Tulisa: My Mum and Me

I'm Tulisa. I'm probably best known to you for being the girl in N-Dubz.

-# Oh-oh, oh-oh

-N-Dubz, N-Dubz... #

But there's a big part of my private life that I've always kept quiet about.

I just remember police turning up,

ambulances, my mum literally being restrained and being dragged away.

My mum's been mentally ill since before I was born, and I've grown up being her carer.

I'm not alone. There are 80,000 young people in the UK looking after a parent with a mental illness.

When she's on a down day, she'll just sit there.

The curtains are drawn, the blinds are drawn, the telly's quiet, it's not the mum I used to know.

It's not a Hannah that...

Sorry.

And she misses a lot out.

-Sit down, hen.

-I want to know how other Brits cope with the pressure of being a young carer.

She did self-harm,

erm, I was there on the stairs just kind of like in tears but I couldn't stop her.

On one hand I've got my life, my career, my future.

On the other hand I've got my responsibility.

And I want to find out whether mental illness runs in families.

Could this even happen to me?

It's clear that, like lots of people in the country, you have had depression.

It's a message that you need to be particularly careful.

Is it a possibility? Could I just wake up tomorrow and just lose myself?

Hi, I'm Tula Paulinea Contostavlos,

my mum is a manic depressive and she'll shout at me and go crazy.

It's horrible when I see her in hospital, I can't believe it's my mum.

Sometimes when she's ill I feel like I'm the only grown-up in the house.

I love her with all my heart, so...

That's quite sad really, reading that, it's like

that is basically how I was feeling at the time when I was 12 years old.

And that's the school play when I was Tallulah in Bugsy Malone.

It is fab, yeah, I love that.

Mum has suffered from a mental illness called schizoaffective disorder since before I was born.

Here's a good one of me and you.

-Yeah, oh, that's nice, isn't it?

-Yeah, you look lovely there.

'My dad left home when I was nine, and ever since it's just been me and Mum. We still live together today.'

-Erm, Disneyland.

-Disneyland, yeah.

-Remember how hard we saved up to go to Disneyland? For ages.

-Yeah, I remember that.

-We stayed in a proper hotel and everything.

-We did, yeah, absolutely.

'When Mum's well, we have a really loving relationship, but when she's ill, she becomes

'completely withdrawn and paranoid, hearing voices and imagining people are out to get her.'

I'll come home one day and she might be crying, really emotional,

just needs a hug, feeling sad, she doesn't know why she feels sad.

Other times she might be more aggressive and on edge.

It's very manic, very all over the place, one minute she's like this,

one minute she's like that. Up, down, up, down.

Mum had several episodes during my childhood and had to go

into hospital for long periods of time before she recovered.

I just remember police turning up, ambulances,

my mum literally being restrained and being dragged away.

I don't think I really knew what was going on but I knew that obviously Mum had a problem.

I just have this very vivid image of her screaming out of an ambulance.

Mum was brought into this hospital in North London, and admitted into a psychiatric ward.

All of a sudden, my mum, sort of came out in this long,

you know, hospital gown, and she looked at me and she just looked so defeated.

I wanted to grab her and be like, "Mum, what's going on?

"I'm upset, I don't know what's happening," and I couldn't because she's looking at me, like a child.

The earliest memory I have of realising something was wrong with Mum

was when I was five years old and she was taken into hospital.

To me, the honest truth was I didn't know anything else. I was used to

coming in and out of hospital, watching my mum go through her episodes and get ill,

get better, get ill, get better, recover, get ill, get better. It was just normal for me.

When I was little, I thought I was the only person in the world with a mad mum.

But in fact, a quarter of young people caring for a parent

with mental health problems are under the age of 16.

That's 15,000 school-age children.

Mia is 16. She lives in Windsor with her mum, Tania, and her little brother, Jacob.

And she's had to cope with her mum's mental illness from a very young age.

These are the books I've collected over the years and when I went

through this huge stage of reading, when I was like 11 years old.

And that was when things were going very wrong.

So these fantasy books were like an escape really and I really loved them and I used to

read them through lessons until it got to a point where they had to take the books off me.

Mia's mum, Tania, suffers from bipolar disorder.

It first developed when Mia was just a baby and as the family albums show,

got worse through her childhood years.

-I was ill on that one.

-You can definitely see the look in your eyes.

I can kind of tell, funnily enough. Do you remember this picture?

-No.

-No.

Some things I can remember, is going out in the garden and gardening, in the front garden at 3,

4 o'clock in the morning with a bottle of wine. As far as I was concerned it was absolutely normal.

There was nothing wrong. Everybody else who thought it might be a bit strange, that was their look out.

Once, we got back from B&Q, you were like, "Let's go to Legoland."

-You look like you don't remember.

-True story. And it just went on.

Tell me a bit about the symptoms, that kind of stuff.

What I remember most, she's usually in a big high mode,

always going around, running around screaming, shouting, coming up with ideas.

After a while, she'd just go... and hit rock-bottom,

and then the guilt comes in, doesn't it?

