Episode 1 Prison, My Family and Me

We all expect things from people we love.

If you've got someone that you can lean on...

..that's all you need from a mum.

This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

I believe the role of a father is to be supportive, caring,

protective...erm, someone who would guide his children.

A boyfriend should be there for you...no matter what.

So how do you cope

when someone close to you is locked up for committing a terrible crime?

I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to see nobody.

I felt my whole world was destroyed.

Hi, guys, I'm Amy.

Mum's been in prison.

When he was last out of prison I did go a bit off the rails.

I just hope we can...build our relationship back again.

This film follows the stories of four extraordinary young women

whose lives are turned upside down by having a loved one behind bars.

He was asleep, and she just went downstairs,

got a knife and...stabbed him.

Filmed over 18 months, their lives take dramatic turns.

That makes me look like a right...dirty person, really.

'However you paint it, she killed someone. I don't care what anyone says.'

No-one has the right to do that. No-one.

As they face the challenges of loving someone

on the wrong side of the law.

No crime is worth committing if you know what you'll miss out on.

If you have a family.

Woman kills man.

No, mother kills man.

WOMAN SINGS CLASSICAL PIECE

This is Amy. She's 18 and studying music and English at university.

Four years ago her mum was convicted of manslaughter.

Amy hasn't wanted to see her since.

Social worker's like..."So, do you want to see your mum?"

"No, thank you." "Are you sure?" "I'm really sure," I would go.

And the next time, "Do you want to see your mum?"

It's like...I think I have every right to decide not to see her.

Amy has just started her first term at university

and is living in a room on campus.

I've always been this kind of weird girl...

who's got a messed-up family and everything.

You start uni and then... it's all I am now, I'm just myself.

I've been waiting for a long time to be...just me.

That, with the double chin, is my boyfriend.

Erm...it's a really unfortunate shot of him!

That's my budget! Well, it's meant to be at least.

You're a bit of a bookworm, aren't you? What do you like about reading?

You get away.

You don't have to think about anything when you read, do you? Just...

I like, erm, yeah, fairy-tales and...magic and everything.

-What do you like about Disney?

-Happy endings.

Same with the books. Everything's good in Disney.

Always ends up good.

You can't have a bad ending in Disney.

Apart from Lion King, when Mufasa dies, but even that ends up OK.

So it's all right! No, I like happy endings.

Everything should have happy endings.

I was quite young here as well. This was in Tobago.

No, it wasn't. Cyprus.

-That's Nigel there.

-Is that you?

-Yeah! In the middle.

These were HER photos.

'All the arguments between our mum and Nigel.'

It's like Wuthering Heights. They have, er, Cathy and Heathcliff.

I have no doubt that they loved each other

but it was just... it was an awful relationship.

They hated each other as much as they loved each other.

And they couldn't... Because of that, I think it was because...

they hated each other so much, they didn't know what to do with it.

But, at the same time, doesn't matter how you paint it,

she killed someone.

I don't care what anyone says.

No-one has the right to do that.

No-one.

This is Leanne. She's 22 and lives in Leicester with her two sons.

You fell over again!

Leanne's boyfriend of four years and father to the boys

is currently on remand in Leicester Prison.

The first thing that attracted me to him...

when he was younger he looked like Lampard. Frank Lampard!

He doesn't any more.

Erm...that's made me go really red!

Oh, there's a picture of me and Kyle before we had the baby.

Erm...

he's always wanted to have him in his hands.

Showing an interest in Manchester United.

He's never the kind to get into trouble. That's what I've always liked about him.

He's never really been, like, a violent type or...

or controlling or anything like that.

So I never thought I'd be in any sort of...

..any sort of problems, really, with him.

But just a few months ago Kyle violently attacked another man

in a fit of rage.

When I found out what he'd done I was really shocked.

Really, really shocked.

I never thought that Kyle would ever end up...hurting someone in that way.

As well as coming to terms with Kyle's crime,

Leanne's also had to adapt to life as a single mum,

looking after Riley, four, and Tyler

who was born only 8 weeks ago.

Riley, don't hit, it's not nice.

Riley.

I think Riley misses Kyle loads.

Loads.

So many times,

he wants his daddy.

This little piggy had beef.

This little piggy did this, that little piggy did that.

And this little piggy went, "Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

'It used to be nice watching them always play together,

'watching them do things, watching them bond.

