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In Northern Ireland we love our cars. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
Everybody's in a rush. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
More of us choose to drive rather than use public transport to get to work... | 0:00:09 | 0:00:13 | |
HORN BLOWS | 0:00:13 | 0:00:14 | |
..than anywhere else in the UK. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
-Ah! -It's the biggest drive in the country. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
-BOTH: -Ohh! | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
-RADIO: -'And finally in news, | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
'a weather warning for Northern Ireland has been upgraded | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
'as a so-called weather bomb | 0:00:33 | 0:00:34 | |
is set to batter parts of the United Kingdom.' | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
We are in for the depths of winter. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
It's going to be solid soon. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
Brr! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
It's quite cold, isn't it? | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
-Yeah. -It's getting colder. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
Well, the weather forecast said this morning | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
this could be the coldest winter we've had in years. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
Wipe that wee window. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
-Wipe that wee window? -Just with your finger. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
I don't want to get my hands all... | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
SHE SIGHS | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
-The coldest? -The coldest winter we've had in years. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
-This year? -No, in years. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
-This winter is going to be the coldest. -This winter is going to be the coldest one, yeah? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:16 | |
-Yeah. -In years? OK. -Yeah. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
# Shut up and drive, drive, drive | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
# Shut up and drive. # | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
-Big fancy car there, isn't it? -Yes. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
-Comes he can't drive it. -No. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
-That's a wonderful Christmas tree. -Isn't it? -Yeah. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:39 | |
I love that Christmas tree. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
-It's a load of balls. -You're right, it is a load of balls. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
No, I don't mean like that there, I mean...that's all it is. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
# Shut up and drive, drive, drive | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
# Shut up and drive... # | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
The next one is a wreath for Loganberry | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
-on Thursday which I'll need your help with. -Yeah. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
-I believe it's called panettone. -Panettone. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
-Well... -You're not good with the Italian. -I'm not good with the Italian. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:07 | |
I'm not good with the Italian, I can hardly speak the English. BOTH LAUGH | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
You're absolutely... | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
-very good with the Belfast, but. -Very good with the Belfast. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
-Oh, look at that girl in the pink shorts. -Oh, she's going to the gym. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
And an orange... Listen, no matter where you're going, | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
you don't wear a pink short with an orange leg. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-It just doesn't happen. -Well, the young ones like the orange tan. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
-Yes, the tango. -Yes. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
'Sydenham Bypass from Holywood Exchange to...' | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
-Is my make-up all right tor am I a wee bit... -Tangoed? -..tangoed? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:35 | |
-A wee bit orange. -A wee bit orange. -A wee bit orange. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
We'll put a wee bit of lipstick on? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
-In case I'm out to lunch? -Just work away in my make-up bag. -OK. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
I am a wee bit tangoed. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
-My face is tangoed. -Let me see. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
-You have a white ear! -Sure, it'll blend in. It's all right. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
'A yellow warning for both snow and ice remains in place until lunchtime. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
'The wintry showers continue with snow over the Sperrins...' | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
Freezing! BUZZING | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Oh, no! | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
THEY BOTH LAUGH | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
That just sounds a little bit dirty. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:14 | |
Hang on till I turn these off. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
BUZZING | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
You know what I need to do? OK. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
CAT MEOWS | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
Bye-bye, Simone. Down off the car. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
Nina, will you count to ten and | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Simone will get off the car. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
One... He's on the car when we're removing! | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
-SHE GASPS -Silly pussycat! | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
CAT MEOWS | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
-Did you ever see my stars of Slimming World? -No. -Look at them. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
You lose your half-stone, | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
your stone and then your 10%. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Then you hit your target. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
-So... -And then you drink hot chocolates? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Aye, but it's only once a week. A wee treat. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
A wee treat. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
'While we make our best efforts | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
'to maintain the roads | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
'and keep them clear of snow and ice | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
'You know, we have to drive according to the conditions.' | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
IN POLISH: | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
Worst cars you'll ever see, Alfa Romeo. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
