Fostering & Me with Lorraine Pascale

I can't believe it's our first cake! Make it a good one.

Why did you want a red velvet cake?

Because I love red velvet.

I think it's so fresh, so...nice.

Where did you first have a red velvet cake?

Three or four years ago with our mum.

-And she made it?

-Yep.

-There we are.

-It's very red.

Very red.

Well, you don't want pink velvet cake, do you?

So, tell me what's it like being in care.

Erm, I really love being in care,

even though I love being with my mum, as well.

The first night is scary.

It's like a big old question mark

in your heart, thinking, "Why has this happened?"

But there's no point wasting your time

and going all sad and angry, while...

you have a life around you and anything can happen.

-De-dah!

-Brilliant!

Are you ready?

Oh, yes, I am ready.

What do you think?

How does this compare with your mum's cake?

Delicious, definitely.

But no cake is better than my mum's cake, definitely.

Ten-year-old Junior is one of over 60,000 children

in foster care across the country.

..13-year-old girl that's an adoptive placement... Break down...

I'm still exploring, yeah.

An in-house carer has agreed to keep them until Monday.

Foster care is a way of giving these children a home

while their own families are unable to look after them.

A lot of the time it's neglect.

It is physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse.

You are constantly trying to build the elusive trust.

But now there's a national shortage of foster carers.

You're not interested in fostering? OK. That's fair enough.

Everyone always knows about adoption, but...

they don't really know what fostering is.

I want to show why fostering really matters...

..because like these kids, I was fostered, too.

Devastating to read, really.

I've always believed fostering changed my life.

Now, I want to track down all the people who looked after me

when I needed a home the most,

and find out the sometimes painful truth

about my own childhood.

I still didn't dream that you would be fostered, you know.

This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

This is me when I was eight.

And this is Witney in Oxfordshire,

where I grew up with my adoptive parents.

But they divorced,

and my mum struggled to cope.

So I was sent into emergency foster care.

It wasn't hard to trace the foster family that took me in,

because they still live in the same house.

MUSIC: "Walking on the Moon" by The Police

Now I am going back for the first time in over 30 years.

-I don't remember it at all.

-Really?

Yeah. I mean, I remember this area

because I lived around the corner,

but I don't remember the house.

I don't know if it's just going to be like meeting complete strangers

and not have any emotion.

-Hello!

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Fine.

-How are you doing?

-I'm doing fine, thanks.

LORRAINE CHUCKLES

My foster carer was Barbara Stanley.

-How are you doing?

-How are you?

And this is Tammie, who was four years old when I came to live here.

I haven't seen you for so long!

-You haven't changed.

-Haven't I?

-Oh, I have!

-Doesn't look any different.

What was I like when I was here?

-Lovely girl.

-Be honest.

No, you were a good girl.

So I wasn't a tearaway, or...?

-No.

-Trouble?

No. You wasn't.

-You liked to dance.

-Did I?

-Yes, you were always dancing.

-Really?

Yeah. Yeah, I remember you fell over once, in the garden...

and because, obviously, years ago, like,

there wasn't many races around,

and I was quite shocked

that your blood was the same colour as ours.

THEY CHUCKLE

Over the years, Barbara and her husband Fred

fostered 11 children.

Some, like me, were here for a short time.

Others, like Tammie, stayed their whole childhood.

When did you come here? How old were you?

13 months. 13 months.

What happened with you? Tell me about your story.

When I was eight weeks old

I was involved in a fire.

The biological parents were...

..away from the building which we lived in -

a static home-type building.

And a fire was noticed.

And I got it all.

"Extensive burns...

"mostly on the face, but also on the hands and feet."

These are pictures from hospital.

Oh, my God.

-I'm surprised that you survived.

-Mm.

It was decided that...

I wasn't able to go back to the natural parents,

so I came to Mum and Dad.

I used to stay with her in the hospital, didn't I?

I made her go out amongst other children.

Never kept her shut away from people.

And look at her now.

If it wasn't for Mum and Dad,

I wouldn't be where I am today.

And who I am today.

You all right?

The boys were in there with bunk beds.

I don't know if you can remember.

And then we were in here.

There was a single bed there, and another single bed.

And then, like, a put-me-up?

-Was it squashed, or was it just cosy?

-Cosy.

-Cosy.

-Is the word.

It was fun.

It was like a sleepover.

TAMMIE LAUGHS

It's really strange, the way...

Because I think I was, I don't know - seven, eight, nine?

I can't remember what age I was.

But that's a time you do have memories from, obviously,

and it's quite strange that I don't actually remember sleeping here,

I don't remember lots of things.

I remember being here. I don't remember the nights.

No.

Do you think you've blocked that period out of your head?

I must've done.

Yeah.

-WHISPERS:

-Must've done.

I ended up staying with the Stanleys for three months.

You were having problems at home, weren't you?

-Round the corner.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Social services brought you to me.

They just phoned me up and said would I take you,

because they'd nowhere for you to go.

