Insane Fight Club Insane Fight Club

This programme contains strong language.

So my music's started and this is the curtain.

My music's waiting to be played and everybody's buzzing.

I'm just standing like that, shite-ing myself, then this kicks in.

MUSIC: "Like A Prayer" by Madonna

Hopefully everybody's clapping. I'm like that. Send it.

Three, four, go.

This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

Wee spin. And then when it kicks in like this, I go like that.

I go, "Ooooooooooohhhhhh! It's yersel!"

CHEERING # It's like a little prayer

# Down on my knees... #

Then I go up...

like that.

Bounce about the ring.

Go up to the referee, kid on that's the referee.

Up against the referee.

Grado!

This is the world of Insane Championship Wrestling.

-CROWD:

-IC Dub, IC Dub!

A group of friends who fight together

and play together...

This is the story of their biggest year

as they strive to make a living...

I want you to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror

and say, "I make a full-time living off professional wrestling." Right?

..struggle with life at home...

I'm skint sometimes. Like really skint, like mega skint.

..and put on the biggest show of their lives.

It's a really, really big deal.

In four months' time they will put on a fight night

at one of Glasgow's biggest venues,

with double the capacity of their usual gigs.

1,100 tickets is not a laughing matter.

But can they sell it out...

..reach a new audience...

..and put their Insane Fight Club on the map?

-Right, I'll see you later.

-Aye.

-Right, see you later.

-Right.

-You take care.

-Aye, I will.

-Enjoy yourself.

Just you get to your bed.

-Say, "Bye-bye".

-Bye, Dad.

Bye.

-See you later on?

-Say, "Good luck, Daddy."

Good luck, Dad.

-Try not get too stressed.

-Right, cool - I'll try.

-Right, love you.

-Love you, sweetie.

-Love you, honey.

-Right, bye-bye.

When I drive to the shows,

I'm either shite-ing myself or I'm mega excited.

Right now I'm shite-ing myself and I'm mega excited.

But I'd probably say right now,

I'm closer to more shite-ing myself than I am excited, it's about 70-30.

Ah, you. Grab your running order.

Just going to go an' have a wee look at the crowd,

but I don't want them to really see me,

but it puts your mind at ease if you know

there's a big crowd already there and the doors havenae opened.

I can see through that gap there, in that pub, that...

Fuck's sake, man, the queue is huge.

-CROWD:

-IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub!

It's the Sunday of fucking T In The Park.

T In The Park's happening right now and look at our crowd.

-CROWD:

-IC Dub! IC Dub!

IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub!

That's what I'm saying - it'll no feel actually real

until Billy Kirkwood, the MC, the ring announcer,

once he goes out into that ring and then they all start chanting...

-CROWD:

-IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub!

CHEERING

Insane Championship Wrestling is basically professional wrestling

that you'd see on the telly.

Only thing is, it's aimed at an over 18s crowd.

It's got a lot of blood, violence, bad language, stuff like that.

It's a drama, it's a comedy.

It's a soap opera, it's a performance art, it's a stunt show.

It's like going to the theatre.

Theatre for the new generation, where people get the shit kicked out them.

CHEERING

Can everybody be quiet, please? Cheers, guys.

Mark Dallas is the man in charge of Insane Championship Wrestling,

or ICW - the fighting phenomenon that's spilled out of nightclubs

and onto the streets of Glasgow.

It seemed like in the late '90s that everybody was alternative

and everybody wanted to shock people and be different

and then it seemed like society sort of changed

where you've got to fit into a genre.

Whereas what ICW is all about is standing out,

being different, not worrying about it.

I don't do any tricks, I just jump.

Don't be something that other people want you to be, be you.

From the feared...

to the loved.

The bizarre...

to the hard core.

Everyone has a home at IC Dub.

THEY CHEER

For owner Mark, the obsession with wrestling began at an early age.

When I was a kid I liked watching pro wrestling

because it seemed like it was real-life superheroes on my telly,

beating each other up.

So that drew me to it as a young child.

And in later years,

it was this childhood obsession that began to look like

it might provide a way out of tough times

for Mark and his partner, Helen.

When Helen got pregnant with Danny, we needed to get a house,

we were staying in her ma's house at the time.

So, the council put us in temporary accommodation,

which was here, in Red Road.

It was full of junkies and everybody just thrown in,

all the dregs of society and then me and my missus.

-Right, what do they do now?

-They do a suplex.

I was just sitting there depressed, thinking about how I could provide

a better life for my wean, cos my wean wasnae getting brought up here, that just wasnae going to happen.

-Who's the strongest?

-Aaah!

What I did was I thought,

"I'll book five shows, two months apart each time."

I don't know what happened, man, but we put on the first show

and it got about 80 people in, but they loved it.

And then the next show, it was sold out.

The next show, they'd to bring more chairs in.

The next show, we'd to turn people away.

ICW now has a regular spot at The Garage nightclub in Glasgow.

But with Mark barely breaking even every month,

and none of his wrestlers earning enough to make a full-time living,

he's about to take the biggest gamble of his career so far.

So this is the main hall, this is ABC1, this is where your guys are going to be.

Glasgow's ABC is a venue that holds twice the usual ICW crowd

and in just two months' time, Mark plans a sell-out.

Capacity's about...1,300?

Aye. 1,300 for a gig?

Yeah, for like, standing room only, no chairs.

So, with the ring and that, we're talking 1,100, something like that?

Yeah, 1,100, about, maybe 1,150,

but bear in mind you have got the balcony as well.

