Taxi Tales

THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE

Does that mean I'll be on camera now?

-You know what men are like.

-They're so backward.

-That's it.

If you're going to do this job for money, you'd be in trouble.

-You like sex, yeah?

-Oh, doesn't everybody?

I just think it's the best job ever. I love it.

Daddy's home. HE SNORES

# But don't even care. #

Six-three.

-'Six-three.'

-She phoned her. She said she's standing at the top

-of Callendar Street.

-'On the corner?' Could you put me in that job?

Direct me in it?

It's brilliant, meeting new people every day.

See, at this game, you don't know who's going to get into your car,

what their attitude is going to be,

whether they're going to be happy, whether they are going to be grumpy,

or they're just going to sit and say nothing.

So sorry to keep you waiting there. That woman in there...

probably the longest I've had to deal with somebody to get money out.

-Serious?

-Pain in the arse.

-Need to chill out.

-I know.

-RADIO MESSAGE

-Roger, she's just come in. The bank held her up,

or she was holding the bank up, I don't know which one.

LAUGHTER

I enjoy meeting people, like, it's...

I think if you ask any taxi driver, particularly in Belfast,

they'll tell you they are ambassadors for Belfast.

Being a taxi driver or being a tour guide, also gives me

a chance to actually tell the stories I feel are important to people,

that people should know about Belfast, about Northern Ireland.

So they can tell other people and say what a beautiful city,

a brilliant city this is. That they should come and visit us.

I'll tell you something. You see these pigeons to my right here?

See the pigeons? Those are Catholic pigeons.

LAUGHTER

They're not allowed round the Protestant side.

LAUGHTER

-We love everybody except ourselves.

-Exactly. That's what's wrong with us.

Somebody always asks me, how did the Troubles begin?

I say, they hate us and we hate them even more.

Do you know what, my mummy... My mummy was a historian...lecturer in Queen's.

-Very good.

-God love her, she's passed away now.

But she used to always tell me, she said, "You know what?

"The Irish are lovely people to everybody else but themselves."

-What part are you from?

-We're from Rome.

-Oh, lovely.

Are you travelling around or...?

No, we just came here when we were 18 for a youth exchange.

-Do you live here now?

-Yes, yes, we stayed here since.

I must say, I have been scared a few times,

especially at the very first few years,

but it has radically changed.

-People have always been very nice.

-People are friendly.

-That was one of the reasons why we sort of decided...

-To come here?

-We felt quite at home quite quickly.

-That's brilliant. That is exactly what we want.

-Easy to settle in.

I enjoy doing what I'm doing because I enjoy the craic.

I enjoy getting in people in here. Good banter as well.

Some people just take taxis because they like chatting to people.

That's maybe the only time they get chatting to people.

They take taxis and think, all you taxi drivers are best,

because you talked to them all the way up there

and this woman might be the only person I talked to that day.

Do you remember what you were like at 18?

-When I was 18, I moved to Gran Canaria for five years.

-Seriously?

-Yes.

-What did you do in Gran Canaria?

-I was a waitress.

-Very good.

See, my daddy died.

My daddy got killed on 1st September and I was 18 on the 22nd.

So I went a wee bit... as you do, I went a wee bit doolally.

And then decided I didn't like Ireland any more.

-I'll tell you who my daddy was.

-Who?

You know that prison officer who got killed there, the other month?

David Black. That wasn't my daddy. My daddy was the one before that.

-Prison officer before him?

-Aye, Jim Peacock.

-Seriously?

-Yes, so that was 18 years ago.

-That's terrible.

-I know.

But anyway, my daddy had left me money, and I gifted my mummy, because I was 18.

I had just turned 18 just after my daddy died,

so I gave it to my mummy, and then when she died, God love her,

she give it back to me again. Plus interest, loads, so...

-You give your money to your kids anyway, you know.

-Exactly.

RADIO: ..has now been cleared.

Traffic is still very busy approaching Nelson Street.

So it'll cost you £10 for the pleasure of my company, OK?

Do you know what? For the pleasure of your company,

I'll give you more than £10.

Everyone's welcome to Belfast.

Even though people haven't decided that's how it's going

to be, you know, if they need to get something

off their chest, sure, a taxi driver is a great person to do it with.