One day I'd be happy and jumping around, and the next day I'd be suicidal.

It's just such a dark place to be in and I know it sounds bizarre,

but when that comes over you, it was just with such clarity,

and it felt right, it really did feel right.

So I thought, "That is what I've got to do, that's what I want to do."

Hearing your mum talk about that, how does that make you feel?

It makes me feel really, really sad and it's kind of like, hopeless.

Because I have stopped her from committing suicide, I've been there, I've cuddled with her,

I'm just there to comfort her, tell her everything's all right.

Like my mum, Tania suffered extreme mood swings.

During her manic highs, she would stay out late for days on end,

leaving Mia to look after herself and Jacob all on her own.

It hurt a little bit, but my mum's out all the time and

then she's sleeping all the time, we don't really talk that much.

And we were just not close and it was like,

but I want a mum that's close to me because I'm getting bullied at school and I had no-one to talk to.

-Who did you talk to, no-one?

-No-one.

And I kind of bottled it all up when I was in Year 7, and it led to me

not talking and reading all the time and losing all my friends.

I was getting bullied and bullied more and more and I just lost all my confidence.

At school I just didn't learn anything,

and at home, because everything was wrong here too,

it was just complete days of completely nothing.

Oh, that's one a day.

Tania's illness was finally diagnosed four years ago,

and she now treats it with medication and regular therapy.

This is my anxiety one, which I'm meant to take twice a day,

-but to be honest, I don't actually remember to do it very often, but I'm OK at the moment, so...

-Yeah.

Thankfully Mia's school life has also improved and she's about to sit her GCSEs.

I'm not going to say I'm going to do perfect,

I mean there's one or two that I'm aiming to pass, hopefully quite well.

But there's a few of them where I'm just going to sit there and I'm going to be like, "Er...

"I don't know this, We didn't learn this."

But hopefully I'll pass all of them.

Tania's now managing much better and it's obvious that Mia

is coming to terms with the realities of mental illness.

I know I can't just click my fingers and then she's fine and happy and I'll see my mum again.

But I help her as much as I can, it is distressing but you've just

got to do it really, otherwise who else is going to do it?

You two seem to have a really nice bond now.

We do, I want to be her mum, you know? It's about time I became a mum.

We've pretty much had role reversal. I mean I love her desperately, desperately, you know?

-I love you too.

-I know you do.

You two are cute, you're going to get me going!

I really liked Mia and Tania, I thought they're a really nice family.

I think her mum is such a loving person and I'm so happy

that she's made that transition of getting the right medication and is quite stable now.

And I'm happy that Mia's now getting the love

and attention that she always wanted from her mum, so that's brilliant.

I really hope she does well, I really hope she finds the time

to study, because she's got her GCSEs coming up.

I'd be devastated if I found out that

she didn't do too well because of pressure surrounding her home life.

Mia's not alone in having difficulties at school.

25% of young carers experience educational problems.

Well, that was certainly the case with me.

I responded to Mum's illness by going off the rails completely.

I was at my most rebellious when I came here, to Quintin Kynaston Secondary School in North London.

I used to hang around with a bunch of girls in the year above me.

And this is where we used to come during break time, and unfortunately...

get high. Obviously it's a bit out the way and you've got that little hill there

so you can see teachers coming and put out your spliffs before they came down and found us.

We was quite cheeky little buggers.

When I bothered to turn up for lessons, I was defensive and angry and I just refused to learn.

I didn't even stay and sit my GCSEs.

Because I remember, you know,

years ago, sitting in that building

in a maths class and one of the students mucking about.

The teacher told them off and said to them stop doing that, and the student said,

"Ah, but you know, Tula always does it," and the teacher said,

"Don't worry about Tula. She doesn't come into the equation. She's not going to do anything with her life."

I remember at the time having that fear in the back of my mind, of you know, "What if he's right?

"What if I don't amount to anything?"

The trouble was no-one back then made the connection between my bad behaviour in the classroom

and the things that were going on at home.

The Deputy Head tells me that today, the school has become much better at recognising

the many different symptoms that young carers exhibit.

It could be anything from poor attendance,

truanting at certain times of the week,

for particular reasons that we would need to identify.

It might be that they're students that struggle in terms of their learning, don't focus in lessons.

It might be that they're often getting into trouble,

they can be quite aggressive, or they could be quite passive.

And really it's about us trying to get to know exactly what is going on.

Once it's been identified that the students have got an issue, some of them could go forwards

for one-to-one counselling, we have a psychotherapist that comes to the school twice a week,

so they could have psychotherapy if that's what they would like.

One of our young carers herself actually asked for a support group to be set up,

and through her request, we've actually got this young carers' group now, that meet every week.

One of the things is for them not to feel isolated. I think that's one of the big problems.

I'm glad that things have changed at my old school, but I reckon there are still lots of teachers that

take the attitude that pupils are in school to learn and they should leave their problems at the door.

And some young carers' behaviour is so disruptive

that they end up being thrown out of mainstream education altogether.

-Yeah, but what are you having?

-I don't know, I'm not really hungry.

