Episode 1 The Commute


Episode 1

A slice of Northern Ireland life as everyday commuters discuss diet, exercise, the NHS and country music while heading to their daily destinations.


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Transcript


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Ah, the morning routine -

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a couple of hours that brings half a million of us out

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and onto Northern Ireland's roads.

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It's rarely the highlight of anyone's day...

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Another day, another dollar.

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Another day, another tuppence ha'penny.

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Ready for another day in paradise?

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It can bring out the best in some...

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You had a row with her last night

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and the best part of having a row is the making up.

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..the worst in others...

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Oh, come on, mister, come on!

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..and, occasionally, the downright bizarre.

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"I have something to say to the American people here today."

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HE BARKS

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So, buckle up, everyone, as we take you on the commute.

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THEY SCREAM

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MUSIC: Work by Rihanna

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# Just get ready fi...

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# Work, work, work, work, work, work

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# He say me have to

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# Work, work, work work, work, work!

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# He see me do me

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# Dirt, dirt, dirt dirt, dirt, dirt!

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# Work, work, work work, work, work. #

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What sort of song is that? "Work, work, work"?

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Who wants to go to work?

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Oh, I could sleep for a week.

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HE YAWNS

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I'm just not in the routine, to be honest.

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I know, like, getting up early again.

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It's back to the daily grind for our commuters

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and, for our schools, the end of eight weeks off.

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But, in Carrickfergus, Angelica and her children are worried

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that two months off in the summer could be a thing of the past.

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They're cutting the holidays? Yeah.

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Yeah, I heard that...

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Are you actually trying to kill me?

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And also, they're also trying to make the school days longer.

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Heck!

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Excuse me, we work our bums off for, like, six hours straight,

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then they give us homework to do all night.

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I know, it's like... Why would they make it longer?

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Like, why can't school just start at one in the afternoon

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and end at three?

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Would you like that? Staying in school a wee bit longer?

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Are you joking? Are you actually joking right now?

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She'd love that. Ah, when yous are out working, you'll be saying,

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"School was the best day of my life." I doubt it, Mum.

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"We would give our left arm to get back into school again."

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No stress, no bills... School is stressful!

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No stress... It is stressful.

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Mum, school is stressful. Compared to real life? Yeah.

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I would like to go like England - six weeks, a week off,

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six weeks, a week off.

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I would cope with that, but not longer school hours, definitely not.

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How many people would walk out of the job if you made it shorter?

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Sure, in England, it's shorter, nobody's left there.

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I used to teach in England. It was six weeks.

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Did they understand you?!

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Teachers are lovely people, but, you know, they get it handy.

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Nine weeks in the summer, mid-term, half-term, Christmas...

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So, you'd be ending up, what?

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Four, five months in the year?

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Ah, but I guarantee you teachers complain about that.

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Listen, I don't care what anybody says,

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the amount of work that we do, totally in downtime,

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as everybody would say, out the door at 3:30, you know,

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I know what's done outside school.

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We need the holidays, I'll tell you that.

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Nothing worse than schoolteachers -

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all you hear is, "Oh, work, work, work,"

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and every five minutes they're on holidays.

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It's a very stressful job but, for you, it's just unbelievable.

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You need to be a social worker and everything else

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when you're in schools nowadays.

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It's not just about teaching anyone, it's a nightmare for some people.

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It's so busy.

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I was talking to a teacher and they were more or less saying

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that they felt they needed six months off in the year

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because of the stress.

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On the road to Ballycastle High School,

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English teacher Michael is dealing with a stressful issue.

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How is it, that whenever you go to the sock basket,

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it's impossible to find a pair of socks? You've got a sock basket?

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You have a basket... Sock basket? ..for socks?

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What is a sock basket? This is like one of those...

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not wicker thing - plastic, purple basket - and into it go me smalls.

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I wouldn't have enough space in my room to put a sock basket.

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A sock basket, eh?

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I have it in the side room, in the built-in walk-in wardrobe,

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off of the West Wing. Of course I do(!)

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It's a basket! How much room, you know...?

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You don't need to take up a lot of room!

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Aye, and they call themselves smart, you know what I mean?

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Yeah, definitely not.

