I Woke Up Gay

This programme contains some strong language

This is Chris Birch.

He's one of a kind.

After a freak accident, his life changed forever.

I used to be a 19-stone, beer-swilling rugby fan

from the valleys and then it all changed.

I was doing a forward roll down a grass banking one day

and cut off the blood supply to my brain,

which caused a stroke to happen, and it was from there

while I was recovering that I realised I'd changed.

The Chris I had knew had gone,

and a new Chris sort of came along.

I came to the realisation that the stroke had turned me gay.

But Chris has a problem -

no one believes his story.

-Is it possible for a stroke to turn someone gay?

-No.

Not even the love of his life.

I've still got the same opinion

that it was just something that was always there.

He's now on a quest to rediscover the person he used to be.

I can't think of their names.

They didn't have names. Numbers.

Notches.

If you had seen Chris in school, the way he was, the way he looked,

you would never in a million years have thought he was gay.

You're sat on my lap.

-And you're cuddling me.

-Yeah.

People have assumed, "Oh, it's just happening

"because it's just a natural thing."

If doctors and scientists of this world have got no idea

what's happened to me and you,

how can family and friends have any idea?

The stroke turned me gay.

Definitely. There's no other possibility.

Today, Chris Birch lives

in the small Welsh town of Ystrad Mynach.

He used to work in a bank, lived for sport

and was the life and soul of any party.

# Now and then I think of when we were together... #

Now he's a gay hairdresser

with a love for beauty therapies and rose wine.

You having it dry cut, or a cut and blow dry?

Cut and blow dry, I think.

-I think it's going to need it.

-No problem.

PHONE RINGS

Good afternoon, Jay's hair salon.

It's £28.

Chris' dramatic change began with a freak accident.

I rolled down that part of the hill

just down there between those two pillars,

and at first I thought

maybe I'd, like, just got really, really dizzy,

or maybe I twisted my neck or something like that,

and I didn't realise it was a lot more serious than that.

It's very...

simply done, I suppose.

This is the first time he's been back to the scene.

My life changed at the bottom of that hill.

Completely different at the top.

This is just...

It's just a little grass verge. It's nothing, it's pathetic.

But yet old Chris was stood at the top

and I ended up down there, you know?

I finished playing squash with my brother up by there

and his friend, and we were walking back down.

Decided to...well, I suggested,

"Let's do a forward roll down this hill."

We went down and they wouldn't do another one, but I did,

so they carried on walking a little bit.

And then I go down and this is what happens.

This is what I've got left.

If I hadn't done the second forward roll,

I would still be old Chris and not who I am now,

so...and I prefer who I am now.

Yeah.

Doctors will never know for certain what happened to Chris that day,

but it appears that the accident caused Chris to have a stroke.

Every five minutes, someone in the UK has one.

It's a brain attack.

They happen when the vital blood supply to the brain

is suddenly cut off.

Starved of oxygen, brain cells die.

Any part of the brain can be destroyed,

affecting any part of how we move, think or feel.

But of all those who suffer a stroke,

roughly a third will recover,

a third will be permanently disabled

or changed from the person they once were,

and a third will die.

Anyone surviving a stroke has a 40% chance of having another.

When I had the stroke,

my brain was starved of oxygen,

so this medicine stops me from having another one, really.

This is part of my life, this is more important than my keys,

my phone, my wallet, anything.

It's a matter of life or death, I suppose.

Every now and again it does get me down,

taking these tablets every morning, every afternoon and every night.

It's difficult because I can't raise my blood pressure too much,

so I can't go swimming, I couldn't play squash or anything like that,

something that I would normally do.

I can't go running for too long or anything like that.

Having to constantly be aware of things you have to do.

Every now and again I do think, "Enough is enough.

"I'm not going to take these tablets any more."

And then I maybe go for about six hours or something like that

without taking them, and then run back to them

because I can't... I'm too afraid, basically.

Over time, Chris has become aware of the physical changes to his body.

Especially when I'm tired,

you can see I have a droop in my left eye.

But for some reason I've decided to cover my right eye with my hair

to sort of disguise that.

I think it detracts attention away from this eye being drooped.

There are other parts that have drooped as well.

Like my nipple, and...

like, my one nipple is lower than the other, which is strange.

You're joking.

Honestly. Yeah.

It's just this one is slightly lower than the other. It's really...

