I Never Said Yes

escaped a violent assault, so, for me, this is personal. In Britain

today, a woman is raped every ten minutes. That means there will have

been six more by the end of this programme.

Yet, our conviction rates for this horrific crime are still low. Why

aren't we doing a better job of making sure that perpetrators are

punished. How is our system failing victims so badly?

I meet with young women to try to understand what it's like to live

through. He had a knife to my throat, and he

told me if I didn't have sex with him he would rape me.

I discover that young people are more vulnerable than ever. And they

seriously lack awareness. There are people out there that are

doing this, and don't even realise that they are committing a crime.

I see that women who have been raped often feel like they are the

ones on trial. He accused me of liking rough sex,

saying harder, harder, during my rape. I thought I was a victim, but

at that point I felt like a criminal.

I confront the people in authority who are supposed to be putting

rapists behind bars. Very often people think it is because we don't

believe them, it is not. ultimately, I confront our own

attitudes and prejudices about who When I was a student, I spent six

months in Mexico City. I had an incredible time. But I also had one

of the worst experiences of my life. When a normal cab journey turned

nasty. There were just trees, it was dark,

it was 9.30pm, there wasn't many people around. We had gone off the

main road. He stopped the car, and said, this is an assault, give me

everything you have got, I'm going to fuck you up you little bit. He

moved in next to me, touched my legs and grabbing at me.

I was like I have to get out of here, I tried the door, luckily it

was open. As I opened the door, and it swung

open, he launched himself on me. He put his hands around my neck. He

started to strangle me. Because I had opened the door I was sort of

lying here, and he was, his weight was on the top of my neck.

I still, to this day, I have no idea how I managed to kind of free

his grip. Something happened and I managed to wriggle from underneath

him and pull my legs out and kick back.

I just remember running. I didn't look back.

It was really dark, and there were just trees everywhere. I managed to

get to safety, and a friend picked me up. I didn't really sleep, I was

going over and over things in my head. I didn't tell my parents for

a while. It took me three days to tell my dad. I didn't want them to

worry. That's quite a natural reaction though. It has really

affected me, I just have so much admiration and respect for women

who have survived and who have fought back through from a violent

attack and rapes, because I think, wow. If I found it quite difficult

and I didn't get rape, how the hell are they managing.

Rape is not easy to talk about, but it is a problem that is getting

worse. Especially for young people. A

current Government campaign is highlighting the issue. I don't

want to. I want to find out what's going on.

I'm going to speak to women who are survivors of rape, to try to

understand what effect it has on people's lives.

I'm starting in Aberdeen. I'm meeting Sarah Scott, a young mum,

who has agreed to speak openly to me about her attack, just over a

year ago. Sarah? Yeah, hi. She hopes to

encourage other women to come forward.

It would be nice to let my guard down sometimes. To be able to just

relax. I haven't relaxed since the day it happened. I just want to be

the old Sarah, you know. Fun, happy, the old Sarah, you know. Fun, happy,

young girl. It was Christmas time, and like a lot of young people,

Sarah and her sister were looking forward to celebrating with a big

night out. But for Sarah, things went terribly wrong.

It was just like any other night, I met her at the nightclub, she was

already drunk, and one of her friends had a VIP table upstairs.

So there were like bottles of Vodka on the tables. So I got drunk, very,

very quickly. We all got kind of separated throughout the night, all

of my friends, her flatmates, my sister. Looking Herridge sister in

the nightclub, is a ra bumped into a guy who was a casual -- Sarah

bumped into a guy who was a casual acquaintance, and she asked if he

could help her. He was like, it's OK, they are at an afterparty at my

house. I had no reason to doubt him. You knew him? I didn't know him

well, why would someone lie about that.

So we left the nightclub, and went towards his flat. When I got there,

you know, he opened the door, and it was dark inside, I was like,

this is not an after-party. He grabbed me by the arms and

forced me into, what I suppose, was the bedroom. There was a dirty kind

of mattress on the floor, and he pushed me on to it. He ripped my

clothes off, and then raped me, twice. I tried so hard to get away,

I just felt powerless. He held me down, he punched me, he beat me. I

just screamed, I kicked him, I wasn't strong enough. He was a lot

stronger than I was. He left the room, told me if I leave he will

kill me. I had no idea what to do, I was lying in my own blood on a

mattress, thinking, what amI going to do.