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# I live my day as if it was the last

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# Live my day as if there was no past

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# Doin' it all night, all summer

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# Doin' it the way I wanna... #

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Considering we spend an average of 164 hours a year commuting,

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it's no surprise that frustration can sometimes kick in.

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Aah!

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What is going on here? This is ridiculous!

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Whoa, what's that all about?!

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THEY SCREAM

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SHE LAUGHS

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I just ran over a seagull!

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Come on, come on!

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Let us in, big lad.

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There you go, there you go.

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He was thinking and thinking about it,

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I don't know what the hell he was doing.

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He didn't want to take a chance.

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He probably knows we're two gays.

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Well, you are, anyway.

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Well, the way you're sitting with your hands, I'm not surprised.

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I'm trying to hold my stomach in.

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I know I talk about this every Monday morning,

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but I really, seriously need to do something with my stomach.

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It's estimated that almost a quarter of us

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are constantly trying to lose some weight

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and it's got Belfast brother and sister

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Bellal and Arousa talking diets.

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There's all this stuff like Atkins diet - what happened to that?

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Do people still do that? The GI diet... Do you think that...?

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Is it called Commando diet?

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It's, like, nine boiled eggs,

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so you have three boiled eggs for breakfast,

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three boiled eggs for lunch and three boiled eggs for dinner.

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Bellal, I'd crack a window open if I were you, man.

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A lot of people are interested in that 3:2 diet,

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which is kind of a bit like fasting for us, you know?

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It's difficult, Ramadan, but it's so enjoyable.

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Yeah. You just can't believe that your body can actually do it.

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I just really need to get rid of my belly.

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This is the first day of my diet -

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the very first day that I'm going to try and lose some weight.

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Every Monday, in our house, there's a new diet. Yeah.

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Starting Monday. Start on Monday. Start on Monday.

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It's Tuesday, and we're like, "Oh, not here.

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"I'll just wait till Monday." Yeah, just wait till Monday.

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Laura's 19 and I'm still losing my baby fat.

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, my God!

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What's in that bag of yours?

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Sounds like...baubles or something. A box of Revels...

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for me dad. Oh, aye, surely(!)

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It's only a box of Revels! A box?!

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They say they're low in fat.

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Well, do you not think that was good that I done yesterday?

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Cos I bought them Good For You low-fat rice cakes.

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No, them things are stinking.

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But then did you not see the two packets of crisps I bought?!

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And you bought two big, massive bags.

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Well, I couldn't decide

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whether to get salt and vinegar or cracked black pepper,

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so I thought I'd just get both.

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But you buy a slimming thing in one hand,

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and then you buy that - two big bags of crisps - in the other.

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I know, but it doesn't say I'm going to eat them.

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I'll eat the slimming things and just leave them.

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Aye, you will. That's just in case visitors come in.

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And you'll give them a bag of crisps?

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Well, nibbles.

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You know the way you always talk about nibbles.

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In Belfast, Arousa is over-sharing her experiences of Ramadan.

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You know when we're fasting, right?

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Yeah. I sometimes fall asleep on the bog.

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Mm... What...? Do you do that? No!

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You know, when you're like... You filthy animal.

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Like, when someone gets you up, right, for, like, suhur,

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and when you're fasting - you went to bed at 12:30,

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and you're up again at, like, 1:45 to eat... Mm-hm.

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..and then you're sitting there, and you're like...

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and then you just fall asleep, until someone knocks and goes,

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"What are you doing? Get out of the bathroom."

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Apparently, bars of Aero chocolate,

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you can eat as many of them as you want

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because there's holes in it!

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I mean, for chocolate... How many bars of chocolate do you want?

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If you think about it, if you pick up an Aero bar,

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it is lighter than a Mars bar.

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It's the number of calories and the amount of fat in it, genius.

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Eh? Jesus! What?

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It is lighter!

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You stand in Tesco's, "Which cream trifle should I have?"

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"Can I have a whole Pavlova cos it's really light, so it is."

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Thanks, lads. Thanks for your support.

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MUSIC: Sissyneck by Beck

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Do you know, I've got an app on my phone, right? Right.

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That if I'm going to buy something,

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I wave my phone in front of it

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and it tells me how many sugar cubes per spoonful -

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and it's quite frightening, it really is.

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There you are, you see? You're frightened by the information

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the government is giving you! You see? They're scaremongering.