They stopped your mum coming here after work.

She used to... Temper, moods, and upset all of you.

Did she ever say anything to you about it all?

She just says she was struggling to cope.

But she normally says it was because I was so difficult.

But I don't know why she was, because you wasn't a bad child.

Honestly, I think she took...

Because of the break-up of her marriage,

I think she took it out on you.

To be quite honest, I really think she did.

-Yes, she used to tell me that.

-Yeah.

-Bye, Tammie. Good to see you.

-You, too.

She's obviously got a lot of love to give, and she loves children.

When I said, right, what was I like? What problems did I have?

And she sort of said, no, it wasn't you that had the problems,

it was your mother had the problems, so...

Erm... It's nice to get that validation.

Because I sort of spend my whole life thinking it was me.

And that's...something that you live with, so...

To hear that from her is really good.

I wasn't told any reasons as to why I went into care.

My father wasn't really involved.

I was living with my mother, and...

My mother just said she couldn't cope.

I didn't even know what the word cope meant at eight years old.

I knew she was working very long hours as a nurse,

but...eight years old, it's just not something that was in my head.

As a family, we haven't really spoken about

the time I was fostered.

My mum now has dementia and is too ill to ask,

and my dad is in America for several months.

So I'm going to see my dad's sister-in-law, Auntie Angela.

She was around at the time

and might be able to shed light on what went on.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Oh, I'm fine, thank you, dear. Are you?

-Yes, good thank you.

-Oh, look at your cookies!

-Well, they're your cookies.

I don't know whether they're going to be up to standard.

THEY LAUGH

They're quite soft, aren't they?

Should they be soft?

Yeah.

When they've got less butter and sugar in, sometimes they're more...

cake-like.

-I found one photo...

-Oh, did you?

Erm...But it's just before you came...around...

OK. Be good to see.

..that has got your mum and dad in it together.

So this is a family photo...

I was adopted by my parents, Audrey and Roger,

when I was 18 months old.

Dad. Your dad.

Your mum.

-Me.

-Oh, my God.

I would've thought "Who is that?"

-Oh, my goodness.

-Thank you.

And there you are at our house.

Oh, my God, look at that afro!

ANGELA CHUCKLES

And that's obviously quite a bit later.

I must be about eight.

-Which is around the time of the fostering, I suppose.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

When you were actually fostered, we didn't have a contact with you.

-Apart from those home visits, did we?

-Mm.

So what was I like around that time? Can you remember?

You were very clinging to your dad,

I can always remember the whole day we spent with you,

you would be sitting on his lap.

You were obviously craving affection.

Mm.

Can you remember that there was a problem, when you were at home?

Just with Mum?

Well, I remember she was often very angry.

Erm...

I don't know if you ever experienced her being a bit cross at times.

Mm...! ANGELA LAUGHS

Maybe helped with a little...er...friend.

-Yes.

-Erm...

-But she was quite a secret drinker.

-Yes.

-You never actually saw her drinking.

-No, I never...

-No.

-She used to go to her room.

-That's right.

While we were there, she used to, erm...

go off up to her room

-and we wouldn't see her for the rest of the day.

-Mm.

Their marriage had not been 100% for a while.

But I still didn't dream that you would be fostered.

I felt that you would still stay within the family.

Yeah.

So, yes, that was a shock.

Thank you for the cookies.

You're welcome.

I'll keep trying your recipes.

-See you soon.

-Yeah. Hope so.

It was lovely to catch up with Angela. And, erm...

It was interesting that she didn't know that much about

the whole fostering thing, as well.

It was good looking at the photographs.

Just to try and jig my memory of the past a little bit.

But, because I can't put a real emotional memory to it,

it didn't really bring anything to the surface.

It is clear that there must've been something seriously wrong at home

for me to go into foster care,

and I wanted to find out what that was.

These are...

the fostering records from Oxfordshire council.

I feel like I'm about to go to the dentist.

This is 1976.

"Reason for referral. Child at risk.

"Mother was worried about the pressure building up.

"She feels like she is likely to take it out on adopted daughter."

-In '76, that's interesting.

-How old are you, then?

I was age three, then.

So that was quite early on.

"Mother was 42 years old and they had been married for 15 years.

"They have a six-year-old son

"and...

"..a coloured child."

"She rang the department

"saying she was worried about her

"three-year-old adopted daughter.

"She felt the child was very much at risk

"and did not know how to deal with the situation."

"She said that she had exploded and smacked the children very hard,

"but knew she was particularly heavy-handed with Lorraine.

"She had always been confused about her feelings towards the child

"and quoted an incident which had taken place

"within the last couple of days

"when she was walking through Witney with..."

Hmm.

"..with Lorraine and a large lorry was travelling...

"in their direction, and she had looked at the wheels

"and thought if she pushed Lorraine under them

"it would solve all her problems."

Wow.

"Although she's not been drinking for over two months,

"she's afraid if she had a drink

"she would not know where to stop

"and could not control her feelings."