When I couldn't hear anything, I crept through to see where he was,

he was sleeping on the couch. That image won't leave my head, I'm not

sure why, I just see him sleeping on the couch. Sarah ran out of the

flat wearing just a bloody dressing gown, looking for someone to help

her. I ran past the bed and breakfast, there were two men

standing outside smoking cigarettes, and I walked up to them, hysterical,

help me, I have been raped. They just looked at me and in disgust.

They didn't help you? No, they went back inside.

Alone and exhausted, Sarah collapsed in the street. Two CID

officers found her and brought her into a Police Station.

All over my body there were bruises from his hands grabbing me. I had

these little bruises all over me. I suffer from quite severe vaginal

tearing, black eye, scratches, cuts. I just remember sitting in the

shower just sitting there crying, watching all this blood drip off me.

The dirt, it just sunk in what happened. I just wanted to wash.

Then I realised that he was inside of me. Even to this day, I will

never be clean of that, never. Sarah's attacker was arrested that

day. He denied raping her. I don't know, I just think maybe I can move

on with my life more if he could just admit he did this. But he put

me through all of that, I can never for give someone who did that. I

can never. Sarah's attacker was found guilty of her rape, and

sentenced to eight years in prison. The fact that her rapist was tried,

and convicted, sadly makes her case unusual.

According to the British Crime Survey, over 15,000 people reported

being raped last year. But there were just over 1,000 convictions

for rape. That's a massive difference. Clearly, something is

going wrong, I want to know what it is. I think part of the problem is

our attitude to sex. # It must be ass

# Because it ain't your face. are bombarded with explicit sexual

imagery every day. In ads, magazines, TV, phones, the

web, a lot of it portrays women as up for sex, all the time. And men

as dominant and in control. Pornography is more accessible to

young people than ever before. One in four boys accesses porn at

least once a week. Cat, a feminist writer, thinks it

is a serious problem. We have boys and girls now that are, for the

and girls now that are, for the first time in human history. Are

being raised in a pretty much a pornfied culture. If we look at

these image, and these films and so forth, we see that sex is portrayed

as being about power. It is about a man will take it from a woman, he

will do it to her, he will give it to her, it is not about exchange

and communication, and mutual and communication, and mutual

respect. We still have some pretty old

school ideas, that if women behave in a certain way, then they are

shruts. If some men get the wrong idea,

what do they expect. A major study show we have deep-seated

stereotypes about rape in our society. 34% of people thought a

woman was fully or partially responsible for rape if she was

flirting. 30% thought a woman was responsible if she was drunk. 26%

thought a woman was responsible if she was wearing sexy or revealing

clothing. It all, basically, adds up to the idea, that if you get

raped, it is some how your fault. Do you know what really gets me, is

people can still think this way. We all go out with our mates, you get

drunk, have a few drinks, you get dolled up. I just don't understand

how people can still think you are some how asking for it, as like as

though rape is out there waiting for you.

One of the biggest stereotypes is that a rapist will be some stranger

in a dark alley. But, in fact, most women know their attackers.

Things can get even more difficult when an attacker is not just

someone you know, but someone you are in a relationship with.

OK, I want you to go now. The reality of partner rape is

getting more attention these days. In situations like this, it can be

even more difficult for a woman to come forward. Today, I'm meeting

Laura. Several years ago her then boyfriend agreed to take their

relationship slowly, and wait until she was ready for them to sleep

together. One particular night he decided he

wanted what he wanted, and there was no, I didn't really have a say

in it. Laura is not her real name. She's asked us to protect her

identity, because she's never talked publicly about what happened

to her. I was watching a film or something,

I was at his place. I had fallen asleep, I remember waking up with

sim on top of me. -- with him on top of me. And he raped me. I

couldn't believe he had done that. I can't believe that it was someone

that you knew, it was your partner. It is absolutely shocking.