See, if it's somebody that looks interested.

Because that's how you get the best out of people - tell them

a little bit about you, they tell you a little bit about them

and the next thing, you've got relationship.

Just a short-term relationship, you know.

Maybe just the length of the journey, but, sure, that's great.

Hiya, how are you doing?

And your boyfriend still lives in England, then?

Yes, well, you see, he's from there.

So how does that work out for you?

Yes, we see each other every couple of weeks.

We're always flying back and forth. I'm trying to get him to move over here.

Would you not maybe...would you be interested in going to live there?

He hasn't asked me. Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to...

Yeah, you've asked him.

I'm not going to force myself on him.

"Please can I come and live with you?"

-Exactly, you know.

-You know what men are like.

-You know, that's it.

-Did you just arrive yesterday?

-No, Monday.

-You been before?

Not Northern Ireland, no. We are usually in Southern Ireland.

-First time over here.

-Right. What do you think of it?

-I love it.

-LAUGHTER

-You've obviously had a good couple of nights, then.

-How long are youse going together?

-Three years.

And so if he decided to come over here...

-I'd have to think about it.

-Yes, I'll tell you in five minutes.

-No point being too keen.

-Would you? If he said, would you?

I probably would, yeah. I just have to...

-I bet you've thought it?

-No, because I'm a big commitment-phobe.

We were supposed to have a quiet one yesterday,

-and ended up getting in at six this morning.

-What had happened?

How did that happen?

He left me at 9pm in the bar in the Premier Inn

-so I just thought I'll have one more beer.

-Where did you end up?

I don't know. It was a club.

Did you meet any nice girls when you were at the club?

No comment.

-Or boys? I don't know.

-Definitely not boys.

-OK.

-So it was a girl that led you astray?

-Yes.

Thing is, she wasn't even that bad. Usually they are munters.

They can smell desperation.

Yes, if you act truly desperate, they run away.

-But if you're more aloof, sort of, "Whatever, mate."

-Exactly.

-So did you, you know, get off with her, then?

-I can't say on camera.

-You probably already know.

-Of course we do.

I got my call at seven this morning, "Where am I?

"I don't know where I am there. I'm walking home."

-You maybe met the love of your life last night.

-I seriously doubt that.

-Can you remember what she was like?

-Yes, she was nice.

-Oh, good.

-Did you get her number?

-No.

-Don't do numbers, do you?

Whenever I was single, I wouldn't take phone numbers.

They used to go, "Do you want my number?" and I'd go,

"No, I don't take phone numbers. You can have mine, but..."

That's the way to do it.

Why buy a book when there is a big library out there?

That's the way, isn't it?

Could you send a job out and job assist for me?

Belfast, at the moment, I would class as a taxi society.

I think taxis evolved in the city through the Troubles.

Taxi companies developed to take people different places

because of the fear factor, I think, as well.

People got to the stage that they were relying on them.

If you're going to cross the city during the troubled period,

people had to get a taxi because

there was no transportation, no buses.

But me, I enjoy what I do and what I'm doing

and how you can get to interact with the sort of community.

I don't think of it, like, to be sitting, waiting on a job,

going to pick up somebody I've never met before all the time.

-Good morning.

-Morning, how's things?

-Not too bad, yourself?

-RADIO:

-'Traffic and travel now with Michael.'

'Yes, we've just heard from Angie, there, still some ice and...'

Lot of traffic building up again.

You know yourself, you see that, we've got our main and only one,

-and we can't go on there.

-Yeah. It's just like everything shuts down.

Everybody and their dog goes out and drives, cos they're...

-I don't know, starting to get back.

-Yeah.

Same for everything.

-Like all our the rest of us, it's all about survival.

-Exactly.

See, the likes of you, you're all right,

people have always had bad taste. They'll have to go to you.

I've been doing tours that long that you learn it from everybody else.

You learn wee snippets of everybody, and just join it all up.

And as long as you're telling the truth, that's all, you know,

the truth is...sometimes the truth is hard to hear for some people.

But it is the truth, everything I say is the truth about.

Or the truth as far as I'm concerned.

Have you been to Belfast before? How about you?

