Episode 3 Extreme Wives with Kate Humble


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Transcript


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Wow.

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I've spent time in many different countries...

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What a place to be!

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..getting to know people from vastly different cultures.

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So do the men sew as well?

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Will your husband sew?

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And one thing that's often struck me...

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..is that the roles men and women play in society

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give great insight into their way of life.

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OK.

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And how the everyday roles of women in particular

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reveal a society's values,

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whether they be determined by religion, status...

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..or tradition.

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As a white middle-class woman growing up in Britain,

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I know that I'm enormously privileged -

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free to make choices, to state opinions, to be independent.

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But for many of the world's women, perhaps the majority,

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circumstances are very different.

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WOMEN CHANT

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So, in this series, I'm travelling to three very different communities,

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where the roles of women are exceptional,

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complex and even extreme.

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The Kuria tribe in Kenya, where women are caught up

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in the clash between age-old traditions and the modern world.

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How do you go and find a man?

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LAUGHTER

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Hello.

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The intensely private, ultra-orthodox Haredim in Israel,

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who live by strict religious laws.

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Now I'm in north-east India...

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-Hello.

-Hi, Shitoah. Kate.

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..with the Khasi people and their extraordinary matrilineal system

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that puts women at the forefront of society.

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You're like a very strict headmistress.

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Over the last decade, India has been ranked

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as one of the worst countries in the world to be a woman,

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so this is the last place you'd expect to find women in charge.

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So if you need money, do you have to ask Shitoah for that money?

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But can this ancient way of life survive

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as India continues to modernise?

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Gosh, that's quite a chink

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in your matrimonial Utopian system, isn't it?

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Yes. Not so Utopian.

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I'm in the city of Shillong.

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The capital of Meghalaya state in north-east India.

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Meghalaya's a beautiful place,

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full of deep gorges and steep forested hills,

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often shrouded in mist.

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India is one of the hardest places to be female.

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Inequality is absolutely ingrained in society.

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Domestic violence is rife, child marriage is common,

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arranged marriages, of course, are the norm.

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But in this remote corner of India, the local Khasi people,

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who number around 1.75 million,

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practise a matrilineal way of life,

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where everything, including property and the family name,

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is passed down the female line.

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It's believed that this female-led way of life

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was once practised by 30% of the world's population,

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but now there are just a handful of communities left.

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I want to know how it works in this part of India.

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Does a matrilineal system allow women to,

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I don't know, choose their own husbands

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or choose how many children to have?

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Erm, does it allow them to have businesses and to be entrepreneurs?

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All the things that I don't connect, rightly or wrongly, with India.

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I want to find a community where this exceptional system

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is working as it always has,

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so I've been told to head up into the hills.

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It's a four-hour drive to my destination -

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a small village literally at the end of the road.

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Hello. How are you?

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Very well.

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Very nice to meet you.

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Kongthong is a settlement of 500 people

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and one of the 12 villages

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that make up the core of Meghalaya's matrilineal system.

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The history of this culture has only survived by oral tradition,

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so pinning down its origins is hard...

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..but it's said it started when Khasi men went off to fight wars.

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They'd be gone for years and many wouldn't return...

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..so the women took over managing the family wealth

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and became responsible for the vital continuity of bloodlines

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by passing on the female family name.

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I'm staying with the Khongsit clan, who've lived here for generations.

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Hi.

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And I've been told that a woman called Shitoah

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is the most important family member.

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-Hello.

-Hi, Shitoah.

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Kate.

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Lovely to meet you.

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Thank you very much for letting me come and see you today.

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Shitoah is the Khatduh.

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The head of the family.

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So is this all your family here?

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But what's unusual in Khasi society

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is that the Khatduh is also the youngest daughter.

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Hello. I'm Kate.

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Hi.

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So is this your husband?

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Yeah? This is your good man?

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Very nice to meet you. Is it Bah Lung?

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Bah Lung, nice to meet you.

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Shitoah and Bah Lung have been married for 30 years.

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OK, now tell me who everyone else is.

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They have seven children - five girls and two boys.

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And so this is your youngest daughter?

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12-year-old Habashisha is the next generation Khatduh.

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You're the Khatduh. So you're going to be in charge?

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In Khasi society, unlike the rest of India,

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the birth of a daughter is vital to continue the family line

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and it's the youngest daughter who holds this important role,

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as the one most likely to marry last and, therefore,

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most able to take care of her ageing parents.

