Thailand The Real Marigold on Tour

Dancing at this time in the morning. How's about that, Wayne?

They're going to rule the world, I'm telling you.

-Yes.

-They will.

Where in the world would you choose to spend your golden years?

How can you not want to see the world?

We've got to go out, and see what's there, and meet people.

No way was I going to go somewhere in Cuba with a man I didn't know.

-You must be joking.

-Oh, I would.

A group of famous pensioners are on a global quest.

Travelling the world,

exploring how different countries deal with growing old.

THEY SCREAM

I'd like to take something from everywhere we go.

I think we're getting to the good bit.

THEY LAUGH

Having sampled the retirement secrets of China,

Cuba and Iceland...

I've gone mad!

..this time, Paul Nicholas, Sheila Ferguson,

and Dennis Taylor are being joined by well-known Marigold

-face Rosemary Schrager.

-Hello!

-I won't make you cry, you lot.

-Well, we do love each other.

-I get on with everybody.

-I thought I could talk, but that woman can talk!

And they're embarking on a completely new Eastern adventure...

-Food!

-..in the retirement mecca of Thailand.

-Oh, do we have to?

-HE LAUGHS

Couldn't we just have a cup of tea?

Thailand - a country of beauty and tradition.

With a tropical climate and low cost of living,

could it be the perfect place to grow old?

-"Paul, Sheila, Rosemary..."

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Sawatdee kah.

-Hello there.

-Sawatdee kah.

-Nice to meet you.

-Thank you, so am I.

-Me, Rosemary.

-My name is Pu.

-I'm Paul, how are you?

-Pu?

-Pu.

-What's your name?

-P-U, Pu.

-Oh, right.

-OK.

The group have travelled 5,500 miles east to the largest city in northern

Thailand, Chiang-Mai - the cultural heart of the country.

-You speak English?

-I do.

Is it quite hot today or is this normal?

-It is quite normal.

-Local taxi drivers Ming and Pu

are taking them five miles across town to their home stay.

-My suitcase is very heavy.

-That's fine, I am strong man.

-You want to come in as well?

-Yeah, I'll...

You get in there and I'll get on the other side.

Get that air conditioning on.

Ming, we got the air conditioning, Ming, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Oh, Ming, this is great.

Rosemary, here we go, it's a delight to be with you, by the way.

Oh, do you know what, it's wonderful.

-We're both in our whites as well.

-HE LAUGHS

Have you been to Thailand before? Is this your...?

Do you know, I've never been to Thailand before, but I'm just so excited.

Ming, I want to hear lots of things from you.

I know there are a lot of people who retire to Thailand.

If you are going to retire to a place like that,

you need to have all sorts of things when you get older in place.

-I want to know, Ming...

-Yeah?

I don't know a word of Thai. Not one word.

SHE ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK THAI MING RESPONDS IN THAI

You're making Ming laugh, let him concentrate on his driving.

How old are you, Pu?

Guess.

-55?

-You are so kind.

I am now 58.

-It was close. He's a baby.

-You're a baby to us.

-Yes, indeed.

-We are very old.

-We're old.

-You don't look old.

How do the Thai people look after their old people?

Do they...do they stay with the family or do they go into homes?

Thai people, normally we have big family.

The young and old people live together.

-Good.

-I couldn't even imagine living with my children.

-Well...

-I could see the joy in my son-in-laws' faces when I go out the

door with my suitcases.

Yeah, but you're not like every mother,

are you? Let's be honest.

Famous for its historic temples and shrines,

Chiang-Mai is popular with elderly Thais and western retirees for its

laid-back way of life.

It doesn't seem on first impressions that

-it's as hustly-bustly as India.

-This is more...

Slightly more chilled, isn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-They've all got masks on, I see.

The group will be staying in the upmarket Wat Ket neighbourhood

on the edge of the city centre.

-This is gorgeous. Grand and green.

-It's very clean, which is lovely.

And it's very flower-ful, decorate, decorative.

I didn't think it would be this cosmopolitan.

Home will be a 19th-century five-bedroomed house.

Is this it?

Wow.

And they'll be staying with two elderly sisters,

70-year-old Prani and 64-year-old Pranum.

Prani's daughter, Wassa, lives next door.

-ALL:

-Hello! Sawatdee kah!

-Nice to see you.

-Thank you.

-Come in, please.

Come on.

-You have to take off your shoes.

-We take off the shoes?

-Yes.

-No problem.

-Take off your shoes, son.

Come into the kitchen, come to the living room.

-Wow.

-Ooh, beautiful, isn't it?

-Great sized kitchen.

-Fantastic.

-This is fabulous. This is great.

How many, how many rooms do you have?

-Bedrooms?

-Actually, we have five.

-Five bedrooms?

-Have you...have you chosen which rooms we're in?

-Ladies obviously have first choice.

-You guys have to choose.

-We have to choose?

-Yes. Ladies choose.

-Let's see the bedroom, shall we?

-I sense this might be ours.

-You sense this might be mine.

-King bed.

-This is fabulous.

-I love this!

-I do too.

-THEY LAUGH

Well, that's the first one. Thank you.

Shall we see the next one?

If I find someplace better than England,

-then I would move there in a nanosecond.

-Actually...

I quite like this. Luggage on one. OK, I'm fine with this.

Ah! Thought so. OK, it's a deal.

I'll take that one, you get this one.

-You can take them up to the double one.

-OK.

I still have to get a whisk to check for snakes.

Other than that, I think I'm all right.

It's not a very good lookout, is it?

It's not very... I need to test this now,

just to see if it is wide enough.