-Aye. Would yous be all right with somebody jumping off there?

-Ahwooh!

This is the first time I've been in here when it's been empty.

It's quite daunting, cos you realise just how humungous this venue is

and, aye, we get big crowds at The Garage and stuff,

but the crowd we're going to need in here to sell out is double that,

know what I mean? And that's no joke, man. That's nae laughing matter.

Everything's riding on this.

The company's reputation, my rent and my wean's Christmas so...

I mean, 1,100 tickets is not a laughing matter.

I hope it's not this fuckin' empty on the night, mate, honestly.

My dream is to have it that if you work for ICW,

it's your full-time job.

You're a professional wrestler,

like the dictionary definition of a professional wrestler,

you are somebody who makes a full-time living

from professional wrestling.

And then we can all get old and we can all say we were wrestlers, you know what I mean?

"That's how we made a living, we were in the wrestling business."

One of the wrestlers Mark's relying on is fan favourite, Grado.

I'm the chubby wee underdog, a chubby wee chancer.

I'm about as fit as my gran, but I love wrestling.

Over the past two years,

Grado's videos have gathered momentum online.

Scott, listen - a lot of folk have been asking me,

"Why are you challenging James Scott?" No. Fuck!

These videos have transformed him from the ultimate fan

to one of the most popular wrestlers in ICW.

Right, sort yourself down there. You're all hanging the wrong way.

Right, nae... My double chin?

I need my glasses.

-No, higher. Please.

-I cannae see you.

You can see me here, can you not?

Well, just. But then you see the lamp.

Grado is somebody who was perceived as a nobody in Scottish wrestling,

he'd had a handful of matches over ten years.

Mark Dallas loved my video on the internet,

thought it was funny and he thought, "Here I could use you for ICW."

So, then we sat and we came up with this whole story about

"Get Grado booked," and it wasnae meant to be this big thing.

And it all came to a conclusion

when I got the chance to jump the barrier in a live crowd.

It was the best feeling in the world.

The crowd were going nuts.

-CROWD:

-Grado! Grado!

And Grado's popularity just exploded.

Why can I no dae this right?

Fuck's sake.

-Squeeze the thing.

-I'm fuckin' squeezing it.

Give us a fuckin' look.

With Mark moving the company towards bigger and better things,

Grado's rethinking his image.

They fives, aye? JOCK LAUGHS

Because I'm fed up turning up at shows and being the only fat one

or the only one that cannae take their top off.

Well, I can take my top off, but it ends up that the next day

I end up looking at pictures and I go, "Ah, look at the nick of me, man."

Cos I feel as if I've got a pair of man boobs,

Well, I have got a pair of man boobs.

Everyone says, "It's your gimmick,

"it's funny that you're the fat guy and all that,"

but I can still be fat and have a bit of definition about myself, know what a mean?

-That's what I'm going for, ain't it, Jock?

-Aye, it is, aye.

-Think I can do it?

-I'm sure you can.

Going to give us a hand?

Ah, you fucker.

Don't drop it.

That's it, squeeze 'em out.

That's it, that's it. Your mother'd be proud of you, son.

At the other end of the scale

is one of ICW's hard-core heavyweights, Jack Jester.

When I was at school I wanted to be a tattoo artist,

a wrestler, or a clown, and so far I've managed to do all three.

I do kind of think you should be yourself,

don't ever just go with the flow and, you know,

whatever everybody else is doing.

My parents saw I wanted to be a wrestler,

and they could've said, "Don't be so stupid."

When I started wrestling I'd just turned 16,

so they had the power to stop me, but they never have.

My mum comes to...most shows.

She came to her first ICW show on her birthday, actually.

About six minutes in, I regretted asking her to come.

That was when I was hanging over a balcony somewhere.

My dad has never, never seen me wrestling. Ever.

# One, two... Get down! #

MUSIC: "The Boss" by James Brown

-Well, who's taking the fall?

-What do you want to do?

-Is it elimination, or is it...?

-What we going to dae?

I think we should do elimination.

ICW's next show is at the Edinburgh Picture House.

It's an important stepping stone on the way to the biggest show

of their lives at Glasgow's ABC in seven weeks' time.

And as part of the master plan to draw a wider audience,

Mark's bringing over two huge American wrestling stars.

Comedy king, Colt Cabana, and ultimate hard man, Sabu,

will be pitted against Grado and Jack Jester.

Right, number one is Grado-Cabana.

To draw in new fans,

they need to see on the posters a recognisable face.

So, basically that's what the Americans were for.

To bring attention to new fans.

Cos I know once we get them in the door, I know we'll

put on a show that they'll want to come back and see again, you know.

It's just, the hard bit as a promoter is getting people in the door the first time.

For the plan to pay off, Mark and his writing partner, Renfrew,

need to ensure they write a good storyline.

We just base the shows on basic human emotions,

things that every single person in the world can relate to.

This guy hates this guy, this lassie left...

You know what I mean?

Hate, love, you know, anger, joy, all these different things.

The storylines are the stuff of soap opera,

but the pain is very definitely real.

Whenever somebody finds out you're involved in wrestling,

the first thing they always say is, "Oh, it's fake," or, "Is it fake?"

And you're like, "Well, define fake." You know what I mean?

My mate getting hit with a steel chair isnae fake, you know what I mean?

The boy's, like, getting really hurt - that's not fake.

Gis a paw. Come on, gis a paw. Come on!

Paw. Paw. Paw. Paw.

