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The traditional roles of mum and dad have changed radically in the last quarter of a century. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:11 | |
Men have reinvented | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
what it means to be a father in less than a generation. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
In the 1970s, when I was growing up, | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
dads spent on average a quarter of an hour a day | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
involved in child-related activities. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Now, that figure's moved up to nearly two hours. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
Many fathers want to be more involved in their child's upbringing. That's great. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:31 | |
This is the 21st century, after all. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:35 | |
But new research suggests that the role of the father | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
in bringing up their kids is far more important than we thought. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
'I'm going to travel round Britain and meet some of the country's best child psychologists, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:48 | |
'and conduct a series of fascinating experiments. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
'I'll discover how the bond between father and child forms well before birth.' | 0:00:51 | 0:00:56 | |
Good morning, sunshine. Are you waking up? | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
'And how a man's hormones change when he has a child.' | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
So this male, compared to what he was, say, six months ago, is a completely different hormonal animal. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:10 | |
I'll find out how a father's unique style of play helps his child develop and become independent. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:17 | |
How dads lay down their own kind of rules. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
There's a limit to how much you can use the computer, and we have to set boundaries to this. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:24 | |
I come downstairs, and you're like, "You're not wearing that out". | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
But you had hot pants on. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
We're not friends as such. I am the parent, yeah. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Parent first, friend afters. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
'And I'll show you how a dad's relationship with his daughter | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
'can even influence when she reaches puberty, | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
'and who she marries. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
'In the next hour, | 0:01:55 | 0:01:56 | |
'I'm going to investigate the special role a dad plays at every stage in his child's life. | 0:01:56 | 0:02:02 | |
'It turns out a father's relationship with his child begins even before it's born.' | 0:02:04 | 0:02:09 | |
Once a man's sperm fertilises the egg, | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
the baby grows deep inside the mother's womb over the next nine months. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
Clearly, the mother has a strong bond with her child. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
I've always thought that this was a world closed to the father. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
But research has shown this may not be true at all. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
In studies carried out in the UK, | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
newborns tested just four hours after birth already recognised their father's voice. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:43 | |
Rise and shine. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Can you hear me in there? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
'I want to find out if a baby can identify its father's voice even when it's still in the womb.' | 0:02:47 | 0:02:53 | |
-Hello. -I'm Richard. -Hi, Richard. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
-I'm Alice. -Hi, Alice. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
'Alice is 27 weeks pregnant. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
'Her husband, Richard, likes to speak to his unborn baby as often as possible.' | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
Hello, are you awake in there? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
-Try and wake him up. -Hello, sunshine. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
Are you awake? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
'Today, he'll see if his unborn child is listening to him. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:18 | |
'A sonographer will do an ultrasound scan to monitor the baby's heartbeat.' | 0:03:19 | 0:03:24 | |
Hi, my name's Andy. I'll be scanning you today. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
'Inside the mother's abdomen, it's far from silent. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
'First, I want to see what happens when the baby hears Mum's voice.' | 0:03:36 | 0:03:41 | |
Can you lean in and talk to the baby? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
OK, hello, are we awake yet? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
I can feel a little bit of kicking. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
As early as 16 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby can hear its mother's voice through the womb. | 0:03:55 | 0:04:01 | |
The familiar sound of her voice raises the baby's heartbeat... | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
..a clear sign it's responding to her. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
But now it's Dad's turn. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
OK, Richard, let's test this out, see if the hard work's paid off. See if your baby responds to your voice. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:25 | |
Hello, it's Daddy. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Hello. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Incredibly, it seems not only can the foetus hear voices, | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
but in this test, it responds more strongly to Dad than Mum. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:40 | |
When you were talking to the baby, the heart rate was 136, | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
but when you were talking to the baby, it was 144. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
-That's nice to know! -It's huge, actually. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
So, the biggest reaction comes from Dad. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
-More than me! You're going to have to talk to it much more! -I will. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
It feels like a closer connection, it's getting a little impatient now. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
We've still got to wait another three months, nearly. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
It doesn't surprise me that a baby's bond with its mother starts in the womb, | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
but what is amazing is the fact that a father's bond with his baby can also start well before birth. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:13 | |
'Not only that, but startling new research reveals | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
'that as soon as the mother gets pregnant, the father's body starts to change as well. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:23 | |
'And it's all down to hormones, chemicals that race around our body and change the way we behave. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:33 | |
'Nature appears to have created a cocktail of hormones, specially designed to help fatherhood. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:39 | |
'Here at Kingston University, Dr Arthur Brennan believes these hormones | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
'can cause physical changes in a man, just like those in a pregnant woman. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:49 | |
'His research is so extraordinary, I asked to meet one of his patients. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:55 | |
Dr Brennan studied 282 fathers to be, including this one, Michel, | 0:05:57 | 0:06:02 | |
'who described an extraordinary set of symptoms when his partner became pregnant.' | 0:06:02 | 0:06:07 | |
Nausea, and then it became sickness, real sickness. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:13 | |
How would you describe that sickness? | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Well, just vomiting, either in the morning or after lunch. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:20 | |
'Strikingly, 55% of the men in Dr Brennan's study reported symptoms similar to Michel, | 0:06:22 | 0:06:29 | |
'symptoms that most of us associate with pregnant mothers.' | 0:06:29 | 0:06:34 | |
What about your appetite? Did that increase at all? | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