Otherwise I'm going to take her bed away from her.

I'm going to... Hang on, it's...

That's wide enough. Yeah, that's fine.

I'm not going to fall off.

Hello, ladies. What are you making there?

-We prepare drink for you.

-How lovely, thank you.

Yes, it's called colourful butterfly pea tea drink.

-It's nice.

-Tea, did you say?

-Yes.

-Oh, it's a tea.

-Yes.

-Oh, lovely. There we are, darling. They've prepared...

-How are you getting on?

-..prepared us some nice Thai tea.

-Thai tea.

-Iced tea. Yes.

-What an amazing colour.

-Shall we sit down?

-That would be lovely.

-Please. Thank you.

-OK.

So this is Thai herbs.

So it's good. If you eat it, it's good for hair.

-I could do with that.

-Oh!

-You could do with a lot of that.

-The thing about...

the thing about Thai herbs and all these things,

it's the medicines, you use them with all...

doing the medicine, that's right.

And you've lived in this house all your life?

-For 57?

-Since I was...

-12.

-Since you were 12? OK.

-Yes.

What is the significance of taking your shoes off when you come into a

house, is that a religious thing or...?

-Clean.

-What's the custom? Clean.

It's the culture, you see.

-To clean, and respect the people in the house.

-OK.

-And to relax.

-It's a matter of respect.

Yeah, respect. All our life we live here and we still love Chiang-Mai,

because the weather, the people,

and you will feel comfortable when you stay here.

So you try? And before you drink...

-Yeah...

-You put the lemon.

-Squeeze.

-Thank you.

-Squeeze the lemon.

-The lime.

-Squeeze the lemon.

It's the most amazing colour, very trendy.

-You will find some magic will happen.

-Magic?

-Oh, the colour changes, have you seen?

-Oh!

That is so good, though.

My hair's already growing.

THEY LAUGH

-You say in Thai words.

-OK. Pla... Hang on...

-Hang on, my... It's so humid.

-Just try.

This evening, the hosts are making dinner for the group,

and Rosemary has volunteered to buy the ingredients.

SHE ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK THAI

LAUGHTER

HOSTS CORRECT HER THAI

-I hope I bring everything back that you want.

-Yes.

-Thank you so...

-We're waiting for you.

Yes, OK, thanks for that. Great confidence here.

I'm going to be brilliant. Might not have been brilliant earlier,

but I'm going to be brilliant now.

OK, that's better. We've been in those clothes for two weeks,

-it feels like.

-It's 4pm and the late summer heat

means it's a steamy 35 degrees.

# What will this day be like? #

It's quite humid now, isn't it?

-Quite sticky.

-Five minutes from the house,

by the banks of the Ping River,

is the city's oldest and busiest daily market.

Wow, this could be a bit tricky.

Thank you.

-Just keep walking.

-Thank you.

-It's huge.

-I've got my list.

-And I need a hat.

-OK, well, shall we synchronise

watches and be back here at a certain time?

-Shall we go, then?

-Yeah, shall we do it?

-We're looking for snakehead fish.

-Well, this is fish, isn't it?

-Oh, OK.

-You sell fish?

Do you speak English? No.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

Keep going. I thought maybe they'd speak a bit more

English, but that's slightly arrogant of me, I think.

Oh, God, frog. Or toad.

And they're alive.

Seven.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

Whoa, no!

-Is that eels?

-Far too much.

No, no, no, it's fish.

She's killing them. It's very observant of me.

I don't like the way they're doing it.

Do you not...? How else would you like them to be killed?

Not in a packet like that.

-Oh.

-He's a big bugger.

How much money?

SHE SPEAKS THAI

-1,000.

-20 quid, I think, more like.

-Is it 20?

-Yeah.

-Is it 20?

-Yeah.

-That's such a good price.

Hang on, let me say thank you in Thai, I need to say that.

Oh, yes, here we go. Kob khun.

-BOTH:

-Kob khun.

-Kob khun, thank you.

-Kob khun.

Oh, did you want a baseball hat? Or a floppy hat?

-Well, it depends.

-This place is huge, isn't it?

-It's huge.

Lord have mercy. It'll do in a pinch.

20, 40, 90.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Perfect. Have a nice day.

I'd like to buy a fridge.

Here the humidity level is very, very high,

so it's difficult to stop from perspiring.

-All I need is a wet towel.

-THEY LAUGH

The cost is cheap, but the quality is also cheap. We're spending, like,

£4 and you can't even do that at Shepherd's Bush market.

-I rather like walking around the back streets.

-Yes.

-Don't you?

-Well, you get the flavour, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Exactly.

-I want some cotton trousers.

Yes, this sort of thing.

-Oh, look, they're good.

-Do you like those?

They're certainly different. Will you come and do a display for me?

Thank you. Yes. Where do I go?

I follow you? Thank you.

It's a long time since I've watched a man try on some clothes.

I think it's really quite nice.

OK. I like being here watching.

What am I going to say? I could say, "I love them" or,

-"No, you look ridiculous in them!" Or...

-What do you think, Rosemary?

What do you think?

Do you love them?

I actually love them. I think they're mad as blooming hatters.

-What's that?

-SHE LAUGHS

I'll try the other pair on and see if you like them better.

-OK, that's hysterical.

-Thank you.

-I really like them.

He's got the most fabulous figure and he's so fit and suave.

He's very suave and he's got...

He's sort of...

Yes, he's actually still could be a bit of a heart-throb, you know.

What do you think?

-Oh, they're better, actually.

-They're better, aren't they?

-Yes.

-All right, darling, I'll take these.

