Donor Mum: The Children I've Never Met

This programme contains some strong language

'This is a test-tube baby lab where you do all the work

'to try and make children for those who can't have them.'

For 18 years, Sylvia Barr's been haunted by a secret

she should never have known.

The difficult thing for any of us to appreciate

is how many children are actually in these canisters.

Here you'll see in the little ampoules here

the embryos will be kept.

In 1991, it was early days for a new kind of fertility treatment.

The major problem was where do we find egg donors? It's our continuing problem now -

where do we find egg donors?

I saw an article in a newspaper

about a clinic that were looking for egg donors

and I contacted them.

I didn't want payment, I didn't want anything other than to be able to help somebody else.

It was purely and simply anonymous egg donation.

Until the law changed in 2005,

anonymity was considered in the best interests

of the recipient and the donor.

Consequently, thousands will never know their donor

and thousands of donors will never know their genetic children.

But Sylvia's story turned out very differently.

I really thought that was it, job done...

but it didn't quite work out that way.

Another folder.

Like the queen of folders, I am!

Before donating her eggs, Sylvia had to sign a consent form

protecting the anonymity of both parties.

"If your eggs enable another woman to become pregnant,

"the choice of the recipient will be at the discretion of the medical staff.

"You will not be told her identity and neither will she be told yours. "

I wanted to do this, I wanted to know if it had been successful,

but I didn't want to know any more than that.

The clinic informed me that the recipient was pregnant

and I also got a bouquet of flowers from the clinic

with a personally written card.

"To a truly wonderful and special lady whose caring and generous act

"has given us so much hope and happiness.

"Bless you, you are one in a million."

I never imagined that I would ever be in a position

to know who the recipient was.

So it was quite a shock to me, really, to find out.

New Year's Day, 1992.

"Mother's tribute to the donor she has never met.

"Twins on the way for couple who lost sons in holiday crash,"

and the article stated that...

how far pregnant the lady was

and what clinic and I immediately felt...

like a blast, really, came through me because I realised at that point

that I was reading an article, looking at a picture of a couple

that were expecting twins as a result of my eggs.

There were further articles, etc, but generally it was fairly quiet

until their birth.

I remember being really upset when I saw that.

Nowhere along the process had I thought,

for one minute, that I would be sitting,

several months later, looking at a picture

of what effectively, biologically,

were my babies.

But until the television programme,

I didn't feel that I had anything conclusive.

Two years after the twins were born, Sylvia saw a BBC documentary

that confirmed her suspicions.

'Scientists can now enable grandmothers to become pregnant.

'A woman past the menopause can give birth to a baby conceived

'from the egg of an unknown donor. Shocking to some,

'but for one woman, this new technology brought hope,

'a chance to rebuild her life after overwhelming loss.'

I couldn't NOT watch it

and I couldn't NOT record it.

So I did.

'They were brought here to Walton Lea

'and they're buried here in this spot.'

This is where I see the card

with the writing.

'What was it like being back here where...?'

And compared it to the card that I had and the handwriting's identical.

Four years after the accident, the twins were born in Liverpool.

-Look, look...

-'Each weighed over five pounds -

'Katherine Ann and Jonathan Mark.'

He looks just like my son.

The video is of her breastfeeding the baby and that and it's like...

It does confuse me, you know, even watching it again now.

I don't feel as confused as I did when I first saw that all those years ago...

-..but it did confuse me.

-'..That I would have two girls

'and then when they said a little girl, it was perfect.'

-There they are when they're toddlers.

-'My dream all those years had been to see Howard

'holding his living child again in his arms.'

I felt a bit guilty, actually,

because I started to feel that they were going to be children one day

who may have felt that I'd given them away and hadn't wanted them,

even though that wasn't the case

and...

I got very confused in my mind.

The one nearest is Jonathan.

Anonymous donors have no right to information about their offspring

so Sylvia's case is exceptional,

but even she couldn't have imagined she'd find the twins

18 years later online.

So that's...

the boy.

And that's his sister,

so that's the twins.

Do you ever feel uncomfortable looking at their pictures like this

when they don't know who you are?

I do, because it makes me feel...

..makes me feel like I'm stalking, or that I'm spying on them,

and I suppose in a way, I am.

You know, it's hard enough having

two kids that aren't your kids, but are your kids...

It's so fucked up to be honest with you, you just don't know...

You don't know what you are and who you are,

and they must feel that as well, mustn't they?