With the biggest show of their lives at Glasgow's ABC

just over six weeks away,

the Edinburgh show brings everyone an opportunity to fine-tune.

For Grado, the fight against American star Colt Cabana

is the chance to fulfil a boyhood dream.

Colt Cabana is one of the biggest professional wrestlers in the world.

He's been in the WWE, he's wrestled all over the world,

he's one of the number one names

and he's one of my favourite wrestler's of all time.

I've loved him from when I was about 14 years old,

ever since I seen him ten years ago.

So when I found out I was actually going to get the chance to actually wrestle Colt Cabana,

I couldnae believe it, I was absolutely delighted. I was buzzing.

Colt, you'll be wrestling against internet sensation, Grado.

-So, what am I?

-I mean, you're also an internet sensation.

No, you were like, "Hey, this guy's an internet sensation."

I meant to say international sensation.

I'm going to go over there and beat the living shit out of Grado.

I think that's him doing his Grado move there.

We actually thought it was a phase he was going through

and thinking that when he gets older, he would look back and have a laugh

at the way he used to love his wrestling, but obviously not.

He broke umpteen beds practising with his pals, cost us a fortune,

all the new beds we had to buy. Even broke mine.

Look at us here, right? You think I don't do much in the wrestling, don't do much in the ring?

Check this out. Watch.

Here I go up top.

Right? Moonsault, it's a back flip.

Watch this. Check it out. Moonsault. One, two, three...

The last show I went to see him in

he got hit over the head with a chair

and there was blood everywhere and I was absolutely raging.

That's us in Edinburgh.

As part of the build-up to the next show,

Grado's picking up Colt at Edinburgh Airport.

They're filming promotional footage that will end up online.

You ken what I'm here for?

Big man's just landed.

Going to take him back up the road, take him home.

Colt Cabana! Colt Cabana, it's yersel! Colt Cabana!

Colt Cabana, it's yersel! Colt Cabana.

-Oh, Jesus.

-Cabana. It's yersel!

Colt Cabana, it's yersel! Colt Cabana.

How's it going my man? How's it going my man? Come on.

There he is, look. There's the big man.

Colt Cabana. Yay!

With the welcome party over, it's time for Grado and Colt to hit

Edinburgh city centre and spread the word about the big fight.

Yay! There he is.

What do you think? Are yous Grado fans?

Grado! Grado! Grado! Here, put your hand out.

Waaaaaay!

There you go, troops. There you go, my man, there you go, mate.

Hey, big 'un. You like wrestling?

You like wrestling? You like wrestling?

-You like wrestling! Bullshit.

-Come and see bad wrestling.

You're living a lie, big man. You're living a lie.

Grado! Grado! Grado! Grado! Grado!

Here, pleased to meet yous. Pleased to meet you.

-What's your name?

-It's Grado.

-Give her one.

-That's a good one.

-Give her one.

-Mate.

-Give her one.

-You have to stop saying...

-Give her one.

-You cannae just keep telling everyone...

-Give her one.

Stop telling everybody to give her one. Sounds as if you want to do something else to them.

-Yous want one?

-Give her one of those.

-Yous want one?

-Give her it.

-You want one? You want one?

-Give it to her.

-You want one?

-You a wrestling fan?

-No.

-Come on, take a wee flyer, hen.

-Where ye fae anyway, Australia?

-Yes.

-Whereabouts in Australia, Perth?

-Give him a kiss on the cheek.

-South Australia.

South Australia, gies a kiss. Go, go gies a kiss.

Go, gies a kiss. Gies a kiss.

-Gies a kiss.

-Hey, Grado.

Aw. She's a cow anyway.

-What can I say? Team Cabana.

-USA! USA!

For Mark, the last couple of days before a show are always tense.

As well as fine-tuning a roster of 40 wrestlers,

there are worries closer to home.

Money's always a issue before a show, cause it's all tied up and

then you don't get paid for an event until after the event's happened.

So, like, the same way people are skint

right before they get their wages, that's kind of the way I am now.

Like, I'm the most skint ever, like for the whole month,

so sometimes you might need to get a tap off your family

or some stuff like that.

Aye, it's a pain in the arse, but it has to be done, doesn't it?

I might be skint now a lot of the time,

but I'm never skint to the point where my family...

The fridge hasnae got food in it.

I'm never skint to the point the house isnae heated,

I'm never skint to the point that, you know what I mean, we cannae live.

But I'm skint sometimes. Like really skint.

Like mega skint, you know what I mean?

I'm investing my time and money in these people.

I know in the long run this'll pay off.

Right. Go on. Cool.

Jammin'.

It's not all gloomy.

And it's not only money that's playing on Mark's mind.

Danny's got autism, but he's got...is it Asperger's?

Or something like that it's called, I think.

They're still doing a bunch of tests and stuff like that,

but I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

I'm a bit weird, you know what I mean?

Some of the things I do might not be perceived as normal.

I don't know - like there's certain things I'm like,

"Well that's stuff I did as a kid," you know what I mean?

Maybe, maybe yous are over-exaggerating a wee bit.

-WHISTLE TOOTS

-Come on.

-My whistle!

For everyone involved, the Edinburgh show is an important stepping stone

on the way to the biggest show of their lives at Glasgow's ABC.

And with the match against his hero, Colt Cabana, just days away,

Grado's into his final preparations.

This is Sheryl's barbers. Remember, just give me my usual.

Who you fighting on Sunday?

I'm fighting a guy called Colt Cabana fae America.

