Nowhere to Go Protecting Our Parents

Evelyn has advanced dementia.

What are you looking for, Evelyn?

Money.

No, because you've got it in your pocket.

She's been in hospital for over two months

waiting for a place in a care home.

Evelyn, Evelyn?

Until one is found, she has nowhere else to go.

In the next 20 years,

the number of pensioners in Britain will grow by half.

I have to be honest with you. You can't go home.

I have to be honest with you, as well, I'm not stopping here.

For many, care at home won't be an option.

The stress and the pressure on you, are you going to be able to cope,

just you and John?

With places in care homes already in short supply...

You're not the only one who they're finding homes for.

There's nothing else, nothing else we can do for ya, nothing.

How will we continue to protect our parents?

Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham admits 100,000 patients each year.

Half are over 65.

That's it, come and sit on the bed, come and talk me.

78-year old John Pritchard came to Heartlands a week ago

following a fall at home.

Stop stressing now.

John's got dementia, getting towards the late stages,

and at this time, the wife is wondering

whether she'll be able to cope with him back at home.

Come on, what you getting all stressed about?

Time for...

I'll make sure you goes out searching and searching.

-You'll never find me again.

-Hey, come on.

Come on, Johnny. Come on.

The problem is, at home, his wife is his main carer.

She's got her own health issues and has been struggling to care for him.

Come on. You'll be going home soon, stop stressing.

-Where is everybody then?

-We're here.

-Where's the man?

Where's all that?

And they come down with a line. I want to go home.

Course you do. Well, you're going home soon.

Come on.

But, somehow, they've been managing

with only three calls a week from carers.

Come and sit down and talk to me.

And the daughter doesn't live anywhere near.

I don't know really how they've been coping

and I don't see how it's really safe for them both

to be under that kind of stress and pressure.

John's wife, Jean, and their daughter, Sue,

are here to discuss the next steps in his care.

I'm Kerry, social worker in the hospital.

So my job role is to support yourselves and John

through the discharge process and where he goes

and to make sure everything's going OK before I transfer his file.

Erm, I mean, I can go through the options, what there is, the options.

I mean, they are limited.

We've got the option, initially, of a care package at home.

What we can do is put in up to four calls a day in.

Watching somebody all day, 24 hours a day, whatever,

is not that hard to do if you're in the same house.

It's your husband so...

But the hardest part for me is the incontinence bit.

It's all right if you go for a wee because you can change

your drawers, no problem.

You do it out the other and the thing is you have to get 'em

to stand still while you try and change them.

And trying to keep him still, because I've had this experience,

he wants to walk away as soon as you take them off and you can't

wipe him properly because you're following him round the room

and I don't think I can cope with that on a permanent basis.

Then again when they come and change them,

if he has done one, I presume they would shower him?

Well, they don't tend to do showers on each...

If they come and he's been incontinent.

You know, for dignity, I can understand that you'd want him

changed when he's been incontinent

and not wait for maybe two hours for the carers to come to change him.

Some people do have to wait, you know, don't get me wrong,

people that haven't got family and that,

if they're incontinent they might have to wait up to four

hours for someone to change them. I know it's not very dignified.

No.

Erm, the only other options would be extra-care sheltered.

That would be the same.

We'd be looking at how many calls can be put in.

There's night-sitting service.

I appreciate you want to stay together

and it's a difficult decision to make, you know, at this time.

Erm, but the stress and the pressure on you in between the carers

coming in, is going to remain the same.

The only other options would be the longer-term care home.

I mean, if you want to go away and think about it

and make a decision as a family, that's fine,

I'm not pressuring you to make a decision at this time.

But I think, at the end of the day...

..you feel guilty, obviously, and...

..you don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing to hold on

in the hopes that you'll be better at it than you were.

At the end of the day, everyone's telling me, "Let go,"

and whatever. "He'll be quite all right," and this and this and this.

And he probably will be, you know?

I don't know, I don't know where...

So, do you want to go home, think about it

and get in touch with her again?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-No, no, no, no, no.

-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Get off of me. Sit where you should be.

That didn't hurt at all, did it?

What will you do?

I think the best situation is for Jean to move up to Northfield

kind of way.

The daughter lives there.

For John to be placed up there so they'd all be close together.

But in order to do that Jean would have to sell her house,

John is unable to sign to say he agrees to sell it

and therefore we have to go to solicitors and Court Of Protection.

