Cherry Healey: Like a Virgin

This programme contains some strong language from the start and with sexual material.

So, in 1994 I'm 14, and my diary says things like,

"I can't wait to go home and see Mum and Dad,

"and I really want to walk the dog,

"and I had a baked potato, and I had a crap netball lesson."

So all like that. Then a year later, 1995, I'm 15, and it says,

"I'm going to fuck Ed senseless."

MUSIC: "Kiss" by Prince

"Met this guy called Phil on the train, he's so fit."

"Another seriously fit bloke was on the train

"and gave me come to bed eyes."

Something happened when I turned 15, and I just went bananas.

"Tom was here. Tall, dark, sex crying out to me."

'Losing your virginity can be momentous,

'exciting and nerve-racking all rolled into one.

'And in the last few years,

'more and more teenagers are having sex for the first time before 16.

'Especially girls.

'But just how important is it? Does age matter,

'and is it fundamentally different for men and women?

'I've always wanted to know about other people's first times,

'but never quite had the nerve to ask...until now.'

'First, my story.

'Aged 16, three months and two days,

'my sex-starved teen self decided to finally take the plunge,

'and find out what all that fuss was about

'with my first serious boyfriend.'

It was about four in the morning because the sun was coming up

and the birds were singing. And we just...really calmly

and sweetly decided that maybe we should have sex.

Everything around the sex was really lovely,

but the actual sex itself was just really painful.

It stung, it was uncomfortable.

I remember at one point, I think I wanted to cry a little bit.

I didn't feel bad about it because he was so lovely,

but I didn't particularly enjoy the actual sex.

It was a very weird experience the first time.

'The pain was a shock, as I wasn't really expecting it,

'but that was me.

'I want to know what losing your virginity is like

'for everyone else too.

'So, I'm going to start by asking some boys about their first times,

'to see if it was different for them.'

I've come to Huddersfield, to meet a house full of students,

who play in a band together, and I've been led to believe

are a big hit with the ladies.

-Cherry!

-You're Dan!

-Hello, Cherry. How you doing?

-Nice to meet you.

Fantastic, come on in. Let me show you round my house.

'First up is trombone player, Dan, and I want to find out

'when, where and how he popped his cherry.'

-Is that a whip?

-Yeah.

-It ain't mine.

-Dan?

-Yeah, it is mine. I got it at V Festival...

-Dan?

-Why you got a whip on your curtain?

-I've been using that since Year Nine.

I'm going to put the whip down.

There's so many details in this house. Eugh, I know what that is!

RECORDED MOOING

Oh, I touched it!

-Yeah.

-That is a willy hat.

-Probably, I don't know. It's not mine.

-Dan, is that definitely not yours?

-Yeah.

-Have you ever...?

I've worn it, yeah, but it ain't mine!

RECORDED MOOING

-Welcome to my lair.

-Is this the love shack?

Nope. Strictly missionary up there in't it, so...

Oh, look, the clothes, Dan! You've got to sort out the clothes!

You've brought me home from the pub and, you know, it's romantic.

-There's not a sheet on the bed!

-I don't sleep in this bed, do I?

-There's dirt on that...

-How am I supposed to feel the romance

-if there's no sheets on the bed?

-Girls don't come back for romance.

-Girls come back for sex.

-So it would have to be spooning, missionary...

-Nah, that wouldn't work.

-That is not going to happen.

So come on, Dan. Tell me, when did you lose it?

I was 16 years old. I kind of just, like, got down to it.

Don't need to give you details about that. But afterwards was quite funny,

cos I was going to go downstairs and get us a nice cup of coffee

-cos I'm nice like that. I don't just leave them there.

-That is romantic.

So, of course, I was going down in just my boxers,

still had a bit of a...yeah! So I went down in just my boxers,

checked in the mirror. I had all scratches on my back

so I must've been doing something right but, yeah, anyway...

I then look to my left and I realise my whole extended family's round,

and my dad comes into the hallway and he's like, "So, how was that?"

I've got the scratches and that. I said "What do you mean?" He was like,

"We could hear the music and the thumping for a good 20, 25 minutes."

And I was like, "Next time it'll be half an hour."

Oh, my goodness! So who was there?

My family, grandparents, a few aunties, uncles and that.

Did anyone give you a knowing wink?

I do remember going round shaking people's hands.

I'm not sure if they were congratulating me

or just saying hello.

Oh God, let's hope it was hello!

'Next, it's time for a drink with the singer DWP,

'and the rest of Dan's mates.'

I have never had a threesome.

Stand up bruv, yeah, you have!

I have never had anal sex.

THEY LAUGH

I'm here to hear about your stories of your first time,

so this is a sharing place.

I was 18, like a week before I turned 19.

And it was in uni, on a night out.