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So, can you tell me about your family?

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And when your parents died,

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did your brother and sister inherit anything at all

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or did absolutely everything come to you?

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It sounds like that's the best thing to be, to be the youngest daughter.

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But, actually,

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there's a very big responsibility on the shoulders of the Khatduh.

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Do you sometimes wish that you hadn't been the youngest daughter?

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And you, down there,

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can you tell me what your duties are

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as this very important member of the family?

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We're camping in the village.

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It's a world away from the hubbub and car horns of modern Shillong

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and already I feel myself relaxing into the pace of life here.

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And you get the feeling that there are these, sort of,

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little pockets of humanity

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that, kind of, exist almost in isolation,

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tucked in these beautiful hills.

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I mean, it's the most staggeringly dramatic landscape.

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This way? Oh, this way. Down here?

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Shitoah's asked me to help with the harvest

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from their forest garden down in the valley.

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DOG GROWLS

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Hello.

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Most of the villagers here rely on agriculture to make a living,

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harvesting oranges, wild bay and pepper.

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SOMEONE SINGS A SUCCESSION OF NOTES

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SINGING

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I keep...like that...

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SINGING

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Is there a system here for people to communicate with each other?

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Do you have a family song,

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so if you're trying to call your daughters,

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will they know it's you?

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Will you call this daughter here?

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SHE SINGS

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That's lovely.

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And so for each one of your children,

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do they all have a different song?

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Each one?

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Finally, after a three-hour descent,

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we arrive at the wild pepper fields.

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Did you find pepper already? Look at that.

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Wow, so this is a very important crop for you.

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Well done.

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Brilliant.

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Suddenly, when you get your eye in, it's everywhere.

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I haven't heard anything yet from Bah Lung

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about how men fit into this system

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because it's the women who manage all the family's finances

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on a day-to-day basis.

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So if you need money to buy a new machete, or a new pair of shoes,

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do you have to ask Shitoah for that money?

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Does that ever bother you? I mean, you're working as hard as she is.

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One issue that would certainly cause a disagreement

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in most societies is that the children here

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inherit the mother's surname rather than the father's.

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For many men, especially here in India,

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this would surely be a step too far.

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SINGING

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Bah Lung seems not only to accept the Khasi way,

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but actually to be happy that his wife holds the purse strings

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and that it's her name that's passed on to their children.

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There's a real sense of... kind of, identity, I think.

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He's such a deeply respectful man.

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Respectful of his family, respectful of his wife, but more than anything,

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respectful of the culture that he comes from.

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And absolutely...

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..feels that upholding the matrilineal tradition

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is right at the heart of what it means to be Khasi.

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This is the dry season.

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There's nothing dry about it.

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I'm fascinated by the dynamic between men and women here

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and, in a way, it's the men's role that I'm finding the most difficult

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to understand.

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But whereas the husband of the Khatduh

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doesn't seem to have much of a say in family matters,

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there are men in the community who do have influence.

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Bah Lung's brother-in-law is Bah Bring,

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one of Kongthong's soothsayers.

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Whilst much of India is predominantly Hindu,

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the majority of Khasis have embraced Christianity,

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but they also still practice their own religion -

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Ka Niam Khasi.

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Soothsayers claim to read signs contained in eggs

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and animal entrails, and be able to help the sick.

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Bah Bring is seeking approval from the Khasi god, U Blei,

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about the appointment of a new village elder.

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I'm slightly disappointed to see no women involved in this practice.

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Like tribal councils the world over, there are only men here,

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responsible for the community's administration.

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The soothsayer's wife is Shidiap Shitoah's elder sister.

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When you have these prayers, it's only men.

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I'm surprised by that in a society that values women so much.

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Overall, the Khasi system does seem to be harmonious

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in its sharing of duties between men and women.

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OK.

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There are clear roles here based on ancient traditions.

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Khasi men still claim responsibility for politics

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and administration,

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but women work alongside them in the fields.

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OK. Yeah.

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And they are in charge of the family finances and property.

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They're the sustaining force of the family lineage

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as guardians of the surname.

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I'm ready. I'll race you up the hill!

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LAUGHTER

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It seems, so far, this is a great place to be a woman.

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Before I leave Kongthong, Bah Bring, Bah Lung,

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and some of their friends are taking me on a final trek

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down into the valley.

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They're on their way to repair a bridge.

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Oh, my goodness.

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Look at that.

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Wow, what a piece of architecture!