-No, we haven't, first time.

-Great.

-You see this big white building on the right?

-OK.

-That's my house.

-Ha-ha.

-Or it will be my house when the revolution comes.

Where we're going now, right, we're going up into West Belfast.

So West Belfast is, well, was a pretty rough area, both

a Protestant, Catholic side, West Belfast,

that's where the trouble was.

It was so rough that when you went down the pub in West Belfast,

-they used to search you.

-Right.

They'd literally search you in the pub.

If you didn't have a gun, they used to give you one.

-I'm joking, I'm joking.

-I know you are.

So this is what the wall looks like.

I'm going to give you a chance to write your own message on the wall.

My favourite message is actually Australian, it says,

"Can't work you guys out.

"Stop this shit and have a beer, the game's over, boys." The most unusual

message I've seen was Canadian, it said,

"You think you've got problems?

"Those dumb Americans steal our fish."

But most people just write their name, where they're from.

This job is such a great leveller. I meet people from all walks of life.

And they get into my car and they're exactly the same,

from the celebrity to the wee person who's no money.

They come in differently, they're in the car the same, and I love that.

I've always been very interested in the psychology of people anyway,

you know, what makes people tick. So that's why I ask a lot of questions.

When you look at somebody for the first time,

you do make a little analyty of them, anyway.

And then it's interesting to chat to them

and see if that's really how they are. Do you know what?

You can really judge a book by the cover, sometimes,

be completely floored by how different they really are.

And that fascinates me, too.

I actually love this town.

-To see this town that I'm in.

-In this town, there's definitely...

-The city just cracked me.

-Aye.

Belfast is such a better place than Derry. It really is.

-Hello there.

-Hi. How are you?

-Fine, thank you, and yourself?

-Good, thanks.

-That's good.

-Are you going to the Titanic Quarter?

-We are, actually.

-You'll enjoy it, everybody loves it.

-And did you get into the Crown bar opposite the Europa?

-We looked at it.

We looked at it, we were dying to go in, because there were

-two little, cheeky lads getting onto him coming up the street.

-Were they?

-What were they doing?

-Anyway, they were talking rude to him, you know.

-Were they?

-Two little bits, I think they were only, 11 and 12, I'd say.

-The cheek of them!

-Yeah!

-Asked me if I was looking for any services.

THEY LAUGH

Derry's too small.

Belfast a small in itself, but it's got its own wee thing.

There's stacks of clubs and restaurants and cafes and all.

You wouldn't even have to go to the same place two nights in a row,

you know what I mean? If you wanted to avoid something.

There's something about it, I always say, "You're in Belfast?!

"And you're going to bed early? Are you serious?

"You're in Belfast, like, I come down here for a good time, like."

-RADIO:

-'Windy, though, with highs of five or six degrees.

-'The dry theme continues through the evening...'

-And this is you?

-See this lovely building?

-Wow. Look at that. Oh, that's beautiful.

I love living in Belfast now. 20 years ago, I was ashamed of it.

-Look at that, that's beautiful.

-You got to enjoy it.

20 years ago, or ten years ago, we were cock at the wall,

we couldn't do anything wrong, everybody was coming down to see how

the economy, our economy was going.

And now we're caught the other way.

-Times change.

-When God sees you.

-We're the dopes of Europe, now.

-Thank you.

-Bye.

-I got a transfer back up to Derry.

-Oh, right.

I don't know, because...

just the gurn, all that there, you know? It's funny now, so.

-So you can transfer, then?

-You live and learn, you live and learn.

Transfer back to Belfast.

PHONE RINGS

'And where are you going? Kevin, where are you dropping off?'

There's a lot of talk about money at the moment

because of the financial crisis that we're all in.

But not too much, people in Northern Ireland don't dwell on that.

You know, you might say, "I'm a bit skint,

"and this time last year, I was doing this and I can't do it this year."

But, generally, they're quite up.

-Lot of big, big buildings, offices, and all, isn't there?

-Aye.

Do you know that one, it's over there,

it's the tallest building in Belfast.

I've seen that on the news, there's something about that, aye.

-It's in receivership.

-Is it?

-Apparently so.

Times are not good.