At times I would go into a corner shop, | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
and just go and buy something I wouldn't eat normally because I find them disgusting, | 0:06:38 | 0:06:43 | |
like those big sandwiches, and I would just stuff my face with them. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:50 | |
'I find it difficult to understand how it's possible for a man like Michel | 0:06:52 | 0:06:56 | |
'to experience symptoms of pregnancy similar to a woman. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
'But this is a genuine condition. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
'It even has a name - Couvade Syndrome. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
'Dr Brennan believes the symptoms are caused by a female hormone that lurks in all men, | 0:07:07 | 0:07:12 | |
'and is triggered into action when his partner becomes pregnant.' | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
I do definitively think there's a hormonal basis for Couvade, | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
namely alterations in the female hormone in men, prolactin, | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
during the period of the pregnancy, and shortly after birth. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:27 | |
Prolactin is a hormone produced inside the brain, and released into the bloodstream. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:34 | |
It's known as the "mothering hormone," | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
as it triggers lactation in women, and their instinct to breastfeed. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:42 | |
But why would men produce it? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
It seems they're not alone. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
In the animal world, elevated levels of prolactin | 0:07:50 | 0:07:53 | |
have been discovered in male marmoset monkeys when they look after their young. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:57 | |
They are one of the few primates besides humans who share parenting. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
Michel and his wife have just had their baby, and Michel has agreed to have his prolactin levels tested. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:14 | |
First, his blood is taken when he's on his own. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
He's then asked to cuddle his new daughter, Mathilde, for 15 minutes. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:26 | |
Prolactin is a highly responsive hormone, | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
so even this brief exposure to his child should be enough to test his body's reaction. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:37 | |
Now we'll compare the levels of prolactin in Michel's blood before and after he's held his baby. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:51 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:02 | |
Here's the first result, and your second result. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
OK, don't keep me in suspense any longer. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
Absolutely. Yes, well, the results are very interesting. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
There's an increase, there's particularly high levels of prolactin. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:20 | |
'Incredibly, Michel's levels of prolactin have gone up by 20%.' | 0:09:20 | 0:09:26 | |
These preliminary results are very encouraging. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
And Michel gets some sort of evidence of where his symptoms are coming from. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:34 | |
It seems that just a few minutes of contact with his baby has increased his prolactin levels. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:42 | |
'It's amazing, but it does seem that dads have evolved these hormonal responses | 0:09:46 | 0:09:50 | |
'to help them play their part in bringing up the child.' | 0:09:50 | 0:09:54 | |
Like many fathers, Michel was present at the birth of his daughter. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:59 | |
But the NHS only started to allow men to be present in the delivery room in 1962. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:05 | |
The days of men being banned from the delivery suites are long gone. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
The image of them pacing up and down the corridors, | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
waiting for permission to see their babies, that's a thing of the past. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
In fact, a staggering 93% of fathers are now present at the births of their children. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:23 | |
And when they're present, this has a fascinating impact, | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
because of another hormone called oxytocin, also known as the "love hormone". | 0:10:27 | 0:10:34 | |
This is Sebastian and his partner, Lynsey. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
She is about to give birth to their first child. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
Take deep breaths. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:41 | |
SHE MOANS | 0:10:41 | 0:10:45 | |
Oxytocin is triggered by skin to skin contact, and creates a strong emotional bond between a couple. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:52 | |
It's what binds them together in lovemaking. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
But it's also the hormone that controls a woman's contractions. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
Studies have found that women whose partners were present and supportive during labour | 0:11:02 | 0:11:07 | |
were less distressed, with shorter delivery times. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
SHE MOANS | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Remember what the midwife said, | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
hold your breath, and then push again. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
Sebastian's presence is a real plus. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
He really helps increase the mother's oxytocin, and that makes the contractions less painful. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:27 | |
His presence could well be making the process of giving birth much easier. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:34 | |
But it can also work the other way around. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
If the father is too anxious, he inhibits the oxytocin in the mother, | 0:11:41 | 0:11:45 | |
and that can lead to a longer and more painful labour. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
Luckily, that isn't the case with Sebastian and Lynsey. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
But like every new dad, as soon as the baby is born, he is checking to see who it looks like. | 0:11:54 | 0:12:01 | |
He's got your ears. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
Hormones affect both the mother and father through pregnancy and birth, | 0:12:06 | 0:12:11 | |
but as soon as the birth is finished, their paths start to divide. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:16 | |
A mother always knows that the child is hers, whereas a father can never be absolutely sure. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:22 | |
Research suggests that when a new father first looks at his baby, | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
he instinctively searches for signs that his genes have been passed on to the next generation, | 0:12:26 | 0:12:31 | |
and that the baby is his. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
In this study, fathers were placed in a brain scan, and shown a picture of a child they'd never seen before. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:43 | |
The researchers were amazed to see | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
that the decision-making area of their brain was immediately activated. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
'Mothers, on the other hand, showed no such response.' | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
These images seem to suggest that fathers were actually scanning their offspring's faces | 0:13:00 | 0:13:05 | |
for indications of paternity. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
This is proof that men are hard wired very differently to women, | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
and I want to know, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
how does this actually affect dads' relationships with their children? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
In particular, I want to find out what effect the key male hormone, | 0:13:17 | 0:13:21 | |
testosterone, has on the relationship. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
Men produce this hormone in much higher quantities than women, | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
and it's strongly associated with aggression. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Across the animal kingdom, high testosterone precipitates violent and competitive behaviour in males, | 0:13:33 | 0:13:38 | |
especially in the mating season. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