Hannah is 15. She lives in Dover with her mum Julie, who suffers from clinical depression,

a severe mood disorder which makes it difficult for her to do the most basic everyday tasks.

She's on medication to help her cope, but still finds it difficult

even to leave the house without Hannah's help.

Sit down, then. Sit.

Is this where you come to chill out?

Yeah, if I want to chill out and get away from everything, I come up here on my own, with just Lilly.

Hannah goes to an alternative curriculum school, for pupils with challenging behaviour.

She was expelled from her local comprehensive after she got into a fight with a teacher.

I've always had anger inside of me since I've been little

and it's as I'm getting older it's getting worse and worse and I've noticed it as well.

I don't know where it comes from, I'll be all right for a few months and then all of a sudden,

something will happen, it don't even have to be nothing nasty,

and then I'll just go "bang!" and I'll just have to take all my anger out.

Or if I don't, it makes me ill.

If I don't let all my anger out, I become ill.

I am scared of myself when I get angry,

and I'm scared of what I'm going to do with the people around me.

When I was upset when I was younger I used to turn to drink,

and drugs mostly. Mostly weed and stuff like that.

Sometimes when I'm on a down day or whatever,

that's my only way I can be me again without thinking about nothing.

Once the symptoms have kicked in, like the giggles and stuff,

I feel all right but then it's after, I get really moody.

-The come-down.

-Yeah.

There ain't really much what makes me happy now. I'm just carrying around massive boulders on my shoulders.

No-one to talk to about it properly or nothing.

And it is kind of messing with my head a bit and I would like more help with it.

Just coping and everything, because that's what I find hard.

I don't mind doing it, it's just coping with it I find hard.

Help is available to Hannah at her specialist school, but the trouble is

she hardly ever makes it in because of the demands of looking after her mum.

Can you explain what it feels like to be depressed?

It's like when my grandson was born, when I went to see him it was like, "Oh." I just couldn't express

how I was feeling. I should be really happy, but showing it, coming out, it's really difficult.

And that's really awful, because I should be really happy for them.

-Can you remember the last time you felt happy about something?

-No.

What about even going back to...

I don't know, maybe Hannah being born?

Even when Hannah was born, I wasn't really over the moon, it was like, "Oh, God here we go."

Because she was my second born, it's just like

I wasn't really happy, and, "Oh, here's my daughter," and that's it.

I just...hid it in, and yeah, and smile.

If people smile, smile back but...

Mmm, you're not actually happy.

No.

How are you feeling inside, right now?

I don't know.

-You're not happy?

-I don't know, I don't really know how I feel.

I just get up and take the day as it comes, really.

And if I'm in a horrible mood, everyone knows, and if I'm in a happy mood, they know.

Sometimes I just don't feel nothing, nothing really bothers me some days.

I feel bad, because where I get all this built up,

it's not a Hannah that...

-Sorry.

-Oh, don't cry.

-It's not Hannah that should be helping me.

And she misses a lot out.

I know you feel bad.

-It's not fair.

-But it's not anyone's fault, that's the thing.

Meeting Hannah has really saddened me. I'm worried that unless she gets

some help, she's in danger of becoming more and more isolated.

I wonder what's going to happen to her and what she's going to do with herself.

And I really hope that she stays on the right path, because I can see her slipping the wrong way

with the wrong people around her, and in the wrong scenario, so I just hope she stays positive.

It would be so easy for someone like Hannah to get into serious trouble.

I should know - I did.

By the time I was 15, I'd dropped out of school completely

and I started hanging around the estate in a big gang of girls.

'My best mate Mercedes was part of the crew.'

In the Ns! Ha-ha!

It was like hers was the perfect place to go and chill.

-For real.

-When we was bunking off, every morning at 8 o'clock, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Turning up in some big, long jacket covering up my school uniform, sneaking in, "Let me in,"

and I'd run into the house, take it off and chill out.

Go for a bit of wacky baccy

-and sit back and listen to some...

-Sleep the day away.

That's about it.

If you look really, at everyone within the group, everyone's life,

we all had some form of issue with parents or whatever.

When we was out and about, it wasn't about our issues or...

Yeah, it was our form of escape.

Escape, do you know what I mean? That's exactly what it was.

-And then when we went back home, that's when we'd have to deal with the bullshit.

-Yeah.

November '05. Mum's had one panic attack and one seizure.

When she had the seizure I spent the whole day at the hospital.

I want to take care of her, but it just stresses me out so much.

Anyway, just made her dinner and she's in the living room, chilling.

I've actually self-harmed here,

and wiped my blood on the page. And I've said,

"This is my blood, this is what life has done to me."

So this is when I was at my worst.

This was my suicidal stage, my depressed stage. I was very unhappy.

Yeah, just very depressed child, very.

from 13 all the way up until...

..honestly, it never fully went away until I got music.

Throughout my difficult teenage years, writing music

became my way of coping with all the sadness I felt about Mum being ill.

Writing for me is like a form of expression.