You can't believe it is happening, it feels like it is happening to

someone else. I remember after it happened I left, I went home, I'm

thinking that didn't happen. That didn't happen. In the morning he

called me. He called you? He called me. He said, are you OK? I said, no

I'm not, don't call me. He was like I'm so sorry, I was like just leave

me alone. I kind of put it away. I put it in a box. But it's not

something you can bury, because it changes who you are. It changes you

as a person. Laura chose not to report the rape. And tried to cope

with the trauma alone. Did you tell any family members? No. This is one

of the reasons why I wanted to do this today. People's views on

things, that's what stopped me from telling my family, and going to the

police. People have such defined views on what happens to someone

who is sexually assaulted. I was staying at his house, and people

will have views, if you were there, what did you expect. If it is a

stranger, then it is more acceptable, and just having that,

there is no way I could go. No way. Cases like Laura's are not rare.

According to the Rape Crisis organisation, more than one in five

rapes are perpetrated by a victim's boyfriend or husband.

A year after her attack, Laura finally got counselling. It is not

an instant thing, it is not something that happens overnight,

there is no magic wand. But it is a lifesaver.

I feel really sad for her to have nowhere to go because she didn't

think people would believe her, I can't imagine what that must have

been like for her. Laura's choice to not report crime

is common. In fact, it is estimated that up to 95% of rapes in the UK

are unreported. That could be hundreds of thousands

of victims who are too ashamed or afraid to even talk about it. Let

alone report it to the police. So why are so many victims worried

about the police? It seems like there has been far too many high-

profile report that have criticised police behaviour, and I'm reading

here that the police haven't been taking victims seriously, that rape

hasn't been high enough as a priority, rape hasn't even been a

priority for the police force, and that there is even a culture of

blaming the victim within the police force, which is totally

unacceptable. Today, around half of the incidents

of rape that are reported to the police, don't progress any further.

There have been big efforts to improve services in the last ten

years, including specially-trained officers on every force, and sexual

assault referral centres across England and Wales.

One police force in England that has changed how it investigates

Good afternoon. Lovely to meet you. Thank you for having us.

Operation Blue Stone is a dedicated unit set up in 2009, it has

improved the conviction rates here, and also the numbers of victims

seeing cases through to court. This is the Blue Stone wall of

shame. All of these men were caught by the team. Everyone is completely

different, there is a whole range of people, just you can never tell

by locking at someone. Obviously there is the perception that your

sexual offender will be someone wearing a long raincoat. It

couldn't be further from the truth. Do you have any idea why they might

commit the crimes they do, why they might rape someone? By and large a

lot of it isn't sexual motives, it is control or power. They are

acting out that control. All the officers volunteered for the unit.

They deal with a rape case from reporting to trial. Which means the

victim gets to deal with the same people all the way through the

process. Victims often fear that people

won't believe them, what would you say to someone who would like to

come forward? We have to investigate all lines of inquiry.

What I would always say is anyone coming in and walking through the

door and speaking to one of my officers will be believed. That is

just a given. Many people have a perception that there are flaws in

the system when it is concerned with rape cases. Do you feel that

in any way? I have a very personal view that sometimes the system

feels more biased towards the perpetrators, the pressure often

seems all on the victim. Reporting a rape will usually

involve giving detailed statements about the attack. Answering

questions, and going through a forensic medical examination, to

build up evidence. It is not an easy process for any

victim of a traumatic event. And, unfortunately, going through this

process, is no guarantee that your case will actually get to court.

Today I'm meeting a young girl I'm going to call Natalie. We have to

protect her identity for legal reasons. Natalie was subjected to

an attack that is becoming more common. A gang rape.

Police say sex attacks involving multiple perpetrators have

increased by around 20% in recent years in London alone.

In many cases, victims are targeted by guys they know and think are

their friends. These crimes are difficult to investigate, because

nobody wants to turn in their own crew.

Four years ago, when Natalie was just 16, some guys from her area

started hanging around with her. At first they treated her really well.