But surely this kind of testosterone-fuelled behaviour | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
isn't a good idea when there are small babies about. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
'What happens to men's naturally aggressive behaviour when they become dads? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:59 | |
'I've come to Newcastle to find out.' | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
Nick Neave is an evolutionary psychologist, | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
and an expert on how testosterone controls men's behaviour. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
So, Nick, testosterone gets a pretty bad press. Can you give me your take on it? | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
When there's babies about to be born, | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
you do not want some big, butch, hairy, aggressive, | 0:14:20 | 0:14:25 | |
violent male around these infants, | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
because males who are high in testosterone have low levels of frustration tolerance. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:33 | |
You don't want these guys flying off the handle when the baby starts to cry. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:37 | |
But natural selection plays a trick. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
It switches off the testosterone, it damps it down, | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
so that they stop producing large amounts of testosterone. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:46 | |
Their bodies almost, in a sense, become less masculine, and slightly more feminine. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:51 | |
-So really levelling things out? -Absolutely, absolutely. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
Testosterone levels drop down dramatically, and they seem to be better dads. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
I find this an incredible revelation. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
Not only are new dads flooded with female hormones like prolactin, | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
but the iconic male hormone, testosterone, is reduced. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
After birth, a father's testosterone levels will plummet by as much as a third. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:18 | |
One experiment clearly demonstrates how this makes fathers behave in a more nurturing fashion. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:26 | |
'Nick Neave and I are going to recreate this experiment, | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
'to compare how this new dad acts differently to a single man. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:35 | |
'First, we ask the new dad to hold a baby doll, as we observe him behind a one-way mirror. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:42 | |
'To encourage him to act naturally, the researcher will chat to him about his family.' | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
-He seems very animated. -Yeah. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
-And holding the baby quite close. -Yes. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
Everything felt right, it just felt like I knew exactly how to pick him up, | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
and I think it was looking into my own baby's eyes and stuff. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:03 | |
It just felt natural. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
In the new dads, when you have this very artificial setting, | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
with a doll, it's amazing how quickly they fall into the pattern, of "This is what you do when you hold a baby." | 0:16:09 | 0:16:16 | |
So, there's the rocking motion. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
Often, the dad will actually look down at the baby, | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
and poke the blanket down, and just check and then think, | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
"Oh, actually, it's not real." | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
'It's thought that even the smell of a newborn baby can reduce a father's testosterone level. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:32 | |
'So, the doll has been wrapped in a blanket from his own baby.' | 0:16:32 | 0:16:37 | |
Although this is a doll, one wonders about the effect of having your own baby's blanket around. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
Even though the doll's not real, and he knows it's not real, | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
he's still responding honestly to it, because I think he's getting the smell from the baby. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:49 | |
That's going to have a big impact upon his hormone system. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
The pheromones given off from the blanket, which are the baby's, | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
will be having an impact on his hormones, they'll be lowering the testosterone. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:00 | |
Male hormones are at their lowest levels since way before puberty. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:05 | |
They'll never be as low again. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:06 | |
So, this male, compared to what he was, say, six months ago, is a completely different hormonal animal. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:13 | |
'The powerful bond this father has with his child has transformed him biologically. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:20 | |
'Next, he is subjected to the sound of a crying baby. How will he react? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:25 | |
'Remember, his testosterone is far less than a single man.' | 0:17:25 | 0:17:30 | |
Some changes. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
Looking down a little bit. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
Now, crying, of course, as we know, is possibly the most stressful sound that a human can hear. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:44 | |
He's making sure to calm the baby, saying, "Look, it's OK, Dad's here, | 0:17:44 | 0:17:48 | |
there's not a danger, it's fine, Dad's in control," and he's doing a super job. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:53 | |
He's rubbing the baby, he's patting the baby, | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
it's very hard to believe that that is a doll. | 0:17:56 | 0:18:01 | |
'This new dad can't help himself. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
'He's clearly demonstrating nurturing behaviour, even though he knows it's a doll. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:09 | |
'This experiment really works.' | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
It is amazing, because, you know, blokes are perceived as being these gruff, | 0:18:13 | 0:18:18 | |
dour, insensitive, not very caring and emotional. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
But if you put them in a situation like this, | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
the change in them is amazing. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
It just makes me think, at that very early stage when you do get this drop in testosterone, | 0:18:29 | 0:18:34 | |
thank goodness, because this is an opportunity to get the best out of dads. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
Yes, that's right, that's right. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
'Our new dad's low testosterone level has increased his tolerance, and calmed him down.' | 0:18:41 | 0:18:46 | |
He's done a brilliant job. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
'So, how will a single man, brimming with testosterone, do when he holds a doll? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:53 | |
'Will he feel as compelled to comfort it?' | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
What do you think of when you see a baby? | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
I don't think of anything, I just associate it with a child, it's just a baby. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:07 | |
Our non-dad here, he's relaxed. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
There's no tucking in of the baby, there's no comforting. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
-I'm not even sure there's any looking. -No, no. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
He's just sitting perfectly relaxed, like he's holding a sack of spuds. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Yes. And he's quite engaged with the person he's talking to. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
Yes, absolutely. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
-That's the relationship he knows and understands. -Yes, absolutely. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:28 | |
Certainly, the hormone response is very different, | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
because single males have the highest levels of testosterone. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:35 | |
They are in mating mode, rather than parent mode, | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
