Episode 1 Operation Meet the Street

You can be surrounded by people but still be isolated.

Many of us living in cities haven't a clue who our neighbours are,

let alone be able to call on them for support.

There may be a lot of people in a city

but more people doesn't necessarily mean more people to talk to.

If I can just encourage people to come out from behind closed doors

a bit, find a bit of time for those around them,

I'm sure friendships will forge.

My secret weapon is Olympic athlete Denise Lewis,

who grew up in Wolverhampton.

She even has the freedom of the city.

I'm hoping that bringing her back to her old stomping ground

will bring back a few memories.

It is a great open space, though.

It is a great open space. And I just ran everywhere. I loved running.

And who knows? She may even recognise a few faces.

So, I bet this brings back memories.

-Oh, man, I can't believe it.

-This is your street.

-Wow!

Well, certainly the one that you were brought up on.

Yeah, I mean, this is where it started, I guess.

Now, the streets are similar wherever you go down here.

-Do you see it's changed much over the years, or...?

-Not at all.

I mean, it's hard.

I think I left about 1980, around there, and I haven't been back since.

So, was it just you and your mum living here, then? Tell me about your childhood.

Yeah, just me and my mum and my little cat.

-So, how on earth did you get into athletics?

-Ha-ha! Oh, I don't know.

My mum was five foot one, and I think I used to have to run

alongside her, because she just marches and power-walks everywhere.

I don't know.

I think athletics, for me, was the 1980 Moscow Olympics,

which I had watched on the television on this street

and I fell in love with the whole occasion.

But you lived just here.

Oh, my goodness!

-What's that like, seeing it again?

-Just...

Just really strange, really weird.

I used to play, have you heard of Kerby?

Remember the game with the ball?

I used to live in a village. What's Kerby?

So, you'd get your ball and you'd get points, you would score points,

if you hit the face of the kerb, and you would throw it

from the opposite side of the street and try and hit the kerb.

Gosh. You haven't lived!

I lived on a pig farm. I can tell you that I haven't lived, trust me!

Yeah, but the idea of this,

and the idea of what I want you to do today, is to gather

some of that community by knocking on a few doors, all right?

Now, I've got a few people that I'm going to meet as well.

And the idea being to really get that community spirit back

-together again. Something that I think we've lost, also.

-Yeah.

So I want you to knock on a few doors.

-I'm going to go see a few people. And I'll see you later.

-All right.

The truth is, most of us

will experience loneliness at some stage in our life.

It's an emotion that, however painful, we need to deal with.

Like all emotions, it's there for a reason. It's a feeling.

And we can use feelings

a little bit like warning lights on a dashboard.

Now, when you've got a warning light flashing on your dashboard saying

you need to fill up with petrol,

what you don't do is take out the bulb.

What you do is listen to it and do something about it.

So that's what the feeling is for.

It's telling you that something is wrong

and you need to take action to make it not wrong.

To know who we are, we are reflected back in each other.

We act as a sort of personal mirror for each other.

I know I'm here, because you're talking to me.

And if I'm talking to myself, and there's nothing coming back,

it's almost like I'm wandering around without a map.

There's no-one to reassure me I am who I am.

Some may choose to be alone, but solitude and loneliness

are two very different things.

There are different types of loneliness, too.

A physical loneliness where people may have very little contact

with others, and emotional loneliness where a person may know

lots of people, but feel that nobody really relates to them.

Jules has lived in Wolverhampton all of her life.

She is divorced and has no children.

But despite having an active work life, she feels empty inside.

So, Jules, tell me about yourself.

I grew up in quite a secure family environment

-with three older brothers.

-Are your brothers still around?

-They are.

They've all got their different lives, though.

I maybe see my one brother, Danny.

He's 20 years older than me, so he's 70.

So you can work out how old I am from that!

And I see him pretty much every day.

Tell me about your parents.

Boating family.

Born and raised on the canals.

And I had my mum most of my life until 2009.

Because you lost your dad at a young age,

you depend on your mum a lot more.

I did, yeah, I did do.

She was my best friend, my mum.

She gave substance to my life.

She loved me unconditionally.

And accepted me, warts and all.

Tell me the circumstances around your mum.

