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THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE | 0:00:02 | 0:00:09 | |
I'm going to be a traditional surrogate, | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
which means that we're using my eggs. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
22-year-old Louise is trying to get pregnant | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
for a childless couple she hardly knows. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
I mean, there's a lot of pressure on me to conceive, | 0:00:22 | 0:00:28 | |
obviously because I'm doing it for someone else. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
I don't feel pressured by it, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
it's just you want so badly to be able to show them a positive pregnancy test. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:42 | |
You can see it every time they come in, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
where I think there's something there that just... | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
they still don't believe that it's actually going to happen for them. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:54 | |
Louise is one of a small but growing number of young women | 0:00:54 | 0:00:58 | |
who are signing up to be surrogates for infertile couples. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
But as they discover, the reality of giving someone a baby is often a world away from what they imagined. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:07 | |
Ta-da! | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
23-year-old Lyndsay is a first-time surrogate. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
She's seven months pregnant for a couple she met through an agency. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
When the other mums ask me, "Are you having a boy or a girl?" | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
I very quickly say, "It's a boy." | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
It's then, "Are you excited?" | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
"I'm excited. It's not mine, though." | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
And then they kind of look, "Oh!" | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
And the first question is, "Surrogate?" | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
It's very, you know... | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
..like it's a bad word and it's going to offend me. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
I get the, "Oh, my God, that's amazing. You're awesome!" | 0:01:58 | 0:02:03 | |
And I go, "Yes, yes, I am! Thank you." | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
It's all blown up nice and big now. Is that big like Mummy's tummy? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
-What's in Mummy's tummy? -A baby. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
It's a baby! You said it's a baby! | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Right, whose baby is it? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
I'm not going to be a rocket scientist, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
or cure cancer, or do anything amazingly awesome with my brain. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:35 | |
To get to the end of my life and think nothing I've done really stands out would really suck. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:41 | |
You want to have a go? | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
And Olivia's my baby, but not this one. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
-No. -No. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
What can they put on my headstone, you know? | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
"She didn't finish school, she had two kids very young. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
"Might or might not have got round to getting married, you know. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
"Never done anything amazing, but she was a surrogate and she helped a family get started." | 0:02:57 | 0:03:02 | |
So I figured, that's nice. You know, do something nice for someone. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:07 | |
That's very naughty! Come here. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
Lyndsay didn't use her own eggs to get pregnant. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Instead, she's carrying another couple's embryo. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
I don't want to part with my own child, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
and this way that I'm doing it, I don't see it as parting... | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
well, I'm not parting with my own child, so it's preferable to me. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
I couldn't have my kids having a half-brother or sister out there somewhere. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:31 | |
It doesn't sit well with me. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
So I always figured if I was going to do it, | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
it was going to be completely, biologically nothing to do with me. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
It was just me being a host... | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
..just me being an oven. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
I didn't know about the injections! I should have read more. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
But keeping her body from rejecting a baby that isn't hers requires a cocktail of drugs. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:58 | |
I have to do Gestone injections, 100mg every day, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
so the needles are huge! They're absolutely massive! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
I think that that is a bit big to be going into the muscle of your leg. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:15 | |
It is just so sore. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
Two cones, please. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
Right now, I think I've done really well considering, you know, | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
all these months have passed and I don't count myself as the mum. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
Once the baby's actually here, and out, | 0:04:29 | 0:04:33 | |
and he's got a face and a personality and, you know, | 0:04:33 | 0:04:38 | |
he's more than just moving about, | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
I think the dimensions will change. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
I'll either have to think about it a bit harder, | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
or completely detach myself. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
22-year-old Louise lives in Scotland with her ten-month-old son, Sam. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Three months ago, | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
a friend introduced her to a couple who had been trying to have a baby for 13 years. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:06 | |
