Episode 2 Cardigan Bay Coastal Lives

Cardigan Bay, the sweeping west coast of Wales...

This is just something else.

..home to the largest population of bottlenose dolphins in the UK...

It really is the New Zealand of the northern hemisphere.

..and the only place in Wales where you can buy a pier...

This is the best beer garden in Wales.

..and even a zoo.

Don't forget to wash your hands after you've played with the snakes.

Over spring and summer, we followed the rich and varied lives...

This is just not Elvis enough.

..of the locals who call this coast home.

Toilet Lady from Ceredigion will do me.

Quite proud really that I am going to start a business here again.

He's the boss, obviously.

Yes, yes. I've explained that to them.

Why on earth would you want to live anywhere else?

This is their Cardigan Bay.

It's early April and Cardigan Bay is gearing up

for the start of the holiday season.

MOTORCYCLE STARTS

At Borth, in the north of Ceredigion...

# See you later, alligator

# After a while, crocodile...#

..husband and wife Alan and Jean Mumbray are out for a spin

in their vintage motorbike and sidecar with their dog Ruffles.

Sounds great, handles well...

It's really nice to ride, really comfortable.

If it rains, you have the lid that goes on.

And the dog just loves it.

We're both 1958, me and the bike.

So we've got something in common.

The bike might be slightly more reliable than me, that's all.

# See you later, alligator...#

But motorbikes aren't the couple's biggest passion.

In their front garden, they have a 12-acre zoo

and it's time for the first show of the day.

First of all, we've got Fonzie the Asian water monitor lizard.

Over there, Emily's holding Gus the bearded dragon.

It's Easter and a big weekend for Alan and Jean.

-Hello, darling!

-EXCITED SQUEAKING

Hello!

We've had to go through all the winter

with no income and lots of payout...

..so the Easter is very important for us

to try and catch up from the winter, really.

Those ones in there, they'd swallow goats and things like that.

Yeah, hopefully, we'll have a busy day tomorrow.

And another one on Monday.

And long may it continue.

Don't forget to wash your hands after you've played with the snakes.

As Alan wows the crowds with his reptiles,

their hopes depend on the arrival

of two new, rather more fierce residents.

HE ROARS

This is where the first lions of Ceredigion should be arriving

in a few months' time.

Already the zoo has started advertising

the arrival of their star attractions Zulu and Wilma

from their current home in Bristol.

These are actually THE lions, aren't they? They're our lions.

Yes, that's them.

It's a draft for our new brochure.

Because, you know, the zoo's slowly changing, expanding,

and we need a completely different brochure.

Alan and Jean started Borth Zoo 15 years ago

as a rescue centre for unwanted exotic animals...

Plate-glass windows and bars.

..but gaining two kings of the jungle

is a whole new ballgame for the zoo...

That'll have a metal strip down there, won't it?

..and for manager Joe and cat-keeper Tom.

I cannot believe I'm going to be looking after lions.

HE CHUCKLES

Never would've believed anything like this could happen.

Once we become a collection that has lions,

we very much move up the ladder, in terms of zoos.

So we cease to be a very small, little collection,

and we've moved on to be, if not a big zoo,

certainly a medium-sized zoo.

It's certainly a big deal for me.

This will be the biggest cat -

biggest animal - I've ever looked after.

As the zoo dreams of lions,

the rest of the UK are gearing up for the general election...

..and the roads of Ceredigion

are lined with banners for what is being billed

as a two-horse race between Plaid and the Lib Dems.

WHIRRING OF POWER DRILL

But in his garage in Aberporth,

independent councillor turned Ukip candidate Gethin James...

..is planning his one-man assault.

There's a lot of things affecting what we did as a council

that I was unhappy about.

And more and more...

CAR TOOTS

I was...

..looking at what Ukip were saying

and agreeing with it.

CAR TOOTS

They haven't even seen what sign I'm putting up yet!

I could've stayed on at cabinet

and been my independent councillor

and not been controversial.

But you've got to stand up for what you believe in, don't you?

And having paid the £500 deposit to stand out of his own pocket...

CAR TOOTS

..Gethin needs every vote he can get.

CAR TOOTS

They don't sound like angry beeps...

..so I'll take it that they're supporters.

HE CHUCKLES

But Gethin has one secret location up his sleeve.