It's pathetic and it's really stupid, and it's hardly...

it's probably not even noticeable to nearly enough everybody,

but the fact that you look at yourself in the mirror,

you notice when you change.

And I definitely noticed that change,

even though Jak calls me stupid

and says you can't notice it and things like that.

But you do wonder if he's saying that just to be kind, kind of thing.

-Are you willing to reveal your nipples to the nation?

-No. No.

They are like saucers.

No, it's fine.

HE LAUGHS

Thank you, anyway!

One of the most common complaints

from people who've suffered a stroke is memory loss.

Chris remembers almost nothing

that happened before he rolled down the bank of the playing field.

In an attempt to remember the man he used to be,

Chris has been putting together a memory box.

A lot of the things that happened before the stroke,

I basically can't remember at all,

and although you move on with your life and you just, you know,

there's nothing you can do to bring those memories back.

You know, nothing's going to sort that out.

The things that I can't remember or the things that help jog my memory,

things like that, stupid little things,

they're all in this box.

These are photos.

That one's of me when I was a child.

Here's one of me when I was...

I think I was either 16 or 17 there -

that was sort of the school prom, I suppose it's called.

This is from a trip that my dad and I took to the Isle of Man,

which meant a lot to me,

but that I can't remember any more.

It's a bit upsetting.

I wouldn't have those memories at all if it wasn't for this.

This jogs something there.

And...Old Chris liked motorbikes.

I don't really care any more.

So that's that.

And these are films that I've actually never had developed.

I have absolutely no idea what's on them. So...

old Chris is in here, sort of...

..locked away.

# Some way, baby, it's part of me apart from me... #

For Chris, these mysterious films may help him piece together

memories of his old self.

-Hiya.

-All right?

Wonder if I can get these developed?

Yeah, yeah, no problem at all.

For the first time since his stroke,

he's about to come face to face with the man he used to be.

# Not the needle or the thread

# The lost decree... #

Oh, I dunno when that was.

HE LAUGHS

Er...

I look awful in that photo.

I look half dead.

Oh, it's awful.

This is the first time I've seen myself looking like this.

-I most definitely would never have done that ever.

-Let's have a look.

Do you really want to see that?

Oh, it's awful.

Absolutely awful.

It definitely sums old Chris up.

Yeah.

My God, I look chavvy.

God, it's awful.

I definitely wouldn't have half these photos taken now.

These kind of things would be binned now, you know?

It's like looking at someone else, you know?

But with my face.

Only younger.

And in all fairness, if I met myself,

I would probably carry on walking.

You know?

I'm trying to dispel these rumours that I was always gay.

There's very little here

that I look at here and I remember.

I couldn't imagine being that same person.

This is weird.

Very strange.

Though Chris' rebooted personality

has cost him many close relationships,

there's one photo that reminds him of the greatest loss of all.

Looking at these, it would be nice

if my mother played more of a role in my life...

..now.

Because I seem very happy then,

and she's in the photos where I am happy, so...

Hmm.

In the months following Chris' accident,

it was Chris' mum who first noticed the changes to his personality.

She pushed for a full medical investigation,

ultimately suggesting to Chris that it was a stroke

that caused the changes he was experiencing.

When I was ill, my mother was great.

In all fairness, she was really close to me

and she was taking me back and forth to the doctor's,

and she took me back and forth to the neurologist, which was great.

She turned into the very motherly role.

She was very protective and took me to doctor's appointments.

Today Chris still has regular brain scans,

to make sure all is well.

But while his mum once took him to hospital appointments,

today he goes alone.

Have you ever tried to rebuild your relationship?

I think we did once...

..but I don't think that went anywhere.

# I wish I had one last try

# Hidden somewhere inside

# But it's all been spent before... #

Over recent weeks, there have been times

when Chris and his mum have stopped talking altogether.

It's difficult even for me to come to terms with

the person I am now and the changes that have happened,

and I think for somebody who's known me for so long,

and known me so closely,

to realise that someone can change as much as they have,

I think that's got to be quite a difficult experience for anybody.

Especially for a mother and her child.

I think that's quite a unique bond

that when it's moved, altered, changed, taken away,

I think there's a bereavement,

there's something that goes on there.

# Is this the end of the thread?

# The thread that led me to lose my head... #

You can love someone, you don't have to like them.