I felt very safe around them. They would always be there to protect me

when I was there at parties. They would look after me, to me it felt

like a good bunch of friends. Natalie started dating one of them,

and thought it was a group she could trust. All except for one,

the leader of the group. Whatever he said would go, in their eyes,

whatever he said to do, they would do it. The first time I met him I

didn't like him, I didn't want to be around him. One night, Natalie

was invited over to her boyfriend's house to listen to music. And found

the whole group there. Including the guy she was scared of. Even

though I was the only girl, and there was five guys there, I

thought, these are my friends. I didn't think anything was going to

happen at all. But soon, the lead guy started talking about being

horny, and making sexual comments towards her. I thought, OK, I feel

a bit uncomfortable now, I'm the only female in the room. Then he

got out a box of condom, he started throwing them at me.

The next minute he started lighting matches and then throwing them at

me. Lit matches. Yeah, lit matches. No-one was sticking up for me, I

said what are you doing, everyone was sitting there laughing.

lead guy pulled a couple of the others boys out of the living room.

Then Natalie was called into a bedroom. The guy I thought was

scary was telling me I was supposed to give the other guy oral sex, I

was like what are you talking about, I don't want to do that. He said if

I don't do it he was going to stab me. So this is when I was thinking,

oh my God, what do I do. My friend that I was speaking to, he was like

I kpblt help you, do what he says, other -- can't help you, do what he

says, he will stab you. Natalie's friend agreed to lie and tell the

others she had given him oral sex. Then the lead guy came back into

the bedroom. He came and sat next to me on the

bed, I was sitting in the dark on the bed. He had a knife to my

throat, he told me if I didn't have sex with him he would rape me. I

kind of thought, what should I do, I don't want to say yes, and end up

having sex with a stranger I don't even like. I didn't want to say no,

and then get attacked. But then I had no choice, I had a knife to my

throat, I had sex or I was raped by him. After he had raped me, he told

the guy that I was dating to come in and rape me as well. So then he

raped me. And then after that his little brother came in, it was like

they were taking turns with me, basically, one after another. I was

sore, I just wanted to leave. Even after I got raped by his little

brother, the main perpetrator came in again, and he had round two of

The boys took turns raping Natalie for hours.

She was only able to get away the next morning when her boyfriend's

parents came in. Later that day, Natalie broke down

and told her mum what had happened. They went to the police to report

the rapes. Natalie then endured months of anxious waiting to face

her attackers in court. I went to the court, they told me where I was

going to sit, where the perpetrator was going to sit and what would go

on that day. But she never got the chance. I think it was the next day,

I got a phone call saying that I'm not needed in court any more. And

that the case had been dropped. did it get dropped? Because they

said there was a lack of evidence, and there wasn't a high enough

percentage of chance that I was going to win the case.

Natalie had to get in touch with the Crown Prosecution Service to

arrange a meeting to discuss the case.

It was horrible, they were so cold about it. I was angry at this point,

because I was trying to tell them how I felt. Even if I didn't win

the case, at least I would have had a step to talk out about what

happened, so I could put my point across. They were saying they can't

see any point in me going and putting me through the trauma, to

then be let down and know I'm going to lose the case any way. To me I

have had no closure or justice on the case. So it felt like I had

been through all that trauma, and all those statements, all the

filming, the forensics, I went through all of that for no reason.

Natalie is moving forward with her life. But can't escape reminders

that her attackers got away with what they did. I have seen them

quite a few times, he's living life. I don't even know if he remembers

me, to tell you the truth. That is what hurts the most. Because I will

always remember him, I don't know if he would even remember me.

I would like to find out about what really goes on in the CPS, because

it sounds like they are not really doing their job. Or you know,

especially in Natalie's case, that they have done their job badly.

I want some answers about what's going wrong.

A senior prosecutor from the Crown Prosecution Service has agreed to

meet me. Alison, why is it that more cases don't get to court?

There are a number of reasons. We look at you will the evidence and

decide is a conviction -- and all the evidence and decide is a

conviction likely or not. Very often people think it is because we

don't believe them, but it is not, it is because we can't demonstrate

to the court and to a jury that there is sufficient evidence there.

