Episode 1 The Commute

Ah, the morning routine -

a couple of hours that brings half a million of us out

and onto Northern Ireland's roads.

It's rarely the highlight of anyone's day...

Another day, another dollar.

Another day, another tuppence ha'penny.

Ready for another day in paradise?

It can bring out the best in some...

You had a row with her last night

and the best part of having a row is the making up.

..the worst in others...

Oh, come on, mister, come on!

..and, occasionally, the downright bizarre.

"I have something to say to the American people here today."

HE BARKS

So, buckle up, everyone, as we take you on the commute.

THEY SCREAM

MUSIC: Work by Rihanna

# Just get ready fi...

# Work, work, work, work, work, work

# He say me have to

# Work, work, work work, work, work!

# He see me do me

# Dirt, dirt, dirt dirt, dirt, dirt!

# Work, work, work work, work, work. #

What sort of song is that? "Work, work, work"?

Who wants to go to work?

Oh, I could sleep for a week.

HE YAWNS

I'm just not in the routine, to be honest.

I know, like, getting up early again.

It's back to the daily grind for our commuters

and, for our schools, the end of eight weeks off.

But, in Carrickfergus, Angelica and her children are worried

that two months off in the summer could be a thing of the past.

They're cutting the holidays? Yeah.

Yeah, I heard that...

Are you actually trying to kill me?

And also, they're also trying to make the school days longer.

Heck!

Excuse me, we work our bums off for, like, six hours straight,

then they give us homework to do all night.

I know, it's like... Why would they make it longer?

Like, why can't school just start at one in the afternoon

and end at three?

Would you like that? Staying in school a wee bit longer?

Are you joking? Are you actually joking right now?

She'd love that. Ah, when yous are out working, you'll be saying,

"School was the best day of my life." I doubt it, Mum.

"We would give our left arm to get back into school again."

No stress, no bills... School is stressful!

No stress... It is stressful.

Mum, school is stressful. Compared to real life? Yeah.

I would like to go like England - six weeks, a week off,

six weeks, a week off.

I would cope with that, but not longer school hours, definitely not.

How many people would walk out of the job if you made it shorter?

Sure, in England, it's shorter, nobody's left there.

I used to teach in England. It was six weeks.

Did they understand you?!

Teachers are lovely people, but, you know, they get it handy.

Nine weeks in the summer, mid-term, half-term, Christmas...

So, you'd be ending up, what?

Four, five months in the year?

Ah, but I guarantee you teachers complain about that.

Listen, I don't care what anybody says,

the amount of work that we do, totally in downtime,

as everybody would say, out the door at 3:30, you know,

I know what's done outside school.

We need the holidays, I'll tell you that.

Nothing worse than schoolteachers -

all you hear is, "Oh, work, work, work,"

and every five minutes they're on holidays.

It's a very stressful job but, for you, it's just unbelievable.

You need to be a social worker and everything else

when you're in schools nowadays.

It's not just about teaching anyone, it's a nightmare for some people.

It's so busy.

I was talking to a teacher and they were more or less saying

that they felt they needed six months off in the year

because of the stress.

On the road to Ballycastle High School,

English teacher Michael is dealing with a stressful issue.

How is it, that whenever you go to the sock basket,

it's impossible to find a pair of socks? You've got a sock basket?

You have a basket... Sock basket? ..for socks?

What is a sock basket? This is like one of those...

not wicker thing - plastic, purple basket - and into it go me smalls.

I wouldn't have enough space in my room to put a sock basket.

A sock basket, eh?

I have it in the side room, in the built-in walk-in wardrobe,

off of the West Wing. Of course I do(!)

It's a basket! How much room, you know...?

You don't need to take up a lot of room!

Aye, and they call themselves smart, you know what I mean?

Yeah, definitely not.

# I live my day as if it was the last

# Live my day as if there was no past

# Doin' it all night, all summer

# Doin' it the way I wanna... #

Considering we spend an average of 164 hours a year commuting,

it's no surprise that frustration can sometimes kick in.

Aah!

What is going on here? This is ridiculous!

Whoa, what's that all about?!

THEY SCREAM

SHE LAUGHS

I just ran over a seagull!

Come on, come on!

Let us in, big lad.

There you go, there you go.

He was thinking and thinking about it,

I don't know what the hell he was doing.

He didn't want to take a chance.