The first time I wrote about my mum was when I was

13 years old, and the song is on the Uncle Beat album, it's called Secrets.

# So who could be Behind my smile

# I'm crying out And I'm left without a hand. #

And it was about just being a kid

and being isolated and just looking behind my smile,

how I put on a front, but deep down and behind closed doors, how I'm really feeling.

# If it wasn't for the music I probably wouldn't be here

# It's why I pray to God Every day... #

Although we only made it big a couple of years ago, I've been with N-Dubz since I was 11.

Spending time in the studio was kind of an escape for me.

Maze, our DJ, has been with us since the beginning.

When you first met me, we hadn't made it yet, obviously we were still struggling.

What sort of a person did you see me as, when I was 13?

-You were a bit crazy, T, admit it, just tell you the truth, like.

-Yeah.

You were always on the mad ting, just out late nights.

Where do you think I would be without the music? Be 100% honest.

Probably in a council flat, twins...

SHE LAUGHS

..signing on. I don't know, man.

Probably just mad...

I don't know, probably in Sainsbury's somewhere.

If you continued in that, in the direction you were heading...

..it would not have been a good look, man.

Maze's right, music has given me a way out.

But this isn't going to be the solution for everyone,

and I'm really keen to help other young people who are suffering like I did.

I've discovered there's a network of support groups across the UK,

especially for young people who are caring for a parent.

And I've found one in Hannah's area.

-How you feeling?

-A bit nervous.

-Nervous?

-Just worried, in case they don't like me or something.

-Why would they not like you?

-I don't know.

-You never know, they could just be like you.

Good luck.

'I brought Hannah to Ashford Carers' Support, a kind of youth club for 12 to 16-year-olds.'

Except everyone here is caring for a family member with a mental or physical illness.

This is a big step for Hannah, and from here on, she's on her own.

-Hello, I'm Hannah.

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm really nervous.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

-I'm Angie, I run the young carers' projects.

Don't be nervous, everyone here is in the same boat as you. Do you know anybody at all?

-No.

-No, not at all? OK, guys, this is Hannah and we're just hanging out.

You know, everyone's really friendly, just decide if you want to do something.

If you want to make something or you sit in there and watch TV.

Hannah's obviously nervous that she doesn't get along with people very well, she's not a people's person,

but she's been really, really brave coming here today.

It's that first jump of just breaking the ice with people and meeting people.

Yeah, I feel all right now I'm here.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm still a little nervous.

It's a bit far for me to travel as well where I live in Dover, so it's a bit of a trek coming over here.

-I like your glasses.

-Thank you.

It does me head in when I talk to people and they go, "I know how you feel,"

when they don't. Because they've not gone through it, or they don't really understand or nothing.

It's about meeting other people that do the same things that she does,

and making her realise that actually, she's not on her own.

You can look around the room and think,

"Wow, every single person here deals with what I deal with."

-Introduce me to these new people.

-This is Sophie...

By the end of the afternoon, Hannah's talking to a whole group of girls her own age.

So what was Hannah like when she first came in?

-A bit shy at first, but...

-She was really bubbly.

See, look at all these nice things being said about you.

'It's clear that these young carers' groups provide a real sense of support.'

Do you feel like this place has sort of brought you out of yourself?

I felt like a new person, really.

We've been brought up together.

We don't see each other as young carers,

we just see each other as friends, and...

You feel, like, you're the only one with, like, brothers or sisters or parents that have problems.

-But you're not. When you come here, you all fit in.

-Everyone's in the same boat.

Yeah, it's like the same position that you are in.

-Hannah, yeah?

-Yeah, glad I came today.

Yeah, I'm glad you came as well.

That's one more friend.

OK, so how are you feeling?

-All right, really happy I came.

-Yeah?

Got on all right with everyone.

-Do you think you've made some friends?

-Yeah, I'm going to go out with Stacey when I get in.

Oh, my gosh, where are you going to go?

Erm, around the area or up the park.

Really? Straightaway and you've made friends and you're going out with people.

Yeah. It made me feel really good inside, as well, like.

So before, I wouldn't have done that, I'd have just say, kept quiet or something.

Knowing that I've made a new friend, it's made me feel better.

And, like, I don't know why I ain't met her before, cos, like, she lives in Dover as well.

That's absolutely amazing and I give you high ratings for that.

So, well done, and I'm really happy.

Small improvements can make a huge difference when you're struggling as a young carer.

But ordinary challenges can also throw you off course.

Mia finished her exams today, and I'm keen to see how she's coped.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-I'm fine, thank you.

-Long time.

-I know.

Hello.

-You've got a crutch on.

-I know.

-What happened?

-I had surgery, but I'm all right.

You're good? Ok.

How has your mum been, through all your studying, you know, how has that affected your studying?

How's things been at home? What's been going on?

Erm, well, Mum's been all right.

She's had a couple of days where she's, like, "Raaagh!, why is this happening to me?"

Erm, it hasn't really affected my studies because I did most of them at school, so it wasn't too bad.

There were a couple of days I was like, "Please, just leave me alone.

"I'm a bit stressed out here."