You can't even get the parts for it any more. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
-That and Saab. -Huh? -Saab. -Saab? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
-Yeah. -What do you mean, Saab? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
You can't get parts for Saabs any more. They went out years ago. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
-What's a Saab? -A car. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
S-A-A-B. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
Never seen one before in my life. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
-A Saab car? -Saab. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
-You can go now. -Like a sabre-tooth tiger Saab or something? | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Aye, if you want. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
I've never seen one. You've Audi, BMW... | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
-Your Posh. -Posh? You've got... | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
-I meant to say... -That a new posh car, is it? | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
No, I meant to say Porsche. Porsche. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
-Porsche. -Oh, aye. -But what's a Saab? -A Saab's a car, Joe. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
It has four wheels and it moves forwards and backwards. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
Here comes another car down the bus lane. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
-See, another one. Down the bus lane. -Yeah, I see them. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
These bus lanes are a pain in the butt in the mornings. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
I know why they use them, | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
but...you watch how many cars drive down here just to turn right. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:43 | |
Look at them all driving down the bus lane again. It's crazy! | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
IN POLISH: | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 0:06:05 | 0:06:06 | |
-Oh, oh, oh! -I think he nearly... | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
-What an idiot! -Uh-huh. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
HORN BLOWS | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
What a stupid woman. She pulls out of there in front of me | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
-to turn there across traffic. -Don't worry about it. -It's stupid! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:23 | |
It's just ignorance, it really is. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
Total ignorance. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
-Look at this! -Ohh! | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
HORN BLOWS What?! | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
It's all right, the passenger's waving, he knows what's going on. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Nobody else does like. Inside lane. Look where he is now. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
He's going round the roundabout like a 50p. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
Huh? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
That's what you're up against. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:49 | |
The police pulled me in the other day on the motorway, I was doing 95. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:55 | |
And they said to me, "Sir, you were doing 95mph on a motorway, have you an excuse?" I said, "Yes." | 0:06:55 | 0:07:00 | |
I says, "My wife ran off with a policeman last week | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
"and I thought that was him bringing her back." | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
Only joking. Only joking. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Hello, boys. Buy me a Christmas present this year. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
It's all right, you've got a couple of Christmas parties beforehand, | 0:07:11 | 0:07:15 | |
so you'll be able to get a boy for Christmas. Don't worry. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
Maybe Santa'll bring me a nice one. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
That's it. He'll be wrapped up under the tree for you. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
-With a mankini on. -Oh, God! | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
-"Merry Christmas!" -Sounds like my ex. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
Oh, my gosh! | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
# Just hear those sleigh bells jingling | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
# Ring-ting-tingling too... # | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Ready? Red light stop, green light...? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
-Go! -Good girl! | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
-Can he pull out of the pit? -And he's got out the first time! | 0:07:47 | 0:07:51 | |
# Come on, its lovely weather | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
# For a sleigh ride together with you. # | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
-Morning! -Hiya. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
-Put your seat belt on. -It's on. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Oh, so it is. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
-Uh-oh! -What? -This isn't a good idea in the car. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:14 | |
Geez! That sounds bad. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
What? | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
All right, mate, don't worry about that car coming. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
You just take over and break the rules of the road there. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
Yep, well done. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
-Did you see Strictly? -Yep. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
"Hello!" | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
Who's that an impression of? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
-That's terrible. -Barry Manilow. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Morning! | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
# It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. # | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
Morning, Booby. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
Oh, Betty, can you please do my eyebrows today? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
-Didn't your boyfriend say to you about your eyebrows? -What boyfriend? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
-Hey! -LAUGHTER | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
-Sorry. -Touchy subject, Betty. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:19 | |
We need to find her a boyfriend. A boy for Christmas now, all right? | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
ENGINE NOISE DROWNS OUT CHATTER | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Some people are just maniacs. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Give you some of that there! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
ALL LAUGH | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
You wee menace, you! You wee twerp! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
No, I...I would like to be 19 again. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
It's like you kind of just find yourself a little bit at 19. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
