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There's a lot of high expectation for somebody who's got autism | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
to actually conform to society's rules. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
What's it like to grow up in a world that views you differently? | 0:00:09 | 0:00:13 | |
How do you really become an adult | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
when everyone treats you like a child? | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
People like me don't understand what's real and what's not real. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
But I still see him as a little four-year-old. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
I don't think and operate like everyone else. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
I just go with the flow. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
I follow the lives of three autistic young men | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
as they negotiate the everyday struggles of growing up. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:38 | |
I can see you. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
Looking for love... | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm the beholder. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
..desperate for work... | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
Give me that job. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:48 | |
..and longing for independence. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
Get that out of my face, then! | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
Is it... | 0:00:53 | 0:00:54 | |
Is it cos I'm autistic? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
This is Tom. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
He's 15. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
He lives in Kent with his mum, | 0:01:08 | 0:01:12 | |
dad, four brothers, a sister, a dog and two cats. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:18 | |
In many ways, Tom is like any other teenager. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
Tom, are you having a shower this morning? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
In the mornings, it's terrible. You wake up to...it's like a war zone. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:32 | |
Hurry up. Don't leave it too long. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:36 | |
But there's one thing that makes Tom different. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
Do you exactly know what autism is? | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Um, yeah, sort of. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
It's like, um... | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
I can't do certain things, | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
um, and that I'm different to other people. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
And... | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
like, there's parts of your brain that, | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
um, can't work or something. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
He's got a problem with his brain and it's trouble for him to learn stuff | 0:02:03 | 0:02:07 | |
and he doesn't learn stuff as quick as us. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
When I'm with other people, I just can't laugh | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
for some reason or, like, shout. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
-But does that bother you? -Sometimes. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
Autism is a developmental condition which affects | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
1 in every 100 people born. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
People with autism view the world as a strange and often confusing place. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:36 | |
They have trouble communicating and interacting | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
in the same way as everyone else. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
I would like to be a little more confident around people | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
and things like that. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:47 | |
Thomas isn't like other teenagers because of his level of maturity. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
I have tried to do something to make her, um... | 0:02:51 | 0:02:55 | |
just to make her see that I've grown up a bit and stuff, | 0:02:55 | 0:02:59 | |
but she just never will trust me. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
That's one of the reasons I don't let him go out with other people, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
because I feel he'd be taken advantage of. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Tom attended a mainstream school up until the age of 14. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:12 | |
He was then placed in a specialist school 15 miles away. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:17 | |
I've changed quite a bit, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
um, since I moved school last year. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:23 | |
All the people from my old school | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
don't like me very much for some reason, | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
I'm not a very popular person. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
Do you like it at your new school better? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
Yeah, a bit, cos people, um, aren't calling you tramp | 0:03:32 | 0:03:37 | |
and stuff like that | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
and, um, just going to try and trip you up and stuff. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:44 | |
Those people bullied you? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
That must have been horrible. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
He wants to be like all the other kids out there, | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
doing what they're doing. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
He wants a girlfriend and he wants a group of friends around him | 0:03:56 | 0:04:01 | |
and he wants the independence as well. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
It's a real shame because he's being denied a life that he wants. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:07 | |
Tom's older brother James is throwing a party in the back garden | 0:04:12 | 0:04:17 | |
to celebrate his 19th birthday. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
Tom's autism can make social situations daunting. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:25 | |
I'm a bit nervous that, | 0:04:25 | 0:04:26 | |
um, my brother might smoke up a load of stuff | 0:04:26 | 0:04:32 | |
and make people laugh at me. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
I just want them to think I was just normal, | 0:04:33 | 0:04:37 | |
be the same as everyone else, like, join in and, | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
like, just have friends and stuff. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
When I'm in the car and I can see a group of people playing football | 0:04:45 | 0:04:49 | |
and all on bikes and just having fun together, | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
and I've never actually done that with people. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
I like to drink. When I'm drunk, I feel confident and not so shy. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:05 | |
Have you chatted to any girls yet? | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
No, not really. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
I always knew Tom at school. Tom was well shy at school. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
I never, ever heard Tom speak at all in school, ever. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
You know, the whole four years that I knew him | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
and I never heard you talk at all. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
Good to hear him talk finally after four years. How d'you find school? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