It does put people off. It's a lot easier just to say,

"I'll just have him home, we haven't got to worry

"about care contributions, the property wouldn't be took

"into account, wouldn't have to move."

Jean will probably say that she'll have him home because

it's more complicated for her to move and him to go into a care home.

John's advanced dementia means he no longer has the mental

capacity to make decisions about his care.

His family and professionals must agree what's best for him.

But for older adults who fully understand their care needs,

decisions are ultimately their own.

Community social worker Zafir

is on his way to see 85-year-old Gladys Lee.

She was taken to Heartlands after a fall at home,

before being moved to an emergency bed in a care home.

Just over a week ago, Mrs Lee was at home, erm, you know,

independent and all of a sudden being placed into, you know,

a care home, sort of, environment,

having an element of, you know, independency taken away.

Since her husband died four years ago,

Gladys' sister and brother-in-law have been her main carers,

but they live over an hour away.

I mean, first of all thank you for coming today.

I know you've travelled quite far. Is it Staffordshire?

They'd like Gladys to move closer to them,

but there are no suitable places available.

Now, first of all, erm, Mrs Lee,

how are you finding it here at the moment?

How am I finding it?

Not very nice. I'm not happy, no, I can't settle down and that's it.

Right, OK.

I'd sooner sign and have... I'll stop at home

and get myself somewhere because they can't put me nowhere else.

But you must understand that whilst you're here, you're safe and secure.

OK? I know you're not happy here, Mrs Lee.

-I'm not happy.

-I know and I take your comments on board.

I can't stand it much longer. I shall be in the mental home.

Don't say that.

If I can ask you directly, erm, are you happy to go home?

Yes, if they can't get me in the place by them. I'd rather go home.

-OK.

-I don't want her to go home.

She can't be safe at home, she can't be safe.

She's been saying, "I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this."

She won't have carers in. I've been

her carer for three years and Jim, my husband.

-I've just asked Mrs Lee.

-I know, Pat.

Do you remember my question before? Are you happy to go home?

I've got the response that I need.

-I mean, I don't want her in a home.

-I mean, I understand.

That's the last thing. I'm feeling as bad as Gladys is.

Mrs Stitch, we need to go through the policy and procedure.

-I know that.

-But I'm more happy at home.

-You aren't happy, Gladys.

-You kept on saying you was lonely.

You kept saying you was unhappy. I can't cope, I can't cope.

Well, I can't cope here when you're looking at people.

Mrs Lee, I mean, we've tackled...

Listen, Gladys, I don't want you in a home more than anybody else,

but we know you need care because I can't cope when you're like this.

I know you can't, Pat,

but I don't want some of the care what some of the people want.

They've not put you in here for definite,

they're only going to assess you first and you can't expect

to be assessed in one or two days because it takes time.

Absolutely, absolutely, it can take days.

There's other people as well. There isn't only you, there's thousands.

But, rest assured, that I'll go back to the office,

we'll have a meeting and we'll decide the best

course of action. The important thing just to keep you informed.

It's no good crying, Pat, don't upset yourself.

Gladys, you don't know how I feel. I want you to be happy and you're not.

I know you do, Pat. You're not a teenager.

I know you're getting on, you're over 70.

We're nearly 75 at the end of the year

-and I've done all I can, Gladys.

-I know you have, Pat.

I just want you to be happy and not be upset any more.

-Don't get upsetting yourself.

-OK.

-Don't make yourself bad.

-Mrs Stitch.

Don't do that.

-Pat.

-It must be upsetting for all parties, I understand.

-Oh, Gladys, please be happy, please, wherever you go.

-I know.

Well, I will, Pat, but don't upset yourself.

I should be worse than you, the way I'm going.

If you're going to upset yourself, I might as well go outside

and take meself a walk.

Since I've lost Georgie, they've been...

You've been good to me both of you and I knows that.

Please try and help us.

I'll do my best for you, Mrs Lee and Mr and Mrs Stitch,

but thank you for having me here.

-Am I OK to give you a call tomorrow?

-Course you can.

And you'll be available tomorrow morning at home?

-Yeah. Nice to have met you anyway.

-Take care.

-OK, bye.

Mrs Stitch, take care.

I mean, you know, it does put you in a bit of an awkward position,

you know, erm, Gladys said that she was quite happy to go home,

but the sister said otherwise.