He probably knows we're two gays.

Well, you are, anyway.

Well, the way you're sitting with your hands, I'm not surprised.

I'm trying to hold my stomach in.

I know I talk about this every Monday morning,

but I really, seriously need to do something with my stomach.

It's estimated that almost a quarter of us

are constantly trying to lose some weight

and it's got Belfast brother and sister

Bellal and Arousa talking diets.

There's all this stuff like Atkins diet - what happened to that?

Do people still do that? The GI diet... Do you think that...?

Is it called Commando diet?

It's, like, nine boiled eggs,

so you have three boiled eggs for breakfast,

three boiled eggs for lunch and three boiled eggs for dinner.

Bellal, I'd crack a window open if I were you, man.

A lot of people are interested in that 3:2 diet,

which is kind of a bit like fasting for us, you know?

It's difficult, Ramadan, but it's so enjoyable.

Yeah. You just can't believe that your body can actually do it.

I just really need to get rid of my belly.

This is the first day of my diet -

the very first day that I'm going to try and lose some weight.

Every Monday, in our house, there's a new diet. Yeah.

Starting Monday. Start on Monday. Start on Monday.

It's Tuesday, and we're like, "Oh, not here.

"I'll just wait till Monday." Yeah, just wait till Monday.

Laura's 19 and I'm still losing my baby fat.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, my God!

What's in that bag of yours?

Sounds like...baubles or something. A box of Revels...

for me dad. Oh, aye, surely(!)

It's only a box of Revels! A box?!

They say they're low in fat.

Well, do you not think that was good that I done yesterday?

Cos I bought them Good For You low-fat rice cakes.

No, them things are stinking.

But then did you not see the two packets of crisps I bought?!

And you bought two big, massive bags.

Well, I couldn't decide

whether to get salt and vinegar or cracked black pepper,

so I thought I'd just get both.

But you buy a slimming thing in one hand,

and then you buy that - two big bags of crisps - in the other.

I know, but it doesn't say I'm going to eat them.

I'll eat the slimming things and just leave them.

Aye, you will. That's just in case visitors come in.

And you'll give them a bag of crisps?

Well, nibbles.

You know the way you always talk about nibbles.

In Belfast, Arousa is over-sharing her experiences of Ramadan.

You know when we're fasting, right?

Yeah. I sometimes fall asleep on the bog.

Mm... What...? Do you do that? No!

You know, when you're like... You filthy animal.

Like, when someone gets you up, right, for, like, suhur,

and when you're fasting - you went to bed at 12:30,

and you're up again at, like, 1:45 to eat... Mm-hm.

..and then you're sitting there, and you're like...

and then you just fall asleep, until someone knocks and goes,

"What are you doing? Get out of the bathroom."

Apparently, bars of Aero chocolate,

you can eat as many of them as you want

because there's holes in it!

I mean, for chocolate... How many bars of chocolate do you want?

If you think about it, if you pick up an Aero bar,

it is lighter than a Mars bar.

It's the number of calories and the amount of fat in it, genius.

Eh? Jesus! What?

It is lighter!

You stand in Tesco's, "Which cream trifle should I have?"

"Can I have a whole Pavlova cos it's really light, so it is."

Thanks, lads. Thanks for your support.

MUSIC: Sissyneck by Beck

Do you know, I've got an app on my phone, right? Right.

That if I'm going to buy something,

I wave my phone in front of it

and it tells me how many sugar cubes per spoonful -

and it's quite frightening, it really is.

There you are, you see? You're frightened by the information

the government is giving you! You see? They're scaremongering.

What I'm saying is, it's not that you want to eat this,

it's just the trouble with, "Oh, right to choose, right to choose".

You should have the right to choose that this is what...

You get the information, OK, but if you choose to do this,

you know, well, then, that's fine.

There was one thing that I was buying,

OK, I can't remember what it was,

and it had something like 32 sugar cubes in the box.

Yeah, but maybe you only have those 32 sugar cubes once a month.

I nearly had a heart attack.

Everything in moderation.

Obviously, I've been getting it wrong for years.

It doesn't show.

I think at the same time... RINGTONE: # ..move it

# I like to move it, move it

# I like to move it, move it you like to... #

You should take some advice from your ringtone!

Still eating two bags of crisps a day, Tommy?

Aye, I eat two packets of crisps a day, that's right.

That'll catch up on you, Thomas!