Well, yeah, it's a bit better. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
-He's a good lad at the end of the day, even if he didn't talk. -You look exactly like James. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:56 | |
It's amazing. Yeah, you can tell they're brothers. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
Come on then, let's dance. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
We're going to dance. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:19 | |
'Autism has a wide spectrum and individuals can often show | 0:06:52 | 0:06:58 | |
'a keen interest or high level of ability in other areas of their lives. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:02 | |
'For 23-year-old Oli, it's drums and history.' | 0:07:02 | 0:07:08 | |
So Henry V, when was he born? | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
He was born in 1389, England, son of Henry Bolingbroke, | 0:07:12 | 0:07:18 | |
who was Henry IV, | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
who usurped the throne from Richard II. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:24 | |
Oli has high functioning autism. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
People like him can show an impressive knowledge in their | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
favourite subjects, masking the true depth of their disability. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:34 | |
I see myself as a bit of a wolf for some reason. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
Wolves - I find wolves a very masculine animal and, | 0:07:39 | 0:07:45 | |
being what I am... | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
Regardless of his abilities and knowledge, | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Oli has spent the last four years trying to get his first paid job. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
As soon as I left school I was very belligerent, almost, | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
about actually getting a job, any job at all. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:03 | |
I was very eager to, um, have routine. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:08 | |
We know that Oliver and other young people like him | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
absolutely need routine | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
and they need structure. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
My criminal mug shot. Have you seen this man? | 0:08:15 | 0:08:20 | |
Finally, last year, aged 22, | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
Oli found temporary work with help from the National Autistic Society. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:27 | |
We're going to cross over. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
He has a temporary contract stamping books at the British Library. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Bye. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:36 | |
STATION PA: King's Cross. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Right, you'll find it's a bit ruck and tuck getting on. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:46 | |
But this commute will be one of Oli's last, | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
as his temporary contract is up at the end of the week. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
After that, he's out of work. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
This is actually officially my last week. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
Things that I will miss is the camaraderie of the workforce. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
I'll miss the companionship of some of the guys there. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
Cos I'm quite out loud sort of person in the office, | 0:09:08 | 0:09:12 | |
to me it's a matter of pride. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
I style my attitude almost like the samurai. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Like Oli, many people with autism lead their lives | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
around routine and repetition, | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
without which life can seem chaotic. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
To Oli, this job was more than just a place to work. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:35 | |
This is where I work. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
I work in this side of the British Library, but I go in Gate 8. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:41 | |
I'm now about to get my work pass out. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
Are you sad? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Yeah. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
So what does the future hold? | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Perfect world, me in a permanent job, | 0:09:53 | 0:09:57 | |
earning a reasonable wage. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
My ideal world, but reality might say otherwise, so, | 0:09:59 | 0:10:05 | |
as is often the way, you dream of something that will never quite work out. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
-Mum. -What? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
Mum, he's attacking Josh. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:27 | |
Who is? What's the matter with you? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
He threw a pillow at my face when I was watching telly. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
-I dropped it into your face, yeah? -Retard. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
I sometimes sit in that little hut thing when I'm angry or something. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:43 | |
-What makes you angry? -Um, when me and my dad fight and stuff like that. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:48 | |
He's angry with near enough everything and everyone. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
Why do you fight, do you think? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
Um, cos my dad's an idiot. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
Since puberty, he's become much more aggressive, much more violent, | 0:11:04 | 0:11:09 | |
he doesn't seem to care now who he upsets | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
or what he says would upset people. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
He seems to have lost all his compassion for other people. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
It's quite weird the way he's changed in the last few years, | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
cos he used to be a really quiet little kid at home | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
and he used to be quite smiley all of the time and then, | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
as he got to about secondary school age, | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
he totally changed and just became like a moody teenager really, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
but a bit more extreme than that. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
My mum treats me like a kid | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
and my dad just acts the same to everyone. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
He's hit me before now. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:43 | |
He's hit my mum a few times and he's threatened my dad with a knife | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
quite a few times as well. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
The time he pulled the knife out in the kitchen on my dad, | 0:11:48 | 0:11:52 | |
they called the police. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
When he pulled the knife out on me, | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
that was the worst that time, cos he lunged forward as well. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
I wouldn't actually use it, though. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
I was just trying to scare him off. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
Even the dog's learned to stay away from Tom. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
When Tom's around, the dog will just go in the other room. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
