Biology of Dads


Biology of Dads

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The traditional roles of mum and dad have changed radically in the last quarter of a century.

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Men have reinvented

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what it means to be a father in less than a generation.

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In the 1970s, when I was growing up,

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dads spent on average a quarter of an hour a day

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involved in child-related activities.

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Now, that figure's moved up to nearly two hours.

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Many fathers want to be more involved in their child's upbringing. That's great.

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This is the 21st century, after all.

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But new research suggests that the role of the father

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in bringing up their kids is far more important than we thought.

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'I'm going to travel round Britain and meet some of the country's best child psychologists,

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'and conduct a series of fascinating experiments.

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'I'll discover how the bond between father and child forms well before birth.'

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Good morning, sunshine. Are you waking up?

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'And how a man's hormones change when he has a child.'

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So this male, compared to what he was, say, six months ago, is a completely different hormonal animal.

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I'll find out how a father's unique style of play helps his child develop and become independent.

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How dads lay down their own kind of rules.

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There's a limit to how much you can use the computer, and we have to set boundaries to this.

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I come downstairs, and you're like, "You're not wearing that out".

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But you had hot pants on.

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We're not friends as such. I am the parent, yeah.

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Parent first, friend afters.

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'And I'll show you how a dad's relationship with his daughter

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'can even influence when she reaches puberty,

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'and who she marries.

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'In the next hour,

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'I'm going to investigate the special role a dad plays at every stage in his child's life.

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'It turns out a father's relationship with his child begins even before it's born.'

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Once a man's sperm fertilises the egg,

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the baby grows deep inside the mother's womb over the next nine months.

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Clearly, the mother has a strong bond with her child.

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I've always thought that this was a world closed to the father.

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But research has shown this may not be true at all.

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In studies carried out in the UK,

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newborns tested just four hours after birth already recognised their father's voice.

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Rise and shine.

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Can you hear me in there?

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'I want to find out if a baby can identify its father's voice even when it's still in the womb.'

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-Hello.

-I'm Richard.

-Hi, Richard.

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-I'm Alice.

-Hi, Alice.

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'Alice is 27 weeks pregnant.

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'Her husband, Richard, likes to speak to his unborn baby as often as possible.'

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Hello, are you awake in there?

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-Try and wake him up.

-Hello, sunshine.

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Are you awake?

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'Today, he'll see if his unborn child is listening to him.

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'A sonographer will do an ultrasound scan to monitor the baby's heartbeat.'

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Hi, my name's Andy. I'll be scanning you today.

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'Inside the mother's abdomen, it's far from silent.

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'First, I want to see what happens when the baby hears Mum's voice.'

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Can you lean in and talk to the baby?

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OK, hello, are we awake yet?

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I can feel a little bit of kicking.

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As early as 16 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby can hear its mother's voice through the womb.

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The familiar sound of her voice raises the baby's heartbeat...

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..a clear sign it's responding to her.

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But now it's Dad's turn.

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OK, Richard, let's test this out, see if the hard work's paid off. See if your baby responds to your voice.

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Hello, it's Daddy.

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Hello.

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Incredibly, it seems not only can the foetus hear voices,

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but in this test, it responds more strongly to Dad than Mum.

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When you were talking to the baby, the heart rate was 136,

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but when you were talking to the baby, it was 144.

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-That's nice to know!

-It's huge, actually.

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So, the biggest reaction comes from Dad.

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-More than me! You're going to have to talk to it much more!

-I will.

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It feels like a closer connection, it's getting a little impatient now.

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We've still got to wait another three months, nearly.

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It doesn't surprise me that a baby's bond with its mother starts in the womb,

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but what is amazing is the fact that a father's bond with his baby can also start well before birth.

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'Not only that, but startling new research reveals

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'that as soon as the mother gets pregnant, the father's body starts to change as well.

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'And it's all down to hormones, chemicals that race around our body and change the way we behave.

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'Nature appears to have created a cocktail of hormones, specially designed to help fatherhood.

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'Here at Kingston University, Dr Arthur Brennan believes these hormones

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'can cause physical changes in a man, just like those in a pregnant woman.

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'His research is so extraordinary, I asked to meet one of his patients.

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Dr Brennan studied 282 fathers to be, including this one, Michel,

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'who described an extraordinary set of symptoms when his partner became pregnant.'

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Nausea, and then it became sickness, real sickness.

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How would you describe that sickness?

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Well, just vomiting, either in the morning or after lunch.

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'Strikingly, 55% of the men in Dr Brennan's study reported symptoms similar to Michel,

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'symptoms that most of us associate with pregnant mothers.'

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What about your appetite? Did that increase at all?

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At times I would go into a corner shop,

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and just go and buy something I wouldn't eat normally because I find them disgusting,

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like those big sandwiches, and I would just stuff my face with them.

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'I find it difficult to understand how it's possible for a man like Michel

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'to experience symptoms of pregnancy similar to a woman.

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'But this is a genuine condition.

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'It even has a name - Couvade Syndrome.

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'Dr Brennan believes the symptoms are caused by a female hormone that lurks in all men,

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'and is triggered into action when his partner becomes pregnant.'

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I do definitively think there's a hormonal basis for Couvade,

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namely alterations in the female hormone in men, prolactin,

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during the period of the pregnancy, and shortly after birth.

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Prolactin is a hormone produced inside the brain, and released into the bloodstream.

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It's known as the "mothering hormone,"

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as it triggers lactation in women, and their instinct to breastfeed.

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But why would men produce it?

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It seems they're not alone.

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In the animal world, elevated levels of prolactin

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have been discovered in male marmoset monkeys when they look after their young.

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They are one of the few primates besides humans who share parenting.

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Michel and his wife have just had their baby, and Michel has agreed to have his prolactin levels tested.

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First, his blood is taken when he's on his own.

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He's then asked to cuddle his new daughter, Mathilde, for 15 minutes.

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Prolactin is a highly responsive hormone,

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so even this brief exposure to his child should be enough to test his body's reaction.

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Now we'll compare the levels of prolactin in Michel's blood before and after he's held his baby.

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Thank you very much.

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Here's the first result, and your second result.

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Thank you very much.

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OK, don't keep me in suspense any longer.

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Absolutely. Yes, well, the results are very interesting.

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There's an increase, there's particularly high levels of prolactin.

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'Incredibly, Michel's levels of prolactin have gone up by 20%.'

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These preliminary results are very encouraging.