-Ah.

-How amazing's that?

See all the other wrestlers,

they've all got decent bodies and all that so, I need to make up for it

in other ways, with getting a cracking haircut and a tan.

Cheers for that. Catch yous later on. Bye.

Right, what do you think?

Is that better than the other ones?

Woo!

No, no, that is. That's good, that's...turn round the back.

What do you think?

It's the day of the Edinburgh show

and once the new outfit is safely packed away,

Grado is almost ready to join the bus-load of friends waiting outside.

Have I got any more clean pants than that?

Graeme. Why do you ask these things?

-Well, there's nae in my drawer.

-No! There is!

Every day they're out on the line.

CHEERING

-It's yersel!

-It's wersel.

It's a really, really big deal and I'm terrified, but in a good way.

It's good to be nervous.

When you're no nervous, you're no enjoying it.

Aaah.

Once I get in, maybe once I get a wee look at the venue

and I see the ring, then that's when I'll start getting feart.

-That's when the nerves'll start kicking in.

-You got to do this guy.

-Hopefully.

-You gonna do this guy.

Make sure you do this guy.

Adam, where's the hard cam?

After the ring's finished, they're going to put the barriers up.

Cheers, mate.

ALL: Fuck him up, Grado! Fuck him up!

Fuck him up, Grado! Fuck him up!

Fuck him up, Grado! Fuck him up!

Guys, can I get everybody over here for the run through now, please?

The reason we're here is because of all of yous.

Yous are that fucking good.

I've been telling yous for years yous are that good.

Well, this is fucking proof of it, you know what a mean?

And this isnae like the top of the mountain or any shit like that.

This is us just starting, so I want us to look back in a couple of year

and think of this as a small venue.

Yous have earned this and here's Chris's run through.

THEY CHEER

I'm trying not to get paranoid the night.

This is the one night I don't want to be paranoid.

Please, don't be paranoid! Just go out there and lap up and enjoy it.

Don't want nothing to go wrong.

What does this look like on?

Does this look all right? No?

Down a bit, you think? I wanted it up a bit, I think.

-Aye.

-Does my belly make it look stupid?

That'll give. That'll give, mate.

Look in the middle. See if we gimmick that? Hit it with a hammer.

Got to sort these tables.

After I sort these tables, that's everything pretty much ready to go. Then I can relax a wee bit.

With the stage set and the expectation built to fever pitch,

the very first fight is Grado versus Colt.

-CROWD:

-It's yersel! It's yersel! It's yersel!

It's yersel! It's yersel!

-Grado, enjoy yourself out there.

-No, I know, aye.

-You know what I'm saying? This is fun, this is fun.

-Aye.

-I'm going to kick your ass.

-I know, I know, I know.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started.

CHEERING

CHEERING

And it's Grado's big moment next.

# And it feels like...home

# When you call my name It's like a little prayer

# I'm down on my knees I want to take you there

# In the midnight hour I can feel your power

# Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there

# I hear your voice...#

-CROWD:

-Grado! Grado! Grado! It's yersel! It's yersel! It's yersel!

It's yersel! It's yersel! It's yersel! It's yersel!

It was amazing. I got to just wrestle my hero.

So I get to say I've wrestled Colt Cabana, man,

and not a lot of guys can say they've wrestled their heroes,

and I've wrestled my hero the night. It was spot-on. I loved it.

For Mark, the success of the Edinburgh show brings relief,

but for him and his family, the whole idea of ICW

means more than ticket sales.

It's also helped him in recent weeks with his son, Danny.

With Dan the other week there,

when Danny woke up for nursery, right,

and I went, "It's time for nursery son,"

and he went, "All right, cool."

"Right, we need to get ready."

And he went, "I don't want to go to nursery."

I went, "How?"

"I feel different."

He says, "I feel different." Right?

And I wanted to burst into tears and I walked into the other room

and I gret in the other room.

I've no problem with this being on camera, right.

A walked back into the room, put on an ICW video,

put it on the video player, put Danny on my knee.

Showed him the video.

There's a clip where I came out in the crowd and said something

and I went, "Who's in the wrestling ring?"

He went, "Daddy."

"All right, cool, son."

I went, "See your daddy? Your daddy's different."

"You don't want to be the same as everybody else, cos that's boring."

And he hugged me, and then he went to nursery.

And for a week before that, he put his hands over his eyes when he got to nursery.

See when I said that to him? He didnae do it again.

It meant the world to me.

It was like the best thing in the world, man.

With the Edinburgh fight night over, it's party time.

Despite like running the biggest show I've ever ran

I've probably walked away fae it

with the least amount of money I've ever had.

I would have had an all right amount of money,

but I spent about £1,000 on hotel rooms for a lot of the wrestlers.

I basically just wanted to party, I wanted to enjoy it

I wanted everybody to feel like they were stars.

You know what a mean?

So, I've never had the chance to do that before

so I just did that. You know what I mean?

The thing is, that money, I could've spent on this, that and the next thing

and it would've meant nothing to me. See that night?

I'll never forget that night, so is that money well spent?

I think so.

Having spent the profits from the Edinburgh show,

Mark's chance at the big time

and the opportunity to finally start making some serious

money for his wrestlers, rests solely on the ABC show

in Glasgow in just a few weeks' time.

So I'm sitting there, about 250 tickets sold at last count.

So that's what? 950 tae go?

In six weeks?

So it's going to take a portion of our cunning...

Maybe all of our cunning.