So it could just be the case that...

she loves me but she just doesn't like me,

she can't stand the sight of my face.

That's entirely possible,

and I have the same feeling towards other people,

so I couldn't blame her, I suppose.

# You and me

# Will be the same... #

The next morning, Chris decides to write to his mum.

'Dear Mam,

'I'm writing to you because it's easier than texting or phoning.

'I've been thinking lately about how our relationship has changed,

'and we've drifted apart since my stroke.

'I know I haven't always been the perfect son,

'and there are things that I've done that I look back on and feel guilty about.

'I know I can't change the past,

'but I'd like it if you'd be more of a part of my future.

'Maybe we could have a chat about this and try and move on, sometime.

'Love, Chris.'

Yeah it's quite difficult to write this letter.

It's been a bit, erm...

I suppose it's been a long time coming, really.

It's needed to be done.

I guess I'd be happy, the result of this letter being

just the occasional text, I suppose.

I'd be happy with that.

Not too much. >

No, not too much at all.

The little things in life mean the most.

That's it.

Better send it.

Going from before the stroke, liking girls,

to having a stroke and waking up liking boys,

that was a weird experience.

It's just strange, in a sense, that you walk in to somewhere

and all of a sudden you go from liking that girl to liking that boy.

And the first time it happened, it was a really odd sensation.

Thinking, "I never had these feelings before,

"and how do I deal with these feelings?"

It was quite a scary process.

I think after being with the first person,

or being with the first guy, it was a very odd experience

and it was a bit like, fumble.

I didn't know what I was doing.

It's very... It's kind of a new thing.

For Chris, living in a traditional south Wales community,

it was a confusing period that left him feeling isolated.

It was sort of a lonely time,

it was a time where I was afraid to tell anybody

because that wasn't who I used to be

so it shouldn't be who I am now.

And you're afraid to tell people,

you're afraid to have that conversation

and you're afraid to even talk about the possibility

that I've changed in some way.

Erm, and I suppose I dealt with it

by moving out of my, sort of, my family home,

moving out by myself and having to realise who I was all over again.

While personality changes in people after strokes are rare,

there are no recorded cases

of a stroke turning a straight man gay.

Chris has embraced his new gay life and is now happily living

with his fiance, Jak, in the flat above the salon.

It's domestic bliss in the heart of the Welsh Valleys.

-Who normally does the domestic chores?

-Me, Definitely me. Isn't it?

-I don't even know how to switch an iron on.

-No.

We now know, like,

Jak knows how to do the washing machine.

We've figured that much out, but, yeah, not much else.

JAK LAUGHS

Jak's really good at baking cakes and things like that.

He's big into that, which is good.

So, it just means you end up putting on loads of weight.

I cook out of boredom, not out of hunger, though.

THEY LAUGH

But not everything is rosy.

Chris's straight to gay story

has given him a bit of a problem. No one believes it.

Not even Jak.

It sounds like something

someone who always knew they were gay would go through.

He's just going through it at a later stage in life, really.

And it would be weird to like...

to like women before,

but then I suppose a lot of gay men like women,

and a lot of gay men are married with kids,

and then they find out they're gay.

So it's like, I compare his situation to a lot of more normal, heard-of situations.

Here, if I type my name in on Google,

and the first two hits that come up

are "Chris Birch rugby" and "Chris Birch gay."

And the third one that normally comes up is "Chris Birch stroke."

When the story broke, it went viral, triggering a media frenzy.

And it wasn't just Jak that had serious doubts about Chris's story.

If I had read it, I wouldn't have believed it, but here I am.

This guy is one of the few people

who's actually touched a nerve with me, and has actually annoyed me.

Odds are, and the odds are pretty high,

'he was genetically gay before the stroke.'

With his blase sort of, erm,

upper class sounding accent, you know,

and the fact that he's read some little article

in some newspaper somewhere, and thinks he has an opinion on it, you know.

Nice try, but the truth is,

you were always gay.

If you understand,

I know this is true, but then, because everybody else doubts it,

I start to doubt it, and then I sort of

worry, then, that I've always had these feelings

and maybe I just never knew them before, or something like that.

Openly ridiculed wherever his story was discussed,

Chris soon found himself doubted and mistrusted

by those he'd once been closest to.

After I had the stroke,

everybody was very supportive, during the recovery process.