You feel sorry for the young ones who bought a house in the last few

years and now got negative equity on it.

Or family and they'd be getting paid off.

And there's a lot of cheap houses now, but people haven't

the deposit, the young ones haven't the money to get them, you know.

You get bargains if you...

If you've the money, there's bargains out there to buy.

-RADIO:

-'The headlines at three o'clock. The Chancellor scraps

'a proposed rise in fuel duty but confirms

'austerity measures are likely to continue for another six years.'

-It's a sad world, at the minute...

-It is, you know, it is, aye.

All these people losing their jobs.

Up at that big patent group, or something there.

People think they're set for life, doing a job like that.

You got to laugh last night, anyway.

Yeah, that will do us for a while, now.

Cheers you up lovely, doesn't it?

MUSIC: "Crosstown Traffic" by Jimi Hendrix

# You jump in front of my car when you

# You know all the time 90 miles an hour, girl

# Is the speed I drive

# You tell me it's all right You don't mind a little pain... #

Where are you falling out?

Paradise. If you don't mind.

-Have you had a good day?

-It's not bad, now, you know,

taxi-ing's a wee bit quiet at the minute

-but it's ticking over, you know?

-Yeah.

If you're down, and sometimes people do get down,

they're not in a good mood, maybe something that's happened to them.

You try and tell them, get them up, get them up, you know what I mean?

I did mental health work for a long time.

I tell you, I'm sure I'd be a very talkative person anyway,

so you tend to put them in a better mood, you know?

Maybe tell them a funny story or tell them something that actually

puts them in a better mood, takes away from their bad mood.

What do you do yourself? What do you work on yourself?

Well, I sort of do a couple of things.

To pay the rent, I just waitress.

What's the best tip you've ever gotten? You went,

"What? That's more than I get in wages!"

-Well, the other day, I gave somebody a pint.

-Right.

Just a pint of Stella, and he gave me a tenner and

he let me keep the change.

-Did you follow him all the rest of the time, did you?

-Every time.

He went to the toilet and I was waiting on him coming out.

"Do you want another pint, mate?"

But I think it's cos he was American.

-You see, it was his first day in Belfast.

-Aye.

So I suppose he didn't realise we were as old as him.

He thought, "She's quite friendly in that basement there."

Have you seen anybody famous or anybody I would know?

Well...

-Nobody.

-Oh, yeah, we had, like, Dizzee Rascal, he was there.

-Who?

-Who?

-You know Dizzee Rascal?

-Is that a group?

I'm easy-going.

But fun loving, music loving.

Caring.

And it's my job every night to make sure you get home safely.

The light's shining on you.

You know a taxi driver who doesn't like traffic?

It's long hours. Antisocial. Relationships suffer.

There's nothing I love more than to be out with my friends.

But that's the shift I'm on. That's where I make my money.

And I suppose if I was being honest,

I'm craving to get on the day shift,

so I can relax at night, go out.

But I find a bit of comfort in picking up people that I know.

You've picked them up before, and you know where they live.

You get them home. They know you and you can have a bit of craic.

Home for your dinner as usual.

Oh...aye.

Got a wee bet on today?

-What's that?

-Got a wee bit on?

-No.

-Couldn't afford it.

-Couldn't afford it. Wise up.

SIREN BLARES

I was away at the, er...

Was it the Royal?

-About two weeks ago.

-Oh, aye.

That's right.

How are you now? It doesn't stop you from going for a drink?

They're not full blown ones, you know.

If I ever take one...

it's hard to lift it... and the arm just goes,

lying in a hole, like, collapsed.

I don't know what the hell happened to me.

-They kept me in four days.

-Did they?

-Couldn't get out to bet.

-Well, you silly....

-I'm waiting on the big one.

-Ach!

-You know what I mean?

-Don't be knocking that tree down.

-No, I won't.

-That's it there.

-There you go.

-There.

RADIO CHATTER

-Where are you from?

-I am from Algeria.

-Good. Do you live here?

I've been living here 14 years.

-And you like it?

-I love it, yes.

-You love the cold?

-Yes, I do sometimes.

Belfast at the weekend is now buzzing.

There are so many different bars

and different types of music you can go and watch.