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And Michel gets some sort of evidence of where his symptoms are coming from.

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It seems that just a few minutes of contact with his baby has increased his prolactin levels.

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'It's amazing, but it does seem that dads have evolved these hormonal responses

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'to help them play their part in bringing up the child.'

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Like many fathers, Michel was present at the birth of his daughter.

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But the NHS only started to allow men to be present in the delivery room in 1962.

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The days of men being banned from the delivery suites are long gone.

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The image of them pacing up and down the corridors,

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waiting for permission to see their babies, that's a thing of the past.

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In fact, a staggering 93% of fathers are now present at the births of their children.

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And when they're present, this has a fascinating impact,

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because of another hormone called oxytocin, also known as the "love hormone".

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This is Sebastian and his partner, Lynsey.

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She is about to give birth to their first child.

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Take deep breaths.

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SHE MOANS

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Oxytocin is triggered by skin to skin contact, and creates a strong emotional bond between a couple.

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It's what binds them together in lovemaking.

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But it's also the hormone that controls a woman's contractions.

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Studies have found that women whose partners were present and supportive during labour

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were less distressed, with shorter delivery times.

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SHE MOANS

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Remember what the midwife said,

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hold your breath, and then push again.

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Sebastian's presence is a real plus.

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He really helps increase the mother's oxytocin, and that makes the contractions less painful.

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His presence could well be making the process of giving birth much easier.

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But it can also work the other way around.

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If the father is too anxious, he inhibits the oxytocin in the mother,

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and that can lead to a longer and more painful labour.

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Luckily, that isn't the case with Sebastian and Lynsey.

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But like every new dad, as soon as the baby is born, he is checking to see who it looks like.

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He's got your ears.

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Hormones affect both the mother and father through pregnancy and birth,

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but as soon as the birth is finished, their paths start to divide.

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A mother always knows that the child is hers, whereas a father can never be absolutely sure.

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Research suggests that when a new father first looks at his baby,

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he instinctively searches for signs that his genes have been passed on to the next generation,

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and that the baby is his.

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In this study, fathers were placed in a brain scan, and shown a picture of a child they'd never seen before.

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The researchers were amazed to see

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that the decision-making area of their brain was immediately activated.

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'Mothers, on the other hand, showed no such response.'

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These images seem to suggest that fathers were actually scanning their offspring's faces

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for indications of paternity.

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This is proof that men are hard wired very differently to women,

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and I want to know,

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how does this actually affect dads' relationships with their children?

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In particular, I want to find out what effect the key male hormone,

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testosterone, has on the relationship.

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Men produce this hormone in much higher quantities than women,

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and it's strongly associated with aggression.

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Across the animal kingdom, high testosterone precipitates violent and competitive behaviour in males,

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especially in the mating season.

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But surely this kind of testosterone-fuelled behaviour

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isn't a good idea when there are small babies about.

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'What happens to men's naturally aggressive behaviour when they become dads?

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'I've come to Newcastle to find out.'

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Nick Neave is an evolutionary psychologist,

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and an expert on how testosterone controls men's behaviour.

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So, Nick, testosterone gets a pretty bad press. Can you give me your take on it?

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When there's babies about to be born,

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you do not want some big, butch, hairy, aggressive,

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violent male around these infants,

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because males who are high in testosterone have low levels of frustration tolerance.

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You don't want these guys flying off the handle when the baby starts to cry.

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But natural selection plays a trick.

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It switches off the testosterone, it damps it down,

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so that they stop producing large amounts of testosterone.

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Their bodies almost, in a sense, become less masculine, and slightly more feminine.

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-So really levelling things out?

-Absolutely, absolutely.

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Testosterone levels drop down dramatically, and they seem to be better dads.

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I find this an incredible revelation.

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Not only are new dads flooded with female hormones like prolactin,

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but the iconic male hormone, testosterone, is reduced.

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After birth, a father's testosterone levels will plummet by as much as a third.

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One experiment clearly demonstrates how this makes fathers behave in a more nurturing fashion.

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'Nick Neave and I are going to recreate this experiment,

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'to compare how this new dad acts differently to a single man.

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'First, we ask the new dad to hold a baby doll, as we observe him behind a one-way mirror.

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'To encourage him to act naturally, the researcher will chat to him about his family.'

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-He seems very animated.

-Yeah.

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-And holding the baby quite close.

-Yes.

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Everything felt right, it just felt like I knew exactly how to pick him up,

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and I think it was looking into my own baby's eyes and stuff.

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It just felt natural.

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In the new dads, when you have this very artificial setting,

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with a doll, it's amazing how quickly they fall into the pattern, of "This is what you do when you hold a baby."

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So, there's the rocking motion.

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Often, the dad will actually look down at the baby,

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and poke the blanket down, and just check and then think,

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"Oh, actually, it's not real."

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'It's thought that even the smell of a newborn baby can reduce a father's testosterone level.

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'So, the doll has been wrapped in a blanket from his own baby.'

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Although this is a doll, one wonders about the effect of having your own baby's blanket around.

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Even though the doll's not real, and he knows it's not real,

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he's still responding honestly to it, because I think he's getting the smell from the baby.

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That's going to have a big impact upon his hormone system.

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The pheromones given off from the blanket, which are the baby's,

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will be having an impact on his hormones, they'll be lowering the testosterone.

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Male hormones are at their lowest levels since way before puberty.

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They'll never be as low again.

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So, this male, compared to what he was, say, six months ago, is a completely different hormonal animal.

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'The powerful bond this father has with his child has transformed him biologically.

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'Next, he is subjected to the sound of a crying baby. How will he react?

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'Remember, his testosterone is far less than a single man.'

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Some changes.

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Looking down a little bit.

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Now, crying, of course, as we know, is possibly the most stressful sound that a human can hear.

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He's making sure to calm the baby, saying, "Look, it's OK, Dad's here,

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there's not a danger, it's fine, Dad's in control," and he's doing a super job.

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He's rubbing the baby, he's patting the baby,

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it's very hard to believe that that is a doll.

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'This new dad can't help himself.

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'He's clearly demonstrating nurturing behaviour, even though he knows it's a doll.

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'This experiment really works.'

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It is amazing, because, you know, blokes are perceived as being these gruff,

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dour, insensitive, not very caring and emotional.

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But if you put them in a situation like this,

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the change in them is amazing.

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It just makes me think, at that very early stage when you do get this drop in testosterone,

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thank goodness, because this is an opportunity to get the best out of dads.