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I think that's the most beautiful bridge I've ever seen.

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This is a traditional living root bridge,

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made out of the roots of two rubber trees that have been trained

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over the centuries to grow across river below.

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How safe is it?

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Oh, my God!

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It's quite scary.

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My heart's going like the clappers!

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It's like a, sort of, giant basket work up here.

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The bridge once provided a vital trade link to neighbouring villages,

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but today business relies on the many roads

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that have been constructed across these hills.

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What a beautiful thing though.

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Amazing.

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As the modern world creeps ever closer,

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I'm keen to know what these men think the future holds

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for their unusual way of life.

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It does feel like you're in the presence of a really equal society...

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..and that's so rare.

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So, to me, it feels really precious.

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It doesn't feel like an antiquated, outdated system.

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It feels very current,

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very timely.

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The big unanswered and, at the moment unanswerable question,

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is that although the matrilineal system

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seems absolutely unshakeable and rock-solid,

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now is the time that the first generation of young people

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from this village are going and getting a broader education

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and that, I think, is going to be the thing that will really...

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..potentially, throw out of balance

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this seemingly quite Utopian way of living.

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I'm back in Shillong, 40 miles and a world away from the village.

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Shillong was once a British hill station at the time of the Raj.

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Today it's a hub for education and is embracing Western culture.

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Two-thirds of the population here is Khasi.

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It does feel different from much of India.

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Women can hang out with men without stigma,

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they can enjoy social mobility as there's no caste system,

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and there's no system of dowry or arranged marriage.

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This is Iewduh market

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and here it's the women who run most of the stalls.

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From owning small shops to large businesses,

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from teaching to being a doctor,

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Khasi culture allows women to aspire to pursue careers.

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I've been told there's a woman here, a Khatduh,

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who's fulfilling a role most people would assume

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is very much a man's job.

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D Marngar is a police inspector.

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Flying, flying, Romeo-One.

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The inspector's in charge of one of the largest

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of Shillong's seven traffic districts...

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..and she's taking me out on patrol.

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You're like a very strict headmistress.

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To become the head of this department...

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..as a woman, did you...

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do you think you had to work harder than your male counterparts

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to prove that you were capable of the job?

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As dusk falls and rush hour arrives...

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..the traffic gets even busier.

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CARS TOOT THEIR HORNS

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Like many Khasi women,

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the inspector balances her career

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with her responsibilities as a Khatduh

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and as a mother.

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Did you have support from your husband, your family?

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Did they help you look after the children?

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What do you mean by that?

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Sorry.

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Despite the abuse, the inspector stayed with her husband

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and had two more children.

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Do you think your husband was somehow jealous

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that you were doing well in your professional life

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and also, because, as you say, you are the Khatduh,

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you were the person who owned the property?

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Finally, the inspector did divorce her husband.

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We tried to contact him to get his side of the story,

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but were unable to track him down.

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Do you or your children

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have any contact with your husband at all any more?

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India has been cited as one of the most dangerous countries

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to be a woman and domestic abuse is widespread.

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But at least here in Meghalaya,

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women like the inspector can stand up to their abusers and can divorce,

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which would be unthinkable for many women in the rest of India.

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The inspector is...

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She's a remarkable woman.

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To come out of that situation intact,

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and not just intact but a woman with an extraordinary career...

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..that's pretty astounding.

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And seeing her out here, I mean...

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I don't know what constitutes a traffic violation in Shillong -

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everything looks like a traffic violation to me.

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But she fiercely marches into the traffic like Boadicea...

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..and sorts everybody out.

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Although the inspector's story is shocking,

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her education, job and independent wealth have allowed her to recover

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and bring up her family.

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But what happens to Khasi women who haven't been educated

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or who don't have family wealth behind them?

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The inspector told me there are many single mothers in Shillong

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and, just like in the rest of India, in Meghalaya state,

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despite the matrilineal system,

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there's been a rise in crimes against women.

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So I'm meeting Dala Nongpiur,

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a Khatduh, a mother and a career woman,

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who's going to help me understand

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what's causing this growing problem.

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You know, like, for a man to leave his wife and children,

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go on to another woman, have children,

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then maybe move on to a third woman - that happens as well.

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There is definitely a very high number of single mothers here.

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It's more common for Khasi couples to cohabit rather than marry,

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so it's all too easy for the men just to walk away

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with no sense of responsibility for the children

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who bear their mother's family name.