Yeah. Sure, look at you already -

you've put on a stone of weight, nearly,

from last year. Crisps, crisps...

You are what you eat, boys.

You contradict yourself because you sit in work

and you go, "I'm on the granary bread."

And you go home at night and come in the next day, and what do you say?

"Oh, I fancied a Chinese last night, so I had a Chinese

"and I had a big bag of them potato crisps,

"and I sat and watched a movie."

Once a month I treat myself to something like that. Once a month?

Every bloody week!

I'm focused... You're not playing football any more,

your career's finished.

Players only start... You told us ages ago

you were going to win a championship medal -

you haven't even won a bloody medal.

When was the last time you played, lad?

When was the last time you played? That's right, that's right.

A week before Amsterdam. That was two months ago.

You were a sub, and the boy held you by the throat down on the ground

because you gave him a lot of abuse along the line.

Well, the other thing they had was talking about colonics.

Is that where you go on holiday? No, is that not like a full stop?

One of those sort of strange full stops, in English, you know?

Semi colonic!

What's a colonic?

Well, when you stick a pole up your bum, basically. A pole?

A pole? A pole!

A pipe! A pipe, or a pole?

Is it a flagpole? How does that make you lose weight?

No, I'm not saying it makes you lose weight,

I'm just talking about the health idea behind it. The benefits.

Just the benefits. Help you clear you out.

Would you not be better with a dose of MoviPrep?

It's a sort of thing the people on the Malone Road do in Belfast.

I know, I know. Not for North Antrim, like.

You'll find that your mouth is full most of the time...

It pretty much is, yeah. ..with a coconut finger, or...

It's been a while since we've had all of that.

We haven't had a coconut finger for such a long time.

We always have the coconut fingers when it's Mother's Day

or Valentine's Day, or weddings... Yes. ..and we're really hungry,

and then we have the coconut fingers,

and everybody in work goes, "Oh, don't be getting me one.

"I'm not eating anything"

SHE SNORTS Mm.

What about Stephen Nolan and this diet?

What diet? What diet's he on now?

Well, he eats these crisps, Sensations onion bhajis -

instead of eating the crisps...

Onion bhajis?! ..he's been licking the crisps!

I actually think that's a very good idea

because if you're looking for a bag - you know, if you're saying,

"Oh, I could love a bag of crisps,"

it's not for the fact of the matter, eating the crisps...

Aye. Just lick them. It's the taste of them

and the taste is on the surface.

Licking your turkey dinner, then.

I'll not eat it, I'll just lick it and put it back on the plate.

What does he do? Does he put them back into the bag?

What's he doing with them?

Throwing them away? He must be putting them back in the bag

and then passing them on to Vinny.

From licking crisps in Moneymore to Joe in Newcastle,

who thinks he's got the whole weight-loss thing licked.

I'm in intensive training.

I want something with chicken in it,

just a chicken burger and fries. I don't want the lettuce,

but could I get the mayo and the cheese, please? 'OK.'

And the chips with that, as well. 'Yeah, no problem.'

I'll take a Coke, please. 'Coke.'

It makes sense. If you consume X amount of calories,

and burn off higher X amount of calories,

you're going to lose weight, end of.

Can I get an additional chips with that, there?

And see those wee...

Do you do those wee cheese things,

with the cheese inside the breadcrumbs?

'Oh, yeah, cheese dippers?' Aye, cheese dippers.

I'll go for that, yeah. 'OK.'

That's everything.

At the end of the day, if you are...

..burning off more...than you eat, no matter what you're eating...

you're going to lose weight.

Why can I never have a good addiction?

I'd like to be addicted to sticking to a diet, just...

if I'm honest!

# I am what I am

# And what I am

# Needs no excuses! #

That's my theme tune.

At the end of the day, you just have to change your lifestyle.

Eat a wee bit less and try to exercise a bit more.

You sound like Mr Motivator, there.

No matter how good our diet or exercise regime,

when it comes to our health, we all need the NHS.

Joe in Newcastle is kicking this one off.

Have you ever tried phoning the doctor's?

You mean, have you ever tried taking a quiz with the receptionist?

If you phone the doctor, you're phoning him for a reason

and I'll tell you what the reason is. Are you ready for it?

Right. You're sick.

You want the person who answers the call to make you an appointment.

Once you get to the doctor, they're fine. It's getting to them.