and all the studies carried out show that single males have the higher levels of testosterone. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:44 | |
As soon as you enter into a long-term relationship, your levels drop. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:49 | |
As soon as that relationship bears children, it drops again. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
And this makes perfectly good sense from an evolutionary point of view. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:57 | |
'Now, the sound of a baby in distress is played to the single man.' | 0:19:59 | 0:20:04 | |
'Will it trigger a protective instinct in him?' | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
CRYING | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
Look, he's just sort of, "For goodness sake!" | 0:20:15 | 0:20:19 | |
"What is this row? What does this mean?" | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
He hasn't once looked at the baby. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
He's really cut off, isn't he? | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
Fed up is the word. "I've been exposed to this loud noise, and it's meaningless to me." | 0:20:26 | 0:20:32 | |
-This looks like a young man who will be very happy to be relieved of this baby. -Yes. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:39 | |
He has other things to think about, and it's not babies. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
And of course, that makes perfect sense. It's not what he wants. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
Very mechanical handover. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Yes, "Quick, there you go, let me out of here." | 0:20:49 | 0:20:52 | |
The difference in behaviour between the new dad and the single man is there to protect the baby. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:59 | |
After hundreds of thousands of years, evolution has created men to be aggressive. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:06 | |
But it has also given them the ability to switch on a paternal instinct | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
at exactly the right moment. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
It's incredible to think that men have this dramatic physical response to fatherhood, | 0:21:13 | 0:21:18 | |
a drop in testosterone which turns even the most macho men into gentle fathers. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:24 | |
As a child grows, it becomes less vulnerable, | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
and the dad's testosterone level starts to creep up. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
But hopefully, by then, he's already developed the skills to be a good dad. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:42 | |
This group is called Hit the Ground Crawling, | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
and it was set up by fathers who want to pass on their parenting skills to dads to be. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:51 | |
If he starts crying or barfs on you, it's not my fault. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
You signed your disclaimer, mate! That's it, OK. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:58 | |
What's interesting is that each time the father is exposed to his child, he bonds more and more. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:06 | |
His testosterone may have risen since the birth, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
but his instincts are still to nurture and protect the child. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
After all, the child carries his DNA, | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
and by protecting it, he is ensuring that his genes live on after him. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:19 | |
The bonding process is vital, it calms him down, | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
and this is enough to counterbalance his rising testosterone. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:30 | |
But just in case his emotions and hormones aren't in the right balance, | 0:22:32 | 0:22:35 | |
it's worth reinforcing the skills of basic childcare. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
Here you are. Let's just chuck some in so she knows what's coming. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
There you go! Oh, is that all right? | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
Childcare is not always this easy. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
It can lead to stress and strain. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
Didn't even last five minutes. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
When the caring emotions aren't enough to counter a potentially dangerous rise in testosterone, | 0:23:05 | 0:23:10 | |
this may cause frustration and aggression. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
In extreme circumstances, it can lead to reactions such as Shaken Baby Syndrome. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:21 | |
The thing about Shaken Baby Syndrome | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
is that the overwhelming proportion of perpetrators are male. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:30 | |
It's dads and male carers that do this, like yourselves, and like me. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:36 | |
The egg represents the baby's brain, | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
and the Tupperware represents the baby's skull. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
Now, we've all heard babies cry here today, and, over a prolonged period, | 0:23:43 | 0:23:48 | |
I defy anyone not to get slightly uptight with it. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:53 | |
But you can be there, suddenly it turns six o'clock in the morning, | 0:23:53 | 0:23:57 | |
and you're still there, and, suddenly, you can snap. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:02 | |
And you just go, "Will you please shut up?!" | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
And we have a destroyed egg there. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:10 | |
But what that represents is something quite serious in the way of brain damage. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:15 | |
'Even though men need to be careful of their own strength, | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
'research has shown that their masculine physicality actually has a very important role to play | 0:24:22 | 0:24:27 | |
'in bringing up kids. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
'To investigate exactly how an ultra-masculine father | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
'can be good for a child's early development, I'm heading off to the University of Lancaster. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
'So far, I've learned how the arrival of a new baby | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
'triggers hormonal and behavioural changes in a father. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
'Now I want to find out just what impact a dad will have as the baby grows into a toddler. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:04 | |
'I'm here to meet one the UK's leading experts on fatherhood, | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
'psychologist Professor Charlie Lewis.' | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
Hi, Laverne, I'm Charlie. Very good to meet you. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
'In a lab fitted with cameras, he's going to demonstrate that the physical way dads play | 0:25:22 | 0:25:27 | |
'can help their children to learn. | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
'Professor Lewis has asked Joe and his 15-month-old son, Jamie, to play together in the lab. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:37 | |
'It's not long before they start some rough and tumble play.' | 0:25:40 | 0:25:43 | |
This is classic rough-house chasing. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
He puts in the odd bit of classic rough and tumble, that "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" | 0:25:49 | 0:25:54 | |
The dad is trying to introduce him to sudden bursts of activity, | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
which is potentially dangerous. If you're falling towards him, | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
there's an element of danger every time you do it. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
That rough-housing we saw, where's that going to take the child's development? | 0:26:04 | 0:26:08 | |
It's allowing him to exert power, but also to realise the limits of power. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:14 | |
So you can't smash into your father, and continue to play or get away with it. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:19 | |
So he's learning limits. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
'This kind of play teaches a child when to respect boundaries, but also how to explore beyond them.' | 0:26:22 | 0:26:27 | |
Dads do see it as their prerogative to extend the limits of the security of the child. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:35 | |
They're always just pushing the child more, where mums are a little bit hesitant. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:40 | |