-Oh, brill, that is good.

-Thank you.

-You look great.

-Thank you.

You've got a boy's figure, it's so not fair.

-399.

-399?

-That's six, seven quid.

-How much?

-Seven quid.

-Oh, yes, very good. OK. Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

Bye.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

-OK.

-Have you got a big enough bowl?

Let's have a look at this now.

I love to see the experts at work.

You've got your shoes on. Take them off now. Quick.

This looks a delicious meal.

Thank you. It's lanna. Lanna sauces.

-Lanna means Northern.

-OK, Northern? Lanna is...?

Yeah, northern Thai.

-And you make it...

-Oh, that's good.

-And we select the best one in Chiang Mai.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-It's really delicious.

On the menu tonight is traditional spicy sausage,

grilled snakehead fish and black rice.

-Well, shall we thank our hosts?

-Thank you for your hospitality.

-Thank you so much.

-Cheers.

-Thank you.

-You don't eat a lot of bread in your diet, do you?

-No.

-But that's good. Good. Very healthy.

-Does it have a name?

-Pla. Pla is fish.

-OK.

SHE LAUGHS

What sort of fish is it? You know?

This is the snake head.

Oh, lovely.

I'm a bit worried about food because my mother couldn't cook,

and wasn't interested in food, and consequently,

that doesn't mean to say that I'm not interested in food, but I'm not.

I grew up eating eggs and bacon and, you know,

if they really got exotic, we'd have a roast beef on Sunday.

I can't eat spicy things, like curries.

-I can't eat curries.

-He hasn't got the constitution.

I don't have... HE has the constitution.

He'll eat anything.

Dennis has got a wonderful constitution.

There are one or two chilli things in there.

Too hot for you?

-SHE LAUGHS

-No, it's delicious.

It's nothing like India.

It's totally on its own here. And it's different.

The heat has been the biggest struggle today and we need to manage

it, I think, is the word, because it is very, very hot.

I can't believe I'm drinking beer.

-You know what beer does, don't you?

-No. Oh, no.

Just shut up.

It's the group's first morning in Chiang Mai.

-Oh, look!

-Wow.

-Fantastic.

Fabulous. Those are the kind of pants I was looking for yesterday.

They're very baggy and probably very good for the old t'ai chi.

Perfect.

It's quiet.

-WHISPERING:

-We're being very quiet.

Today their hosts have arranged for some neighbours to introduce

the group to one of Thailand's most popular activities.

T'ai chi.

-Hello.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-How are you?

-Sawatdee kah.

-I'm Paul.

-Paul, yes.

-Rosemary.

-Rosemary.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

-This is Monica.

-Hello.

-She's from Switzerland.

-Hi.

Mona started because she had back problems,

-and her back problem is better.

-OK.

-The benefit, it's equal to the

-chiropractors, you know, for the heart.

-Really?

-Yes.

Because you sweat a lot. And you can lose, I lost my...

-Tummies.

-Yes.

-It looks to me like a slow karate kid class.

-Yeah.

We call it t'ai chi.

-It means a style martial art from China.

-OK.

HE SPEAKS THAI

Left and right, left and right.

You punch me.

-Like...

-Like this.

-OK. OK.

-But we're not doing it for that.

-We're not doing that.

-We're doing it for exercise.

We'll start with a warm-up first.

-Start with the warm up.

-More technique.

This hand grab...

grab something and twist, twist.

A t'ai chi session typically lasts for up to an hour,

and can involve up to 108 slow continuous movements.

It's quite sore on the knee.

The worst thing about getting old is the aches and pains.

You didn't have them when you were younger.

They are part of the ageing process.

So when you have to live with pain when you get older,

you're going to manage it,

because I'm not going to become a pill popper.

You know, I will take what is prescribed for me,

but you can get into that syndrome where you're living on pills,

and I don't want to go that way. I really don't.

-Ah.

-OK. Ah.

Got you. This is something I would actually get up to do.

My body feels very tingly, which means the circulation is moving.

I'm starting to sense why people want to come here.

It's incredibly quiet.

I'm getting...starting to feel the soul of Thailand and I'm loving it.

In Thailand, retirement can begin at 60.

As well as collecting a small state pension, retirees all over the

country can attend free schools once a week.

-This is fantastic.

-This is it.

In Chiang Mai, local pensioners head to class every Wednesday.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Good morning.

I'm fine, thank you, and you?

-Fantastic, thank you.

-How are you?

-Yes, hello.

-Sawatdee kah.

-Sabai dee kah.

-Everybody has to wear a school uniform.

-Yes.

-We've been told we have to put on...

-Yes. Uniform.

-I haven't worn a...

-Uniform, yes, everyone.

-A school uniform.

We need a bigger, bigger uniform.

-THEY LAUGH

-It's too small.

-Too small, yes.

-I'm trying to conjure up some enthusiasm.

I really am trying hard.

Is that the bus?

The school is located a few miles away in the Doi Saket district.

-See you at recess.

-OK.

So students can hop on a free bus.

OK, we're in this one.

Oh!

Do you speak any English?

-No?

-No English? No.

-No, OK.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-OK.

-OK.

What was your best subject? Tell me, what was your best subject?

I think, probably, I got an A star in looking out the window.

I was very good at that.

-You were a dreamer?

-Yes, I was a dreamer.

I also liked looking at the girls.

-You liked the girls? Yes, yes.

-Yeah.

I was crap at school. I left school at 16.

I'm not a particularly educated guy, to be honest.

I suppose, in a way, it's a sadness.

You know, it kind of makes you feel a little bit inferior.