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But is there no law or system

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to make those men pay some sort of support

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for their children?

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This is where it gets a little complicated.

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Because of the matrilineal system, the children belong to the mother -

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-to the mother's family.

-They take the mother's name, don't they?

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They take mother's name.

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And so some men have claimed that we don't have a right

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even to our own children,

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and so they kind of feel free to just leave them.

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And there is a law, of course,

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that a man has to pay a certain amount of maintenance,

0:36:100:36:13

but a lot of women do not claim that.

0:36:130:36:17

Presumably, if they're educated,

0:36:170:36:20

and they can have good jobs, like the inspector,

0:36:200:36:24

it's not necessarily a problem.

0:36:240:36:26

There's no stigma to being a single mother, is there?

0:36:260:36:29

There is no stigma, but not all women are educated,

0:36:290:36:32

not all women are well-off enough,

0:36:320:36:35

and a lot of them feel a certain amount of shame

0:36:350:36:38

in asking from the father

0:36:380:36:41

to actually go to a man who has abandoned you

0:36:410:36:45

and ask for money from him. To some of them, it amounts to begging.

0:36:450:36:49

A lot of them would...

0:36:490:36:51

..go as domestic help. That is one thing, you know?

0:36:520:36:55

They go to wash clothes, clean up the house

0:36:550:36:57

for the other more well-to-do families.

0:36:570:37:00

And I also know of girls who have entered sex work

0:37:000:37:06

as an option to feed their families.

0:37:060:37:09

Gosh, that's quite a chink

0:37:090:37:11

in your matrilineal Utopian system, isn't it?

0:37:110:37:13

Yes. Not so Utopian.

0:37:130:37:15

Yeah.

0:37:150:37:17

Wow.

0:37:180:37:19

So, we go down there.

0:37:210:37:23

Dala's taking me to meet a group of single mothers

0:37:240:37:27

who've had to resort to sex work to survive.

0:37:270:37:30

Go ahead. Go ahead.

0:37:300:37:31

-Stop?

-Yeah. No, no, no. Just 20 metres before them.

0:37:310:37:34

Stop.

0:37:370:37:40

According to a charity that works with these women in Shillong,

0:37:460:37:50

of the 408 active sex workers here,

0:37:500:37:53

320 are single mothers.

0:37:530:37:57

Why did you end up working as a prostitute?

0:37:570:38:02

I'm the youngest of six. I'm the Khatduh.

0:38:030:38:06

My father passed away.

0:38:060:38:08

They've asked to be kept anonymous and we've changed their voices.

0:38:090:38:13

And then my mother got ill,

0:38:140:38:16

so I had to drop out of school and return home.

0:38:160:38:19

But then my husband left me when I was pregnant.

0:38:200:38:23

Do you think that there's anything about...

0:38:240:38:29

..Khasi society, perhaps the matrilineal system,

0:38:300:38:34

that makes men feel

0:38:340:38:37

that they are allowed to just walk away

0:38:370:38:41

from their responsibilities?

0:38:410:38:43

It's the men who are at fault in most of these cases.

0:38:440:38:46

If they actually took proper care of us, we wouldn't have to do this.

0:38:460:38:50

I did other jobs, like making street food,

0:38:500:38:53

working until one o'clock in the morning,

0:38:530:38:56

but then I had to get up at six in the morning

0:38:560:38:58

to get my child ready for school.

0:38:580:39:00

But it was just too exhausting.

0:39:000:39:03

I can't get a proper job.

0:39:030:39:05

This is my only option.

0:39:050:39:07

You're all Khasi women.

0:39:080:39:11

You come from a very...

0:39:110:39:13

erm, ancient...tradition.

0:39:130:39:17

Would any of you like to see it change?

0:39:170:39:20

I think things need to change.

0:39:210:39:24

Let the men bear more responsibility.

0:39:240:39:27

Maybe the children can take their father's surname.

0:39:280:39:31

If they had his surname, I think he'd be around a lot more.

0:39:310:39:35

It is the husband's duty to support the family, even if he leaves.

0:39:370:39:42

Men come and live with us, but when they see we are not well-off...

0:39:430:39:48

..they feel they have more freedom to walk all over us.

0:39:490:39:53

These are tragic stories

0:40:060:40:08

and, to be honest, not what I expected

0:40:080:40:11

from what I thought was such an equal society.

0:40:110:40:14

But it seems that the system here is disenfranchising men

0:40:140:40:18

and that's having a serious impact on both sexes.