All right, Mum?

His nan's veranda.

I've got to see if I can get it in here. It's a big sign.

Oh, my God!

This could be tricky.

Yeah, I think you can tell it's there.

Each year Ceredigion welcomes over 2.5 million holiday-makers.

And most will spend a penny

at one of the county's 13 coastal toilets.

This'll be the first port of call and the last port of call

and that's the lasting impression that they're going to have -

"My goodness, they had clean toilets!"

Ceredigion's toilet queen Jasmine Wilson

and her team of dedicated cleaners

are in charge of keeping the county's toilets gleaming,

and their loos are officially the cleanest in Britain.

In the toileting world, we're certainly in the Premier League.

We're in the league of excellence.

We do lead the way.

Jasmine's peerless porcelain has even impressed prime ministers.

This is me with Tony Blair at Downing Street.

I must admit there were rather large glasses of wine,

and I had three to quench my thirst,

so I was a little bit tiddly.

I was very proud,

but I was also very nervous

and I must admit I think I took over the conversation there.

You know? I started talking, my hand was going,

so I don't know how much he got in, actually.

And, of course, Jasmine couldn't leave Downing Street

without a little inspection.

The conveniences in 10 Downing Street...

I must admit I was a little bit naughty.

I couldn't go there and not go in to give them a quick inspection.

Very impressive. Very impressive. Spotlessly clean.

Though they were using them for a bit of storage, as well,

which isn't the done thing.

The time has come for Jasmine to defend her county's crown,

and enter this year's UK Loo Of The Year awards.

When we enter, our reputation is at stake.

I certainly wouldn't want to, you know,

not do well.

It's important for us, because that's the way we can

benchmark ourselves against other authorities.

Pardon the pun, but we don't want a flash in the pan,

what we want is continuous high standards.

The forms are filled and all Jasmine can do now

is wait for the judges to make their secret visit.

In Ffostrasol, inland from Cardigan,

Des Perenara is getting ready for another day at the office.

Des works at BTG Laboratories.

This is just a very small part of a large machine

that creates a vial of anti-snake venom to save people's lives.

Yes, by day, Des makes snake antivenom.

# I can't walk out

# Because I love you too much, baby Yeah...#

But by night...

# You're caught in a trap... #

WHOOPS AND CHEERING

..he's Elvis Desley.

# ..Because I love you too much...#

This is my Elvis room.

This is where I put my outfits when I've just done a show.

So I've just done a show on Saturday,

so they are a little bit wet.

So I get them up to air them.

This is the main suit.

I had to stick all these in,

every single one, and it was painstaking.

Des's transformation to Elvis Desley

started at a 30th birthday party.

I did a few karaoke songs,

and my mother-in-law just loved it.

So she was the one who motivated me to carry on being

an Elvis tribute artist.

His mother-in-law may love his act,

but Des's wife Fiona doesn't share her passion.

# I just want to be your teddy bear

# Oooooh...! #

Unfortunately, my wife isn't a big fan of Elvis

and so most of my Elvis stuff is banned into this loo.

I love what Des is doing,

and I'm very supportive of what Des is doing,

but, yes, I do like to keep it contained

rather than just plastered all over the walls

in the sitting room and the bedroom and everywhere else.

Fi's other bone of contention is Des's Elvis haircut.

All the Elvis tribute artists...

..colour their hair black.

Mine, though, isn't coloured, obviously.

Believe that, you'll believe anything!

At 54, you don't... You know, with the Maori genes that I have

it'll stay black till I'm about 60.

To say it was a constant battle would be unfair,

but I prefer it a lot shorter than that.

As I say, he's sort of Elvis sometimes,

but I'm pretty much married to an Elvis lookalike all the time.

And I think it looks a lot nicer a little on the shorter side.

Elvis has somewhat taken over, at times.

And I married Des, not Elvis.

The couple met in London

and moved back to Fiona's hometown, Cardigan, nine years ago.

When he first came down here,

within a couple of weeks he knew pretty much everyone

to wave at and say hello to.

So when I came down a couple of months later -

I'd stayed up in London -

and by the time I got here, he knew more people down here than I did.

So he's obviously very well-received wherever he goes,

but that could just be because he's Des, rather than Elvis Desley.

How does a Maori end up in Cardigan?