Some dude just goes to some random chick, and he points at me

and goes, "He's got a massive cock."

She came over to me, she took my phone, put her number in my phone,

and then went away. I was still in the club,

and then she said she was outside.

So I came outside and, yeah, she gave me head by McDonalds.

So, I was there and there's taxis passing, as well.

I was, like, thumbs-up to the taxis.

And then I did it and...it was awesome! Lasted for like 45 minutes!

No, you didn't! That's a lie!

Do you feel like that was quite old to lose your virginity,

or did you feel like that was the right time?

People made me feel like it was old but honestly, I felt, like,

I genuinely did not give a shit until I did it.

And then once I did it, I was like, "Oh, wait! I've been missing out!"

-Your turn.

-My experience is a bit different from their experiences.

I was really nervous when I first did it, to be honest.

-It was kind of functional?

-It was, I need to do this and leave quickly.

And then text all my friends and tell them I'm finally a man!

Did you find that the nerves affected your performance at all?

-Yes.

-In what way?

In a bad way. It was nerve-racking. It wasn't like it is now.

It was a first time experience so you're going to be a bit nervous...

Technically how does it affect your performance,

cos girls have the pain, it's different for girls in some ways

but I think boys have that pressure that girls don't have.

You always think you've got to make sure she's having a good time.

That's what I thought anyway.

So it was hard to keep focus on...your tool.

-As in, is it hard to stay hard?

-Well, it was for me first time.

Yeah, it was quite difficult.

Girls have got parts of losing their virginity that's a nightmare.

ALL SPEAK AT ONCE

I did nothing. I was just concentrating on not crying.

There seems to be a lot of bravado around losing your virginity.

Performance and how long you lasted and whether you were good or not.

I do wonder whether...I think it is physically different for boys.

For girls, it's so intimate. It's that first time

that someone's kind of invaded your space a little bit.

Someone is inside you, and I think that's maybe why, for girls,

their story is much more important. They want to be somewhere safe.

You want to be with someone who's going to appreciate

that that is quite a big thing to do.

I do think for boys, physically, it just isn't such a big deal.

'So, the boys think they're pretty hot stuff in the bedroom,

'but are they really the consummate performers?'

MUSIC: "Mack The Knife"

Tonight's brilliant, the boys are really fun,

the band is brilliant.

There were a lot of girls looking at those boys.

I do think that being in a band helps with the ladies.

'Yep, it's true, being on stage does make you more attractive,

'but, then again, I've always preferred a sense of humour.'

MUSIC: "Like A Virgin"

# You make me feel

# Yeah, you make me feel Shiny and new... #

Ready everyone!

# Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time. #

Yeah, uh! Who cares about the words, when you have moves like this?!

All right, that's it! That's it!

'I know only too well, that when you're drunk,

'you can do some pretty wild and silly things.

'Which reminds me, I have a little confession to make.'

'There is in fact a question mark over my first time.

'Back in the summer of 1995, on my first ladettes' holiday

'in Cornwall, aged 15 & drunk on cider, I wandered off with a

'wannabe surfer to have a fling, which may be the real moment

'I lost my virginity.'

Oh, wow, yes, it was here. This is definitely the place.

So we met in the pub, and we had a snog in the pub,

and then we walked down to the beach, hand in hand probably.

And we came down here. It was really dark, we were both pretty drunk,

and we found an upturned boat, and I think we got under it.

I'm pretty sure it was here.

I'm pretty sure it was here, because I remember it all being

quite enclosed.

And there was fumbling, and there were hands down pants.

And...

..and there was a bit of, like... a bit of humping.

God, it's all flooding back, that is just insane.

I think at some stage, his willy was on my leg.

Eu-u-urgh! Eurgh!

This is where my memory gets really hazy.

I don't know whether we actually had sex at that point or whether

we didn't, I just don't remember, I really, really don't remember.

It's really sexy under here(!)

Yep, it's really put me in the mood(!)

I have told the story of this beach to so many people

and I've laughed about it. Now that I'm here,

it just doesn't seem so funny.

The thing that's embarrassing me most is not the beach.

It's not the boat, it's not even that it was

in the middle of the night and a bit drunken.

The thing that's making me feel embarrassed

is that I don't know who he is. Just some random guy.

He didn't know me. He didn't care about me.

I didn't speak to him afterwards. He didn't try getting in touch with me.

So, that's my problem.

I hate that my lovely story might not be my first time.

'Coming back has really thrown me.

'I just didn't think I'd react like this after all these years.

'But I'm not sure I was this bothered back then.

'I want to be reminded what goes through a girl's head

'before she makes that crucial decision.

'Are teens today genuinely torn about the right time to do it?'

'I've come to Pevensey Bay on the South Coast

'to meet 17-year-old trainee hairdresser, Elizabeth Taylor.