But because Gladys has got capacity to make her decisions,

you know, she's happy to go home then that will be the final stance.

You can advise, you can recommend, you can suggest.

If they've got capacity it's their decision.

Hold on to the Zimmer frame.

You've got a bit of a nasty cough, haven't you?

Despite her sister's worries, Gladys has decided to go home.

Mrs Lee, it's your decision, you weren't happy there and, erm...

And she expected me to stay there, but I couldn't.

-No, it's your decision.

-It's my decision.

-It's your decision.

And I haven't seen her since.

OK, I mean, they are aware, they are aware that you're coming home today.

-OK, because I have... I've kept them informed.

-Have ya? Thank you.

You're going to have four calls a day. Carers are going to come

round just to make sure that you're OK.

So we're just going to see how this, you know, how this goes.

Hopefully, it'll work and if it's not, then, obviously, my colleagues

will report back to me and then we'll look at other options.

-OK.

-OK?

-I'm frightened of falling.

I've already had three and that's when...

How are you with the Zimmer frame?

That Zimmer frame there because you didn't have that before.

I've never had one, see, I've always had a stick.

There's one for downstairs and one for upstairs.

I brought two here. Did you see us bringing two?

-OK.

-Yeah?

-I've seen your bed, you've got a big king size bed, haven't you?

-Pardon?

-I've seen you're bed, it's big, isn't it?

-A big bed?

You've got a very big bed, haven't you?

I always have a king-size. We always have, me and me husband.

-OK.

-I like a big bed. You can roll over.

Now, I'll leave you in the hands of our carers

and any issues or concerns, you can raise it with the carers

-and they can contact me, OK?

-OK.

-All right? Gladys, I wish you all the best.

-Thank you very much.

And I can see how happy you are being back home, all right?

Take care, bye-bye now.

I mean, my sister's been good but as they grow older,

they get fed up on you, don't they?

It ain't like your husband or anybody else, no.

It's awful when you got to get old.

I wish I could go back to when I was younger.

We had some happy days.

We was happy family, we'd all help one another.

Our mum was marvellous, her was, honest, a golden mother

who was bed-ridden for five years.

I looked after her.

That's why I've never had no family, looking after my mother.

I don't regret looking after her, but I feel sad now.

I wish I'd had a family, you know,

I might have had somebody next to me quicker, you know, that's it.

Can't do nothing about it now.

HE SINGS

John has been ready to leave Heartlands for over a week.

His social worker, Kerry, has managed to find him a six-week

temporary place in one of the few dementia care homes in Birmingham.

A lot of patients on this ward that I work with

that are diagnosed with dementia, they're all at different levels

and the ones that are showing any kind of behavioural issues,

they're the ones that we really struggle with.

The staff need a break from your singing, anyway.

Come on, Dad.

She's by your bed.

So, unless there's more places for them to go to, people are just

going to end up being stuck in hospital for even longer and that's

only going to presumably get worse over the next 10, 20 years.

We just work the best we can at the moment, with the resources we've got

and the homes that we've got

and that's all we can do as social workers.

Susan, she drove all the way back from Cornwall yesterday.

-Remember the first time we went?

-Yes.

-You had that van?

-That van? Oh, yes.

-Put more oil in it than petrol.

-Yeah.

Dad, I just want to wheel Mum round towards Kerry

so she can talk to Kerry for a sec.

OK? You stay there just a second.

-How are you doing?

-Hello, gal.

Like we discussed earlier about the discharge tomorrow to The Ridings -

you still OK with that?

-Yes.

-And you understand about the interim period?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Have you had any more thoughts about what you want to do long-term?

Well, there didn't seem to be that many options, you know what I mean?

You see, I want to be moved by my daughter,

I'd like sheltered accommodation.

Would you say the ideal situation

is that you move over more towards your daughter's

and John goes into a care home over there as well?

That was the original idea,

but the financing is something else.

We'll do it in stages and see how things go, I think.

I just hope he'll take to it straightaway.

I know, I know.

That's the discharge letter from us, from social services,

and with the contact details for The Ridings and the telephone number

and it just says his discharge is planned for tomorrow.

-So if that's OK, if you can just sign that bottom one.

-Yeah.

That one there.

John's talking to you.

You can't just sort of dump them some place, you know.