But I was all right, and so was Mum, I think.

How are you feeling about the exams? What do you think you've done?

Overall I think I've done... well, better than I thought I would do.

They were easier than I thought they would be.

All through her exams, I was so expecting there to be

flying hands and slamming doors and things, and she sailed through it, I was really impressed.

I'm really excited for you. I hope it goes well.

What happens if they're good, what's the next step?

-I go to go to college.

-You go to college.

-To do A-Levels.

If I do well, I'll be over the moon for, like, the rest of my life!

Let's get all emotional. Come on.

'As someone who never even sat her GCSEs, I'm really impressed with Mia's achievement.'

But how do young carers cope with the next stage of life?

When the inevitable question of growing up and leaving home appears.

Andy is 17.

He lives in Peterborough with his little brother, William,

and his mum, Linda, who suffers from depression.

I know.

-Thank you, darlings.

-There you are.

She's just, like, my best friend. She's not, like, a mum.

Everywhere she goes, I go.

Everyone, like, in the village, in the family know me as her shadow, or she's my shadow,

because we're, like, basically connected at the hip.

And I've got a poem.

"Mum, your birthday means so much to me.

"I have you in my life another year.

"My love and care and peace." And some kisses.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

Although she is on medication, Linda's illness can cause her

to have extreme mood swings and emotional instability.

When she's down, she's, like, proper down.

Doesn't want to talk to or see anyone.

She'll stay in her room for, like, days,

and can unplug the phone for, like, a week at a time sometimes.

And, people are phoning and they're not getting her, so they think something's wrong.

And it's kind of, like, I've got to deal with that, so I don't really have much of a social life.

I'm either at home, downstairs with my mum and granddad,

or in my sanctuary,

watching DVDs, playing X-Box.

Andy does go to his local young carers' group every couple of weeks.

It's the only time he enjoys hanging out with people his own age.

In what ways does she depend on you? What ways do you care for her?

It's, like, kind of cos she, like, I think if I'm too far away, she really, really worries.

And so, if I'm, like, in the village, she's all right,

but if I go to town and that she worries a lot.

I think she needs me more emotionally than anything. But I'm there to help with

the house chores and my little brother and cooking and stuff like that.

What's your ambition, out of here, and out of home?

Isn't there anything, you know, more that you want to do with yourself?

In two years, I'm joining the Navy.

-The Navy.

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow, and how long will you be away for?

Erm, after my training, I'll probably move out.

And live in a base somewhere, which could be anywhere around the world.

-Cos I want to be a medic or a nurse in the Navy, cos I really want to help people.

-Yeah.

-Have you told your mum about that?

-She knows that and everything.

-She knows that.

-Yeah.

I've said that, like, if she wants me to stay, I'll stay.

Cos family's family, and if she needs my help, she needs my help.

But she's, like, "No, I want you to go."

But I don't think she's thought about it properly.

Do you not think that that's not very fair on you,

if you stay because you have to, you know, take care of your mum?

Kind of, but at the same time not really, cos family's the most important thing.

-Mmm, yeah, of course.

-So family's family, and, like, dreams and that are just dreams.

Cos we've kind of got to a level where everything's kind of running together smoothly.

If, like, something changes it could mess it all up.

And I don't want that, cos it's smooth at the moment.

I hear what you're saying. It's like you don't want anything...

-little changes could upset your mum and then...

-Yeah.

And things could kick off again.

I know from my own experience how difficult change can be for people with mental health problems.

And Andy's obviously scared of rocking the boat.

But things have got to change, for his sake.

How do you think that it's affecting Andy,

your situation?

He's not had a childhood.

He had to grow up too young.

Even now, he's 17. I mean, people can laugh

and say what they like, but I still like him in at 9 o'clock at night.

I can't be dependent on Andy forever. I don't know if Andrew's told you, but he hopes to join the Navy.

How hard do you think it would be if he wasn't around to help?

Um...

Erm...

I wouldn't be here if Andrew wasn't here.

-Is it really that bad?

-Andrew's my lifeline.

How low does it... can you get when you get depressed?

-How bad does it get?

-When I lost me sister,

and my marriage broke down, a few years after, not long after...

Erm...

There was one particular time that, yeah, I was going to do it, well,

I'd actually started doing it, I'd started taking the pills...

Erm...

What were you going to do?

-I was taking the pills and going to sleep, I wasn't coming back.

-Could you get, you know,

to that stage again, now you still feel...?

Yeah, very, very easily.

But how does that make you feel, listening to that, Andy?

Cos I've known about it before, I'm not sure if she'll do it again.

I don't think she will but, like, sometimes I don't want to go out

when she's, like, really down, because I'm scared I'll come back

-and she'll, like, you know, not be here, kind of thing.

-Yeah.

And it's kind of scary and...

something I deal with.

I think Andrew's a lovely boy, and his mum is lovely as well.

I think they make a really good pair.

And Andrew obviously loves her to pieces.

Meeting Andrew today made me think a lot about me and my mum,

erm, when I was younger.