I kicked a hole here. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Do you remember why? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Cos mum upset me with something and I just kicked a hole in there. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
Why did she...? | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Tom, you was the one who broke that hole. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
'In the last year, Tom has run away three times.' | 0:12:34 | 0:12:40 | |
Where did you run to last time? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
My nan's caravan. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
He absconded from home and he disappeared all day, | 0:12:44 | 0:12:49 | |
all through the night, and we had police search out for him. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
There was over 100 police and there was, | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
like, the whole front of our garden was full up with police cars | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
and all up the road. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
They was all like, "Oh, there you are," | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
and then they all just walked off. It was stupid. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
He's had this teddy since he was about two. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
And although it's sort of banished to the back of the cupboard, I've noticed it's still there. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:14 | |
A Led Zeppelin album, Slipknot and The Ultimate Metal, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
The 40 Year Old Virgin, The Sooty Show. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
It is strange. It's like this is who he is, this is what he enjoys, | 0:13:24 | 0:13:29 | |
this is what he understands, | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
but all these other things are what boys his age are usually looking at. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:35 | |
He wants to watch them because this is what boys his age do, | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
but he gets far more enjoyment out of watching Sooty. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:44 | |
Mum always treats me like a baby, but when I, like, | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
do serious things like have fights with my dad, | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
that's when my mum starts talking to me like an older person. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:59 | |
Like, she goes... | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
Well, she says, like, complicated words and stuff like that. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:05 | |
Yeah, I would like to live alone. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
-Do you know why? -Not any arguments and fighting and stuff like that. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:13 | |
What do you like about being on your own when you're here? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
Um, well, I can just be myself. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
Are you not yourself in front of anyone else? | 0:14:22 | 0:14:26 | |
Um, not completely. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
I can be a little bit weird. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
I've been known to talk to myself or something like that. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
Or, like, there's something in my head | 0:14:35 | 0:14:39 | |
and, like, I'm looking at that and it says it's wrong or something, | 0:14:39 | 0:14:43 | |
and I end up saying it to myself without realising. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:49 | |
I get a bit upset that my friends don't sometimes think | 0:14:49 | 0:14:54 | |
the same way as me. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:55 | |
I would like to be, like, famous and see myself on telly, | 0:14:55 | 0:15:00 | |
like, playing my guitar, or singing or something. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
What would you like about being famous? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Just to be popular, cos I'm not like a very popular person. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
Who's that from? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
"This is my address. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
"Dear Tom, you make me feel special every single day. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:37 | |
"When I talk to you, my worries fade away. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
"From your Honey Bunny." Hmm. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:44 | |
And her address - that's a bit worrying - Peterborough. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
I'm going to take that for safekeeping, | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
just in case he decides to jump on a train and head up that way. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Will you actually take that from his room? | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
I'd rather he didn't have it, | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
because if he gets the hump one day and decides he's going to find out | 0:15:57 | 0:16:02 | |
how to get to this address, he'll do it, | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
and I'd rather take that risk away. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
Autism can make forming relationships extremely difficult. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:17 | |
Alex is 24 and looking for love. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
Thank you. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
I would treat a woman romantically and with respect. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
Say she's beautiful, also kiss her hand occasionally. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
-Do you think you'd be a good boyfriend? -Yes. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
Around half of adults with autism still live with their parents. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
Alex lives at home with his mum, Peggy, | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
and has a type of autism called Asperger's syndrome. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
It would be nice if you met a girl who was part of a family, | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
just looking for a nice guy, who's honest | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
and doesn't like to go drinking too much | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
-and doing other dodgy things and... -Mmm. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
Whilst people like Alex can have above average intelligence, | 0:17:02 | 0:17:06 | |
they can find relationships and communicating complicated. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
I hope that it would be somebody like you. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
There's very good things about Asperger's | 0:17:16 | 0:17:20 | |
that are good things to have in a boyfriend. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
You'll be on time and you'll be... | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
-Honest. -You're honest and you won't mess them about and... | 0:17:26 | 0:17:31 | |
They'd have to understand that you like things a certain way sometimes | 0:17:31 | 0:17:35 | |
and can't explain why you don't. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
And you don't really want to have someone who's... | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
-Smokes or drinks too much. -Yeah... | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
-Takes drugs. -Heavy drinker, yeah. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
I just go with the flow. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
Do you not think that you might be taken advantage of? | 0:17:46 | 0:17:50 | |
Yeah, but I'll go with the flow. If they're taking advantage, I'll stop. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
You don't have to have a girlfriend. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
-That's the other thing you need to know. -I'm not having a boyfriend! -That's not what I mean! | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