On top of the 950 tickets still to shift, Mark has received

the news that one of his biggest box office draws, Grado, will be

away on holiday on the big fight night.

I'm going to Vegas in October and I'm going to miss the biggest ICW

show of the year, which is a pure blooper,

but at the end of the day where does it stop?

Do you cancel holidays for wrestling?

Do you cancel holidays for the biggest show of the year?

I told my bird, "I'm thinking aboot coming back

"a day early from Vegas tae make the ICW show."

She went off her nut.

She was like, "No way are you coming home a day

"early for a wrestling show."

ICW's not about one person.

ICW's not about you coming to see one performer,

ICW's about you coming to see a package.

Grado's part of that package. Would I rather he was here

if a had the choice? Of course I would rather he was here.

He's an important part of that package, definitely.

For Grado, the tinkering with his image continues.

He's bleached his hair blonde and he's not convinced.

What colour have I to get?

Medium brown.

Right, medium brown.

Top.

I'm going to see if I can get this hair sorted.

So I'm going to see if I can get some hair dye fae Morrisons,

but I don't know the exact colour I'm meant to be getting

cos I'm not exactly a connoisseur of hair, am I?

Ken what I'll dae? I'll phone 118.

'How can I help you?'

Currently my hair is bleach blonde and I'm going on holiday next week

an' I'm needing it tae be brown.

I'm looking for somebody that can tell me which colour,

which hair dye tae buy

so that I can dye my hair back tae my normal colour which was brown.

But it wisnae too brown, it wisnae hazelnut, it wisnae copper,

it wisnae chocolate. It was just boring dull old brown. What do...?

How do you get colour brown fae the shops?

'I'm sorry, you're looking for a local hair salon in your area?'

Well, they'll all be shut the now, have you no got anybody that can

put me on to advice? Have you got anybody...? What about him

that brought oot the straighteners, Nicky Clarke?

'Nicky Clarke?'

Aye, put him in.

PHONE RINGS

'Good afternoon this is Nicky Clarke, Mayfair, you're through to Donna. May I help you?'

Donna, it's yourself. I need to know the exact colour of hair dye I would need

to buy from the shops so that I can go back to ma normal hair colour.

'To make it natural I would suggest coming into the salon

'and having a colour put on by one of our technicians.'

How much would that cost, if there was any appointments there, to get my hair dyed there?

'From £100 pounds. Maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less.'

Aye, that's fine with me.

-'No problem.'

-Thanks very much, bye.

-'Bye.'

-Bye.

Grado has a wrestling match coming up in London in a few days' time

and with the appointment booked, he's decided to kill two birds with one stone.

But Mark has other worries on his mind.

He still has 800 tickets to sell for the big fight night,

write Grado out of the show, and plan a vital publicity stunt.

And he's rallying the troops.

PHONE RINGS

-'Hallo.'

-Grado, I know you're not going to be on the show,

but we've got to get an angle where we write you out, so until then

are you up for doing some stuff,

maybe go away one night, a bunch of the boys

and we'll think up a bunch of publicity stunts to do round Glasgow?

Are you up for that?

'100%, man. I want ran doon or something like that.'

You want ran doon? Mate, let's dae that.

Let's see if there's a way we can actually, no actually get you ran doon,

but make it look like you've been ran doon. I'm well up for that shit, man.

Grado! Wolfy! Let's go.

Mark's taking some of the wrestlers to a caravan park in Ayrshire

where they'll spend the night figuring out ways to create a buzz

around the upcoming big fight night and sell those last 800 tickets.

# Come on over to my place

# Hey, there, we're having a party

# We'll be swinging Dancing and singing

# Won't you come on over tonight? #

I nearly collapsed there. My shins nearly combusted. Oh!

Legitimately, got... You want me to be serious with you.

I've got 800 tickets to sell, right. See if a sell these

tickets I can pay for my weans' Christmas. If a don't, I cannae.

Be serious for five minutes and no cut out with fucking stupid jokes.

You are fucking really smart guys and you're going to come to some of the best ideas going.

It's going to take us five fucking minutes tae dae

an then we can get honking drunk.

-Yous up for it lads, man?

-Aye. Let's fucking do it, man.

We've got one midget. Chris. If he was chasing a pure group of us

and he ran into a flash mob in George Square.

Through the toon we're fucking proper,

pure fear, running away fae Chris whose yelling.

Like, "I'll fucking get ye in George square!"

We get tae George Square an' there's a fuckin' flash mob waiting.

I filled out an application form online for Take Me Out.

Right?

Why don't we all sign up for mad fucking reality shows?

Haud on, haud on, I got Andy Dowds tae make me a graphic, right?

"Davey Blaze, Take Me Out, Big Davey'll feed ye his gravy."

I swear to God...

Mate, why have you no' sent me that? I'll put it on the ICW fucking page, man!

I'm waiting on an audition coming back.

Davey, mate, that's a beast mate. Dae that.

-Fuckin dae that, bruv.

-I will dae it.

-That's a beast, man.

It's a one-liner that could take him, John Smeaton!

The flash mob's do-able, your Take Me Out idea's do-able.

-You getting run doon's do-able.

-Yer big stuff is...

It's no real, you're no actually gonnae get run doon.

CROAKY VOICE: Oh, my God, man.

Holy fuck.

Oh, for fuck's sake. The fuck?

I'm burst, man.

Ask Grado whit he was up tae last night, man.

Cos he's pure going to regret being such a dick.

Here, apparently you've got a bit of social media

fae me fae last night.