I could one phone call and speak to somebody in the White House.

To get to speak to my own doctor,

I have to give make three or four phone calls,

and then wait on a call back,

then wait a few weeks to see him. Then you go

and he says, "What's wrong with you?"

I say, "Well, two weeks ago, this happened to me..."

"I'm all right now, thanks."

"..but I'm all right now, thanks very much."

I was talking to somebody the other day

and there were telling me that they had...

..a worrying problem.

I'm not going to say what it is, but it was a worry,

and they went to the doctor... Yes.

And the doctor referred them to a specialist.

And that was in March,

and they have just heard that they are going to have a scan.

That person could have had an unfortunate event...

..that would lead to a funeral.

Sudden bowelage discharge.

No!

THEY LAUGH No!

I think we should pay a small fee for prescriptions.

Obviously pregnant women and, you know, people that really need them,

like cancer sufferers and that there,

I don't think they should pay.

But it's like everything else. I'm sure there are people that get tablets and never use them, Elaine.

Well, I would be happy enough to pay a prescription charge.

The whole conception and implementation

of the health service in the 1940s.

Health service help free at the point of delivery.

It's unbeatable. It really, really is.

Sadly, it has become erm...a bit of a dinosaur.

I must say that I have the greatest admiration and thanks

to the NHS for all that I have received

over the past 18 years on dialysis.

I have got care beyond measure.

Another thing they have in hospitals,

which you never would have heard before,

they've got this bleeding background music on. Really?

Yes, in an awful lot of hospitals.

Even whenever I went down for my operations, I couldn't believe it.

Well, you know you like a little song and dance now and then. Yes, I do, but wait till I tell you,

when I went down for my operations,

the surgeon said, "Did you bring your CD with you?" I said, "I beg your pardon?"

He said, "Yes, you know, we'll play music while we're doing the operations.

You see. And I thought, "My goodness."

I said, "Well, have you got the Chopin Nocturnes?"

"No, no, no, but we've got a lot of these Michael Jackson and things like that."

And I had visions of the hammer going on my knee,

you know, "Be, be, be, be-be, be, be."

# Talk to me baby

# I'm going after this sweet craving, whoa-oh... #

Over in Newry, Anne-Marie and the girls

love a good auld hospital parking rant.

There should be a big multi-storey car park there for the nurses.

I know. Yeah. It's so bad.

The last thing they need to be worrying about this somewhere to park.

All Granda does is talk about the parking at the hospitals,

it's very funny. That's what's important,

especially as you Granda's getting on in years.

Yeah, I know, but he's going to, like, say Nanny or something

and, like, I would go with him, and he would talk on the way there

about the parking and then he'll maybe talk about something else.

And then he'll look for a parking space, and then it all depends

on how that goes, you know?

Like, the other day, we got one right outside the door.

"Oh, it was good going, wasn't it? Good parking there."

And he'd go in and then he'd tell Nanny about all of our parking experience on the way there.

Now, the City Hospital is absolutely fantastic for parking.

Do you think so?

I think it's very good because, I'll tell you, you can park in that,

you know, the lay-by and then you just walk in through the front doors.

And there's a lady there at the side -

you can go to her - she's very nice.

You can ask her where A, B and C is and she will direct you.

And if you need a chair, she will get a porter. But...

Where you've just said, that's not a parking spot.

My ma was up last night.

You know, she was telling me that she was away to hospital.

She was getting checked. She thought she was getting a pregnancy test.

Her and my dad's trying for another late one, you know?

What age is your ma?

My ma's in her 50s.

I was a late one myself.

My ma says she got a crown.

You know, she'd been to the dentist and she wanted the tooth out.

But he offered to put...is it a crown?

I don't know. He's putting a crown in, so...

He worked and worked at her tooth, took her back again

another day and then he must have capped her, whatever he'd done.

And then, the next thing, he gave her a bill for nearly ?400.

Was it a gold crown? I don't know what it was.

I looked at it last night,

but it was something like out of the Bee Gees.

So, I've broken the back tooth. Have you?

Will you get the...the what do they call it? The implants? The implant.

Yes, it's ?3,000. Oh, really? Although a lot of people go foreign.

Farn. Farn. The world would come to an end...

The world would come to an end.

..if Audrey fforbes-Hamilton had a farn implant.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, I'd be murdered if I told anybody.