'And when he's been upset,'

when I've told him off about something he says, "I want my daddy!"

'I remember on Riley's first birthday

'they were managing to throw a ball to each other.

'It was really sweet. I've got a little video of it.'

Hey!

'He won't be able to do that with Tyler on his first birthday.'

Ready? Wahey!

A dad needs to be there for their children.

'I was majorly disappointed in him.

'Majorly. I didn't think'

that he'd ever...

use a weapon in any way.

Leanne's mum

and her mum's partner come over regularly to offer support.

'We bring some food round.

'We've been doing some decorating as well.'

It's tough. I was a single parent myself, with three of them,

so it's tough.

I know she needs the support.

I worry about you,

so I'll be pestering you, almost.

Are you all right? Anything you do - "ar-ar-ar!"

I think it's going to be quite difficult, to start with.

I want somebody to love her and treat her like a princess.

That's what I have got and...

Yeah, I want somebody to treasure her and treat her...

Somebody who's there for her.

'Mum's not a great fan of Kyle,'

but I think when it comes to mums and daughters,

it's always, like, "I want the best for my daughter,

' "and I want her to be treated like a princess

' "and get everything that she wants."

'But life's not like that,

'so I think they have to kind of accept that.'

You know, no-one's ever good enough for someone's daughter, are they?

RILEY: Four, five, six. LEANNE: Yeah!

Kyle's been in prison on remand

since the night of the assault.

In less than a week, he will be sentenced at court.

Only then will Leanne find out

exactly how long she faces without him.

I remember saying to Kyle,

"Well, there's nothing set in stone,

"because until I know what you're getting sentenced,

"I can't promise that I'm going to be there for you, after.

"It's only after sentencing can I say that yeah, I'll be there, or no,

"I won't."

BABY TYLER CRIES

I hate the waiting game, that's what I hate. It's what drives you mental.

I am extremely nervous

and I'm anxious.

Worried.

It determines what's going to happen over the next few years.

Not days or weeks or months, it's years.

This is Catia. She's 17 years old,

studies childcare at college and lives with her mum in Slough.

She's been seeing her boyfriend, Jed, for about a year.

My first impressions was that he was really sexy

and I quite liked his personality.

He seemed really, like, genuine. His eyes are just so nice,

but it's not just his eyes, obviously, like,

it's just him all over.

21-year-old Jed is a serial offender

with over a dozen prison sentences in the last five years,

including convictions for drugs, weapons and violent assault.

They met just as Jed had been released from prison

and within weeks he was back inside for committing commercial burglary.

We've been going out for nearly a year.

He's been out of prison two of those months.

But, because of all the letters and phone calls and things we talk about,

we do feel really close.

"To my baby girl. I just wanted to send you this card,

"to let you know how much I adore you and that I will always love you

"and to me you are perfect in every single way.

"With all my love

"and may we spend the rest of our lives together.

"Love you for ever and ever.

"Your Nelly." I nicknamed him Nelly.

Smiley face and loads of kisses.

That made me smile.

I think I had a tear in my eye when I saw that.

I can see peoples' point of view when they do question,

is it true love? Because he's in and out of prison you're not always together. But it is true love.

That's how I feel, that's how he feels. That's how it is.

Only she knows and only he knows whether it's true love or not.

I have no idea.

If they're still together in ten years,

then I'll say, "Yeah, it was love."

Until then, nah.

Catia's mum has never met Jed

and has concerns for when he's released next month.

So when did you actually find out he had been in and out of prison?

A couple of weeks after the first time I met him, like, proper,

and he just explained a couple of things he'd done -

burglary, possession of drugs, weapon...

Bullshit.

He's not a murderer and he's not... nothing else.

Fair enough, but he's still a criminal.

There's loads of people out there don't go to prison,

-don't go around burgling people's houses.

-Like who?

-Like who?

-Because when you live in Lismore, Rico...

-Me!

You're my uncle(!)

I know, but you know what I'm saying.

PHONE PINGS

Lots of young men out there have never, ever

and probably never will be, in trouble.

They're the ones that go to university, ones I can't be with

-because they're so wrapped up in geography.

-No, not really.

'I probably am attracted to bad boys.'

I wouldn't like a geeky boy.

But then I don't really want a man that's in and out of prison.

When I first heard that Catia was seeing a criminal,

I was really upset.

Anybody would be, wouldn't they?

It's a nightmare, isn't it?