You know, who am I? What am I to them?

Who are they? What are they to me? I don't know.

Now that they're adults, I need to do this, I need to make them aware...

..that I do know of their existence and their identities.

It's not only the twins that Sylvia's concerned about.

Six months before donating her eggs,

she had a son using a sperm donor.

# Happy birthday, dear Elliot

# Happy birthday to you. #

Hooray! CHEERING

Elliot is 19 and has left home to join the Navy.

He's never had a father and Sylvia's encouraging him to search for his donor.

The only information he has is non-identifying.

Ethnic origin - British. Skin colour - fair.

Blood group - blood taken. Don't know what that means.

Five-foot eight, so exactly the same height as me.

Medium build, pretty similar.

Brown hair.

Reddish beard. Oh!

So when did you find out that you were donor conceived?

I've known all my life. My mum's made a sort of a...

big thing of always telling me

and me always knowing.

So it's not come as any sort of surprise or...

..anything bad. So now...

..I'm over 18, I thought it would be quite nice

to maybe find out actually who my biological father is.

And the main thing, I think, is to find out if I'm going to go bald

or anything like that, rather than...

you know, expecting to have a father just there.

Those born after 2005

now have the right to contact their donor at 18,

but Elliot's only hope is to join UK Donorlink,

a voluntary register for anonymous donors and donor-conceived people.

For Sylvia, contact with the twins has always been an option.

I could directly pick up the phone now and speak to them.

I wouldn't do it, but I could send a message on Facebook if I wanted to,

or through Bebo, you know, it would be as easy as that.

Which is too easy, really, and not the right way of doing it.

You know, I don't want to upset anybody,

I don't want to hurt anybody.

-'Hello.'

-Hello, it's Sylvia.

-'Hello, push the gate.'

-OK.

Sylvia's already registered with UK Donorlink

so she's joining a meeting of some of their members to hear their views.

For a long time,

there was pressure from people who were donor-conceived,

who were finding it impossible to find out about their donor,

about whether they'd got any siblings out there

and finding that difficult.

There's this desperate need to know.

Where is this missing bit?

And I'm guilty of walking down streets, everywhere I go,

-looking at people, thinking...

-I do that all the time.

I go to a park with my children, especially if I'm near the clinic where I was conceived.

My partner laughs at me cos I'll be in this park

and I'll be going, "Over there, he's got small ears like me,

"he's really tall with grey hair", cos I've naturally got grey hairs.

My partner says, "Give over, come on," and I'm like, "There's one over there."

I can't help it, I stare at middle-aged men when I go out!

LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH

It must look odd. They must think, "She's strange,"

but you can't help it. You think, "Who are you? Where are you?

"Why don't you want to know who I am?"

and, you know, "Would you be curious?"

There's this huge void, you just can't fill it.

A few years ago, I interviewed a lot of donors and interestingly,

that phrase came up from a number of them as well.

"I walk down the street and I look at children that I think might be about the age

"and I wonder if they're my biological children."

Paul's nodding here.

I remember what happened all those years ago, there must be 30-year-olds out there.

I don't want to go through the rest of my life

without knowing who they might be.

When I had my son, I had IVF using donor sperm

and when he was six months old, I decided to...

give something back, to help somebody else,

so I donated the eggs,

believing that I would never know who the recipient was,

but I found out very early on.

They live in the north of England and I live in Surrey

so if they'd have been closer,

I would not have been able to control my curiosity.

They always meant something to me and they always mattered to me,

even though many, many people told me

that they shouldn't mean anything or matter to me,

I shouldn't feel any connection.

But they're now 18 and everything that you've said,

everything that you need, I'm able to give them,

which, you know, I really feel that it's helped me today

to really sort of reinforce that to me

because I did battle with it for years and years.

'Increasing numbers of donor-conceived people

'want to find their donors,

'but it's very unusual for a donor to make contact with their offspring.

'With no existing protocol for this,

'UK Donorlink have offered to help Sylvia take the next step.'

Well, I've been considering for quite a long time

the possibility of exploring it,

of whether I make contact

with the recipient of my eggs.

Right.

And I decided, initially, that when they got to 18, which was last July,

that I would do it and I've faltered,

thinking, "Oh, they're only just 18,"

and, "Oh, I don't want to upset them if they're doing exams, etc."

But I think now

the time is right.