Quite often we find that victims decide they don't want to go

through the process themselves. I met a girl who suffered a

horrendous ordeal, multiperpetrator attack, she reported it to the

police, went through months of preparation for the trial, and the

day before she was meant to go into court her case was dropped by the

CPS due to lack of evidence. Why would something like this happen?

obviously can't comment on that particular case, as I don't know

that particular case, but certainly in any case where we are not going

ahead, we ought to be explaining the victim why we are not going

ahead, so she understands. The CPS dropped more than half the

rape cases brought to them by the police. Ultimately, just one in

four reported rapes actually ends up in court. So, if you have been

raped and your case does go to trial, you are one of the very few

lucky ones. Although, it probably won't feel

like it. Where would a victim stand?

victim would have to come all the way...Hannah Is a legal expert for

the rights of women, they support victims going through the trial. So

the victim is actually a witness? Yes, the victim is the prime

witness for the prosecution case. So the first witness that they

would call. They don't get a lawyer? No, the victim has the

Crown Prosecution Service lawyer. They don't have a lawyer of their

own. I cannot imagine, you are standing here, and you just know

that someone who attacked you is standing there. That must feel

horrible. Do people find it really tough? I think everyone who has

given evidence would say that they find it, it's not a pleasant

experience at all. I think that some people would experience an

element of satisfaction in actually telling people what happened. But I

think it is really, really important to appreciate that this

can be a difficult process, and the best thing to do is to get as much

support and advice as you can do before you actually deciding to

through this process. A victim would be in here, reliving

through everything again, and people firing questions at you, and

questioning what happened, and they are doubting what you are saying.

It must be really difficult. Victims now have the option to

testify behind a screen, or via videolink. Some women choose to

face their attacker in court, like Sarah, the young woman I met in

Aberdeen. She was. Prepared for the ordeal she then experienced. I was

terrified of him, he was a monster in my mind. I needed to face that

fear. I really needed to see him, and realise that he wasn't this

terrifying person, he was pathetic. At the end of that I felt good. I

felt good. I felt like I had accomplished something. But things

changed, as soon as the defence stood up. You can't prepare

yourself for someone accusing you of things that you haven't done,

when you are not even on trial, and no-one stops them. No-one objected,

no-one said this is wrong. He accused me of liking rough sex, he

accused me of saying "harder, harder" during my rape. He accused

me of liking it. Generally things like that. It was horrific. It was

horrific. I thought I was the victim, but at that point I felt

like a criminal. For some victims, like Sarah, the

experience of court feels almost like being attacked all over again.

I want to understand why rape trials can be like this. I'm going

to meet Tim, a defence solicitor, whose job it is to help defend

suspected rapists in court. I found with some of the victims that we

have spoken to, that they have had a really hard time with the defence

barristers, to the extent it has just been almost like a secondary

victimisation, is what they have called it. What is it that you ask

them? As an adversarial system, it means it is one side against the

other, the prosecution bring the case, the defence have to contest

it. If you have a client who is guilty, how do you defend that in

court? If somebody has pleaded guilty, in that scenario we would

then try to mitigate or explain the offence. It could be somebody who

otherwise has an impecable background, never committed an

offence before, family person, perhaps working, but in one

situation has stepped over the line, and made a mistake. There could

have been two people out having drinks, going out together, and so

on, but then somebody take it is too far, or misreads the other

person's intentions. Surely no means no? Surely no means no, that

goes without saying. I find it tough on one level to understand

how you can remain professional and not let something that is so severe

and horrendous that is happening to a victim, for example, not affect

you? The problem is, it is a flawed system, of course, you can't

guarantee you will get to the truth. But you allow the evidence to be

tested. As long as there is equality of arms between the

prosecution and defence, that is invariably what happens.

Essentially what Tim was saying, is they may have a good character

"except for the rape", surely if someone has raped someone, it tells

a lot more about their good character than they have before.

I would find it difficult to remain objective in Tim's position, but in

the end defence lawyers are just doing their jobs within the current

legal system. Ultimately, the decision in a rape

trial comes down to the ordinary people on a jury.

Directly reflecting how our society thinks about rape. Today I'm

meeting Jane, a young woman raped by a man she thought she knew well.

She was staying over at a friend's. In the middle of the night she woke

up to find her friend's boyfriend in bed with her.

I had fallen asleep and woke up, he was behind me. Raping me.