The things that worry me,

is Cat turning into a criminal and following in his footsteps.

You know, you are who you hang around with.

If you hang round with a load of nutters,

you're going to end up a nutter.

His reputation is being a jailbird,

in and out of prison,

the local thug.

I think, at first, it put me off a little bit,

because I couldn't see my life being with someone like that,

but I got to know him and I thought,

"He sounds like he wants to help himself get out of that situation,"

and it'll be good for someone like me to help him,

someone not in that situation, to help him get out of it.

If I love him that much then I want to help him, which I do.

In London, Amy has finished her first term at university.

She's travelling back home to her Aunt Cassie's house in Kent.

Cassie is Amy's mum's sister...

Hello!

..and she's looked after Amy and her two younger siblings

since their mum was arrested four years ago.

I'm not Mum, but I had to take on that mum role.

How cool was that in the car earlier?

'She still comes back every weekend.

'She still treats this place like a home.

'Hopefully, she's had enough stability'

to cushion any damage

that may have been done.

Amy's mum and her stepdad, Nigel,

were together for most of Amy's childhood.

This was the collage we made.

Me and Shaun made this, for Nigel.

Both parents were heavy drinkers

and their relationship was turbulent.

Always arguing...

Bookcases down the stairs.

I remember at Christmas, the police came Christmas Eve

and our TVs were downstairs.

They'd been, like, thrown down the stairs, or something.

Or...

like, glass in the front door being punched in.

The painting I did here -

very minimalist!

It was a birthday present for both of them.

-For who?

-Nigel and my mum, their birthdays are three days apart.

"I got you a joint pressie. I did it myself, so it's not perfect.

"Have a good birthday."

The house that Amy and her family lived in

is only round the corner from where she lives now.

I don't know. It's one of those things

that I wouldn't go out of my way to walk past.

There's always other routes, isn't there?

The lighter coloured, the second one along,

that's our house - WAS our house.

And the window, that was my bedroom.

That was our mum's room,

that one, Mum's and Nigel's.

Not a nice feeling.

'He was asleep.'

They were in bed and he was asleep

and she just got up

and went downstairs and got the knife.

Stabbed him in his sleep.

It's just cold.

"A woman has been charged with murder

"after a man was found dead at a house in Chatham.

"She will appear before Medway magistrates today.

"Blinds were drawn yesterday at the house now at the centre

"of a murder inquiry."

Yeah, I felt empty.

Really empty.

Seasoned with shame. I'll just put that in there!

After Amy's mum was arrested,

the murder charge was changed to manslaughter

on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

Amy's mum was moved to a secure psychiatric hospital,

where she is currently serving an indefinite sentence.

Amy has never visited her.

Leanne's boyfriend, Kyle,

has pleaded guilty to a serious knife attack.

Not long ago I got my hair done

and I told the hairdresser

and I said, "What would you do if it was your partner?"

She said, "I don't think I'd be able to stick by him,"

because...

well...

didn't think your boyfriend would be capable of something like that.

Since he's been in prison,

the background of the case has been made public.

My phone rang and it was his mum

and she rang to say,

"He's got a big photo of him in the paper."

God!

I just don't want to see his face somewhere.

It's just going to pop out. Oh, God!

It's there.

Look, oh, he looks awful!

Oh, my God!

"Kyle Saddington, 23, armed himself with a hammer

"and went to the victim's home in the early hours of the morning,

"after hearing the mother of his two children

"had struck up a relationship with the man."

'There was a time, not long before the incident,

'where he'd got a new job and he was spending less time with us,

'which made us grow apart a bit.

'I'd met up with one of his closest friends at the time, a few times,'

and then that made Kyle immediately think we were up to no good.

So, he'd went round to his friend's house to warn him away

and they ended up having a fight.

During the fight, Kyle used a knife to attack the victim.

It caught him on the throat,

there and there.

It was an attack both of jealousy and rage, yeah.

I think in those few minutes he was having a fight,

I don't think he stopped to think about us, when that happened.

Just portrayed to be a really violent person.

BABY TYLER CRIES

And the fact that I was six months pregnant with a second child,

and I'm apparently in a relationship with a man,

that makes me look like a right...dirty person, really.

BABY CRIES

-Mummy!

-Yeah?

-Mum?

-Yeah?

-Kyle's in the paper.

Do you want to see it?

It's not very good at all.

Oh, dear.