0:40:180:40:22

The problem with the Khasi society, where the women are right up there

0:40:230:40:27

and the men are way down,

0:40:270:40:29

this little gap is increasing day by day...

0:40:290:40:33

..and it scares the wits out of us.

0:40:340:40:37

Keith Parriott set up a men's campaign group in 1990.

0:40:380:40:42

It has a membership of 4,000

0:40:420:40:45

and has often been compared to a male suffragette movement.

0:40:450:40:49

The custom has given everything to the women.

0:40:500:40:54

They've given property to the women,

0:40:540:40:58

they've given the title of the children to the women.

0:40:580:41:00

Are you saying that because Khasi society

0:41:000:41:05

has this matrilineal system,

0:41:050:41:07

men are feeling increasingly inferior to women?

0:41:070:41:13

Khasi men feel absolutely unwanted.

0:41:130:41:17

They feel absolutely useless in society.

0:41:170:41:20

We do feel inadequate...

0:41:200:41:23

Right.

0:41:230:41:24

..when we compare ourselves to the women.

0:41:240:41:27

There are males dropping out from school - males students.

0:41:270:41:31

There are males who are into drugs and alcohol.

0:41:310:41:34

Males who have no responsibility on their shoulders.

0:41:340:41:38

What's wrong with Khasi men? Don't they need to just grow a backbone?

0:41:380:41:41

Well, I would say yes,

0:41:410:41:44

but the system has...

0:41:440:41:47

been bearing down on them for so long

0:41:470:41:50

that they've lost their backbone.

0:41:500:41:52

I would ideally...

0:41:530:41:56

love a system that gives importance to both men and women.

0:41:560:42:00

-Right.

-OK?

0:42:000:42:02

I would attempt to bring a change.

0:42:020:42:05

It's not that we hate women,

0:42:050:42:08

it's not that we want to be ahead of them,

0:42:080:42:11

it's not that we want to be the leaders and they the followers, no.

0:42:110:42:14

We want to pick the men up from the gutter, where they are,

0:42:140:42:18

so that they become more respectable as people.

0:42:180:42:20

Unlike up in the villages,

0:42:250:42:28

so many relationships here in Shillong seem to be fracturing.

0:42:280:42:32

Clearly, men are struggling,

0:42:320:42:34

but is it really the Khasi tradition that's at fault?

0:42:340:42:38

Khraw was happily married to a Khatduh for 14 years,

0:42:450:42:51

but recently things have started to go wrong for him,

0:42:510:42:54

his wife and their four children.

0:42:540:42:57

Khraw's wife had to fulfil her duties as the youngest daughter

0:43:320:43:37

and move away from Shillong, back to her family home.

0:43:370:43:41

So, effectively, your wife...

0:43:420:43:46

..because she's the Khatduh, was forced to make a decision.

0:43:470:43:53

She had to choose either her duty as a Khatduh...

0:43:540:43:58

..or to abandon that duty...

0:43:590:44:04

..and keep her marriage alive?

0:44:050:44:08

But she wasn't able to do both?

0:44:090:44:11

It took Khraw many years to get his job as a porter

0:44:330:44:36

in one of Shillong's busiest hospitals.

0:44:360:44:39

A state job like this, although not well paid,

0:44:410:44:44

gives him a sense of pride.

0:44:440:44:46

But as a Khasi man,

0:44:480:44:50

you presumably knew that by marrying a Khatduh,

0:44:500:44:55

this situation was probably going to arise at some point.

0:44:550:44:59

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:45:410:45:42

And then, an unexpected guest arrives.

0:45:450:45:48

So his wife has come with one of the kids?

0:45:520:45:54

Hello, there.

0:46:000:46:02

Hello. Lovely to meet you.

0:46:020:46:04

It would be really interesting to have your point of view as well

0:46:050:46:11

but, obviously, only if you had time,

0:46:110:46:13

and you were happy to talk to me.

0:46:130:46:15

Do you feel that,

0:46:240:46:27

as the Khatduh...

0:46:270:46:29

..you were put in...

0:46:310:46:33

..almost an unfair situation?

0:46:340:46:37

So when Khraw made his decision

0:46:570:47:01

to stay in Shillong

0:47:010:47:03

and not come and live with you in your mother's house...

0:47:030:47:08

..what did you think? Did you understand his decision?

0:47:090:47:13

Do you think he has...

0:47:330:47:35

..let you down?