Mum had dementia.

She was 86.

When she passed away in 2009, I had nothing else to move on to,

to reshape and reform my life.

And my life was in just a different dimension altogether.

When you're by yourself, your thoughts do race.

And do those thoughts change as you get older?

Yeah, because it makes you think of your own mortality

and where you are, and your place in the world.

And what you've done.

It is more night times and weekends,

your demons, you know, your thoughts.

I don't think it's a midlife crisis.

I think you're missing those opportunities

that other people seem to have had.

And you do think, why haven't I had those opportunities?

It sounds like you could feel sorry for yourself.

You know? Maybe I do. But why not?

Why shouldn't people feel sorry for themselves, in a way?

You just feel like you've disappeared, somehow.

You say that you feel like you've disappeared. What do you mean?

At the end of the working day,

when I get in my car, you're left with yourself.

You're left with your own thoughts.

There's nobody to go home to.

And you take that for granted, having somebody there.

It is not like you are co-dependent and you are relying on them.

But I think it's, it's just to do with...

..love, actually.

And that's what you feel's missing,

is having a significant other in your life,

with you.

You feel like you've dissolved,

that you're not,

you're trying to find something tangible, somebody to go to.

It's just a feeling as though you don't want to be here any more.

You see, the story of Jules is actually quite fascinating.

It could happen to anybody, your friend,

your next-door neighbour, anybody that you meet on the street.

Because, on the outside, they seem normal,

they seem content in their life, because they keep themselves busy.

But let's face it, loneliness can happen to us all.

Do we really care what happens next door?

Do we really understand what happens over the road?

Meeting Jules has really got me thinking.

I always believed that loneliness was an issue for older people

but now I've met Jules, someone who's in her 50s, I'm realising

that it's more widespread than I could have imagined.

This week, I want to make sure that as well as meeting

and introducing people to each other,

we can create some contacts that are longer-term and rewarding.

I'm convinced that behind every door is a great story

just waiting to be told or listened to, and I really hope

we can bring the right people together.

-Ah! There is someone home!

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello! How long have you been living here?

-Since 1969. That's right, yes.

-That is a long while.

-It is a long while.

-You was pretty small.

-You remember me?

-Of course I do. DENISE LAUGHS

-And how long have you been here?

-For six years.

-Six years?

-Yeah, yeah.

-How long have you been here?

-I've only been here nine months.

-Nine months? In England? Wow!

-Here, about two months.

And happy in here?

Yeah, so far, so good.

I heard a big dog.

Hello! Are you all right? I'm Denise.

-Nice to meet you.

-Absolutely delighted.

I don't know how long you've actually lived here.

21 years. Just over 21 years.

-Do you know a lot of people on the street?

-No.

I know my neighbours. Across.

She's a very nice woman. We are getting along well.

-You get on well?

-Yeah.

-Well, that's nice.

She says I'm a good tenant, a good neighbour.

A good neighbour. Yes.

How well do you know your neighbours?

Pretty well, to be honest with you.

I used to run a Neighbourhood Watch scheme

about seven or eight years ago

and sort of interacted with all the neighbours

both sides, all up and down, I speak to everybody.

On the surface, all seems well, but as Denise probes a little deeper...

So how do you find the street?

-Quiet? Friendly?

-Quiet.

50-50.

-Yes, no.

-Yes and no?

There's some people who do keep themselves to themselves

and just try to sort of bring those out of their shells but it's not easy at all.

Some people that's on the street are unwilling, really.

And are there still a lot of elderly people on the street?

No, that seems to have changed over the last,

over the last 15 years or so.

Well, the neighbours that I was familiar with passed away.

But still, a few are still here.

And we say hello to each other

and we have a little conversation whenever possible.

When I first came here there was a bad press about it.

But I thought it was... It's a nice community. It's good.

-Friendly?

-Yeah. Very friendly.

And as Denise discovers, some of the residents do have needs

that could be resolved by just communicating with each other.

I've been living here and the wife passed away in December.

Why did you stay?

My roots is here,

and I'm going to stay.

Because the wife...

Well, it's a long time.

I like relating with people. I mean...

I don't enjoy being shut up here on my own most of the time.