Doesn't show you in a good light either, does it?

That's what I said.

What's Riley going to say when he sees his dad like that in the paper

with that sort of heading? Nobody thinks about that side.

A few weeks later, Kyle writes from prison,

concerned that because of what he's done, Leanne has stopped loving him.

He's, like, really worried that I wasn't going to stay with him.

So he says, "You all right, baby?" is the first thing.

"I'm really worried about losing you.

"I won't give you a reason for us to break up

"so it'll be down to you to stay strong.

"I love you to pieces and you'll see when I'm out

"you weren't wrong to give me a chance.

"Each day that goes by I realise more and more what a twat

"and selfish person I was being.

"Each day that passes by I miss you so much more.

"Also, what'd you reckon, five years' time, me in a black suit,

"you in a white dress, priest says, 'Do you take her for your wife?'

" 'Yes.' What would your response be?"

Every relationship has a rollercoaster.

This is one of the low points, I guess.

'Who wants to be known for having a boyfriend in prison?'

It's not the best thing in the world, is it,

to be known for having a criminal as a boyfriend?

Cai, come and get your toast.

Can't you bring it up?

No, don't be lazy, man!

Me and my mum have always been quite close cos my dad's not been around.

Should put a bigger coat on, but I can't be bothered.

You should, you've got 'em.

I'm not being funny, that's really thin and you're always cold.

'She is actually a lovely girl,'

but she does have her moments, I suppose, like most teenagers.

But she can be really fun on a good day.

Catia's relationship with her mum was put to the test last year

in the two months Jed was out.

When he was last out of prison I did go a bit off the rails,

you know, staying out and not coming home at all,

and just having no respect for my mum's home

because I was in and out whenever I wanted.

'Our relationship started going downhill in about March,

'and I think that's when she actually started seeing him.

'So he did influence her and our relationship.'

There was a point when I was on the verge of chucking her out, because of her attitude.

Since Jed is released again in only a few weeks' time,

Catia's mum has concerns that history will repeat itself.

-As long as you don't behave the way you behaved last year.

-Mm-mm.

-I know that.

-Yeah. I hope you mean that.

-Yeah, I do.

-Well, you do just need to be careful.

Well. you're not stupid anyway, so...

Well...not most of the time, anyway.

'I probably did upset my mum.

'If it was my kid I would have felt the same.'

And by looking at it in someone else's shoes you do tend to...

think about it more and try and have a reaction to change that.

When he comes out of prison, she needs to stay

the way she is being now, as opposed to going back to what she was.

It was quite upsetting.

Yeah.

Not good at times.

But hopefully we're getting there now.

I hope so. Sorry.

SHE SOBS

Sorry.

I just hope we can... build our relationship back again.

SHE SNIFFS

Neelam is 20 and lives in Birmingham with her extended family.

I've always been a daddy's girl.

I don't know why, I just always had this attachment with my dad.

He used to come through the alleyway, through here,

and I used to be like, sometimes, after prayer,

I used to be standing here and I used to be looking at my dad,

and then I used to run downstairs and start looking and stuff,

because I knew my dad was going to have something to eat.

There's my dad. He's got me picked up and us two are standing there.

'My father was a very loving man, very caring.

'He was very considerate, he was very supportive,

'and he was more than a father,'

he was more than a friend. He was just...everything to me.

He was my world.

This is my brother's birthday film. There's my dad.

In 2009, when Neelam was just 17,

her father was arrested for attempted murder.

The prosecution case was that Neelam's dad

and a gang of local people, including her two brothers,

attacked a man they had a disagreement with,

and that Neelam's dad stabbed him twice in the chest.

Her two brothers were acquitted of attempted murder,

but her father was found guilty and sentenced to 15 years.

When he went, my whole world just shattered.

In the morning, my grandma had been very sad.

She was crying, my aunt was crying. I come downstairs,

my mum was like, "What happened?

And me and my sister said, "What's happened? Why is everyone crying?"

And she was like, "He's been sentenced to 15 years."

That's all we heard and we just all broke down.

I didn't want to see daylight, I didn't want to get up,

I didn't want to see nobody, I didn't want nobody to be there.

I felt my whole world was destroyed.

I miss everything about him - his smile, his laughter,

the way he'd laugh, the way he'd joke.

I still remember all them things even though that's no longer there.

I remember each and every bit of it.

I look at this picture and it's bringing a lot of memories.