0:47:360:47:38

And would you like to be together with Khraw?

0:48:140:48:17

I'm going to let you have a moment.

0:48:270:48:29

The story of Khraw and Ritilang

0:48:500:48:52

seems to be at the heart of the problem here,

0:48:520:48:55

when relationships break down because of the clash between

0:48:550:48:59

the duty of tradition and the pressure of the modern way of life.

0:48:590:49:03

You know, this is a time of transition.

0:49:050:49:08

Erm, people are beginning to see that, perhaps,

0:49:080:49:12

the old ways don't work quite so well...

0:49:120:49:15

in this modern era, particularly, perhaps, in urban areas.

0:49:150:49:21

I'd hate to see the matrilineal system swept away

0:49:230:49:27

just because in the modern world it can't be made to work for men.

0:49:270:49:31

It's my last day in Shillong

0:49:370:49:40

and I've been invited to dinner at the inspector's home

0:49:400:49:44

to meet her eldest son, David,

0:49:440:49:46

and the youngest daughter, Rosabelle -

0:49:460:49:49

the family's next Khatduh.

0:49:490:49:51

At last I get to meet you. Hello. I'm Kate.

0:49:540:49:57

She's in the middle of her final exams at university.

0:49:570:50:00

I've come to help chop.

0:50:000:50:02

Her ambition is to become a judge.

0:50:020:50:05

-Here are the onions.

-Here are the onions, OK.

0:50:050:50:08

You see, this is already surprisingly me -

0:50:080:50:11

that David is the one that's in charge of the cooking.

0:50:110:50:14

Is this always true?

0:50:140:50:16

Yes, yes, it's true. Don't...

0:50:160:50:18

If he's saying it's true, I have to agree with him.

0:50:180:50:21

-Don't hesitate.

-Yes, it's true.

0:50:210:50:24

As a member of the new generation that's been educated

0:50:240:50:27

and brought up in a modern city,

0:50:270:50:30

it's great to get Rosabelle's perspective

0:50:300:50:32

on what she sees as the future of Khasi life.

0:50:320:50:36

How much do you think your ambitions

0:50:370:50:41

are connected to the fact that

0:50:410:50:45

not only do you have an extraordinary mother

0:50:450:50:48

and you've been very lucky to have an education,

0:50:480:50:51

but also that you come from the Khasi tradition?

0:50:510:50:54

I don't think if I was born in some other part of India

0:50:540:50:58

I would even have the courage of aiming so high

0:50:580:51:01

and I don't even think I would have the courage

0:51:010:51:04

of expecting people to respect my ambitions,

0:51:040:51:07

because men respect women in a matrilineal society,

0:51:070:51:10

unlike in other parts.

0:51:100:51:12

But, do they, though? I've had really mixed experiences.

0:51:120:51:17

You know, I've seen both sides.

0:51:170:51:19

-I mean, your mum's story...

-Sorry, I have to interrupt.

0:51:190:51:22

-That's enough, Kate.

-That's enough? OK.

0:51:220:51:25

It doesn't make you immune from some of the awful things

0:51:250:51:29

that can happen.

0:51:290:51:30

And equally, I've heard from, you know, from some men,

0:51:300:51:35

that they feel somehow that they don't have a role.

0:51:350:51:39

And in a funny sort of way,

0:51:390:51:41

they would say that's why they're more disrespectful to women.

0:51:410:51:45

If we don't make it flexible,

0:51:450:51:48

if we don't let people know that there are rooms for improvement

0:51:480:51:51

and there is scope for change,

0:51:510:51:54

the Khasi tradition will face the crisis of passing into oblivion,

0:51:540:51:59

the threat of being substituted by a patrilineal society,

0:51:590:52:03

so making it flexible is very important.

0:52:030:52:05

She's right.

0:52:050:52:07

I agree with what she said.

0:52:070:52:09

It doesn't need to be a patrilineal society to take up responsibility.

0:52:090:52:14

Once you are a father, you have a responsibility over...

0:52:150:52:20

For your children, for your wife, for your family...

0:52:210:52:24

for everybody.

0:52:240:52:26

And what improvements would you make?

0:52:260:52:28

How do you think the system could be adapted...

0:52:280:52:32

to make it work...

0:52:320:52:35

in a more sophisticated urban environment like Shillong?