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What I'm saying is, it's not that you want to eat this,

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it's just the trouble with, "Oh, right to choose, right to choose".

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You should have the right to choose that this is what...

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You get the information, OK, but if you choose to do this,

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you know, well, then, that's fine.

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There was one thing that I was buying,

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OK, I can't remember what it was,

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and it had something like 32 sugar cubes in the box.

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Yeah, but maybe you only have those 32 sugar cubes once a month.

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I nearly had a heart attack.

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Everything in moderation.

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Obviously, I've been getting it wrong for years.

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It doesn't show.

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I think at the same time... RINGTONE: # ..move it

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# I like to move it, move it

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# I like to move it, move it you like to... #

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You should take some advice from your ringtone!

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Still eating two bags of crisps a day, Tommy?

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Aye, I eat two packets of crisps a day, that's right.

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That'll catch up on you, Thomas!

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Yeah. Sure, look at you already -

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you've put on a stone of weight, nearly,

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from last year. Crisps, crisps...

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You are what you eat, boys.

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You contradict yourself because you sit in work

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and you go, "I'm on the granary bread."

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And you go home at night and come in the next day, and what do you say?

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"Oh, I fancied a Chinese last night, so I had a Chinese

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"and I had a big bag of them potato crisps,

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"and I sat and watched a movie."

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Once a month I treat myself to something like that. Once a month?

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Every bloody week!

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I'm focused... You're not playing football any more,

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your career's finished.

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Players only start... You told us ages ago

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you were going to win a championship medal -

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you haven't even won a bloody medal.

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When was the last time you played, lad?

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When was the last time you played? That's right, that's right.

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A week before Amsterdam. That was two months ago.

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You were a sub, and the boy held you by the throat down on the ground

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because you gave him a lot of abuse along the line.

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Well, the other thing they had was talking about colonics.

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Is that where you go on holiday? No, is that not like a full stop?

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One of those sort of strange full stops, in English, you know?

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Semi colonic!

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What's a colonic?

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Well, when you stick a pole up your bum, basically. A pole?

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A pole? A pole!

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A pipe! A pipe, or a pole?

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Is it a flagpole? How does that make you lose weight?

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No, I'm not saying it makes you lose weight,

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I'm just talking about the health idea behind it. The benefits.

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Just the benefits. Help you clear you out.

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Would you not be better with a dose of MoviPrep?

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It's a sort of thing the people on the Malone Road do in Belfast.

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I know, I know. Not for North Antrim, like.

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You'll find that your mouth is full most of the time...

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It pretty much is, yeah. ..with a coconut finger, or...

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It's been a while since we've had all of that.

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We haven't had a coconut finger for such a long time.

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We always have the coconut fingers when it's Mother's Day

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or Valentine's Day, or weddings... Yes. ..and we're really hungry,

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and then we have the coconut fingers,

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and everybody in work goes, "Oh, don't be getting me one.

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"I'm not eating anything"

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SHE SNORTS Mm.

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What about Stephen Nolan and this diet?

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What diet? What diet's he on now?

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Well, he eats these crisps, Sensations onion bhajis -

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instead of eating the crisps...

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Onion bhajis?! ..he's been licking the crisps!

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I actually think that's a very good idea

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because if you're looking for a bag - you know, if you're saying,

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"Oh, I could love a bag of crisps,"

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it's not for the fact of the matter, eating the crisps...

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Aye. Just lick them. It's the taste of them

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and the taste is on the surface.

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Licking your turkey dinner, then.

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I'll not eat it, I'll just lick it and put it back on the plate.

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What does he do? Does he put them back into the bag?

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What's he doing with them?

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Throwing them away? He must be putting them back in the bag

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and then passing them on to Vinny.

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From licking crisps in Moneymore to Joe in Newcastle,

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who thinks he's got the whole weight-loss thing licked.

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I'm in intensive training.

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I want something with chicken in it,

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just a chicken burger and fries. I don't want the lettuce,

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but could I get the mayo and the cheese, please? 'OK.'

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And the chips with that, as well. 'Yeah, no problem.'

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I'll take a Coke, please. 'Coke.'

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It makes sense. If you consume X amount of calories,

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and burn off higher X amount of calories,

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you're going to lose weight, end of.

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Can I get an additional chips with that, there?

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And see those wee...