Alex has put his efforts into finding love online. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
I'm on most of them. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:26 | |
Last time I paid is on Match.com for £22.80 for one month. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:31 | |
And so how many people have contacted you on this? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:35 | |
Oh, replying to me, I think, nothing. Nothing much. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:40 | |
So you're doing all the pursuing? | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
Yes. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
And what's your criteria in a woman? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
5'6" to 6'5". | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
Would 6'5" be a bit tall? | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
Well, roughly my height, to be honest. I am not sure. | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
I don't mind what colour eyes or what colour hair. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
Any ethnics, any faith, | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
any education, any language, | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
any profession, any amount of money, no way on the smoking. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:17 | |
-What if you met a really nice girl but she smoked? -I wouldn't mind. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:21 | |
I'm not picky, as I say. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
What comes with a girlfriend that you're looking for? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Someone to look after me and I'll look after her in return. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:30 | |
What other things would you like to do with a girlfriend? | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
To have a family. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
To go out and do stuff with. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Like bowling, and meet their mates and vice versa. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:43 | |
I'm a man and a man needs a woman! | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
Tom has also been talking online, and despite the uneasy atmosphere | 0:19:52 | 0:19:57 | |
in the house, Tom's told his mum he wants his girlfriend to visit. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:02 | |
Tom? Who is this girl that's coming? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
What's her name? When's she supposed to be coming? | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
I kept asking you every week and you kept saying no. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
-Well, that's right. -It's in three weeks. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
-In three weeks? -Yeah. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
Don't you think her mum and dad ought to phone me, please? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:21 | |
Mummy, fix the coat. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
Is that OK? | 0:20:25 | 0:20:26 | |
Well, can you give her my number so she can phone me? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
Cos I don't know if her parents can come. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
There's loads of step-parents there. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
What do you mean, loads of step-parents? | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
She's got her mum and her mum's boyfriend, who she hates, | 0:20:36 | 0:20:40 | |
and her dad, who lives in Scotland. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
So, who is there to say she can come or she can't? | 0:20:43 | 0:20:47 | |
She said her dad would drop her here. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
What, from Scotland? And he's going to go all the way to Peterborough | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
to bring her all the way here? | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
-Well, could you get him to phone me to let me know that? -Mm-hm. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Surely her dad would not want her to just be dropped off | 0:20:58 | 0:21:03 | |
at some stranger's house. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
Yeah, her dad has another family, though. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
It doesn't matter how many families you've got. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
Surely he's got some common sense. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
Will you let her stay, Lisa? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
Well, I don't know, really. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
I don't know anything about her. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
I don't know how old she is, if she's got her parents' permission, | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
I don't know anything at all. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
I don't know, really. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
No, probably not. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
Can I have that, Tom, cos I don't want it broken for tomorrow. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:33 | |
'It's Oli's first day of unemployment.' | 0:21:38 | 0:21:41 | |
So how are you feeling today, when you sort of woke up? | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
Well, when I woke up, I think to myself, "My God, it's all over, | 0:21:45 | 0:21:50 | |
"back where I am now, boring, numb." | 0:21:50 | 0:21:54 | |
When you read things like, "Dear Oliver, what can one say? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:58 | |
"It's been a joy knowing you | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
"and working with you and you will be really missed in the office. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:04 | |
"You're a special person and special people reap good things in life. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:09 | |
"You are so funny and bubbly. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
"I hope you'll always stay like that. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
"I wish you all the best in your future." | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
It's really hard to close that chapter, | 0:22:16 | 0:22:20 | |
wondering whether it can ever be found again. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:24 | |
Once I came home I realised that | 0:22:26 | 0:22:30 | |
I was probably never going to get that opportunity again in some ways, | 0:22:30 | 0:22:37 | |
cos I'm now faced with the great curse of a blank canvas. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:42 | |
There you go. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:43 | |
-Back to where I was before I even got the job. -Yes. -Again. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:47 | |
I've got the folder of all the jobs that you've applied for. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
There's this whole list of them. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
He's got another form that he brought home yesterday. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
Me and 4½ million people are saying and doing the same. | 0:22:56 | 0:23:01 | |
Murders, murders, murders. All they've got to say is about murders. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:07 | |
Cleaning? No. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
Don't you fancy cleaning? | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
No, it's not a man's thing. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
What else will you do today? | 0:23:13 | 0:23:17 | |
Well... | 0:23:17 | 0:23:18 | |
I'm unemployed, so what can you expect? | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
I'm just waking up to the fact that, | 0:23:24 | 0:23:29 | |
no job, no routine. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
But I'm in no rush. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Tom has told his mum he's expecting a visitor. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
He's invited the girl he met on the internet over for the day. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:09 | |
My girlfriend's coming over. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