I mean, let's put it this way -

I wouldn't be devastated if he couldn't come home again, you know?

Because it's common sense.

And it's not anybody's fault.

You all right there, Johnny?

I don't want to go out again.

You don't want to what?

I think you just have to do what you can

and you have to do what's right.

At the moment, I don't know what's right for me and him.

If I make the wrong decision

and I can't cope, the thing is you're back to square one again.

For people with advanced dementia,

any change in surroundings can be unsettling

and difficult to cope with.

Even the secure environment of a hospital

can lead to uncharacteristic changes in behaviour.

-Evelyn.

-Stop. Stop!

-Evelyn!

-Stop!

-Stop. Just a minute.

-Sorry, my darling, you can't do that.

-You can't do that. You're not allowed to do that.

-Shut up!

- You don't do that. - It's OK, you shouldn't do that.

Shut up.

Do you want a biscuit? You love biscuits, don't you?

Do you want us to take it later? Just relax.

-Take it out to her.

-OK, will do.

Evelyn was living at home

before a fall brought her into Heartlands over two months ago.

You're not supposed to go in that room, it's forbidden.

Go on, I'll do what I want.

I'm just ringing regarding one of our patients, Evelyn Bradley.

I'm sure she's known to you already.

Yes, at the moment, she's a bit, you know...

She's aggressive, hitting staff.

She's outside the treatment room.

Apparently, there is a nurse in the treatment room

who can't come out because she's standing in front of the door

and the nurse has got other patients to look after

and these patients need the nurse now, so, yes.

So I don't know if it's possible for somebody to come on the ward

and just calm her down a bit.

OK.

All right, thank you.

Security's coming.

-SECURITY:

-Evelyn, please stop.

She'll have moments when she'll behave the way she's behaving,

so we just have to leave her to calm down

and security who are the experts will know how to deal

with this kind of situation

so that's why I had to contact them.

Evelyn, can you stop doing that?

Shut up!

Security are called to deal with patients like Evelyn

as a last resort.

Evelyn, we've got two ways of doing this.

-Come on, Evelyn, let's have a talk.

-Get out!

Get out!

The high level of supervision she needs also means

there are few care homes able to accept her.

Evelyn, get back now.

Evelyn, you need to calm down or we'll have to restrain you

-and take you back...

-Oh, shut up.

Don't tell me you're going to...

-Stop doing that. You're going to hurt yourself.

-Get out.

Get out!

Evelyn, you need to stop.

-No, Evelyn.

-Evelyn, stop doing that.

It doesn't help like that, Evelyn.

-Evelyn, come on.

-Unfortunately, we have to come to this now, Evelyn.

She's medically fit, we look at it from that point.

The reason why she's here is social.

So you see at times patients can be in hospital for days, months,

just because they're looking for an appropriate place for them.

So medical-wise, she's all right,

but we're just looking for an appropriate place for her

and we have to make sure it's appropriate, it's safe,

for her to go there.

Do I get you a drink or anything?

Some water or something?

If I was in that situation, say if I have to empathise with her,

put myself in that situation, I think I would feel the same,

you understand what I mean?

I think I would feel like that. I'd just want to go.

-Get off!

-Calm down, Evelyn.

-And you! Get your...

-Stop doing that.

Stop doing that.

Where are you going?

Where I want to go.

You need to stop that, Evelyn.

Calm down, Evelyn. Calm down, Evelyn.

Alison manages a specialist dementia care home

close to where Evelyn's family live.

And she might have a long-term bed available.

Just need to come in.

-I've come to assess somebody, that's what I've come for.

-Who?

Evelyn.

This is Evelyn. OK.

With assets of over £23,250,

Evelyn doesn't qualify for council funding.

If the home accepts her, she'll have to sell her house to fund her care.

-So she's been in with you for quite a while.

-Yeah, she has been.

I've spoken to the social worker

and got a little bit of history on Evelyn.

-Now I know she's got Alzheimer's, dementia, yeah?

-Yes, she has.

Before she can take Evelyn, Alison has to make sure

they can provide the right level of care for her.

When I spoke to the social worker,

she said there's some physical and verbal...

She can be a little bit aggressive.

Yes, she is. She's calm for a few hours until visiting hours.

Whenever visiting hours and she notices people coming in and out,

that's when she started kicking off and getting upset.

-So her son has visited?