It was just afterwards when I realised that I was completely different

that everybody else around me started to become more distant.

The things that held us together before aren't there any more.

We have nothing in common, we have nothing to talk about.

It's difficult to talk to people about it

because they don't know what's going on inside,

they don't know how you feel.

Yeah, it's a bit of a lonely sort of moment, really.

I didn't enjoy that part of my life when I realised I was somebody else,

or where I'd had a lot of personality changes and things like that.

Erm, yeah. I felt quite alone at that moment in time.

Can I have a single to Bargoed, please?

Although Chris has lost touch with almost all of

the wide circle of friends he used to have,

there's one school friend who's stood by him.

One who can help him remember what he was really like before.

-Hello!

-How are you?

-How are you?

-I'm all right. You?

Terri is, perhaps, the only person who can tell Chris

how much he's really changed.

So would you say I'm a different person, personality wise?

-No.

-No?

-No.

-You're still the same person to me.

-Yeah?

Yeah. You're the same Chris as you was in school as you are now.

Well, that's good to know.

The only thing that has changed is obviously

your looks and your sexuality, that's it.

Would you say my voice has sort of changed?

Like, gone softer or anything like that?

Yeah, it has. You sound, I don't mean...

You sound a bit more feminine.

-THEY LAUGH That's nuts.

-There's nothing wrong with it, though.

OK, that's all right. I won't change that, then.

-No, don't change that.

-I can't do anything about it, anyway!

-No.

If you had seen Chris in school the way he was, the way he looked,

you would never in a million years thought he was gay.

Never.

If you had stood him up with nine other boys

and had to point out who you thought would be the least gay,

-it would be Chris.

-Fab.

-There's loads of things from school that I can't really remember.

-Yeah.

So I can't really tell you...

-You know, I can't really tell 100% how different I was.

-Yeah.

-So it's nice to know that you...

-Just that reassurance.

-Yeah.

Pop your head down a bit for me.

-There's that little edge there...

-Right, OK, we'll do that little edge.

-And straighten it up after?

-If you don't mind? That'd be lovely, please.

While Chris was once only interested in beer, rugby and girls,

his new found interest in appearance has not only provided him with a job,

it's also provided him with a new circle of friends -

almost a family.

The best reaction was, "Gay or straight, it's no excuse for a stupid haircut."

-I still love that one.

-Yes.

-That's still my favourite.

"Don't care what sexuality you are, your hair's stupid."

ALL LAUGH

As well as being good mates,

there's nothing they like more than partying together too.

Oh, this is nice.

Wow. Fab!

-Gays!

-Gays, we love the gays!

ALL CHEER

The girls in the salon are like my surrogate mothers in a way.

OK, everybody, are we ready to go?

ALL CHEER

One in particular, I suppose she's more like my sister than my mother

and they were there to sort of protect me and support me in one way,

which I'm really grateful for, in all fairness.

Woo!

-How's the extensions?

-They're glued in quite well.

They're glued in well, I can tell you!

It should be at this point that I say that I'm not a big fan of water.

Not a big fan.

And we're in the sea...

..in a dingy...

in a 60 mile-an-hour dingy!

I can't say I miss my old life because I really like this life.

I love what I'm doing now.

I don't know, I can't say I'm a passionate hairdresser, I'm not that gay,

but I like the...

Sorry that's probably really offensive but I don't care.

I can say poof and gay and queer and everything like that because that's what I am.

The girls in the salon, who are wonderful with me, I have to be fair...

And even though I probably don't do anything while I'm there,

they still keep me there.

It's great, I love them. Mwah!

Not prepared to believe that Chris is unique to medical science,

Jak is now more convinced than ever that Chris was always gay,

even if Chris himself didn't realise it.

I've still got the same opinion that it was just something that was always there.

No matter if, you know, a stroke brought out a brand-new thing in you

or if it just brought something out in you that was always there.

It was something that was always there that hadn't switched on before.

You've got to agree with that.

Yeah but people grow up not knowing they're gay and they have families and then they realise they're gay.

But they don't have a stroke or anything to realise.

They, at some point, though, suddenly realised,

so maybe the stroke just made me suddenly realise.

So the stroke turned me gay.

-Helped you find out that you were gay.

-But I didn't know before.

-Anyway!

-BOTH LAUGH

There's no winning an argument with him.