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Do you do those wee cheese things,

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with the cheese inside the breadcrumbs?

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'Oh, yeah, cheese dippers?' Aye, cheese dippers.

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I'll go for that, yeah. 'OK.'

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That's everything.

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At the end of the day, if you are...

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..burning off more...than you eat, no matter what you're eating...

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you're going to lose weight.

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Why can I never have a good addiction?

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I'd like to be addicted to sticking to a diet, just...

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if I'm honest!

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# I am what I am

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# And what I am

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# Needs no excuses! #

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That's my theme tune.

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At the end of the day, you just have to change your lifestyle.

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Eat a wee bit less and try to exercise a bit more.

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You sound like Mr Motivator, there.

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No matter how good our diet or exercise regime,

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when it comes to our health, we all need the NHS.

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Joe in Newcastle is kicking this one off.

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Have you ever tried phoning the doctor's?

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You mean, have you ever tried taking a quiz with the receptionist?

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If you phone the doctor, you're phoning him for a reason

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and I'll tell you what the reason is. Are you ready for it?

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Right. You're sick.

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You want the person who answers the call to make you an appointment.

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Once you get to the doctor, they're fine. It's getting to them.

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I could one phone call and speak to somebody in the White House.

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To get to speak to my own doctor,

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I have to give make three or four phone calls,

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and then wait on a call back,

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then wait a few weeks to see him. Then you go

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and he says, "What's wrong with you?"

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I say, "Well, two weeks ago, this happened to me..."

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"I'm all right now, thanks."

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"..but I'm all right now, thanks very much."

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I was talking to somebody the other day

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and there were telling me that they had...

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..a worrying problem.

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I'm not going to say what it is, but it was a worry,

0:14:560:14:59

and they went to the doctor... Yes.

0:14:590:15:01

And the doctor referred them to a specialist.

0:15:010:15:05

And that was in March,

0:15:050:15:07

and they have just heard that they are going to have a scan.

0:15:070:15:12

That person could have had an unfortunate event...

0:15:120:15:16

..that would lead to a funeral.

0:15:170:15:18

Sudden bowelage discharge.

0:15:180:15:20

No!

0:15:210:15:22

THEY LAUGH No!

0:15:220:15:24

I think we should pay a small fee for prescriptions.

0:15:310:15:35

Obviously pregnant women and, you know, people that really need them,

0:15:350:15:39

like cancer sufferers and that there,

0:15:390:15:41

I don't think they should pay.

0:15:410:15:42

But it's like everything else. I'm sure there are people that get tablets and never use them, Elaine.

0:15:420:15:46

Well, I would be happy enough to pay a prescription charge.

0:15:460:15:49

The whole conception and implementation

0:15:490:15:52

of the health service in the 1940s.

0:15:520:15:56

Health service help free at the point of delivery.

0:15:560:16:01

It's unbeatable. It really, really is.

0:16:020:16:05

Sadly, it has become erm...a bit of a dinosaur.

0:16:050:16:10

I must say that I have the greatest admiration and thanks

0:16:100:16:14

to the NHS for all that I have received

0:16:140:16:18

over the past 18 years on dialysis.

0:16:180:16:21

I have got care beyond measure.

0:16:210:16:24

Another thing they have in hospitals,

0:16:260:16:28

which you never would have heard before,

0:16:280:16:30

they've got this bleeding background music on. Really?

0:16:300:16:33

Yes, in an awful lot of hospitals.

0:16:330:16:34

Even whenever I went down for my operations, I couldn't believe it.

0:16:340:16:37

Well, you know you like a little song and dance now and then. Yes, I do, but wait till I tell you,

0:16:370:16:41

when I went down for my operations,

0:16:410:16:43

the surgeon said, "Did you bring your CD with you?" I said, "I beg your pardon?"

0:16:430:16:46

He said, "Yes, you know, we'll play music while we're doing the operations.

0:16:460:16:50

You see. And I thought, "My goodness."

0:16:500:16:51

I said, "Well, have you got the Chopin Nocturnes?"

0:16:510:16:54

"No, no, no, but we've got a lot of these Michael Jackson and things like that."

0:16:540:16:58

And I had visions of the hammer going on my knee,

0:16:580:17:01

you know, "Be, be, be, be-be, be, be."