When I was that age, I was kind of, you know,

running off on wild nights out,

trying to do everything I can to get away from home and Mum.

And he's there, literally, putting his heart and soul

into taking care of her and making sure she's all right.

And it makes me think,

"Could I have done more?"

Although I'm no longer roaming the estate with a bottle of cider,

I'm often away from home, working, and leaving Mum makes me feel guilty.

-Hello.

-Hi, Mum.

-Hi, honey. Come in.

I've just exchanged contracts on my first home,

and moving out of Mum's is going to be a big change for both of us.

Yeah, you all right, yeah?

Yeah, I'm good. I've been working.

-Oh, good.

-I'll give you the update. Right, so...

you know that we've signed a deal to Def Jam.

Oh, right, oh, is that another record, another...?

That's, like, a big record label in America. I'm going to be flying out there.

When are you going, before you move in the house?

No, we're moving in two weeks.

-Oh, I can't wait.

-And I was thinking maybe I could take you up there.

-Erm...

-That'd be lovely, yeah.

-Your bedroom's lilac.

-Is it lilac, oh?

-It's really cute.

I love it, I love that.

You'll love it when you walk in. You'll be like, "Oh, it's lovely!"

What's the name of that record...?

I just feel, like, sometimes my mum's very vulnerable

and I have to look out for her and take care of her.

You can't say that me and Mum have a traditional

mother and daughter relationship, because it's not. She can't register things

in the same way, or do things in the same way, some of the time.

So, no. You know, that's a pretty standard question.

Of course it's not. It's very different and it always has been and it always will be.

There may never be a full recovery for Mum in the future.

But at least she hasn't suffered with mental illness all her life.

Like me, Mum was a singer, and before I was born, she was part of a successful band called Jeep.

The other members of Jeep were Mum's three older sisters, my aunties.

Moira is an auntie that I'm really close to today.

# I love the spell I'm under When the drums begin to thunder

# Boom-I-dee boom boom Boom-I-dee boom boom

# Like the tempo Of a tropic rain... #

Jeep were pretty well known in the '80s.

They toured around Europe and appeared on all the big chat shows of the day.

You grew up with these and were singing these and so you know them, like we did.

Mum looks lovely in that picture.

She looked beautiful in this.

Oh, my gosh, I got some pictures out here for you.

-Have you?

-Yeah, to show you.

-Memories.

-I know you may have seen some of them already.

-Yeah.

Look, and I was going to show you some of these, from our heyday.

Now look at Mum. That is like looking at you, isn't it?

That's mad. It's my mum in the press!

-I know.

-17-year-old Ann.

-17.

-Was she well, when was the first, like...

No, she was well there, she was very well.

When was, were there any signs before?

No, absolutely nothing whatsoever.

She started becoming unwell, it was around about 21, 22.

-About my age.

-About your age,

and, erm, I'm trying to think, but we were in Monte Carlo, actually,

and it was a very stressful week, because we knew Mum wasn't well.

What were her symptoms then, just...?

She went very quiet, very erm emotionless-like,

-very thin, erm... but racy.

-Yeah.

Her body was racing but she was very blank.

Yeah, did you know what it was, or did you just think....?

No. We did at that time, we knew she was having problems,

but we didn't have an actual diagnosis of what it was.

But she kept having these funny episodes, funny turns, whatever you want to call them.

The doctor would put her on medication, and she seemed to be levelling out.

She'd have good periods, and then things would slip again.

And we didn't understand why.

Her moods would change, and it was quite scary to see it,

and very upsetting to see it, actually, because, you know, she was so beautiful.

-Oh, sorry.

-Yeah, no, I know.

-So...

-I know, I know.

-So that's that little saga.

-Yeah.

-# La-da da-da da

-Don't let me wait

-# La-da da-da da

-Come to me

# Tenderly In the June night... #

A year later, Jeep split up, and Mum didn't perform in public again.

One of the things that Moira said to me last night was that my mum

began to show signs of the illness around now,

my age, basically when she was, like, 21, 22. And erm...

I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I think that scares me a little bit.

Obviously, I'm doing what she was doing now, and I'm around the same age.

And just like me now, I'm completely fine, and so was she, before all of a sudden it hit.

I just find it really bizarre.

I just don't understand how someone can go

from being a normal person,

to overnight completely loosing their mind.

Since I last saw Andy, he's applied to join the Navy...

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Welcome to London.

-Thank you.

..and he's having a meeting with the Mental Health Advice Service,

to see if they can help him to make the first steps towards moving out.

Rethink is a charity for all people affected by mental illness.

Including their carers.

It offers practical advice and information on a wide range of mental health issues.

How do you think we'd be able to help you today? What sorts of questions do you have today?

-Well, erm, in two years' time, I intend to go into the Navy.

-OK.

-And I'm, like, away from home.

-Yeah.

I was wondering, cos my mum talks to me about everything,

so what emotional help, what could she get, like, someone to talk to

or someone to meet up with and go for a coffee or something.

Yeah. One thing that you could consider if your mum was happy,

would be to have an assessment, a Social Care assessment.