It's quite grand.

-It is very grand.

-And it looks part temple.

Set up five years ago, the school is part of a scheme to teach Thailand's

ageing population new skills.

THAILAND'S NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS

The day starts with the national anthem.

-I don't know the words.

-It's a good song.

-A very nice song.

It's a nice tune.

-Very orderly.

-Yeah.

THEY SPEAK THAI

You see, they're all quite slim though, aren't they?

-They're not...

-They're all slim, they're tiny.

After the national anthem,

students head to the main hall for the morning's activities.

-All right, Governor?

-Sit here?

-Where do we sit?

-Thai people, when they're meeting,

-say "Sawatdee krub."

-Ah, sawatdee krub.

How old is this lady?

-94.

-94.

-Oh, sawatdee kah.

-Thank you for inviting us.

-Thank you. Thank you.

HE SPEAKS THAI

THEY CLAP

DRUMMING

-What are they doing up there anyway?

-I have no idea.

Dennis, Dennis.

Every new student is introduced to the whole school.

Older people are definitely overlooked in the west.

If you look at any eastern philosophy or culture,

in the communities, the older you get, the more respected you get.

We in the west put our older people out to pasture.

We try to lock them up in an old folks' home.

-My name is Paul. Hello, everyone.

-Hello.

Sabai dee kah.

-Sabai dee kah.

-Sabai dee kah.

-You have to make your hands like this.

-Sabai dee kah.

What are we doing up here?

-What are we going to do?

-To do some activity.

Some dancing or singing.

-You have to do something?

-Yeah.

-You have to do something.

LAUGHTER

-Oh, laughing.

-Laughing.

-Today is laughing.

SHE LAUGHS

The Thais believe that laughing

helps to keep the mind and body healthy -

particularly for the elderly.

LAUGHTER

Everyone is so happy.

-TEACHER SPEAKS THAI

-Dennis.

HE LAUGHS

Rosemary.

What a laugh.

Everybody thinks when you get older,

you don't want to enjoy your life.

Of course you do. You want to go out. You want to have fun.

I will not grow up, because I have to be very adult.

But in life as a person, I'm very childish. I will never change.

And I think that's really important, because that keeps you young.

Very good!

HE SPEAKS THAI THEY LAUGH

It's a nice thing, because it gets everyone laughing and, you know,

it's better than one of Dennis' jokes for sure.

Slippy dippy.

The school has over 300 students, and to graduate,

a strict 70% attendance record is required.

-Are you OK?

-There are classes in health education, technology,

and hand crafts.

This is bamboo, bamboo, material from bamboo.

-I like that.

-It'll take me a while to do that.

Why do people do this?

Yeah.

It's great, cos I think the worst thing for people is to be on

their own, and if they don't have a chance to communicate with others,

it's the worst thing. I mean, loneliness is dreadful.

And a lot of people suffer from it.

The people in this country have great knees and great hips.

Great knees in this country, Everybody's on their knees.

I love it. Chair please.

THEY LAUGH

That's better. Better.

What is so wonderful is they take people from all the villages,

and they all come together.

It's an opportunity to get out and actually do something with yourself.

I'm not sure it's my... It's definitely not my sort of thing.

Absolutely, definitely, without question not my sort of thing.

But, actually, it's quite funny, because I can see the attraction.

-Bye-bye.

-Thank you!

-Bye!

-That could never happen in the UK.

-No, that's true.

They're all sitting in a wheelchair or dribbling from the side.

Hey, listen, we're not dribbling yet, are we? I mean, come on.

We will be...soon.

It gets dark here quite early.

Surprisingly so.

I mean, 7:30, it's getting dark.

I can't work out if this is their summer, their winter, their spring.

# I'm so pretty You're so pretty

# I'm so pretty and witty and gay. #

Tonight, the group have decided to dine out.

# I feel charming You're so charming. #

-Are we going to the same restaurant?

-I hope not.

THEY LAUGH

They're headed ten minutes downtown to one of the city's many

cook-it-yourself barbecue restaurants.

-Sawatdee kah. How are you?

-Hello.

Would you be able to do a table for four people?

-For four? Yeah.

-Please.

-This way please.

-Thank you.

A favourite with locals,

a family of four can eat here all evening for under £20.

It's frozen.

-I won't have that.

-It's frozen.

No, I'll pass on that.

-That's mushroom?

-No. Yeah, this is...

-That's not mushrooms.

No, no, sorry, this is bacon.

Yeah, but it says mushrooms. OK.

This had better be good, of course it's up to me,

because I'm cooking it.

Oh, I can't wait for this.

Is this all right for you, Paul?

Yes.

What's the giggle for?

I'm not a great foodie person.

I don't sort of go, "I must run out and have a Thai curry."

-You know, and you, of course, love food.

-Right.

And so do you, Rosemary. And I think probably you do.

But I don't really have that much interest in food.

-I just eat to survive.

-To survive.

-Yeah.

Do you ever spend hours over a meal and talk?

-No.

-Oh, really?

-We do.

You see, I think eating out is one of the finest things you can do.

-So do I. I agree.

-I think

there's something missing from my make up,

that I don't particularly enjoy sitting there.

If someone asked me to lunch, I think,

"Oh, my God, I'm going to be sitting there for two hours talking to

-"these people and eating."

-Aw!

-And the thought of that...

-Dread.

Not dread, but I don't like to be tied into a situation,

-and having a meal can get you locked in.

-Are you quite anti-social?

I wouldn't say anti-social. I would say erm...

..probably anti-social.