-Do you reckon? No. -Yeah. Yeah, defo. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
No, wait till you get into your 30s, | 0:09:47 | 0:09:48 | |
you have the best, like, sex drive ever. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
No, definitely not. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
'Our top story this morning. A patient at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast | 0:09:53 | 0:09:57 | |
'is waiting to find out if they have Ebola. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
'Tests are being carried out for the deadly virus after the person returned from West Africa. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:03 | |
'Our chief reporter, Jordan Motes, has been following the story.' | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
Just wait to this wee sheep gets out of there. Baa! | 0:10:06 | 0:10:11 | |
Oh, all over the car. All over the car! Oh, well. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
'Test results are expected this afternoon on a patient | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
'at the Royal Victoria Hospital who's being tested for the Ebola virus.' | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
Did I tell you what Gemma said about Ebola? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
-Ebola? -Ebolio, you normally say. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Her and Stephanie were standing talking in work a couple of weeks ago | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
and Stephanie mentioned something about zombies, right? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Gemma put two and two together and was telling her clients | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
that whenever you have Ebola you turn into a zombie | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
and that's how everybody gets Ebola. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
# It's Christmas time | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
THEY SING ALONG # There's no need to be afraid | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
# At Christmas time | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
# We let in light and we banish shade... # | 0:10:51 | 0:10:56 | |
Who's this fella does this song, something about Christmas? | 0:10:56 | 0:11:00 | |
About Ebola? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
-No, I haven't heard it. -Right, he wants people first of all | 0:11:03 | 0:11:07 | |
to...download a song, listen to it, | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
delete it, download it... | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
listen to it, delete it. So it's bought more times, right? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:18 | |
Sure, that's impossible to do, because once it's bought and you've deleted it, | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
-it just lets you re-download it. -That's what I thought. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
-Who's that fella called? -Bob Geldof? -Bob Geldof. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:28 | |
He's an absolute muppet! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
'And, finally, Justin Bieber is the highest earning celebrity under 30 years old. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
'The singer has beaten One Direction to the top spot after earning | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
'£50 million in the past year.' | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
See, that's obscene now. I would disagree with that. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
They get the money and the power and then they go on to | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
-the oul' wacky baccy or whatever they call it. -Aye. -Drugs. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
Sure, he thinks he's invincible. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Aye, well, so did Michael Jackson and a whole lot of other ones. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:57 | |
Oh, Justin Bieber, he is a muppet. He's a bigger muppet. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
-He is a muppet. -There's that many muppets in the world now | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
that they could bring the Muppet Show back again with all different real-life characters. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:06 | |
Bob Geldof, Justin Bieber. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
Absolute muppets! | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
-'Also expect delays this morning on the Westlink...' -Yes, yes, yes! | 0:12:12 | 0:12:17 | |
-It's a lovely, bright day. Oh, look! -Oh, my goodness! -Goodness me! | 0:12:17 | 0:12:21 | |
And you're in the wrong lane. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
-Oh, my goodness! -Now, you see, if you have messed this up this morning, | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
-you are in big trouble. -I know. Look at that! | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
You see, they're all going to the Boucher Road for the bargains. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:34 | |
-Ach, look at him letting us in. -People with young children. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
-He's as good as gold. -Give him a wee... | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
-Whoo-hoo! Thank you. -Thank you very much. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
-That was awfully good of him. -You get the odd one wouldn't let you in. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
-And they get a toot. -Uh-uh... SHE MIMICS A CAR HORN | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
-Or a very nasty look from you because you're good at the nasty look. -Yes. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
Very often you don't even have to toot, | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
-you can just look at them like... -Uh-huh. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
Oh! Look at that big truck! | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
It's going that way. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
Yes, it is. And it's very big and very slow. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Yes, it's going slow. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
'One more story this hour. And a Belfast woman has collected nearly £13 million | 0:13:13 | 0:13:18 | |
'in the Euro Millions lottery. Mary Hamilton, who is 65...' | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
12.9 million! I don't know, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
I think I would try and help South Africa with that, | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
what you call it, Ebolia or Ebolion? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
-BOTH LAUGH Ebola. -Ebola. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
-And then I would buy a big house. -What would you buy me? | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
I'd buy you a wee... | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
I don't like the word wee there, so...think again. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:40 | |
I'd hand you £100 and tell you don't be going too mad in town. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:45 | |
Hold on. If you won 12.9 million, you'd hand me £100?! | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
All right, splash out, 120, then. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
120. Just don't go too mental when you're out. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