'Beth thinks it's time to pop her cherry,

'and she's off to Lanzarote tomorrow on an all-girls' holiday.

'It could be the ideal opportunity.'

Can I ask what your experience has been with boys to this point?

I've been on dates with guys, and I have had a few boyfriends,

but nothing major.

-So you've snogged a guy?

-Yes.

-What else?

That's pretty much it.

Have you had a plan on how to lose your virginity?

I haven't had a plan, but when the time's right

I will know when it is right. And I'm just waiting for that moment.

What do you envisage as the perfect time?

Nice quiet room and romantic music, and petals on the bed and candles!

Really romantic and nice, but that probably will never happen.

But I might not lose it with a boyfriend.

I might lose it on a one night stand. I'm really not sure.

Part of me just wants to rip off all my clothes!

So there's a really confident part of you that thinks,

"Oh, stop fussing. Just do it!"

Yeah, part of me is saying, "Beth, don't worry about it.

"Get naked, open your legs. Everything will be fine."

-So there's a bit of a dilemma?

-Definitely.

I've got two people on my shoulders going,

"Do it!" "Don't do it!"

Beth definitely reminds me of what it was like

to be a teenager and how difficult it is to get it exactly right.

You want it to be lovely and special but you've got to wait for that.

Is there a perfect time to lose your virginity?

Is there that magic moment? Well...

sometimes, no.

'Just in case she meets the right guy in Lanzarote,

'Beth's decided to have her first ever bikini wax.'

-Are you a bit nervous?

-I'm very nervous.

-No-one has ever seen my vajajay.

-No-one's ever seen your vuvu?

-No.

-Ever?

-I... No.

-Your mum?

-My mum has.

-That's it?

-Yes.

-So this is your vagina debut?

-Yes.

If you want to pop your shoes and leggings off for me.

-And pop yourself on the couch for me.

-Will you be gentle with her?

I'll be as gentle as I can. I can't guarantee that.

Shall I leave my socks on?

You know what, you can't ask that in sex.

You must always take socks off during sex.

-What's wrong with that? Do they look unattractive, then?

-It's wrong!

-Is it a bit, a bit ow-ey?

-Yes!

-Happy thoughts. Holiday...

-Think of that sunshine.

-..sangria,

beer and spritzers.

-I'll have a little look.

-What do you think?

-It's nice.

-Done a good job?

-I like it. Wow!

-Does it look neat?

-It does look neat, there's no hair!

-High five!

'As well as being physically prepared after her little trim,

'Beth is also mentally prepared for losing her virginity.

'For a couple of years now, she's been getting extra-curricular

'sex education... from her parents.'

So, parents of Beth, tell me about how you have gone about

the birds and the bees chat.

Well, Beth would come to me with hundreds of questions in her mind.

-What kind of questions?

-"How do you do it, Mum?"

"Do you do it on the sofa?" "Can you do it on the floor?" "How do I lay?"

"Do I do backwards? "What's doggy style?" "What's this...?"

It was question after question...

"What does it feel like when you put it in your mouth?"

"What's a blow job?"

"Is it like that, or like that?" And oh, my God!

Have there ever been any difficult questions?

Anal, you know, do you do that?

You are a brave girl!

So I did say it's not compulsory to do that.

But if you want to try, you can. I did say to Beth,

if you want to know what it feels like, stick your thumb up your bum,

and basically, you'll find out from there. So she did.

I can't believe I'm hearing that!

Really?

-What did you think when your dad said that?

-I tried it!

And it wasn't great!

We've had jokes about Beth's virginity.

Trying to sell it on eBay, which was very funny.

My mate Bob offered her 50 quid for it.

In a way, you don't make it taboo by making it jokey and funny...

and something you can talk about.

Sex is just such a taboo subject. If it's brought up,

people brush it under the carpet. Why not just be open about it?

Beth has an amazing relationship with her parents.

They have such an open relationship. They can talk about anything.

They have invested, and as a result, they can trust that their daughter

will be sensible, and she's fully informed.

And that's a really positive thing.

But I'll be interested to see what happens in Lanzarote.

'Beth might be dreaming about her future romance,

'but I'm still stuck on my holiday fling at 15.

'I've decided to get proactive, and see if I can track down

'that boy on the beach in Cornwall,

'and ask him, once and for all, "Did we or didn't we have sex?"

'So I'm calling my old mates who were there on the night.'

Bit of a weird one. You ready?

I had a fumble with a guy under a boat.

Did you have dyed blonde hair? No.

Not particularly tall. Quite slight.

Do you know anyone who fits that description?

Wasn't him. Wasn't him.

No, I would've remembered him.

-Prince William?

-Prince William. I don't think it was him.

'I may not have found my, erm, prince yet, but word is out there.

'In the meantime, I want to know if your first time

'does impact on your later sex life, and if it can knock your confidence

'if it's not quite what you thought it was going to be.'

