such a perfect body. How long would you

spend on the Sun and average day? Between 40 minutes and an hour. I

start of slower than I go further and further and harder and harder.

If I get tired I slowed down. I keep challenging myself, because I

think that is the only way to stay fit. Otherwise you have to walk in

the streets. If it is a nice day, I walk in the streets. After the

theatre, we Jackie is going to show me around. -- off to the theatre,

where Jackie is going to show me Nice meeting you. Thank you. Take

care. You are very funny man. you. First stop is Jackie's

dressing room. And this... This is very comfortable and lovely. It

doesn't look like a very beautiful Room, but compared to dressing

rooms in New York, on Broadway, this is a palace. The dressing

rooms on the proper shows, about a third of this size, you have room

for a chair and that is about it. If you turn around, you are outside

the room. Difficult question. Do you think that when you make jokes

about a Jewish husband, to use that as an example, do you think there

is a danger that you are encouraging stereotyping of the

Jews by non-Jews? A I do not think there is any danger of that because

I do not think there is any threat to Jews in this country. In America

or the UK? I do not think there are any threats. Nobody is persecuting

Jews, nobody is threatening Jews. I do not think there is anything

wrong with stereotyping people, comedy is always about stereotyping

people. The characteristics of a people, you make fun of it. That is

what people identify with. Almost all comedy is basically stereotyped.

You could say I am and forcing a stereotype. I am here to tell jokes

that people can't identify with. If I use a stereotype it is funnier. I

do not see anything wrong with stereotypes, there is nothing

offensive about it. If someone uses stereotyping outside of comedy or

sometimes even in comedy, if it is intended to be negative, that could

be dangerous. It could be dangerous, but that kind person does not

become negative because he had the stereotype for me, that can a

person starts with discrimination in his heart in the first place. --

that kind of person. They become prejudiced. It comes from his heart

because he is a prejudiced person who dislikes people, and what I say

we don't say will not make any Once you see say an accountant even

knows you are talking about a Jew. You could tell if it a Jew or

Gentile by profession. It is amazing how people from different

denop nation choose different professions. A guy tells you he is

a coal miner, could he be Jewish? I never heard of it. Once you say

coal miner you know he is a Gentile. A Jew sees a coal mine, he is urgh.

You ever see a sign Irving's coal mine. A coal miner can't be Jewish.

You ever seen a yamulke with a light attached to it? A guy is a

hockey player, could he be Jewish. When sticks are flying round no Jew

gets about. Gentiles love to hit people in the mouth with sticks.

"Hey Clive, ping." Why do you think Jews become dentists? Because

Gentiles play hockey. Every time you see a Gentile with a stick, you

see a Jew with a card. "Here's my card." What creates more

satisfaction than anybody if they go into this business because they

are craving attention in the first place, there is no greater

affirmation than the fact you are a sensation, that you are loved,

appreciated, and that you are the most important guy in the place at

that time. In is, brings back everything you ever wanted in life

in one evening. To be the boss and the star. To be the one so loved

and appreciated that you can't top it. It as if everybody in here in

the place says to themselves "There's nothing greater than this

man," how else could you accomplish this, there is no other form of

appreciation that is come froobl it. How much of the Jackie Mason we see

in the press, on television, in up in articles, how much of that is

really you? And how much is an act? Is any of it is an act. It is all

exactly me. I am blunt, frank and honest about myself and about my

reason for being here and the pleasure I get out of it, it is all

exactly what I feel. I have no pretensions about anything when I

talk about myself. When you are addressing the audience, are you

addressing one person, everyone, how do you do snit. I don't think

of it one person, I can't think of it as one person. I would have to

be blindfolded to think I am talking to one person. I am talking

to everybody, but I talk to them no differently than I would be talking

to them if they there was only one person. I would be talking no

differently if it was one person, I am very personal in the way I

perform. People get insulted when I say that, nobody is happily married.