Well, that's quite heavy.

So, then, '81... "Request for reception into care of Lorraine."

"The mother called the office this morning to speak to duty officer.

"The mother was in an agitated state.

"She demanded that we take her daughter into care -

"she could not stand her any longer.

"She said she dreaded the school holidays

"and was sure she would do Lorraine some damage."

"She said she had already tried

"to strangle her and suffocate her recently

"and had hit her before she went to school this morning.

"She said that the only way she could keep from

"hitting Lorraine was to keep her locked in her bedroom."

Devastating to read, really.

I feel a bit sick.

I'm almost reading as...it's someone else, at the moment.

I haven't sort of absorbed it as being me, because it's a bit...

traumatic to read.

I don't want to sound like "poor me",

but it's not very nice.

Good morning, madam. Would you be interested in fostering?

-Have you ever thought about fostering?

-Er, no.

I've got my own son and... We don't have any other space.

This is the London Borough of Lambeth.

It's an inner-city borough with over 500 kids in care.

Good morning! We're recruiting for foster carers for Lambeth.

Would you be interested to talk to us?

Although so many children depend on foster care,

most people don't know how it works or what's involved.

-You've got a full-time job. OK, thank you very much.

-You're welcome.

-I'm single, so...

-But even single guys...

-No, single is fine.

Like every other place in the country,

there's a shortage of foster carers.

No English? OK. All right.

Here in Lambeth, they need 170 extra carers to meet demand.

-So you know something about fostering already?

-Yes.

-OK.

Well, you take one of these.

Taio, can we just take this lady's details.

-That was a fairly positive one.

-Yeah.

Well, she's obviously thought a lot about it.

Do you think people just foster out of the goodness of their own hearts?

Well, I have to say, that in the current financial climate,

we have to do a lot of intense screening

to make sure that people are doing it for the right reasons.

How much, on average, would a foster carer get paid a week?

Somewhere in the region of £390.

The money seems an awful lot, but it covers

food, clothing, fares to school and back, clubs...

Anything that is going to enhance that child's well-being.

How important is race

when you're thinking of matching children and carers?

Emotional need comes first.

Getting the right match with the right people comes first.

Race is within that

but it is not top of the list, necessarily.

As long as you are over 21,

and have a spare bedroom,

anyone can apply to foster.

I went to meet some of the foster carers already on Lambeth's books.

How long have you been a foster carer for?

-Three years.

-Three.

-And I'm on my second baby.

Oh, wow.

What is the, er, toughest thing you've had to face

in that three years?

-My first one leaving.

-Aw...!

-What was it like?

-Oh, it was horrible.

She just had the serious face, and got in the car.

I cried my eyes out!

From an early age I remember having one particular friend

who was in care

and it made me think, "Well, I want to help."

The help that she was given, I'd like to be that person to give that help.

As a foster carer, you first have to understand your emotions,

your feelings, then in terms of dealing with a child,

I look at myself when I was child and sort of think...

"What are the parallels here?"

All foster carers get basic training,

but here in Lambeth they also run more in-depth workshops.

Today's subject was looking after children who've suffered trauma.

Children who've experienced chronic trauma

may always feel that everyone's out to get me.

Or it might be a child that thinks

everything is always their fault.

When you see, often, those children who are

a lot older than you'd expect to be having, kind of, young tantrums.

That's about keeping you near. "I need you." OK?

So sometimes they're described as attention-seeking children,

we describe them as attention-needing children.

Another way that chronic trauma could affect attachment is if...

Half of all children who go into foster care

stay for a year or less.

But for others, it's much more long-term.

17-year-old Akira has been in care for the last ten years.

-Hello, Lorraine!

-Hi. How are you?

-I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

I went to meet her at Croydon College

where she is studying fashion.

This is my classroom, where we do everything.

-Everybody, this is Lorraine.

-THEY EXCHANGE GREETINGS

We can sit here. Next to my jacket.

Oh, wow!

Yeah, I was quite chuffed and pleased with that outcome.

-It's beautiful!

-Yeah.

I love a structured jacket!

your stitching is very impressive.

Thank you.

So, how did you get into fashion?

My foster carer encouraged me to go to classes in Hampstead.

So she thought if you just had something of your own

that you could totally focus on -

regardless of what else is going on - it would really help.

To take my mind off things, exactly. And that's what it did.

-I'm looking forward to wearing your clothes.

-Thank you.

AKIRA LAUGHS

How did you come to go into care?

Erm, my mum wasn't able to look after us.

I didn't initially tell people that I was in care, at first,

because I felt quite...embarrassed.

And a lot of people assume that your parents can't look after you,

and they're druggies or, you know, stuff like that.

But I did get a lot of questions like, "Where's your mum?"

and "How comes you live with your auntie?"

I've always called my foster carer my auntie.

I went into care around seven or eight, as well.

You're just being shipped around,

and it really makes your self-esteem quite low.

I was very up and down. Very emotional.