For the children that were born of your donation,

receiving any kind of letter like that would be completely out of the blue

and might be quite a difficult thing, quite a trauma for them.

It's very difficult when you don't know what stage they're at,

but learning from adoption, we do know that adoptive parents in these situations

often feel very threatened when they think that their children

want to try and find their birth parents.

This is why I held back for all these years, because the temptation

very early on, and since,

has been to make contact.

However, I felt that while they were under 18,

it wasn't appropriate.

For this beginning, I would write something very, very low key,

just basically saying, "This is who I am,

"I thought you might want to know some more about me and, if so,

"please get in touch, or please get in touch with UK Donorlink".

That looks far less invasive, doesn't it? And, you know,

you're just offering up information and if they want to, it's there.

"It's not my intention to intrude,

"upset or...

"..distress."

"I am...

"enclosing

"an individual note

"to your son and daughter."

I've deliberately used "your son and daughter" all the way through

because I think that sounds less threatening.

I don't really want to take a wrong step with this,

I don't want to get anybody's back up.

I'd like to put, "I'm happy to meet them," but I think it is too early.

"I'm happy to provide any information... "

Is "need" too strong a word?

Do you just want the information?

No, they need it.

But I might change that.

"Yours sincerely"? "All the best"?

"Yours..." Oh, I don't know.

"Faithfully"? No.

Maybe I just won't put "yours" anything,

maybe I'll just sign it Sylvia.

I'm doing my best handwriting.

"Dear Mr and Mrs Isherwood,

"I am writing to you in regard to your son and daughter.

"I believe I was your egg donor.

"I donated eggs on the 24th November, 1991

"at the London Fertility Clinic in Harley Street, London.

"It is not my intention to intrude into your lives

"or to cause you any upset or distress.

"Your son and daughter are both now adults

"and it may be they are curious about their donor origins.

"I have a son of 19 who is donor-conceived

"and he has recently embarked

"on searching for information about his donor.

"I'm enclosing a photocopy of a florist's card

"that accompanied a lovely bouquet of flowers sent to me by the recipient of my eggs.

"I also enclose a letter from UK Donorlink,

"offering to act as intermediaries."

I can't imagine whether they've ever sat down and discussed anything about it.

I just over-analyse too much, I think.

They probably couldn't give a what's-it, could they?

"I'm enclosing an individual letter for your son and daughter

"which I hope you will share with them.

"Yours sincerely."

Eliot's left the Navy and he's now taking his next step in the search for his donor.

He's travelling to UK Donorlink's office in Leeds

to give a sample of his DNA.

This is the kit itself.

Swabs and consent form to go on the database,

then hopefully if he's on the database as well, there'll be a match.

I have occasionally thought, "Why would someone do that?"

Why did they decide to donate?

I mean, I'm fairly sure a lot of people have donated just...

for money or just on a whim, but you'd like to think

that there's some greater reason or cause for doing it.

Do you know much about the reasons why people donated?

Well, I think, from the sort of '70s and '80s,

which is when a lot of ours were, a lot of them were students.

Many of those young men

are now on our register because they feel,

"Yes, I did this when I was 20 or 18 or 19 or whatever

"and now I've got my own children, I realise the enormity of what I did

"and I think that whoever's created from my donations

"has got a right to know about me".

Everything that we do is done through DNA testing and that's how we try and make the link.

Unfortunately, if your donor never came onto the register,

we would never be able to make that link for you

because we don't have any access to clinic records.

A lot of them have either been destroyed, or the hospitals

and the clinics wouldn't give us access to them anyway.

You are in quite an unusual situation with your mother also being an egg donor.

So I just wondered how you also felt about that and about the...

possible half-siblings you have through your mum's egg donation?

I haven't really given it too much thought...

but I guess, sort of, it's more important for her to find out,

-or more important for her than it is for me.

-OK.

But it's got implications for you as well, hasn't it, because suddenly

from having been an only child,

you may possibly have got half-brothers and sisters.

Yeah, but I don't see it as all of a sudden I'm going to get

-less attention or anything like that because of it.

-No, no, I'm sure you're not.

-Try not to hold the cotton wool end.

-Yeah.

That's probably OK and then just press it down firmly in the middle of one of those little...

That's it, brilliant.

It will take weeks for Eliot's DNA results to come back from the lab.

But Sylvia's already had a response to her letter.

'I was expecting a long wait,

'I didn't expect to get a response

'less than 24 hours later.'