This was his room and I'm sitting in the seat that my dad used to sit in the most.

He used to have friends over who'd sit with him and tell us jokes.

This room was such a live room. Today it's died out.

'Since her father's arrest, her mum has been ill with depression,

'so it's been down Neelam to look after her mum, gran and four siblings.'

I had to grow up at a very vulnerable age.

I had to take on a lot of hassle and responsibilities.

It's just my daily chores.

Cooking, cleaning, taking my brother to school.

Just the normal... Laundry, washing...

You adjust to it, to be honest with you.

You adjust with what you have to undertake, what responsibilities.

You just get used to it.

I had a lot of dreams, especially on school days, like a doctor,

solicitor, psychiatrist.

I wanted to travel the world. I had loads of ideas.

An artist, story writer...

But that was then.

'With Neelam's career dreams on hold,

'her focus is on holding her family together, and her dad's legal case.'

'She doesn't accept the official version of events

'and believes that her father was wrongly identified.'

'Neelam's decided to contest the guilty verdict.'

From day one I decided I will help my dad, I will prove him innocent.

He had no previous convictions, he was a hard-working family man

who worked most of his life maintaining the family.

I don't see why he would do that. He wouldn't.

He wasn't that type of person.

As his daughter, it's my duty to help my dad,

knowing that he's been there for us.

He's worked all of his life for us. He was there in our hard times.

He did everything for us. I feel this is the least I can do. That's my dad.

He's my first priority.

Amy's back at university.

She's now in the middle of her second term.

There's loads of different opportunities at uni.

Every society or club is there, so you basically take your pick.

I sign up to everything.

Chess society, tea society, sci-fi society... I did everything.

'At the university horse-riding club,

'Amy met her new friend Amanda.'

Tell me how much you talk about each other's home life

and things like that and how all that got broached with you?

I don't remember how we discussed it.

Stuff like that... I'm quite close with Amanda so I don't mind.

She basically just dropped it into conversation one time.

I think we might've been talking about finance,

and she was like, "I automatically got halls cos I'm in care",

and I didn't actually want to ask any questions so I didn't.

I just thought, when she tells me, she tells me,

I'm not going to pry into her personal life.

It just came out over a few weeks.

I do remember saying, "I'm sorry," like when someone dies,

and you're like, "I'm sorry for your loss."

You just don't know what else to say.

I just take the mick out so much, when people say sorry.

It's like, yeah.

Do you never worry that people will judge you?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so people assume.

I can't imagine thinking like that. Would people actually think that?

That seems really horrible to me

because you know her and she's amazing.

There's nothing her mum's ever done could change the person Amy is.

I don't think it's related at all, she's awesome.

You're such a sweetheart!

Outside of university,

social workers are still encouraging Amy to make contact with her mum.

But she still continues to defend her right not to.

Thank you.

Today, Amy and her brother Sean are speaking at a conference,

to get their point of view across.

-When did you write the speech?

-Last night!

I wrote it out neat so I could read it.

What's running through your mind right now?

I'm glad I didn't have breakfast!

It seemed, at least in our case,

that because we didn't want contact with our parents,

the sympathies went to our mother.

And despite the fact we've suffered at the hand of her,

the person who was meant to care about us most,

everyone was, "Oh, poor mother." You know?

We were angry, we were hurt

and the only way we could show we were angry

was to not have contact with her.

It's more or less the first time she's told that aspect of things.

I guess the first time you talk about it,

is always the hardest

and to talk about it in front of a group of people is even more so.

Kids in my situation,

we try to make the best out of a crappy situation.

We do our best to make a family.

-VOICE BREAKS:

-We accept other people as ours.

And with the contact,

it always seemed like there's a risk of tearing it apart.

Em...that's it!

Well done, that was really good.

-I'm sorry.

-Thank you.

-You did absolutely brilliant.

-You should be proud of yourselves.

-Thank you.

Is there ever a part of you that thinks

you'd like to say those things to your mum?

I don't know if I could.

-Really?

-No.

I want to, but...

I don't think I could get it out.

This is like, a lifetime of pent-up anger

and stress and upset.

I can't imagine ever being able to kind of get rid of that.

I don't know how I would.

CHILD CRIES

-Are you tired?

-Yeah...

Today, Leanne is due in court

to find out how long Kyle will get in prison.

If he has to serve inside more than six years,

then that's most of my twenties' life over.