0:17:010:17:04

# Talk to me baby

0:17:040:17:06

# I'm going after this sweet craving, whoa-oh... #

0:17:060:17:10

Over in Newry, Anne-Marie and the girls

0:17:100:17:13

love a good auld hospital parking rant.

0:17:130:17:15

There should be a big multi-storey car park there for the nurses.

0:17:150:17:18

I know. Yeah. It's so bad.

0:17:180:17:20

The last thing they need to be worrying about this somewhere to park.

0:17:200:17:22

All Granda does is talk about the parking at the hospitals,

0:17:220:17:25

it's very funny. That's what's important,

0:17:250:17:27

especially as you Granda's getting on in years.

0:17:270:17:30

Yeah, I know, but he's going to, like, say Nanny or something

0:17:300:17:32

and, like, I would go with him, and he would talk on the way there

0:17:320:17:36

about the parking and then he'll maybe talk about something else.

0:17:360:17:38

And then he'll look for a parking space, and then it all depends

0:17:380:17:41

on how that goes, you know?

0:17:410:17:43

Like, the other day, we got one right outside the door.

0:17:430:17:46

"Oh, it was good going, wasn't it? Good parking there."

0:17:460:17:49

And he'd go in and then he'd tell Nanny about all of our parking experience on the way there.

0:17:490:17:54

Now, the City Hospital is absolutely fantastic for parking.

0:17:540:18:00

Do you think so?

0:18:000:18:02

I think it's very good because, I'll tell you, you can park in that,

0:18:020:18:06

you know, the lay-by and then you just walk in through the front doors.

0:18:060:18:09

And there's a lady there at the side -

0:18:090:18:11

you can go to her - she's very nice.

0:18:110:18:13

You can ask her where A, B and C is and she will direct you.

0:18:130:18:17

And if you need a chair, she will get a porter. But...

0:18:170:18:21

Where you've just said, that's not a parking spot.

0:18:210:18:24

My ma was up last night.

0:18:270:18:29

You know, she was telling me that she was away to hospital.

0:18:290:18:32

She was getting checked. She thought she was getting a pregnancy test.

0:18:320:18:35

Her and my dad's trying for another late one, you know?

0:18:350:18:38

What age is your ma?

0:18:380:18:39

My ma's in her 50s.

0:18:390:18:41

I was a late one myself.

0:18:410:18:43

My ma says she got a crown.

0:18:430:18:45

You know, she'd been to the dentist and she wanted the tooth out.

0:18:450:18:49

But he offered to put...is it a crown?

0:18:490:18:51

I don't know. He's putting a crown in, so...

0:18:530:18:55

He worked and worked at her tooth, took her back again

0:18:550:18:58

another day and then he must have capped her, whatever he'd done.

0:18:580:19:02

And then, the next thing, he gave her a bill for nearly ?400.

0:19:020:19:06

Was it a gold crown? I don't know what it was.

0:19:060:19:09

I looked at it last night,

0:19:090:19:10

but it was something like out of the Bee Gees.

0:19:100:19:13

So, I've broken the back tooth. Have you?

0:19:150:19:18

Will you get the...the what do they call it? The implants? The implant.

0:19:180:19:21

Yes, it's ?3,000. Oh, really? Although a lot of people go foreign.

0:19:210:19:24

Farn. Farn. The world would come to an end...

0:19:240:19:28

The world would come to an end.

0:19:280:19:29

..if Audrey fforbes-Hamilton had a farn implant.

0:19:290:19:31

THEY LAUGH

0:19:310:19:33

Oh, I'd be murdered if I told anybody.

0:19:330:19:35

"Where did you get your implants?" "Poland."

0:19:350:19:38

Yeah! GARY LAUGHS

0:19:380:19:39

I'd be saying, "Harley Street! "Harley Street!"

0:19:390:19:43

"Yes, a particular type of veneer!" "Absolutely."

0:19:430:19:46

"Handcrafted, handcrafted." Yes!

0:19:460:19:49

I'd be talking like you. You would.

0:19:490:19:52

Absolutely. You'd be all... POSH LAUGHTER

0:19:520:19:54

I cannot believe that I'm going to...is it Croatia?

0:19:560:19:59

Where am I going to get my teeth fixed? It's not Croatia, is it?

0:19:590:20:03

It is, is it? No?