Well, I always say to people that there are only two things

that can move a mountain - me being the mountain -

God is one of them, and a woman - a good woman - is another.

So, yeah, the way I got to, erm, England

was through my first wife.

And the way I got to Wales, is my second wife.

Next, I'd like to go to America.

I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding!

# Love me tender... #

But long-suffering Fi does give her man extra support.

This is my wife's G-string.

So, erm...

It just gets better, doesn't it?!

HE LAUGHS

She won't appreciate that.

Oh, God!

And my family and friends will see that, as well. Jeez.

I started using my wife's G-string, erm...

..when I first got the white suit.

Because I put on these white pants, right,

but you could clearly see the white pants through it.

And I just thought, "Man, that looks stupid."

And I saw through my wife's laundry,

that she had the perfect sort of G-string that I needed.

HE LAUGHS

Back in Borth,

and zoo-owner Alan is having a well-earned break

between reptile shows.

-FUNNY VOICE:

-Hi, Ruffles!

Here's Ruffles.

He is the shih...shih-poo.

Shih-tzu-poodle cross.

BUDGERIGAR SINGS

HE WHISTLES

My last budgie, he could whistle Laurel and Hardy.

He could whistle the theme from Dixie,

and he did lots of talking.

But at the age four, he got something wrong with his inside,

and dropped dead.

Thankfully, across the yard in the zoo,

manager Joe is having more luck...

Come on, in you go...

..with some rare parakeets...

..and these young birds start a new chapter for the zoo.

OK.

So, these are Brazilian grey-breasted parakeets.

At last count, there are about 250 of these left.

Joe is determined to make protecting endangered species like these

a priority at the zoo.

As far as I'm concerned, the only possible excuse

for having a modern zoo

is to be involved in these efforts to save these species.

There's a very real possibility

that the wild population could become extinct.

If that happens, the last remnant of the species,

the last of their kind, would be the population that is held in zoos.

Borth Zoo is the first zoo in the country

to successfully breed this species on display to the public.

There we go.

So he is BZ - Borth Zoo - one.

Joe is involved in a breeding programme

to secure the future of these rare parakeets.

All we need now are a few breast feathers.

The laboratory will be able to look at the DNA in those

and tell me whether BZ1 is a male or a female.

To breed a species for the first time,

particularly one as critically endangered as this,

I think, really sets the tone

for how I would like the collection to progress.

But while the zoo has gained some new feathered friends,

the lion enclosure is still empty

and this is the second summer they might miss out on.

I was hoping for them to be in during last summer,

but it hasn't happened, so... We're pressing on.

The zoo is still waiting for the council to issue their licence,

and Jean is getting worried.

They've got a big safety issue, as you can imagine,

and so, quite understandably, really,

they are very frightened of the idea.

But I sometimes think they'll never actually arrive, you know?

It's always something else that they want us to do.

But it's not only Jean who's feeling frustrated.

This must be the third or fourth time I've put it back up again.

Knocked over...

Gethin's signs may have been the victim of sabotage.

I don't think it's the wind.

And, er...

I don't know.

I wish people would have the courtesy to leave them up.

Hopefully that'll last another day...

then I'll be back again.

But now the sabotage has begun to get personal.

I've been chopping my face off some of the signs,

because they've been defaced.

Somebody gave me a small moustache,

and a bit more of a fringe, um, on the picture,

and I couldn't clean it off,

so it was easier just to chop out the photo from the board.

While Gethin is taking it in his stride,

his wife Jess is finding the personal attacks harder to cope with.

I do get quite upset by these things,

especially if my children see these type of comments.

They know their dad's not a racist, you know?

But then, you don't want anyone at school

saying anything to them, either, or anyone passing, it's...

Yeah, I wouldn't want anyone to say anything to my kids.

That's it - keep my kids out of it.

But now the time has come for Jess and Gethin

to stand up and be counted.

Ceredigion is about to vote.

Polling day today, so I'm going out now.

Final push, really, show my face at as many polling stations

locally as I can, and, um...

..basically, we've got to wait to see what people decide, isn't it?

But it's not the perfect start to polling day for Gethin.

My rosette is damaged.

HE CHUCKLES

How am I going to do this, then?

I'm going back in the house a minute.

I'm going to have to sellotape it on, or something.

Right? Cos the pin's come off it.