Lin and Dave have been through three cycles of IVF, | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
and were ready to give up when they heard about Louise. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
OK, so right now, we have intended father | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
is making a sample in the bathroom. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
This is the bathroom. This is where all the baby-making starts. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:25 | |
It's quite embarrassing, going over to somebody's house | 0:05:25 | 0:05:29 | |
and having to produce a sample. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
Nervous, as well, for the first time when we've done it. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
This is their first attempt this month, | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
so it's exciting. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
This is the third time we've been trying, so third time lucky, hopefully. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
Do you use a special medical kit? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:50 | |
eBay. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
It's an artificial insemination kit. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:56 | |
It comes with pots and syringes. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
I think we thought, "Thank goodness the envelope never burst open | 0:06:00 | 0:06:04 | |
"so that the postman never seen what it was!" | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
This is us. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
Hopefully there's a baby in there this month. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
I love being pregnant. It was just a really joyous experience for me... | 0:06:17 | 0:06:22 | |
and to be able to go through that... | 0:06:22 | 0:06:28 | |
..and to be able to give a really deserving couple a baby at the same time is just... | 0:06:30 | 0:06:37 | |
..it means a lot to me to be able to do that for them. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:43 | |
Dave had actually phoned me at work, and had told me... | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
..about this friend of a friend that wanted to be a surrogate. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:54 | |
How would we feel about that? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
I think that whole afternoon I just sat and I couldn't concentrate on my work | 0:06:58 | 0:07:02 | |
because I was like, "Does somebody really want to do this for us? Is this for real?" kind of thing. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:09 | |
Very dignified, isn't it? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
I think we were mostly worried about the cost... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
..how much it would cost. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
And then, obviously, the "What ifs she doesn't hand the baby over at the end of it?" | 0:07:17 | 0:07:23 | |
I think that was another worry for us. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
I'm very aware that this is their baby. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
I wouldn't be going into this if I didn't think that I'd be able to separate myself... | 0:07:32 | 0:07:37 | |
..from being the mother figure to this child. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
Finding Louise through a friend means Lin and Dave don't pay an agency to match them up, | 0:07:45 | 0:07:50 | |
and Louise has accepted bare minimum expenses. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
I don't agree that people should have to pay a lot of money to get a baby. | 0:07:54 | 0:08:01 | |
I mean, babies are expensive in their own right. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
To make them pay for their own kids is extortion, | 0:08:05 | 0:08:11 | |
and I don't agree with it. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
Shannon is two weeks off her 21st birthday. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
Two weeks too young to be a surrogate in the UK. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
"Her crocodile voice made them shiver." | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
But she's already found her ideal couple through an agency. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
The agency will make sure she receives expenses to cover pregnancy costs, but no more, | 0:08:33 | 0:08:38 | |
as it's illegal to profit from surrogacy in the UK. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:42 | |
The photo that they had at the top of the application... | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
I mean, it was just so informal. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
They looked like a happy couple, | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
and they looked like the type of carefree, energetic people that would be able to cope well with a baby. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:57 | |
They wanted, or they've offered, as much contact as we want, | 0:08:57 | 0:09:03 | |
and they want to be there all the way through pregnancy, which is great. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
I mean, it's exactly what you want. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
You don't want to feel like you're pregnant with somebody else's child who's not really interested. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:15 | |
Kiera, any toys that you're not playing with, sweetheart, they need to go upstairs. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:24 | |
Shannon's arranged a first date with a couple she's chosen. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
If all goes well, it could be the start of a long relationship. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Oh, God, what is that? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
They're going to come in, look at the chair, and say, "That's filthy! We're not doing it." | 0:09:42 | 0:09:46 | |
So today is all about whether they think I'm good enough to carry their baby, really. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:52 | |
-Want to lock the door and hide upstairs? -Yeah! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Not good! | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
I'm just scared they won't like me. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
They'll see the house and they'll be like, "Ew, right, we're going." | 0:09:59 | 0:10:03 | |
Come on, help Mummy. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:04 | |
Come on, we've got to tidy up, keep it clean. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
They're both doctors, so I'd imagine they've got this huge house and loads of space, | 0:10:09 | 0:10:15 | |
and they'll walk in here and it's a bit like, "Yeah, it's tiny!" | 0:10:15 | 0:10:20 | |
Oh, God, this makes you impatient in itself, just looking out the window. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:26 | |
Like, "Pull up, pull up! Don't pull up! No, don't!" | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
I'm not ready. Oh, God! | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
Oh, God! | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