'I've come to north London to get picked up by Alex,

'a lady I know is super-confident...

'but was it always that way?'

-Hi, are you Alex?

-Yeah!

-Hi, I'm Cherry!

-Hi!

'Alex is taking me back to the scene of her first time.

'And I wonder just how glamorous it might have been.'

Spill the beans, tell me about your first time.

Quite shamefully, it was in the back of a Fiat Panda

in the car park, over there.

I don't even know how I did it physically, because I do yoga now,

and I look at a Fiat Panda and I don't know how we did it, but we did!

They're tiny! Those seats must've gone back!

They went back. I think they reclined but, d'you know, I think,

if I can remember, we were on the driver's side as well.

De-flowered in the park.

What was the run up to that event?

I was 17, really shy, really ugly, really body con... you know,

I had the teenage acne, I had the dodgy...

I hadn't worked out who I was, I didn't feel comfortable

in my own skin.

-So you weren't experienced at that point?

-No, not at all.

What kind of experiences had you had beforehand?

I'd had none. I'd never been on a date, I think I'd been asked out

by one boy once, but I was so embarrassed

I just said no and ran away.

And I had a summer job, waitressing. And he was just a waiter there,

and I'd seen him a couple of times, and he was really cheeky

and good looking, and at least 10 years older than me.

Then he phoned me and said "I'm in the area. Do you want to go out?"

And I was like, "Yeah!"

I had this naive idea that we were going to have a first date.

Er, no. We came here!

Do you remember anything about the sex?

Did it hurt, did it feel uncomfortable, was it nice?

-It felt uncomfortable and I remember I bled a lot...

-Really?

..which was awful and embarrassing, and I was so glad it was dark

and he didn't know that.

Wow! So, did you see him again after that?

D'you know what? It was not ever a relationship,

but I thought it was. Looking back on it, I'm convinced

he had a girlfriend, he was in a relationship, living with someone,

cos I never went to his house, I never learned anything about him.

We learned an awful lot about the parks of Great Britain

and various friends of his' flats, but that was about it.

So, I saw him a few times after that.

Really? So...you were his bit on the side.

But I didn't really know that. You just take it for what it is.

He dictated when he phoned me, when we met up,

and I had to make myself free.

'Alex might have been taken for a ride,

'but in her line of work these days,

'she is very definitely in the driving seat.'

'Alex is a burlesque dancer,

'and runs a successful cabaret night in Soho.'

Woo!

Oh, my God! Amazing! That was amazing. That was really amazing.

How did shy, 17 year-old Alex become this?

Sometimes I wonder. I was just one of those people that was

dead shy in life, but the moment you put me on stage, I discovered,

anything would come out. My character would come out

and I'd get taken away. I was much better as a character

than I was at myself.

-More confident just in your normal...?

-Definitely.

It's not made me some mad predator or anything!

It's just, you know, 90 per cent about sex and about communication.

It's about confidence and assurance and being comfortable with yourself.

Unless you're comfortable with your body, how can you share it

with someone else?

-Would Lady Alex have sex in a Ford Panda?

-Oh God, no! No.

-Not in that outfit, anyway.

-I need at least an estate car these days!

'Alex was as vulnerable as the rest of us when she lost her virginity,

'and I'm starting to wonder if there is such a thing

'as a romantic, painless experience, or if your first time

is just something you have to get done and move on from.'

'I've come out to Lanzarote to see how 17-year-old virgin Beth

'is getting on, on her first ever girls' holiday.

'Well, I couldn't turn down the chance of some winter sun, could I?'

-What is this?

-This is my T-shirt.

Oh, my goodness!

"I'm a learner...

-"So teach me."

-"..so teach me!"

Yeah, I wore this on the first night, and to the airport.

Were you embarrassed wearing this?

-Not really, I found it quite funny.

-It is funny, it's really funny.

'She may have the T-shirt,

'but what other experiences will she be coming home with?'

Give me the details.

Beth's got a couple of things missing from her neck!

-What happened?

-I just got a few love bites.

-You had some snogs?

-Yes.

-And you got some love bites?

-Yeah.

-So how far had you got, can I ask?

Er...just kissing, really.

-Trousers off? Naked?

-Yeah.

-Both of you?

-Yeah.

It's a bit more than kissing, isn't it?

She missed out quite a big bit, didn't you, Beth?

Beth, what did you miss out? Are you keeping secrets?

-Just a little one.

-What secret are you keeping from me?

-I gave a blow job.

-WHAT?!

What?! You missed out such a crucial piece of information.

Oh my, it all comes out now! You dig deep enough, and it all comes out.

-How did you find it?

-It literally lasted ten seconds,

cos it was disgusting. I didn't like it at all.

I was like, "Get this willy out of my mouth!"