"Where did you get your implants?" "Poland."

Yeah! GARY LAUGHS

I'd be saying, "Harley Street! "Harley Street!"

"Yes, a particular type of veneer!" "Absolutely."

"Handcrafted, handcrafted." Yes!

I'd be talking like you. You would.

Absolutely. You'd be all... POSH LAUGHTER

I cannot believe that I'm going to...is it Croatia?

Where am I going to get my teeth fixed? It's not Croatia, is it?

It is, is it? No?

It's, like, ?3,000 cheaper than it is here.

Is your teeth like the stars that come out at night? No.

My teeth don't come out at night,

but they're as crooked as a hind leg.

So, what should be on the NHS?

Probably not what James in Moneymore has in mind.

You should be allowed to get boob jobs done on the NHS.

I think you should, in fairness. I think... Hold on a wee second.

No, I think... No, James. You're talking nonsense.

You talk about them auld women walking about there with droopy boobs and stuff.

You think if you get them... If they're on the NHS, Elaine,

and if they're going to the NHS and

they get boobs and they're walking about with boobs up to their chin,

sure, it's good for everybody!

It's good for us to look at, it's good for them to walk about with.

Hang on. Everybody's a winner. Droopy boobs?

Boob jobs do save lives

cos there's a woman who got a boob job, I think she was in a car crash.

Seriously, and I think the airbag didn't work or something like that,

and her boob saved her life. That's ridiculous.

No, it happened, though. That's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous, but it happened.

Did you laugh at the word boob? Yes!

Did they not bring in that no-smoking ban?

So, like, you're not meant to smoke at all on the premises, like,

from you drive in to the hospital, the whole way.

Oh, really?

What happens if you're a patient? I know. Like, where do you go?

Like, imagine, if you're, like, addicted... Mm-hmm.

..and terminally ill and in hospital.

Like, surely that's your only thing in life that you have.

Like, that's your only relief. Like, that's really not fair.

Like, where can they go, then? Where's the nearest place for them to go?

They literally have to drive down to the main road. What?

You're not allowed to smoke in your own car or anything. Why not your own car?

What happens if they catch you, what do they do? You're fined.

Aw, come on. And you can be asked to, like, leave the whole place.

So, hold on.

If you're terminally ill and your caught smoking in, like,

your friend's car or something, that's it, you just have to...

You're expected to leave the hospital? I don't know.

Well, apparently it's under staff discretion. Awk, I think it's good.

You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?

What if e-cigarettes was available on the NHS? Would you? No.

You're a smoker. No. Would you take an e-cigarette on the NHS? No.

Surely it could only be a good thing. But that's not medication.

I'm kind of a bit drawn on that one. I think...

I think, if they were available,

I think it might help a lot of people stop smoking. Hmm.

Somewhere between Eglinton and Limavady, and via Nashville,

there's music in the air.

THEY SING: # Working nine to five

# What a way to make a living... #

# Islands in the stream... Kenny Rogers.

# That is what we are... #

Here's the all-time Belfast one...

# I'll take the blanket from the bedroom... #

THEY LAUGH

MUSIC: The Cattle Call by Eddy Arnold

Think Nathan Carter,

think Derek Ryan, think jiving,

and you'll be perfectly in tune with this morning's commuters.

If only they were.

# Rock me, Mama, like a wagon wheel.

# Rock me, Mama, any way you feel... #

That's the big scene at the minute. I know. I can't...

I tried to learn to line dance and I just put everybody off, cos...

I know, but it's not line dancing now. It's jiving.

I know, but I can't do that either. Sure, Ian tried to teach me.

I know, and Ian's a brilliant jiver. He is. He's very good.

And I nearly dislocated my shoulder and broke his neck.

Would you have a country band at your wedding?

AMY LAUGHS

Are you saying country as in, like, traditional music,

like Christy Moore and Phil Coulter and...?

So, are you saying, like, what do you call him?

Derek Ryan? Like him? Like Derek Ryan. I don't mind it, but, like...

I don't know, like. I know, I hate it. I hate it.

I don't like...

Maybe it's because I'm bad at jiving, but I just, like,

I hate those really, really, really country bands.

I hate country nights out. Like, you could never catch me in the Moy.

I saw this video on Facebook and it was these two fellas,

and they were as contrary as you like, like, they were hilarious,

and they were saying that they go out to get the women in Monaghan.