I feel like pacing. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Ugh, what time is it? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
I'm really nervous now. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
I just don't want them to come here and speak and stuff, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
and think that I'm just an ignorant young woman sort of thing. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:53 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
-MAN: -Hello. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
Oh, wow! | 0:11:03 | 0:11:04 | |
It went really well. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
I thought they'd be quite... | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
is "aloof" the right word? | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Sort of very distant. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:18 | |
But they weren't. They were really down-to-earth, nice people, and it was really good. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:23 | |
They had a cuppa, and we had a chat, and sort of had a laugh and a joke, and it was really great. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:28 | |
Yeah, and she says she wants to meet up... | 0:11:28 | 0:11:32 | |
Well, that they want to meet up again in a week, so I was like, "Yay!" | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
Yeah, it was really good. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
Louise has been trying to get pregnant with Dave's sperm for three months now. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:48 | |
Every month, she, Lin and Dave get together for a pregnancy test. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:53 | |
We're not getting our hopes up at all. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
It's the waiting game that's the hardest thing. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
You know, it could work this month. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
It could work six months. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
But whatever Louise is willing to try. As long as it takes. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:10 | |
I don't think I'm young to be a surrogate. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
This is like the prime of my fertile life! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
This is it! | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
It doesn't get any easier than this now. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Afterwards, it will be more difficult for me to be able to be a surrogate. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
It will be more difficult for me to conceive as I get older. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
If I was ever going to do it, it would be now. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
I haven't finished having my children. I'll have more children of my own after this. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
Really anxious. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Dying to know the result of it. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Sleepless nights. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
Nervous. Oh, yeah. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
I've put it in here. Two minutes. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Two minutes too long. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
Longest two minutes of my life! | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
I'm excited, but I'm apprehensive at the same time... | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
..because you don't know how they're going to react. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
As long as its happy tears, I don't mind. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
If it's, "Oh, my God, what have I done?" tears... | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
-Two lines! -Two lines! | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
You're joking. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:14:08 | 0:14:09 | |
13 years waiting. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
I know. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:12 | |
God, I actually feel like greetin'. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
Don't cry! | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Oh, dear! | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
Happy tears? | 0:14:22 | 0:14:23 | |
Aye. Oh, definitely. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
Definitely not unhappy tears. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
There it is! | 0:14:29 | 0:14:30 | |
Come here! | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
-Come here! -Family hug! | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
Lyndsay's difficult pregnancy has forced her to go part-time at work. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:52 | |
So the intended parents have offered her close to the maximum expenses of £10,000. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:59 | |
Wash your teeth! | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
It's been tough because we've been used to having a certain amount coming in every month, | 0:15:01 | 0:15:06 | |
to make sure we can cover things. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Basics, you know, | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
gas, leccy, food. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
And every month we've been short since I've been pregnant and had to go down to part-time. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:18 | |
Takes away the altruism, as well, | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
when you've got to actually start taking, you know, expenses and stuff from the couple. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:26 | |
I mean, I'm no better off, but I don't like asking for it at the same time. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:34 | |
It's very uncomfortable. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:35 | |
At 32 weeks, Lyndsay's finally off the anti-rejection drugs. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
But her lack of biological link to the baby is making itself known in other ways. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:46 | |
I do have a long-running joke with everyone that it's a teenager already, | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
and it's going, "You're not my mum! Bleugh!" and making me feel sick. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
I told the parents. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
I was like, "I hate you! I can't eat cheese any more. I've just been sick again," | 0:15:56 | 0:16:00 | |
and it turns out the dad doesn't like cheese. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Dev doesn't like cheese at all, doesn't like anything that tastes good! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:07 | |
He has pizza without cheese. What's wrong with you?! | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
With just six weeks to go before Lyndsay hands the baby over, | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
the intended parents are filling up their time... | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