-Come here and see this.

-Oh, naw!

You're an embarrassment to yersel'.

Oh, naw, man.

I said tae ye, "Don't dae it,"

and you said, "Naw, it's cool..."

We had Grado phoning certain WWE superstars

saying he was going to knock fuck oot them.

He was coming all the way fae the Shire to kill them and all that.

LAUGHING: Oh, no man!

That was the first one.

Oh, whit?! You fucking shut up!

We went, "Here, leave a message," and he just went aff on one.

With their unique style of brainstorming behind them,

it's time for ICW's first publicity stunt.

You know, Davey mate, this is either the greatest

or the most fucking ridiculous idea you've ever had.

Davey, quick, quick, quick! Fucking quick, Davey!

Mark and Davey Boy are on a mission to address one of Glasgow's

most iconic statues in an ICW branded T-shirt and cone.

Raise them up, mate. Clip it, right go for it.

I've got my foot on the bottom.

Just you start fucking rattling that T-shirt on, mate, right?

-This is scary, man.

-That's you mate, that's you.

-It's no going, Dallas.

-Whit?

-It's no stapling on.

-It's no stapling? Fucking...

Council do it now because people are going up

and falling aff an' hurting themselves,

so now they tell us tae put up a cone.

Mate, I'm proper shitting myself, man.

Make sure the ICW's at the front, bruv.

Put your leg on there and bring your leg over.

You're fucking fine, I'm hauding the bottom so it's sturdy, right?

You're good tae go, Davey,

just a wee bit round, that's you. Right, on ye go.

You're fucking laughing.

Think I've just done a shite. THEY LAUGH

Right, let's get oot of here before we get rumbled.

That's the stuff that gets attention, you know what I mean?

Aye.

With a job well done, the photo is up online,

and it's now up to the power of social networking

to spread the word.

It's got 85 now.

No, 93, it just clicked up to, and eight comments.

-You kidding me on?

-No, mate. I'm no, this is for real.

"They've been wanting to catch people

"doing this red-handed for years, lol.

"You might get some unexpected press coming your way,

"but, hey, any publicity's good publicity."

What would the polis say if they showed up?

What do ye think? What could they dae us for?

We didnae deface a statue.

Grado is on his way to his wrestling match in London.

I've got a pizza crunch supper in here waiting for me, man.

To the wrestling good times!

But his main concern is his image, and whether celebrity hair stylist

Nicky Clarke will be able to return him to his natural self.

Hi there, I've got an appointment at nine o'clock.

So do you have to keep really fit then, when you're doing...?

Yip, yip, you better believe it.

I'm at the gym seven times a week.

-Are you?

-Mm-hmm.

Here, you ever been to a barber's

where when you're getting your haircut you can get

grilled chicken marinated in lemon, chilli, ginger,

coriander served wi' grilled mushrooms, green beans,

cherry tomatoes, cucumber, beetroot, spring onions and roasted pine nuts?

I'll need to go back tae Sheryl and gie her these ideas

that ye can get a scoff while you're getting your hair done.

Don't get me wrong, ye can go in and get a roll n' slice

next door fae Sheryl and bring it in and sit when you're eating,

but that's no the same, innit, no?

So, where do you normally get it cut?

Sheryl's in Stevenston. You ever heard of her?

-Sheryl's?

-Aye, Stevenston.

-No.

-Nah.

Never heard of Sheryl's.

Next tae the Fisher Fine Foods in New Street in Stevenston.

-OK.

-Mmm.

That's amazing. That's class, innit?

How ye doing, big guy? Pleased tae meet you.

-I'm Grado, how ye doin'?

-I'm very well, how are you?

Aye, brand-new.

I'm a professional wrestler fae the Shire, fae Stevenston.

I've got ma leotard on for ye, there ye go.

I know, I ken, I don't usually...

I don't usually wear it when I'm oot in London,

oot on the toon, but I have today.

Right can I get ye tae say my catchphrase?

Just say, "Grado, it's yersel'."

-Grado...

-Say that again.

-It's your...?

Ever walked doon the toon before

and you've went, "Oh, Margaret! It's yersel'!"

-No, I've never heard of that one.

-Three, two, one.

Awright, Grado, it's yersel'!

Nicky Clarke, it's yersel!

ENGLISH ACCENT: Grado, it's yourself.

-LAUGHING Get in there.

-Lovely to meet you.

See you later, Nicky, thanks very much.

Bye.

-See yous later, troops.

-Take care.

With his hair dyed, Grado is ready for his holiday in Vegas.

Going for a munch. Let's go, man, I'm absolutely starving,

cos a wisnae for paying £13 for a couple of bits of...

thingmy...in there.

In Glasgow, Mark and Helen have an appointment

at Danny's nursery to assess his latest progress.

You want James to do it? OK.

Right, haud on.

'When I discovered my son had autism I didnae deal with it.

'I refused to accept that he had autism.'

'I was like, "Naw, naw, Danny's cool, Danny's fine." '

You want to know what we're doing today?

OK, first we're going to...?

-Nursery.

-Nursery!

'I just shut myself off from it all, and bottled it all up inside.

'And I started drinking more.

'Didnae talk tae anybody about it,

'and that was the worst thing you could dae.'

Is he going to be able to, like, live on is own?

Is he going to be able to cook? Is he going to have a girlfriend?

Is he going to have this and that? That's what upset me.

Eventually, I realised it wisnae going to severely affect his life.

He is an incredibly smart boy.

Really smart, and it's almost like a superpower in a way.