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Yes, that's right, that's right.

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'Our new dad's low testosterone level has increased his tolerance, and calmed him down.'

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He's done a brilliant job.

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'So, how will a single man, brimming with testosterone, do when he holds a doll?

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'Will he feel as compelled to comfort it?'

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What do you think of when you see a baby?

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I don't think of anything, I just associate it with a child, it's just a baby.

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Our non-dad here, he's relaxed.

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There's no tucking in of the baby, there's no comforting.

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-I'm not even sure there's any looking.

-No, no.

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He's just sitting perfectly relaxed, like he's holding a sack of spuds.

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Yes. And he's quite engaged with the person he's talking to.

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Yes, absolutely.

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-That's the relationship he knows and understands.

-Yes, absolutely.

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Certainly, the hormone response is very different,

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because single males have the highest levels of testosterone.

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They are in mating mode, rather than parent mode,

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and all the studies carried out show that single males have the higher levels of testosterone.

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As soon as you enter into a long-term relationship, your levels drop.

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As soon as that relationship bears children, it drops again.

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And this makes perfectly good sense from an evolutionary point of view.

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'Now, the sound of a baby in distress is played to the single man.'

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'Will it trigger a protective instinct in him?'

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CRYING

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Look, he's just sort of, "For goodness sake!"

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"What is this row? What does this mean?"

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He hasn't once looked at the baby.

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He's really cut off, isn't he?

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Fed up is the word. "I've been exposed to this loud noise, and it's meaningless to me."

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-This looks like a young man who will be very happy to be relieved of this baby.

-Yes.

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He has other things to think about, and it's not babies.

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And of course, that makes perfect sense. It's not what he wants.

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Very mechanical handover.

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Yes, "Quick, there you go, let me out of here."

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The difference in behaviour between the new dad and the single man is there to protect the baby.

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After hundreds of thousands of years, evolution has created men to be aggressive.

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But it has also given them the ability to switch on a paternal instinct

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at exactly the right moment.

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It's incredible to think that men have this dramatic physical response to fatherhood,

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a drop in testosterone which turns even the most macho men into gentle fathers.

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As a child grows, it becomes less vulnerable,

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and the dad's testosterone level starts to creep up.

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But hopefully, by then, he's already developed the skills to be a good dad.

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This group is called Hit the Ground Crawling,

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and it was set up by fathers who want to pass on their parenting skills to dads to be.

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If he starts crying or barfs on you, it's not my fault.

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You signed your disclaimer, mate! That's it, OK.

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What's interesting is that each time the father is exposed to his child, he bonds more and more.

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His testosterone may have risen since the birth,

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but his instincts are still to nurture and protect the child.

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After all, the child carries his DNA,

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and by protecting it, he is ensuring that his genes live on after him.

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The bonding process is vital, it calms him down,

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and this is enough to counterbalance his rising testosterone.

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But just in case his emotions and hormones aren't in the right balance,

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it's worth reinforcing the skills of basic childcare.

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Here you are. Let's just chuck some in so she knows what's coming.

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There you go! Oh, is that all right?

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Childcare is not always this easy.

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It can lead to stress and strain.

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BABY CRIES

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Didn't even last five minutes.

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When the caring emotions aren't enough to counter a potentially dangerous rise in testosterone,

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this may cause frustration and aggression.

0:23:100:23:12

In extreme circumstances, it can lead to reactions such as Shaken Baby Syndrome.

0:23:150:23:21

The thing about Shaken Baby Syndrome

0:23:210:23:23

is that the overwhelming proportion of perpetrators are male.

0:23:230:23:30

It's dads and male carers that do this, like yourselves, and like me.

0:23:300:23:36

The egg represents the baby's brain,

0:23:360:23:39

and the Tupperware represents the baby's skull.

0:23:390:23:43

Now, we've all heard babies cry here today, and, over a prolonged period,

0:23:430:23:48

I defy anyone not to get slightly uptight with it.

0:23:480:23:53

But you can be there, suddenly it turns six o'clock in the morning,

0:23:530:23:57

and you're still there, and, suddenly, you can snap.

0:23:570:24:02

And you just go, "Will you please shut up?!"

0:24:020:24:05

And we have a destroyed egg there.

0:24:060:24:10

But what that represents is something quite serious in the way of brain damage.

0:24:100:24:15

'Even though men need to be careful of their own strength,

0:24:190:24:22

'research has shown that their masculine physicality actually has a very important role to play

0:24:220:24:27

'in bringing up kids.

0:24:270:24:28

'To investigate exactly how an ultra-masculine father

0:24:310:24:35

'can be good for a child's early development, I'm heading off to the University of Lancaster.

0:24:350:24:39

'So far, I've learned how the arrival of a new baby

0:24:510:24:54

'triggers hormonal and behavioural changes in a father.

0:24:540:24:58

'Now I want to find out just what impact a dad will have as the baby grows into a toddler.

0:24:580:25:04

'I'm here to meet one the UK's leading experts on fatherhood,

0:25:070:25:11

'psychologist Professor Charlie Lewis.'

0:25:110:25:14

Hi, Laverne, I'm Charlie. Very good to meet you.

0:25:170:25:20

'In a lab fitted with cameras, he's going to demonstrate that the physical way dads play

0:25:220:25:27

'can help their children to learn.

0:25:270:25:29

'Professor Lewis has asked Joe and his 15-month-old son, Jamie, to play together in the lab.

0:25:310:25:37

'It's not long before they start some rough and tumble play.'

0:25:400:25:43

This is classic rough-house chasing.

0:25:470:25:49

He puts in the odd bit of classic rough and tumble, that "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

0:25:490:25:54

The dad is trying to introduce him to sudden bursts of activity,

0:25:540:25:58

which is potentially dangerous. If you're falling towards him,

0:25:580:26:01

there's an element of danger every time you do it.

0:26:010:26:04

That rough-housing we saw, where's that going to take the child's development?

0:26:040:26:08

It's allowing him to exert power, but also to realise the limits of power.

0:26:080:26:14

So you can't smash into your father, and continue to play or get away with it.

0:26:140:26:19

So he's learning limits.

0:26:190:26:22

'This kind of play teaches a child when to respect boundaries, but also how to explore beyond them.'

0:26:220:26:27

Dads do see it as their prerogative to extend the limits of the security of the child.

0:26:290:26:35

They're always just pushing the child more, where mums are a little bit hesitant.