This is never going to be me saying what I think

-because he will always be right.

-Yeah.

-So do you think something just naturally switched on with you?

-Yeah.

And I think eventually if you hadn't had a stroke, it would have happened to you as well.

So the stroke brought it on sooner, that's what you think?

-Yeah.

-So the stroke turned me gay, then.

-But it didn't, though.

We're never going to reach an agreement here, I don't think.

But it's fine, it's something to talk about. For the rest of our lives.

But Chris might have an opportunity to end the argument once and for all.

His extraordinary story has attracted national attention,

and Chris has been invited to undergo tests with a leading expert in sexual orientation.

Dr Qazi Rahman of Queen Mary University of London

has tested hundreds of gay, lesbian and straight volunteers

and detected patterns that tell him if a person was born gay or straight,

regardless of the lifestyle they currently live.

We're in London and we're about to get started doing some tests.

Feel a bit like a guinea pig, to be honest.

All the scientists seem to love my story

and they get really excited over it, for some stupid reason.

So, yeah, we're going to do these tests now and...

yeah, I'm a little bit nervous, if I'm honest.

But hopefully it should clear a few things up, I'm hoping.

Hello, Chris. How do you do?

Hi, Jak, nice to meet you.

Well, the work I do is regarding

studying the biological basis of what makes people gay or straight.

And what this research shows us is that the brains of gay men

-are perhaps organised in a different way or work in a different way.

-OK.

And we think that that might be because of biological factors such as genes,

and hormonal factors that operate early in life, perhaps even before birth.

Though controversial,

some scientists think that our genes and hormones may determine sexuality before birth,

and personality traits too. These traits can be tested.

And this means Dr Rahman is then able to work out whether or not

a person was truly born gay.

I think he would be upset if he did the tests

and the results came out that he was gay before he had the stroke.

I think he's based his whole life on everything that he thinks has happened

so it would be like almost starting from scratch again,

like he wasn't actually straight before, and it's a whole new hurdle he's got to get over.

It would be quite hard for him, I think.

So how was that, Chris?

-It wasn't too bad, it was fine.

-Good. Good.

-All right?

So the tests you performed were tests of how gay your brain is.

So on half of these tests,

you do perform in the expected direction for a gay man,

but for half, you don't. You perform within the range of a straight man.

So does that mean that these tests, to put it in my terms,

does that mean the stroke could have caused me to be gay?

-I would put my bets on no for now.

-OK.

-But the evidence says it's possible.

-Yes.

But you say no.

The bulk of the evidence, in the biological sciences,

the genetics, in psychology and neuroscience,

suggest that sexuality is something that you're born with

and it develops later on through life.

And yet I'm standing here.

Sometimes it takes something like a neurological insult,

which is what a stroke is,

to make you reassess those feelings perhaps that are lying dormant

and bring them into the front of your mind.

And it's possible that that's what's happened with you.

If it lays dormant in his brain, is there ever a possibility,

if he was to have another stroke again, and things changed his brain,

that he could go back to what he thought was straight? With it dormant again.

The short answer to that is we don't know.

The evidence to date suggests that if you develop, if you like,

or release a psychological trait after a stroke,

you don't really go back.

There's always the fear in the back of your mind that it could go back and then...

-But I suppose if the science is saying otherwise, you're safe for now.

-Yeah.

'It's really, to be honest, really irritating.'

In all fairness, I've had to deal with, "I don't believe you, this can't happen,"

and doctors saying things like, "Well, we can't tell you for definite," and all this shit.

Which, OK, you're entitled to your opinion,

but, at the end of the day, I've got to live with this, not you.

To be honest, it fucks me off.

Chris is convinced the stroke has changed him in all sorts of ways.

Old Chris had no interest in his appearance,

but new Chris is keen to correct any imperfections.

He visits Jo for regular doses of botox.

OK, then, here we go. A little bit of a sharp scratch coming in.

Fantastic.

I think if my ex-girlfriends could see this now, they would be laughing.

Do you keep in touch with any of them? Do you see them around?

-No.

-No? You haven't spoken to them to see what they think...

-how you've changed?

-No.

-Not purposely.

-Yeah, you just haven't bumped into them.

Because it would be quite interesting to see how they see the change,

because obviously you see it from a very personal point of view,

but they may see it more objectively.

They knew the old Chris, obviously knew the old Chris quite well.