They have the strength and the power to sort of hold the child away, and throw them around if they want to. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:45 | |
And children learn to expect it. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
They do. They seek their dads out to do it. They don't just expect it. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:52 | |
They really find it one of the high spots of the day. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
I really believe a dad's style of play can help their child develop, | 0:27:01 | 0:27:05 | |
by teaching them how to push their limits and take risks. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
See if you can stand up. See if you can stand up. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
See if you can stand up. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:17 | |
Ha-ha! I told you! | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
-Daddy, I don't want to go on here. -That's all right. We'll just do it a tiny little bit. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:23 | |
Ready? Try again. I'll hold this. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
A father's influence extends even further. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:31 | |
Their particular style of play can spur language development. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:36 | |
'The reason is that dads tend to use less baby talk, and more adult language.' | 0:27:39 | 0:27:45 | |
Oh! | 0:27:58 | 0:27:59 | |
You've heard that father say to the child, "It's a bad design." | 0:28:10 | 0:28:13 | |
There's something peculiar about a father's language, | 0:28:13 | 0:28:16 | |
because they use words that the child is not used to. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:18 | |
Mums are constantly adapting their vocabulary so the child knows the word, | 0:28:18 | 0:28:23 | |
whereas dads make these terrible mistakes. | 0:28:23 | 0:28:25 | |
Using this very different word that a child has no understanding of, | 0:28:25 | 0:28:28 | |
that does help them spur their language on. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:31 | |
Exactly. We know this from countless studies, | 0:28:31 | 0:28:35 | |
that this is the function that many dads seem to serve. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:39 | |
Research has shown that fathers have greater impact than mothers | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
on their children's language development between the ages of two and three. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:48 | |
And the larger the vocabulary a father used, | 0:28:51 | 0:28:54 | |
the higher their child scored on language tests a year later. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:57 | |
Are we insured? | 0:29:02 | 0:29:04 | |
Right, here we go again. | 0:29:04 | 0:29:07 | |
'Dads not only use longer words, but they encourage more complex uses of language, | 0:29:07 | 0:29:12 | |
'such as wit and sarcasm.' | 0:29:12 | 0:29:14 | |
Let's see if we get another bit. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:17 | |
He said it in a very nice, ironical way. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:36 | |
So, he's also introducing a style there. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:38 | |
"I think you're doing this on purpose," smile, | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
as if to say "Don't you dare," | 0:29:41 | 0:29:43 | |
at the same time as ironising the situation in a pleasant way. | 0:29:43 | 0:29:47 | |
The father's language tends to be slightly more intense than the mother's, | 0:29:47 | 0:29:52 | |
with the odd huge long sentence in there for self-amusement. | 0:29:52 | 0:29:55 | |
In fact, Dad's playfulness leads many toddlers to see him as the more popular, fun parent. | 0:30:03 | 0:30:09 | |
Mummy's here. Hiya. | 0:30:12 | 0:30:15 | |
'Now Mum's come to join them. Look what happens when Dad leaves.' | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
-Bye-bye. -Bye-bye. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:26 | |
-Oh, look, he's going to follow Dad. -Yeah, that's... | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
You responded to that as if you felt, "Yep, that's exactly what he should have done." | 0:30:33 | 0:30:38 | |
Some people say that when you're involved in play, | 0:30:38 | 0:30:40 | |
then, particularly at the toddler stage, | 0:30:40 | 0:30:42 | |
kids will walk around the mum to get the father's attention. | 0:30:42 | 0:30:46 | |
Many mums report feeling really quite cut up about that, but it only works in this particular context. | 0:30:46 | 0:30:51 | |
The boy's still not playing. He's at the door. He's saying, "I want Dad. | 0:30:51 | 0:30:55 | |
"You're not good enough to play with these toys. | 0:30:55 | 0:30:57 | |
"You don't use the word "design" to me." There we are. | 0:30:57 | 0:31:01 | |
'Eventually, the child returns and plays for a while. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:07 | |
'But then the toys are removed to see how Mum and child interact.' | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
See you later. Bye. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
So, what do we typically see of mothers when they're playing with their children? | 0:31:13 | 0:31:18 | |
Physical play which is more measured. | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
-Sedate. -Exactly. | 0:31:21 | 0:31:23 | |
Of course, there's an overlap between mums and dads, | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
but the stereotype that mums are much more passive, | 0:31:26 | 0:31:30 | |
and they don't get in there and say, "Yes, let's get on with it." This is almost an archetypal example of that. | 0:31:30 | 0:31:36 | |
I'm really impressed by how a dad's influence is so different from a mum's. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:43 | |
Well done. | 0:31:43 | 0:31:44 | |
His behaviour encourages a child to explore beyond their comfort zone, | 0:31:44 | 0:31:48 | |
with both language and rough and tumble play. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:51 | |
Dads' instinct to play seems completely right to me. | 0:31:53 | 0:31:56 | |
This is pivotal to their experience with their child. | 0:31:56 | 0:31:59 | |
They're teaching about independence, what it feels like to have a range of emotions. | 0:31:59 | 0:32:04 | |
And when you look in the playground, you see children involved in games which are making them scared, | 0:32:04 | 0:32:09 | |
making them happy, and this is really important for their development. | 0:32:09 | 0:32:12 | |
So, when it comes to playing, dads seem to tick all the boxes. | 0:32:12 | 0:32:17 | |
When a child enters school, the intense family bond is replaced with new-found independence. | 0:32:19 | 0:32:25 | |
Children are learning about how the world is organised, | 0:32:27 | 0:32:30 | |
and how to differentiate between groups of people. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:34 | |
'An important step in doing this is to identify the difference between the two genders. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:40 | |
'I asked seven-year-olds Lucy and Josh to draw a picture | 0:32:43 | 0:32:47 | |
'of the kind of things their parents do for them at home, with some telling insights.' | 0:32:47 | 0:32:52 | |
Hello. Can you tell me about all the people in your drawing and what they're doing? | 0:32:54 | 0:32:58 | |
That one's my dad, and he's playing football with me. | 0:32:58 | 0:33:05 | |
My dad's the one that can play with me a lot, | 0:33:05 | 0:33:10 | |
and my mum usually does the washing up. | 0:33:10 | 0:33:15 | |
And my mum also does the cooking. | 0:33:15 | 0:33:18 | |
Who plays with you more, Mum or Dad? | 0:33:20 | 0:33:23 | |
Erm, Dad. | 0:33:24 | 0:33:27 | |
What sort of things do you play? | 0:33:27 | 0:33:30 | |
Well, he gives me piggy-backs. | 0:33:30 | 0:33:33 | |
And your mum? What's your mum doing? | 0:33:33 | 0:33:35 | |
Well, she's cooking the dinner for us. | 0:33:35 | 0:33:39 | |
'Even in this modern age, it appears that more children | 0:33:41 | 0:33:44 | |
'see their mums as the nurturer, and their dads as the entertainer. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:49 | |
'So I thought I'd better ask some more children, "What are dads for?" to see if they agreed.' | 0:33:49 | 0:33:54 | |
What are dads for? | 0:33:55 | 0:33:58 | |
Dads are for when you need some money, | 0:33:58 | 0:34:02 | |
and they play with you, and they do jokes, and they read you some stories at bedtime. | 0:34:02 | 0:34:07 | |
My dad's very funny, and he's cheeky, | 0:34:07 | 0:34:10 | |
and he always snuggles in my bed when I'm sleeping, and annoys me. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:17 | |
What's the difference between your mum and dad? | 0:34:17 | 0:34:20 | |
Well, my dad always watches the football, and my mum always cleans up. | 0:34:20 | 0:34:24 | |
If your mum is busy and you didn't have a dad, you wouldn't have much fun. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:30 | |
'It's not fair. All these kids see their dads as the fun parent.' | 0:34:31 | 0:34:36 | |
But if there's only one parent, the roles of mum and dad have to merge. | 0:34:39 | 0:34:43 | |
Morning! Let's get you sorted for school, darling. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:46 | |
What's really interesting is that single fathers parent in different ways to single mums. | 0:34:48 | 0:34:53 | |