0:52:350:52:39

In order to avoid friction and to make men, the male children,

0:52:390:52:43

feel that they have an equal status in society,

0:52:430:52:46

the parents would distribute their property maybe equally,

0:52:460:52:50

or not give everything to just one person,

0:52:500:52:53

but give everybody equal share.

0:52:530:52:55

While the family agrees it's important to adapt the system

0:52:550:52:59

and share the wealth amongst the children,

0:52:590:53:02

Rosabelle's still adamant

0:53:020:53:04

that they should hold on to one key aspect of it.

0:53:040:53:08

I don't think the children should take the surname of their fathers

0:53:080:53:11

because, in that way, if...

0:53:110:53:14

this whole system will be converted to...

0:53:140:53:16

If you do away with it and just bring in the patrilineal system,

0:53:160:53:20

then there the crisis will emerge where the matrilineal society

0:53:200:53:25

will pass into oblivion.

0:53:250:53:26

What makes us different from all the people

0:53:260:53:30

in the entire country,

0:53:300:53:32

what makes the north-eastern part different

0:53:320:53:34

is the very fact that we have the matrilineal society

0:53:340:53:37

and I'm very, very proud of that.

0:53:370:53:39

I don't think we should, you know, change the passing of surname,

0:53:390:53:43

but just adjustments when it comes to inheritance of property.

0:53:430:53:46

-It's done.

-It's done?

-Yes.

0:53:480:53:50

It's a really clean, lovely smell.

0:53:500:53:55

You get the smell of the pepper, you get the smell of the ginger,

0:53:550:53:59

you get the smell of the chilli.

0:53:590:54:01

You can smell all those lovely individual flavours.

0:54:020:54:05

OK, I'm going to sit down and prepare myself.

0:54:070:54:10

-Careful. It's hot.

-Thank you.

0:54:100:54:12

-So, the moment of truth.

-The moment of truth!

0:54:120:54:14

That's delicious.

0:54:190:54:21

-That's really...

-She's just being nice!

0:54:220:54:24

Honestly.

0:54:240:54:25

No, I don't doubt his cooking.

0:54:250:54:27

-Did your mother teach you this dish?

-Yes.

0:54:270:54:30

That's another thing you've done, inspector. How do you do it?!

0:54:300:54:33

You control all the traffic in Shillong,

0:54:330:54:36

you have the most amazing children and you teach them to cook!

0:54:360:54:40

Oh, it's lovely.

0:54:420:54:44

That is so good and it's spicy!

0:54:520:54:54

-But lovely spicy, isn't it? It's a really clean...

-It's really good.

0:54:550:54:59

-I should start learning.

-I think you should start learning.

0:55:000:55:03

LAUGHTER

0:55:030:55:05

Over my time here,

0:55:190:55:21

equality is a word that's come back again and again.

0:55:210:55:25

Yes, there are problems here, like in most societies,

0:55:250:55:29

and the pressures of tradition and duty weigh heavy at times.

0:55:290:55:33

But despite those very real issues, it does feel that overall

0:55:330:55:38

this is a fairer place for both men and women.

0:55:380:55:42

They are a very, kind of, forward-thinking people

0:55:430:55:47

and everybody, from Bah Lung and Shitoah in the village,

0:55:470:55:52

through to the extraordinary Rosabelle,

0:55:520:55:56

the inspector's younger daughter,

0:55:560:55:58

they all understand that, you know, things are changing

0:55:580:56:02

and the matrilineal system is going to need to change too.

0:56:020:56:07

It doesn't mean that the women here are immune

0:56:090:56:13

from abandonment by husbands or immune from domestic abuse,

0:56:130:56:18

or indeed any of the things that can be inflicted on women

0:56:180:56:22

anywhere else in the world,

0:56:220:56:24

but it does mean that they have a sense of self assurance

0:56:240:56:29

and confidence.

0:56:290:56:31

And when you come to a country where that is quite unusual,

0:56:310:56:35

you realise that...

0:56:350:56:37

that is a very positive thing.

0:56:370:56:40

So maybe we should look at this place,

0:56:400:56:43

one of the last remaining matrilineal societies in the world,

0:56:430:56:47

and learn from it

0:56:470:56:49

about what can happen when you give women independence

0:56:490:56:53

and instil in them a strong sense of worth.

0:56:530:56:57

When you have empowered women,

0:56:570:57:00

you have a society that feels a lot fairer,

0:57:000:57:03

that feels like it works better,

0:57:030:57:06

and surely, surely, that can only be a good thing?

0:57:060:57:10

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