So do you feel on your own here?

I'm getting a sense that you feel a bit on your own.

-A lot of the time.

-A lot of the time.

Though at some point I had the right-hand side weakness -

that's from January, I'm still being treated at the moment...

But though I can't really do the stairs and all that, my daughter helps me.

I was going to say I don't have a telly. I don't have a telly, and um...

I think

sometimes you want somebody around you want to talk to and things like that.

If I go to the allotment and nothing to do, I sit in a little shed

and read my paper.

And pass the time away, you know.

There's loads to be gained from knitting this community together.

They just need a bit of a helping hand to get things started.

If you are around today, it would be lovely for you to come along to the tenants' meeting room

-and meet some of the residents that go there daily.

-OK.

-Yeah?

-Brilliant. See you at four o'clock, then.

-See you later. Bye-bye.

-And really meet the street.

-No problem.

-If you're free, I'd love you to come and meet some of the residents.

-Yeah, sure. Not a problem at all.

See you later. Thank you.

-Oh, thank you so much.

-Brilliant.

-All right.

-See you shortly.

-All right.

-Thank you.

Denise has made a fantastic start to bring people closer together.

But I want to get a better grasp of what is happening in today's communities.

I also wonder if that thing we all call "community" just isn't as strong as it used to be.

Have we all become a little bit too selfish to care about others?

Because it's never really talked about,

we've sort of taken it for granted that relationships just happen.

And I'm not just talking about relationships between two partners,

I'm talking about all relationships.

All the myriad of

acquaintance and relationship you get in a community.

I think we've taken that for granted.

And we've been looking at other goals, other than

how we all support each other. We've been chasing status.

You know, what job we do.

We've been chasing wealth. We've been shopping...

You know, we're buying our friends, we're collecting them

like postage stamps, if you think of things like Facebook and Twitter.

It's all about numbers. It's all about quantity and not quality.

And I think

this sort of unspoken belief system that seems to be taking society over

is causing a bit of a problem.

I think we need to get back to basics,

and really look after our connections.

There's a real sense of transition on this street -

a lot of older generations that have been here for maybe

up to 50 years, versus a lot of new families moving into the area.

And there's a little bit of a disconnection,

which I want to try and make a change,

and that's what I'm hoping we'll be able to do later on today.

I'm convinced that pulling the community together can only be a good thing.

But for some people, their loneliness is so deep,

a cup of tea and just a chat won't fix it.

Longing for someone to talk to must be a desperate feeling.

But having someone close, and then losing them, is hard to get over.

Grief is something that hits us all in different ways.

And when your lifelong partner dies, sometimes nothing can fill the gap.

'Yuna moved to the UK from Jamaica over 50 years ago,

'and has had many happy years living in Wolverhampton,

'bringing up her six children with her husband.

'Recently, she's been widowed,

'and is struggling with living alone.'

Tell me about your late husband.

When I go out, if I'm on the street, go shopping or anything,

it's like he knew when I was coming, he would get the kettle on,

and he would say, "Here you are."

I said, "How do you know that?" He says, "I can sense you coming."

He was a very kind gentleman, he was a nice man. He looked after me.

What is it that you really miss?

I miss the company.

Even just to have a kiss,

or put your arm around him.

I miss that a lot. Because he was a good cuddler.

'It's been 18 months since Yuna's husband died.

'But her loneliness is as intense as ever.'

Is it particularly evenings that you struggle with?

Daytime is bad,

but night-time it's worse.

It's really bad at night.

Cos he would sit there, and I'm sitting here,

and I'd be here reading,

and we talk in the meantime.

So it's like, coming in here now...

I hardly ever used it,

because it was too much to sit in here by myself.

So I'd sit in the kitchen instead.

I just feel as if,

oh...

It's so empty, the house. It's as if you talk and you can hear the echo.

'Even with family and friends nearby,

'Yuna has found it hard to cope with her grief.'

You have no reason to go on.

There's no reason in your life any more.

It's like you've got no reason to even cook, or eat.

It's like, "What am I living for?"

You know. So, it's like... a big void.

Like...

I can't even explain, it's emptiness that's inside you. It's hollow.

Nobody can tell you how it feels. Really feels.