-Oh, yes, Anthony has visited.

-Is that the only son or daughter she's got?

-Yes.

Is there anything she particularly likes to do?

Last week, we had the musician come in to play the piano

and they were singing all the old-time music and stuff like songs

and she actually stood in J-bay and she was there until the finish

and she loved it and she actually said to us, "Wasn't that beautiful?"

-PHONE RINGS Let me answer it.

-Hello?

Just a moment.

Hello, ward 30, can I help?

Cos I asked her a few questions about her job, what she used to do.

She said, "I used to work for Rover."

-Oh, the car.

-Yes, and she had her own office

and she employed her own people

and she had only girls with her, working in her office.

She's not on a one-to-one in here, is she?

-Yes, we have specials for her.

-Oh, do you?

-Yeah.

It makes a slight difference that she is on a one-to-one

because I wasn't given that information prior to coming here.

It's 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

It's a big input that social services are going to have to look at

-because it'll come out of their funding.

-Yeah.

It can't come out of ours.

-It'll have to come out of social services' funding.

-OK.

Because she has one-to-one,

which means she has a carer with her 24 hours a day,

I need to speak to the social worker as to when she leaves the hospital,

does that still stand with her?

Because that can make the difference in whether she comes to us

or whether she doesn't come to us.

Have you forgotten where you're going?

SHE MOUTHS REQUEST

After two days at home,

Gladys has returned to Heartlands with a chest infection.

I like me own house, but I couldn't stand the loneliness.

I mean, you'd sit all day with nobody,

only just looking at your telly,

but that weren't too bad,

but night-time, when you're just locked in,

oh, it ain't right.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move,

every time you wanted to go to the toilet,

you've got to see whether you're going to fall or not

to get up there.

Oh, no, I'm definitely not going back.

I don't care what they say.

Did she mobilise?

She's mobilised, she's very panicky,

saying, "I don't want to go home now, I don't want to go home at all."

She said, "You mustn't send me home."

And that's the problem.

She came out of the residential care, to home,

became acutely unwell and that's dented everything,

so even with carers now, she'll say that's not an option that'll work.

She's adamant at this moment - no, not for home.

I think if you ask Gladys to be honest,

she would like to live with her sister.

She would like to be in that sister's home,

but I don't think that's an option for her.

So social workers are actively seeking

extra sheltered accommodation near to her sister.

She could be lucky - it could take three months,

or it could take six months.

I'll send you to ward 2, OK?

-Send you to what?

-Ward 2.

-What for?

-You're moving wards now.

This is the assessment unit.

They're moving what for?

This is the assessment unit, so once we get you better,

we send you somewhere else to continue on your stay.

-When?

-Now.

-Now?

-Yes, darling.

And they'll tell me where they're sending me?

Yes, they will, ward 2, you're going to ward 2.

-Ward 2.

-Yes.

-Oh, in a ward?

-Yes.

Bloody hell, I thought they were taking me to my sister's.

That'll probably happen from ward 2.

From ward 2?

-Yep.

-Well, I'll have to go there then, won't I, love?

This is the assessment unit.

-Yeah.

-We only get you better.

Fair enough, as long as I... I'm feeling a bit better.

Yeah, you're looking a lot better from this morning.

-OK, love.

-All right?

-I'll put me hearing aid in.

Go on, then - put your hearing aid in.

Gladys has got a complex social situation, as you know,

but we really need to know where the discharge setting is.

Dr Peter Wallis is the lead elderly care consultant at Heartlands

and is looking after Gladys's case.

A week after her admission,

he's meeting with her social workers and family

to make a plan for her leaving hospital.

From the medical point of view, she's pretty steady now.

Is she medically fit for discharge, then?

Yeah, her medical condition is now stable enough

to allow her to leave hospital.

Gladys, would you consider going home if we put a package of care in?

-If carers came in...

-No, I don't want to go back to my own home.

One of the things we talked about was moving closer to your sister

-in your own flat, if we can get something for you.

-Yes.

Now this is not going to happen overnight,

but you can't stay here, it's a hospital. That's Dr Wallis's...

Gladys, whilst it's a pleasure to look after you,

for your health, it would be better if you could move to somewhere

that's a little safer for you

until such time as the sheltered accommodation is available

close to where your sister lives, do you understand?

Yes, as long as I've not got to wait too long.