She's just left now and her dad's bringing her here. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
What was your mum's reaction? | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
She went a little crazy and then, like, she changed her mind | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
and then she says, "That's OK, " | 0:24:20 | 0:24:21 | |
and then she goes crazy again. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
And she goes, "You don't know who she is. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:26 | |
"She could be a paedophile," and stuff like that. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
It's just so stupid. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
So are you excited? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
-Mm-hm. -How does it feel? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Well, a little bit weird cos part of me thinks | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
that she's going to be here any second and part of me thinks that | 0:24:39 | 0:24:44 | |
she's not going to be here and stuff like that. It's a bit weird. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
Despite her worries, | 0:24:47 | 0:24:48 | |
Tom's mum Lisa has reluctantly allowed her to visit. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:52 | |
I haven't met her, | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
but apparently she's coming to see him from, where is it, Peterborough? | 0:24:54 | 0:25:01 | |
-Mm-hm. -So, um... | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
..it remains to be seen as to how we're going to manage today. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
Have you heard from her? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-Mm-hm. -Is she on her way? -Mm-hm. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
Tom, how long did she say it's going to take to get here? | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
She said four hours. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
Four hours?! | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
I know. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
-I hope she doesn't think she's staying overnight. -She's not. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
I think he's so restricted, he's so fed up being indoors, being at home, | 0:25:29 | 0:25:37 | |
being kept as a child, that he's really fighting for this, | 0:25:37 | 0:25:42 | |
he's really fighting for an adult life. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
And as much as I've tried to stop him doing too much too soon, | 0:25:44 | 0:25:50 | |
I do feel he's got to the point in his life | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
where I have to give him some freedom and let him go. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
MOBILE PHONE BLEEPS | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
She said her dad's having a go at her for some reason. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:02 | |
CAR HORN TOOTS | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
Is that her? | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
I don't know who it is. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
Her dad might not let her come. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
MOBILE PHONE BLEEPS | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
Um, she just said that her dad's not bringing her now. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:47 | |
No, it's not them. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:51 | |
Tom? | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
Mum, I can't... Where's my magic doll? | 0:27:34 | 0:27:39 | |
I don't know what you've done with it. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
Tom? | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
Tom? | 0:27:46 | 0:27:47 | |
Tom, love, come on, sit up for a minute. | 0:27:47 | 0:27:51 | |
-Tom? -What? | 0:27:51 | 0:27:53 | |
Quick, you want to be awake when she gets here, don't you? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:56 | |
-She's not even coming, you arsehole. -She's not coming? | 0:27:56 | 0:27:59 | |
She's not coming? Why? | 0:27:59 | 0:28:01 | |
Has she said she's not coming? | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
Don't hit me. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
It happens all the time. It's not the first time. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:18 | |
It happens all the time. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
People don't seem to realise | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
how much they play with people's feelings or their minds or anything. | 0:28:25 | 0:28:29 | |
I'd like to know what she said. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:30 | |
Tom, we need your help... | 0:28:32 | 0:28:33 | |
Get the fuck away from me! | 0:28:33 | 0:28:35 | |
Part of Alex's routine | 0:28:55 | 0:28:57 | |
is playing pool in a local league every Tuesday night, | 0:28:57 | 0:29:01 | |
and it seems even his pool mates know exactly what he's looking for. | 0:29:01 | 0:29:07 | |
Yeah, I think he'd like a girlfriend, yeah. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:09 | |
What kind of girl do you think he'd go for? | 0:29:09 | 0:29:12 | |
-Any girl he likes. -Any? | 0:29:12 | 0:29:15 | |
Anyone, yeah. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:17 | |
He's got a lot of good qualities, I'd say. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:23 | |
He's very outgoing. | 0:29:23 | 0:29:25 | |
It's just a case of finding the right one, really. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:27 | |
He's my baby, but I'm probably selfish with him, | 0:29:34 | 0:29:38 | |
but as a mum, you always want to be needed, however little it is. | 0:29:38 | 0:29:44 | |
Would it be easier for you if Alex | 0:29:44 | 0:29:46 | |
was looking to date girls with autism? | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
Um...probably, it probably would, | 0:29:53 | 0:29:56 | |
but that's obviously going to have its own difficulties as well. | 0:29:56 | 0:30:00 | |
Alex probably wouldn't be. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
They don't get on with one another, | 0:30:03 | 0:30:05 | |
because they don't get on with anybody very easily. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:08 | |
How hard or easy would it be if he did find someone? | 0:30:11 | 0:30:15 | |
It would be very hard. | 0:30:15 | 0:30:18 | |
You don't want them to be hurt | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
and you want to keep them safe and close to you. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:24 | |
Yeah, it would be very hard. | 0:30:24 | 0:30:27 | |
Growing up is harder because they tend to mature more slowly | 0:30:27 | 0:30:32 | |
and they really don't have the life experiences. | 0:30:32 | 0:30:36 | |
You look cold. | 0:30:38 | 0:30:40 | |
I'm freezing. Have you finished? | 0:30:40 | 0:30:42 | |
-We won the last one. -Oh, jolly good. | 0:30:42 | 0:30:44 | |
-Do you think it's harder growing up with Asperger's or...? -Yes. | 0:30:44 | 0:30:48 | |
Yes? Why? Why is it harder? | 0:30:48 | 0:30:50 | |
Excuse me a minute. | 0:30:50 | 0:30:52 | |
-Why is it harder? -I don't know. Cos I get bad-tempered easily sometimes, | 0:30:52 | 0:30:59 | |
it's hard to find a job, bit of a problem, or get a girlfriend. | 0:30:59 | 0:31:04 | |
It's only a few days since I last saw Tom, but his mood hasn't changed | 0:31:04 | 0:31:10 | |
and it seems now he's in trouble. | 0:31:10 | 0:31:13 | |
What it was, Tom was on MSN | 0:31:15 | 0:31:16 | |
and there wasn't anybody on there so he was just mucking about, | 0:31:16 | 0:31:19 | |
and one of the kids wanted to go on the computer and he said to them, | 0:31:19 | 0:31:23 | |
"Fuck off, you're not going on it." | 0:31:23 | 0:31:25 | |
I said, "Don't talk to them like that, Tom," | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
and he's just stood up, punched me on the side of the head, | 0:31:27 | 0:31:30 | |
I've near enough seen stars cos I wasn't expecting it, | 0:31:30 | 0:31:33 | |
and then all I could do is stop him from getting the other kids, | 0:31:33 | 0:31:37 | |
so I'm just holding him on the floor. | 0:31:37 | 0:31:39 | |
It was like restraining a wild horse, wasn't it? Literally. | 0:31:39 | 0:31:42 | |
So how did you do it? | 0:31:42 | 0:31:44 | |