That's a good point.

I'll have to get in touch. SHE LAUGHS

When I went to see Jo, who did my botox for me the other day,

she said about ex-girlfriends and things like that and, "Have I been in touch with them?"

And I realised that I haven't been in touch with any of them since the stroke.

So I'm going to make a list of the girls who I went out with in the past

and see if I can get in touch with them, really.

I'm hoping these girls will be able to say

that I definitely fancied them and it was definitely genuine

and it wasn't some sort of cover story or anything like that.

It's trouble remembering, that's the problem.

There's drink involved, then all of a sudden everything gets forgotten, doesn't it?

I think there might be two broken hearts on here

and I think the rest were just glad to get rid of me.

I would be!

Awful. The old Chris was an awful boyfriend, terrible.

Just kind of loving them and leaving them kind of thing.

The way it's going, it's not looking good.

Bit of a player. Yeah.

I don't like it.

There was a girl - my friend and I went on holiday to Magaluf -

and there was a girl there and I can't remember her name.

She's probably going to see me.

She doesn't live round here so it's fine.

There was a girl in the rugby club down here,

and I can't think of her name to save my life.

And then we used to go to a club in Blackwood

and there were quite a few there

and I can't remember any of their names.

I can't think of their names!

They didn't have names. They were numbers, notches.

No, that's awful, don't say that.

Chris' memories of life before the stroke are patchy at best,

but he's thought of a way to track down an old flame -

a clue he remembered spotting in the photographs from his memory box.

These are the photos that I found in my memory box that we got developed.

I'm looking for an ex-girlfriend

who I think went on this trip with me.

I'm hoping so, anyway.

And if she is, I'm looking to see if I can get in touch with her.

Ah. Right, this is her.

Yeah, we were at a film studios in California...

..stood next to cardboard cut-outs.

I can't remember if we were going out, actually, I don't really know.

Might be nice to find out, actually.

I think now knowing that she was on this trip -

because it's jogging a few memories just looking through these photos -

I think it would be best if maybe I get in touch with her

and see if she can shed a bit more light on these things.

The main one being to make sure that I was definitely straight before.

Who better to tell me that?

Using social network sites,

he finds it easy to track down the girl in the photograph.

What should I write? You're a girl.

Ah.

I have found her.

I'm sort of struggling as to what to say, though.

I can't remember on what terms we left on.

So... Because obviously an ex is an ex for a reason, so...

I'm hoping if she does agree to meet me,

it's not just to quickly give me a slap in the face or anything.

That wouldn't be so good.

With his message now sent, all Chris can do is wait.

In spite of medical opinion,

the views of his partner Jak, and much of the world's press,

Chris alone is convinced that the stroke turned him gay.

Quietly, he's continued his detective work

and has found the one person who might be able to help.

Oh, hello. Chris? Hi.

Cardiff-based consultant neuropsychiatrist Dr Sudad Jawad

has worked with hundreds of young people who've had strokes.

If anyone knows the impact a stroke can have, it's Dr Jawad.

Can you tell me a bit more about the patients you've treated in the past?

Some people who have a stroke in early life,

you find there's a dramatic change in their personality.

Have you found that with a lot of people?

Yes, you find that a lot.

People do change. People sometimes change the way they behave, they think.

So have you ever encountered someone whose sexual orientation has changed after a stroke?

Yes, I have come across a gentleman whom you see...

his sexual orientation has dramatically changed

following a stroke, from homosexual to heterosexual.

So I've come across this case, for example.

That person noticed that gradually

and stated openly that he found himself now different.

So, yes, we come across unusual cases.

So, in your experience,

do you believe that a stroke can change your sexual orientation?

I think it's possible, yes.

Just like a stroke can change you as a person, your behaviour,

your personality, the way you think,

why not sexual orientation?

-It's part of the personality of the individual, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-It's all linked together.

-Right.

I mean, people's behaviour, the way they think,

the way they feel, the way they act, the way they behave in society,

-we call it personality.

-Mmm-hmm.

That changes following a head injury, following a stroke.

So why not sexual orientation? It could change as well, you know?

That's absolutely amazing.

That's very reassuring to know from my point of view.

That's great.

-I don't know what else to say to that. Dr Jawad, I really appreciate you seeing me.

-My pleasure.

Thank you so much. I've learned so much today. I really appreciate it.