How are you feeling?

Nervous, very nervous, actually.

Really just...

I feel a bit sick, actually,

but it's like an excited sick rather than a fearful sick.

What do you think they're going to say?

I really don't know.

Here goes. Ooh...!

What?

You wouldn't believe the response.

What?

Bad?

No.

Wrong address?

No.

-OK, just tell me.

-Good.

Really good.

Read it out to me.

I don't think I can.

Why?

Because it makes me feel emotional.

Just give me a minute, all right?

I'll read it to you.

"Dear Miss Barr, thank you very much for your letter that we received today.

"I am Jonathan and well aware of my background.

"My mother and I welcome yours and Eliot's interest

"and wish to make further contact.

"Katherine is working away at present so is unaware of the situation

"and Mum would rather tell her when she sees her

"rather than make a phone call.

"Mum doesn't really use computers, but would be delighted to speak with you

"if you care to ring our telephone number,"

and they've given me their phone number.

So that is...

that is just unbelievable!

I'm just so delighted.

I couldn't have really

hoped or wished for anything better than that.

Wow.

Well, the bell rang

and the postman was standing there saying, "Sign for this,"

so I was quite surprised, I don't often get a registered letter.

I thought, "This must be important"

and...

opened it up...

..and inside were three letters.

One addressed to Mr and Mrs Isherwood and I thought,

"This is somebody who doesn't know that I've been divorced for 12 years".

I thought, "Goodness, what's this?"

So obviously I opened mine.

Jonathan was in the bath at the time.

Looked at the address at the top and I thought,

"I don't know anybody that lives at that address."

And the...

It's amazing.

The second line.

"I believe I was your egg donor."

It's just absolutely...

Oh, you know.

I was in the bath

and I'd only just woke up so I was pretty tired and...

..my mum knocked on the door and said,

"We've got quite an exciting letter here."

I said, "Oh, yeah, what is it?"

She said, "Well...

"it's the egg donor who donated the eggs to us, she's sent us a letter."

I was like, "That's pretty good,"

but...

I don't know, my mind was still processing it cos I was quite tired,

but I wasn't, at this point, I wasn't as excited as my mum was.

Had you ever imagined that your donor might try to make contact?

I was at college and I had some free time

and I decided to go on the internet

and see if there was any organisation which could help you

track your egg donor, cos I was always curious.

I asked Mum and she said, "Some people who donate eggs and sperm

"don't want people knocking on their door saying,

"'I'm your son, I'm your daughter.'"

So it's just amazing how this letter came through the post

-like it was meant to happen.

-Then, of course, Katherine's letter,

neither of us could see because she was working away and I thought,

"I can't tell her this over the phone".

Sylvia had done so much for me.

It wasn't the fact that she'd just helped to create

two lovely children,

but she'd given me my life back.

People think after a period of time,

the pain, it just goes, but it doesn't.

-So you've never seen this before, Jonathan?

-No.

I've never saw my brother before cos I wasn't born when he was alive...

..but he seemed to be a lively child.

He was a lovely little boy.

There's David as a baby.

Andrew adored him.

It would be me that chose Crete...

..because I like the warmth

and I like to think it was the closest Greek island to...

the African coast.

It sounded ideal...

..and the children were actually killed the day after we arrived.

We set off on this walk...

..and then this lad, driving like a lunatic...

..ploughed through us.

All the years that you put into your children, you know,

you go through having them.

You carry them for nine months, you give birth...

all the trials and tribulations of raising young children

and then somebody just wipes it out in ten seconds.

I've got two of the most gorgeous children you can imagine.

It's all been worth it,

but not to lose Andrew and David.

And of course the twins, they don't realise, but...

if Andrew and David hadn't died, the twins wouldn't be here.

I was 41 when the children were killed

and I was smashed to pieces from the waist down.

I had internal injuries as well as multiple fractures

and my body just shut down, it just stopped functioning.

But I knew that...

other children...

would help me

to...

have a reason to live again...

..and I was prepared to do everything I could

to try to achieve that.

It was a relatively new process.

You just did whatever you were told and the doctors said,

"Your donor will be anonymous."

You just accepted that, and when I gave birth,

as far as I were concerned,

they were my children.

But I never stopped thinking about this lady who'd donated.

She was often in my mind because every step of the way,

as the children were growing up, I used to think...