Cos there's no word to express it.

Everything is just dark.

As if you're going through a tunnel.

And you're never going to see the end...

of the tunnel. It's just dark. Everything is closed in on you.

And you're just going, going, going and there's no way out.

It's really difficult listening to stories from Yuna,

and to really see the heartbreak that she's going through,

and I've got to be honest - right now I haven't got an answer.

If indeed there ever could be an answer.

One thing I do know about Yuna is that she is active in her church.

She can cook, sew and is a wonderful,

warm person with a big heart.

Nothing, of course, could bring back Yuna's husband or fill that hole

she keeps telling me about.

But I reckon Yuna could also help other people.

And that just might do her some good too.

There are numerous charities around the UK that are involved with

loneliness and its effects.

So our intention is to bring together some of those organisations

and as many locals as Denise managed to rustle up this morning.

Well, I've done all the door knocking I could possibly do today.

Let's just hope everyone turns up.

And what better place to meet than their local community centre,

run by Ann Guest MBE?

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Ann? I'm Denise.

-It is. Hello, Denise.

-So this really is like the hub of the community.

-Yes.

It's quite impressive. I don't actually remember it being here.

Cos I lived here.

-It wasn't here.

-It wasn't?

-No, this was opened in 1994.

Ah. Oh, wow!

-This is bigger than I thought.

-We really need this sort of place

for the elderly, really. There's a lot of loneliness out there.

You've got them out of their shell, in here.

We don't turn anybody away, you know, we welcome whoever they are.

And we're still going, 20 years on.

So we're doing something right, are we not?

-You've really created a sense of legacy and ownership.

-Yes.

-And a lot of people got involved in this.

-Oh, they did.

-The community wanted it.

-Very much so. Never been vandalised, ever.

Now that says something to me, doesn't it?

Because the community were involved, everybody round here were involved.

And why do you do it? What, why... What drives you

-to be here every day?

-Well, I do care for people.

And I don't like seeing people who are lonely and sad.

Cos as you get older you lose your friends, don't you?

So, yes, I'm here to help people, with my team.

And I'll tell you now, I love it here, you know.

Because there's a lot of security.

And everybody looks out for everybody else.

Some charities like Silver Line are designed specifically to

combat loneliness but sometimes loneliness is a symptom

of other issues. It could be a lack of confidence or motivation.

And sometimes getting involved in a charity that helps others can

make a huge difference to your own circumstances.

Changing Lives is a national charity and I've invited them

along with other local organisations today to meet some of the residents.

So, Nicola, tell me about the organisation.

I work for a national charity called Changing Lives.

We support vulnerable people, thousands of vulnerable people

every month to make positive changes in their lives.

We offer a space for women to come in, develop friendships,

to access new activities, new groups -

whether that's a shared community lunch where people are sitting

and eating together and sharing their experiences.

Whether it's a parent and toddler group,

whether it's a confidence-building group, whether it's a group

that are looking at rewriting their CVs to help them get back into work.

And here in Wolverhampton you kind of pinpoint a certain group -

-women, particularly.

-Yeah, we're a women's centre in Wolverhampton

and, for us, we're that space where women can come in,

start to make changes which then go back and influence the rest of their

families and their communities. But 99% of what we do in the centre

is targeting women and their families.

Nicola's come to the event

which seems to be filling up rather nicely.

-Nice to meet you.

-Lovely to meet you.

We've been on the same street...

It's going really well in there. Everyone's talking, making friends.

Some meeting for the first time, which is brilliant.

So I'm going to go back in there.

-This is your son?

-Yes, Sebastian.

-Nice to meet you.

-Lovely to see you.

It was good for these guys to go, otherwise I wouldn't have known you.

No, it's true.

Right, this is my son and this is my wife.

You may have seen my wife before, I think you have.

I'm the guy you normally see walking down the street with a basketball.

-That's me.

-Yeah, I've seen you.

-I'm Gillian.

-Good to meet you.

-This is a serious turnout, isn't it?

-Look at that.

-It's been brilliant, really fantastic.

You've been knocking on a lot of doors, haven't you?

-I've done my best.

-What an amazing place.

-This is Ann.

-Ann?

-Ann.