I realised it had to be him, he was the only male in the house. I

didn't fight, I didn't retaliate in any way. Because I was so shocked,

I had known this man for several years, I trusted him. I just, I

froze. When he realised Jane was awake, he

left the room. Jane left and reported the attack to the police

almost immediately. But she then had to wait 16 months for the trial.

It was the worst time of my life. I would have always said that I was

quite a strong person, I was very outgoing and sociable, a happy

person. I lost that. I lost all of that. I just was somebody that I

didn't even recognise any more. The prosecution team didn't meet

with Jane until just a week or so before the trial. It was all very

rushed. They always stressed to expect disappointment, because they

very often see it in rape cases, where violence was not part of the

act. But they also, on the other hand, were telling me, this is the

strongest case. Your evidence points towards winning it.

Jane's attacker denied raping her. It wasn't until he was actually on

the stand that we found out what his defence was. That was basically

that he couldn't remember, he had no recollection. He was saying he

couldn't remember? Yeah. So myself and my family were sitting in court

looking at each other going, it doesn't add up. You know people

have to see through this. How can a jury sit and listen to, I don't

remember. So what if you don't remember, it was never consensual,

there was never consent there. accused was then asked if he could

explain the forensic evidence taken from Jane? He said he accepted

something must have happened, but he has no recollection of what. And

that he can assume that it was consensual sex.

Jane was surprised to see how some members of the jury acted. To be

honest, a lot of them looked like they didn't want to be there, and

they were bothered, when the jury were sent out to -- bored, when the

jury were sent out and discuss the verdict and come back with the

result, a lot of the lawyers expected them to come back quite

quickly. His own defence barrister approached my prosecution barrister

and his words were "do these people not know how to spell guilty",

because he believed that he was not walking free.

On the second day, without a unanimous verdict, the judge asked

the jury to reach a majority decision instead. What was the

majority decision? Not guilty. can't believe it. Ten people on

that jury said he was not guilty. Numb doesn't even describe it, I

can't describe how I felt when they read that verdict out. There was

one particular girl in the jury who instantly burst into tears, and

turned to me and my family and mouthed the word "sorry". Do you

have any inclination as to why the jury said no guilty? The judge

tells them they have to be 100% certain of the verdict, in my eyes

it is bizarre, it is not right. It is human nature to have doubt and

to have your own opinions. Despite the verdict, Jane is still glad she

reported the attack. I felt I had done the right thing. I didn't let

him away with it. I could have just went home that night and said

nothing. I didn't let him ruin me. I don't know how, but I'm here, I

survived it. The senior CPS prosecutor I met, is

concerned about the decisions some juries are reaching in rape trials.

What we are finding is that the largest single reason for cases not

succeeding is jury acquittals. We know that the majority of cases we

are prosecuting now, it is young girls, there are drink or drugs

involved. They know the offender, they have either been in a

relationship with him or they know him. So it makes you wonder if that

sort of case has an impact on the jury, and the jury perhaps have

misconceptions around some of the stereotypes, that they don't

realise they are bringing into the jury room.

So even if a victim of rape gets past all the hurdles in our justice

system, to have their day in court, they still come up against the

prejudices we hold about rape in society.

We seem to focus more on how the victim might have been responsible

instead of blaming rapists. Why is it that so many people are

raped, but so many perpetrators are not brought to justice? Because, on

the whole, we don't believe women, we don't believe that this is

happening, but the reality is, women are being raped on a

staggering scale. But our heads are stuck in the sand, and the criminal

justice system has got its fingers in its ears, it is not listening to

women, it is not dealing with the reality. It is seen as this natural

hazard that women have to be careful of, for example when they

are coming home late at night, when they have been to the pub, they

just need to take the necessary precautions, and if they are

responsible, then it will all be OK. As if it is like the weather. But

we're talking about violent acts, done for a purpose. People decide

to rape, they make a choice, and they have an intent.

Rape is not an inevitable force of nature, we can improve our systems

for dealing with it. But we should be trying to stop it happening in

the first place. Most rapes are perpetrated by a

small minority of men. Yet, I almost never hear anyone asking men

what they think about rape. So I'm meeting up with a group of young

men from a community project in London, who are willing to talk to

me about it. I want to know what they think of

the idea that women could bring rape upon themselves.