Very...

Tantrums. I would have tantrums all the time.

How did you foster carer...manage it, when you were being...

..traumatised by what was happening?

-She tells me stories now...

-She used to do what?

She tells me stories now about what happened, and I was, like,

"Did I really used to do that?!"

Can you give me an example?

For example, she said I used to threaten to burn the house down.

I could never imagine myself doing that, or even saying that!

How did she handle that?

She used to me sit me down and sing to me.

She used to sing a song and in the song it says

things are going to get easier and things are going to get brighter.

I remember that.

Akira has been fostered with her brother,

but she's been separated from her sister.

My sister was adopted, and then my brother and I

moved to my current foster carer.

-So your sister was adopted?

-Yeah.

-What was that like?

-Very difficult for me.

It was really hard. Very hard.

-Do you miss her?

-Loads.

-I think about her all the time.

-You don't have any contact with her?

-No.

-Wow.

-Not at the moment.

-Do you know where she is?

-Jamaica.

Really?

-Wow!

-Yeah.

That's hard.

AKIRA CHUCKLES

You poor thing.

Hopefully, you'll see her soon.

Yeah, I got big hopes and dreams.

Do you see your mum?

No. My mum passed away last year.

So that was a bit difficult, as well.

-Wow, you've had an incredibly traumatic time.

-Yeah.

I wanted to know what it takes to care for a child

who's had such a difficult life.

Hi.

Hello, Lorraine!

I went to meet Annette, who's looked after Akira

for the last eight years.

So you went to the college today?

I went to the college today. Met Akira.

Had a nice little chat with her about what she's doing.

-Mm.

-And saw her incredible work.

Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?

It's really good.

When she first came to join us with her brother, Akim,

we bought them all new trainers.

And you know the trainers' boxes...

I was getting ready to throw them away

and Akira insisted she wanted her box.

So I thought, OK. "Of course you can have it, Akira."

I didn't think anything of it.

And she disappeared in her room.

Two hours later she said, "Auntie, come and have a look."

And she'd completely and utterly decorated this shoe box.

It was amazing. I thought, "Wow!"

It was quite evident to me, Lorraine, that she had a talent.

After that it was about nurturing it.

Good evening, Auntie Nette!

Hi, Akira. How did college go?

-It was good.

-Hi! How are you?

Fine, thank you.

There are three children in the house.

Akira, her brother Akim,

and Annette's daughter, Kalifa.

What was Akira like when she first arrived here?

I very quickly nicknamed her the Mighty Atom

and that has stuck between myself and my husband.

The explosiveness of the personality,

you wouldn't expect from such a small person.

Very articulate.

No nonsense.

And actually knew what was best for her,

as well as her brother Akim.

She wanted to make all the decisions about what clothes he would wear,

what he ate and didn't eat, when he was full, when he wasn't,

when he was upset and when he wasn't upset, when he was tired.

The challenge for looking after Akira was getting her

to allow us...to do the parenting.

And then to allow her, give her permission,

to be her age.

Did she manage to let go?

Every now and again, she slips back into role, you know -

every now and then - but, yes, yes, she has.

What's the hardest thing about being a foster parent?

You are constantly trying to build the elusive trust.

So, with your birth child...

They've had you all their life,

so they know regardless of any argument you have...

However angry or "disappointed" you may seem,

it's just for a time.

Because you've got lots of positive credit in the bank.

With your foster child,

you're constantly trying to build up that reserve of confidence,

knowing that regardless of how awful a situation may be,

the bottom line is you're still going to be there.

Are you ready, Kalifa?

And no cryin'! And no sulking, Akim.

Told you!

No, no, no, no!

No, Akim! That was by mistake!

-Will you show me your room?

-Yes.

-Can I be nosy?

-That's fine.

Oh, nice!

-I love this!

-Thank you.

That's my mannequin.

I got for my 16th birthday!

-And that's my mum...and I.

-Wow...!

You are a cutie!

-Thank you.

-And still are.

What's it like having a picture of your mum there?

It's nice. It's warm.

Makes me...

Makes me remember her.

So that she's not forgotten.

I wake up and I look at that picture.

How old was she there?

Young. Probably about 18.

19?

What do you remember about your first night here?

I don't remember much.

I was angry with Auntie Annette,

my foster carer, because

I was in her house

I could only take my frustration out on her.

I wasn't happy, at all.

But now I am.

I am more than happy. Yeah.

Do you feel that Annette is going to be in your life for ever?

Definitely!

She couldn't not be! I need her!

I do, I need her.

She's my mum, as well.

She's my mum. She takes care of me.

I can still sit on her lap and be a baby, as well.

It's nice to be held sometimes.

To feel the love.

Not always being, you know,...

You're told you're loved,

but it's really nice to feel the warmth

and to have that hug and the cuddles

that I miss from my mum,

but Auntie Annette...

Yeah, she's lovely.

It's been a couple of weeks since the shock of reading about my own

reasons for being in foster care,

but I'm coming to terms with it.