'Travelling into Belfast, just the usual delays, | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
'the M1 is busy from Blaris to Black's Road | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
'the M2 from Sandyknowes towards Nelson Street, | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
'and the Sydenham Bypass from...' | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
-All right, mate. -Are you going that slow? | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
No, I'm just keeping to my limits. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
Trying to be later for work, you know. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
SATNAV GIVES DIRECTIONS IN POLISH | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
And they wonder why people are obese in this country. Look at that guy. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
-There's a bad red coat. -Ach, no... -It's a bad red coat. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:55 | |
It's trying to be velvet but not quite. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
-Well, do you know it's Christmas? -Nearly a nylon velvet. -It is Christmas now. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
-It is Christmas. -Does that mean we have to be nicer? -Yes, it does. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
'If you're travelling into Belfast | 0:15:06 | 0:15:07 | |
'traffic is slow on the M1 all the way in from Lisburn, | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
'on the Sydenham Bypass from Tillysburn, | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
'on the M2 from the hill section above Greencastle, | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
'and the A2 Shore Road from Carrickfergus...' | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
See on Christmas morning and they show the Christmas Santa Claus? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:21 | |
-The Santa Claus. -Uh-huh. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:22 | |
With Dudley Moore. That's when you know it's Christmas. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
Every Christmas morning, get up, | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
-maybe a coffee with a bit of brandy in it or something. -Oh, yes. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:31 | |
A wee ham and turkey sandwich with brown sauce... | 0:15:31 | 0:15:35 | |
Just you saying Santa Claus, spell Santa Claus for me. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
-It's not a trick question, just spell it. -Santa Claus? -Santa Claus. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
-Santa Claus? -Yeah. Spell it. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
Santa is SA-NT-A. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:45 | |
Right, spell Claus. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
Claus is S-A... S-L-A-U-S-E. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:51 | |
Clause? Where you getting the S from in Clause? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
-Santa Claus. -Then, why are you saying S? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
-There's an S in it. -Aye, not to start, though, it's a C. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:03 | |
-I said C. -You said S. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
At the start of the Claus? | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
Yeah, it starts with Claus and you started with an S. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
-Claus. -Cl.... Cl... C! | 0:16:13 | 0:16:17 | |
The girl in Slimming World about, ach, 12 weeks ago, | 0:16:17 | 0:16:21 | |
she was doing a wee talk to us. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
She said, "If everybody loses one pound of weight | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
"between now and Christmas, you'll have lost a stone. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:30 | |
"You'll have went down a dress size." | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
I said, "That's no use to me." She said, "What do you mean?" | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
I said, "Well, I don't wear dresses for one. And two, I do Santa. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:40 | |
"And I have never seen a skinny Santa yet." | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
-Look at that dress over there. It's gorgeous. -Ho-ho-ho! | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
-Look, there's Santa! -Oh, my God! -She has the same outfit as me. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
-I said Santa. S-A-N-T-A. -S-C... -No, I said C. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:59 | |
No, you said S-C. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:00 | |
-C-L-A-U-S-E. -No, see, you're spelling it wrong. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:05 | |
See, you are spelling Santa Claus as in the movie The Santa Clause. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:10 | |
But Santa Claus is C-L-A-U-S. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:14 | |
-C-A-U... -No. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
Clause. C-L-A-U-S. There's no E. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
There's another call in, Santa Claus. Since I lost all the weight | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
I have to wear two suits. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
You know the suit I had last year? | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
I put it on below, then I got a new coat out of Elliott's, | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
a big, long, full length one. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Tractors, get off the road! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
There's young TR Actor, boy! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
That wee John Deere, that green one. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Imagine if he took a blindside! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
Tractors... | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Why? Seriously, why do you have tractors on the road | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
this time of the morning? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
If I got in some kind of power I would be looking at that. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
That would be the first thing I'd be looking at. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
-What, clause? -No, tractors. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:13 | |
-Tractors. -There'd be a few clauses in it as well, | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
-but there'd be tractors off... -How do you spell the clause that's in a law? | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
I don't know. Whatever. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
It's probably the E on the end, is it? Yeah? | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
-Look, look. -Uh-huh. -Look, look. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
-Overtaking. Overtaking. -No, butting out, not overtaking. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
Just putting your big nose out. This is what happens. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
-People get angry in the morning, but not us. -Not us. -Not us. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
There's no point in angry. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Santa's Cottage. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:56 | |
Is that with an E? | 0:18:58 | 0:18:59 | |