'I'll be 28 then.'

So if he gets eight years and only serves half of that,

providing he has good behaviour,

so that's four years, then I'll be 26.

So I'll still have half of my twenties to go with him

and we'll still feel young

and we'll still have a youthful life together,

rather than just the more mature life together, if that makes sense.

So, yeah, I still want to have my youthful life with somebody.

Because Kyle cut his victim on the neck,

the crime falls within the most serious category of assault.

As such, the sentence could be long.

Well, this is what they're saying that he's in - category one.

A starting point of 12 years and the range is 9 to 16 years' custody.

So he could get 16 years?

Mm-hm.

At worst.

What would you do if he got 16 years?

I don't know.

I'm not even going there.

You'll be OK.

You'll be OK.

I'll come back as soon as I'm finished, OK?

Yeah?

I was so shaky when I was in there.

Um, he got a total of five years,

so he serves two-and-a-half years,

but the last four months of that two-and-a-half years he could be out on tag,

providing he's well-behaved.

And then on licence for the remainder of the term.

So he could be out quite shortly, so it's a lot better than expected.

I feel really bad for smiling because he's done something wrong,

but I think it was... the right amount of time.

'I was so relieved that it wasn't longer.

'I just thought of the children again, and I thought of me,

'like, we've still got a chance of a good relationship, and we're still going to be young.'

So we've still got a chance at rebuilding everything.

-Hiya. How are you?

-OK.

-You want to know, don't you?

-I do want to know, of course I do. Um...

-I want to make sure that you're all right first.

-Yeah.

OK.

-He got five years.

-Right.

Um... Serves two-and-a-half.

-He's already done four months of that, obviously.

-Right.

-So this little one's not going to see Daddy properly until he's about two.

-Yeah...

-Unfortunately. But it could've been worse.

-Yes.

-A lot worse.

You know, the next year, certainly, will be a real tester for you.

I know, yeah.

'I wouldn't have been able to wait 12 years for him.

'No way.'

That's just too much of my life gone.

And it wouldn't have been fair on me.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That might sound selfish, but it wouldn't.

I've not done... I've not done anything wrong.

Kiss good night. Do you want the quilt on to keep you safe and warm?

You just think of all the things that Riley's done in his life so far,

and all the things he's learnt,

and all the little things you watch, and his little personalities

and how he changes, and you know that Kyle's going to miss out on all of that.

No crime is worth committing

if you know what you're going to miss out on...

if you have a family.

So you're going to miss out on a lot, aren't you?

But you don't know it.

Over two years ago,

Neelam's father was convicted of attempted murder

and sentenced to 15 years in prison.

Although Neelam left school with no qualifications

and has little knowledge of the legal system,

she's taken on the main role of fighting her father's conviction.

Hi, I'd just like an update on my father's case.

That's Mohammed Arif.

Can I leave a message?

Uh, can you let him know that I would like for him to put,

you know the DNA and the forensic?

And forensic, I would like that to be added to the points.

'I never thought in a million years that I would be researching,

'investigating and looking into the different firms

'that deal with miscarriage of justice.'

Uh, hi, Claire, it's me, Neelam.

'At first I had a lot of people saying,

' "You won't be able to do it," '

because they felt I'd probably screw up, I'd probably do something wrong.

Probably, the case won't be looked at

because I'm phoning in repeatedly at the courts, at solicitors...

The decision of whether her father's case will go to appeal

lies with the Criminal Cases Review Commission - the CCRC.

Today, Neelam is attending a protest

and plans to deliver a letter demanding an update.

-What do we want?

-Justice.

-When do we want it?

-Now.

-What do we want?

-Justice.

-When do we want it?

-Now.

'A lot of people believe that there's no smoke without fire.

'They don't want to really look in depth,

'they don't really want to know that, OK,'

there can be something a bit more to this.

You know, they just believe, "OK, he's been charged,

"there must be something in it, so he must be guilty."

-We're disgusted.

-No justice.

-We're disgusted.

-No justice.

-We're disgusted.

-No justice.

Not a lot of Asian women from the community can, obviously,

stand up to, basically, do protests and go to these places

because it just doesn't be done.

-What do we want?

-Justice.

-When do we want it?

-Now.

-Excuse me, can I give this letter in?

-You want to give a letter in?

-It's for the CCRC. My dad's case is pending, so this is more information.

-Yes.

'It went brilliant.'