.."I wouldn't be doing this, I wouldn't be enjoying this

"if this lady hadn't done this for me.

"I wonder what she's like?

"I wonder where she is?"

Sylvia and Joan have arranged their first phone call.

I just hope that, you know, they're not disappointed

cos goodness only knows what's been going on in their heads.

Hello, is that Joan Isherwood?

Hello, it's Sylvia Barr here. How are you doing?

Yeah. It's really lovely to speak to you.

Are you OK, or are you still sort of recovering from the shock?

You're most welcome.

Ah, that's lovely to hear.

Well, it was me! SHE LAUGHS

So Katherine's coming home tomorrow, that's good.

She's going to...

She's going to be very, very surprised and shocked.

Yeah...

That's a good way to be, isn't it?

Yes. I saw you on that. I've got a recording of you on that.

Have you still got your mum?

Ohh.

Sylvia and Joan have agreed the next step

is for both families to meet.

But Katherine's been home and opened Sylvia's letter.

She just read it and said "Oh, right".

I said, "Well, it's wonderful, this. It's wonderful, isn't it?"

And, "Yes, it's very nice."

I can't remember the exact thing she said, but...

I was amazed that she wasn't sort of enthusing like I was enthusing.

And, er...

..I felt a bit flat actually, I felt a little bit deflated,

but I thought, well, I won't push it.

Sylvia's come to Plymouth to see Elliot,

but she's also heard from Joan.

'There was a message saying that Katherine hadn't been very enthusiastic.'

She hadn't really engaged over it at all

and didn't want to discuss it with her mum or her brother,

and, although she was encouraged to make contact with me by ringing me,

she didn't feel able to do that,

and I did sort of question whether I'd done the right thing

and whether I should then back-pedal and...

..kind of see where everything landed.

So, in the end, I just decided to let the dust settle

because I felt quite negative then about the whole thing.

Given Katherine's reaction,

Sylvia wants to know what Elliot thinks

about the two families meeting.

'I think he feels a little bit removed from the situation,

'but I would like him to be as enthusiastic as I am

'and to actually realise what it means.'

That's the email that I sent,

but, in fact, he doesn't check his emails very often

and he hadn't seen it when I rang on Monday,

so that was only two days ago that he actually looked at the pictures.

Jonathan's a motorcycle enthusiast, so there was common ground.

Obviously, I could speak to him about your motorbiking days.

The impression I have from the conversations that I've had

is that he's really, really excited.

I suppose we've got a lot in common, haven't we, with our, you know,

one of our parents was a donor.

Yes. The excitement is around you being a half-brother.

You started off in the conversation as being a half-brother,

and by the end of the conversation you were a brother.

-I thought that was really special.

-That's nice, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Do you feel that you would want to meet him?

Yeah.

I'm not sure how soon,

or, like, you know, in a few weeks, in a couple of months, or whatever.

I'd have to think about that, but, yeah,

-I would.

-Mmm.

Elliot's DNA is being processed

in the hope of finding a link to his sperm donor father.

Do you get nervous about people's results?

I do, actually, yeah. Well, I get excited,

because I'm always hoping that there's going to be something significant

and I get disappointed when there isn't.

How many people's results are coming back today?

-Should be ten, of which Elliot's will be one.

-OK.

The first thing they always report on

is whether there's been any link between a donor and somebody who's donor-conceived,

that's the thing they first report on.

I'm quite desperate for you to have a match

because I really think it's positive for you to...

..know about your origins and that half of your life that's missing.

-Oh, my days!

-I know.

-So, shall I?

-Yeah.

-Let's go.

"Dear Elliot, I have now received the latest set of results from our laboratory.

"There have been no links between you and any donors on our register,

"nor any significant links between you and any other donor-conceived adult,

"ie, possible half-sibling, on the register.

"I am aware this will be disappointing for you.

"However, this is the first time your DNA has been compared

"and it will be analysed on the database each time we receive new registrants' DNA samples.

"If you have any queries, blah, blah, blah, contact us."

So there we go.

-Oh, sorry, you're just stuck with your one half...

-Oh, what a nightmare(!)

Never mind, eh?

-That's really disappointing, actually.

-Yeah.

I did have quite a lot of optimism though,

I don't know why. Maybe it's just hope, I don't know.

-Just...wanted it, basically.

-Mmm.

Does that make you feel differently about contact with the twins?

-Do you see that differently, or..?

-Erm...