The only way I could do it was lay on top of him | 0:31:44 | 0:31:46 | |
and then he's still dragging me across the floor, | 0:31:46 | 0:31:49 | |
but that's the only way you can deal with it. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:51 | |
You can't just put him in a cold shower. We've done that before, | 0:31:51 | 0:31:54 | |
and he's kicked the shower to bits and then we have to redo all the walls again, | 0:31:54 | 0:31:58 | |
same as in his bedroom. | 0:31:58 | 0:31:59 | |
We both feel like we've been hit by a lorry. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:15 | |
Just can't control him. | 0:32:15 | 0:32:17 | |
My dad just started, like, really annoying me, | 0:32:50 | 0:32:54 | |
so I had a bit of a fight. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:57 | |
I kept swinging my arms and stuff, trying to push him away | 0:32:59 | 0:33:03 | |
and I accidentally punched him round the face. | 0:33:03 | 0:33:05 | |
I seriously didn't mean to do that and then he started charging at me | 0:33:05 | 0:33:10 | |
and I was just trying to protect myself. | 0:33:10 | 0:33:13 | |
And he stood on my face and you can see the bruise if you look carefully, | 0:33:16 | 0:33:22 | |
sort of round there. | 0:33:22 | 0:33:23 | |
And I've got a lump at the back of my head | 0:33:23 | 0:33:26 | |
and he scratched my hands where he was trying to hold me. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:30 | |
And there's a bruise somewhere on my arm. | 0:33:30 | 0:33:33 | |
And so what do you think's going to happen now? | 0:33:35 | 0:33:39 | |
I'm not sure. | 0:33:39 | 0:33:41 | |
Today I just thought, like, exercise and stuff, trying to get stronger, | 0:33:41 | 0:33:48 | |
cos at the minute I just feel, like, small and weak, | 0:33:48 | 0:33:52 | |
so when my dad attacks me again, I can pin him to the floor | 0:33:52 | 0:33:58 | |
and tell him that I'm not weak and they can leave me alone. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
I just want them to, like, | 0:34:06 | 0:34:08 | |
stop having fights with me and just leave me alone. | 0:34:08 | 0:34:13 | |
Good morning. | 0:34:31 | 0:34:33 | |
Last time, obviously, you wanted a break from me and the camera and... | 0:34:33 | 0:34:38 | |
Yes, it didn't feel quite right. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:41 | |
I mean, if you, say, lost a relative and went to the funeral and, | 0:34:41 | 0:34:46 | |
the day after, I came knocking on your door, I mean, that's how I felt. | 0:34:46 | 0:34:51 | |
'Oli's had some positive news. | 0:34:52 | 0:34:54 | |
'He's been assigned a local council worker, | 0:34:54 | 0:34:57 | |
'whose job is to help people like him find work.' | 0:34:57 | 0:34:59 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:34:59 | 0:35:00 | |
Would you mind not eating them? Can I take these away? | 0:35:00 | 0:35:04 | |
You've had an awful lot, sorry. | 0:35:04 | 0:35:05 | |
-But... -Yes, I know, but you've had a lot of them and they're still sugar. | 0:35:05 | 0:35:09 | |
-Shall we talk to Emma about work solutions? -I want a job. | 0:35:09 | 0:35:12 | |
-Give me a job. -Anything else? | 0:35:12 | 0:35:15 | |
-Um... -Do you attend a college course | 0:35:15 | 0:35:17 | |
or are you part of a group on one day or anything like that? | 0:35:17 | 0:35:21 | |
I've only just been unemployed, so I have no week. | 0:35:21 | 0:35:24 | |
-OK, and what was your job title while you were there? -Stamping books. | 0:35:24 | 0:35:28 | |
-Stamping assistant, wasn't it? -You were just doing a temporary contract? -Yeah. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:32 | |
And they didn't feel they could extend that, | 0:35:32 | 0:35:34 | |
-or it was never going to be extended? -It was never going to be. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:37 | |
OK. If you had an ideal job you could apply for tomorrow, what would it be? | 0:35:37 | 0:35:40 | |
-It would be something to do with the performing arts. -OK. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:43 | |
I see myself as an actor | 0:35:43 | 0:35:46 | |
who is starting to exploit his wild talent. | 0:35:46 | 0:35:50 | |
I'm not sure, but I'm just going to throw it onto the table. | 0:35:50 | 0:35:55 | |
Something like repetitive data entry. | 0:35:55 | 0:35:58 | |
Health and social care. So that's... | 0:35:58 | 0:36:01 | |
No, I'm not going to do that. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
Well, hang on. Do you know what that means? | 0:36:04 | 0:36:07 | |
Yeah, doing health and safety. | 0:36:07 | 0:36:09 | |
-No. -No. -Everybody has transferable skills. | 0:36:09 | 0:36:13 | |
-Do you know what that means? -No. | 0:36:13 | 0:36:15 | |
So there could be a job where they need somebody to do the washing-up and make cups of tea, | 0:36:15 | 0:36:20 | |
so you could transfer those skills | 0:36:20 | 0:36:22 | |
from using them in your house to using them in the workplace. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:25 | |
Do you understand what I mean by that? | 0:36:25 | 0:36:27 | |
Yeah, but if you're making a cup of tea and washing up at home, | 0:36:28 | 0:36:32 | |
what's the point in doing it elsewhere? | 0:36:32 | 0:36:34 | |
I can't, somehow, conceptually understand... | 0:36:34 | 0:36:36 | |
-A with B, really, to me, means X with T. -Yes. | 0:36:36 | 0:36:42 | |
Well, I think you've explained that really well! | 0:36:42 | 0:36:45 | |
That was a very good explanation. So I'm going to get off. | 0:36:45 | 0:36:48 | |
-Yeah. -I'm just going to get a tissue and get rid of my bogie. | 0:36:48 | 0:36:53 | |
We need to find an employer | 0:36:53 | 0:36:55 | |
-who doesn't quite have the demand for the skills. -Yes. | 0:36:55 | 0:37:00 | |
Yeah, all right. Sorry to change the subject completely, | 0:37:00 | 0:37:04 | |
but going on with my... | 0:37:04 | 0:37:05 | |
Cos I'm a bit of a history nut and what can you... | 0:37:05 | 0:37:08 | |
Now Oliver, hang on a minute. Oliver, I've got to go. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:11 | |
Yeah, but I found this word out on this film and it's called pleb. | 0:37:11 | 0:37:17 | |
-Yeah, and what's that? -I don't know what it means and I find that | 0:37:17 | 0:37:20 | |
absolutely hilarious how these Romans greet each other, say, "Hello, pleb." | 0:37:20 | 0:37:26 | |
When Emma's gone, we'll get out the Oxford English Dictionary | 0:37:28 | 0:37:33 | |
and we'll have a look to see what it actually means. | 0:37:33 | 0:37:35 | |
It's got to mean something, cos I'm fascinated to know what it means. | 0:37:35 | 0:37:39 | |
-Bye. -Plebs, the lot of them. | 0:37:39 | 0:37:42 | |
Oli, you're incorrigible. | 0:37:42 | 0:37:45 | |
-Plebs. -Very engaging. You liked her, didn't you? | 0:37:45 | 0:37:47 | |
-I liked her, really seeking the positive. -Yes. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:51 | |
I think Oliver's probably got quite a lot to offer in terms of work | 0:37:51 | 0:37:54 | |
and it's just about us accessing a job that matches his skill set. | 0:37:54 | 0:38:00 | |
It's all very well talking the talk. | 0:38:00 | 0:38:03 | |
I want to see that talk put into action. | 0:38:03 | 0:38:06 | |
Alex is back online, checking messages. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:16 | |
And this time, he's received one. | 0:38:16 | 0:38:19 | |
Says her name is Kirsty, she's 19, lives in Poole. Nice name. | 0:38:22 | 0:38:25 | |
"And I also have autism." Hmm. | 0:38:29 | 0:38:32 | |
Don't know what to do now. | 0:38:37 | 0:38:38 | |
Do I send her an e-mail first or just go into the website? | 0:38:38 | 0:38:42 | |
You know? Help! | 0:38:42 | 0:38:45 | |
"Dear Kirsty, I would love to share my life with you. | 0:39:01 | 0:39:04 | |
"What I do in a day - volunteer work on Mondays and Fridays, | 0:39:04 | 0:39:08 | |
"but what I'd really like to do is spend time with you, maybe one day." | 0:39:08 | 0:39:12 | |
Are you going to ask to meet her? | 0:39:14 | 0:39:16 | |
Sunday, after Saturday. | 0:39:16 | 0:39:20 | |
-Send. -You look happy. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:26 | |
Are you gay or something? | 0:39:26 | 0:39:28 | |
We have a reply. | 0:39:34 | 0:39:36 | |
"That sounds good, yes, I would like to spend a day with you too." Mmm. | 0:39:36 | 0:39:41 | |
She wants to spend the day with me. | 0:39:41 | 0:39:43 | |
"Yes, I am free on Sunday. | 0:39:43 | 0:39:45 | |
"I would like to meet you." | 0:39:45 | 0:39:47 | |
-This is Kirsty, Mum. -She looks very nice. | 0:39:47 | 0:39:50 | |
Mmm. She's very nice, purple. | 0:39:50 | 0:39:52 | |