Been a bit heavy-handed with it and ripped the blinking pin off it.

All fixed - and it's off to Aberporth polling station,

where Gethin has to get his rosette past local legend Mary Bott.

-How are you?

-Not allowed to wear them within 20 yards.

-I'm the candidate.

-I don't care!

-I'm the candidate.

-I don't care.

-And then I'm off again.

-I don't care!

-I don't care.

-No, I've checked my rules, Mary.

I've checked my rules!

HE LAUGHS

I'm going to do my business.

I wish you all the best, but Mark's going to get in. Definitely.

With Mary ringing in his ears, Gethin puts his X on the spot.

There we are, the deed is done.

Let's hope there's several thousand more.

Not that Mary is backing down.

-..political, do you?

-Well, no - well, of course, I mean,

I don't agree with you politically, but I will speak to you.

I'll speak to everybody.

Yes, only cos you want to send me back for tickets.

They pay me to talk, you see!

Anyway, pob lwc i chi, anyway.

-I've got to be going, now, to, er...

-But, er...

IN WELSH:

-Well, we'll see how it goes.

-I don't want you to split it, you see.

WESTERN MUSIC

In Aberystwyth...

..a stranger has been spotted in town...

..and this lone ranger has a licence...

..to inspect.

-Rob, it's Anthony, Loo Of The Year.

-Hello, there.

-It's that time of year again, my dear boy.

-Yeah.

-You OK?

-Yeah, fine, thank you. You?

-All right for the inspection?

-Yeah.

-Excellent.

-I've got some paperwork here...

Just have a look for some external signage for a minute.

UK Loo Of The Year inspector Anthony Leeman has dropped in unannounced

to mark Jasmine and her team's toilets.

The minute that their entry goes in, they know that it's game on.

Washbasins...

It's a tense time for attendant Rob...

At this time of year, I do get nervous,

when the inspections are due...

and then he drops in on us!

..and Rob has a reputation to uphold.

He's officially Wales' top loo attendant.

We do our best for the public and for Jasmine's sake.

So...

and for our own.

There's no vandalism or graffiti or anything

that would put somebody off coming in here,

so that's another marking criteria.

Extras - vending...

There are extra marks available for vending machines,

so that's obviously... In the ladies',

ladies can get sanitary wear...

sanitary towels, not "wear"...

sanitary towels, and perhaps men can get condoms, um...

..or any other additional things that may be...may be relevant.

Men's toilets inspected,

time to move on to the ladies'.

Hello, inspector here, do you mind if I come in?

Hello?

Just pop that on the door...

TOILET FLUSHES

Customers need to be able to come in, use the toilets,

wash their hands, dry their hands...

TOILET FLUSHES

..perhaps they want to put some make-up on...

So, they can put their bag down on this surface here,

use the mirrors for make-up, et cetera.

It's a very good facility.

So far...

TOILET FLUSHES

..so good, for Rob in the ladies'...

65, the door.

..but someone has made an unusual fashion deposit.

Somebody's put a bra in your...

in the sanitary bin, Rob.

Ah...that doesn't surprise me.

ANTHONY CHUCKLES

Could this scupper Rob and Jasmine's award-winning record?

Tops for bags. Bin complete with liner and lid.

There's no vandalism or graffiti.

Anthony has visited, inspected and marked.

-Well, that's the inspection complete, Rob.

-Yeah.

Very good again. Well done.

Despite the stray bra,

the signs are good for Jasmine and Britain's best toilets.

Well done for the hard work - you've obviously been working hard, here.

-Thanks, mate.

-Nice to see you.

-Thank you.

-Cheers, then, Rob.

-Thank you.

-Bye-bye, now.

-Bye!

Down the coast in Cardigan,

it's a big night for local legend Des Perenara -

aka Elvis Desley.

-CROWD:

-Whoo!

ALL CHEER

Des's adoring fans have gathered to see the Ceredigion King in action

at his local Cellar Bar...

..but his wife Fiona is on hand to ensure her man gets ready for action.

Actually, there's a really good crowd,

and they're completely up for it tonight, which is nice.

With the concert a sellout,

the last thing Des needs is a VPL.

I need to put on, er...my G-string.

-Yeah!

-My wife's G-string.

-They didn't need to know that.

As soon as I get on, I'll be ready to rock.