-How did he react?

-He was like, "Why have you stopped?"

And I was like, "Because it's disgusting!"

-Did you say it's disgusting?

-No, I just said

-"I don't want to do it any more."

-Oh, my goodness!

I think he was a bit gutted because he left without me

finishing him off. He was a bit upset, actually.

It's not the romantic scene that you were wishing for, was it?

No, definitely not. But then, who knows?

Still got two nights left.

Oh, my goodness!

Beth has been a really busy girl! I'm really shocked!

I really didn't think she would do anything, really.

There is something about going on holiday. That heady mix

of sun, sand, sea and lots of alcohol.

Things happen on girly holidays.

'And it's not over yet.

'I'm joining the girls on another big night out,

'but Beth's promised not to let me get too drunk.'

'Oh well.'

I am a virgin!

-Does everybody know?

-Yes!

It's so embarrassing!

What's it like, the fact that everybody knows you're a virgin?

-It's kind of an island thing.

-It's weird. On the first night,

when I wore the top, everyone said, "What does the learner mean?"

I had to tell them, I couldn't make something up, so I said,

"Well actually, I've never had sex," and they were like, "What?"

And from then on, everyone's just told everyone.

'People might know she's a virgin,

'but that could be a turn-on for some of the boys.

'And Joe, her fling from the other night,

'doesn't seem to have been discouraged by what happened!'

What's it like seeing Joe, is it weird?

It is a bit weird, actually.

Because all I can think about is his...knob!

I forget what it's like to be a teenager.

But there are no hard feelings when it comes to sex,

and there are no hard feelings when it comes to sexual boundaries.

It should be so much more awkward than it is,

I mean, it's like nothing's happened.

Right now, I just think, "I want to have sex."

I'm only thinking that because I'm drinking.

That's what happened on Friday night.

The alcohol drove me to the bedroom and drove me to take my clothes off.

So, I was a bit like, "Whoa, what is happening here?"

'If Beth does go all the way tonight,

'she'd hardly be the first teen to pop her cherry whilst drunk.'

'Anyway, feels like time for me to make my excuses.

'I'll catch up in the morning.'

All right, give me the goss. What happened?

It was a bit of a messy night, I can't really remember much.

Did you get any action?

No, I didn't. Nothing happened last night. Not even a kiss.

It seemed to me that everyone there knew you were a virgin,

but you seemed really comfortable with it, happy with it. It's fine.

Yeah, cos I am kind of proud, I am proud of myself

and I don't care if people know.

It seems like you're just not embarrassed by sex,

you're not shy about it.

No, I'm really not shy. When I come to have sex,

I probably won't be shy when I'm having sex.

I'll be like, "I've waited for this. I'm going to make it special."

When I was younger, I did look at everyone losing their virginity,

and I felt pressure to lose it. I didn't want to be 'the virgin'.

But, for Beth it's kind of a badge of honour.

She got a lot of attention last night as being 'the virgin',

and she's so open and carefree about it, and laughs along.

She's really proud of being a virgin and she's proud she hasn't just

done it in a back alley with someone she doesn't remember.

'I admire that Beth's had the confidence to bide her time

'and wait a bit longer for romance.

'But what happens if you choose the opposite path?

'I want to meet someone who's lost it at a really young age.

'Could it actually be better to get your first time

'out of the way as soon as possible?'

'I've come to Port Talbot in South Wales to meet 15 year old Darihan.'

That's kind of amazing.

'He says he was the first amongst his mates to lose his virginity,

'at the age of just 12, and I'm dying to ask him what it was like

'and what he makes of it now.'

That didn't go so well!

'So I've headed back to chat to him at his sister Denika's house.'

Tell me about where it was, talk me through the details.

-On the kitchen floor.

-Oh, my God.

-Romantic(!)

-Yeah.

Did you like her? How did you feel about her?

We were just friends.

-Did you fancy her?

-No.

And was there any build-up to the sex, had you kissed the girl?

I didn't kiss her, didn't even touch her, it just happened.

-You didn't kiss her?

-No.

-And you had sex with her?

-Yeah.

So how did you know what to do?

I think it came in my head, really. There's a hole, something hard,

and it just goes in.

I didn't know if it was right. I just thought, "Put it in there."

Did you know what to do once that had happened?

I just went back and forth. I didn't really know how to do it.

-I thought, it's tickling.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Remember what you said to her after?

Yeah, it looked like phlegm, didn't it?

-But you didn't know what that liquid was?

-No, I do now!

You do now! But at the time...

I thought, "That's strange.

"Never mind."

Do you remember knowing what sex was?

No, I'd just seen it on TV.

-Did you use a condom?

-No.

Did you know what a condom was?

No.

Do you remember, at any point thinking

that it might lead to pregnancy?