THEY LAUGH

I wish I could be better at being a more rounded person in the sense of

having more friends, being more sociable, being more normal in my

behaviour and doing most things that most people do.

You're just a quiet, shy type person.

A lot of actors hide behind the characters they play,

so they don't have to show themselves to the public.

I think it's a shyness or an insecurity,

and it annoys me that I'm not...

that open to that kind of life.

Well, I'm so pleased that we spent five minutes on me.

I'm more sort of probably verbal diarrhoea.

You're quieter. So, when you talk, people listen to you.

When I talk, nobody listens to me!

THEY LAUGH

A lot of that, when you're talking a long time, is nerves.

-I wouldn't say that. I just talk.

-I would.

I just talk.

-ON VIDEO:

-One, opening of t'ai chi.

It's 7:30am.

-Keep your hands up, pushing out...

-Ah!

T'ai chi has already become a part of my routine,

I've decided yesterday. It feels natural to me,

because I've been doing this kind of thing all my life,

without realising it, so it's a matter of slowing down.

Thailand is famous for alternative medicine.

-Morning.

-So the boys have booked in for an MOT.

Have you got anything that you're going to ask them,

-or are you just going to...?

-Do they do the elixir of long life,

do you think?

My cholesterol levels are normal now, but I'd like to keep them low.

It'll be interesting to see what they're saying.

Do you want to tell us about the limp?

-I love meditation.

-Well, I've never meditated.

-Oh, I've tried.

-Can you calm down to the...?

-Oh, absolutely.

-Oh, I can't. It would be good, though if I could.

-Yeah, but I can't do it.

-OK.

Rosemary has previously tried meditation in India,

and is keen to build on what she's learned so far.

It stops you thinking about everything else in your life.

I have never been successful at winding down,

and that's something that I need to do.

Sheila is accompanying her to a Buddhist meditation retreat in the

-west of the city.

-Isn't this beautiful?

-OK, let's do it.

-Yeah.

Ah, "Foreign Meditation Office," that would be us!

-Foreign Meditation Office!

-Shoes off.

-Avec Vous.

-OK.

Come in.

Morning.

-Welcome.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

My name is Kunsi Li.

-Kunsi Li.

-Yes.

And this is my boss...

-Pat Dhanyel.

-Pat Dhanyel.

As of now, because you are here,

you need to fill in the application form first.

-OK.

-We need to keep the... Take the phone away from you.

-The phone?

-Uh-huh.

-No talking.

-No... No telephone?

-Silence.

-Oh, I see.

-Ah!

-That will be interesting thing for us, won't it?

-Ah, silence!

-So, no phone.

So, when you're here with us, no talking.

-OK, no phones...

-No phones, be quiet, be with yourself.

I will take you to the room to dress you up,

and then take you to the teacher,

and he will teach you how to do meditation.

-This is for you.

-Big. I'm a big lady.

-Ah-huh.

Well, don't we look sexless!

-Look at it!

-Well, you are a voluptuous woman.

That's your laundry down there.

Is that lucky? Did you see that black cat?

-Black cat, yeah.

-Is that unlucky?

It's unlucky, isn't it?

-Sawatdee kah.

-Sawatdee kah. How are you?

Mr Taylor and Mr Nicholas.

Mr Taylor, can you please...?

-Yes, I...

-..fill in this form?

-No problem.

In Thailand, traditional therapies

are often more popular than Western medicine.

Shoulder and scapula is not good, too.

And your back - really hard, really tight.

Centuries old, Thai medicine uses a combination of herbal remedies,

massage and spiritual healing.

When you have the big belly, and then you have the lower back pain...

We have after the massage, we keep the medicine deep-cleaning detox,

for you take care of yourself home.

-Right, so the medicine also for cholesterol, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Here he is.

-Right, ready to go.

-You feeling OK?

-Yes.

And you have...

accident before?

Yeah, I fell off and did my spine in, off a horse.

-Oh, the horse.

-Yeah, I fell off a horse.

And the only other thing I have a problem with is,

I have a little bit of acidic reflex, you know,

-when there's a little bit too much acid.

-OK.

-Other than that,

-I'm half dead!

-HE LAUGHS

The worst thing about growing old is...

Er, hang on, let me just think for a minute.

I suppose the worst thing about growing old

is not being able to do what you did when you were young -

erm, without being arrested.

-OK?

-Yes.

What are you going to do with that?!

But other than that, not really a lot has changed.

I've still got a little bit of a twinkle - whatever that means!

I think we're getting to the good bit!

HE LAUGHS

Oh!

It's got to be good!

Everything else is terrific, you know.

Dennis has been prescribed a vigorous massage

and vibration therapy - an ancient remedy for muscle tension.

Paul, never had this one before, the old hammer and chisel!

Good morning.

Good morning. What is your name?

My name is Chung Yim.

Everybody call me Bhikkhuni.

-Bhikkhuni.

-Yes.

-Bhikkhuni.

-Yes.

-What does that mean?

Bhikkhuni means "female monk".

-Female monk.

-Oh, there ARE female monks!

-Yes.

-We'll follow you.

-Yes.

-Please.

-I love your outfit.

Loved that. That was fabulous.

-Look at her, she's so slim.

-We could change our whole wardrobe.

Look how serene she is, she's like...like from another world.

Everyone who comes to the retreat

is given an induction into the basics of Buddhist meditation.

Please have a seat.

-Thank you.

-Oh, terrific.

You face.

Lifting, lifting, lifting.

Bending, bending, bending.

Buddhist meditation uses four main positions...

Now, we walking meditation.

..standing, walking, lying and sitting.

Intention to walk. Intention to walk. Intention to walk.