0:20:030:20:05

It's, like, ?3,000 cheaper than it is here.

0:20:050:20:08

Is your teeth like the stars that come out at night? No.

0:20:080:20:10

My teeth don't come out at night,

0:20:100:20:13

but they're as crooked as a hind leg.

0:20:130:20:15

So, what should be on the NHS?

0:20:160:20:18

Probably not what James in Moneymore has in mind.

0:20:180:20:21

You should be allowed to get boob jobs done on the NHS.

0:20:210:20:24

I think you should, in fairness. I think... Hold on a wee second.

0:20:240:20:27

No, I think... No, James. You're talking nonsense.

0:20:270:20:30

You talk about them auld women walking about there with droopy boobs and stuff.

0:20:300:20:33

You think if you get them... If they're on the NHS, Elaine,

0:20:330:20:36

and if they're going to the NHS and

0:20:360:20:37

they get boobs and they're walking about with boobs up to their chin,

0:20:370:20:40

sure, it's good for everybody!

0:20:400:20:42

It's good for us to look at, it's good for them to walk about with.

0:20:420:20:44

Hang on. Everybody's a winner. Droopy boobs?

0:20:440:20:47

Boob jobs do save lives

0:20:470:20:49

cos there's a woman who got a boob job, I think she was in a car crash.

0:20:490:20:52

Seriously, and I think the airbag didn't work or something like that,

0:20:520:20:55

and her boob saved her life. That's ridiculous.

0:20:550:20:57

No, it happened, though. That's ridiculous.

0:20:570:20:59

It's ridiculous, but it happened.

0:20:590:21:01

Did you laugh at the word boob? Yes!

0:21:010:21:03

Did they not bring in that no-smoking ban?

0:21:080:21:11

So, like, you're not meant to smoke at all on the premises, like,

0:21:120:21:15

from you drive in to the hospital, the whole way.

0:21:150:21:17

Oh, really?

0:21:170:21:19

What happens if you're a patient? I know. Like, where do you go?

0:21:190:21:22

Like, imagine, if you're, like, addicted... Mm-hmm.

0:21:220:21:24

..and terminally ill and in hospital.

0:21:240:21:28

Like, surely that's your only thing in life that you have.

0:21:280:21:31

Like, that's your only relief. Like, that's really not fair.

0:21:310:21:35

Like, where can they go, then? Where's the nearest place for them to go?

0:21:350:21:38

They literally have to drive down to the main road. What?

0:21:380:21:40

You're not allowed to smoke in your own car or anything. Why not your own car?

0:21:400:21:43

What happens if they catch you, what do they do? You're fined.

0:21:430:21:46

Aw, come on. And you can be asked to, like, leave the whole place.

0:21:460:21:49

So, hold on.

0:21:500:21:52

If you're terminally ill and your caught smoking in, like,

0:21:520:21:54

your friend's car or something, that's it, you just have to...

0:21:540:21:57

You're expected to leave the hospital? I don't know.

0:21:570:22:00

Well, apparently it's under staff discretion. Awk, I think it's good.

0:22:000:22:05

You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?

0:22:050:22:07

What if e-cigarettes was available on the NHS? Would you? No.

0:22:090:22:13

You're a smoker. No. Would you take an e-cigarette on the NHS? No.

0:22:130:22:15

Surely it could only be a good thing. But that's not medication.

0:22:170:22:20

I'm kind of a bit drawn on that one. I think...

0:22:200:22:22

I think, if they were available,

0:22:230:22:25

I think it might help a lot of people stop smoking. Hmm.

0:22:250:22:28

Somewhere between Eglinton and Limavady, and via Nashville,

0:22:290:22:32

there's music in the air.

0:22:320:22:34

THEY SING: # Working nine to five

0:22:340:22:36

# What a way to make a living... #

0:22:360:22:38

# Islands in the stream... Kenny Rogers.

0:22:380:22:40

# That is what we are... #

0:22:400:22:42

Here's the all-time Belfast one...

0:22:420:22:45

# I'll take the blanket from the bedroom... #

0:22:450:22:47

THEY LAUGH

0:22:470:22:49

MUSIC: The Cattle Call by Eddy Arnold

0:22:500:22:52

Think Nathan Carter,

0:22:540:22:55

think Derek Ryan, think jiving,

0:22:550:22:58

and you'll be perfectly in tune with this morning's commuters.