At the time I didn't, but afterwards I was like,

"Oh, she could be pregnant." I don't know. I don't care.

'At the time, 12 year-old Darihan may not have fully understood

'the consequences of his actions. But Denika, a single mum herself,

'certainly did.'

I was stressed out, even though I thought there's no way,

from what I'd heard, she could be pregnant.

There was still that chance that she could be.

But all that was running through my mind was

the thought of my brother being a 12 year-old father, and that just,

I remember feeling a knot in my stomach.

There was nothing I could do about it, it was out of my control.

All I could do was sit back, wait,

and try and explain to my brother exactly what he's done.

Thank God, luckily, it didn't come to that.

And I hope, in the future, he's learned,

and he won't make any silly mistakes to get in that situation again.

I suppose, normally, when I think about virginity stories,

or when people are telling me theirs,

there is definitely emotional content there.

With Darihan, because he was so young,

it was just a physical thing for him. It was not a massive deal.

The reality is, if he had got that girl pregnant,

it would've been possibly the most significant moment of his life.

'In my late teens and early twenties, I too was free and easy

'about who I slept with.

'By the time I was 22, I'd racked up double figures on my bedpost

'and found myself in some pretty awkward situations

'after one too many drinks.'

When I started to have sex with people,

and I didn't know their name in the morning, something had to change.

There was one waiter, and we had sex under his dining room table.

And I woke up in the morning, under the table, and I remember thinking,

"I don't think I know your name and I've got to go home now,

"and I feel really, really, really awful."

And I felt awful for about three weeks.

Every time I remembered it, I remember feeling, "Eugh."

It's like eating too much cake. At the time it's great,

but then the minute it's finished, you just don't feel very good.

'I found myself making the same mistakes over and over again,

'but I did finally have an epiphany,

'and decided to do something drastic.'

I think, in a moment of confidence, I decided, "Right, that is it.

"That is enough. I am not going to have sex for a year,

"and I'm going to see how it affects me."

'Luckily for me, I met a new guy.

'He was a kindred spirit in my celibacy.

'A practising Christian, dedicated to remaining a virgin

'until marriage.'

I really, really fancied him,

so there were some moments where it got quite heated,

and obviously, we wanted to do more stuff.

So we had to put in some rules.

Don't touch what you haven't got. And don't take your clothes off.

It's amazing how effective those two rules are.

The furthest we ever went was snogging, but I tell you,

if there's one thing that's hotter than having sex,

then that's not having sex.

That pent up frustration creates a really exciting atmosphere.

There were a few times when I thought,

"Let's just get married so we can have sex!" But he broke up with me.

What's interesting is some people say you can't have a bond

unless you've had sexual intimacy. Well, that is complete rubbish,

because when I broke up with him I was distraught, distraught.

My heart was completely broken, completely.

'It may not have worked out with him, but I did stick with

'the no nookie rule for just a little while longer.'

I ended up not having sex for about four years and three months,

which sounds like a really, really long time.

But I changed a lot in that time. I started feeling happier around boys,

because I was in control of who I was and wasn't sleeping with.

'I might be a one-man woman now, but it took me

'various twists and turns to get there.

'So, what happens if the only person you ever sleep with

'is the person you end up marrying?'

'I've come to West Sussex to meet mother of three, Sarah,

who got together with the father of her children,

fellow wheelchair user Andy, at college when she was 17.

I always noticed him in the background.

He was always sort of lingering.

And one day we went off into what they call the chapel.

And he shut the door behind him,

and then he barricaded himself against the door, so...

This was a man with a plan!

Yeah, it was, definitely. The only way he agreed to let me out was

if I agreed to give him a chance and go out with him for a while.

That is right on the line isn't it, of unbelievably romantic

and completely terrifying!

I agreed to go out with him for a while, to give him a chance,

as he put it. And I did, and then four months later he proposed.

Were you nervous about actually losing your virginity?

Erm...

No, because I loved Andy, and wanted to be with him

and I wanted to have a sex life with him. I felt that it was right,

and it's nice to be able to share that kind of thing

with someone you really care about.

How did you guys plan to do it together?

One night, his parents were still out at the pub

cos we came back early, and we were actually in his parents' bed.

Bold, very bold, Sarah!

He's sort of lying there in anticipation!

It was just basically all me.

Without being too blunt, my horse riding lessons came in quite handy.

It was basically that. Leg over, and all that kind of business.

It was wonderful because his mum came in the room,

and there's me with my bum in the air,

and she shut the door and went back out.

And I'm looking at Andy thinking, "Well what now, do we carry on?"

-So, did you?

-Yeah!

'Sarah and Andy got married soon after.

'Despite being told they wouldn't be able to have children,

'they ended up having three little miracles.

'Unfortunately, Andy had muscular dystrophy

'and when his condition worsened, Sarah's life turned upside down.'