All over the city.

I think, Friday night, the customers are different from a Saturday night.

Saturday night, everybody parties, everybody has to get out.

Even if the weather is bad, they get out. They find a way.

And they get out and enjoy themselves.

-Right, Mark, I want you to tell me all about your DJing. I believe you're a DJ.

-Yes.

What sort of music do you play?

All pop and hardcore.

-Oh, I don't know much hardcore, I'm too old for that.

-Yeah.

-I like bit of pop, though.

-Yeah.

How do you like DJing?

-It just gets me out and gets me a hobby.

-Aye.

-Cos I lost my mum to cancer there, so...

-I'm sorry to hear that.

It was actually three years ago there, so...

-Ah, I see.

-I'm actually going to be doing a charity event.

-Right.

We're going to have a big night, lots of music.

And you are going to DJ? Good for you.

It will be a really, really good experience for me.

-It will be brilliant experience.

-Cos Mum's...

is...is special. Special.

You only get one mum.

I have autism, so...

You would never know, Mark.

-I have a learning disability.

-Right.

You'd definitely never know.

SIREN WAILS

What happened? They say you have plenty of police.

Tonight, it's Belfast city centre, a bit of trouble.

-About the flag, yeah?

-Yes.

-No more flag?

-In this city, in Belfast? In the town?

-In town.

-Shaftesbury Square, Donegal Road.

-Oh, right.

But, er...but no flag beside Castle Court?

He says no more flag in...

-At City Hall?

-Yeah.

-Well, certain days they're going to have the flag.

-Just 15 days a year.

Yes, the Queen's Birthday and certain holidays.

-It's kind of stupid, like, people fighting for a flag.

-You're right.

Yes, it's stupid fighting about a flag.

I know.

-Eat, live, go for a drink and that's it.

-That's right.

-Sex.

-And sex, yes.

And sex.

-You like sex?

-Doesn't everybody?

# Taxi, taxi, take me anywhere... #

I said to my father, I told my parents I wanted to be a drag queen.

My father turned and said to me,

"Don't be A drag queen, be THE drag queen."

I was getting more money in one night at a gig than

I was on a week's wage working at the Royal Victoria Hospital, Saturdays and Sundays.

What did you actually do in the Royal?

-I worked in the fracture unit as a clinician.

-In the fracture unit?

Right.

If you don't mind me asking, are you married?

I am not married at all, I am a single individual.

I believe that the human species aren't meant to be

in the one environment their whole lives together.

-Maybe my thinking is wrong.

-Hmm.

-I don't know.

-I'm not being cheeky, how many relationships have you?

It would be an encyclopaedia.

-I fell in love twice.

-Yes.

-And I was betrayed.

-Yeah.

-There's times when I find myself thinking,

"I would love to walk in the living room

"and someone who I'm really in love with be there."

Or they're on the way home from work and I'm making the dinner.

-Making the dinner, waiting.

-Know what I mean?

-Yes.

Do you find at times now your life is lonely?

I don't know when, but I know I'm going to end up with someone.

This is too good to go to waste, you know what I mean?

At times, on a slow night,

when you feel you want to go home,

I hear a driver saying, "I'm going home, this is crap, this isn't good."

I wish I could afford to say that. So I hang on in there.

I discipline myself to stay to the time I want to stay to.

But sometimes the only thing that gets me

to six o'clock in the morning is the thought of a McMuffin.

A McDonalds breakfast.

-Up to 20 quid already.

-We're up to 20 quid already.

That wasn't the deal.

What's this? What's he doing now? Is it a guitar?

It's a bass.

'The late show, with Cherrie McIlwaine on BBC Radio Ulster.'

Here's the thing if you don't want any sex, right?

-Secret is to try and sneak in.

-I don't want any sex.

Yes, but sneaking up the hall, "Who's that?!"

You see, in five minutes I'll open the front door and say,

"Who's a horny big bitch?

"Who wants Daddy? Daddy's home."

She'll be...

HE SNORES

LAUGHTER

Hang on, the beast's home.

# You give me love and consolation

# You give me hope to carry on

# And you're always there

# To lend a hand

# In everything I do

# That's the wonder

# The wonder of you. #