He's got a photographic memory, I've been told.

And that's no going to hurt you in life, you know what I mean?

The results of Danny's assessment will decide

what type of school he will attend next year.

We just got told there that Danny can go,

is probably going to go to a mainstream school.

Not even a mainstream school with a unit,

which is still, like, special needs.

He'll have additional support,

but he'll have the support that he needs.

Aye, but nae different than any other wean.

Brilliant. I'm over the moon an' all.

I cannae wait to go hame and phone my ma.

With the biggest show of their lives now just five days away,

the pressure is on,

and Jack Jester's getting a new outfit for the occasion.

A light grey one and a dark grey one,

and a black and then a light and then a leather.

'I don't order my wrestling gear online,'

because I cannae talk to the person

and I cannae stand and put it on and say, "Naw."

Yeah, cos we've got plenty up here.

That's why I've got Iona.

Yeah, that looks good. Yeah.

'I like things to be done a certain way.'

Like, if I'm going to a show I pack my bag the same order,

the same routine because then I know that I've got everything.

'Like, I've got drawers for everything,

'I know where everything is,'

and it's just when it's hectic chaos I cannae relax,

I don't know how people can function.

See, like that. That's pointless because I can barely see that.

I just, it makes me feel better when I'm really,

when I'm 100% happy with something.

What's teal? Teal's like a...

No, but teal is bad in wrestling.

My, dad's the same, to be honest. My dad's pretty...

You know, when it comes to his dress sense

and his colour matching and stuff, my dad at one point

used to have a pair of glasses for every colour of clothes

he would ever wear so he could match his glasses to he's shoes and stuff.

I think I've picked it up from him.

I started wrestling when I was 15. I've been non-stop since then.

Thousands of matches all over the country.

But the one person that's never seen me is my dad.

He's got his own reasons,

but come the ABC, the championship match,

this is the first time he's ever going to see me,

the first time he's going to see his son wrestling in front of him.

Ever. He's never seen a DVD,

he's never seen a videotape or any of the stuff I've recorded.

So it's going to be a big deal for me and a really big night for him.

But this is not the only change awaiting Jester.

On Sunday night's show, Mark's decided to crown him

his new ICW champion.

When I'm picking somebody to be the next ICW champion,

everything else is done off the cuff, you know, but that,

I take a lot of time.

And I usually know who the next champion is going to be

a year before they become the champion.

It's a very special thing in wrestling

when it's a belt that actually means something,

because the person who's the champ, you know, they hold that with pride.

They go out and bust their arse on every show for you.

They're meant to be the champion, you know what I mean?

Jester will be a great champion.

It's a poignant moment when that belt goes from one to the other.

The biggest show of Mark's career is now just one day away,

and he's still 450 tickets shy of a sell-out.

In a final publicity push, he's organised a flash mob pillow fight

in George Square.

-I'm nervous.

-You're nervous?

-Aye.

-I'm not.

-That I'm going to get the jail and I won't even go to my show.

What we're doing is not even bad,

it's just that the world is pure shite now.

Like you're not allowed to have fun.

There's a rule for everything, you know what I mean?

Like, this is a pillow fight in the town.

I shouldn't even be thinking about getting the jail.

And everybody else is after your health and safety

and whether you've done a risk assessment. I'm like, "Shut the fuck up, man."

-Bye!

-Bye-bye, buddy. Give me a kiss?

You want to shut the door?

-Yeah.

-OK, you going to slam it shut?

Mark's filming the pillow fight.

Once it's online, he's hoping it will be enough of a spectacle

to get people talking about ICW, and more importantly,

buy the last remaining tickets for the big fight night.

I'm more nervous about this than I am about the show tomorrow,

because if I get the jail for this, then no matter what we say,

I won't get out till Monday, so I'll miss the show.

There's the polis. Wait five minutes, wait five minutes.

I think a lot of people are afraid of things they don't understand.

I think in life, a lot of people think

you're meant to get a nine to five and get a house and a mortgage

and this and that, and you're not meant to go and do things you want to do.

The thing is, you can do the things you want to do,

it's just that a lot of people

haven't got the courage to go and pursue those career paths.

What's the John Lennon quote?

When he was young, the teacher asked him,

"What do you want to be when you're older?" He said "Happy."

And he went, "You don't understand the question."

And he was like, "No, you don't understand life."

-I think I should bail.

-Aye?

I think we're going to get a clean-up bill for this,

I bet you we do.

It's show day,

and the biggest fight night in ICW history has finally arrived.

Love you, buddy. OK, Daddy will see you later.

-Daddy will see you tomorrow, OK? Have fun with Granny, OK?

-Good luck.

You'll do brilliant, right?

I know, sweetie. Right, see you later. Bye-bye.

They've not just put "The ICW", they've put "Insane Champion".

I didn't think they'd have enough letters.

They've not got an A. "Fer and loathing"!

But "Insane Championship Wrestling", that's mental.

That's pure trippy, man.

That's quite insane, seeing our name up on that sign.

I remember about a year ago,

me and you were going along that road, steaming, and we says,

"How cool would it be to have ICW's name up there?"

About a year to the day, honestly.

If you were to sit and tell me three or four years ago

that we were going to do the things we've done

in the past three or four months, I wouldn't believe you for a second.

Tonight, in the biggest match of his career,

Jack Jester will become the new ICW champion.

And watching from the crowd for the very first time will be his dad.