How did his illness progress when you were together?

Well, as you can see by that picture over there, he could still

feed himself, shave himself when he was up and about in the chair.

And he still went out and about, you know shopping, down the pub,

all that kind of thing. But over time, I suppose where the muscles

get weaker and weaker and he gets weaker and weaker he did less,

went less places, spent more time in the house or in the bed,

stuff like that.

How did the kids cope with it?

I prepared them as much as I could, even beforehand.

They always knew their daddy wasn't well.

I couldn't bring myself to say the word or words

"Daddy's going to die," I just couldn't, so I said,

"Daddy this time, he's not going to get any better.

"So you need to say goodbye."

'Andy sadly passed away in 2007.

'But a few years on, I'm keen to find out

'how Sarah's life has changed, especially her sex life.'

Since you lost Andy, have you been in other relationships?

Have you had other partners?

It took me about a year to get out there.

I kind of was worried about feeling guilty and how would I feel...

And did you?

No, because it was, I thought I was going to, but I didn't,

because it was completely different.

Have you had quite a lot of fun, sexually, in the past years?

Oh, yeah, much more fun. I've got a box of toys.

I've got pink restraints on my bed.

I've tried a bit of slap and tickle. That's quite interesting!

I've even been handcuffed to my chair and all sorts of things,

so it can be turned into really good fun.

Of the dressing up and the toys and the handcuffs,

what has been your most favourite new discovery?

-The threesome was quite nice.

-WHAT!?

I did say I was adventurous to do different things, you know.

Was it scary? Was it fun?

It wasn't scary cos I didn't see him half the time,

cos I was blindfolded.

Cos I said I didn't want to see him.

If he's not good-looking, I don't want to see him!

-I think I'd be too nervous to do it. Did you love it?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-I'd do it again any day!

-Really? Was it really hot?

Yeah, massive difference to what I'd dealt with before.

That must've been really unnerving, cos if you'd been in charge before,

to have someone dominate you, did you like it or was it scary?

I liked it. I think cos I'd never had that,

I could just like lie back and think of England or something!

Its lovely that Sarah had a romantic start to her sex life,

to have lost her virginity to someone she ended up marrying

and having children with is really lovely.

But obviously, her sex life then didn't really fulfil

her desire to be adventurous and her high sex drive,

and she is really making up for lost time now. She is so adventurous,

and so...

I mean, she has a sex life that puts most people to shame.

'Sarah's experiences have been almost the reverse of mine.

'and I'm starting to think there is nothing so straightforward

'as a sexual A to B.

'Sex lives all start SO differently

'but what happens thereafter is anyone's guess.'

'I've come to North London to meet Allen,

'a 27 year old shop manager who says he's lost his virginity

'on not one but three separate occasions.'

-Hi, Allen!

-Hi!

'And I'm dying to find out how on earth that could happen.'

-Is that a guy's or a girl's?

-No, its definitely a girl's.

Tell me about your first time.

Well, oh God, where do I start with this?

I was 15, and I've got older brothers who, as they do,

they want to get you drunk. Ruin you before you get to 16.

They said, "We're going to a party."

It was down the round from where we lived. They were like,

"We're going to try and hook you up with someone tonight."

So it was your typical Skins house party.

It was a cattle market, everyone going for whatever they could get.

And my brother was pushing me closer to one person in particular.

And I was like, "Brilliant. OK, let's go for it."

So your brother kind of hand picked someone for you

-to lose your virginity to?

-Yeah, he did, he did.

We were kissing, I started groping her breasts.

Going for it, fumbling around as you would at that age.

Took me a couple of attempts to realise, "Is it in or not?"

-Did you enjoy it?

-At the time, I thought it was amazing.

But when you look back, oh, God!

The next thing I remember was waking up in the morning,

and thinking "Jesus Christ, I have to go to school!"

The first thing was, "Oh, my God, I've got to get ready!"

"I've got to go to school." She was like, "I'll come with you."

And I said, "No, I'm not going home. I'm going to school."

And she stood up and slapped me round the face.

It turned out she was actually 24.

-Wow! What a first time story! That is epic, Allen.

-I know.

'Allen's first time was memorable,

'but his sex life then took a completely different swerve.'

So, after an interesting first experience, what happened next?

I spent the next couple of years just having one night stands,

and trying to build on relationships with girls

but I ended up with a girl when I was around 17, for a year,

and one of the things she really wanted to do was

have a two guys and a girl experience.

So, I wasn't really keen on it and I was very much like,

"I don't know if I want to do this, I'm not 100 per cent."

And she was like, "Right, we're going to go to a gay club

"on the weekend and you're coming." I was like, "Oh, I don't know."

Went out and actually had the best night of my life.

It was so chilled out, everyone seemed to be having more fun.