This is Neville. He looks after his daughter Alicia. | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
Alicia's mother left just after she was born, six years ago. | 0:34:58 | 0:35:02 | |
Study of single fathers has shown that men like Neville | 0:35:03 | 0:35:07 | |
are just as capable of raising children as single mums, | 0:35:07 | 0:35:10 | |
but in a different way. | 0:35:10 | 0:35:11 | |
-Your hands are cold. -Sorry. -Your hands are cold, Daddy. | 0:35:14 | 0:35:17 | |
Because I'm going to tilt you off, aren't I? Look, see. | 0:35:17 | 0:35:20 | |
In contrast to single mums, | 0:35:20 | 0:35:23 | |
single fathers place more emphasis on teaching their children to be independent, | 0:35:23 | 0:35:27 | |
by making the learning of life lessons fun. | 0:35:27 | 0:35:29 | |
They're still the entertainers. | 0:35:29 | 0:35:31 | |
Look, there's a face. Hello. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:34 | |
Hello, face. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:36 | |
In fact, they can make even the most mundane task into a game. | 0:35:36 | 0:35:41 | |
Hang on, armpit check. | 0:35:41 | 0:35:42 | |
Although they like to play, | 0:35:52 | 0:35:54 | |
single dads find it more important than single mums to set up a controlled routine in the home. | 0:35:54 | 0:35:59 | |
Every morning it's the same thing. We do it every day, we do it every single day. | 0:36:00 | 0:36:04 | |
It makes life easy for me, and it makes life easier for her, | 0:36:04 | 0:36:08 | |
we're going to have a bit of a giggle doing it. | 0:36:08 | 0:36:11 | |
-Who's that? -That's you. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:15 | |
I've got two heads. Why have I got two heads? | 0:36:15 | 0:36:18 | |
What's that? | 0:36:18 | 0:36:20 | |
That's hair. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:24 | |
That's all right, then! | 0:36:24 | 0:36:27 | |
The kids of single dads are more likely to eat breakfast and dinner at a regular time. | 0:36:28 | 0:36:34 | |
Here you are, babe. Lissy, Lissy, sit up, baby. | 0:36:36 | 0:36:40 | |
All right, have that. Have some tomato. | 0:36:40 | 0:36:42 | |
This routine establishes a stronger sense of security, | 0:36:42 | 0:36:46 | |
producing children who are more independent and mature. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:50 | |
Yeah, and we'll catch you up. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:52 | |
'And it's not just the children of single fathers who find learning fun. | 0:36:56 | 0:37:01 | |
'All children with fathers who are involved in their early years | 0:37:01 | 0:37:05 | |
'turn up for school with more confidence, show more patience, and can maintain interest in their work. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:11 | |
'And studies have shown that this effect is so powerful, | 0:37:12 | 0:37:15 | |
'it leads to kids who are twice as likely to achieve high grades at school. | 0:37:15 | 0:37:19 | |
'They are also less likely to show delinquent behaviour, or to end up with a criminal record. | 0:37:21 | 0:37:28 | |
'This is all good news, but fathers have one last key role to play, | 0:37:28 | 0:37:32 | |
'the hardest of all, when their kids hit the difficult teenage years.' | 0:37:32 | 0:37:38 | |
As a child moves toward adulthood, the challenge for many dads is how to handle their teenage sons. | 0:37:46 | 0:37:52 | |
Many men believe that the best place to bond with their child is right here, on the football pitch. | 0:37:53 | 0:37:59 | |
And it's a place where they can push their children to achieve, a job that they do rather well. | 0:37:59 | 0:38:04 | |
Fathers are more far likely than mothers to encourage their children to be ambitious and competitive. | 0:38:04 | 0:38:11 | |
This event has been organised by a group called Dads And Lads, | 0:38:13 | 0:38:16 | |
to give fathers an opportunity to remain involved in their sons' lives, | 0:38:16 | 0:38:20 | |
but no longer as the entertainer. | 0:38:20 | 0:38:22 | |
My dad comes and watches some of my games, and after the game he gives me a good bit of advice. | 0:38:22 | 0:38:28 | |
Sometimes he may criticise how I played, | 0:38:28 | 0:38:30 | |
but at the end of the day, it's still helping me progress and be a good footballer, | 0:38:30 | 0:38:35 | |
so hopefully some of the stuff he says could push me into an academy level. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:41 | |
In the teenage years, a father's role of pushing a child forward | 0:38:46 | 0:38:50 | |
often involves disciplining them when they've overstepped the mark. | 0:38:50 | 0:38:55 | |
A dad's more dominating physique naturally gives them the upper hand, | 0:38:57 | 0:39:01 | |
and explains why mums often rely on the phrase "wait until your father gets home". | 0:39:01 | 0:39:07 | |
What's more important? | 0:39:07 | 0:39:09 | |
Being their friend, or being the disciplinarian? | 0:39:09 | 0:39:12 | |
I try and explain to him that we're not friends as such. | 0:39:12 | 0:39:16 | |
I am the parent, yeah. Parent first, friend afterwards. | 0:39:16 | 0:39:20 | |
As he's getting older, you know, what his mum says to him sometimes doesn't get through to him, | 0:39:20 | 0:39:26 | |
so, yeah, I am the disciplinarian. | 0:39:26 | 0:39:28 | |
He will listen to me once I give him the look. | 0:39:28 | 0:39:31 | |
It's a bit of education really, | 0:39:34 | 0:39:36 | |
so once they know where they've gone wrong and you show them, hopefully they won't do it again. | 0:39:36 | 0:39:40 | |
Keep going, keep going, Joshua. Let's go. | 0:39:40 | 0:39:43 | |
Even though a man's strength puts him at an advantage as a disciplinarian, | 0:39:43 | 0:39:47 | |
research shows that fathers are more effective at controlling behaviour | 0:39:47 | 0:39:51 | |
when they explain their rules to a child, rather than punish them. | 0:39:51 | 0:39:55 | |
And what's really surprising is, that this is a job they often do better than mums. | 0:39:56 | 0:40:00 | |
Go! Riley! | 0:40:03 | 0:40:05 | |
'To see this in action, I've come to meet psychologist | 0:40:07 | 0:40:10 | |
'Professor Jay Belsky, of Birkbeck College London. | 0:40:10 | 0:40:13 | |
'We've invited two families to take part | 0:40:17 | 0:40:20 | |
'in a study that should reveal how mothers and fathers discipline their children differently.' | 0:40:20 | 0:40:25 | |
Please have a seat. | 0:40:25 | 0:40:26 | |
'First up on the other side of the one-way mirror is mum Lisa and her 16-year-old daughter Danielle. | 0:40:26 | 0:40:33 | |
'Professor Belsky has asked them to discuss a source of conflict.' | 0:40:33 | 0:40:37 | |
I know we don't really have many arguments, | 0:40:37 | 0:40:40 | |
-so I chose phone, because I know you don't like me being on the phone too much. -No. | 0:40:40 | 0:40:44 | |
So, Jay, tell me, what are you expecting this test to show? | 0:40:44 | 0:40:48 | |
I think typically what you're going to see with a mother and a daughter, | 0:40:48 | 0:40:52 | |
or a mother and a son, even, | 0:40:52 | 0:40:54 | |
is discourse that's more about relationships, about feelings, about consideration of others. | 0:40:54 | 0:41:01 | |
If I'm texting, you'll be like, "Get off that phone. Come here and do this instead". | 0:41:01 | 0:41:05 | |
But I do think sometimes when you're on the phone it's a bit rude, | 0:41:05 | 0:41:09 | |
your sister'll be round, she'll come to visit you, | 0:41:09 | 0:41:11 | |
so I think you need to not spend so much time... | 0:41:11 | 0:41:15 | |
I don't realise that I'm doing it. | 0:41:15 | 0:41:17 | |
It sounded quite reasonable, though, for a teenager. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:20 | |
And the mother is giving her time and space, she's not cutting her off, not intruding. | 0:41:20 | 0:41:25 | |
What I don't like about what you do... | 0:41:25 | 0:41:27 | |
And notice how here, "What I don't like", it's personal, it's relation. | 0:41:27 | 0:41:31 | |
You're doing something to me. | 0:41:31 | 0:41:33 | |
Not, "You're violating a legal principle, or a rule". | 0:41:33 | 0:41:37 | |
'Their conversation swiftly moves on to chores.' | 0:41:38 | 0:41:41 | |
I tell you what you do annoy me about. | 0:41:41 | 0:41:43 | |
When you're home from school, you don't do nothing. | 0:41:43 | 0:41:47 | |
Mum, it's so much harder. | 0:41:47 | 0:41:49 | |
When you're at school you don't do nothing, because you look at it as going to work every day. | 0:41:49 | 0:41:53 | |
And sometimes now I look at you and I think you do do a lot, | 0:41:53 | 0:41:58 | |
-so I can understand that you don't need to do nothing when you're at home. -Yeah. | 0:41:58 | 0:42:04 | |
Notice how the mother, in this case, sort of, clearly empathised with the child. | 0:42:04 | 0:42:09 | |
You could see it in her face. It's like, "I know what you're feeling". | 0:42:09 | 0:42:12 | |
Then she said, "I understand where you're coming from". | 0:42:12 | 0:42:15 | |
Mothers are more likely to do it than the average father. | 0:42:15 | 0:42:18 | |
Hi, thank you very much. We're going to swap Mum and Dad now. | 0:42:20 | 0:42:24 | |
'Next up is Danielle's dad, Danny, and a conflict that's all too familiar, | 0:42:24 | 0:42:29 | |
'what his daughter wears. | 0:42:29 | 0:42:31 | |
'Will he try and understand her point of view?' | 0:42:33 | 0:42:36 | |
Guess what I chose? | 0:42:36 | 0:42:37 | |
-Go on. -Clothes. -Clothes, right. | 0:42:37 | 0:42:39 | |
When I get ready and I come downstairs and you're like, | 0:42:39 | 0:42:42 | |
"You're not wearing that out", but then, you can't say that. | 0:42:42 | 0:42:46 | |
I can when it's too revealing, isn't it? | 0:42:46 | 0:42:49 | |