I feel that I'm very lucky to have

such history documented

and written in black and white.

So I've got a very clear narrative of the past.

Because you do all these press interviews

and they ask you about the background

and you just think, "Oh, God. Here we go again, talking about poor me."

And over the years, I've just, sort of, made it smaller.

Thinking it's only six months - what's the big deal?

But then, when reading this,

to learn that I was on the At Risk register from 1976...

That was quite enlightening, and daunting, and sad,

and all of those things.

I knew things were difficult

and my mother was having her own challenges.

And reading this, I think that she could have perhaps

received a bit more support, to help with those challenges.

Do you remember how you felt as a child?

I just felt always unhappy.

Always feeling I didn't belong.

Always feeling I was in the wrong place. Erm...

Always feeling like I was doing things wrong,

tiptoeing around,

trying to be as invisible and as quiet as possible.

And, yeah, and that...

age-old feeling that's so common with children,

looked-after children, as just not feeling good enough.

I think, logically, I knew it wasn't my fault,

but emotionally, I didn't know it wasn't my fault.

And I probably still don't know that!

These social care records haven't just helped me understand why

I was fostered age eight,

they go right back to the day I was born.

Before I was adopted,

I spent the first 18 months of my life in foster care.

This is Hackney in the East End of London, where I was born.

According to the records, I was an illegitimate child

and my biological mother was unable to keep me.

She came to this hospital to give birth...

..and hand me over into foster care.

It feels...

odd, I suppose.

You kind of picture back to the way it was

and wonder how it all happened.

But it's nice to know, finally, where I came to the world.

The Mothers' Hospital was a place for unmarried mothers,

destitute women, so I guess that's what my mother thought she was.

'I was fostered shortly after I was born, by a young white couple.'

It makes me wonder if they're still alive, are they still fostering...?

All those kinds of questions.

'I'd really like to get in touch with the foster carers

'who looked after me as a baby,

'but the only surviving photo doesn't give me many clues.'

I was going to need some help to track them down.

The time is 8:49, it is Thursday, 21st November.

More than 60,000 children live with foster families

across Britain each day.

The Fostering Network reckons another 9,000 foster families

are needed in the next year.

The television chef, former model, Lorraine Pascale

-was brought up in care. Good morning to you.

-Hello, there.

You were born in Hackney in '72 and you were fostered from '72 to '74,

-possibly in Leytonstone, my old stomping ground.

-Yes.

-What other details, if any, have you got, Lorraine?

-Not much.

I mean, when I was born my name was Lorraine Victoria Brown,

and the foster carer, we think, was called Marion, but we're not sure.

So I was there for 18 months.

Do you know much about her? Was she single...?

She was married, apparently, yeah, she had a partner.

So, '72, do you remember someone

-who had a black child...

-SHE CHUCKLES

..for a short amount of time and they were white?

It might just jog someone's memory.

Lorraine Pascale there. Text us if you know, if you can help,

we're looking for a London foster mum.

-Thank you.

-Lorraine Victoria Sponge Brown,

-that's what your name's going to be.

-Very good!

-Have a good day, lovely to meet you.

-Thank you, you too.

This is baby Shania.

Just like me, she's been fostered since birth.

For the last 11 months she's been looked after by foster carer Kate.

You are so good!

I went to see Kate and Shania at home

with Lambeth social worker Natalie, on one of her fortnightly visits.

Hello, good morning.

How are you?

THEY LAUGH

Smiley face!

How long has she been with you?

-From birth.

-From birth!

-Five days.

-Really?

Yeah, you're a part of the family, aren't you?

-So, Kate, how long have you been fostering for?

-Five years.

Five years? How many children have you looked after?

-This is the fifth one.

-The fifth one.

-Yes.

And what ages are they normally, are they small, babies?

Small babies, yes, yes.

And why did Shania come into foster care?

Shania came into foster care

because of concerns raised from her mum not being able

to meet Shania's needs, because of her lifestyle choices at that time.

There were concerns with substance issues.

-OK.

-BABY MEWLS

What's the matter?

But Shania seemed to be doing well.

'Babies like Shania don't stay in the fostering system for long.

'Either they'll go home to their biological parents,

'or new adoptive parents will be found.'

I have identified a family for her,

so we're just going through the processes now.

So why 11 months in foster care, then?

Does it take that long to assess?

You have to look at Shania's needs and then look at the family's.

We don't want to go ahead and do something quickly

and then not get the right match.

But also, after a year,

if adoptive parents haven't been found and the foster carer

wants to adopt them, there's also that option, as well.

-Have you ever thought about that option?

-Yeah.

Definitely.

I would love to adopt her, if it's possible.

Because she knows me as the mum, my children love her,

she loves them, she's part of the family.

What's it like, when you bond with a baby

and then eventually you have to let that baby go?

Oh, it's very sad.

It's very sad, but it's the job,

how the job is, so I have to let go

and always pray for them to be happy.