I wish you the best of luck. Look after yourself. Goodbye.

I feel so relieved now.

I've met a doctor who's treated someone who had a stroke

and it changed his sexuality.

It's a real weight off my shoulders now.

Chris has had a reply to his e-mail.

It turns out his old flame Lynsey is now married and still living nearby.

She's agreed to meet in the local pub.

-Hello, how are you?

-Nice to see you. God, you look different.

-I know. Thanks!

-So do you.

-I don't know.

-Come sit down.

Thanks so much for coming.

I really appreciate it because I've got these photos to show you,

and it would be great to just go through it with somebody else.

-Yeah.

-So you can have a look at them as well. There's... There you are.

-There's me.

-Yeah. That's where I found you, right next to Tom Hanks.

I remember the Apollo 13 picture.

-I don't know why we had to have a picture next to that one.

-No.

-Just a really random photo.

-I can't believe what I'm wearing and what you're wearing!

-What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

-The state of us both!

-Speak for yourself there.

-Proper '90s.

My memory of this has been absolutely rubbish.

Do you not remember being there?

No. It is like looking at somebody else

and getting the occasional memory from somebody else.

Well, I brought a photo to show you as well of when we were younger,

when we were in that play.

-I remember how close we were then.

-Yeah. I only did that

-because I fancied you at the time.

-Yes.

-It's very strange.

These are the stories you tell, anyway.

I don't know, I just remember that photo distinctly.

-You talked me into that.

-I did talk you into it but it was nice, though, it was nice times that we spent.

-I enjoyed that.

-Obviously, that's us in the corner there.

-In a nice little cuddle there.

-What was your memory of me there?

Because my memory is completely gone about who I used to be.

I don't... I would never have openly said that I thought you were gay.

But... But the Chris now, here, I would obviously say is gay.

It's difficult looking back because, you know,

it is difficult to compare the two people in my mind who seem different.

It is nice for someone like you, who knew me before the stroke,

to actually say, "No, I never thought you were gay."

That is really reassuring.

I don't know, people can't judge, they don't know you.

-They didn't know you before and they don't know you now.

-But you knew me.

-Obviously.

-Well, yeah.

-So that's good.

-There's me.

-I was right there with you.

-Couldn't have got much closer.

-That is very true. That's a very close picture.

-Yeah.

-You were sat on my lap.

-And you were cuddling me.

-Yeah.

BOTH: Aw.

BOTH LAUGH

It's not unusual for stroke sufferers to lose touch with people who were once close to them.

When blood doesn't get oxygen to the brain, parts of it can die,

leaving the brain to make new connections.

Sometimes those new connections result in extraordinary transformations -

transformations that friends and family often find hard to cope with.

Chris has been doing his research

and has come across the story of Tommy McHugh from Liverpool -

a man, who, like Chris, had his personality changed for ever by a stroke.

Chris wants to know how his friends and family coped with the changes he experienced.

-Hello, Chris, come in. How are you doing?

-I'm all right.

-Thanks coming down here.

-It's great. Thanks for having me.

It's really brave and strong of you to come down here

-and speak with us about what's going on with you.

-This is great.

-It's a bit of my Cuckoo's Nest madhouse, Chris.

-TOMMY LAUGHS

The stroke caused you to start painting?

Everything, Chris. It started me painting, talking in rhyme,

writing rhyme - just creating art.

I never had talent before, I didn't have any artistic talent.

I was a builder, and stuff like that. I never knew art.

At times, I wish this had happened to me when I was 14 years of age.

I could have been an artist all my life or creative.

It was a whole new world for me.

I lost family, friends, wife, and everything when this happened to me,

because I changed so quickly. As you know, it's an alien change.

You kind of live isolated and alone with what's gone on with you

because there's not many people that can understand the dramatic changes

that happen to anyone who's had a stroke.

It's so, so weird and alien.

You look at... I was looking at these tattoos.

I couldn't remember putting them on.

Seeing them, and thinking, "Who the hell put these on?"

You are looking at them all and you're thinking...

I looked in the mirror and I went, "Who are you?"

They call me Tommy, and I'm going, "But I don't recognise him." Like you.

-Things were different.

-Yeah.

-Emotions were different.

Come up and let me show you some of the stuff I've painted up here.

I painted everywhere, you know.

Even under all these pictures, there are all kinds of other images.