I like the spiritual side of life.

Meditation, I do do it occasionally, but what I do is,

I do tend to go to sleep, and it's a bit of a problem.

-Turning...

-Oh, it's north, south, east, west.

And I was kicked out of a class once because I was snoring too much,

because I was putting everybody off.

Sitting meditation.

I don't think he's happy with our...

I don't think he's happy with our feet.

Ah, yes, in Thai culture you cannot put feet in the Buddha...

You cannot put feet TOWARDS the Buddha.

Yeah, to the Buddha.

-OK. This is not...

-OK, let's see what we can do.

-Try, yes.

-I can't sit on my knees, I'm sorry.

What do people with bad knees do when they want to meditate?

-They can't meditate?

-You can sit on your chair.

Oh, thank you, OK.

I was just wondering

if they couldn't be religious like everybody else.

-Yes, sit on your chair.

-Thank you.

Do you have a chair?

-I'd love a chair.

-I do want to go home not a cripple.

-Thank you.

-Oh, that's better!

Thank you.

Standing.

-I will show you another place outside.

-Yes.

Did you see the look he was giving me?

He wasn't at all, he was concentrating on what he was doing.

They're here to teach us, that's what they're doing.

But they ain't teaching.

It's relaxing! Stop thinking about yourself so much.

-That's true.

-And stop thinking, and relax,

and take it all away from your head. You're thinking from your head.

Well, how...? Where else are you going to think from?

Think from here, think about relaxing.

-OK!

-Think from your...

-Yes.

-Am I...? Yes. It's true.

OK, let's all relax!

-You can do it.

-It's relaxing time.

-Come on.

-Yes, it's... Come on, don't think from your head so much.

-OK.

-OK? Seriously. Sheila was fighting it -

she's just thinking into it too much about the other people,

what she's doing right, whether she's doing it wrong...

Doesn't matter whether you're doing wrong - you're here to learn.

HE CHANTS IN THAI AND THEY REPEAT

When I'm out of my comfort zone, I can go off.

I certainly do not live in the moment.

I find that very difficult,

because I'm always thinking about the next move, the next thing.

I don't live in the present, ever.

I now have blessing for you. Have a long life.

I can't enjoy the now because of the future.

And what I am trying to do is enjoy the now,

because I've got so much now time.

-OK, you ready?

-Yeah.

Ah, yes.

Just what I needed!

Good for your stomach.

Somebody told me you had fire in your belly, Paul!

-Yeah...

-It's herbal, it's come deep for your stomach.

-Yeah, it's getting a bit hot now, darling.

-OK. Feel hot?

-Is it?

-It's beginning to burn me.

OK.

Known locally as the hotpot, traditional Thai medicine

believes the burning herbs cure stomach and back pain.

I can't see a thing.

You're on fire, basically.

I'm quite a hairy chap.

Luckily, they're ginger.

-But I could go up in flames here.

-Yeah.

Woody Woodpecker's back.

I'm just beginning to get to know you now.

-Yeah, bless you.

-Can I tell you why?

-Why?

-You put a huge barrier up.

-Oh, I know.

-When I first saw you, and I first met you...

-Yeah.

-Erm...

-I don't let people in, I really don't.

You don't let people in at all.

-Nope.

-But I could feel that.

-Mmm.

-And what I've tried to do with you, let me tell you...

-Oh, bless!

-I've tried to relax you.

-Have you?

-Yeah. To feel...

-So you could feel...trust me.

-Well, it worked. It worked.

-Yeah, and that's what I've tried to do with you.

-I feel used now!

No, you're not used.

How can I get to know you if you don't become the real you?

You're negative, on a...

-On...

-I'm sceptical.

No. You sort of sometimes look on the bad side.

-Yeah, I do. I do.

-I want you today, for the rest of the day...

-OK.

-..to only look on the bright side.

Oh, God, that's a task, isn't it?!

OK. How could a monk look at you in a certain way?

-I know.

-He's not going to be interested in you...

Well, exactly, they don't even...

-He doesn't even know you!

-They don't get married!

You're judging before it happens.

-Yeah.

-You are too quick a judge.

-I am.

-So, stop being so judgmental...

-I am. OK.

-And what you need to do is just be more open.

-Yeah.

-And I think that will... That will help you a lot more.

OK, I'll give it a shot.

-I'll give it a shot.

-Seriously, just see what happens.

-OK, because I...

-Because I noticed that.

OK, that's good, thank you for telling me that.

It's OK. I wish you'd say something bad about me.

No... Well, I was going to, but it's not a bad thing.

You were complaining about your trousers.

Because of that, you felt insecure and self-conscious.

-Yes.

-But you are incredibly sexy.

There's something... Let me finish.

There's something... No, listen to me, take it in!

-I'm not sexy.

-Yes...

-I'm the least sexy person in the world!

Don't worry about it - you glow, you have a glow.

-This has been amazing.

-Yeah.

Oh, I know!

-I know! I didn't expect this, I really didn't expect this!

-No.

It was very painful.

-Oh, was it?

-Well, can you imagine a metal claw on your back?

-Oh, I'd love it.

-Would you?

-Oh, I'd love it!

She then put this kind of towel round me, and then lit the herbs.

-Sorry?!

-So, I had a flame coming from my stomach!

-I had looked over...

-I'm like the devil, with a flame here!

You guys are joking, aren't you?

This is hysterical!

I have to say, it was very funny when I looked over at Dennis,

there was this guy, seriously, with a chisel and a hammer,

hammering his back!

I thought he was going to come out this chiselled Adonis!