0:26:350:26:40

They have the strength and the power to sort of hold the child away, and throw them around if they want to.

0:26:400:26:45

And children learn to expect it.

0:26:450:26:47

They do. They seek their dads out to do it. They don't just expect it.

0:26:470:26:52

They really find it one of the high spots of the day.

0:26:520:26:54

I really believe a dad's style of play can help their child develop,

0:27:010:27:05

by teaching them how to push their limits and take risks.

0:27:050:27:08

See if you can stand up. See if you can stand up.

0:27:130:27:16

See if you can stand up.

0:27:160:27:17

Ha-ha! I told you!

0:27:170:27:19

-Daddy, I don't want to go on here.

-That's all right. We'll just do it a tiny little bit.

0:27:190:27:23

Ready? Try again. I'll hold this.

0:27:230:27:26

A father's influence extends even further.

0:27:280:27:31

Their particular style of play can spur language development.

0:27:310:27:36

'The reason is that dads tend to use less baby talk, and more adult language.'

0:27:390:27:45

Oh!

0:27:580:27:59

You've heard that father say to the child, "It's a bad design."

0:28:100:28:13

There's something peculiar about a father's language,

0:28:130:28:16

because they use words that the child is not used to.

0:28:160:28:18

Mums are constantly adapting their vocabulary so the child knows the word,

0:28:180:28:23

whereas dads make these terrible mistakes.

0:28:230:28:25

Using this very different word that a child has no understanding of,

0:28:250:28:28

that does help them spur their language on.

0:28:280:28:31

Exactly. We know this from countless studies,

0:28:310:28:35

that this is the function that many dads seem to serve.

0:28:350:28:39

Research has shown that fathers have greater impact than mothers

0:28:410:28:44

on their children's language development between the ages of two and three.

0:28:440:28:48

And the larger the vocabulary a father used,

0:28:510:28:54

the higher their child scored on language tests a year later.

0:28:540:28:57

Are we insured?

0:29:020:29:04

Right, here we go again.

0:29:040:29:07

'Dads not only use longer words, but they encourage more complex uses of language,

0:29:070:29:12

'such as wit and sarcasm.'

0:29:120:29:14

Let's see if we get another bit.

0:29:150:29:17

He said it in a very nice, ironical way.

0:29:330:29:36

So, he's also introducing a style there.

0:29:360:29:38

"I think you're doing this on purpose," smile,

0:29:380:29:41

as if to say "Don't you dare,"

0:29:410:29:43

at the same time as ironising the situation in a pleasant way.

0:29:430:29:47

The father's language tends to be slightly more intense than the mother's,

0:29:470:29:52

with the odd huge long sentence in there for self-amusement.

0:29:520:29:55

In fact, Dad's playfulness leads many toddlers to see him as the more popular, fun parent.

0:30:030:30:09

Mummy's here. Hiya.

0:30:120:30:15

'Now Mum's come to join them. Look what happens when Dad leaves.'

0:30:180:30:21

-Bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

0:30:230:30:26

-Oh, look, he's going to follow Dad.

-Yeah, that's...

0:30:280:30:31

You responded to that as if you felt, "Yep, that's exactly what he should have done."

0:30:330:30:38

Some people say that when you're involved in play,

0:30:380:30:40

then, particularly at the toddler stage,

0:30:400:30:42

kids will walk around the mum to get the father's attention.

0:30:420:30:46

Many mums report feeling really quite cut up about that, but it only works in this particular context.

0:30:460:30:51

The boy's still not playing. He's at the door. He's saying, "I want Dad.

0:30:510:30:55

"You're not good enough to play with these toys.

0:30:550:30:57

"You don't use the word "design" to me." There we are.

0:30:570:31:01

'Eventually, the child returns and plays for a while.

0:31:030:31:07

'But then the toys are removed to see how Mum and child interact.'

0:31:070:31:11

See you later. Bye.

0:31:110:31:13

So, what do we typically see of mothers when they're playing with their children?

0:31:130:31:18

Physical play which is more measured.

0:31:180:31:21

-Sedate.

-Exactly.

0:31:210:31:23

Of course, there's an overlap between mums and dads,

0:31:230:31:26

but the stereotype that mums are much more passive,

0:31:260:31:30

and they don't get in there and say, "Yes, let's get on with it." This is almost an archetypal example of that.

0:31:300:31:36

I'm really impressed by how a dad's influence is so different from a mum's.

0:31:380:31:43

Well done.

0:31:430:31:44

His behaviour encourages a child to explore beyond their comfort zone,

0:31:440:31:48

with both language and rough and tumble play.

0:31:480:31:51

Dads' instinct to play seems completely right to me.

0:31:530:31:56

This is pivotal to their experience with their child.

0:31:560:31:59

They're teaching about independence, what it feels like to have a range of emotions.

0:31:590:32:04

And when you look in the playground, you see children involved in games which are making them scared,

0:32:040:32:09

making them happy, and this is really important for their development.

0:32:090:32:12

So, when it comes to playing, dads seem to tick all the boxes.

0:32:120:32:17

When a child enters school, the intense family bond is replaced with new-found independence.

0:32:190:32:25

Children are learning about how the world is organised,

0:32:270:32:30

and how to differentiate between groups of people.

0:32:300:32:34

'An important step in doing this is to identify the difference between the two genders.

0:32:350:32:40

'I asked seven-year-olds Lucy and Josh to draw a picture

0:32:430:32:47

'of the kind of things their parents do for them at home, with some telling insights.'

0:32:470:32:52

Hello. Can you tell me about all the people in your drawing and what they're doing?

0:32:540:32:58

That one's my dad, and he's playing football with me.

0:32:580:33:05

My dad's the one that can play with me a lot,

0:33:050:33:10

and my mum usually does the washing up.

0:33:100:33:15

And my mum also does the cooking.

0:33:150:33:18

Who plays with you more, Mum or Dad?

0:33:200:33:23

Erm, Dad.

0:33:240:33:27

What sort of things do you play?

0:33:270:33:30

Well, he gives me piggy-backs.

0:33:300:33:33

And your mum? What's your mum doing?

0:33:330:33:35

Well, she's cooking the dinner for us.

0:33:350:33:39

'Even in this modern age, it appears that more children

0:33:410:33:44

'see their mums as the nurturer, and their dads as the entertainer.

0:33:440:33:49

'So I thought I'd better ask some more children, "What are dads for?" to see if they agreed.'