I think that's what the team are going to explain to you now.

Just to explain, Gladys,

-you're refusing to go back to your own home.

-No.

You're saying no, as in you don't want to go home.

At the moment, just to be clear with everyone,

there's nothing available, Gladys, where your sister lives.

However, the kind of accommodation you're looking for in your locality

is available where Gladys lives at the moment

so couldn't we consider that as a temporary measure

until anything comes up where you are?

I want to know how long I'm going to be kicked out of here.

Be kicked out?

We don't kick anybody out of here.

No, seriously, nobody's going to force you to go somewhere

where you don't want to go,

but you might need to meet the social work team halfway,

if you know what I mean.

There'll have to be a bit of give and take, I think.

-All right?

-Yes.

-OK?

-OK, then.

You all right there?

You all right there?

On the one hand, we have to respond to illnesses

in patients like Gladys when they first present.

They're ill, they have to be found a bed, they have to be looked after

and so, by the same token, we have to keep moving people through the system

to allow the service to respond.

-Hello.

-So there is pressure and you can see the dilemma

that the health service is under and we're under on the ward.

You came into hospital because your doctor at home

was worried about you because you'd fallen over.

'So we've got to try to get the care system right'

so that when the light goes green

to give someone that window of opportunity to get out,

we need to grab that moment and try to make it happen.

You said something about I was in hospital. I'm not, am I?

Yes, you are, you're in hospital.

It's Heartlands or East Birmingham Hospital.

Oh.

Hiya, can I speak to Alison, please? It's Lorraine.

It's Lorraine. I'm senior sister from ward 30, Heartlands Hospital,

regarding one of the patients that she assessed on Wednesday,

Evelyn Bradley.

Evelyn Bradley.

It's two days since Evelyn was assessed

for a place at the care home.

Please, thank you, bye.

There is still no decision on whether social services

or the NHS will pay for her one-to-one care.

I just want her to be placed in the right place.

I just want her to go to whichever home will accept her,

but, by the sounds of it...

..for now, she's going to spend another week on the ward.

INTERVIEWER: Should she?

Well...

..I can't say yes and I cannot say no

because, at this point in time,

she doesn't have anywhere else to go so, yes, she should, at the moment.

-Is a hospital...?

-I know, it's a hospital,

but until we get a home that's willing to take her,

we cannot just send her out.

MUSIC: "I'm Making Believe" by Ella Fitzgerald

# I'm making believe

# That you're in my arms

# Though I know you're so far away

# I whisper good night

# Turn out the light and kiss my pillow

# Making believe it's you... #

-Here you are, read this.

-I can't read that, love.

-Shall we just have a look at some pictures, then?

-No eyes.

-You got no eyes?!

-No.

-Oh, dear.

Found the Bull Ring.

Look at these.

-Look at these slopes.

-They're nice, they are, aren't they?

-Inside, yeah.

John has been at The Ridings care home for two weeks.

He has a temporary bed for another month,

while his wife, Jean, decides if she can take him home.

A mixture of emotions, really.

I'm glad that he's seemingly content.

He's accepted things like the way he is. He's accepted everything.

Where am I?

Don't leave me.

I don't know where I am.

I know what I've got to do,

and yet it's one side of my head and the other side the other as well.

-Please help me.

-Yes.

I need it.

Don't go away and leave me like that.

I didn't think you'd be that sort.

Can you open that and you'll have some?

Help me.

Please help me.

-All right.

-I won't cry, you needn't worry.

Oh, all right, OK.

The other night he said, "Are you my wife?"

That was...

..sort of sad in a way.

Then he said, "I'm sorry,"

and I don't know whether he was saying sorry

cos I was his wife or what, you know what I mean?

But, er...

..it's...

It's just sad because...

..he's lost, I suppose.

That's the saddest part.

HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF

Why don't I know who I am or where I come from?

Because you haven't been well.

Will you be a friend?

Yes, I'll be your friend, Sal.

-Thank you.

-I'll be your friend, pet.

You've got a good friend there, haven't you?

Yes, he's not a bad friend.

-He'll be a good friend to you as well.

-He is, a good one.

He'll always be by your side, he will.

Remember that.

There's a saying...

..live each day...

..as though it's your last.

I think we should...

..cos you never know.

You've got no guarantees.

Hi, is that Jean?

It's Kerry here, social worker at Heartlands.