Santa Cottage, it's not even the real Santa Cottage. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
Oh, gee! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
HORNS BEEP | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
Sure, we'll just drive... | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
I'll get ye, I'll kill ye. I swear. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
Must be stupid pills being taken this morning. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
# Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... # | 0:19:22 | 0:19:28 | |
-I am starving, I could eat the leg of a horse now. -So am I. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:35 | |
-Do you know what I am really looking forward to? -What? -Christmas dinner. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:40 | |
I love my Christmas dinner. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
-My mammy always does, like, 14,000 selections of meat. -Mm. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:46 | |
So, are you going to have a...tur...turkey? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:51 | |
-What's it called? -They'll have a traditional Christmas dinner. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
They will have traditional Christmas dinner. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
Is called a turkey...? | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
-A traditional Christmas...? -No. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
It's called a traditional Christmas dinner. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:04 | |
Right? Which is turkey. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
Well, Christmas dinner. Is it sorted? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
-Well, the turkey is ordered anyway, so it is. -You get the same? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
-Oh, aye. -Good lad. I like you getting a turkey. Do you know why? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
-You don't have to pay for that. -I don't have to pay for it. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:19 | |
I just eat it. I love the turkey, | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
I love the ham, I love roast spuds and I love... | 0:20:21 | 0:20:25 | |
You won't be able to get... | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
-You'll have to have half portions. -No half portions. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
No, no, no. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
-No, no, no, no. -I'll eat your pavlova for you. I'll have two bits. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
No, I'm eating my own pavlova. I can eat it myself. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
We don't have turkey in China. We never, never have turkey... | 0:20:38 | 0:20:45 | |
-..at our dining table. -Yeah. -Never. Make roasted Peking duck... -Yeah. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:54 | |
-..for our Christmas. So we are not going to have turkey. -Yeah. | 0:20:56 | 0:21:00 | |
That's up to you. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
No sprouts. I hate sprouts. I hate them. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
I work with them all year. I hate looking at them. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
-I'm not going to eat them. No sprouts. -I love them. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
-You like the sprouts? -It's the profit from them I love. -It's the profit from them you love. Right. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:19 | |
-Everybody but John... -My John hates them. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
..ate the Brussels sprouts. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
-I love Brussels sprouts. -They were really nice. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
-Love the Brussels sprouts. -Do you? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
I could eat Brussels sprouts from now to... | 0:21:28 | 0:21:29 | |
Just as well you spend Christmas Day on your own. That's all I'm saying. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
What is it Leo says? They're like a tasty fart. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:37 | |
Do you remember he said that at Christmas dinner last year? | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
"Oh, Nana, thanks for these. They're delicious. Like a tasty fart." | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
IN POLISH: | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
You're having two Christmas dinners this year? That's even better. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
Are yous going to put the weight on? | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
Just asking a general question. Go. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:15 | |
-Not funny. -Should I be quiet? -Yes. -Should I say no more? -No. -OK. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
-Digging a big hole. -Digging a big hole. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
Absolutely digging a big hole. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
It's great because you'll sit down to everything massive, | 0:22:24 | 0:22:28 | |
piled high, covered in butter, swimming in butter, | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
and you'll scarf it and I'll be sitting there with a lettuce leaf | 0:22:30 | 0:22:34 | |
and the rice and it'll still go on my arse. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
# I want a hippopotamus for Christmas | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
# Only hippopotamus will do | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
# I don't want a something A rhinoceroses | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
# I only want "hippopotamuseses" | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
# Hippopotamuses love me do. # | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
Do you remember you were singing Jingle Bells? | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
# Jingle bells, jingle bells all the way | 0:22:59 | 0:23:03 | |
# What fun we had | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
# Jingle bells, jingle bells on our sleigh. # | 0:23:05 | 0:23:09 | |
# Making spirits bright | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
# What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight... # | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
SHE HUMS A TUNE | 0:23:16 | 0:23:17 | |
Yeah. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:19 | |
-I haven't heard that for a while. -That's a bit of a Christmas number. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
-It is, actually. -Yes, you hear that at Christmas. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
-I'm trying to think what I want for Christmas. -What about your birthday? | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
What would you like for your birthday tomorrow? | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
-I don't really want anything for my birthday. -Well, you do. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
-I don't like remembering birthdays. -I think that's really miserable. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
Uh-huh. I'm turning 40. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Yeah. In your dreams. That lady said yesterday indeed I looked 21. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
Yes, she did. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
"You couldn't have a daughter of 21. You look no more than 21 yourself." | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
No. She had a Ballymena accent. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