The truth of the matter when you ask anyone if they are happily

married they can't answer you. It is a fascinating thing. I have

noticed when you ask people the they are happily married they can't

answer you. Isn't that amazing. Say to anybody, you happily married,

you get the same answer. Who knows? All of a sudden every smubg becomes

a flotion fer. What is happiness? Does anybody know? You might think

you are, I could b I might be. It is hard total. I'm not sure, some

people say I can. Is your wife happy, I don't know, I haven't

spoken to her in nine years. When you ask people if they are happily

married most of the I'm they don't answer you. They don't answer you,

they give you a number. They don't realise they are doing it. They do

not answer that question. Because I ask people these questions all the

time. And I get the same answer. They give you a number. They do not

answer the question. Everybody says the same thing. Say are you

happenry married. 29 years. -- happily mar -- married. Only a

marriage and a prison sentence gets a number. Why do they give you a

number? What does it have do with the question. If I said are you

happy with your refrigerator? 12 years. Jackie, what is the meaning

of life? I have no idea what the mean of life s I'm not that

brilliant a floser fer. When I hear people trying to give you the

meaning of life I consider they are wasting their time. It is nonsense

to pretend you have some kind of an answer to that question. Nobody has

an answer, the answer is that you are here, and while you're here

your not thinking of the meaning of life, you're thinking of trying to

enjoy it as much as possible. So whatever the meaning is irrelevant

to me. What do you think happens after death? I don't care. I

doesn't interest me. I feel when I'm not here I won't be here to

notice it, and it won't make any difference because I'm not here and

I won't be feeling anything. If you are feeling nothing and

experiencing nothing, who caring about something you will never feel

or see. What makes something funny Jackie? What makes something funny

is something I can't explain. I have no idea why something is funny.

I never give it a thought why it is funny. I only think of does this

sound funny, or will something of this be fun tkwroi people

listening? Does this situation sound funny to me? If it sounds

funny to me I say to myself it will probably sound funny, so then I try

to write it out in a way that is, that sounds funny to me, that's all

I know. What makes you laugh, Jackie? I don't know. I never

figured that." Never interested me to figure out why something makes

it funny. I don't think, I am not different from anybody else. When

people find it funny they don't try to analyse it. They just find it

funny. Do you think people by and large enjoy having fun made of them,

if it is in a certain context, a certain.... It is in a certain

context, that is not a reflection about some kind of a handicap or

something embarrassing, that is going to embarrass the person, and

create some kind of a personal humiliation, then of course that is

ugly and stupid. I would never do that. My comedy is strictly an

innocent type of come difficult I make fun collectively of people's

behaviour, but not in a way that any one person could start to sit

wondering if I mean him and am I offending him. If you are a normal

person, I could never offend you. I can't account for people who might

It is early evening in the West End Back stage, Jackie is ready to go.

You make anything expensive and fancy and people will imagine they

bought something, they would have bought nothing, they made

themselves uncomfortable. Why do people go to an opera, is there

anybody in this world that enjoys an opera? There is no such human

being. An opera is a fantastic art form, I am not making fun of it but

to claim you enjoy it makes you a lying (BLEEP) because nobody enjoys

it. Nobody enjoys the opera, the kids in the top balcony who are

going to music school, they join it but everybody watching it has no

idea what the (BLEEP) is going on. No yeb what they are watching. Go

to the opera, what do you see, two Gentiles are screaming and 3,000

Jews lost. It is nothing but a bedroom for rich Jew, that is all

it is. They only go to the opera for one reason to come back from

the opera to say I just came back from the opera. I feel culture,

they want you to know how cultured and classy they r they go from

house to house "I just came from the opera." If you asked them what

it was about, they are,'s "I would say it was about two hours." Nobody

joins an opera. If they were honest they would take out the chairs, put

in beds, people are there to sleep. People round us they wouldn't come

with suit, they would come with pyjamas, they came the sleep. I

don't blame them from sleeping. Every opera is the same story.

Sooner or later the same things happens, he stabbed mer the heart

and she starts singing. The more he stabs her the better she sings.

# He stabbed me in the heart, # In the heart he stabbed me

# In the heart, in the heart # Nen he sings too.

# I stabbed her, I stabbed her # In the heart I stabbed her

# In the heart # And the whole chorus joins in

# He stab herd # In the heart, in the heart

# He stab nerd the heart... # APPLAUSE -- stabbed her.

Olympics are coming here. I want to ask a question, do you think it

makes sense do you you should spend hundreds of millions of dollars for

people to go swimming here? If I want to go swimming in your place,

if you have a gym or swimming pool I would pay you for the chance, I

would ask how much would you charge me to swim there? You do it the

opposite way, you entertain them, you rebuild your whole city, new

bridges and tunnels and roads and you spend hundreds of millions of

dollars then you don't get to see the games. Because it is a fact, I

spoke to a lot of people, it's a fact that the dignitys --

dignitarys are getting all the tickets, and you, you are the

taxpayers who made this possible and it is costing you hundreds of

millions of dollars to have them here, who the (BLEEP) needs them