-You like purple. -Yes, she's wearing purple. How bad can it be? | 0:39:53 | 0:39:57 | |
Yes, and then I might have a date. | 0:39:57 | 0:39:59 | |
She would like to meet me, she said. | 0:39:59 | 0:40:02 | |
You're just meeting. It's not a date yet. | 0:40:02 | 0:40:04 | |
You're just meeting to say hi. | 0:40:04 | 0:40:07 | |
OK? It's going to rain on Sunday, so it will be a wet day out on Sunday. | 0:40:09 | 0:40:14 | |
I've had another message. | 0:40:14 | 0:40:16 | |
It says, "Thank you very much. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:18 | |
"You look a nice person in your photo, too, | 0:40:18 | 0:40:21 | |
"happy face. | 0:40:21 | 0:40:23 | |
"My favourite colour is blue because of dolphins." | 0:40:23 | 0:40:27 | |
I'll try and remember that. She likes blue like dolphins. | 0:40:29 | 0:40:33 | |
Tom, you must sign the forms for the college, cos you haven't done it. | 0:40:37 | 0:40:42 | |
You won't help me with it. | 0:40:42 | 0:40:43 | |
Well, go and get it and we'll sit and do it now, yeah? | 0:40:43 | 0:40:46 | |
-Mm-hm. -Gimme this then. | 0:40:46 | 0:40:47 | |
Tom attends a school run by the charity Barnardo's | 0:40:47 | 0:40:51 | |
and both his parents believe it might be beneficial | 0:40:51 | 0:40:54 | |
if he had some time away from the family. | 0:40:54 | 0:40:57 | |
The school actually came up with the idea that they could offer him | 0:40:57 | 0:41:01 | |
residential if somebody could pay for it. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:05 | |
He will be away from the family during the week to give us and him | 0:41:05 | 0:41:08 | |
a break, cos he doesn't cope with the noise and what goes on here. | 0:41:08 | 0:41:13 | |
Predicted grades. So put English... | 0:41:13 | 0:41:17 | |
B? Tom, don't be silly, otherwise I'll have to write it up. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:24 | |
He has in his own room in a unit, like a children's home. | 0:41:24 | 0:41:26 | |
-Do you have any form of learning difficulties? -Um, yeah. | 0:41:26 | 0:41:30 | |
And I want you to write, "I have autism." | 0:41:30 | 0:41:34 | |
'Hopefully, if we all have a bit of a break and a bit of breathing space,' | 0:41:35 | 0:41:40 | |
the relationship between me and Tom might get better, | 0:41:40 | 0:41:43 | |
the relationship between you and Tom might get a bit better, | 0:41:43 | 0:41:46 | |
and everybody else, really. | 0:41:46 | 0:41:48 | |
Oli is hitting the high street on his mission to find work. | 0:41:52 | 0:41:58 | |
Anyone that has got a hole in the wall, as in, like, somebody drops out | 0:41:58 | 0:42:02 | |
-for whatever reason, can I have that job? -Yeah, all right, yeah(!) | 0:42:02 | 0:42:05 | |
My jeans just keep falling down. | 0:42:05 | 0:42:10 | |
'I've done some cold calling, sent my CV out to various local businesses | 0:42:10 | 0:42:16 | |
'and companies in Potter's Bar, Hertford, Hatfield, Welling, St Albans. | 0:42:16 | 0:42:22 | |
'I'm still waiting. I'm still unemployed.' | 0:42:22 | 0:42:25 | |
What can I get you? | 0:42:25 | 0:42:26 | |
Can I have this branch of Costa's? Can I have a job? | 0:42:26 | 0:42:30 | |
We're barely hanging on to ours, let alone giving you one. | 0:42:32 | 0:42:36 | |
I'll just sling the manager out his office and have his job, yeah? | 0:42:36 | 0:42:40 | |
-I'll pay you double rates. -Yeah, that would be good! | 0:42:40 | 0:42:42 | |
Only 15% of people with autism are in full-time employment. | 0:42:46 | 0:42:52 | |
Alex is lucky enough to work part-time for a local security company. | 0:42:52 | 0:42:57 | |
I interviewed for an office assistant and Alex sent a letter | 0:42:59 | 0:43:03 | |
and it did say he had mild Asperger's. | 0:43:03 | 0:43:05 | |
It's only for the fact that he was so honest | 0:43:05 | 0:43:09 | |
on his CV, he didn't try and hide it, | 0:43:09 | 0:43:11 | |
he actually said, "This is what's wrong with me, | 0:43:11 | 0:43:14 | |
"this is what I can do and I'd like to show you what I can do", | 0:43:14 | 0:43:18 | |
that we actually said, "OK, we'll see him." | 0:43:18 | 0:43:20 | |
We haven't looked back since. | 0:43:20 | 0:43:22 | |
My wage slip. | 0:43:22 | 0:43:24 | |
Alex has told his workmates about his upcoming meeting with Kirsty. | 0:43:25 | 0:43:31 | |
-Have you see pictures of her? -Yeah, I've seen her picture. | 0:43:31 | 0:43:34 | |
-Have you met her yet? -No. | 0:43:34 | 0:43:36 | |
She sent me a picture on an e-mail. | 0:43:36 | 0:43:38 | |
Oh, well, so that's ideal, isn't it? | 0:43:38 | 0:43:40 | |
Not the same as actually meeting someone. | 0:43:40 | 0:43:42 | |
No, but it gives you an introduction. | 0:43:42 | 0:43:44 | |
It gives you, like, something to talk about, you know? | 0:43:44 | 0:43:47 | |
You just need to see how it goes, and if it doesn't work out, | 0:43:47 | 0:43:51 | |
clock it up to experience and start again. | 0:43:51 | 0:43:53 | |
Yeah. | 0:43:53 | 0:43:55 | |
What's good for you on this is you can actually talk to somebody that's | 0:43:55 | 0:43:59 | |
got exactly the same as yourself, | 0:43:59 | 0:44:01 | |
whereas that must be really hard for you to date somebody that hasn't. | 0:44:01 | 0:44:05 | |
So you can have nice cuddles with a little bit of... Yeah? | 0:44:05 | 0:44:10 | |
-Yeah. -Whatever. | 0:44:10 | 0:44:12 | |
"Whatever." I've made him blush. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:15 | |
Don't wear that tie either. | 0:44:15 | 0:44:18 | |
If I was any cooler, I'd be an ice cube. | 0:44:21 | 0:44:24 | |
Today, Tom's moving out of the family home | 0:44:30 | 0:44:33 | |
and into his school's residential unit. | 0:44:33 | 0:44:36 | |
He'll become a residential student, | 0:44:36 | 0:44:38 | |
rather than a day student, so he will stay in residence | 0:44:38 | 0:44:42 | |
from Monday to Friday. | 0:44:42 | 0:44:45 | |
It will help him, especially as he's starting his exams. | 0:44:45 | 0:44:47 | |
It will help to have a bit of respite for him and respite for us. | 0:44:47 | 0:44:52 | |
And I do feel that he needs to grow up and I feel that this is | 0:44:52 | 0:44:55 | |
the only way of doing it, really. | 0:44:55 | 0:44:57 | |
I suppose, being his parents, you feel like | 0:45:00 | 0:45:03 | |
this shouldn't have happened in the first place and that, you know... | 0:45:03 | 0:45:06 | |
He can't help the way he is and I've got to accept the fact | 0:45:06 | 0:45:09 | |
that that's what should happen. | 0:45:09 | 0:45:11 | |
But there's sort of a degree of guilt with that | 0:45:11 | 0:45:14 | |
and failure, that he's having to go somewhere else. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:20 | |
How do you feel about it? | 0:45:22 | 0:45:25 | |
Um, I'm OK about it. | 0:45:25 | 0:45:27 | |
Part of me just wants to, like, go away from my family and stuff. | 0:45:30 | 0:45:34 | |
Do you feel a bit sad? Do you feel happy? Do you feel...? | 0:45:34 | 0:45:37 | |
Um, at the moment I feel, | 0:45:38 | 0:45:41 | |
like, really hot and ill. | 0:45:41 | 0:45:42 | |
I just came out the shower | 0:45:42 | 0:45:45 | |
and, just, like the feeling started coming out of me. | 0:45:45 | 0:45:47 | |
It feels like there's still steam around me for some reason. | 0:45:47 | 0:45:51 | |
It feels really weird. | 0:45:51 | 0:45:53 | |
-Tom? -Yeah. | 0:46:03 | 0:46:06 | |
It's the week of Tom's GCSEs, and this morning he has an art exam. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:30 | |
Tom will share his new home with 12 other boys | 0:46:32 | 0:46:35 | |
with social, emotional and behavioural needs. | 0:46:35 | 0:46:39 | |
The boys are cared for round the clock by a team of social workers. | 0:46:39 | 0:46:43 | |
Oh, look at this. | 0:46:43 | 0:46:45 | |
You can choose a bed, Tom, whichever one you want to... | 0:46:45 | 0:46:49 | |
-I choose that one. -Tom, your exam starts in five minutes, | 0:46:49 | 0:46:53 | |
-so can you...? -Right. | 0:46:53 | 0:46:56 | |
If you want to make your way there, I'll make your bed | 0:46:56 | 0:46:58 | |
and have it all nice for when you come back. | 0:46:58 | 0:47:01 | |
Tom. | 0:47:06 | 0:47:08 | |
- Do I get a kiss? - Nope. | 0:47:12 | 0:47:13 | |
Aaw. Give your dad a hug or something. | 0:47:15 | 0:47:17 | |
No. | 0:47:17 | 0:47:19 | |
And I'll see you on Friday, yeah? | 0:47:25 | 0:47:28 | |
Mm-hm. | 0:47:28 | 0:47:30 | |
See you, Tom. Give me a ring later. | 0:47:30 | 0:47:32 | |
See you. | 0:47:32 | 0:47:34 | |
-See you. -Love you, bye. | 0:47:37 | 0:47:42 | |
"Dear Tom, I hope you like how I made your bed. | 0:47:44 | 0:47:49 | |
"Looks more comfy than the one you have at home. | 0:47:49 | 0:47:52 | |