-And I'm going to Ballymena today. -You are. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
-Brookshane? -Broughshane. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:53 | |
-Broughshane. -Brookshane(!) -Is that outside Ballymena? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:57 | |
If you pull into a garage and say... | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
-POSH ACCENT: -"Hello, can you tell me the way to Brookshane?" | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
-They'll be saying, "Get out o' here, love." -I like the Ballymena accent. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:05 | |
-ON RADIO: -'What's the commute like, Anne?' | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
'As Cecilia was saying, black ice has been reported...' | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
-Look at this here. -Plain sailing here. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
And it's down into the final corner here. Lewis Hamilton... | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
Oh, no, no, no. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
You got caught. Oh, he's away on. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:24 | |
Look at this idiot on the bike. Look, look, look. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
Crossing a pelican crossing on a push-bike. And no green man. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:34 | |
Look, love, I'll give you one-time offer. Do you want to take it? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:38 | |
It isn't Deal or no Deal. You don't get several offers. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
-You only get the one. -Would you like to go past now or never? -Come on. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:45 | |
-No worries, love. You have a lovely... -No, no, you go that way. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
-That way, not that way. -Have a lovely day(!) | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
CLATTER | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
Ooh! | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
She clipped him. She clipped him. You can see it. Look at the paint. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:59 | |
# I don't want a lot for Christmas | 0:24:59 | 0:25:05 | |
# There is just one thing I need | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
# I don't care about the presents | 0:25:09 | 0:25:13 | |
# Underneath the Christmas tree... # | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
-What's the kids getting? -Charlie wants a new phone, so... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
-I suppose it'll be an iPhone 6 or something. -Aye. Yeah. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
See when I was a child, an apple, an orange and maybe a chocolate bar | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
in a sock hanging at the end of the bed. | 0:25:27 | 0:25:31 | |
I remember one Christmas, | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
we got caps, guns and caps. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:37 | |
I'd say in the first 20 minutes the caps were all done. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
I'm sure my mummy was glad, like. Half five in the morning. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:44 | |
That was so funny, that year. Dad is such a prat. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
"Here, I got you a present." Open it up. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
An adapter, power surge adapter plug. Have you ever in all your life...? | 0:25:50 | 0:25:54 | |
-That was funny. -"Thanks, Dad(!)" | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
So what do you want for Christmas? | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
I'd really like a new power surge adapter. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
-Oh, what did I forget to do? -Oh, my goodness, what? | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
-My advent calendar. -Ah, you forgot the advent calendar. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
That's no problem. That's perfect, thank you. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
-BOTH: -# It's a time for giving | 0:26:18 | 0:26:20 | |
# A time for receiving. # | 0:26:20 | 0:26:22 | |
"A time for getting." | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
-OK. You see, I am into the receiving. -I know you are. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:27 | |
-It's all about me. -You love the receiving. -Of course I do. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:32 | |
"My name is Catherine and I love the receiving!" | 0:26:32 | 0:26:36 | |
You're a receiver. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
Actually if you admitted to being a receiver... | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
-# Christmas time -Silent night | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
-# Mistletoe and Wine -Holy night | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
# Children singing... # | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
-You absolutely love yourself. -I don't love myself like that. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
-You do a wee bit. -Not that bad looking, I don't think. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
-You're gorgeous. -Why don't we just not go into work, | 0:26:57 | 0:27:00 | |
we'll go to the Hudson, we'll have a nice pint, or...? | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
We've got to go to Starbucks and have a Christmas coffee. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
-In the red cups. -In the red cups. -In the red cups. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:09 | |
-I'm looking forward to Christmas. -I'm looking forward to Christmas. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:15 | |
By the way, I booked the chef and manager in Newtownards for us | 0:27:19 | 0:27:23 | |
for New Year's Eve. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
-Right, OK. -Just the family. -And you're paying? | 0:27:25 | 0:27:29 | |
I didn't say I was paying. I booked it. I didn't say I was paying. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:33 | |
I'd maybe go halfers with you. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:27:35 | 0:27:36 | |
She looks like she's in her pyjamas. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
-She IS in her pyjamas. -Oh, my God. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
# Do they know it's Christmas time at all? # | 0:27:42 | 0:27:46 | |
Back to start the day, effectively. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
Back to start the day. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:50 | |
-With all our stuff. -Yes. -All our stuff. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:54 | |
OK. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
I won't muck your make-up up. I'll see you later. Watch that car coming. | 0:27:56 | 0:28:00 | |
There's your bag. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
Look who's in your bag! | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
-Santa. -Hi, Santa. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:06 | |
We'll just park in here. That's fine. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
HE YAWNS | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
Do you want to just go home? | 0:28:16 | 0:28:18 | |
Yeah, will we? | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
-Yeah. -OK, home. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:21 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
CAR LOCKS | 0:28:41 | 0:28:42 |