We were out with her friends, her best friend was called Richard.

They both started making out, and I thought, "Right, OK,

"I'm kind of a little bit turned on by this. This is interesting,

"I think I might actually...I like this!" So, I got involved.

-So what happened?

-If I'm going to be quite graphic about it,

we all had sex and for the first time I probably penetrated a guy.

It was really enjoyable and pleasurable and felt quite natural.

So, what happened in the morning when you woke up and sobered up

and thought, "I've had sex with a guy?"

Yeah, that was a big turning point for me.

I freaked out a little bit, but by having that threesome

it opened up loads of emotions inside me I'd probably locked away

and hadn't realised. I didn't also want to admit

that maybe there was a part of me that might be bisexual or gay.

In a way, the threesome experience was losing your virginity again.

-Losing your gay virginity.

-Exactly.

-Partly.

-Definitely.

'Speaking to Allen, his threesome was as fresh

'and revelatory as most people's first time.

'But Allen is convinced that he lost his virginity AGAIN

'when he came out as gay.'

So tell me about your first proper boyfriend.

It was a bit of a whirlwind relationship, really.

We arranged a date. He didn't know it was my birthday.

It was nice, it was relaxed, it was like talking to a friend.

Did you have, like, proper sex with him?

Yeah, it wasn't the most amazing experience,

but it was emotional and the connection was there.

I think it became very obvious we both lacked in experience,

when it came to basically having full on sex. He was very aware that

we were supposed to use lubricant and I was never aware of this.

There was no lubricant on hand, so he grabbed the nearest thing

that he thought would be right, which was a tube of Germoline.

-What's Germoline?

-Antiseptic.

-And he basically applied it and then we had sex.

-Oh, my God!

You can imagine, antiseptic going in an internal cavity, very painful.

It burned. It was the most excruciating pain

I've ever had in my life.

The worst thing was I didn't want to say stop

because it was such an emotional experience for us both.

I continued in pain the entire time and didn't say anything.

-I know!

-Owww!

-This deserves a moment, doesn't it?

That deserves a moment. Wow, that's so kind of you!

I just think, for me, I didn't want to ruin

what we'd decided to do together but I, wow I learnt a lot from that!

When you had that experience in the threesome,

had you technically lost your gay virginity to him?

I think it depends on how you perceive your virginity.

I don't define my virginity as in having a sexual experience.

I define it as having an emotional connection

adjoined with the sexual experience.

You can say, "This meant something to me,

"and this is something I'll always remember."

'Allen's had three significant sexual experiences in his life,'

and it does put up the question, what is losing your virginity?

For Allen, it's not black and white.

There was almost a progression to the point where he feels

he really lost his virginity.

'Everyone I've met has lost it in a very different way.

'But I've not found a magic formula to start a great sex life,

'because I don't think there is one.

'Whether you're a cocky guy with sex toys,

'a monogamist who now puts me to shame

'or a boy who was so young, he didn't even know what he was doing,

'it's not about how you start, but where you end up.'

'So I'm giving up my search for my Cornwall fling.

'I've just got to accept that that wilder girl

'who threw caution to the wind is a part of me, even if I'm married,

'and slightly straighter laced now.'

'My final visit is back in central London, as I've come to meet

'Alex again, at one of the burlesque nights she runs in Soho.'

Now tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have music!

CROWD: Woo!

We have comedy!

CROWD: Woo!

And we have burlesque!

CROWD: Woo!

'I love the fact that Alex's vulnerable first time

'in the back of a car didn't dictate her sexual journey.

'And she says it was burlesque that gave her the confidence she needed.

'And surely the key to a successful sex life is confidence.

'So time to test mine.

'Alex has dared me to get up on stage.

'And, what the hell? I'm going to give it a go.'

Tonight I'm unleashing a side of myself

that normally gets hidden in a cupboard.

I've been too embarrassed by that girl who has fumbles with boys

under boats. I'm not going to be embarrassed by her any more.

'So, not for the first time, I've made my bed...

'now I'd better just lie in it.'

Please welcome to the stage, the gorgeous, the divine Cherry Healey!

MUSIC: "(You're The) Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley

CROWD CHEERS

CROWD CHEERS

CROWD CHEERS

CROWD CHEERS

The gorgeous Cherry Healey, ladies and gentlemen!

Oh, my god that was amazing!

That was the most amazing adrenaline rush ever.

It went really quickly, I was really enjoying it,

I kind of wish it had been a bit longer, but I did it!

Oh, God, and my nipple tassels are really coming off!

'Losing your virginity is about trying something new,

'and that always takes some nerve. But you know what?

'Hopefully your first time won't be the last time

'you'll need your sense of adventure.'

I didn't know I had it in me. Clearly I do.

I think I'm going to keep this outfit so that when I get home...

..watch out, Roly!

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