I don't think anyone could ask for that. But they could put themselves

in a situation where it's likely to happen. Say a girl is dressed in a

certain way, you are in a club, a girl is coming towards you, and you

know, you are acting friendly and you are buying drinks and

everything seems OK, and then it gets to a point where a guy could

be taking that a certain way, and thinking all systems go. So she's

leading someone on? Yes. But do you think it could end in rape?

could, but whether it warrants, I don't think it should. But then

again some girls do seem they like they want to have sex because of

the way they dress and act around boys, they are dressed like that

going out nightclubing. Just because someone is wearing a short

skirt doesn't mean they want action? It is the whole thing about

how you perceive that person, sometimes a woman want to look good.

Some men don't have an understanding of that situation.

Because women will never tell you, I like you. Let's go upstairs! It

don't work like that. We're not lucky like that, you know what I'm

saying, where J-Lo will come on to us, we have to work, we have to

read the signs, we have to work it out. Obviously sometimes guys, I

think they jump the gun at sometimes. The thing is, it is that

kind of attitude and mentality which leads to things happening,

girls put in a situation, which has led to rape. What can we do about

those attitudes, how can we stop that happening? You can educate

people into making the right decisions, which is all about

teaching young girls and guys about the signs that girls may give off,

that may not necessarily mean I want this. As people we need to

understand the damage of the things we cause, by this action you are

damaging a life, maybe we need to learn that as the people to

understand we can't do this to people, it is more than just one

night, it is for the rest of their lives. The guys think there are

grey areas around boundaries and signals that need to be worked out.

Does that mean there is general confusion among young people about

what is and what isn't OK. I'm meeting Mercy, a young person's

adviser at the Haven Sexual Assault Referral Centre in ease Len done,

she helps hundreds of -- East London, she helps hundreds of

people who have been raped and sexually assaulted each year.

of people don't think oral sex is sex. A lot of girls look at me as

if to say, wow, I didn't know that was an offence. I didn't even know

oral sex was sex. When you say rape, everyone automatically thinks of a

vagina. They don't think about the Anne news or the mouth. So -- anus,

or the mouth. Also digital assault, fingering, a lot of people don't

think that is a sexual assault. There are people out there doing

this and don't realise they are committing a crime. There are

victims out there that don't even know they are a victim. When

discussing consent, who is responsible, the boy or the girl?

think the boy needs to be asking the girl, do you want to have sex.

But again if she's under the influence of alcohol or drugs, her

yes could mean no, and her no could mean yes, you are not in a position

to make that choice for her and go ahead and have full sex with her,

you are not in that position, just don't have sex with somebody who is

intoxicated with alcohol or under the influence of drugs, because

that is automatically rape. haven has carried out research

about young people and attitudes towards consent called Where Is

Your Line, and made a film to go with their findings, their results

were worrying. One in ten young men would expect someone to have sex

with them after kissing. Almost one in ten young women have

said no to sex but been ignored. More than half of the young adults

surveyed say they would not be put off sex if their partner was crying.

It is unbelievable. The survey results make me feel

like we have a serious problem, and the fact that young people think it

is normal to possibly have sex with someone when they are asleep, that

they think it is normal for a girl to cry when they are having sex,

they are really shocking statistics, they are really shocking attitudes.

I think that we need to do everything that we possibly can in

order to fight those attitudes. One thing the guys were absolutely

right about, being raped changes a life forever.

But the survivors I have met prove that it doesn't have to mean your

life is ruined. You can move on, and even become stronger.

Back in Scotland, I'm visiting a charity of young survivors of

sexual assault. Nicole Campbell set up SAVI with

her mum, two years ago. I decided to launch the programme

because when I was 14 I was actually raped by my friend's dad,

we found no help at all, through the court process, especially that

was where I was most vulnerable, and I needed support. There was

nothing there for me or my family. Nicole was raped when she was

staying over at her friend's house. His dad gave her alcohol and

insisted that she stay the night. Basically just went to sleep, and

the next thing I know I was like, it was like some pressure on me, I

felt a bit sore and uncomfortable, I opened my eyes and his dad was

there. He was raping me while I was sleeping. I was still a virgin at

the time, that is pretty much how I lost that. Nicole was afraid that

no-one would believe her, but her friends convinced her to tell her

parents. With their support she reported the rape to the police.