and the nursery. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:27 | |
The other thing... | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
I know you don't think, necessarily, that we'd need one, | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
but I was looking at getting one of the sort of room temperature things, | 0:16:32 | 0:16:37 | |
because you're supposed to help keep an eye on whether it's too hot or too cold. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:41 | |
That's completely up to you. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
I have had some surprised looks | 0:16:43 | 0:16:47 | |
especially when you're out shopping, | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
and you're saying, "Oh, well, I need to have it because | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
"baby's due in two or three weeks," | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
and the eyes go down, and then come back up and go, "Pardon?!" | 0:16:54 | 0:16:59 | |
Joy and Dev had been trying for a baby for seven years and exhausted every fertility treatment. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:06 | |
Lyndsay was the first surrogate they contacted. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
I think it was the second file I read was Joy and Dev's. That was what I got through. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:18 | |
That was the second one I read out of my batch of four that I had to choose. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:23 | |
And I looked at them, and then it got to the infertility and clinical diagnosis part, | 0:17:24 | 0:17:30 | |
and that's the bit I started getting really emotional. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
It's like every attempt that she's tried to get pregnant herself failed, failed, failed. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:39 | |
And that just totally killed me. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
We've been disappointed now, | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
six, seven times, | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
so we don't think about it. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
You do put a lot of emotional safeguards in place, | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
and you don't let yourself think about things. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
You don't let yourself plan because you can't afford to. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
Because if it then fails, or you don't get very far, then it hurts two, three times as much. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:06 | |
Shortly after Lyndsay received their file, they had another set-back. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:11 | |
Joy was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:15 | |
"Now I need to start chemotherapy. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
"After treatment, I will have a 90% chance of survival, though. We caught the cancer early." | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
The fact that she's had to write that down, just so no-one discounts her, | 0:18:23 | 0:18:27 | |
because I know that's why she wrote it. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
It's obvious. No-one's going to want to have a baby for someone that might die. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:34 | |
It was just one thing after another, and I thought, "Someone's got to give these two a break," | 0:18:34 | 0:18:39 | |
so I gave them a break. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
Since getting pregnant four months ago, | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Louise has seen very little of Lin and Dave. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:55 | |
My mum's convinced I'm having a girl. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
My mum's convinced it's going to be a girl, | 0:18:57 | 0:19:01 | |
because I've just been wanting to eat chocolate all the time, and I'm not really a big chocolate eater. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:06 | |
Do you know, it's funny, I've been telling people this for the past couple of weeks. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
I do not feel pregnant. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
I just feel under the weather. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
I feel ill, like I've got the man flu or something! | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
I'm just sleeping all the time, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
and sweaty and roasting one minute, cold the next. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
My feet are sore. My back's sore. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
But I don't feel pregnant. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
With Sam I loved it. I loved being ill because it meant something. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:37 | |
And this time, I'm just ill. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Just like, "Give me a break! | 0:19:39 | 0:19:40 | |
"Can I please just have one cup of tea without it coming back on me?!" | 0:19:42 | 0:19:46 | |
Today is a rare occasion for Louise, Lin and Dave to get together. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
It's Louise's 20-week scan. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
That is... | 0:19:56 | 0:19:57 | |
Is that part of your insides maybe? | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Maybe it is, yeah. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
It's maybe a bit of the umbilical cord, actually. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:05 | |
Now, are you looking for a resemblance to your son? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
Yeah, I was having a wee look, to see if I could see any. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:13 | |
This is your cousin. "Hi, cousin." | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
Hi, cousin. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:16 | |
Feel that. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
Ah, look at its wee nose. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
-Don't remember being this happy since we got married. -Ah, cheese. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:27 | |
-Can you feel the kind of weight shifting about? -Uhuh. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:33 | |
That's the baby's head. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
That's amazing, it really is. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
Well, I mean, I knew that I couldn't be the biological mother, | 0:20:42 | 0:20:47 | |
um... | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
but just the fact that Dave's the biological father... | 0:20:49 | 0:20:52 | |
..means so much to us that it's half of ours, | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
although the baby will be ours, | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
but biologically Dave is going to be the father, | 0:21:00 | 0:21:05 | |
I mean, at the end of the day, we just want this tiny baby so desperately | 0:21:05 | 0:21:11 | |
so this is a way where we'll have a tiny baby. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