No, not really, I'm just pleased for them,

that they've got the opposite of, you know, of what I've got, really.

Katherine's working in mid-Wales while waiting to join the Navy.

It's now a month since she first read Sylvia's letter.

It was quite confusing. I didn't know how to react.

I didn't know how to feel, really.

I didn't know what I needed to feel.

It was just a bit weird at first,

cos obviously it just felt like a stranger's writing to you at first.

But eventually, after I started thinking about it and realising,

I was like, "No, this'd be nice to get back in contact and, you know, to try it,"

so, yeah, to meet up.

So it's just taken you time, really?

Yeah, definitely.

I always had in the back of my mind, like, you know,

I might not actually have anything from my mum who gave birth to me

and I always thought, you know,

maybe the lady who donated the eggs, deep down,

maybe I do want to know what she was like.

It's quite funny, cos the first time I looked at this picture

I thought it actually looked like Jonathan

and then when I see him with his mum

and his naval uniform it makes me think,

maybe that could be me one day with my mum and my naval uniform.

It's a bit weird to think, it's like Elliot's got part of me

and Jonathan, like the Navy and the fact that he likes his motorbikes.

'She's struggled, really, to come to terms with the fact

'that we've come into her life at a time when she's really busy

'and she's working away from home.'

And I'm really pleased that she's now open to...

making the time, where possible, to actually meet us.

It's been extraordinary, I think, that Joan wished I'd got in contact

years ago when they were children,

that she would've welcomed it and would have been happy about it, which was...

I felt really sad when she said that because I had held back all those years.

But the prospect of meeting them is so exciting.

You know, unlike Elliot, who's very laid back about it, I'm completely the opposite.

I'm really excited and chomping at the bit.

The two families have decided to meet in Wales,

near where Katherine lives.

I tend to take most things in my stride,

but I am excited.

I know it's going to be good.

I've already spoken with Sylvia on the phone

and we've got on like a house on fire.

I was 41 when the boys were killed.

It's a long time, 41 to, let's say I die at 80,

40 years being miserable,

but she took all that away

and so I've got an awful lot to thank her for.

And Elliot, my goodness, he's the bonus,

because I never thought about any children of Sylvia's

being half-siblings to the twins.

It never even dawned on me. I feel so stupid.

Well, I've spoken to Elliot on Facebook

and we seem to be getting along quite well

cos he's into motorbikes, and I love my motorbikes.

So did you ask first to be his friend?

Yeah, I thought I'd add him because, I don't know,

I was trying to time it right, because I thought

if I add him too soon it might've been a bit of a shock to him,

but he didn't seem to be confident talking to me at first,

but we're slowly building things up.

Elliot doesn't seem to have a massive gap in his teeth,

compared to Sylvia.

-Have you got a gap in your teeth?

-Yeah, there.

But Katherine got hers filled in, and I thought I'd keep it.

I don't really care about my teeth.

Well...

..just mainly for eating, aren't they?

Hairspray, straighteners, hairdryer.

Elliot had a chat with Jonathan yesterday.

-On the phone?

-No, on Facebook.

But he said to me, "Oh, I just spoke to my brother."

-(He called him brother.)

-That's what Elliot said?

-(Yeah.)

I refer to them now and he does as well, you know.

As I said to you, because for years it was "the twins".

So that's quite nice.

Let's say Sylvia is out with us one day and we meet somebody

and they know us, but they don't know Sylvia.

I would be happy to say, "This is Sylvia, one of my dearest and closest friends,

"who is also a dear and close friend of all of us".

If I started saying to somebody,

"This is Sylvia, the twins' biological mother,"

it would all be a little bit deep for them.

Another way you could say was, "This is the twins' genetic mother,"

but again, there are going to be people out there scratching their heads, saying, "What?"

Then they'd ask, "Oh, how's this happened, what's this about?"

And you'd have to tell them the whole story.

It's like, you're just better to say that she's a dear friend of ours.

You'd never get any shopping done, would you, eh?

Ah, let me give you a hug.

-Oh, you're freezing.

-I've been outside for a while.

-Oh, I'm so sorry to have held you up.

-It's fine.

-Oh!

THEY LAUGH

Do you want a cardigan?

-No, no, I'm fine. I've gone out like this cos afterwards...

-Really?

-I've got a coat in the back.

-It's fine, honestly.

-You can have this, sea cadets.

-No, Mum, it's fine.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

-Right.