0:33:490:33:54

What are dads for?

0:33:550:33:58

Dads are for when you need some money,

0:33:580:34:02

and they play with you, and they do jokes, and they read you some stories at bedtime.

0:34:020:34:07

My dad's very funny, and he's cheeky,

0:34:070:34:10

and he always snuggles in my bed when I'm sleeping, and annoys me.

0:34:100:34:17

What's the difference between your mum and dad?

0:34:170:34:20

Well, my dad always watches the football, and my mum always cleans up.

0:34:200:34:24

If your mum is busy and you didn't have a dad, you wouldn't have much fun.

0:34:240:34:30

'It's not fair. All these kids see their dads as the fun parent.'

0:34:310:34:36

But if there's only one parent, the roles of mum and dad have to merge.

0:34:390:34:43

Morning! Let's get you sorted for school, darling.

0:34:430:34:46

What's really interesting is that single fathers parent in different ways to single mums.

0:34:480:34:53

This is Neville. He looks after his daughter Alicia.

0:34:550:34:58

Alicia's mother left just after she was born, six years ago.

0:34:580:35:02

Study of single fathers has shown that men like Neville

0:35:030:35:07

are just as capable of raising children as single mums,

0:35:070:35:10

but in a different way.

0:35:100:35:11

-Your hands are cold.

-Sorry.

-Your hands are cold, Daddy.

0:35:140:35:17

Because I'm going to tilt you off, aren't I? Look, see.

0:35:170:35:20

In contrast to single mums,

0:35:200:35:23

single fathers place more emphasis on teaching their children to be independent,

0:35:230:35:27

by making the learning of life lessons fun.

0:35:270:35:29

They're still the entertainers.

0:35:290:35:31

Look, there's a face. Hello.

0:35:310:35:34

Hello, face.

0:35:340:35:36

In fact, they can make even the most mundane task into a game.

0:35:360:35:41

Hang on, armpit check.

0:35:410:35:42

Although they like to play,

0:35:520:35:54

single dads find it more important than single mums to set up a controlled routine in the home.

0:35:540:35:59

Every morning it's the same thing. We do it every day, we do it every single day.

0:36:000:36:04

It makes life easy for me, and it makes life easier for her,

0:36:040:36:08

we're going to have a bit of a giggle doing it.

0:36:080:36:11

-Who's that?

-That's you.

0:36:120:36:15

I've got two heads. Why have I got two heads?

0:36:150:36:18

What's that?

0:36:180:36:20

That's hair.

0:36:220:36:24

That's all right, then!

0:36:240:36:27

The kids of single dads are more likely to eat breakfast and dinner at a regular time.

0:36:280:36:34

Here you are, babe. Lissy, Lissy, sit up, baby.

0:36:360:36:40

All right, have that. Have some tomato.

0:36:400:36:42

This routine establishes a stronger sense of security,

0:36:420:36:46

producing children who are more independent and mature.

0:36:460:36:50

Yeah, and we'll catch you up.

0:36:500:36:52

'And it's not just the children of single fathers who find learning fun.

0:36:560:37:01

'All children with fathers who are involved in their early years

0:37:010:37:05

'turn up for school with more confidence, show more patience, and can maintain interest in their work.

0:37:050:37:11

'And studies have shown that this effect is so powerful,

0:37:120:37:15

'it leads to kids who are twice as likely to achieve high grades at school.

0:37:150:37:19

'They are also less likely to show delinquent behaviour, or to end up with a criminal record.

0:37:210:37:28

'This is all good news, but fathers have one last key role to play,

0:37:280:37:32

'the hardest of all, when their kids hit the difficult teenage years.'

0:37:320:37:38

As a child moves toward adulthood, the challenge for many dads is how to handle their teenage sons.

0:37:460:37:52

Many men believe that the best place to bond with their child is right here, on the football pitch.

0:37:530:37:59

And it's a place where they can push their children to achieve, a job that they do rather well.

0:37:590:38:04

Fathers are more far likely than mothers to encourage their children to be ambitious and competitive.

0:38:040:38:11

This event has been organised by a group called Dads And Lads,

0:38:130:38:16

to give fathers an opportunity to remain involved in their sons' lives,

0:38:160:38:20

but no longer as the entertainer.

0:38:200:38:22

My dad comes and watches some of my games, and after the game he gives me a good bit of advice.

0:38:220:38:28

Sometimes he may criticise how I played,

0:38:280:38:30

but at the end of the day, it's still helping me progress and be a good footballer,

0:38:300:38:35

so hopefully some of the stuff he says could push me into an academy level.

0:38:350:38:41

In the teenage years, a father's role of pushing a child forward

0:38:460:38:50

often involves disciplining them when they've overstepped the mark.

0:38:500:38:55

A dad's more dominating physique naturally gives them the upper hand,

0:38:570:39:01

and explains why mums often rely on the phrase "wait until your father gets home".

0:39:010:39:07

What's more important?

0:39:070:39:09

Being their friend, or being the disciplinarian?

0:39:090:39:12

I try and explain to him that we're not friends as such.

0:39:120:39:16

I am the parent, yeah. Parent first, friend afterwards.

0:39:160:39:20

As he's getting older, you know, what his mum says to him sometimes doesn't get through to him,

0:39:200:39:26

so, yeah, I am the disciplinarian.

0:39:260:39:28

He will listen to me once I give him the look.

0:39:280:39:31

It's a bit of education really,

0:39:340:39:36

so once they know where they've gone wrong and you show them, hopefully they won't do it again.

0:39:360:39:40

Keep going, keep going, Joshua. Let's go.

0:39:400:39:43

Even though a man's strength puts him at an advantage as a disciplinarian,

0:39:430:39:47

research shows that fathers are more effective at controlling behaviour

0:39:470:39:51

when they explain their rules to a child, rather than punish them.

0:39:510:39:55

And what's really surprising is, that this is a job they often do better than mums.

0:39:560:40:00

Go! Riley!

0:40:030:40:05

'To see this in action, I've come to meet psychologist

0:40:070:40:10

'Professor Jay Belsky, of Birkbeck College London.

0:40:100:40:13

'We've invited two families to take part

0:40:170:40:20

'in a study that should reveal how mothers and fathers discipline their children differently.'

0:40:200:40:25

Please have a seat.

0:40:250:40:26

'First up on the other side of the one-way mirror is mum Lisa and her 16-year-old daughter Danielle.