Right. And they actually, in the middle of the night,

because they're so sweaty cos all they do is jive,

they come out, put a wee bit of Lynx on and change their shirt.

Now, could you imagine if you were making eyes at this fella

that was jiving and he goes away for ten minutes,

comes back and he's wearing a totally different outfit?

You'd think there was something wrong there. But he's probably jiving, jiving, jiving,

showing off all his moves.

He'll be like, "I'm sweaty."

Out he goes, he's picked his woman that he wants,

freshens up and then he goes in and goes over and talks.

And then she's probably all, "Oh, I seen you jiving. Can we have a wee go?"

Oh, Grainne, is that how you'd be picked up?

# Rock me, mama, like a wagon wheel... #

Now over to our country correspondents in Newtownards.

They do love an auld burrow on the dance floor.

Hard to beat jiving, like, isn't it? A bit of craic.

A bit of craic, sure, isn't it?

Remember the day, Rob, we used to go there, chase women, aye?

Aye. That was a day or two ago.

It was, all right. That wasn't yesterday? Awk, maybe last week.

THEY LAUGH

A bit of jiving there the other week at your man's wedding, right enough.

Aye. Oh. Flat out. Oh, near wrecked the shoes.

Back to our experts on the road to Limavady.

See some of the music at the minute that has all this here... No.

My kids... That's a racket. My kids sing and I don't know what they're singing and it's probably as well,

because, listening to one one time, I heard the F-word.

No, that's not singing. You see, that's not.

It's like, we're talking country music, sure.

There's that one, Hit The Diff.

# So hit the diff and pray that she goes all the way... #

And a whole lot of the songs and that have innuendo.

So... And that's country music.

Rap has cursing in it and all that down low...

Jiggy stuff.

And now country music's doing it as well.

Aye, country music isn't what it used to be. What do you call her, my...?

# Once I shout it from the highest... #

That's not country music. That's Doris Day. It is! Doris Day is all into her country music.

She was in a country outfit. It's, like, well, she was in her... No, she was...

It was a Western! Oh, aye, it was a cowboy.

Well... Div. FIONNUALA LAUGHS

Well, it sounds country to me.

Hey, the country scene's a big thing now in...

You know, everybody seems to be...

People seem to be going instead of nightclubs.

It seems to be you have to be able to dance at these things cos you... Can you jive, Rhondda?

No, but me and Liam's going to go start jiving.

Oh, you should go, definitely. Definitely.

You should go to jiving classes. You come too, James.

Awk, what would I know about jiving with me two left feet? I would love to be able to dance.

I mind whenever I was 18, 19,

you wouldn't have been dancing to country music then. It was all, like, um...

Like, Sash and... Do you mind Sash and all them boys? That's '90s.

That was... That was...

That was back in the day. That was Oasis.

I mind, whenever when they first come out, I went to Jingles in Limavady.

and I went in and I says to the girl, I says, "Can I buy the Sash on CD? Well...

THEY LAUGH

And she gave me the Sash on CD, and I thought I was pure cool.

I put me windows down and all. Turned it up full boot.

And it wasn't the flipping Sash I was thinking it was!

ELAINE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

MUSIC: Encore Une Fois by Sash!

FIONNUALA: Country music's nice, actually. People say it isn't,

but at least you can dance to it.

# Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

# I'm begging you, please don't take my man... #

Do you hear all the words?

"Don't take my man."

Take a fly around the bedroom, just cos we're not married.

And they all grew up with no mas or das or... So...

Don't you tell me country music is clean fun.

MUSIC: Faded by Alan Walker

Oh, that's it, boys. We're here anyway.

THEY SCREAM

What? THEY SCREAM AND LAUGH

What? There is a moth.

Right, get out of my sight.

Here, here, here, remember to take her handy now, take her handy

OK, bye! Bye! Bye!

And so it's time to wish our commuters a pleasant day ahead,

but they'll be back next week for a little bit of this...

Gays are just becoming like heterosexuals,

you know...boring.

..some of this...

Are you a Catholic Muslim?

Or are you a Protestant one, Arousa?

..and an awful lot more of this.

Is it llama or llamai?

Mummy said she loves me the most. I didn't.

What's that smell?

Waving to the bus man and didn't let him out.

THEY LAUGH

Right there? Stay where you are!

MUSIC: Faded by Alan Walker