-We're going inside now!

-I know, but...

-Oh, you're freezing.

-It's fine.

The two families are due to meet at a hotel in town.

They're going to spend the day together.

-Jonathan.

-Yes?

-Have you made your bed?

-Yes.

Have you? Good lad.

Having spent years worrying,

and wondering why did I know when I shouldn't know,

now I feel very, very fortunate that it was that way

even though, in the beginning,

it made me feel negative about the donation, cos it's gone full circle

and it's something positive

because I actually get to stand face-to-face...

with my genetic son and daughter.

I can understand, Katherine, why you like being here.

The only problem is you've got the sheep baa-ing when you're up in the morning.

We can't hear it from where I am.

-Oh!

-I'm shaking!

-Look after your old Mum today, won't you?

-Yeah, course!

-Just be yourself.

-Get your other children to look after you, as well!

I don't think it's so nervous

that you've got butterflies, you're just like...'

-I wouldn't say I've gone numb, but I've just got a weird feeling in my arms at the moment.

-Right.

I don't think I'll run over

and do, like, a cheesy American, "Brother!" then, like, run over,

hug him and everything. I think I'll shake his hand.

I'll hug Sylvia, give her a kiss to show my appreciation.

(OK.)

(Swallow!)

-OK.

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Hello.

-Wow! Oh, wow. Oh!

THEY GIGGLE

-Lovely to meet you.

-Oh, and you!

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, and you? How are you?

You're cold. You've come with a coat on, surely?

-It's out there.

-Oh, right.

-Hello, Jonathan.

-Hi.

-Can I give you a hug? Oh, Elliot.

-Very pleased to meet you. How are you?

-Very good.

-You're more handsome than your photograph!

-Hello, Katherine, nice to meet you.

-You too.

-Hi, Elliot.

-How's things? All right?

-Very good, yeah.

-Nice.

-Hi.

-You all right, nice to meet you.

-You too.

Oh! Oh, this young man, he's gorgeous.

Just looking at Katherine now,

you look really the same.

-Do we?

-Yeah.

-I don't know.

It's different to the pictures.

-Are we the same height? More or less.

-Yeah.

I don't think we're the same figure, really, he's a bit thinner than me!

Come on, stand together,

stand right next to each other and let's see.

-Eyebrows, definitely.

-Definitely.

The thick eyebrows. The blue eyes.

Jonathan has longish lashes.

-Your lashes are quite long.

-They are.

-Yeah, they definitely look bigger.

-It's that bit, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Look how that toe goes in slightly,

very similar shape. Isn't that fascinating?

-And you've noticed the gap in Jonathan's?

-Yeah, that's definitely me, definitely.

-Have you got one, Elliot?

-No.

-You got yours filled in.

-Did you?

Yeah. Just got a filling there now.

-Did you have the gap, though?

-Yeah, like yours, yeah.

-Really?

I'm just really happy to be here and that you all come along today.

It's absolutely lovely.

I mean, I can't take my eyes off Elliot, he's so handsome.

I can't get over this, you know.

-I've only got an empty cup.

-Oh, that'll do, Joan.

'Obviously, it's ongoing.'

We haven't had a beginning,

and now we're at an end.

It's just going to be an ongoing process.

When I was younger, I used to think about what the lady who donated the eggs was like,

but then I just got used to living without knowing, really,

and just thinking, you know, at the time,

thinking it doesn't matter, because we just learn to live without that thought in our head.

'I never classed it as a missing piece,'

I just think it's like an added piece now, which is sort of a good thing.

Here, you don't realise what children are going through...

Sylvia took a massive risk, though,

because it could've gone very successful, like it did,

or it could've gone the other way. We could've felt intruded.

So I respect Sylvia for making the choice to contact us.

'Really, to get to the point where you're actually meeting the family,

'it was just incredible, really.'

And I just wanted to study their faces

and hear their voices and really just soak up everything.

It's like the ice has all been broken, you know,

we know what to expect of them and they know what to expect of us,

what we're like and everything, so the biggest hill has been climbed.

It has. As long as we do get to see them again,

and as long as they're safe and they're happy and healthy,

I definitely got what I was hoping for,

which was contact

and a chance to meet them and be in their presence.

So, yes, you know, my soul is satisfied.

-Now we just have to hope the donor comes forward, Elliot.

-Yeah.

I'm still quite keen for that to happen now, after this weekend.

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