0:40:260:40:33

'Professor Belsky has asked them to discuss a source of conflict.'

0:40:330:40:37

I know we don't really have many arguments,

0:40:370:40:40

-so I chose phone, because I know you don't like me being on the phone too much.

-No.

0:40:400:40:44

So, Jay, tell me, what are you expecting this test to show?

0:40:440:40:48

I think typically what you're going to see with a mother and a daughter,

0:40:480:40:52

or a mother and a son, even,

0:40:520:40:54

is discourse that's more about relationships, about feelings, about consideration of others.

0:40:540:41:01

If I'm texting, you'll be like, "Get off that phone. Come here and do this instead".

0:41:010:41:05

But I do think sometimes when you're on the phone it's a bit rude,

0:41:050:41:09

your sister'll be round, she'll come to visit you,

0:41:090:41:11

so I think you need to not spend so much time...

0:41:110:41:15

I don't realise that I'm doing it.

0:41:150:41:17

It sounded quite reasonable, though, for a teenager.

0:41:170:41:20

And the mother is giving her time and space, she's not cutting her off, not intruding.

0:41:200:41:25

What I don't like about what you do...

0:41:250:41:27

And notice how here, "What I don't like", it's personal, it's relation.

0:41:270:41:31

You're doing something to me.

0:41:310:41:33

Not, "You're violating a legal principle, or a rule".

0:41:330:41:37

'Their conversation swiftly moves on to chores.'

0:41:380:41:41

I tell you what you do annoy me about.

0:41:410:41:43

When you're home from school, you don't do nothing.

0:41:430:41:47

Mum, it's so much harder.

0:41:470:41:49

When you're at school you don't do nothing, because you look at it as going to work every day.

0:41:490:41:53

And sometimes now I look at you and I think you do do a lot,

0:41:530:41:58

-so I can understand that you don't need to do nothing when you're at home.

-Yeah.

0:41:580:42:04

Notice how the mother, in this case, sort of, clearly empathised with the child.

0:42:040:42:09

You could see it in her face. It's like, "I know what you're feeling".

0:42:090:42:12

Then she said, "I understand where you're coming from".

0:42:120:42:15

Mothers are more likely to do it than the average father.

0:42:150:42:18

Hi, thank you very much. We're going to swap Mum and Dad now.

0:42:200:42:24

'Next up is Danielle's dad, Danny, and a conflict that's all too familiar,

0:42:240:42:29

'what his daughter wears.

0:42:290:42:31

'Will he try and understand her point of view?'

0:42:330:42:36

Guess what I chose?

0:42:360:42:37

-Go on.

-Clothes.

-Clothes, right.

0:42:370:42:39

When I get ready and I come downstairs and you're like,

0:42:390:42:42

"You're not wearing that out", but then, you can't say that.

0:42:420:42:46

I can when it's too revealing, isn't it?

0:42:460:42:49

The first thing he did was he challenged the daughter. He wasn't empathising with her.

0:42:490:42:54

He wasn't understanding where she was coming from. He was posing a challenge.

0:42:540:42:57

-So, a very different style.

-He's challenging her. He's disagreeing with her.

0:42:570:43:02

There's no evidence that he's understanding what's being negotiated here is our relationship.

0:43:020:43:08

It's like the other night, I was wearing tights. That's...

0:43:080:43:11

-There's nothing wrong with that.

-Yeah, but you had hot pants on.

0:43:110:43:14

Yeah, but with tights underneath.

0:43:140:43:16

-You let me go out before...

-It depends where you're going.

0:43:160:43:19

Going out as a family, it's different when you go out to parties.

0:43:190:43:22

Say that I'm going to a party next weekend, you'd let me wear them out, yeah?

0:43:220:43:26

Depending what the party was, isn't it?

0:43:260:43:28

See, rational, logical, counter.

0:43:280:43:32

Explain yourself.

0:43:320:43:33

I mean, this could be a dispute or discussion between two attorneys.

0:43:330:43:37

It could indeed.

0:43:370:43:39

Silk tops and everything else, isn't it?

0:43:390:43:41

-"There's places you can go in that outfit, and places you can't."

-Rules.

0:43:410:43:45

Next time, just tell me, because you just say no. You'd say, "No, you're not wearing that".

0:43:450:43:49

He seems very different to Mum, as if he's not even going to try and understand her position.

0:43:490:43:53

That's right. This is a matter of his principles, his rules, right or wrong,

0:43:530:43:57

-"You're not going out dressed like that."

-And that's it. End of story.

-And that is how the world is.

0:43:570:44:02

We have to pay our taxes, we don't like it. We have to stop at the red light even if want to keep going.

0:44:020:44:07

That's the world he's representing. There's a world out there that doesn't care what you're feeling.

0:44:070:44:12

'Next up is a very different family, the Sheths.

0:44:140:44:18

'Will I see similar differences between the parents of 14-year-old Kishan?

0:44:180:44:24

'Before he can even state his complaint, his mother Raj jumps in.'

0:44:240:44:28

And we need to really address the issues of going out a little bit less,

0:44:280:44:34

and spending a little less money.

0:44:340:44:36

So, where is all this money going?

0:44:360:44:37

When I go out with my friends, I do spend money.

0:44:370:44:40

I don't go out that often.

0:44:400:44:43

You say you don't do this often, but you've been going out with friends all week, most of the week.

0:44:430:44:48

-Twice. Twice.

-Most of the week.

0:44:480:44:49

I'd like you to just consider that, you know, obviously,

0:44:510:44:54

we've got not just yourself to think about, but your sister as well.

0:44:540:44:59

You have to pull your weight. How about tidying your room up?

0:44:590:45:03

How about helping your sister?

0:45:030:45:05

Well, I think the first thing we saw that was typical about Mum is the appeal to relationships.

0:45:050:45:10

Time with me, time with family, time with relatives.

0:45:100:45:14

-When your uncle comes over and you're on the computer, it's...

-I do come down.

0:45:140:45:18

You come down, you say hello, and then you go back up.

0:45:180:45:21

-Ah, so here, come back to relationships.

-Yes, family.

0:45:210:45:24

When you're on the computer and somebody comes over to visit us,

0:45:240:45:28

what I would like you to do is turn the computer off,

0:45:280:45:31

come down, and then forget about the computer,

0:45:310:45:34

and wholeheartedly stay there, and give it your 100% there.

0:45:340:45:38

Now, she did say, "What I would like you to do".