I've actually quite enjoyed this country, from what I've seen.

Yeah - me, too.

But there's a kind of nice easiness about it, isn't there?

Rents in Chiang Mai are cheap,

but Westerners hoping to buy

are limited to one of the modern high-rise apartments.

I like to look at property wherever I go anyway,

just to see what you can get.

Yeah. This looks... This is quite a nice-looking building.

It's... Isn't it lovely?

Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Sawatdee kah.

Thank you.

-Oh, this is very nice.

-Oh, I like that.

Prices in this block start from £100,000.

Do you have something that's unoccupied, that we could look at?

Yes, we have a room.

But Sheila's keen to see the finest that money can buy.

-Shoes off, please.

-Shoes off, thank you.

This is beautiful.

Before we go around, how much?

£570,000.

-Oh, that's very cheap.

-£570,000.

-Yes.

-£570,000.

-You get a lot for that here.

-Unfurnished?

-Fully furnished.

-Fully furnished?

-Fully furnished?

-Yes.

So, you could buy one with all furniture like this?

-Yes.

-How many bedrooms?

-570...

-Two bedrooms.

-So, two-bed...

-Three bathrooms.

Is this the most expensive one, this?

-Yes.

-Is it a lot of money for a Thai person, this place?

-Yes - you must be very, very rich.

-You must be very wealthy.

You wouldn't get this in...

This would be £2 million or £3 million, if not more, in London.

Another big attraction for Westerners in Chiang Mai

-is the booming dental business.

-Hello!

Sawatdee kah.

Well, I've come. My name is Rosemary Schrager,

I've got an appointment to have some teeth whitening.

-Shall I sit over here?

-Yes, please.

Costs are a fraction of the price of private dental work in the UK.

I must have spent, so far, £500-600 on my teeth,

and it hasn't changed a single thing.

That I can't do.

That I can't do... I've had guards made, gels put in.

I've actually tried quite a lot and spent quite a lot.

Now, here, I believe they do it really quite well,

so I'm giving it one final go.

Let's see if it works.

But the problem is, actually, you don't see my teeth when I smile.

-Hello!

-Oh, hello.

Sawatdee kah.

-Hello.

-Please come in.

-Are you ready for me?

-Yes.

Thank you so much.

This way, please.

Haven't broken the chair already?

-Sorry!

-I've broken...!

-I've broken the chair already!

-THEY LAUGH

I've only been here for two minutes!

-OK!

-Oh, there we go!

-OK, sorry.

It's all right, don't worry.

Open your mouth, please.

-MUFFLED:

-Oh, thank you. I can't speak.

With some procedures almost a quarter of the price of the UK,

£180 will get you two hours of teeth cleaning and UV whitening.

-You can ask me to stop.

-Mm-hmm.

-OK, but...

-If you can continue...

-Mm-hmm.

..it's better, because if you stop, the colour will stop, too.

-Mm-hmm.

-Is that OK?

-Mm-hmm.

-If it's too much, tell me.

-Mm-hmm.

-Look at this.

-And here's the highest swimming pool in Chiang Mai.

-Wow!

How fabulous!

It's not very large for this building, is it?

No, but it's large enough, though, for a little dip.

To buy in Thailand, I could easily see the appeal,

but it's too gaudy for me,

it's too Liberace for my taste!

I think you would maybe get this for 500, you could get at least...

-It's still a lot.

-It's still a lot.

Because I find it small.

SNORING

The whitening treatment takes two long hours to complete.

-SHE MURMURS

-Oh, dear...

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

So, this is before.

So, after, it's maybe about this colour, for the front teeth....?

Oh, that's...

That's perfect!

Thank you so much! Thank you very much indeed.

Wow! I fell asleep, you know.

Did I snore badly?

Did I snore?

-Did I?

-Yeah!

Was it...?

-Was it loud?

-Er...

Was it...? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I can't help it.

I just fall asleep everywhere.

Thank you so much.

Ah! My teeth, they feel lovely, actually. Mmm, they feel great!

Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...

Thousand. So, that's 50 quid.

A thousand is... A thousand is...

-30 quid.

-..is, er, £20.

-I'm loaded!

It's nearing the end of the group's day in Chiang Mai,

so they're gearing up for a night out.

-OK, guys, let's go. Let's go.

-Are we off?

-Tuk tuks!

Ten minutes downtown

is one of the city's most colourful nightspots.

The night bazaar?

And away!

The thing is, these are always made for short people.

Very noisy!

Originally set up by Chinese merchants...

Look at Sheila, it's not easy to get out of here!

..Chiang Mai's residents descend on the nightly market

for food and entertainment.

Let's have a mango ice cream.

Fabulous. I thought you might want mango.

-Paul, you don't want an ice cream, do you?

-No, I don't, no.

Just a small one for me.

-It's a large one for me!

-LAUGHTER

ALL GREET EACH OTHER

Hi, ladies.

Do you have a show nearby, a club nearby?

-Yes.

-Where is that?

-Over there.

-What time?

-9.30.

-Ah, 9.30.

-Yeah.

-9.30?

-Expensive to get in, is it expensive?

-No.

-Free to get in?

No! 290 baht, for you, sir.

-Oh, great.

-Yes.

-290 for one person. And are you all in the show?

-Yes.

-You all look fabulous. Fabulous.

-We enjoy together.

-Thank you.

It's an amazing market.

It's a bit... Oh! Oh!

-How much?

-100 baht.

For 15 minutes? Oh, yum!

-Go on!

-Yeah!

THEY BOTH YELP

To mark the end of their time in the city,

the group have decided to take in a show.