So, erm, a social worker could come and do an assessment of her needs.

Before, when she asked for help, erm, we got social workers in,

and because our house was a mess, they put me and my little brother on the at-risk register.

-Right.

-And since then she's not really wanting help or anything so...

-Yeah, so she might have some anxiety about...

-Yeah, yeah.

..the Social Services may take steps that will take things out of her control.

If she was nervous about that meeting, then perhaps it could be a meeting you could agree

that you would be there and you could support her.

The main thing would be to make sure she's got the right level of support and care

when you're not available directly, yourself.

As always, the situation is difficult.

Andy's mum's fear of Social Services means that the easiest line of support is going to be

-really difficult for him to get access to.

-Do get in touch with us if you need any help.

There's not going to be any quick-fix solution for Andy.

But I hope that the meeting with Rethink will at least help him,

and his mum, start talking about how things need to change.

Quite interested in them until I saw Social Services come into it.

Social Services and me,

especially with my depression and stuff,

don't click.

I went to them for help.

I phoned them, asked them to come and help me when I was really depressed,

got judged, got assessed, and my kids were put on the at-risk register.

Where's your help in that?

But I know I've got to cope, because I've relied on Andrew too long.

And there's no way that I can do it to William, I cannae spoil William's life what I did with Andrew's.

We both need to separate, cos we're both got...

erm...

..an unhealthy bond, I think, sometimes.

It's his life, at the end of the day. I cannae keep making him help me live my life.

He's got to live his own life.

But if I could, I would keep him.

The difficulties of having a parent with mental health problems

don't stop, even when you grow up and leave home.

I've always suspected that mental illness runs in families, and that my chances

of getting ill are much greater than other people's, because of what my mum has.

At Cardiff University, they're conducting a huge study into the causes of mental illness,

to find out whether it's passed on through our genes.

-Hello, Tulisa.

-Hello.

-Lovely to see you.

-Nice to meet you.

Do you want to down to the laboratories, downstairs?

Oh, the laboratory.

'Professor Nick Craddock is head of the research group here.'

Tell me exactly what it is that you do and what you're studying?

Well, there's a lot that isn't understood about mental illness,

particularly bipolar disorder,

and schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.

And what we're doing is we're trying to learn about the causes and triggers of the illness.

What exactly have you discovered from your studies?

OK, well it's very clear from studying thousands of people,

that genes are involved in some way

in influencing someone's susceptibility to getting ill.

-The closer the relative is to you, the bigger the risk that you might get unwell yourself.

-Yeah.

You could say that something like bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder

would affect about 1 in a 100 people in the population generally, OK? 1 in 100.

If you have a parent, or a brother or sister, who has bipolar disorder

or schizoaffective disorder, then the chances of having it yourself would be probably about 1 in 8,

to 1 in 10, something, like, that.

Is mental illness hereditary, then?

Well, yes, I mean I, I think it...

I think really, probably, the meaning of the word hereditary would be

that there's a tendency to run in families.

So I'd say yes, I mean, it is in parts hereditary.

And, of course, in part it's to do with all of our experiences and life events and things, OK?

Basically, there's a number of people around the world

with a certain gene make-up that gives them the possibility that they could suffer a mental illness?

-Yes.

-But they tend to be a product of their own environment, so something usually triggers it.

Yes, it's not really right to think about it either being hereditary, or it not being hereditary.

What we believe is that really all mental illness is a mixture

of some of what you've inherited, and some of what you've experienced.

So, if it's not all down to genetics, can Nick tell if I'm susceptible to getting ill?

A psychiatric interview will give him a pretty good idea.

This involves him asking me lots of questions about my past, and my thoughts and feelings.

So let me get straight in with a question.

Do you think that you have had illness at any time?

I think that I've suffered from mild, very mild forms of depression, but more so as a kid.

Did it get so bad that you wanted to harm yourself or kill yourself?

Yeah, erm,

self-harming from about 14 to 16.

Hmm. Have you taken overdoses at any time or anything like that to try and end your life?

Once, I went for my mum's medication, but I wasn't sure what I was taking.

Ended up just being really sick afterwards. But with the intention when I took it to never wake up.

I suffer from panic attacks.

OK, can you tell me a bit about that?

Erm, they started from about the age of 14, when I was smoking weed.

They just...this overwhelming feeling of, "I'm going to die,"

my heart kicks in and just really strong palpitations, erm, to the point where I've passed out before.

So, Tulisa, I've asked you, obviously, lots of questions.

It's clear, that, like lots of people in the country, you have had

depression, and that means you're probably susceptible in the future to having more depressions.

What I would say is that in anyone who's had panics or been low,

it's really important to look after your health.

Both your physical health and, obviously, your mental health.

You've got to be particularly careful at avoiding risk factors that might trigger illness.

And those are things like trying to have, you know keep your sleep regular, get enough sleep.

I know that's difficult for someone like you who, you know,

is a performer, that's very tricky.

Erm... Avoiding drugs, so weed, you know very important to avoid those.

They can bring on illness.