0:22:580:23:00

If only they were.

0:23:000:23:02

# Rock me, Mama, like a wagon wheel.

0:23:020:23:05

# Rock me, Mama, any way you feel... #

0:23:050:23:08

That's the big scene at the minute. I know. I can't...

0:23:100:23:12

I tried to learn to line dance and I just put everybody off, cos...

0:23:120:23:16

I know, but it's not line dancing now. It's jiving.

0:23:160:23:19

I know, but I can't do that either. Sure, Ian tried to teach me.

0:23:190:23:22

I know, and Ian's a brilliant jiver. He is. He's very good.

0:23:220:23:25

And I nearly dislocated my shoulder and broke his neck.

0:23:250:23:30

Would you have a country band at your wedding?

0:23:300:23:31

AMY LAUGHS

0:23:330:23:34

Are you saying country as in, like, traditional music,

0:23:340:23:37

like Christy Moore and Phil Coulter and...?

0:23:370:23:40

So, are you saying, like, what do you call him?

0:23:400:23:42

Derek Ryan? Like him? Like Derek Ryan. I don't mind it, but, like...

0:23:420:23:46

I don't know, like. I know, I hate it. I hate it.

0:23:470:23:50

I don't like...

0:23:500:23:51

Maybe it's because I'm bad at jiving, but I just, like,

0:23:510:23:55

I hate those really, really, really country bands.

0:23:550:23:58

I hate country nights out. Like, you could never catch me in the Moy.

0:23:580:24:03

I saw this video on Facebook and it was these two fellas,

0:24:030:24:06

and they were as contrary as you like, like, they were hilarious,

0:24:060:24:09

and they were saying that they go out to get the women in Monaghan.

0:24:090:24:13

Right. And they actually, in the middle of the night,

0:24:130:24:17

because they're so sweaty cos all they do is jive,

0:24:170:24:20

they come out, put a wee bit of Lynx on and change their shirt.

0:24:200:24:25

Now, could you imagine if you were making eyes at this fella

0:24:260:24:29

that was jiving and he goes away for ten minutes,

0:24:290:24:31

comes back and he's wearing a totally different outfit?

0:24:310:24:33

You'd think there was something wrong there. But he's probably jiving, jiving, jiving,

0:24:330:24:37

showing off all his moves.

0:24:370:24:38

He'll be like, "I'm sweaty."

0:24:380:24:39

Out he goes, he's picked his woman that he wants,

0:24:390:24:41

freshens up and then he goes in and goes over and talks.

0:24:410:24:44

And then she's probably all, "Oh, I seen you jiving. Can we have a wee go?"

0:24:440:24:48

Oh, Grainne, is that how you'd be picked up?

0:24:480:24:50

# Rock me, mama, like a wagon wheel... #

0:24:500:24:53

Now over to our country correspondents in Newtownards.

0:24:530:24:56

They do love an auld burrow on the dance floor.

0:24:560:24:59

Hard to beat jiving, like, isn't it? A bit of craic.

0:24:590:25:02

A bit of craic, sure, isn't it?

0:25:020:25:03

Remember the day, Rob, we used to go there, chase women, aye?

0:25:030:25:06

Aye. That was a day or two ago.

0:25:060:25:08

It was, all right. That wasn't yesterday? Awk, maybe last week.

0:25:080:25:11

THEY LAUGH

0:25:110:25:13

A bit of jiving there the other week at your man's wedding, right enough.

0:25:130:25:16

Aye. Oh. Flat out. Oh, near wrecked the shoes.

0:25:160:25:19

Back to our experts on the road to Limavady.

0:25:210:25:23

See some of the music at the minute that has all this here... No.

0:25:230:25:27

My kids... That's a racket. My kids sing and I don't know what they're singing and it's probably as well,

0:25:270:25:31

because, listening to one one time, I heard the F-word.

0:25:310:25:34

No, that's not singing. You see, that's not.

0:25:340:25:37

It's like, we're talking country music, sure.

0:25:370:25:39

There's that one, Hit The Diff.

0:25:390:25:41

# So hit the diff and pray that she goes all the way... #

0:25:410:25:45

And a whole lot of the songs and that have innuendo.

0:25:450:25:48

So... And that's country music.