I'm just phoning to see how things are going with John.

Has he?

Are you happy with The Ridings?

Yeah.

Have you managed to have a discussion with your daughter

about the long-term plan?

What's been said?

OK, for long-term?

All right, then. And Sue feels the same as well, does she?

Yeah.

OK.

All right, I'll speak to you soon.

OK, bye.

She said she's had a chat with her daughter

and she's decided that she's not going to have him back home.

She can't cope with him back home.

She's happy with how he's been at The Ridings

and how he's settled and she wants him to stay there.

You tired?

You going to have a sleep?

'So I've got to speak to the interim manager

'to see whether he can stay there.'

John qualifies for full council funding,

but his choice of care home is limited as many cost more

than the local authority will pay.

The Ridings is affordable, but all their permanent beds are full.

With two people ahead of John on the waiting list,

he may not be able to stay.

What I find hard is when families come

and they have an expectation that there's a lot

that the council can offer.

I find it hard to sort of tactfully bring them back to,

"Actually, this is what is available."

And it's been the same for years, really,

so in years to come when there's more people,

more older people, more people with dementia...

..I think it's already an issue,

so I don't know what we're going to do as social workers.

That's something for the government, really -

to try and put more provisions in place, more funding in place

and more resources because it's hard enough as it is now.

-OK, Gladys.

-What shoes am I going to put on?

You'll go all right in them. There's no other shoes, Gladys.

Gladys doesn't have savings, or own her house,

so social services will pay for the full cost of her care.

There are still no places near her sister,

but one is available close to Gladys's own home.

What we're going to do is we're going to show Gladys the flat

because she's agreed to look at it.

I'm not sure if she's keen...

..but we'll show her and it's her choice.

Pat, I should never see nobody in a place like this.

Don't you think so?

Do you think we're going to leave you just like that, Gladys?

Do you think we're going to leave you after all this time?

You are my sister.

Oh, I wish I weren't here.

Now, I'm just shut out from everywhere.

Gladys, you were never happy.

It's all right for you to talk, Pat.

You ain't pushed away like I've been pushed.

You wouldn't like your Ellie to be pushed like I've been pushed.

Gladys, when I'm your age I don't expect my kids,

my family, to look after me because they've got their own lives.

I mean, I'm the only sister you've got.

I never slept last night, Gladys,

because I knew what was going to happen.

MAN: Shall we go and have a look at the flat?

WOMAN: Gladys, shall we go and look at the flat?

I just can't put up with this any more, I really can't.

MAN: Gladys, are you ready?

WOMAN: Is Gladys able to walk with the Zimmer frame?

Just go in and have a look.

It's miles from anywhere.

This is lovely. Come into the kitchen.

I didn't want a place like this.

You can have your own fridge there.

-Come on, Gladys.

-I can't look after myself as it is.

Do you remember a few weeks ago you asked for a place in the community

with some company and a ground floor flat?

This is it.

Now the rest is up to you.

I'm not going to leave you here and not come and see you.

They're going to give you social people, carer, to come in

and do things that you can't do.

They'll give you a shower, which you can't do, we know that.

I know, Pat, but I'm never going to see you nor Andrew.

No, you are going to see us

and I'm going to take you home for Christmas Day

to spend Christmas Day with us,

so don't get upset, Glad, because I feel just like you feel,

but there's nothing else, nothing else we can do for you, nothing!

I'm sorry, Gladys, I'm sorry.

This is what you asked for and it's beautiful,

it's beautiful - it's all clean.

You keep saying I can come by you.

Look, Gladys, you're not the only one who they're finding homes for.

It's being selfish to say that, isn't it, really?

And I'm not going to just leave you there.

We're still going to come and see you

and all the family will come and see you.

I think it's lovely here.

Our options are very limited.

-What do you mean?

-Well, apart from this, we haven't got any other option

but for you to either go home or stay here.

Oh, I can't stay here and I don't want to go home, so what can I do?

I think you'll need to think about it and make a decision.

It's pretty much generic across the whole of the country,

-you've got, you know...

-I can understand it.

..longer waiting lists, the actual stock for housing,

it's so less compared to the people waiting.

We've got that sort of dilemma at the moment,

- so I'll continue... - We'll keep looking.

We'll keep looking.

What they're going to do, they're going to still look and they'll try

-and find somewhere by us, so please have patience.