0:45:380:45:40

She's appealing to my feelings.

0:45:400:45:43

"I want you to be responsive to my feelings. Be more considerate.

0:45:430:45:46

"Be more considerate of my feelings, your daddy's, your sister's, your uncle's."

0:45:460:45:50

And also, "Are you prepared to work with me?" You know.

0:45:500:45:54

Not, "Are you prepared to follow a principle?" but again, appealing to me.

0:45:540:45:58

'So, what approach will Kishan's dad use to try and change his son's behaviour?'

0:46:000:46:04

The first topic is the use of the computer. I know I use the computer a lot.

0:46:040:46:08

But that doesn't just necessarily mean it's for social networking or gaming. I do, I do a lot of that.

0:46:080:46:15

Every time I've come to your room, you're always on computer.

0:46:150:46:20

During the evenings, but that's when you come back.

0:46:200:46:22

Yeah, but you are on Facebook.

0:46:220:46:24

-OK, but I multitask.

-Yeah...

0:46:240:46:27

Say, for example, I'm reading Bitesize for an exam,

0:46:270:46:31

-I would also...

-Your Facebook is not...

0:46:310:46:34

My Facebook would be open.

0:46:340:46:36

Yeah, but Facebook is not for education.

0:46:360:46:41

A principle, a rule.

0:46:410:46:43

There's nothing about "I want to spend time with you".

0:46:430:46:46

At the end of the day, there's a limit to how much you can use computer,

0:46:460:46:49

and we have to set boundaries to that.

0:46:490:46:52

'Typical of dads, Manoj doesn't rely on emotional arguments.

0:46:520:46:56

'And the same way I saw with fathers and sons on the football pitch,

0:46:560:47:01

'Manoj is setting clear rules and boundaries to prepare his son for the wider world.'

0:47:010:47:06

These could be partners in a business deciding salary raises,

0:47:060:47:11

or where to make investments, or who's unhappy with that.

0:47:110:47:15

It's all fact, evidence, analytical discourse.

0:47:150:47:20

This father, unknowingly, probably unwittingly,

0:47:200:47:23

is preparing his child nicely for the world, and that use of reason, rationale, logic, analysis,

0:47:230:47:29

should be good for lots of other things besides just, you know,

0:47:290:47:33

trying to get more computer time from your dad.

0:47:330:47:35

'Dads are really important in helping teenagers prepare for the bigger world.

0:47:370:47:41

'A dad's style of discipline teaches a child to deal with the real world they will encounter as an adult.

0:47:410:47:47

'Research confirms that whereas kids look to their mothers for day-to-day care and emotional support,

0:47:500:47:55

'they rely on their dads for factual information.

0:47:550:47:58

'And it's the knowledge of these hard facts that helps prepare them for the adult world.'

0:48:000:48:05

Dads can clearly have a big psychological impact on their adolescent children,

0:48:070:48:13

but what's amazing is that they can also have a biological impact as well,

0:48:130:48:17

especially when it comes to their daughters.

0:48:170:48:20

'And to find out how, I've come to Durham University,

0:48:230:48:26

'to hear about some extraordinary new research from psychologist Dr Lynda Boothroyd.'

0:48:260:48:32

So, Lynda, tell me about your research.

0:48:330:48:35

There's been now a whole slew of studies,

0:48:350:48:38

which have shown that girls who grow up what we call

0:48:380:48:41

"father absent", who for some or all of their childhood don't have their father living with them,

0:48:410:48:46

tend to start their periods six months to a year

0:48:460:48:50

before the girls who actually have their parents both married and happy all the way through their childhood.

0:48:500:48:56

-So puberty's earlier?

-Yeah, actually, physically earlier.

0:48:560:49:00

Gosh, that's incredible. Fathers are actually having a biological effect.

0:49:000:49:04

Potentially, yes. And one of the questions I then started asking is,

0:49:040:49:08

if there's one possible biological effect happening at puberty, what else is happening at puberty?

0:49:080:49:14

Can we see other physical changes, for instance in the face?

0:49:140:49:18

Dr Boothroyd took photos of two groups of female students.

0:49:190:49:23

She studied a group of hundreds of girls who'd grown up with their fathers,

0:49:230:49:26

and another group of hundreds of girls whose fathers had been absent.

0:49:260:49:31

'Then, to compare the two groups,

0:49:320:49:34

'Dr Boothroyd created "average faces" from each group.'

0:49:340:49:39

I can use a computer programme to mark out the sort of two-dimensional map of each face,

0:49:390:49:45

and then produce the average that blends together the shape and the colour of all four faces.

0:49:450:49:52

So, what I'm going to do now is I'm going to show you two composite faces.

0:49:520:49:56

The face of women who report that their parents never lived together,

0:49:560:50:00

or separated before they reached puberty.

0:50:000:50:01

The other is a group of girls who said their parents

0:50:010:50:04

remained together and had a very good relationship when they were children.

0:50:040:50:08

And what I want you to tell me is which one looks older?

0:50:080:50:12

-Which one looks older?

-Yes.

0:50:120:50:14

-A.

-Yeah.

0:50:160:50:18

So, this is the girls who reported that their parents had separated when they were children,

0:50:180:50:24

and who may have been experiencing puberty earlier, and therefore may just look that little bit older.

0:50:240:50:30

That is pretty incredible, isn't it?

0:50:300:50:32

Yeah. I was really struck by it when I first saw it.

0:50:320:50:34

I only did it out of curiosity in the first place, but I was really quite surprised.

0:50:340:50:39

'Dr Boothroyd began to suspect that girls without fathers grow up faster,

0:50:390:50:44

' as a kind of self-defence mechanism.'

0:50:440:50:46

This makes sense when we consider our evolutionary past.

0:50:530:50:56

A girl without a dad would need to secure the protection of another male,

0:50:560:51:00

and to do so, she would need to reach sexual maturity as early as possible.

0:51:000:51:05

Even now, the effect a dad has on the age his daughter reaches puberty is still very important.

0:51:070:51:13

Early puberty has been linked to early sexual activity.

0:51:170:51:20

And it seems that a teenage girl is two and a half times more likely to get pregnant

0:51:220:51:27

if her father is not involved in her life.

0:51:270:51:29

Dads clearly have a major effect on their daughters' physical development,

0:51:310:51:35

but I'm about to find out they can also have a huge effect

0:51:350:51:38

on who their daughters choose to marry or live with.

0:51:380:51:41

-Dad, will you help us?