And move on, yes.

I'll see you later, Kate, take care. Bye.

I can't really imagine how hard this is for Kate.

The foster carer has to be warm and loving

and be so emotionally available for this child

and form a strong attachment, cos it's that attachment

and that love that help transform a child and help a child feel safe,

and yet the foster carer knows in the back of their mind

that at some point this child is going to have to go to another home.

In many ways, I guess I was like Shania.

We were both fostered from birth

and stayed with a foster carer for some time.

And I wonder what it was like for my first foster carers

to have to...

hand me back, or...

let me go after looking after a baby from the beginning

all the way to one and a half.

'I was now more curious than ever

'to find out about my first foster carers.'

'With my dad, Roger, back in the country,

'I wanted to see what he remembered.'

Here's the newcomer.

Hello, newcomer.

That looks like pulled beef or something.

-Pulled lamb.

-Lamb! Even better!

-So, the shooting for the show's been going well.

-Has it?

-Been meeting lots of different people.

-Uh-huh.

What did you know about the foster carers

that looked after me from birth?

I knew very little about them.

I know that your...

That particular foster mother must have done a wonderful job,

because when we first saw you, I mean, you were

the sort of ready-made article, so to speak,

you were really just what we wanted.

I mean...

You seemed very settled, very happy, very bright.

We took to you straightaway.

But you were used to living in town, too, because I remember

the first time we sat you down on the grass and you screamed your head off.

Because you hadn't been on grass before!

So we promptly put you back on one of our laps.

It's quite difficult at times, digging in all the past and stuff.

What do you mean, difficult to take in, or...?

Yes, stuff that's been buried or you don't want to talk about,

or you haven't thought about.

-Or you didn't even know.

-Mmm.

What did you think of the records?

Well, I only read a couple of pages, but I was astonished

at what I discovered there, I never knew about that.

Really.

I wasn't aware what was going on. I didn't know.

You weren't aware of what was going on with mum?

Yes, yeah.

I remember when I was called in and your mother was having problems

and they wanted to know what my situation was,

because I was the obvious alternative.

But it wasn't really an alternative,

because I was living on a one-berth boat,

and they would never have allowed you to live there.

I mean, now I know something more of what was actually going on,

I don't know...

I don't know what I could have done.

I did what I could, I saw you as often as I could.

And... Well, it was very difficult. Very difficult.

Back when I was eight, because my dad couldn't

look after me and my mum was still struggling,

a long-term foster family was found for me.

They were called the Eccles and lived in a different town,

Abingdon, over half an hour away.

The records say it was supposed to be a permanent placement,

but I had no idea at the time.

As a child, you don't get told emergency, short-term, long-term,

you just get told, "You're going here, then you're going there."

So I didn't know at all what was happening.

I used to be screaming, "I want to go home," in my room,

and they used to say, "Oh, but we want you to stay,"

and I used to be like, "I don't want to be here, I want to go home,"

and saying, "You're not my parents."

They were missionaries in Uganda, I believe.

They'd just come back.

Very religious and I went to church a lot.

I'm not sure if it was a mismatch

or if it was just because of the time,

or just because I wasn't really told what was going on,

and of course I just really wanted to be at home,

but it was incredibly challenging being in another family

in another town, another school.

'The Eccles family are the only foster carers

'I was nervous about seeing again,

'because I don't remember being very settled there.

'But I wanted to find out what the experience of fostering

'had been like for them.'

Hello!

'I went to Devon, where they now live,

'to meet Stella and Warren and their daughter, Ruth.'

We can remember the time that you were with us,

-and it seemed to be rather short.

-Yeah.

Shorter than we expected.

What made you decide to get into fostering, then?

Well, we really wanted to adopt, and, erm...

I suppose we got in touch with the social workers

and they came along and said that this little girl needs a home.

And we said, "Fine."

Did they tell you much information about why I needed to be fostered?

Not really, no.

We hadn't a clue.

No, we were told that...

you were black.

Cos we'd been in Uganda, you see...

Do you think that's why they made the match?

Because you'd been in Uganda and you'd sort of

had experience with black...?

Well, that was the impression I got at the time.

I just remember, you know, it was lovely to have a sister,

cos when you've just got two younger brothers,

it's not really the same.

And I think, because I was about 15,

so you looked up to me as, you know, like a big sister.

I remember playing in the garden,

doing obstacle courses out in the back garden.

You seemed to want to fit in,

and I guess you got teased by the boys...

-They used to give me dead arms a lot.

-Pardon?

-Did they? Oh, no!

-Did they?

-Were they really naughty?

-No, just a bit... Yeah.

I remember it was a very difficult time.

It sounds like you weren't given lots of information,

either helping you with...

Well, some training or anything like that.

Oh, no, I don't think they had anything like that at all.

I've read some notes since from the social workers.

Apparently my mother was making life quite difficult.

-Did you meet her at all?

-She did come to the house.

-Oh, she did?

-She did once.