But The King isn't complete without his cape...

-There we go.

-Here we go, baby.

-Your cape.

-Oh, yeah, yeah!

-Oh, my word! Nearly forgot the cape.

..and Des has one more favour to ask Fi.

Hey, will you take it off?

Oh, really? Me?

-So, after Burning Love.

-After Burning Love, OK.

-I can do that.

-Yeah - cool.

Across town, and the main event is about to get under way

at Cardigan Leisure Centre...

..and while the big parties are there in force,

Gethin arrives with his small band of helpers,

including his mum and wife Jess.

-All good.

-Ta-ra.

Feel out of my depth, but I'm very proud.

As the first ballot boxes are counted,

the parties jostle to predict the outcome...

To get my deposit back,

I need to get 5% of the vote,

so that's somewhere around the sort of 1,900 votes, to 2,000-odd votes.

Um...I hope I'm safe with that!

..and while the big money is on the battle between Plaid

and the sitting Lib Dem MP, Gethin is hoping to ruffle some feathers.

You know, if I can get 10%-plus in the heartland, you know,

of the Welsh heartland in Ceredigion,

I would have done fairly well, I think.

I was hoping for around 10% of the vote,

but depending on how many the two frontrunners have got,

there might not be more than 28-30% to share

between the last four candidates, you know what I mean?

I think it's going to be a very close-run thing

between sort of third, fourth and fifth, to be honest.

Gethin pins his hopes on beating the big guns.

There's a fair few in the pile, there.

Whether or not I got more than the Conservatives, I'm not sure.

And in the Cellar Bar...

This is my music.

..Des is ready to wow his public in the very place

where his Elvis dream started seven years ago.

CROWD CHEERS

I love coming back here.

It's like coming back home, you know?

This is where I first started.

They gave me my start, and I can't wait to get on with it.

# Just a hunk of burning love

# Just a hunk of burning love

# Just a hunk of burning love

# Just a hunk of burning love

# I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love. #

CROWD CHEERS

With things hotting up,

it's time for Fiona to attend to her hunk of burning love...

CROWD CHEERS AND WHISTLES

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

..and for Des to lose the cape and get back to his adoring fans.

In the leisure centre, the early whispers indicate that Gethin

may be attracting slightly less adoration.

Um...

-Labour got third?

-Yeah, I think.

Interesting. Interesting.

Gethin's hopes of getting 10% of the vote seem to be slipping away...

Some of the boxes in the south are doing well,

but it doesn't look so good in the north of the county,

you know what I mean?

So, it's very difficult to predict where I'm going to come.

..but things are looking better for the sitting MP, Mark Williams.

No, it looks like you're the only Liberal left outside of England.

Well, we'll see. We'll see.

GETHIN CHUCKLES

As the final boxes are rushed in from the furthest reaches of the county,

it's proving to be a long night for Jess...

My feet are hurting, now.

..but at the Cellar Bar, 54-year-old Des

is showing no signs of slowing up.

# Caught in a trap

# Whoa-oh-oh... #

Des works the crowd into a frenzy...

and the moment of truth has come for Gethin and Jess.

The number of votes recorded for each candidate at the election

is as follows.

James, Gethin, UK Independence Party - Ukip -

3,829.

Parker, Mike...

Gethin finishes in fourth place, just ahead of Labour,

and achieves his goal of getting 10% of the vote.

I'm so proud of him, standing up there.

Really, really quite emotional. Nearly brought me to tears, really!

It's nice, it's really nice. Yeah.

It's been a big night for Ceredigion's only

councillor turned Ukip candidate...

Yeah, that's all right.

Like I said, it's near where I thought I'd be -

you know, 3,800, so I'm not disappointed with that.

You did brilliantly.

..and a great gig for the county's only Maori Elvis tribute artist.

ALL CHEER

Ladies and gentleman...

..Gethin has left the building.

-DES:

-Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very, very much.

Next time, a castle gets saved...

Cardigan's got its castle back!

..but a precious treasure gets lost.

Oh, sorry - my wedding ring's come off.

It's not on the floor down there, is it?

The King jumps into a new suit for a big competition...

Porthcawl, baby. Here we come.

..and Borth Zoo is on high alert for its new residents.

LION GROWLS

Nothing's going to go wrong. Nothing is going to go wrong!