Trying to be very moderate in alcohol,

avoid bingeing or very severe alcohol.

It's really important, OK?

So, I think there's a lot of things that probably you ought to be particularly careful about.

-Erm, because you've already had some symptoms.

-Mmm.

-And because your mum has been ill, it's a message that you need to be particularly careful.

-Mmm.

Nick's put it very kindly, but this has really freaked me out.

The truth is that as well as being genetically susceptible to

mental illness, I have a lifestyle that's putting me even more at risk.

The thought that, you know, from 1 in 100 to 1 in 10,

is quite a dramatic jump of, you know, the risk of me ever suffering from mental illness.

Erm... That's quite a lot to, sort of, take on board.

I'm not sure if I'm maybe pushing myself to the limit at times.

I don't know.

For me, it's just about now and working. Whatever happens, happens.

If I'm pushing myself to the limit, I'm willing to take that risk.

I'm willing to do anything to... to get to the top.

For me, work is 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If we're not recording in the studio, we're giving interviews, going to photo shoots, meeting fans.

I don't get any time to myself.

-You all right, Fazer?

-It makes it look easy, man.

-Come and say hello to my BBC Three documentary.

-Hello.

In the past two years, we've done four UK tours,

performing in a different city for 20 nights in a row.

This tour, to be 100% honest, compared to the rest, is absolutely manic.

One minute I'm here, getting a blow dry, the next, I'm on stage in front of 3,000 people.

Then I'm having an argument with the boys, and then I'm in the car.

It's something that comes with the job.

You just get used to it after a while, and you get used to the...

the whole, the manicness of it - if that's even a word - just the whole spontaneous vibe.

You never know what's happening next, where you're going to be

or what you going to be doing, and not knowing what's next becomes a routine.

CHEERING

When I'm up on stage, it's such a mad place to be.

You get this massive adrenaline rush, and there's so much energy in the room.

But then all of a sudden, you come off stage and it's almost like a come-down.

You do get left with this feeling of emptiness.

You got to go back to a hotel room, and you sit on your bed and look out of the window, and that's it.

Sometimes, I end up feeling quite lonely.

Andy has passed his recruitment test for the Navy.

And at home, he's no longer frightened of discussing his future plans with his mum.

I feel that when I move away, I'm going to be lonely for the first couple of months.

-It doesn't help if I'm in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, you know?

-That's true.

It's a big step for both of us.

But it's something we both need.

-Yeah.

-We're both dependents. We're going to be able to have a high dependency on each other.

-More so me than you, right enough. But it means you're growing up.

-Yeah.

-It means you're becoming, or we're both becoming independent.

-Yeah.

Things are looking up for Andy outside the home, too.

He's got himself a new girlfriend and Mum's adapting well to the changes.

I really feel there's a change because she's a lot more relaxed recently and that.

I mean, like, I'm going out more and I'm going further away,

cos, like, I'm going to see Ellis on Saturday again.

And I know I'll be away for, like, most of the day, and I won't have to come in until about

nine, ten o'clock at night, so I can go from ten till ten,

that's 12 hours, and she won't bug me or anything.

So it's all right.

Feed the wee tiny one, Mum.

It's not one of these things you just click your fingers and it's fixed. It takes time to fix.

And it may never actually be fully fixed.

But as time goes by, things should slowly start getting better.

Maybe one day they'll be this happy ending and everything. But right now there's not.

It's an all right ending.

So, things are going pretty well, and, from my point of view,

as long as my mum takes the pills and that, it could only get better.

There have been some big changes in my life, too.

I've come off tour and finally got the keys to my first house.

Moving in has given me some time to digest everything that's happened over the past few weeks.

I think that I've learnt that there are feelings underneath

that I do have, about the past,

and those feelings haven't necessarily gone away. That I've just shut them off.

I guess it's just been a journey that

maybe needed to happen

for me to kind of move on,

for me to just accept the situation, and, erm, deal with it.

-Hello.

-Come in.

-Is this Tulisa's home?

-It is, it is.

Oh, I'm in the right house, then!

Even though the house is mine, I've made sure there's a room for Mum, to come and stay whenever she likes.

And, are you ready to see where you'll be staying?

-Oh, let me have a peek.

-Yeah, do you want to look?

I'd, like, to see it yeah, yeah.

Right, this'll be your room.

Oh! Oh, Tula.

-I love the lilac and the...

-Yeah, I kept it.

It was the only room that I was happy with, like, the decoration,

and I was, like, "Mum will like this."

-Those lovely pastel colours, aren't they? And soft.

-Yeah, and I love 'em too.

-Yeah, I do, yeah.

I know for a fact that, you know, when I'm 45, and I have a husband, and I have kids,

and maybe even grand kids, and family of my own,

I'm still going to be there, thinking, "Where's Mum?"

How is she?

So, for me, and I know

90% of other young carers out there, being a young carer never stops.

You have your own life with it but you still always have that...

that feeling of, you know, "Where's Mum? How is she?"

-Well done.

-I did it.

-You did it, kid, you did it.

I did it!

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