The first thing he did was he challenged the daughter. He wasn't empathising with her. | 0:42:49 | 0:42:54 | |
He wasn't understanding where she was coming from. He was posing a challenge. | 0:42:54 | 0:42:57 | |
-So, a very different style. -He's challenging her. He's disagreeing with her. | 0:42:57 | 0:43:02 | |
There's no evidence that he's understanding what's being negotiated here is our relationship. | 0:43:02 | 0:43:08 | |
It's like the other night, I was wearing tights. That's... | 0:43:08 | 0:43:11 | |
-There's nothing wrong with that. -Yeah, but you had hot pants on. | 0:43:11 | 0:43:14 | |
Yeah, but with tights underneath. | 0:43:14 | 0:43:16 | |
-You let me go out before... -It depends where you're going. | 0:43:16 | 0:43:19 | |
Going out as a family, it's different when you go out to parties. | 0:43:19 | 0:43:22 | |
Say that I'm going to a party next weekend, you'd let me wear them out, yeah? | 0:43:22 | 0:43:26 | |
Depending what the party was, isn't it? | 0:43:26 | 0:43:28 | |
See, rational, logical, counter. | 0:43:28 | 0:43:32 | |
Explain yourself. | 0:43:32 | 0:43:33 | |
I mean, this could be a dispute or discussion between two attorneys. | 0:43:33 | 0:43:37 | |
It could indeed. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:39 | |
Silk tops and everything else, isn't it? | 0:43:39 | 0:43:41 | |
-"There's places you can go in that outfit, and places you can't." -Rules. | 0:43:41 | 0:43:45 | |
Next time, just tell me, because you just say no. You'd say, "No, you're not wearing that". | 0:43:45 | 0:43:49 | |
He seems very different to Mum, as if he's not even going to try and understand her position. | 0:43:49 | 0:43:53 | |
That's right. This is a matter of his principles, his rules, right or wrong, | 0:43:53 | 0:43:57 | |
-"You're not going out dressed like that." -And that's it. End of story. -And that is how the world is. | 0:43:57 | 0:44:02 | |
We have to pay our taxes, we don't like it. We have to stop at the red light even if want to keep going. | 0:44:02 | 0:44:07 | |
That's the world he's representing. There's a world out there that doesn't care what you're feeling. | 0:44:07 | 0:44:12 | |
'Next up is a very different family, the Sheths. | 0:44:14 | 0:44:18 | |
'Will I see similar differences between the parents of 14-year-old Kishan? | 0:44:18 | 0:44:24 | |
'Before he can even state his complaint, his mother Raj jumps in.' | 0:44:24 | 0:44:28 | |
And we need to really address the issues of going out a little bit less, | 0:44:28 | 0:44:34 | |
and spending a little less money. | 0:44:34 | 0:44:36 | |
So, where is all this money going? | 0:44:36 | 0:44:37 | |
When I go out with my friends, I do spend money. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:40 | |
I don't go out that often. | 0:44:40 | 0:44:43 | |
You say you don't do this often, but you've been going out with friends all week, most of the week. | 0:44:43 | 0:44:48 | |
-Twice. Twice. -Most of the week. | 0:44:48 | 0:44:49 | |
I'd like you to just consider that, you know, obviously, | 0:44:51 | 0:44:54 | |
we've got not just yourself to think about, but your sister as well. | 0:44:54 | 0:44:59 | |
You have to pull your weight. How about tidying your room up? | 0:44:59 | 0:45:03 | |
How about helping your sister? | 0:45:03 | 0:45:05 | |
Well, I think the first thing we saw that was typical about Mum is the appeal to relationships. | 0:45:05 | 0:45:10 | |
Time with me, time with family, time with relatives. | 0:45:10 | 0:45:14 | |
-When your uncle comes over and you're on the computer, it's... -I do come down. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:18 | |
You come down, you say hello, and then you go back up. | 0:45:18 | 0:45:21 | |
-Ah, so here, come back to relationships. -Yes, family. | 0:45:21 | 0:45:24 | |
When you're on the computer and somebody comes over to visit us, | 0:45:24 | 0:45:28 | |
what I would like you to do is turn the computer off, | 0:45:28 | 0:45:31 | |
come down, and then forget about the computer, | 0:45:31 | 0:45:34 | |
and wholeheartedly stay there, and give it your 100% there. | 0:45:34 | 0:45:38 | |
Now, she did say, "What I would like you to do". | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
She's appealing to my feelings. | 0:45:40 | 0:45:43 | |
"I want you to be responsive to my feelings. Be more considerate. | 0:45:43 | 0:45:46 | |
"Be more considerate of my feelings, your daddy's, your sister's, your uncle's." | 0:45:46 | 0:45:50 | |
And also, "Are you prepared to work with me?" You know. | 0:45:50 | 0:45:54 | |
Not, "Are you prepared to follow a principle?" but again, appealing to me. | 0:45:54 | 0:45:58 | |
'So, what approach will Kishan's dad use to try and change his son's behaviour?' | 0:46:00 | 0:46:04 | |
The first topic is the use of the computer. I know I use the computer a lot. | 0:46:04 | 0:46:08 | |
But that doesn't just necessarily mean it's for social networking or gaming. I do, I do a lot of that. | 0:46:08 | 0:46:15 | |
Every time I've come to your room, you're always on computer. | 0:46:15 | 0:46:20 | |
During the evenings, but that's when you come back. | 0:46:20 | 0:46:22 | |
Yeah, but you are on Facebook. | 0:46:22 | 0:46:24 | |
-OK, but I multitask. -Yeah... | 0:46:24 | 0:46:27 | |
Say, for example, I'm reading Bitesize for an exam, | 0:46:27 | 0:46:31 | |
-I would also... -Your Facebook is not... | 0:46:31 | 0:46:34 | |
My Facebook would be open. | 0:46:34 | 0:46:36 | |
Yeah, but Facebook is not for education. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:41 | |
A principle, a rule. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:43 | |
There's nothing about "I want to spend time with you". | 0:46:43 | 0:46:46 | |
At the end of the day, there's a limit to how much you can use computer, | 0:46:46 | 0:46:49 | |
and we have to set boundaries to that. | 0:46:49 | 0:46:52 | |
'Typical of dads, Manoj doesn't rely on emotional arguments. | 0:46:52 | 0:46:56 | |
'And the same way I saw with fathers and sons on the football pitch, | 0:46:56 | 0:47:01 | |
'Manoj is setting clear rules and boundaries to prepare his son for the wider world.' | 0:47:01 | 0:47:06 | |
These could be partners in a business deciding salary raises, | 0:47:06 | 0:47:11 | |
or where to make investments, or who's unhappy with that. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:15 | |
It's all fact, evidence, analytical discourse. | 0:47:15 | 0:47:20 | |
This father, unknowingly, probably unwittingly, | 0:47:20 | 0:47:23 | |
is preparing his child nicely for the world, and that use of reason, rationale, logic, analysis, | 0:47:23 | 0:47:29 | |
should be good for lots of other things besides just, you know, | 0:47:29 | 0:47:33 | |
trying to get more computer time from your dad. | 0:47:33 | 0:47:35 | |
'Dads are really important in helping teenagers prepare for the bigger world. | 0:47:37 | 0:47:41 | |
'A dad's style of discipline teaches a child to deal with the real world they will encounter as an adult. | 0:47:41 | 0:47:47 | |
'Research confirms that whereas kids look to their mothers for day-to-day care and emotional support, | 0:47:50 | 0:47:55 | |
'they rely on their dads for factual information. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:58 | |
'And it's the knowledge of these hard facts that helps prepare them for the adult world.' | 0:48:00 | 0:48:05 | |
Dads can clearly have a big psychological impact on their adolescent children, | 0:48:07 | 0:48:13 | |
but what's amazing is that they can also have a biological impact as well, | 0:48:13 | 0:48:17 | |
especially when it comes to their daughters. | 0:48:17 | 0:48:20 | |
'And to find out how, I've come to Durham University, | 0:48:23 | 0:48:26 | |
'to hear about some extraordinary new research from psychologist Dr Lynda Boothroyd.' | 0:48:26 | 0:48:32 | |
So, Lynda, tell me about your research. | 0:48:33 | 0:48:35 | |
There's been now a whole slew of studies, | 0:48:35 | 0:48:38 | |
which have shown that girls who grow up what we call | 0:48:38 | 0:48:41 | |
"father absent", who for some or all of their childhood don't have their father living with them, | 0:48:41 | 0:48:46 | |
tend to start their periods six months to a year | 0:48:46 | 0:48:50 | |
before the girls who actually have their parents both married and happy all the way through their childhood. | 0:48:50 | 0:48:56 | |
-So puberty's earlier? -Yeah, actually, physically earlier. | 0:48:56 | 0:49:00 | |
Gosh, that's incredible. Fathers are actually having a biological effect. | 0:49:00 | 0:49:04 | |
Potentially, yes. And one of the questions I then started asking is, | 0:49:04 | 0:49:08 | |
if there's one possible biological effect happening at puberty, what else is happening at puberty? | 0:49:08 | 0:49:14 | |
Can we see other physical changes, for instance in the face? | 0:49:14 | 0:49:18 | |
Dr Boothroyd took photos of two groups of female students. | 0:49:19 | 0:49:23 | |
She studied a group of hundreds of girls who'd grown up with their fathers, | 0:49:23 | 0:49:26 | |
and another group of hundreds of girls whose fathers had been absent. | 0:49:26 | 0:49:31 | |
'Then, to compare the two groups, | 0:49:32 | 0:49:34 | |
'Dr Boothroyd created "average faces" from each group.' | 0:49:34 | 0:49:39 | |
I can use a computer programme to mark out the sort of two-dimensional map of each face, | 0:49:39 | 0:49:45 | |
and then produce the average that blends together the shape and the colour of all four faces. | 0:49:45 | 0:49:52 | |
So, what I'm going to do now is I'm going to show you two composite faces. | 0:49:52 | 0:49:56 | |