You wrote a letter to the Social Services saying it was

so confusing because I would go home,

then I'd come back to you very upset,

and it didn't seem productive, these sort of visits.

I can just remember feeling that, oh, you know,

Lorraine isn't going to be able to stay with us.

'I lived with the Eccles for six months.

'Then, without much warning, my mum decided she wanted me back.'

So what were you told then, when I wasn't coming back?

Just that my mother had changed her mind?

Yeah, that's what I remember.

You sort of think, "That's not fair on us,"

but actually, you know, she was your daughter, so...

-That's right.

-..it's her right.

After you left, we were more or less told

we shouldn't have any contact with you.

OK.

-And so we didn't.

-Yeah.

And the only thing that we heard was at some point

-that you went to...boarding school?

-Mm-hm.

-And did you foster again?

-No.

-No.

We were disappointed,

and I think we just felt we didn't want to go through that again.

Right.

I mean, they're lovely people, warm, friendly people.

It seems so simple that they had a home,

I needed a home, so what was the problem?

I think the issue was that they hadn't had adequate training

to understand, A - what fostering even was,

and maybe B - to have extra special awareness

and understanding of a child that's been in care.

I think that would have been very useful for them.

30 years later, the world of fostering has moved on.

It's much more professionalised,

and the process of becoming a foster carer takes up to six months.

Welcome, welcome Audley. Welcome to panel.

Here in Lambeth, the final stage of the process is facing a panel

who decide if applicants are ready for the job.

We've interviewed your children, I think all bar Lyndon,

and I think Lyndon is the actor that's often out of the country.

What's clear is both your own children

and your ex-partner really are very positive

about you going forward to be a foster carer for Lambeth...

Audley is hoping to foster the kids that no-one else wants -

teenage boys who've been in trouble with the law.

OK, I think we had a couple of questions the panel wanted to ask.

Just looking back at the training that you did,

-you've done de-escalation.

-Yeah.

-You've done emotional behavioural difficulties managing?

-Yeah.

What do you think your training and development needs

will be going forward?

One of the social workers did recommend that I looked into

if there was a restraint course available,

so that if I was physically attacked by one of these young men,

at least I would be able to sensibly protect myself.

So we just need the opportunity now just to have our conversation,

so if you wouldn't mind going back outside.

'Audley has previously fostered in other boroughs

'and has raised four sons of his own.'

How did you come to be a foster carer?

Well, over the years, I've known lots of foster carers.

All of them basically said

they just wanted to look after 0 to 12-year-olds

so I thought, "What happens to the 12 to 18-year-olds?"

There's something quite different, isn't there,

between fostering a baby or a five-year-old girl

to fostering these boys that are in and out of trouble with the law?

What sort of problems do teenage boys face in Lambeth?

It really is the gang culture, the knife culture.

The length of time they're with me is a very small window

in their lives, so I just try to influence them the best I can.

Panel would unanimously like to make a recommendation, Audley,

that you go forward as a carer for two children.

Is there anything you'd like to say to us?

Well, thank you very much.

You're a very calm man, Audley, you're a very calm man!

LAUGHTER

We're delighted that you've come to Lambeth.

I'm looking forward to joining Lambeth.

'Foster carers like Audley are in short supply.

'It wasn't long before I learned he had a placement.'

Nice to see you again.

'A 12-year-old boy.'

-So what's his name?

-That's Thomas.

So why was Thomas placed with you?

He was living with his mother and he had some issues,

so he decided to volunteer to go into care.

So now they're trying to return him to his father...

GLOVES SMACKING

I wouldn't want to get in the ring with him.

Well, he's very confident.

He is a street fighter, so he's really got no fear.

-That was a very good work-out.

-You're good, really good.

-Are you enjoying it?

-Kind of.

-Kind of!

-SHE CHUCKLES

-Do you think it helps you, the boxing?

-Yeah.

Can you tell me how it helps?

I haven't actually...

When Audley delivered news to me that would normally make me angry,

I wouldn't get as angry as I've normally been,

so I think it's kind of helping me with my anger.

Cos I used to get really angry, as well,

but I used to just go quiet and sulk,

-and you know when you slam doors and stuff?

-Yeah.

That's what I did.

That's more of a girl thing, though.

-It is more of a girl thing!

-SHE LAUGHS

Do you do other sports?

I used to do football with my school, but I got kicked out.

-Of the football, or of school?

-Of school.

-So that'll be both, then.

-Yeah.

So how is it being with Audley, do you like him?

Sometimes, as well.

Which times is that?

When he gives me money.

-Like pocket money?

-Yeah.

What do you have to do to get pocket money, or do you just get it?

I have to do my room.

-Tidy it? You don't like doing that?

-No.

Do you remember what it was like

the first day that you came into care?

It was actually quite good,

because I never really wanted to be in my house, so I wanted to go.

It was three days before my birthday.

So you had your birthday with Audley. What was that like?

Actually quite fun.

Tell me.