"You'll really enjoy being around the other boys. | 0:47:52 | 0:47:54 | |
"It's like being on holiday, | 0:47:54 | 0:47:56 | |
"but without your brothers and Charlotte to mess things up for you. | 0:47:56 | 0:47:59 | |
"You will now be responsible for yourself | 0:47:59 | 0:48:01 | |
"and have to care for yourself. | 0:48:01 | 0:48:03 | |
"It's a real lesson in growing up and you'll be doing it quicker | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
"than everyone else. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:07 | |
"Enjoy the fun here, keep clean and tidy, | 0:48:07 | 0:48:10 | |
"make sure you shower every day, try really hard in your exams. | 0:48:10 | 0:48:14 | |
"The peace and quiet should help you a lot. | 0:48:14 | 0:48:17 | |
"Dad said he loves you and you owe him a kiss when you get home. | 0:48:17 | 0:48:20 | |
"James, Josh, Ollie, Alex and Lou. | 0:48:20 | 0:48:24 | |
"PS. Smudge said he'll wait on your bed for you till you get home." | 0:48:24 | 0:48:28 | |
It's all right. | 0:48:29 | 0:48:31 | |
He's still my little boy, | 0:48:33 | 0:48:35 | |
but I still see him as a little four-year-old. | 0:48:37 | 0:48:40 | |
Oli is still unemployed. | 0:48:50 | 0:48:52 | |
Despite a visit from a local council worker, | 0:48:52 | 0:48:56 | |
there's no job on offer. | 0:48:56 | 0:48:58 | |
In an attempt to fill his time and create a routine, | 0:48:58 | 0:49:01 | |
Oli has been visiting various town centres. | 0:49:01 | 0:49:04 | |
Today, he's in his favourite city. | 0:49:04 | 0:49:06 | |
Cambridge. What do I know about Cambridge? | 0:49:06 | 0:49:09 | |
Well, it's a city, for starters, known for its university. | 0:49:09 | 0:49:13 | |
'It's been four months since I first met Oli, | 0:49:13 | 0:49:16 | |
'and he's getting more and more frustrated with his situation.' | 0:49:16 | 0:49:20 | |
Talk us through some of the jobs you've applied for. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:23 | |
Where do you want me to start? | 0:49:23 | 0:49:24 | |
Sainsbury's, Tesco's Nero's, Costa's, Starbucks, | 0:49:24 | 0:49:29 | |
BBC, TK Maxx, Mars, WH Smith, | 0:49:29 | 0:49:33 | |
Boots, John Lewis, Waitrose. | 0:49:33 | 0:49:37 | |
Quite a lot of them didn't get back to me at all. | 0:49:37 | 0:49:39 | |
The Government make it bloody awkward for everyone, | 0:49:39 | 0:49:42 | |
autistic and non-autistic alike. | 0:49:42 | 0:49:44 | |
They talk cack, and that cack is run by plebs. | 0:49:44 | 0:49:50 | |
He just goes there because it's something for him to do, | 0:49:50 | 0:49:56 | |
and that's why it's really important that we do... | 0:49:56 | 0:50:00 | |
..get a routine for him and some structure. | 0:50:02 | 0:50:06 | |
So I've often gone down to the end of the garden and cried buckets | 0:50:06 | 0:50:10 | |
so that nobody can see me or hear me, | 0:50:10 | 0:50:12 | |
so the flowers should grow very well down there with my tears, shouldn't they, really? | 0:50:12 | 0:50:17 | |
There are times when I can't handle it. I can't handle the fact that I'm autistic, | 0:50:18 | 0:50:23 | |
whether I like it or not. | 0:50:23 | 0:50:24 | |
I'll grow up, yes, but it might take me longer to grow up | 0:50:24 | 0:50:29 | |
and adjust than some little mainstream... | 0:50:29 | 0:50:33 | |
You know what I mean? | 0:50:33 | 0:50:34 | |
Somebody of mainstream origin can grown up just like that. | 0:50:34 | 0:50:37 | |
Me, it might take me that little bit longer to learn, adjust and then grow. | 0:50:37 | 0:50:42 | |
Oli is still determined to find work, but with 425,000 more adults | 0:50:44 | 0:50:49 | |
with autism in his position, it's hard to see if he'll succeed in his mission any time soon. | 0:50:49 | 0:50:56 | |
Alex is preparing for his meeting with Kirsty. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:06 | |
I get nervous on first dates, not really talkative. | 0:51:06 | 0:51:09 | |
It's more like an interrogation. | 0:51:09 | 0:51:12 | |
-Have you thought about what you'll talk about? -No. | 0:51:12 | 0:51:17 | |
Bit hard to know what to talk about if you don't know anything | 0:51:17 | 0:51:21 | |
about the person you're meeting, apart from she likes Monopoly. | 0:51:21 | 0:51:24 | |
Thank you. | 0:51:26 | 0:51:29 | |
Thank you. | 0:51:29 | 0:51:30 | |
There's a nice seat. | 0:51:30 | 0:51:32 | |
There's a nice table there. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:34 | |
Alex's mum Peggy is dropping him at the cafe. | 0:51:34 | 0:51:38 | |
After that, he's on his own. | 0:51:38 | 0:51:41 | |
-Yes, I'll call you when I'm finished, Mum. -OK. -See you later. | 0:51:41 | 0:51:46 | |
-Hiya. -Hello, Kirsty. | 0:51:57 | 0:51:59 | |
Hi, Alex. | 0:51:59 | 0:52:01 | |
-Pleased to meet you. -You all right? | 0:52:01 | 0:52:04 | |
Yeah. Have a seat. | 0:52:04 | 0:52:06 | |
Thank you. | 0:52:06 | 0:52:08 | |
Um... | 0:52:23 | 0:52:26 | |
Is there anything you want to ask me? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:30 | |
I can't think of anything, I'm afraid, at the moment. | 0:52:32 | 0:52:36 | |
-I hate having Asperger's sometimes. -Why? | 0:52:38 | 0:52:41 | |
For making me so nervous and quiet. | 0:52:41 | 0:52:44 | |
Do you do like set routines? | 0:52:44 | 0:52:48 | |
Do I like set routines? | 0:52:48 | 0:52:50 | |
Yes, usually. | 0:52:50 | 0:52:52 | |
I do everything by the book and like to be on time and things like that. | 0:52:52 | 0:52:56 | |
Yeah. Do you know about Facebook? | 0:52:56 | 0:52:59 | |
-Facebook? -Yeah. -Not really. | 0:52:59 | 0:53:01 | |
It's an online social networking site. | 0:53:01 | 0:53:04 | |
-You can chat to your friends on there as well. -I don't really have many friends. | 0:53:04 | 0:53:09 | |
-You've got me. -Yes, I mean apart from you. | 0:53:09 | 0:53:13 | |
Will you always be my friend, Kirsty? | 0:53:13 | 0:53:15 | |
-I will be your friend. -Always? -Yeah. | 0:53:15 | 0:53:18 | |
By the way, you've got a piece of chocolate there. | 0:53:20 | 0:53:23 | |
Would you like to go for a walk? | 0:53:25 | 0:53:27 | |
Shall we, my lady? | 0:53:29 | 0:53:32 | |
Be nice if they could just sort of support one another, even if there's nothing else, | 0:53:37 | 0:53:43 | |
because they live quite a long way apart, so that's awkward. | 0:53:43 | 0:53:48 | |
All right, it was nice to see you. | 0:53:59 | 0:54:02 | |
-It was nice to meet you. -All right, take care. | 0:54:02 | 0:54:05 | |
-We must meet again some time. -Yeah, OK. -Keep in contact. -Yeah. | 0:54:05 | 0:54:09 | |
-I'll see you later. -OK, bye. -Bye. | 0:54:09 | 0:54:11 | |
'It was fun.' | 0:54:11 | 0:54:13 | |
What did you think of Alex? | 0:54:13 | 0:54:16 | |
He was nice. | 0:54:16 | 0:54:18 | |
-And do you think you'll see her again? -Hopefully. It would be nice to see her again. | 0:54:18 | 0:54:23 | |
These are face cards. | 0:54:25 | 0:54:27 | |
They help people with autism to tell you how we're feeling. | 0:54:29 | 0:54:37 | |
This is how I felt when I saw Alex - excited. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:43 | |
And how do you feel now? | 0:54:43 | 0:54:44 | |
I feel... | 0:54:44 | 0:54:46 | |
very happy. | 0:54:46 | 0:54:48 | |
Is this the start of a beautiful relationship? | 0:54:49 | 0:54:53 | |
I don't know. It could be. | 0:54:53 | 0:54:54 | |
It's been three weeks since Tom became a boarder at his school's residential care unit. | 0:55:00 | 0:55:07 | |
He's also turned 16. | 0:55:07 | 0:55:09 | |
Things have got a lot better in the unit. | 0:55:09 | 0:55:12 | |
Well, I've got a room to myself where people don't come in every two seconds | 0:55:12 | 0:55:18 | |
and break something, cos it's got a lock on it. | 0:55:18 | 0:55:21 | |
They give me lots of freedom. | 0:55:21 | 0:55:24 | |
It makes me feel like I want to stay here for ever. | 0:55:24 | 0:55:27 | |
When I came back from my art exam, looked under my pillow and there's my mum's note that she wrote, | 0:55:27 | 0:55:34 | |
and I read it and I just laughed, cos she still talks to me like I'm little, | 0:55:34 | 0:55:39 | |
like the way she says at the end that my cat's waiting for me on my bed. | 0:55:39 | 0:55:44 | |
And also, she said she'd kiss me when I'm back. | 0:55:44 | 0:55:48 | |
I just want people to know all the problems I have | 0:55:56 | 0:56:01 | |
and disadvantages | 0:56:01 | 0:56:03 | |
that I have and just show them, | 0:56:03 | 0:56:06 | |
so if they meet someone like me | 0:56:06 | 0:56:10 | |
that they could understand them and not just, like, | 0:56:10 | 0:56:15 | |
take the piss out of them | 0:56:15 | 0:56:18 | |
and, like, make their lives a misery. | 0:56:18 | 0:56:22 |