But the attack had a terrible effect on her. I was using negative

coping strategies to deal with things, because I didn't know the

proper way to deal with things. I started getting bullied in school

because were saying I was lying and that I wanted to sleep with him. I

started cutting myself, actually carving into the top of my leg,

that is how I felt. Nicole testified against her attacker in

court. He was convicted for her rape. I wanted to make sure he

couldn't do it to anyone else, that is why I wanted him put behind bars.

Really the worst trauma starts after. You just have no way of

dealing with things. The only thing I could turn to block out my

feelings was alcohol, and stuff like that, just anything that was

going to take me away from feeling the way I did at that time. I

really hated myself, I really didn't care about myself at all. It

wouldn't have made a difference to me if I was alive or not at that

time. What was the turning point for you? Basically, I woke up and I

realised I was letting him win, and I wasn't prepared to do that. I

didn't go through everything I went through to make sure that he got

put behind bars, I did not go through all of that for nothing.

Nicole sought help to get her own head straight, and then trained as

a counsellor. The feeling that I got after I

helped one client, I was buzzing. I was so hyperafter I saw them going

away -- hyper after I saw them going away happy. Even that

continued to help me, and continued to make me stronger, and understand

people a lot better. Do you have any thoughts on why you think

perpetrators may do what they do? think it is control, to then play

out their sick fantasies, whatever they have in their mind, their sick

thoughts, it is control. It makes them feel powerful being able to

take what they take from this person. I have kept my power, I

have taken it back. I just want every other victim out there to

know they can do exactly the same. No-one has the right to take that

away from you, that is your's, that is your power, that is your pride,

that is everything you work on, your confidence, don't let anyone

take that away from you, no matter what happens. Don't ever for one

second think that they have won, because they have not.

Meeting Nicole really affected me. I think taking one of the worst

things that could ever happen to you, and finding a way to make it

into something so positive takes real courage.

I just found it so inspiring, it made me think, what are you doing

with your life. It was like, this is so incredible, and I was just a

bit embarrassed, you are like, it made me really think what am I

doing to help people. I was just like what an incredible bird.

Talking to Nicole gave me a real sense of hope. Maybe she could do

the same for one of the other survivors that I have met.

I just pray one day I have one day where I don't think about what

happened, I don't think about him, I don't think about his name, the

feeling of him grab my arms. I know that day will come, eventually. It

wasn't that long ago, I guess. These things take time.

I want Nicole and Sarah to meet. They have a lot in common. Like

Nicole, Sarah's rapist was convicted. Hiya.

This is Sarah, Sarah this is Nicole. Pleased to meet you. OK thank you.

Shall we grab a cup of tea. But Nicole's attacker has now been

released from prison. Something that Sarah is dreading. He still

has this power over me in prison, that is the thing that I hate, I

hate that he still has this power over me. It wasn't that long ago,

it was only a year ago. He doesn't have any control over you, you have

put him behind bars. The only reason that I think that people do

this is because they are powerless themselves, they want to take power

from other people. Obviously they have seen that you are a strong

person. Now he is behind bars, you can start to rebuild your life and

move forward. You just need to have the best life you can and put your

two fingers up, basically. I really admire the defiance and

determination that Nicole and Sarah have. Rape or sexual assault is one

of the most henous crimes out there, it is one of the most horrific

things that can happen to a person. But having met Sarah and Nicole, it

shows me they have regained that power, and they have moved on with

their life, in such an incredible and admirable way, that they are

helping other people going through the same thing. I just, it is just

amazing. I don't really know what the word for it is, I'm struggling

to find it. I just think, wow. For all the bravery and strength of

the survivors that I have met, it is pretty clear that women have an

incredibly tough time going through the system here in the UK. Even the

women who have seen their rapists go to prison. And our society's

attitudes to rape and its victims are a huge part of what makes it so

difficult. Rape is still a taboo subject, but

the fact is it is happening every single day, we need to start

talking about it. Victims shouldn't feel like they are to blame or in