I got to give the letter I wanted to give in

and I think we got our point across.

I mean, there was a lot of people that were coming up to myself

and I was giving them leaflets as well.

-We're disgusted.

-No justice.

-We're disgusted.

-No justice.

I believe in God, I believe God does exist

and I put my trust in my God

and I believe that he gave me this determination

and all this courage because, to be quite honest with you,

when I first heard about my dad, I was completely broken.

Out of everybody, I was the most broke.

When I make a prayer

and I have this feeling in my heart that one day everything will be OK.

In Slough, Catia is still waiting

for her boyfriend, Jed, to be released from prison,

but as the date draws near, her mum's concerned that her behaviour

is going downhill again, like the last time he was out of prison.

Catia, not the phone at the table, please.

Why're you doing mine?

Cos I always do yours first. That's why I asked you to serve.

I don't like loads of mince.

-Just have potatoes, then.

-I am.

I'm not even hungry.

-Yeah, just eat.

-Why would I eat?

Cos it's my cooking.

It's just about...

..when you were coming in late, last year.

Oh, fuck, no. I ain't talking about that bullshit.

I refuse. I'm not doing it.

No, it's... Can you understand how it made me feel, though?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it.

-Why?

-Just don't.

Fair enough.

I know you don't want to talk about it.

-So why are you going to carry on?

-No, no, no. No.

-I'm just going to say, you're not going to start doing it?

-No.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah. 100%.

This morning, Jed will be released from prison.

I'm actually a little bit nervous, funnily enough.

I think I'm nervous for Catia. She's not nervous - I am.

What happens when he DOES come out?

How is she going to react?

Is she going to play up like she did last year?

I think that's probably what's bugging me as well.

SHE SIGHS

Hello!

I missed you.

Did you miss me too?

Of course. Oh, my God. I love you.

Love you too.

-You're not cold? I got that jumper here.

-Yeah.

'If he got put back into prison that would be the end of it.'

He knows, my mum knows, everyone knows that would be the end of it.

I don't want to have a married home with police banging on my door.

I don't want that life at all.

I want a normal, happy, relaxed, settled life.

But I trust him and I believe in him to not go back to prison.

It's emotional. It is.

It's emotional that I get to be with my girl again.

Have you missed her?

Beyond belief.

There's not a day that went by I didn't think about her.

To be honest, I probably don't hold much hope of him sticking to it,

but I'd like to think that he CAN change.

It'd be nice to think at least someone can change their ways.

If he changes he has to prove himself to me first,

and then to my mum, which is going to be hard,

cos earning my mum's trust is NOT easy.

-New start, yeah?

-Yeah. Promise.

-Cool.

-Can we go home?

-Let's go home.

And the night before that I had four hours' sleep.

This means we can go home now.

It's Christmas morning in Leicester.

This year will be the first Christmas

Leanne has spent without Kyle since they met.

Last night I said to Riley, "Santa's coming tonight,

"so you've got to be asleep."

He went, "Don't want Santa. I want Daddy."

So I was like, "Aww. Can't have Daddy, can we?"

Ooh, it's good!

Christmas was a very different atmosphere.

I was like, "Let's try and keep this as normal as possible

"and do everything as we would as if Kyle was here."

'There was a big hole, really.'

That's from your great-nana, that is.

Here you go.

BABY GURGLES

I need to open this one.

I'm going to have to do it all over again next year,

and probably all over again the next year as well.

'So I've just to cope with it, just deal with it.'

Nemo!

It's like that song, isn't it? It'll be lonely this Christmas.

-For me, anyway.

-Here's two! Here's two! Look!

Going to be a good boy? Yeah?

Before she went on maternity leave,

Leanne worked full-time as a civil servant.

She and Kyle had lived comfortably on their joint incomes.

But without Kyle's salary,

she's struggling to keep up with the bills.

'I knew that by the end of this month,

'this will be the first month of my significantly lower maternity pay.'

'I'm going to have £128.73 per week.'

That's like 520 quid-ish.

Considering my mortgage payment is £465,

doesn't leave me much for other things.

One of my bills, gas and electricity, is £101. That puts me straight over.

Then I've got all the other things like insurances

and petrol money, car insurance...

Then I've got to pay out in advance the nursery fees,

so I'm going to be worse off by a few hundred each month

until I go back to work.

I spoke to Kyle about the difference in money,

but he can't do anything, can he?