-You've painted on top of them again?

-Yeah. Over and over.

Some of the paintings I've painted over and over again.

I even painted some of these with nail varnish and stuff, and everything.

Like... Even clay heads.

Writing in rhyme, drawing little figures,

and sculpting and painting, it seemed endless,

all the different things that were coming out the brain.

It was like just one cell had been locked.

-You must have experienced it yourself?

-Yeah.

-The changes.

-Yeah, definitely.

-Even then, I couldn't get anyone to believe me, Chris.

It was total shock.

Have you had that just with friends or with family as well?

No, it was friends and family, they kind of doubted me,

-they doubted all this was coming from me.

-I had the same.

Well, that's what I was going to ask you about. How is it like for you?

It has been quite difficult because people have assumed,

"Oh, it's just happening because it's just a natural thing.

"As you're growing up, you change," but it's not.

It happened from a single point in time.

All of a sudden, it just explodes from there

-and you become a different person from there.

-That's exactly how it was for me.

And you obviously have been going through what I've been going through.

It's taken nearly 11 years for people to understand that I'm not kidding them.

All my family and friends now know I'm not kidding them.

But the problem is, they stayed away from me for so long and misjudged me for so long,

that they're more than likely too scared to come and see me again now that they know it's true.

My identity has changed, like yours has.

These people have got no idea of what's happened inside the brain.

If doctors and scientists of this world have got no idea what's happened to me and you,

how can family and friends have any idea?

Why should they prejudge us?

It's absolutely brilliant to meet you, I've got to be fair.

Because you were saying things that I've been thinking and you've already been there,

you've already had to put up with the problems with having to face people

and people not believing you, and things like that.

It's nice to know that it's not just someone like me,

it's not just me who is not being believed.

-I don't just feel alone in a way, if you know what I mean.

-Exactly.

Chris, come here, kid.

That is the beauty of it all, mate. It really is. I'm so proud of you.

I really am. Stay strong, Chris. Always stay strong.

Don't be negative about anything.

Today I met Tommy McHugh. Absolutely amazing guy.

I learned shedloads from being with him today.

Because he had a stroke, and it's changed him, years before me,

and he's just learned far, far more than I could have ever hoped.

He's told me things that... Like his family became more distant with him,

same with me, his friends, same with me,

he developed a completely different personality, same with me.

I feel like we're kindred spirits, in a sort of strange way.

I think the main thing I'm going to take away from meeting Tommy

is no matter what happens, I am who I am,

and I should be proud of that.

So after meeting Tommy today, I really don't care about what anybody else thinks

because Tommy is happy, I'm happy...

..and that's just the way it's going to stay.

For the first time since the accident,

Chris is looking to the future.

There's rings up there as well. That one on the right is quite nice.

See the furthest right at the top? That one's quite nice.

I like that. We could go in and have a look if you wanted to.

Shall we go in?

-Hiya.

-Hello.

-Could we look at some men's rings, please?

-Yes.

-Some silver rings?

-That would be great, yes, please.

I proposed to Jak, didn't I? And...

Oh, that fits really well.

And I bought him an engagement ring

but he's never bought me an engagement ring.

I'll end up buying myself one.

I said, "Would you like to get married one day?"

I think it was something like that, wasn't it?

It wasn't, "Will you marry me?" or anything like that.

-Nothing so romantic! I'm not very romantic anyway, am I?

-No.

Thought not.

Back at home, Chris is preparing to leave old Chris behind.

I'm putting old Chris into...

into a photo album.

It's like a book of the person I used to be.

These photos represent who I used to be,

and there's a lot of memories I haven't got any more,

and I've got a book of memories now, which is great.

I'd hoped the relationship I have with my mother would get better.

It may do, but I think it takes time.

Maybe she needs more time.

Maybe, in some way, I need more time.

In the meantime, I suppose I'm happy the way I am.

You know? Just carry on with life.

When I look at these photos, I don't...

I think anybody looking at these would agree

there isn't a gay person here, not by these.

I...

Definitely not.

I'm convinced more than ever, looking at these photos,

that the stroke did turn me gay,

because there's no way I was gay before.

I have photos as proof and I have friends as proof.

And now I have memories as proof.

This is where old Chris lives now.

I'm a totally different person than who was in here.

I'm happier now than I ever have been.

Why would I want to change?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd