Giving Up My Baby Stacey Dooley in the USA

Oh, my gosh!

-You did it.

-I did it.

-She's absolutely beautiful, Misty.

-Thank you.

Prepared for tomorrow?

I am...erm...

I'm expecting a big...a big breakdown.

But...

..as long as I can get through it, it'll be OK.

I was in America exploring the traumatic world of open adoption.

Signing these two documents means

that you have made a final decision to have your child adopted.

You cannot change your mind or get the child back

unless fraud or duress is proven in a court of law.

-GIRL SOBS

-You're brave.

And you're so lovely to give such a wonderful gift,

I want you to know that, OK, cos that's how I look at it.

In Britain, if you give your baby up for adoption,

the Social Services decide who will adopt it.

But here the birth parents can choose for themselves

and get to stay in touch with their child as it grows up.

Like I...I know you guys will both be called Dad,

but am I going to be called Dad too or, like, Uncle Josh?

I was here to experience how young women make the daunting decision

of giving up their newborn babies and how they choose the new parents.

I've done this for you, little guy.

I love you.

I just want the best for you.

I hope you'll see that someday.

I was in Portland, Oregon, on my way to meet 21-year-old Brianna.

She was five months pregnant and preparing to give away her baby.

-Hello. Brianna?

-Hi.

-I'm Stacey.

-Nice to meet you, Stacey.

-Very nice to meet you.

Brianna had been studying to become a vet,

but got pregnant soon after she'd started dating her new boyfriend, Josh.

-I'd love a cup of tea.

-OK.

-It's like a Blooming tea?

-Perfect.

-Yeah.

-That's spot on. Thank you.

-We have guests.

-So, you find out...

-you're two or three months pregnant.

-Yeah.

You and Josh are stood there,

-you've got the pregnancy test in your hand.

-Uh-huh.

What's your first thought,

your first reaction when you see it's positive?

Erm...pretty scared.

Emotional. Erm...

It was really hard to come out and say, "I'm pregnant," you know.

It was just kind of like I couldn't really believe it at first.

And was there any part of you inside

that would have liked to have kept this unplanned baby?

After I moved in with Josh,

I went through a period of time where I did want to keep the baby.

And we tried to kind of pretend like it would work,

kind of act like, "OK, let's see how we feel if we keep the baby."

And we would look at baby things, baby clothes, baby furniture.

-What changed?

-Erm...

There was a bunch of, you know, there was kind of arguing and bickering going on

-between our relationship that wasn't...

-You and Josh?

Yeah. That wasn't going to be a positive environment for a child

and since we are so new, we are still getting to know each other, you know?

So whose idea was it

to perhaps...look at other alternatives?

I think it was mostly mine,

because I knew what my alternatives were and so I figured

if I was going to proceed with this pregnancy and decide to do adoption,

it would... Open adoption would be the best choice.

Brianna and Josh were going through a local non profit agency for their open adoption.

They would only get basic expenses

that would be covered by the adoptive parents.

-How are you Josh? How do you do?

-Good.

Although Brianna was due to give birth in just four months' time,

they still hadn't chosen the parents or even met any possible candidates.

We've been reading this book right here thoroughly

that our open adoption agency gave us.

We really enjoyed that so many of these people were adventurers,

we went through and bookmarked different pages

of people that really stood out to us.

-Oh, OK, so you've sort of put little notes.

-Uh-huh.

I mean, what is this like? There are so many couples in here.

Yeah, it was... At first it was kind of overwhelming,

but it was also really fun at the same time cos we were, like,

"Oh, well, we have all this reading material, we have to go through

"and there's so many different options, what exactly do we want?

"What exactly do we want to stay away from?"

-And how many did you whittle it down to?

-Three.

-How many were you really taking seriously? Three?

-Uh-huh.

-And then these guys, Frank and John.

-OK.

-And we really like...

-They've got matching shirts.

-Yeah.

-They're so cute.

-Is that the main reason?

-Yeah.

When we saw this page,

-we both marked it without reading it, definitely.

-HE LAUGHS

-You just like the look of them?

-They just look so happy.

-They look very happy, particularly happy.

And she wants to be a vet and one of 'em's a vet and the other one's a Chinese therapist and so...

-And they're obviously gay, these two guys?

-Yeah.

I feel like a lot of same-sex couples

deserve to have the chance of being a parent.

Not because of their, you know, sexual preference,

but because they really do have

that, you know, parenting motivation inside them.

But were there certain things that were necessary?

Because the very reason you guys are entertaining the open adoption

is because you feel like you guys aren't in that space right now.

You know, I want the couple to be together

for as long as they possibly can,

you know, which is hopefully for ever.

And I think these guys really have that.

Brianna and Josh were about to take the next big step

in choosing the parents for their baby,

they were ready to meet with Frank and Johnathan face to face.

The prospective parents had just made the eight hour flight

from their home in Hawaii.

This would be their first contact of any sort.

Hi. How are you?

Come on in.

At the agency, Brianna's counsellor, Lindsay,

-was there to help them begin this daunting process.

-Good to see you.

I think this meeting can really kind of make the process seem very real.

And so suddenly all these things that seemed very abstract,

you were looking at pictures before and having

very theoretical abstract discussions, becomes very solid.

And keep in mind too that your nervousness,

while very, very natural, also mirrors theirs.

So they are absolutely going to be nervous too.

-Are they here already?

-They are.

-Actually, I'll call and check and see.

-They don't even know what we look like, do they?

-No, they don't. Yeah, we'll see.

-OK.

This is not yet a permanent option or a permanent choice,

so it's still, you know, pretty...

-I feel like I can still breathe, you know?

-Uh-huh.

-Hello. Hi.

-Hey.

-What's up? Good to meet you guys.

-ALL LAUGH

-Hi. So nice to meet you.

-Good to see you.

-Hi!

-Very nice to meet you.

-So exciting.

So nice to meet you too, finally. Oh, my God! ALL LAUGH

-We kind of compare this to a blind date.

-Yes, that's exactly what I said.

Exactly what I said.

It's like you got that butterflies in your stomach feeling

-and you're like...

-Well, let's sit and talk about it then.

-OK. OK.

-Well, what about the kind of journey that has led you guys to adoption?

When I was 19 I came out. I just... put the idea of having a kid aside.

Then once I met him, he was very adamant about having a son.

I always knew I wanted to be a dad,

I always knew that I wanted to have a relationship with my child

like my dad had with me.

I think I was like everybody else when I first heard the idea of open adoption.

I was like, "This is so much better for the child and for us as adoptive parents

"and for the birth parents, it's just a healthier way to go."

I'm having a boy. What were you guys wanting?

Do you...? I'm sure you are open to both.

-I was open to both, he really wanted a boy.

-OK.

I really was hoping for a son,

because... Well, I mentioned the relationship I had with my dad,

I always wanted to raise a son, that was really important to me.

Not that I wouldn't love a girl too equally.

I was worried you guys were going to be taken.

LAUGHTER

This is so amazing, I don't understand why it took so long,

-but I'm glad it did, it's perfect.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Thank you.

-Thanks, Lindsay.

Thank you so much.

Bye, take care.

-Are you happy?

-Yeah.

-How are you feeling?

Really...great, relieved, excited. Erm...

I feel like... I feel like we chose a really great couple.

I'm glad that they're as good as they seemed on paper, you know.

-Yeah. I think they're better.

-And how are you feeling

in terms of the decision itself?

Is it...is it made?

Erm...I mean, not completely, but you know,

our hopes are staying positive and I really hope they are the couple that we are looking for.

We're just going to figure that out in a couple of days.

I left Brianna and Josh to spend a few days

getting to know Frank and Johnathan,

so that they could decide whether they were the right parents for their baby.

I was in Montana and on my way to meet another birth mum

who was further down the line and had already chosen the parents.

19-year-old Misty

was just two months away from giving birth to a baby girl.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-How do you do? I'm Stacey.

-Very nice to meet you.

-Pleased to meet you.

Misty had wanted to train as a teacher, but got pregnant

after five months of being in a relationship with Rory.

Although they'd met adoptive parents, Sherry and Angie,

through an agency,

they've decided to do the adoption by themselves.

Describe to me what it's been like over the past seven months

having your daughter grow, I guess, inside of you.

Erm...it's been...

Erm...

-It's been exciting.

-Right.

I mean, I've definitely enjoyed kind of the magic

and the mystery of being pregnant.

And kind of the... It's kind of empowering a little bit.

I'm just... It's cos I'm taking the step from being a child...

I mean, a young woman into being a mother.

-Was abortion ever an option?

-Not for me, no.

I don't have anything against abortion,

but it was not morally...morally a decision I would make.

How do you feel about her now?

-Like, whilst we're standing here, you always sort of stroke her and cuddle her.

-Oh the baby?

She's always moving,

so I'm always trying to just comfort her and let her know I'm here.

So... I think that connection is important right now.

-So...

-Do you love her?

-I do.

-Erm...

-MISTY LAUGHS

Er...

I... If...if things were different...

..I would raise her.

Misty didn't have a close relationship with her parents

and had been living with best friend, Katrina, and her family for the past year.

God! You don't have to walk very far, do you?

You're lucky to have it across the road.

Do we stop and look?

You can do it.

She's really good with him.

-She's really excellent with kids. One of her nicknames is Nantie.

-Nantie?

Nantie, because she nannied for someone one summer and the kids starting calling her Nantie.

-Half nanny, half auntie?

-Yes.

-Brilliant.

-Yeah.

And how are you feeling about the choice Misty's made?

You know, I don't...I don't really agree with it.

I think it's...a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I think she's a little too worried about how she's going to financially provide for right now,

because she's young still.

Over the past few months, Misty has built a close relationship

with Sherry and Angie and their six-year-old boy, Kaj.

Nice to meet you, Angie.

I joined them for a weekend at their ranch with Misty.

Oh! You're very handsome.

Wow!

Is this your bedroom?

Do you like dinosaurs, then?

Pterodactyls, T-rex.

-Kaj isn't adopted?

-No, he's not.

-How did we have Kaj?

-We used a sperm donor and I gave birth to Kaj.

We tried, like, a year and a half of fertility and IVF

and it just never worked again.

So then that was the point that we decided to pursue adoption.

We just didn't realise it would take so long.

So you've been desperate for another child for a while?

We have been trying since Kaj turned one.

-So five years.

-Five years.

We also know what it is to bring a child into the world

and be connected to it and so we just...

We're trying to be realistic. Excited and realistic at the same time.

-You know, there's that concern that she might just change her mind.

-Hmm.

And we've talked to them about that too.

We've, you know, we've had that conversation but...

It's such a huge investment, isn't it, for something that potentially might not materialise?

It is, but I think in the end...it'll be worth it.

I think, you know, especially if it works,

it will have been worth every bit of the last five years.

If it doesn't work out in the end,

then we can look at each other at the end of the day

and say, "We did everything."

You know, it's not like we can just stop and say,

"Well, we didn't give it 110%," because we have.

BIRDSONG

Misty's boyfriend, Rory, had driven down

to spend the rest of the weekend with us.

-Good to meet you.

-Very nice to meet you also.

It struck me that Misty had chosen a family for her baby girl

that had a warmth and closeness she missed from her own.

-Where's the parade? I don't know.

-LAUGHTER

And why Angie and Sherry?

Erm...yeah, I guess it's just really... I see myself and Misty

and them and the way they live and the way they, you know,

talk about wanting to kind of live their future life here.

And where are you both now, you know, in terms of your decision?

Relieved to know that our daughter's going to be taken care of in a way that...that we want.

Relief that I'm still going to be able to be a part of my daughter's life.

That's adorable. It's adorable.

-Wow, that's...bright.

-Yeah.

-I just like the fluffy guys.

-LAUGHTER

Back in Portland, Brianna and Josh had spent the last two days with Frank and Johnathan.

They'd decided that they would make good parents for their baby boy.

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

The agency had arranged another meeting to begin negotiating how this relationship might work.

We call this meeting the relationship-building meeting.

So today the goal is to really kind of give you guys some more tools

to help you grow your relationship

and develop a deeper understanding of one another,

so that you can build a really, really solid and healthy foundation.

Like I know you guys are both going to be called Dad,

but am I going to be called Dad too?

Or like uncle Josh or how are we going to handle that?

One thing that's really common in Hawaii

is like...extended family or even close friends,

the male person'll be called Uncle and the female Auntie.

So, I mean, that's a designation

that I really liked personally about Hawaii.

But for me those specific words of Mum and Dad have sort of...

They're directly tied to the parenting role for me

and so from that way it's kind of like you know, I don't know...

I wouldn't say that I'm like possessive about the words,

-but they definitely have a link to the parent title.

-They're a trigger for you.

-Yeah, exactly.

And I like the way you put it as...

I don't want to seem possessive by making him call me Father or something like that,

-just because it's a charged term.

-Right.

I just want him to know that I'm someone who loves him,

-that's why I think Uncle works perfect.

-Right.

-Yeah.

I'm fine with Uncle and Auntie. And it's not a huge deal for me.

-It's just wanting to know, I guess.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Yeah.

Also agreed in the meeting was that Brianna and Josh

would have at least one visit a year with their son

and that they would keep in touch by e-mail and Skype as he grew up.

But by law in the State of Oregon

none of this could be put into effect

until 24 hours after Brianna had given birth.

Are there any reservations? Are there any concerns?

No, not really. I mean, a lot of...

A few people have asked me, like, "Were you a little worried

that you know, things might change at the last minute or something?"

And I said, "Well, I might be if I hadn't met the birth parents."

-But I feel like we have a really good sense of Brie and Josh and...

-And a good connection.

And I know what Brie and Josh's intentions are

and I don't have any really serious doubts

-that they're not going to follow through on their plans, you know.

-Yeah.

Well, good. I'm pleased, because to be that confident must be difficult

when you're not entirely in control of something you really, really want.

-Especially... I know you've wanted this for such a long time.

-Right.

It's never, you know, 100% until it's...a done deal kind of thing.

-Right.

-But I think we feel as confident as we could ever feel under the circumstances.

You hop in.

Frank and Johnathan were on their way back to Hawaii

and this'd be the last time I'd see Brianna before she gave birth.

We were heading to her mum's house to choose one of Brianna's old toys to pass on to her baby.

-There's my high school right there.

-What, on the left?

-Uh-huh.

-Is that where you went?

-Yeah.

-Which one's your mum's place?

-It's down here.

Hmm.

-Hey.

-Hey. Come on in.

-Yay.

-Lovely to meet you.

-Thanks for having me. Thanks a lot.

-Come on in and have a seat.

-Thank you.

-How are you feeling?

-Doing good.

-Yeah.

Baby is doing good, very regular heartbeat

and he's starting to sit pretty low.

-Already?

-Yeah.

-Does it hurt?

-A little bit.

-A little.

I feel like my hips are kind of moving outward more and I'm like, "Oh!"

-That's uncomfortable.

-Let's look in our box of goodies and see what's in here.

-Let's do it.

-Please, Minnie, be in here.

-I know.

-I really swore you took her.

I swear you kept her. MUM LAUGHS

-Oh!

-Oh, I remember this.

-The puppet!

-MUM LAUGHS

I'm such a dork, "Hello there!"

-But puppets aren't dorky, are they?

-I like the puppet so far.

-No.

-I sort of quite like puppets.

-That's...that's fun.

My mum had like a sock, like a budget puppet,

-like a manky old sock with like a hole in it.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-So I think we'll go with the monkey.

-OK.

-Because Auntie gave this to me so it does have a meaning behind it.

-Yeah.

-You know?

-Uh-huh.

Nina, would you mind if I asked you

what you would like your role to be with the baby?

Hmm.

Well...Grandma, cos I am Grandma.

But I don't know if that's the...

if there's an appropriate title for it,

because of it being, number one, an adoption and, number two, long distance.

I don't know. That's a tough one.

You know there's positives to this whole thing

and there's some negatives to this whole thing, but I try to focus on the positives.

-Of course.

-And, you know, just apply the positives as much as I can

to try to outweigh the negatives or the not so happy parts about it.

Sure. So...

What concerns you the most?

Erm...probably just being able to let go, you know?

-Yeah.

-That's going to be hard, the just letting go.

-That's the part that makes me emotional when I think about it.

-Yeah.

-Because...

-I mean...

-You know they're in good hands.

-Yeah.

-I don't question that they would be fantastic parents.

-Yeah.

-I know that that's a for sure.

-It's just that you're giving...

-You're giving yourself, a part of yourself to someone else.

-Uh-huh.

-And that life that you created.

-Uh-huh.

A lot of people... Even if it is an open adoption...

I've been reading a book

and everyone's situations are so different.

Like there are people who are completely closed off

during their grieving time

-and then some people are really completely open...

-OK.

..so it's kind of interesting just learning about like...

-where I'm going to be, you know, during that process.

-Uh-huh.

You're already open enough to know that this lovely couple

will be really awesome parents.

-And you're affording them that ability to do that...

-Uh-huh.

..and try really hard not... later on...

0f course that's easy for me to say now, that you made the wrong decision.

I don't want you feel that way.

Can I have a hug?

Oh, honey!

BRIANNA SOBS

I love you.

-And I know this is really difficult.

-BRIANNA SOBS

And you're brave and you're so lovely

to give such a wonderful gift.

I want you to know that, OK, cos that's how I look at it.

-Could you give a more perfect gift? No.

-Probably not.

No.

I'm really excited to see you and I'm going to miss having you inside.

You can see how big you are...right now.

It's fun to feel you move around and watch you grow,

but I'm really excited to see your face, so we'll see you soon.

OK, Nate, I probably should tell you the date today.

It's January 24th, 1997.

And now we're on the way to the hospital.

And it's a beautiful day outside.

A perfect day for you to be born.

Hey. BABY CRIES

17 years ago, Becky gave birth to Nathan near Portland, Oregon.

She'd used the same adoption agency that Brianna's going through.

And two days later, she gave him to the new parents she'd chosen for him, Sarah and Mark.

Now Nathan is in his last year of school.

He hopes to go on to university and dreams of becoming a writer.

Hello. How are you? I'm Stacey.

-Hi, I'm Nathan.

-You're huge, Nathan! Look at you!

I went back to his home where he lives with his adoptive parents.

You've got Thai food.

Oh, thank God there's Thai food. STACEY LAUGHS

-Mum, can I... Mum, can I have a spring roll?

-Of course.

-Thank you.

-We were just watching Nathan play basketball.

-Wasn't that fun.

-He's brilliant!

-Yeah.

-My limited knowledge of basketball, I've got to say.

-Right, right.

These are our family portraits.

That's my mum when she was younger.

That's my dad when he was younger.

-They're so awesome.

-Uh-huh.

And so where are the pictures of your biological parents?

Oh, I have a few scattered around the room.

This is one of the first photos of us at about a year old there.

-So that's your birth mum.

-Yeah, that's Becky.

-You don't call her mum?

-Er...no.

I never really grew up with her AS my mother.

-Right.

-So...she's really just Becky to me. She was Becky when I met her.

And...what would you say your relationship's like with...Becky?

I think it's very good, because she's always been in my life,

she's always been one of my best friends.

It's like, I know I can talk to her about anything.

We go and do things together.

-Like, she'll come down for the day.

-So you liken her to a friend?

Erm...well, like, definitely above best friend.

Yeah. She's... We're friends in every way a parent/child can be really.

I know some people that are adopted in the UK

don't even know what their biological parents look like.

Yeah. It's...

I've always grown-up with it. It wasn't like yesterday somebody came up to me

and was like, "I am your father."

Or like, "Your mother is right over there, you should go and meet her."

-Like in the movies.

-Yeah. I've always known my parents.

And so, like, I don't think it's that strange or odd of a thing.

I can't even believe how lucky I am, just to know who my parents are,

which is something a lot of adopted people just never really get to know.

Hi, Nathan.

Hi.

-There's a lot to be looking at here.

-Uh-huh.

Sarah showed me some videos of Nathan's first years.

Are we going to the park?

Yeah!

Here we go!

It struck me how hard it must have been for Sarah

finding her feet as a new mum

and having to share her son with his grieving birth mother Becky.

-Perfect timing for you to go upstairs and do your Spanish.

-STACEY LAUGHS

-Think Spanish thoughts.

-Good luck.

-Adios amigo.

-Adios.

-Ciao, ciao!

INDISTINCT De nada.

In hindsight, looking back now,

what were the challenges for you with the open adoption?

I think the biggest challenge was that I felt like...

..that Becky and her mum wanted

just much, much more time with Nathan than I was comfortable with.

And...it was really hard for me

to feel like I was always disappointing them.

And...I can't...I couldn't really make that better.

You know what I mean? That by saying, "Oh, sure," you know,

"come on up for the weekend." Or, "Let's do this even though

"we just did this other thing three weeks ago."

You know, that that wasn't going to make it OK.

It wasn't going to assuage her grief and loss.

I guess it's an impossible situation sometimes.

You know...no-one is purposefully trying to upset the other party,

-but inevitably they're going to feel like they are sometimes.

-Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly.

And you're...content with how things played out,

how the relationships have now formed?

I mean, time is a wonderful thing.

You know, I worry about different things when my child is 16

than when he's 16 months, you know.

And...Becky's not 19 or 20 any more.

And...that's wonderful. It's a good thing.

Nathan was taking me to Portland's Saturday market

and was going to introduce me to Becky.

-Hello! How do you do?

-Nice to meet you.

-Likewise. It's very nice to meet you.

I'm Stacey. So how often do you guys get to do this?

Every...three months or something like that, I'm guessing.

I'll come up to his basketball games and we'll go to dinner or shopping.

Our last trip though was pretty cool.

That was our Seattle trip to Kanye West.

-Nathan mentioned this. You took him to see Kanye West?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

It was so good to see you. I love you.

-I'll talk to you soon, OK?

-Talk to you soon.

-OK. Have fun. Good luck tonight.

-Good luck!

Becky went on to law school after the adoption

and now works as a public prosecutor.

Nathan remains her only child.

-This one is one of my favourites of him.

-Hmm!

-Look at that little bug.

-Oh, my Lord!

-Isn't he just so delicious?

This is the day they took him home.

-This is the placement ceremony.

-Right.

So I'm a little...

This WAS a hard moment.

I think you can see that on Sarah's face and mine.

It was...you know.

That's...that's the moment.

And how often did you hope to see Nathan realistically?

You know, I think at that time I thought I would see him probably every month.

I think I thought that I would...

You know, it would be...

Cos like Sarah called me every day when I was pregnant

and I think that I just felt like it would be similar to that.

You know, we'd have contact regularly and...

And...it just didn't turn out that same way.

You know, I think it's hard for Mark and Sarah to see that kind of pain.

And erm...

You know, I don't know that... for as hard as it was,

I don't know if, you know, even if I had had the number of visits

or we had had the type of relationship that I'd initially envisaged,

I don't know if that would have made it any easier.

You know, I think I was just...

I was not really prepared for just how difficult it would be.

You know, 17 years later it's...it's still hard.

It's hard to say goodbye to him every time.

it's hard to not bring him home with me.

Erm...and it's such a complicated situation

where I'm so thankful for Mark and Sarah.

And I am so appreciative of the life they have given him,

which is exactly what I wanted him to have.

-It is.

-Do you feel like the older Nathan's got

and the longer you guys have known each other,

-it's now all falling into place quite nicely?

-Definitely.

To be able to take him to Seattle last month to see Kanye West

together on an overnight and talk about his life

and talk about his dreams and talk about his fears and all of that,

I just feel so incredibly blessed to get to have that relationship with him.

And I know he knows how much I love him.

I know he knows that.

I'd now spent a month exploring the world of open adoption.

I had witnessed just how painful and complicated

these relationships could be.

For the birth parents, it's an agonising time

where they're fighting against their most basic maternal instincts.

And for the couples who have often waited years to adopt,

it's a fraught time too, never knowing if the baby will be theirs

until after the birth when the legal papers are signed.

I was back in Montana and Misty's baby was due any day.

Angie and Sherry were in town waiting for the new arrival.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-How's it going?

-Good.

And the last time I caught up with you two was about a month ago.

Where are you now? Like, what's been happening over the past month?

I think we feel like this is going to go through, I feel good about it.

I still think there's always that possibility that it may not,

just because she is...

It's going to be hard. It's going to be super sad and super hard

and she's going to nurse that baby for the 72 hours.

So, it's...

So there's... I think there's always that slim possibility on Misty's part.

And what have you two been doing over the past month

to get yourself prepared for the next couple of days?

Well, we...got all the baby stuff.

What have you purchased?

-Erm...

-A pack of diapers, a pack of baby butt wipes, baby butt cream,

a couple of little onesies and an awful baby bag,

-it's the worst.

-Yeah, it's horrible.

-She doesn't like the bag. Is the bag here?

-It is.

-Can I see it?

-Yeah. It's awful.

-We won't judge you on the bag.

-See the tags are still on it.

-Why are the tags still on it?

-Just in case.

We can take it back.

-You really feel like that's a possibility?

-I don't know.

A month ago when we bought it it felt like a possibility.

We have to prepare for both scenarios,

just like Misty has to prepare for both scenarios.

I told her, I just said, "Look...I have delivered a child,

"I know the bond that you have when you give birth to a child."

And I said, "It's not going to be easy, Misty,

"and if you change your mind then we're happy for you.

"And that's what we want for you if that's what your decision is.

"And we're OK with that. But we just ask if that is the case

"that you tell us and you cut us loose.

"Don't string us along." And I think she gets that.

-Yeah.

-So...

I was on my way to see Misty, who had moved into Rory's mum's house.

BIRDSONG

I'd never have thought to do this.

That way we can keep my bump for ever.

-Is that the idea?

-Uh-huh.

Are you going to miss being pregnant?

Erm...only some things about being pregnant.

-So Angie and Sherry are going to bring all the gear, the car seat.

-Uh-huh.

-Everything they'll need to take baby home.

-Uh-huh.

What do you think about that?

Erm...I'm not quite sure what I think about that.

I don't think it's something I can prepare myself for.

Yeah. Is it definitely dry?

-I need to get over this, but...

-It's separating from my belly.

Argh!.

One minute.

Yay!

Oh, my God! It's perfect!

-I'll be pregnant for ever.

-LAUGHTER

A few days later, doctors decided to induce Misty's labour.

So by hook or by crook...

this baby is going to come out.

Mum's making her come out today.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

-I'm Stacey.

-Hi, Stacey, nice to meet you.

-How's things? Very nice to meet you.

-Today's the day.

-Yes.

-We're pretty excited.

-How's grandma feeling?

Er...a little nervous. LAUGHTER

Little nervous, this is...it's going to be different.

I think, initially, I wasn't real sure of how it was all going to go.

Erm...but now that I've met Sherry and Angie

and I just think it's going to be a good thing.

And as long as she is doing what she needs to do, then that's...

I'll be behind her.

And I appreciate that maturity.

I appreciate that maturity and that selflessness.

So...

-Ready to go?

-Ready.

-Let's go.

-OK.

-Bye, Sue.

-OK.

-Good luck, yeah?

-Thanks, yeah.

Misty went into hospital

and 20 hours later her daughter, Creeda, was born.

Sherry helped deliver the baby.

What do you think, Misty?

What do you think of that? LAUGHTER

All of that, "I can't do it, I can't do it."

BABY CRIES

You did it.

In the state of Montana, parents must wait 72 hours

before they can sign away their parental rights.

Misty and Rory were waiting out this time

in a hotel with Sherry and Angie.

-Hello.

-Hi, Stacey.

-How are you feeling?

-Good. Come on in.

-Thank you.

-How are you?

-I'm good. How are you?

-OK, thank you.

-Oh, well done.

-Thanks.

Oh, my gosh!

She's absolutely beautiful, Misty.

-Thank you.

-You did it.

-I did it.

She's here.

-And last night she stayed with Angie and Sherry?

-Uh-huh.

Was that your decision?

-A little bit of both, I think.

-Yeah.

I think they were really looking forward to it and...

I'm finding myself kind of needing to consciously make sure

that I'm stepping back and letting them just hold her,

keep onto her for a while. You want to hold her? Yeah?

I've been waiting for you, Creeda.

STACEY LAUGHS

I cannot believe...that I made that.

That that was me.

She's half of you. And she's so perfect, Misty.

You've done... What an achievement.

-Totally worth it.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

And what's it like...

watching Angie and Sherry with her?

Erm...

It's...

I...I don't really know how to explain it,

it's kind of a...

It's kind of a bittersweet feeling.

I mean, I love seeing all of them together.

It...makes me happy knowing that she's...

She has them.

But at the same time it's a little...it's a little hard,

cos it's not me.

But...

-I'll be back.

-OK.

CREEDA CRIES

Misty seems to be really rational about the whole thing and...

to be that strong when you've just given birth

to the most beautiful thing you've ever seen

is just staggering, you know.

-It's totally nuts!

-CREEDA CRIES

I think she believes in her heart that this is the right thing.

But she's going to be absolutely devastated when that baby leaves.

Creeda was now three-days-old and it was decision time for Misty.

I was on my way to the attorney's office

where the paperwork was due to be signed.

-Is that OK?

-Yeah.

-How are we all?

-Good.

-You are the new proud parents.

-We are the parents of Creeda.

-Game?

-Can you guys take it?

-I think so.

-She gets to go home with us?

LAUGHTER

Silly question.

How is everyone...doing?

-I'm relieved.

-LAUGHTER

Good. And I hope that you guys are...

It's going to be a rough time, but a million thanks.

-I think it'll be good.

-Yeah.

-Susan'll be in touch. OK. All right. Thank you, Misty.

-Bye. Thank you.

What can I say. You know, it's evident...

how heartbreaking it is for the pair of them.

But they're in this weird place

where they're able to kind of accept their own hurt...

..look forward...

..and feel like in their hearts they're doing the right thing.

-Hey, get down here.

-We'll see you. OK?

-Don't squish her.

-CREEDA CRIES

-Oh, my!

I just fed her, so she should be good for a while.

She should be good for a few miles?

OK.

Take good care, OK.

-Take pictures.

-Oh, yeah.

-Every day.

-You bet.

-Every day.

-LAUGHTER

-We'll get the Facebook thing up and running, OK?

-OK.

-OK.

Take care, guys, yeah?

-BOTH:

-Bye, Stacey.

Shall we get out of here?

Can you say hi?

Can you give her a little coffee kiss on the forehead?

-Oh...

-No? You're not sure yet?

INDISTINCT

A good smile, not your psycho smile.

-Can you look at Stacey and smile.

-Oh, these are lovely!

So what's the plan now?

We're going to bust a move out of here.

Grab a bite to eat so we don't just melt away like we're going to.

And go home.

Do you remember when I was having a chat with you in your kitchen?

And you were going, "I can't even allow meself to imagine it because it might not happen."

It did.

OK, just throw it in the garbage, buddy.

I was back in Portland.

Brianna had given birth to a baby boy

who had been named Apollo by Frank and Johnathan.

-That lower lip!

-I know.

-Quiver!

-Little foot print.

-Special moments.

-Yeah.

-I'll even spread my toes for you.

-That's right, that's right.

The next day, I went to meet the new arrival and proud parents.

-Hey!

-Hi.

You finally get to see him.

-How you doing?

-I'm doing great.

-Brie, he's awesome.

-I know.

Are you feeling quite content?

I am, yeah. I'm really happy, it's like...

all this work really paid off and we've got a healthy little baby boy.

-Are you all right, Josh?

-Yeah.

-Definitely overwhelmed with emotions.

-Yeah.

-We both are.

Oh, my God!

It's going to be, you know,

-it's going to be hard and I expected that.

-Yeah.

-Uh-huh.

-You've always said that, haven't you?

-Uh-huh.

And I think you've been so...

-brave and so matter of fact about everything.

-Yeah.

In reality, do you think it's going to be even harder than you anticipated,

-cos he's so...here and so lovely.

-Oh, definitely.

Yeah, definitely. There's not really anything that can fully prepare you

for, you know, this...these feelings I'm...I expect to get.

-Right.

-There's nothing really that can prepare myself

because this is like...this will be like one of the most hardest decisions

I've ever had to make in my entire life.

You both still feel...

like everything you've planned is what you still want to do?

Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to change my mind.

I know that.

-Yeah.

-I mean, if I could I would.

Right. If we could, we would have already.

-But I'm not going to.

-Amazing.

I'm just trying to soak in...this moment, I guess,

there are all these little moments

because I'm not going to be able to have those kind of moments for very much longer.

So that means a lot that I can just, like, sit here and stare at him.

-Hi.

-Hello. How are you?

-Good.

-Congratulations.

-Thanks.

He's not bad is he?

-Not bad, that's the understatement of the year.

-LAUGHTER

-He's crazy cute!

-He's absolutely fabulous.

-Oh, yeah.

-Fantastic!

I couldn't be happier.

-We were all surprised by his size, cos he was really big and the hair.

-Uh-huh.

-Him being blonde.

-There's so much of it as well.

-Yeah.

-And you got to hold him soon after he was born?

-Oh, yeah.

-I mean, that night really.

-Yeah.

Yeah. Came in and held him for the first time,

gave him a little kiss on his head. And it was very, very magical.

Yeah.

Just...feeling very happy.

APOLLO CRIES

Sh! Sh!

I can probably call and get some more blankets in.

-Yeah. Maybe a new changing pad too.

-OK.

Three days after Apollo had been born,

Lindsay from the adoption agency had brought the legal papers for Josh and Brianna to sign.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-How are you all?

-Is that a pretty picture or what?

We're doing all right.

So how was the evening last night?

Erm...pretty emotional.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Did you guys talk some?

Yeah.

I'd say Josh had more of a hard time last night

-and I had more of a hard time this morning.

-Uh-huh.

It was hard knowing that this morning's going to be, like, the last morning...

-..that he's ours, I guess.

-Yeah.

So one of the really normal things to think about during this time is about parenting.

And, you know, we talked a little bit yesterday about what some of your thoughts were about that.

How are you guys feeling about that at this point?

Is that something that you've considered during this time or...?

-Well, no.

-It's there in the back of our minds, we keep fighting that, yeah.

Like, yeah, I do want to be selfish and just say, "Screw this whole adoption thing,"

but then again it's, like, I'm not doing this for me,

I'm doing this for him and I'm doing it for them.

We know that we've made a good decision

and that we just can't let our emotions get the best of us at the last moment cos we're scared.

"Prior to your child being placed with a family for the purpose of adoption,

"you'll need to sign a surrender, release and consent to adoption

"and a certificate of irrevocability and waiver.

"Signing these two documents means that you have made a final decision to have your child adopted.

"You cannot change your mind or get the child back unless fraud or duress is proven in a court of law."

So essentially if you were tricked, if you can show that you were tricked into the adoption

-or that you were forced into it against your will.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-But he's always going to be mine too.

-Yeah.

Even more sweet, it's OK.

Oh, really? It's not so much that he belongs to any of you guys,

-It's that you all belong to him.

-Uh-huh. Exactly.

-Yeah.

-That's a better way to look at it.

-Yeah.

So he has all these great people in his life.

Nobody owns him, he's just his own person.

Sweet.

JOSH LAUGHS

-You OK?

-Hmm.

OK. I'm doing this for you, little guy. We love you.

And we care about you a lot.

BOTH SIGH

And...

I hope you'll see that someday.

I just want the best for you.

Perfect!

The four parents had met up for an entrustment ceremony...

a symbolic event encouraged by the agency

where Brianna and Josh would give Apollo to his new dads.

"Dear, Apollo. I am the adoption counsellor who had the honour

"of working with your parents and your birth parents, Brianna and Josh.

"Brianna and Josh love you very much and took great care

"in choosing Johnathan and Frank to be your parents.

"May you have a joyful, wonderful life, Apollo,

"surrounded by all these incredible people who love and appreciate you."

"Dear son, I want you to know that I've always loved you and will always love you,

"I want the best for you and that's the toughest kind of love,

"giving you to someone who can do a better job for the time being.

"I'll always try my best to be involved in your life

"as much as I can and as much as you would like me to be.

"I want the world for you

"and I believe you will become a great man someday.

"Love you always and for ever, love you infinity and beyond."

Me and my mum used to say that to each other, we still do.

-Oh!

-Oh!

-At least we got some reactions.

-Yeah. I know!

Oh, are you starting to wake up a little?

I was leaving the birth mums behind.

During my time with them, both mums had told me

that they hoped their children would see this film one day.

They felt it would give Creeda and Apollo a better understanding

of how they had come to make the biggest decision of their lives.

Next time, I'll be with the homeless of Detroit.

I want you to see the struggles I go through every single day,

knowing that you don't have nobody to help you, you don't have nothing.

There's every chance you could get stabbed or shot.

It just really hammers home

what it can mean to be homeless here in Detroit.