The face of women who report that their parents never lived together, | 0:49:56 | 0:50:00 | |
or separated before they reached puberty. | 0:50:00 | 0:50:01 | |
The other is a group of girls who said their parents | 0:50:01 | 0:50:04 | |
remained together and had a very good relationship when they were children. | 0:50:04 | 0:50:08 | |
And what I want you to tell me is which one looks older? | 0:50:08 | 0:50:12 | |
-Which one looks older? -Yes. | 0:50:12 | 0:50:14 | |
-A. -Yeah. | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
So, this is the girls who reported that their parents had separated when they were children, | 0:50:18 | 0:50:24 | |
and who may have been experiencing puberty earlier, and therefore may just look that little bit older. | 0:50:24 | 0:50:30 | |
That is pretty incredible, isn't it? | 0:50:30 | 0:50:32 | |
Yeah. I was really struck by it when I first saw it. | 0:50:32 | 0:50:34 | |
I only did it out of curiosity in the first place, but I was really quite surprised. | 0:50:34 | 0:50:39 | |
'Dr Boothroyd began to suspect that girls without fathers grow up faster, | 0:50:39 | 0:50:44 | |
' as a kind of self-defence mechanism.' | 0:50:44 | 0:50:46 | |
This makes sense when we consider our evolutionary past. | 0:50:53 | 0:50:56 | |
A girl without a dad would need to secure the protection of another male, | 0:50:56 | 0:51:00 | |
and to do so, she would need to reach sexual maturity as early as possible. | 0:51:00 | 0:51:05 | |
Even now, the effect a dad has on the age his daughter reaches puberty is still very important. | 0:51:07 | 0:51:13 | |
Early puberty has been linked to early sexual activity. | 0:51:17 | 0:51:20 | |
And it seems that a teenage girl is two and a half times more likely to get pregnant | 0:51:22 | 0:51:27 | |
if her father is not involved in her life. | 0:51:27 | 0:51:29 | |
Dads clearly have a major effect on their daughters' physical development, | 0:51:31 | 0:51:35 | |
but I'm about to find out they can also have a huge effect | 0:51:35 | 0:51:38 | |
on who their daughters choose to marry or live with. | 0:51:38 | 0:51:41 | |
-Dad, will you help us? -Give us a sec. | 0:51:45 | 0:51:48 | |
This is Rebecca, and her father Peter. | 0:51:48 | 0:51:51 | |
She's a typical teenager. | 0:51:51 | 0:51:53 | |
-Thank you. -What's that like? -Argh! | 0:51:54 | 0:51:56 | |
As girls mature, | 0:51:59 | 0:52:00 | |
fathers become increasingly important in how daughters relate to the opposite sex. | 0:52:00 | 0:52:05 | |
Rebecca is 14, and without even being aware of it, | 0:52:09 | 0:52:12 | |
her taste in men is being strongly influenced by her father's personality. | 0:52:12 | 0:52:17 | |
Oh! | 0:52:17 | 0:52:18 | |
A lot of lads are bit like... | 0:52:18 | 0:52:20 | |
They love themselves a bit too much, and you think, well, you wouldn't want to be with someone like that. | 0:52:20 | 0:52:25 | |
I like them who are funny, and have a laugh, like practical jokers as well, like my dad is. | 0:52:25 | 0:52:32 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:52:34 | 0:52:35 | |
It's probably no surprise her father will influence the type of partner Rebecca picks. | 0:52:39 | 0:52:44 | |
What is a surprise is that research has shown women marry men who don't just behave like their fathers, | 0:52:44 | 0:52:50 | |
but also look like their fathers. | 0:52:50 | 0:52:52 | |
I wondered, could this really be true? | 0:52:52 | 0:52:54 | |
'Back in Durham, Lynda Boothroyd has designed a test to prove it to me.' | 0:52:55 | 0:53:00 | |
-Hi. -Hi. Thanks for coming. | 0:53:03 | 0:53:06 | |
'Dr Boothroyd has asked some married women | 0:53:07 | 0:53:10 | |
'to bring pictures of their husbands | 0:53:10 | 0:53:12 | |
'and their fathers when they were at a similar age, so they can be compared. | 0:53:12 | 0:53:16 | |
'The pictures of the husbands and fathers are cut out and mixed up. | 0:53:19 | 0:53:23 | |
'In the next part of the experiment, | 0:53:28 | 0:53:30 | |
'a group of five volunteers will try and spot any resemblances | 0:53:30 | 0:53:34 | |
'between these women's husbands and their fathers.' | 0:53:34 | 0:53:37 | |
So, what we have here is a row of women's fathers at the top, | 0:53:37 | 0:53:42 | |
and a row of women's husbands at the bottom. | 0:53:42 | 0:53:45 | |
'The volunteers' task is to study the faces of the men, | 0:53:46 | 0:53:50 | |
'then match the ones of the fathers in the top row to the husbands in the bottom row.' | 0:53:50 | 0:53:55 | |
-Match away. -Match away! | 0:53:57 | 0:53:59 | |
'Dr Boothroyd's hypothesis is that when a woman is seeking a husband, | 0:54:08 | 0:54:12 | |
'she will choose a man who looks like her father, | 0:54:12 | 0:54:15 | |
'IF she had a good relationship with him when she was growing up. | 0:54:15 | 0:54:18 | |
'While they match the pictures, I decided to meet the wives, | 0:54:20 | 0:54:24 | |
'and hear what they thought of their fathers and husbands.' | 0:54:24 | 0:54:27 | |
-Have your biological parents ever separated? -No. | 0:54:27 | 0:54:31 | |
How much warmth do you remember from your dad, where nine is a great deal, and one is not so much? | 0:54:31 | 0:54:38 | |
Where would you put the marker? | 0:54:38 | 0:54:41 | |
-Nine. -Nine? OK. Do you think your husband looks like your father? | 0:54:41 | 0:54:44 | |
I don't think he looks like my dad, but I think he's like my dad in lots of mannerisms, yes. | 0:54:44 | 0:54:49 | |
What do you think about your father and your husband? | 0:54:49 | 0:54:53 | |
Do you think they're similar? | 0:54:53 | 0:54:55 | |
-Yes, their characters are very similar. -Can you tell me more? | 0:54:55 | 0:54:58 | |
-Same sense of humour. -OK. | 0:54:58 | 0:55:00 | |
-So they get along? -They get along very well, yes. | 0:55:00 | 0:55:02 | |
'Lynda's ready to look at the results. | 0:55:04 | 0:55:07 | |
'This is an experiment she's done before on a much larger scale, | 0:55:09 | 0:55:12 | |
'and today, her findings confirm what she's observed before. | 0:55:12 | 0:55:15 | |
'The volunteers have correctly matched fathers and husbands | 0:55:15 | 0:55:19 | |
'significantly more often than they would have done by chance. | 0:55:19 | 0:55:22 | |
'In all of our cases, the women got on well with their dads. | 0:55:24 | 0:55:28 | |
'Out of today's pictures, | 0:55:30 | 0:55:31 | |
'one father and husband pair had such a close resemblance they were correctly matched by everyone.' | 0:55:31 | 0:55:37 | |
Our strongest match was between the husband and father of a woman | 0:55:39 | 0:55:44 | |
who had a good relationship with her father throughout her life. | 0:55:44 | 0:55:48 | |
That definitely fits in with exactly what we predict. | 0:55:48 | 0:55:51 | |
We can see that they've got very similar-shaped noses, they've got similar jaw lines, | 0:55:51 | 0:55:57 | |
they both have very flat, quite thick eyebrows in these pictures. | 0:55:57 | 0:56:03 | |
'What does Dr Boothroyd think is the reason for a woman being attracted to a man who looks like her father?' | 0:56:04 | 0:56:09 | |
We're not born with a perfect image of "this is a man, this is a woman, | 0:56:13 | 0:56:16 | |
"this is their faces, and this is who I'm going to marry one day," | 0:56:16 | 0:56:20 | |
and so what a father is doing when he's spending time with his children, | 0:56:20 | 0:56:23 | |
is that he is allowing the child to use his face as a model of what a face should be, | 0:56:23 | 0:56:29 | |
and to, over time, build up this image of a male face for that child. | 0:56:29 | 0:56:34 | |
What do you think this is telling you about the important role fathers have? | 0:56:34 | 0:56:38 | |
They're not just a behavioural role model for their children, | 0:56:38 | 0:56:41 | |
they're also a physical model, to learn what people look like. | 0:56:41 | 0:56:45 | |
All the women that I spoke to said | 0:56:46 | 0:56:48 | |
they had a good relationship with their dads, and they recognised that that relationship was continuing now | 0:56:48 | 0:56:54 | |
into the couple relationships they were having as adults. | 0:56:54 | 0:56:57 | |
So, for me, that's fairly conclusive. Women do choose partners that make them feel comfortable, | 0:56:57 | 0:57:02 | |
and remind them of a relationship that's gone before. | 0:57:02 | 0:57:05 | |
Hello in there. Hello! | 0:57:08 | 0:57:09 | |
It's amazing to think that fathers can influence their offspring from before birth, | 0:57:09 | 0:57:14 | |
right up until the time for them to choose their own partners. | 0:57:14 | 0:57:18 | |
But more than that, I've seen what fathers can offer that mothers instinctively might not. | 0:57:20 | 0:57:25 | |
'They promote their children's independence and encourage them to explore, | 0:57:28 | 0:57:32 | |
'while still setting clear boundaries.' | 0:57:32 | 0:57:34 | |
Fathers teach their kids | 0:57:36 | 0:57:38 | |
how to understand and accept the rules of the grown-up world they're about to enter. | 0:57:38 | 0:57:43 | |
'Every child, like this little girl, is a product of its parents, | 0:57:46 | 0:57:49 | |
'influenced by both the mother and the father.' | 0:57:49 | 0:57:54 | |
And when this little girl grows up, her father will provide a model of how men should treat her. | 0:57:54 | 0:57:59 | |
But what I find extraordinary, | 0:57:59 | 0:58:00 | |
is how evolution has carefully crafted fathers into the perfect complement for mothers, | 0:58:00 | 0:58:06 | |
on both a biological and a psychological level. | 0:58:06 | 0:58:09 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:58:29 | 0:58:32 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:58:32 | 0:58:35 |