0:25:500:25:52

Rap has cursing in it and all that down low...

0:25:520:25:55

Jiggy stuff.

0:25:550:25:57

And now country music's doing it as well.

0:25:570:26:00

Aye, country music isn't what it used to be. What do you call her, my...?

0:26:000:26:03

# Once I shout it from the highest... #

0:26:050:26:09

That's not country music. That's Doris Day. It is! Doris Day is all into her country music.

0:26:090:26:14

She was in a country outfit. It's, like, well, she was in her... No, she was...

0:26:140:26:17

It was a Western! Oh, aye, it was a cowboy.

0:26:170:26:20

Well... Div. FIONNUALA LAUGHS

0:26:200:26:23

Well, it sounds country to me.

0:26:230:26:25

Hey, the country scene's a big thing now in...

0:26:250:26:28

You know, everybody seems to be...

0:26:280:26:29

People seem to be going instead of nightclubs.

0:26:290:26:31

It seems to be you have to be able to dance at these things cos you... Can you jive, Rhondda?

0:26:310:26:35

No, but me and Liam's going to go start jiving.

0:26:350:26:37

Oh, you should go, definitely. Definitely.

0:26:370:26:39

You should go to jiving classes. You come too, James.

0:26:390:26:42

Awk, what would I know about jiving with me two left feet? I would love to be able to dance.

0:26:420:26:46

I mind whenever I was 18, 19,

0:26:460:26:47

you wouldn't have been dancing to country music then. It was all, like, um...

0:26:470:26:51

Like, Sash and... Do you mind Sash and all them boys? That's '90s.

0:26:510:26:56

That was... That was...

0:26:560:26:58

That was back in the day. That was Oasis.

0:26:580:27:00

I mind, whenever when they first come out, I went to Jingles in Limavady.

0:27:000:27:03

and I went in and I says to the girl, I says, "Can I buy the Sash on CD? Well...

0:27:030:27:07

THEY LAUGH

0:27:070:27:08

And she gave me the Sash on CD, and I thought I was pure cool.

0:27:080:27:10

I put me windows down and all. Turned it up full boot.

0:27:100:27:13

And it wasn't the flipping Sash I was thinking it was!

0:27:130:27:15

ELAINE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

0:27:150:27:18

MUSIC: Encore Une Fois by Sash!

0:27:180:27:20

FIONNUALA: Country music's nice, actually. People say it isn't,

0:27:200:27:22

but at least you can dance to it.

0:27:220:27:24

# Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

0:27:240:27:28

# I'm begging you, please don't take my man... #

0:27:300:27:33

Do you hear all the words?

0:27:330:27:34

"Don't take my man."

0:27:340:27:36

Take a fly around the bedroom, just cos we're not married.

0:27:360:27:38

And they all grew up with no mas or das or... So...

0:27:380:27:41

Don't you tell me country music is clean fun.

0:27:410:27:45

MUSIC: Faded by Alan Walker

0:27:470:27:49

Oh, that's it, boys. We're here anyway.

0:27:510:27:53

THEY SCREAM

0:27:540:27:55

What? THEY SCREAM AND LAUGH

0:27:550:27:58

What? There is a moth.

0:27:580:27:59

Right, get out of my sight.

0:27:590:28:01

Here, here, here, remember to take her handy now, take her handy

0:28:010:28:03

OK, bye! Bye! Bye!

0:28:030:28:05

And so it's time to wish our commuters a pleasant day ahead,

0:28:060:28:10

but they'll be back next week for a little bit of this...

0:28:100:28:12

Gays are just becoming like heterosexuals,

0:28:120:28:15

you know...boring.

0:28:150:28:18

..some of this...

0:28:180:28:19

Are you a Catholic Muslim?

0:28:190:28:21

Or are you a Protestant one, Arousa?

0:28:210:28:23

..and an awful lot more of this.

0:28:230:28:25

Is it llama or llamai?

0:28:250:28:26

Mummy said she loves me the most. I didn't.

0:28:260:28:29

What's that smell?

0:28:290:28:30

Waving to the bus man and didn't let him out.

0:28:300:28:32

THEY LAUGH

0:28:320:28:33

Right there? Stay where you are!

0:28:330:28:35

MUSIC: Faded by Alan Walker

0:28:390:28:42

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