So, yeah, I'm happy about it. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Let's make a start, OK? | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
So what we do is get everything prepared first. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
All your toiletry stuff you need - clean nappies... | 0:21:28 | 0:21:31 | |
Just four weeks before the baby is due, | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
Joy has finally finished her cancer treatment, | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
and she can begin to look forward to the birth. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
Yes, that's right, yeah, brilliant. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
We lift the baby up, support it through the neck. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
That's right, brilliant, excellent, yeah. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:50 | |
I do think about, you know, literally him being passed to me | 0:21:50 | 0:21:56 | |
and, yes, it is about sort of bringing him close to me | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
and letting him smell me, and sort of feel my skin, | 0:22:00 | 0:22:05 | |
and being able to feel his skin. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
I'm very much hoping that because I will be the first person he comes to, | 0:22:07 | 0:22:12 | |
he won't know any different, | 0:22:12 | 0:22:13 | |
he won't realise that it's not the person that's actually been carrying him. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:19 | |
I want to make sure I look professional. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
You've done absolutely amazing. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
As I said, the baby's do pick up on it, | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
they like you to be confident. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:29 | |
Yeah, they do, yeah. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
I managed to do skin to skin with both of mine for ages, | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
and I still feel it, you know, with them when I look at them. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
It's embedded within me | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
so I need to avoid that with this one because I can't afford to be, you know, | 0:22:42 | 0:22:48 | |
emotionally connected to it, if I've managed to avoid it all this time... | 0:22:48 | 0:22:52 | |
..I'd like to avoid it with this one because it's not mine, he's not mine. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:58 | |
Hello. Come in. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:02 | |
Time is running out to get the hospital on board with the birth plan. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:06 | |
Both parties are anxious about one detail in particular. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
Who gets the first cuddle. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
When the baby's born, he must be immediately handed | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
to Joy or Dev, whoever's physically closest. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:18 | |
-Yeah, I mean it's a question of it being handed straight... -Yeah, that's... -..without you... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:24 | |
I just think that a midwife will do exactly what a midwife does | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
on every other occasion and just naturally hand it, | 0:23:27 | 0:23:32 | |
because that's what they do. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
I told Carol I'm taking away the option of... | 0:23:34 | 0:23:39 | |
having a water birth so I don't have to be the one handed to the baby. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
I said make it clear on my notes, make it clear, | 0:23:43 | 0:23:47 | |
get it down as quickly as possible, clip it and move it. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
Just don't let me even, you know, touch him until he's been wrapped up and handed to Mummy. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:54 | |
-Make sure the nurses and midwives are all well... -Well aware. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:58 | |
Well aware, because force of habit could cause one of them to... | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
Just accidentally throw it on, yeah. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
I'll just have to keep shouting, "It's not mine! Hand it over!" | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
"It's ours, pass him here!" | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
This is my favourite place. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:16 | |
On a really nice day, it's really, really pretty. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:22 | |
This is where I come to... | 0:24:25 | 0:24:29 | |
..have a wee chat to myself, | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
sort things through in my head, if I'm confused about anything or upset about anything, | 0:24:34 | 0:24:38 | |
I'll come up and maybe have a cry from time to time. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:42 | |
There's definitely a part of me that feels like I don't have... | 0:24:42 | 0:24:46 | |
..someone else there or have anyone else that's ever been through this before | 0:24:47 | 0:24:52 | |
to speak to, kind of chat about it, it'd be nice. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:58 | |
You know, what comes next? | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
At what point does the baby start being a baby? | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
I had my 20-week scan this morning and I still don't feel pregnant. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
I can see the baby on the screen and I can feel it kicking | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
but it's not my baby. I just don't have any attachment to it at all | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
and I don't suppose that's a bad thing given the circumstances, | 0:25:20 | 0:25:24 | |
but it's still a baby. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
I want to know at what point it kicks in and when it does kick in, | 0:25:26 | 0:25:31 | |
what kind of reaction, what kind of knock-on effect does it have? | 0:25:31 | 0:25:36 | |
It's surreal, it's a really surreal experience. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
It's the most surreal thing I've ever done. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:46 | |
I've been doing Anne Summers now for five and a half years | 0:25:52 | 0:25:55 | |
and I absolutely love my job because I love sex. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
-I do, mate. -Yeah, it's fantastic, isn't it? | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
Right, so first of all I would like to say a big, | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
big happy birthday to Shannon. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
Shannon is finally old enough to be a surrogate. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
THEY SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:13 | |
But she's discovering the intended parents she chose | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