No-one can really do anything.

I just feel trapped now and then.

I feel like my hands are tied with what I can do

and I'm going to get into a load of debt in the next three months.

That scares me.

BABY CRIES

I know she's really starting to feel the financial strain

and possibly the emotional strain too.

I think she feels more lonely than she expected and quite isolated.

I just see it as, "Right, you're a single mother now."

If you look at it in that way, just deal with it like everyone else does.

It's been over six weeks since Neelam's protest.

Today, she's waiting for a response from the CCRC

to find out of her father's case will go to the Court of Appeal.

"Dear Ms P, I refer to your letter dated 15th February 2012,

"in which you asked for an update on the progress made

"in the review of your father's case.

"I have secured and examined the relevant case files

"of the police, the Crown Prosecution Service and the Crown Court.

"I still need to see some additional police and court material

"to address specific issues that have been raised.

"As we have already discussed, I will communicate to you in detail

"as soon as I have any significant information about the review."

What it said in the letter that my father's case ain't got a timescale.

They're still under investigation, they're still investigating

certain issues and they're still looking into the matter.

I will never give up.

It's been two weeks since Jed was released.

He's been to sent to a bail hostel 50 miles away.

It is the first time Catia has seen him since the day he was let out.

-I missed you.

-I missed you more.

-I missed you more-er.

I missed you more-er!

He's decided to treat her to a day at a go-karting track.

It's important for Jed to stay out of Slough cos it just keeps him

away from the trouble that could happen

and he can just start afresh. New place, no people he knows.

I'm 100% sure it will just be so much better.

-Who do you think won?

-Me!

-You?

-Nah, you let me off.

Did you see how many time I let her go past me? I'm a gentleman.

I told you before, I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to you,

that I'd never mess up again. Like, I don't know.

You mean the world to me and I don't want to lose you again.

Thank you.

I've been going in and out of prison since I was 15

and I think it's time to throw in the towel.

It's time to grow up and move on.

'I can't change Jed. Jed can change Jed.'

But by him wanting to change and having support from his girlfriend,

his stepmum, his other family members and friends

that want to help him, makes him feel that extra bit of support,

make him feel more confident about changing himself,

and that's what he needs.

He needs something stable and something to boost him, to push him.

And that's what he's got.

Quickly, cos I'm at a weird angle there.

Leanne has decided to deal with her money worries head on,

and plans to return to work earlier than expected.

Going through what has happened in the last seven months or so,

I think I'm a lot stronger.

Last couple of months, since the house has been better,

she's come on leaps and bounds.

It's been really good and I admire her.

I don't know how she's does it, really. Amazing.

The decision has refreshed her outlook,

and for the first time in months,

she's decided to have some time away from the kids.

In an attempt to meet other young people in the area,

she's signed up for a new way to keep fit.

Tonight I'm going pole dancing.

It's my second time ever doing it, so it's not going to be great.

It's probably going to be quite atrocious. But it's keeping fit.

I think it's been about over a year since I wore trainers.

-Maybe two years.

-I'm absolutely staggered!

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18...

She thought when it first happened that life would never be the same,

and yet she shows that if you're resilient enough

you can get through anything. It's a credit to her.

I look ridiculous!

Looking in the mirror I just look insane!

I like a bit of me time now, even if it is once a fortnight or whatever.

For an hour.

This is the card.

It says, "Wishing you a magical Mother's Day", and then inside...

It's finding a card that doesn't say "Mother" on it cos I've never seen

a Mother's Day card with "Happy Mother's Day, Auntie."

You'll like the card. I hope you like the card anyway.

I already have the pain of losing a father,

my mother has the pain of losing her husband,

my grandma's got pain of losing her son.

My auntie and uncle got pain of losing their brother.

But my father, he's got pain of losing everybody.

I'm staying with Kyle cos I love him and we've been through a lot.

I wouldn't ever stay with someone for the sake of the kids

cos it will rub off on the kids that things aren't good.

But, yeah, I love him.

You always think, "I can see my life being like this in five years' time."

But I can't. I never know what my life's going to be like in five years' time.

Hopefully it will be good.

We'll have our own place, got money, got jobs, got cars, settled,

and then maybe in ten years, kids and marriage and stuff like that.

'When I have kids I'll have the most boring family. It'll be glorious!'

I'd have a piano and I'll make jam even though I don't know how

and nothing of consequence would ever happen.

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