-Oh, I hope they do.

Yeah, and I do, Gladys, but you must have patience, right?

OK? Now don't get upset now - it's all being sorted, OK?

Everyone cares about you, right?

Come on, that's it. We all love you, Gladys.

Gladys, all the best and I'll be in contact.

-I'm going to speak to the ward tomorrow, OK?

-OK, thank you.

I mean, it's hard for all parties. It's hard being a carer.

I've been a carer and it's not easy. It has an impact on everyone's life.

I've got a feeling when I speak to the ward, they want her out.

There's no nicer way of saying that -

"She's ready for discharge, off you go,"

but she doesn't want to go anywhere, so she can't stay there, you know.

The other option is respite, but she hated respite back at the beginning

so it's just very awkward and tricky.

I didn't like the place at all. I mean, it was brand-new

and they were very nice, but I refused it anyway...

..so I don't care now.

I'm just waiting to see if they can find me one by Patty's.

I don't know why it's so hard.

I'm sure.

Anyway, you know, I'm tired and it's horrible in here.

It is, honestly.

I should be glad to get out.

I mean, I'm just looking at people what are not well and that.

I'm waiting to go by Patty's and that's it.

I shan't rest till I go by Patty's.

Evelyn, you know and I know that you can't stop here, yeah?

Because this is a hospital, you know that.

The place you're going to is a lovely place,

it's got better rooms than this.

Evelyn, would I lie to you?

Are you going to let me get you dressed?

I'm definitely not going.

I can't, you don't know what I've gone through.

-I can't do it and it's going to be worse and worse.

-OK.

Let's leave it at that for now.

Shall I get you a nice cup of tea and some biscuits?

Yeah? OK.

The NHS has agreed to cover the cost of Evelyn's one-to-one care

in a nursing home for an initial three months.

She can finally leave hospital.

I'm just happy that we got her a home,

because she's been here for such a long time.

And we had to make sure this time that we send her to the right home

and that she's not moved several times as well, because for her,

I think it must be unsettling as well,

so for that I'm happy that she's going.

I'll be back in a little while. I'm going to have a cup of tea.

-A cup of tea?

-Yes.

That's a real friend.

She's lovely, isn't she?

It's ten days since Gladys turned down a place in sheltered housing,

but one has finally become available near her sister

and Gladys is leaving hospital for good.

Before she moves to her new home,

she is saying goodbye to the house she has lived in for over 50 years.

All right?

You don't want to come back now, do you, Glad? Look.

What do you reckon now, Glad?

It's no good coming here, is it? You've got a much better place.

I wish I had come back now, Pat.

-I do.

-No, you couldn't do it, Glad.

They wouldn't let you come back no more.

It's strange when you've got to go.

I mean, I loved this little house.

We made it just how we wanted it.

I don't know whether I'm going to be very happy where I'm going.

I'll have to make the best of it.

Still, never mind.

God's good.

Something will happen.

-Hello, matey!

-Hello.

-Where you been?!

Oh, nice to see you.

Where've you been hiding?

-I wish I hadn't have gone anywhere.

-Hello, Glad.

You got a nice place now, Patty said.

It's a brand-new place.

You want to be bloody lucky you've got a brand-new place!

Oh, no, I'd rather have been back here.

Once you get settled in, you'll be OK, eh?

I don't know.

You've got to be settled, cos you can't manage on your own.

If you were to put her in Buckingham Palace, she'd still bloody moan.

Wouldn't you? Eh?

-If they put you in Buckingham Palace, you'd still moan.

-I would, yeah.

THEY EXCHANGE GOODBYES

That's George, look. He's come with his fish, and that's your mum.

That's our mum.

GLADYS CRIES

I wish I'd been in a better state of health so I could've...

..looked after him properly, you know,

but it's just the way it is.

You have to do things sometimes,

even though you don't want to.

Sometimes, when you're watching telly or something,

you think to yourself...

You go to talk to him and he ain't there.

Silly.

But that's habit at the moment, you know.

You just think about

if the position was reversed...

..and it was me that had dementia.

I think John would have fought harder.

I don't know.

BINGO ANNOUNCER: Eyes down then for a full house.

They ain't yours.

Shut up, Pat.

We're hopeless, ain't we?

What judgments do we make about people older than us?

Should we be challenging ageism?

Join the Open University debate around ageing by going to...

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