are not as ideal as she thought. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
I wasn't getting any telephone calls and sort of an email every sort of five or six days. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:25 | |
I was asking how exams were going, what work was like, | 0:26:25 | 0:26:29 | |
what sort of things they were getting up to, what the family think, things like that. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:34 | |
I wasn't getting a reply to it, like they weren't willing to let me in, | 0:26:34 | 0:26:38 | |
they wanted me there to carry the baby and stay out of my life, | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
and I was getting that vibe, and I didn't want that. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
It'd be really disappointing at the end of nine months | 0:26:43 | 0:26:48 | |
to feel, "Oh, my God, I don't want to do that again, ever." | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
And never, like, hear from them again and just think... | 0:26:51 | 0:26:57 | |
yeah, just to regret it. I don't want to regret it, I want to make...yeah... | 0:26:57 | 0:27:01 | |
I want to make myself feel like, yeah, I've done something good | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
and I've come out of it actually quite happy and yeah... | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
I don't know if I'm making sense. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
I just want to make friends, maybe that's a better way to say it, | 0:27:11 | 0:27:15 | |
I just want to be friends with people and not used, | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
I don't want to come out of it sobbing, | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
because I've just been through pregnancy, haven't got a baby, thinking, | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
"Actually, they've just used me." And then feel down about that as well. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
So yeah, that's about it. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
I'd love to actually go through the whole pregnancy experience, | 0:27:48 | 0:27:53 | |
to actually feel the changes because it does form an important | 0:27:53 | 0:27:56 | |
part of the bonding process, so I do miss that. | 0:27:56 | 0:28:03 | |
I do look at Lyndsay and it is kind of like an extension of me, | 0:28:05 | 0:28:09 | |
you know, she's doing it for me, she's having the expansion | 0:28:09 | 0:28:15 | |
and having the feelings and the tests for me and she does the best that she can | 0:28:15 | 0:28:21 | |
to, sort of, pass things on to me | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
so that I can try and get a sense of the pregnancy. | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 | |
This is the good part, this is the bit that I can actually really associate with | 0:28:26 | 0:28:30 | |
when I can start to hear his little heart beat going, | 0:28:30 | 0:28:35 | |
and last time we did this, he gave the sensor a good kick. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:40 | |
He was like, "No, I don't want to. Leave me alone, get out of my way." | 0:28:40 | 0:28:45 | |
Oops, am I sitting on your chair? | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
CHILDREN CHATTER | 0:28:58 | 0:29:01 | |
Oh, is the baby moving? | 0:29:02 | 0:29:04 | |
In the last weeks of her pregnancy, | 0:29:04 | 0:29:06 | |
Lyndsay's spending as much time as she can with Joy and Dev. | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
What's occurring, baby? | 0:29:12 | 0:29:14 | |
The baby's getting ready to come out. | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
I feel more pregnant now than I have even with my own two. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:22 | |
I dunno, more because it's the waiting to hand it over, | 0:29:24 | 0:29:31 | |
rather than waiting to bring a baby home, | 0:29:31 | 0:29:33 | |
the only thing I've got to look forward to is to try and get my body back, trying to get exercise in. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:39 | |
I mean, it is hard, it's getting to that point now when I'm like, | 0:29:45 | 0:29:48 | |
"Gosh." | 0:29:48 | 0:29:50 | |
You see, you know, like, at the supermarket, | 0:29:50 | 0:29:52 | |
and you see the little new-born babies in their prams and the trolleys, | 0:29:52 | 0:29:56 | |
and everyone's kind of looking and say, "Oh, how young, you know, how cute are they." | 0:29:56 | 0:30:00 | |
And I think, "Gosh, I'm not going to get that part now, that proud moment at the end." | 0:30:00 | 0:30:05 | |
But it's all right. It's weird. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
I don't know how I feel about it yet. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:09 | |
Hello. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:14 | |
28 weeks into her pregnancy, | 0:30:16 | 0:30:19 | |
Louise has finally found an outlet for her concerns. | 0:30:19 | 0:30:21 | |
She has started an online blog about her growing bump. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:26 | |
And her growing feelings towards it. | 0:30:26 | 0:30:28 | |
I do a lot of talking about this pregnancy. | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
It's good to catch up with other people | 0:30:31 | 0:30:34 | |
that are at the same point in their pregnancies as you. | 0:30:34 | 0:30:37 | |
You do get somewhat attached to the baby... | 0:30:37 | 0:30:40 | |
..in a way, and the baby's moving about a lot, and... | 0:30:42 | 0:30:50 | |
beginning to wonder what the baby's going to look like | 0:30:50 | 0:30:55 | |
and it's very easy to get that kind of bond going, | 0:30:55 | 0:31:00 | |
that kind of attachment. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
It becomes confusing in your head. | 0:31:02 | 0:31:04 | |
When my gran was dying, it got a bit confusing for me. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:10 | |
And the idea that this baby... | 0:31:11 | 0:31:14 | |
..could be a girl... | 0:31:16 | 0:31:17 | |
..upset me quite a bit, | 0:31:19 | 0:31:22 | |
I was really quite distraught over it because I thought... | 0:31:22 | 0:31:26 | |
..you know, I could be giving away my gran's only great-granddaughter. | 0:31:30 | 0:31:33 | |
Louise is going for a private scan | 0:31:38 | 0:31:41 | |
so Lin and Dave can get a better look at the baby. | 0:31:41 | 0:31:43 | |
They're hoping the images will make a nice addition to their Christmas cards. | 0:31:43 | 0:31:47 | |
THEY SIGH | 0:31:53 | 0:31:56 | |
Ah... | 0:31:56 | 0:31:59 | |
Oh, that's definitely Dave's nose, isn't that? | 0:32:02 | 0:32:07 | |
Well, it's definitely not mine and I'd worry if it was anybody else's. | 0:32:07 | 0:32:10 | |
Oh, God, look at that. That's like, "Peek, hiya." | 0:32:12 | 0:32:17 | |
Peekaboo. | 0:32:17 | 0:32:19 | |
Oh, that is just so amazing, | 0:32:19 | 0:32:23 | |
that that's inside you like that, | 0:32:23 | 0:32:27 | |
honestly, it's just... | 0:32:27 | 0:32:30 | |
God. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:33 | |
I mean, I look at that baby and I think of it as my baby. | 0:32:39 | 0:32:44 | |
OK, it's not my body, | 0:32:44 | 0:32:46 | |
but even though it's not biologically mine, | 0:32:46 | 0:32:49 | |
it's still, I mean, I've bought the stuff for it | 0:32:49 | 0:32:54 | |