I don't think there's a better,

a better show of everything to kind of go, like,

to bring you along to one show

to experience the full spectrum of the nights. Like, tonight,

regardless of how much your brain is telling you "He's hurt, he's hurt",

just remember that I'm all right, cos I'm in control.

I know where I'm going with it,

so don't get the urge to jump the barrier!

That was my thoughts years ago. I was like,

"How can I possibly watch my boy

"getting thrown about the ring with somebody twice his size?"

'My dad couldn't be prouder. He's always supported me.

'He's never forced me to be a certain type of person.

'I could have been a bit embarrassing for him,

'looking the way I look and dressing the way I dress.'

He could be like, "I'll just meet you in town".

But he never has. He embraces it. He still calls me the wean.

When the time comes for me to have kids, I've got good role models.

I'm looking forward to it. I'm glad it's this one I've come to.

Aye, it's perfect timing. It really is.

After months of planning

and a last few frantic days of ticket sales,

the biggest show in ICW history is finally here.

But is it sold out?

The reason we're here is because of you. It's fuck all to do with me,

it's because of you breaking your back for this company.

Everything, you've done. You think this is good?

Well, this is good, but it doesn't make your wages any higher.

I want your wages to all be higher. I want you to wake up in the morning,

look in the mirror and say, "I make a full-time living

"off professional fucking wrestling", right?

Thank you very much for everything you've done for this company.

Let's keep doing it, and I swear to God,

the next people to get paid is fucking every single one of yous,

you deserve it, all right, guys? Have a fucking fantastic show.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are coming live!

-CROWD:

-IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub!

Looks like a good crowd.

Is it good enough that I'm not fucking...

busking a week from now?

I don't know yet. I'll need to go and check. But it looks good.

I don't know, it looks all right.

..Right here in Glasgow!

CROWD CHEER

I just want to say, we had 1,000 people in Edinburgh.

Was that our biggest crowd ever?

Of course it isn't,

because we've got over 1,000 people in Glasgow tonight!

Switch, over I go, I pull you, out we go.

Get to the stage, hair pull, set the table up...

With the show sold out, the pressure is now on Jester

to pull off the performance of a lifetime for the fans, and his dad.

It's your night, mate, right? You deserve this.

-This is your night, mate. You're the fucking star, right?

-Cheers.

-I love you to death, mate.

-No pressure.

-Right.

-Thank you.

Jester!

HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS

Look at his eyes.

Has he got contacts in?

-He's got new ones.

-Dark ones.

I am going to watch none of this match,

cos I'm terrified that one of my mates gets hurt.

Because, um, they both pull it back for this company

just in general and normal life.

So I think what they're going to do in the title switch terrifies me.

Big leg drop there.

You've nae clue what these human beings do to each other.

Like, what they do for your entertainment.

People don't understand what we do for these people.

If they did understand, maybe they would understand

why I want these people to make fucking money.

It's my worst nightmare, innit?

The storylines are already written,

and both Jester and his opponents know who will win tonight.

But the blood is real,

and Jester is putting himself through a lot of pain

to give the fans a show they will never forget.

'I knew going in that my dad was going to have difficulty with it,

'because he's never seen me wrestling before.'

'And I knew this was going to get serious.'

Can't believe it.

I said, "Keep saying it to yourself."

If at any point during this show you think "He's in big danger",

just remember, I'm not. Turns out I kind of was.

Most of the time when things get serious in a match,

like if you hurt yourself or, you know, you're bleeding too much,

your opponent will tell you when it's enough.

You know, and there are times where, like,

I've been bleeding so much that I can't see and you're wiping it,

it's in your eyes. You're slipping on it

because it's gone from your head to the floor

so quick that you're actually slipping on your own blood.

It freaks me out. Look at the two of them, man.

Look what they're doing, look.

Jester cannae see, he's bleeding.

You know what I mean? I don't like that shit.

CROWD GASP

Look, he's fucking's scarred, know what I mean?

They cannae walk for days after this.

CROWD: IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub! IC Dub!

IC Dub!

One, two, three!

'It was good pressure. It was almost like I knew what I had to do.

'But before the match started, seeing all of them there,

'it just made you calm.'

You just think,

"They're all here, let's do this, let's show them what it's all about",

and I did.

..The new ICW heavyweight champion,

Jack Jester!

'Everything was in that room at that same time,

'and that's when I thought I'd got here.

'Like, and I remember standing in a wrestling ring'

in front of four folk and I thought,

"I left school to do this. Why have I done this?"

And then that night, I thought, "There's my answer."

You all right?

I'm fine.

It's a real feeling, you know, to see your son getting hurt like that.

But he coped with it well, didn't he? It's just a job to him, innit?

'It's just lit a fire under me even more.

'It's made me think, like, maybe this will work.

'Maybe we can, you know, be full-time pros

'and maybe we can make a full-time living off this business.

'The only way we're going to be able to do that is if we branch out.'

New cities, bigger shows, bigger, badder, better. You know what I mean?

Go faster stripes, 3-D and all that.

And see how far we can go with it, you know what I mean?

One of my favourite quotes of all time is

"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss, you're still amongst the stars."

So basically, that is what we're going to try and do.

We're going to shoot for the moon, and if we miss, well, fuck it.

That's right. I've fucking ended up in Las Vegas, Nevada.

All right, big man? How you doing? How you doing, mate?

You fucking numpty!

# I was blind, now I can see

# You made a believer out of me

# I was blind, now I can see

# You made a believer out of me

# I'm movin' on up now

# Getting out of the darkness... #