It was actually really good,

because it was my first birthday that actually went to plan.

Really?

Yeah, most of my birthdays have been shouting, screaming and leaving.

How do you cope with that?

I would go and stay at a mate's house for like a month or two,

then I would go back.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-So do you think you and Audley are a good match together?

-Er, yeah.

Why are you such a good match?

Cos I can call him anything I want and he would do nothing.

AUDLEY CHUCKLES

So he just keeps standing there strong

-and he doesn't shout or anything?

-Yeah.

I want him to cuss me back to see what cusses he's got.

But he hasn't got none.

THEY CHUCKLE

-What's the plan for the future, Tom?

-Erm...

Get back to when I was born originally, er...

live with my dad, and have a great time.

Yeah.

How do you see your role as a foster carer?

Are you a parent, a role model, mentor, a combination?

I would say maybe all. Well, not as a parent.

It's important that they realise

that they've still got their own parents.

I think I'd like to be a role model and, erm...

I just try to do the best I can for them while they're with me.

'I recognise some of myself in Thomas,

'especially his mix of toughness and vulnerability.'

As a child faced with the challenges at home,

I'd begun to get into trouble, too.

There was a group of people that were around at the time,

and it was all kind of drinking and God knows what else,

and stealing and that kind of thing,

which I sort of was on the fringes of at a very young age.

So I think that, yeah,

potentially, had I not had...

been taken away from the situation

that I would definitely have gone down a sort of dark route.

You know, I see some of those foster carers I've been meeting

and I just think it's so brilliant that they are there,

cos all you need as a child is one person,

it doesn't have to be your mother or your father,

it's just one person to give you some sense of consistency

and feeling wanted and needed,

and that goes such a long way.

And it might just be for a short time

where your parents at home are having difficulties,

but those people, they've got such big hearts and patience

and understanding, and it's been really wonderful

to meet them and hear their stories.

I was coming to the end of my time in Lambeth

when I received some unexpected news.

'My months of searching had finally paid off and I'd managed

'to track down the foster carers who looked after me as a baby.'

I didn't expect to ever meet them.

I don't know what my emotions are going to be like.

But I didn't want to take a brick out of the wall to look,

just in case the whole wall comes tumbling down.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-Come in.

-I'm Lorraine.

-Hello, Lorraine. I'm John.

John, give me a hug.

-Hello, Lorraine.

-Hi!

-It's amazing! Honestly, I can still see.

-Yeah?

Really.

Yes, it's quite a surprise. Quite a surprise.

When we received the letter, Marion just went numb.

-I wondered what was the matter.

-Really?

-Because I've thought about you so often...

-Have you?

TEARFULLY: Oh, yeah.

We applied to do short-term fostering.

Because we'd worked in children's homes,

we knew how easy it was to get attached to children.

How many did you foster altogether?

Well, there was...

We had you and we had Lynn.

There was two weeks' difference in your age,

But she went home to her parents every weekend,

but of course you were with us full-time,

so you were just part of the family.

But I have got some photographs to show you.

That was, I think, the earliest one we've got of you.

-So you were...

-Chubby!

-Yeah!

You were so compact, you were a chunky little child, you were.

That's my mum.

That's you on a day out,

that's on a tractor or something, we've got you sat up there.

That's you feeding yourself with your little playmate, Lynn.

I can't put into words what a joy you were

to have as a baby.

That's why it's so difficult, you know?

When you were up for adoption, Marion wanted to...

You know, "Shall we adopt?"

Well, I wanted to adopt you.

And I said, the idea of us doing it, it was short-term,

so we wouldn't get attached.

And of course now 18 months had gone by and...

And Marion did get attached.

John...

said, you know, "This wasn't what we decided on."

I'd found out I was pregnant, as well.

We were only in our early 20s, as well, so we weren't...

adults, you could say.

When Audrey and Roger came along, they were smitten with you

from the moment they clapped their eyes on you, and, erm...

We were very working class,

and they were obviously very middle-class.

We thought you would get a good level of education.

And then...

..we had to do the handover and I had to take you to their home.

I had to go, and I got Lynn, the other little girl with us,

and I started to put her coat on,

and of course you came up and you wanted your coat, you...

...to get ready to go, and I couldn't take you.

It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do,

was leaving you.

Audrey did write to me for a while,

and let me know how you were going on,

but I didn't maintain contact because it was just too painful.

It's very nice for us - well, more so for Marion -

to find out that you've done so well in your life.

To know that you've grown up and had such a successful life is lovely.

Really lovely.

So good to meet you again.

Oh, dear.

-Will you stay in touch?

-Absolutely.

You're off again! You'll make me go off again.

When I started looking into my fostering past,

I couldn't have imagined where it would lead me.

I thought I knew my own story

and I underestimated how difficult it would be going back.

But I'm glad to have a complete picture of my childhood now.

And I realise more than ever

what a huge difference fostering has made.

Not only to my life,

but to the thousands of children who are fostered every year.