and it's like still exciting. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:57 | |
I mean, I don't feel less... I don't know. | 0:32:57 | 0:33:01 | |
Sometimes I would say it gets frustrating for me | 0:33:01 | 0:33:04 | |
because I'm missing out on the baby kicking | 0:33:04 | 0:33:07 | |
and you know, I will never know what that feels like to experience that, | 0:33:07 | 0:33:12 | |
but it's still my baby. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:15 | |
Oh, yeah, she told me that she's doing Bailey's jelly shots now. | 0:33:18 | 0:33:25 | |
Shannon's broken off all contact with the first intended parents she met. | 0:33:25 | 0:33:29 | |
But a few weeks after her 21st birthday, | 0:33:30 | 0:33:32 | |
she's already in a relationship with a new couple. | 0:33:32 | 0:33:37 | |
I've met a couple, I don't know whether they're THE couple yet, but... | 0:33:37 | 0:33:42 | |
They're sort of really nice, so yeah, maybe. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:46 | |
I don't think I'm going to be doing any of the asking. If they like me, then hopefully they'll say so. | 0:33:47 | 0:33:54 | |
Shannon was initially against using her own eggs, | 0:33:56 | 0:33:58 | |
but this couple are asking her to be a traditional surrogate, | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
so she's talking it through with her partner, Trevor. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:04 | |
It's going to be half genetically Shannon's, half VIF. | 0:34:04 | 0:34:08 | |
It's just going to be... | 0:34:08 | 0:34:11 | |
different to what we were first thinking, wasn't it, babe? | 0:34:11 | 0:34:15 | |
You do worry, you worry, don't you, that...I mean, I don't want him... | 0:34:15 | 0:34:21 | |
My biggest worry is I don't want him to feel totally repulsed by me | 0:34:21 | 0:34:24 | |
because I'm carrying another guy's sperm | 0:34:24 | 0:34:26 | |
and then another guy's baby in me. | 0:34:26 | 0:34:28 | |
That's the only concern I've got throughout the whole thing, I don't want him to totally go off me. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:33 | |
It will be a very weird thought. | 0:34:33 | 0:34:35 | |
I think when you think about it like that. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:37 | |
When you think about it like that, it's very strange... | 0:34:37 | 0:34:41 | |
But when you think I'm actually just holding their baby. | 0:34:41 | 0:34:43 | |
Yeah, it's like you're just carrying their baby. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:46 | |
I think if I'd actually had sex with the guy, | 0:34:48 | 0:34:51 | |
that would have been weird, the fact that nothing really untoward's happened. | 0:34:51 | 0:34:57 | |
-You've just like, yeah... you can deal with it. -Yeah. | 0:34:57 | 0:35:00 | |
I don't want to sound crude, but do you know that feeling that you get after sex, | 0:35:02 | 0:35:06 | |
that sort of that blissful "oh, my God, there's nothing in the world that could go wrong" feeling? | 0:35:06 | 0:35:12 | |
You sort of, after you've had a baby, you're holding them in your arms | 0:35:15 | 0:35:19 | |
and you look down at them and it's like, "I've got my baby, nothing can go wrong." | 0:35:19 | 0:35:25 | |
And it happens the first time and the second time you hold your baby | 0:35:25 | 0:35:28 | |
and it's like you've got the world in your hands. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:31 | |
To give that feeling to someone else, and to sit there and be able to watch it... | 0:35:31 | 0:35:36 | |
..that's amazing. That's what I'll get out of it, knowing that I did that. | 0:35:38 | 0:35:44 | |
SHE GROANS IN AGONY | 0:35:50 | 0:35:52 | |
At the last minute, | 0:35:52 | 0:35:53 | |
Lindsay, Joy and Dev have decided that a home birth is the best way to make sure | 0:35:53 | 0:35:57 | |
everyone sticks to the birth plan. | 0:35:57 | 0:35:59 | |
And Lyndsay's partner Alan is there to help as well. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
LINDSAY SCREAMS IN PAIN | 0:36:05 | 0:36:06 | |
This is the hard part. | 0:36:06 | 0:36:08 | |
LINDSAY CONTINUES SCREAMING | 0:36:08 | 0:36:14 | |
SHE GROANS IN AGONY | 0:36:14 | 0:36:16 | |
Good girl, you are doing so well. | 0:36:16 | 0:36:19 | |
It's OK, it's OK. We're doing really well, | 0:36:22 | 0:36:25 | |
or, in fact, YOU'RE doing really well. | 0:36:25 | 0:36:27 | |
-I'm doing really well. You're just sitting there. -I know, it was a slip of the tongue. | 0:36:27 | 0:36:33 | |
I wish the baby could just slip out with no problem, that would be brilliant. | 0:36:35 | 0:36:39 | |
When are you going to go up? | 0:36:42 | 0:36:44 | |
When things are tidied away. | 0:36:45 | 0:36:47 | |
LINDSAY SCREAMS IN PAIN | 0:36:47 | 0:36:50 | |
When it's safe to do so. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:51 | |
I don't want to push any more. | 0:36:53 | 0:36:56 | |
You don't have to push just yet, I want you to breathe. | 0:36:56 | 0:36:59 | |
No, I mean, full stop, like no more. | 0:36:59 | 0:37:02 | |
-Oh, you don't want to do it now. -No, I changed my mind. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:06 | |
Fair enough. | 0:37:06 | 0:37:07 | |
There's only one problem - I don't think we can go back now. | 0:37:09 | 0:37:12 | |
With only weeks to go before the baby is due, | 0:37:23 | 0:37:26 | |
Louise's health has taken a dramatic turn for the worse, | 0:37:26 | 0:37:28 | |
and she's stopped sharing her feelings online. | 0:37:28 | 0:37:32 | |
This pregnancy has been hell on earth compared to my pregnancy with my wee boy. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:39 | |
This is designed to help lift the weight of the baby. | 0:37:49 | 0:37:54 | |
Up out of my pelvis so that it isn't as heavy. | 0:37:56 | 0:38:03 | |
My... | 0:38:05 | 0:38:08 | |
pelvis is slightly displaced. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:10 | |
And I struggle to walk because of it. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:15 | |
I struggle to do pretty much anything because of it. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:21 | |
And they've given me crutches to wear. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
I'm housebound. My wee boy is 18 months now | 0:38:26 | 0:38:31 | |
and I can't leave the house without having somebody with me because I have to be on crutches | 0:38:31 | 0:38:36 | |
and I can't push his pram. | 0:38:36 | 0:38:38 | |
And I can't get down on the floor to play with him. | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
Without sounding too whingy about it, | 0:38:45 | 0:38:48 | |
this whole pregnancy's been a bit of a nightmare. | 0:38:48 | 0:38:51 | |
I'm doing all of this and I'm not, I'M not really getting anything out of it. | 0:38:51 | 0:38:57 | |
I mean, it's great, nice warm fuzzy feelings that I'm doing something really nice for somebody else, | 0:38:59 | 0:39:04 | |
but when you begin to see all the things that you've missed out on, | 0:39:04 | 0:39:08 | |
I mean, it's nearly a year, at the end of the day, pregnancy is nearly a year. | 0:39:08 | 0:39:11 | |
It's just been a lot of hassle | 0:39:18 | 0:39:21 | |
and I always go by the light at the end of the tunnel. | 0:39:21 | 0:39:24 | |
But the light at the end of tunnel for this for me is to not be pregnant any more. | 0:39:24 | 0:39:28 | |
When things go wrong, | 0:39:28 | 0:39:29 | |
it's you that's left with nothing... | 0:39:29 | 0:39:32 | |