It's three to get in, isn't it?

-How are you?

-290?

-Sawatdee kah!

-290.

You look very smart - very smart.

Welcome to Chiang Mai Cabaret!

-Thank you very much, thank you.

-Follow me, follow me.

-Follow you!

-Thank you, darling.

Known by many as the third gender,

some of Thailand's lady boys

are amongst the country's most popular entertainers.

-TANNOY:

-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

# I'm gonna live forever

# I'm gonna learn how to fly

# I'm gonna make it together

# Baby, remember... #

It's always interesting to see what people enjoy to look at,

in terms of their entertainment.

I have an interest in musicals, plays, songs -

and I love to perform.

I don't really have any other interests,

because most of my life has been through musicals.

SONG ENDS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I would like to ask four guys

-to come and join enjoy together with me, please.

-Go on!

-Gentlemen, can we have four guys?

-Come on. Come, on, Paul.

I would say I was more introvert than extrovert.

And the only time I'm really an extrovert is when I'm performing.

And that's my release.

-Bloody good sports.

-All right! Thank you so much, guys!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I love the music, I love the dancing, and I love the girls.

And to take part in the show was a special moment for me, actually,

to take part in that.

I'm getting a bit emotional.

I absolutely adored it.

I guess I'm getting emotional because I'm an older guy now

and it kind of takes you back.

It takes you through all your memories.

All the shows you've done...

..and all the people you work with.

Kind of brings it all back, really.

I don't know why I'm like this, it's ridiculous.

-Rosemary.

-Hello.

-This is Nat. Do you want to sit down, darling?

Rosemary is a very famous chef in the UK.

-Oh.

-And Sheila is very famous.

You know the song, When Will I See You Again?

Oh, my God!

Are you men during the day and women at night?

-No, I am a lady.

-You're a lady?

All the time.

-I am a lady already.

-Transgender.

-Fantastic.

It's fascinating, but the music was so loud, I hated it.

But they were beautiful. Some of them were stunningly beautiful.

Pretty impressed really.

These boy-girl-boys, pretty impressive.

Pretty impressive people.

Anyway, but...I don't really know what to say.

Do you know what? I'm speechless!

-Hiya, Dennis.

-I'm going to expose the legs today.

-Oh, love!

-Oh, lovely!

My white Irish legs.

It's the group's final day in Thailand.

Are you pretty good at home, Paul?

-Around the kitchen?

-Oh, yes, I do a lot of cooking.

-That's good.

His wife told me that Paul has got a black belt in cooking.

She said he'll kill you with one chop.

It's too early, Dennis, it's just too early, all right?

It's too early. No, stop, can you stop for one hour?

Hello.

Good morning.

ALL EXCHANGE GREETINGS IN THAI

Before they head home,

their hosts have invited the group

to take part in an ancient Thai custom.

# When will I see you again? #

-Bless you.

-The Three Degrees.

-Yes, yes.

-It's my age, also.

-Yes, and my age, too.

Oh, look at all this fish.

Wow.

Buddhists believe that freeing a captive animal back into the wild

can bring luck and prosperity.

Ah, that's what I want, I want a catfish, this one.

This one, OK.

I'll have that one on the floor.

To save it.

-What about you, Dennis?

-Dennis?

That small one, yeah.

They're obviously dying a horrible death.

You see, my father was a fisherman all the time.

But I don't particularly like seeing...

-I don't like seeing it.

-There's some on the ground here.

I don't like seeing it.

Anyway, the good thing about it is that we're going to release some.

We're going to save some, which is actually rather good.

-We get one each, do we?

-Yeah.

-Thank you, darling, marvellous.

You don't know how lucky you are, boy.

Three miles across town

in the grounds of an ancient temple, is Lake Wat Umong.

See, you can see a lot of fish.

We can see the fish, yeah.

-Turtle.

-Oh, a turtle, see the big turtle.

Is this where we release the fish?

Yes. And you can pray.

Whatever you need. Good health, good life, and go back with safe trip.

Put the bag in the water.

Put the bag in the water.

-HOST RECITES PRAYER IN THAI

-There it goes. Go on, little fish.

-Something like that.

-Yes.

Good luck and peace on earth.

I'm going to take an awful lot away from here

about accepting the moment in time.

That's going to be quite hard, but actually,

it's sort of peaceful and lovely.

This has been, I think,

Thailand has been almost life-changing for me,

in a funny sort of way.

I think the idea behind the Buddhist faith

is that if you do good on this earth,

you'll come back as something special.

So, if you behave like a rat,

you'll probably come back as a rat.

If you behave like a nice, good person,

you'll come back as a good person and have a good life.

It's a tortoise. Very nice.

Look at that.

I see the allure for people to come here and retire.

I feel a calmness and a happiness that I can't explain.

I don't feel teary, I don't feel sad about death,

I don't feel sad about life.

I just feel happy at this particular moment.

He knows, look at that, the tortoise down there.

Oh, he's having a ball now.

I've certainly enjoyed the experience.

I bet my old dad was watching down

when I released the fish, I would imagine.

Thailand, it's certainly making me think

about the spiritual side of things.

I might start going back to church again

and take my children to church.

It's a very peaceful place.

It's very, very peaceful.

# Feed the birds... #

Oh, go away!

No, go away.

Sorry, sorry!

I'm shouting. I'm so sorry.

You're wearing one, aren't you?

Oh, no, it wasn't, was it?

-Good luck, good luck.

-A pigeon landed.

-It bless you.

-Is that a blessing?

-The pigeon personally blessed me.

How very lovely of him.

-I'll live forever now.

-Yes.