-Nice to meet you, Ann.

-And she helps...

-You help run this place, don't you?

-I do.

-I've been meeting some people

on my journey. One in particular I want you to meet.

Because I think she'll benefit from this place amazingly well.

But also has some amazing skills that I think would benefit

-a lot of the people that come here.

-That's nice.

-Can I introduce you to her?

-You can, feel free.

-Follow me.

-Yuna, Ann. Now...

-Hello, Ann.

-Hello. Nice to meet you.

Introduce yourselves. You know, with your experience and stuff like that you might be able

-to help out here.

-Oh, yes, we have parties here.

-I'll leave you...

Yes, thank you.

It's really about finding what's going on for you -

where you want to go - and seeing if we can help support you with that.

And we offer volunteer opportunities as well. So if, you know,

you were interested in volunteering with families or children

-that might be something you'd be interested in developing.

-Sounds good, yeah.

It's all, "Do you like cake?" And if you tick "Yes", then you're in.

It's got to be a yes then, hasn't it?

-LAUGHTER Yeah, you're in.

-You don't know what's round the corner, really.

It's quite refreshing that there's still people out there,

you know, that are able to come together

and bring their skills together and their stories together.

Do you do music sessions and things like that as well?

Oh, that's a good one!

Yeah.

You can go to a folk night but it's nice if there's something during

-the day as well.

-That's a good idea. Jot it down!

Excellent. Thank you.

See, I can't sew. I couldn't...

If I sort of get the patchwork going, it could carry on

and then the next week...

And they won't be under pressure, would they?

-No, they take it home if they want to.

-Yes.

-They can leave it.

-That would be great.

And we'll have to set this up ASAP. I'm sure it would go down well.

-And I'm sure it would.

-OK.

-But we need your expertise, really.

LAUGHTER

-..covers, things like that.

-Cushions.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That room is buzzing at the moment.

-Oh...

And I haven't seen that before. It's just...

Yeah, an amazing atmosphere in there as well.

Yeah. There's one gentleman in there, I'm not sure if you've seen him -

but he's new and felt very much alone.

And I've just seen him chatting away, laughing.

So I think it's been a job well done.

We've not quite finished yet, so let's carry on.

On the surface, it appears to have been a great success

but how has Jules found meeting new people?

More than I expected really, it's been a fantastic opportunity.

It's easy to say that you are this island, that you are by yourself,

but when you meet other people and you listen to their situation,

it does put your life in perspective.

I sincerely hope that Jules benefits long term from this experience

and builds relationships from the people she has met here today.

And as for Yuna...

Well, she has already begun a new venture,

helping out at the very same centre.

-This is my own. I made it myself.

-Oh, this is nice.

-This is your personal...

-This is my personal, yes.

-Personal possession?

-Yes.

-Oh, this is nice.

-And this was sewn all by hand except for the stitches around it.

Now she's passing on her needlework skills to other

ladies from the local community at a patchwork-making class.

-You pinch the edges.

-Oh!

I'll try another one, I'll see if I find one a little bit bigger.

'They are very good girls to hang out with because they

'have different experience and some of them is not just lonely because

'they have lost loved ones but they are lonely because they are

'living on their own, they haven't got other relatives to be around.'

And they are people who travel as well. So we have a lot in common.

'It helps my loneliness a lot because I know I'm going out each day

'and I'm helping somebody along the way.'

Life is for living.

'My husband passed away, yes. But I'm still alive.

'I'm still here and it helps to'

cheer me as well.

Making me happy to know I'm doing something to help somebody.

-Oh, the green hotel along the way?

-Uh-huh.

That great big... Oh, I love that, it's gorgeous.

-Oh, you want to go there, girl.

-That's lovely.

'I will come back and help them'

because they won't know how to finish it, so...

And we want to see it on display.

So that would be nice.

My trip to Wolverhampton has taught me a lot.

-Firstly, loneliness can hit anyone.

-I think it's just to do with...

-..love, actually.

-Busy people who we come across every day in our lives

could be suffering from loneliness.

And we really don't know anything about it.

Nobody can tell you how it feels, really feels.

Cos there's no word to express it.

And just because people are lonely doesn't mean

they can't be great company, given the chance.