-Give us a sec.

0:51:450:51:48

This is Rebecca, and her father Peter.

0:51:480:51:51

She's a typical teenager.

0:51:510:51:53

-Thank you.

-What's that like?

-Argh!

0:51:540:51:56

As girls mature,

0:51:590:52:00

fathers become increasingly important in how daughters relate to the opposite sex.

0:52:000:52:05

Rebecca is 14, and without even being aware of it,

0:52:090:52:12

her taste in men is being strongly influenced by her father's personality.

0:52:120:52:17

Oh!

0:52:170:52:18

A lot of lads are bit like...

0:52:180:52:20

They love themselves a bit too much, and you think, well, you wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

0:52:200:52:25

I like them who are funny, and have a laugh, like practical jokers as well, like my dad is.

0:52:250:52:32

SHE LAUGHS

0:52:340:52:35

It's probably no surprise her father will influence the type of partner Rebecca picks.

0:52:390:52:44

What is a surprise is that research has shown women marry men who don't just behave like their fathers,

0:52:440:52:50

but also look like their fathers.

0:52:500:52:52

I wondered, could this really be true?

0:52:520:52:54

'Back in Durham, Lynda Boothroyd has designed a test to prove it to me.'

0:52:550:53:00

-Hi.

-Hi. Thanks for coming.

0:53:030:53:06

'Dr Boothroyd has asked some married women

0:53:070:53:10

'to bring pictures of their husbands

0:53:100:53:12

'and their fathers when they were at a similar age, so they can be compared.

0:53:120:53:16

'The pictures of the husbands and fathers are cut out and mixed up.

0:53:190:53:23

'In the next part of the experiment,

0:53:280:53:30

'a group of five volunteers will try and spot any resemblances

0:53:300:53:34

'between these women's husbands and their fathers.'

0:53:340:53:37

So, what we have here is a row of women's fathers at the top,

0:53:370:53:42

and a row of women's husbands at the bottom.

0:53:420:53:45

'The volunteers' task is to study the faces of the men,

0:53:460:53:50

'then match the ones of the fathers in the top row to the husbands in the bottom row.'

0:53:500:53:55

-Match away.

-Match away!

0:53:570:53:59

'Dr Boothroyd's hypothesis is that when a woman is seeking a husband,

0:54:080:54:12

'she will choose a man who looks like her father,

0:54:120:54:15

'IF she had a good relationship with him when she was growing up.

0:54:150:54:18

'While they match the pictures, I decided to meet the wives,

0:54:200:54:24

'and hear what they thought of their fathers and husbands.'

0:54:240:54:27

-Have your biological parents ever separated?

-No.

0:54:270:54:31

How much warmth do you remember from your dad, where nine is a great deal, and one is not so much?

0:54:310:54:38

Where would you put the marker?

0:54:380:54:41

-Nine.

-Nine? OK. Do you think your husband looks like your father?

0:54:410:54:44

I don't think he looks like my dad, but I think he's like my dad in lots of mannerisms, yes.

0:54:440:54:49

What do you think about your father and your husband?

0:54:490:54:53

Do you think they're similar?

0:54:530:54:55

-Yes, their characters are very similar.

-Can you tell me more?

0:54:550:54:58

-Same sense of humour.

-OK.

0:54:580:55:00

-So they get along?

-They get along very well, yes.

0:55:000:55:02

'Lynda's ready to look at the results.

0:55:040:55:07

'This is an experiment she's done before on a much larger scale,

0:55:090:55:12

'and today, her findings confirm what she's observed before.

0:55:120:55:15

'The volunteers have correctly matched fathers and husbands

0:55:150:55:19

'significantly more often than they would have done by chance.

0:55:190:55:22

'In all of our cases, the women got on well with their dads.

0:55:240:55:28

'Out of today's pictures,

0:55:300:55:31

'one father and husband pair had such a close resemblance they were correctly matched by everyone.'

0:55:310:55:37

Our strongest match was between the husband and father of a woman

0:55:390:55:44

who had a good relationship with her father throughout her life.

0:55:440:55:48

That definitely fits in with exactly what we predict.

0:55:480:55:51

We can see that they've got very similar-shaped noses, they've got similar jaw lines,

0:55:510:55:57

they both have very flat, quite thick eyebrows in these pictures.

0:55:570:56:03

'What does Dr Boothroyd think is the reason for a woman being attracted to a man who looks like her father?'

0:56:040:56:09

We're not born with a perfect image of "this is a man, this is a woman,

0:56:130:56:16

"this is their faces, and this is who I'm going to marry one day,"

0:56:160:56:20

and so what a father is doing when he's spending time with his children,

0:56:200:56:23

is that he is allowing the child to use his face as a model of what a face should be,

0:56:230:56:29

and to, over time, build up this image of a male face for that child.

0:56:290:56:34

What do you think this is telling you about the important role fathers have?

0:56:340:56:38

They're not just a behavioural role model for their children,

0:56:380:56:41

they're also a physical model, to learn what people look like.

0:56:410:56:45

All the women that I spoke to said

0:56:460:56:48

they had a good relationship with their dads, and they recognised that that relationship was continuing now

0:56:480:56:54

into the couple relationships they were having as adults.

0:56:540:56:57

So, for me, that's fairly conclusive. Women do choose partners that make them feel comfortable,

0:56:570:57:02

and remind them of a relationship that's gone before.

0:57:020:57:05

Hello in there. Hello!

0:57:080:57:09

It's amazing to think that fathers can influence their offspring from before birth,

0:57:090:57:14

right up until the time for them to choose their own partners.

0:57:140:57:18

But more than that, I've seen what fathers can offer that mothers instinctively might not.

0:57:200:57:25

'They promote their children's independence and encourage them to explore,

0:57:280:57:32

'while still setting clear boundaries.'

0:57:320:57:34

Fathers teach their kids

0:57:360:57:38

how to understand and accept the rules of the grown-up world they're about to enter.

0:57:380:57:43

'Every child, like this little girl, is a product of its parents,

0:57:460:57:49

'influenced by both the mother and the father.'

0:57:490:57:54

And when this little girl grows up, her father will provide a model of how men should treat her.

0:57:540:57:59

But what I find extraordinary,

0:57:590:58:00

is how evolution has carefully crafted fathers into the perfect complement for mothers,

0:58:000:58:06

on both a biological and a psychological level.

0:58:060:58:09

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:290:58:32

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:320:58:35

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