apart from all of the physical pain and the emotional pain and everything else, | 0:39:32 | 0:39:39 | |
and it's...sometimes it can be a hard one to get your head around. | 0:39:39 | 0:39:43 | |
And being heavily pregnant and hormonal doesn't help and I do have a good cry about it sometimes. | 0:39:46 | 0:39:51 | |
I mean, it's sad. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:55 | |
Surrogacy can be quite sad. | 0:39:55 | 0:39:56 | |
And I don't think people really understand that. | 0:39:56 | 0:40:00 | |
Go on, go on. Push hard, you can do it, go on. | 0:40:06 | 0:40:09 | |
-No, I can't! -Yes, you can! | 0:40:09 | 0:40:12 | |
Come on, Lyndsay. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:13 | |
LYNDSAY GROANS | 0:40:13 | 0:40:14 | |
-Please kill me. -No, not going to do that. | 0:40:15 | 0:40:18 | |
LYNDSAY SCREAMS | 0:40:18 | 0:40:20 | |
Get it out! | 0:40:20 | 0:40:21 | |
SHE CONTINUES SCREAMING | 0:40:21 | 0:40:24 | |
Breathe. | 0:40:24 | 0:40:25 | |
-Dev, in here now! -I can see, don't worry, I can see. | 0:40:25 | 0:40:29 | |
Dev, get in here! | 0:40:29 | 0:40:31 | |
Good girl and a little tiny push for me, | 0:40:31 | 0:40:35 | |
a little push, good girl. | 0:40:35 | 0:40:38 | |
Fuckin' yank it out, I don't care. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:40 | |
All right. And a little push. | 0:40:40 | 0:40:41 | |
LYNDSAY SCREAMS LOUDLY | 0:40:41 | 0:40:43 | |
Breathe the gas, breathe the gas, breathe the gas. | 0:40:43 | 0:40:48 | |
-Lyndsay, the head is through. -The head's out, | 0:40:48 | 0:40:51 | |
he's coming, his heads out, his arm, one arm's out. | 0:40:51 | 0:40:55 | |
Get the fuckin' rest of it out! | 0:40:55 | 0:40:57 | |
There we go, there we go... | 0:40:57 | 0:40:59 | |
LYNDSAY SCREAMS | 0:40:59 | 0:41:00 | |
There we go, he's out, he's out. | 0:41:00 | 0:41:03 | |
Here, clock the time of birth somebody. | 0:41:03 | 0:41:05 | |
Oh, there's a boy. | 0:41:05 | 0:41:07 | |
We were waiting to do that. | 0:41:07 | 0:41:10 | |
BABY SQUEALS | 0:41:10 | 0:41:11 | |
We were waiting for that squeal. | 0:41:11 | 0:41:14 | |
Oh, no, what are you doing to me? | 0:41:14 | 0:41:16 | |
It's a first surrogacy birth for the midwives. | 0:41:16 | 0:41:20 | |
And for Joy and Dev, it's the first time everything has gone right. | 0:41:20 | 0:41:24 | |
I just need to know he's OK. | 0:41:24 | 0:41:27 | |
Oh.. | 0:41:27 | 0:41:29 | |
Here you come, little man. | 0:41:29 | 0:41:32 | |
Is that better, is that better? | 0:41:32 | 0:41:35 | |
Is this your mummy? | 0:41:35 | 0:41:37 | |
Do you like the warm skin? | 0:41:37 | 0:41:40 | |
You're gorgeous. | 0:41:40 | 0:41:43 | |
Are you my gorgeous little boy? | 0:41:43 | 0:41:46 | |
I don't know how you can express, you know, | 0:41:46 | 0:41:52 | |
what you feel for somebody who's managed to do this for you | 0:41:52 | 0:41:57 | |
when you can't do it yourself. | 0:41:57 | 0:41:58 | |
There aren't any words to express it. | 0:42:01 | 0:42:03 | |
She's been absolutely fantastic and given me something that I'd have never had. | 0:42:03 | 0:42:09 | |
You all right, Joy? | 0:42:18 | 0:42:19 | |
Yeah. | 0:42:19 | 0:42:20 | |
Or should I say "Mum"? | 0:42:20 | 0:42:21 | |
Congratulations, Joy. | 0:42:21 | 0:42:23 | |
Yeah. | 0:42:23 | 0:42:25 | |
You all right, Mum? | 0:42:25 | 0:42:26 | |
Wow, look at that! | 0:42:26 | 0:42:28 | |
Gorgeous skin, I wonder where we got that from. | 0:42:28 | 0:42:31 | |
That'll be daddy's skin if you've got good skin. | 0:42:31 | 0:42:35 | |
Aw, all right, cutie, how's it going? | 0:42:35 | 0:42:37 | |
Nice and alert. See, this is why I don't use the drugs other than the gas and air, | 0:42:39 | 0:42:43 | |
no matter how much I complain, it's worth it when you see a nice, alert baby. | 0:42:43 | 0:42:47 | |
Thank you. | 0:42:51 | 0:42:52 | |
-Thank you. -You're all right. | 0:42:56 | 0:42:58 | |
-Hey, it's what I do. Apparently. -Yeah. | 0:42:58 | 0:43:01 | |
Hello. | 0:43:05 | 0:43:06 | |
I don't feel, you know, like I should be holding him | 0:43:07 | 0:43:11 | |
or feeding him or anything so that's good. | 0:43:11 | 0:43:13 | |
-Good. -I'm just chuffed with myself it's done now. | 0:43:13 | 0:43:16 | |
Yeah, you're chuffed it's over. | 0:43:16 | 0:43:18 | |
-I'm chuffed it's over. -Yes. | 0:43:18 | 0:43:21 | |
Tell you what, though, you forget that blooming pain, don't you, till it comes and gets you. | 0:43:21 | 0:43:25 | |
Welcome to the world, little man. | 0:43:27 | 0:43:29 | |
Welcome to the world. | 0:43:31 | 0:43:33 | |
I'm going to go into the other room and give you guys some peace in a bit just as soon as I can stand up. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:42 | |
With only days to go before Louise is due to give birth, | 0:43:55 | 0:43:59 | |
Lin has been putting some final touches to her nest. | 0:43:59 | 0:44:02 | |
This was the new addition that we bought yesterday, | 0:44:06 | 0:44:09 | |
because we thought it was going to be a kind of wintery baby so... | 0:44:09 | 0:44:13 | |
it's like a little scarf. | 0:44:13 | 0:44:16 | |
We've got this as a wee comforter. | 0:44:16 | 0:44:19 | |
Hangers. | 0:44:19 | 0:44:21 | |
PLAYS ROCK-A-BYE BABY | 0:44:23 | 0:44:25 | |
The only thing is I don't have the bump. | 0:44:25 | 0:44:28 | |
A lot of people will say that's a good thing. | 0:44:28 | 0:44:32 | |
There's probably loads of people out there that have had babies | 0:44:33 | 0:44:37 | |
but didn't like the whole pregnancy thing and the giving birth and everything. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:42 | |
And I'm sure celebrities do that, | 0:44:43 | 0:44:47 | |
some celebrities have a surrogate | 0:44:47 | 0:44:50 | |
for having families rather than ruining their figure. | 0:44:50 | 0:44:55 | |
That's another... | 0:44:57 | 0:44:58 | |
PLAYS TUNE | 0:44:58 | 0:45:04 | |
How am I going to feel towards the baby once it's actually here? | 0:45:09 | 0:45:13 | |
Am I going to see that little baby as my child? | 0:45:13 | 0:45:18 | |
Or am I going to see it as my special wee gift that I'm giving to my friends to raise? | 0:45:18 | 0:45:25 | |
You know, this is their baby. Or am I going to see this baby as my baby that I'm just giving away? | 0:45:25 | 0:45:29 | |
With the idea in your head, when you're thinking about it | 0:45:32 | 0:45:36 | |
and nothing's happening, that's the killer, see, just waiting, | 0:45:36 | 0:45:40 | |
and being unsure about how you're going to handle something emotionally. | 0:45:40 | 0:45:45 | |
To be quite honest, I think having tried for so many years | 0:45:51 | 0:45:55 | |
and not managed to have a baby, and, you know, always been wanting a baby, | 0:45:55 | 0:46:00 | |
wanting a baby, am I ever going to have a baby? | 0:46:00 | 0:46:04 | |
I don't know, this is an odd feeling that, you know, after waiting for quite such a long time | 0:46:04 | 0:46:10 | |
that it can't actually be real. | 0:46:10 | 0:46:13 | |
I must be being just sort of lent a baby, | 0:46:13 | 0:46:17 | |
lent a baby and go, "There you go, you've had a go at being a mum, | 0:46:17 | 0:46:21 | |
"we'll take him away again now." | 0:46:21 | 0:46:24 | |
But, no, you're all mine, aren't you? | 0:46:24 | 0:46:27 | |
I'm going to keep you forever. Nobody's going to take you away. | 0:46:27 | 0:46:34 | |
CHATTER | 0:46:34 | 0:46:36 | |
Thomas has been living the first four months of his life with Joy and Dev. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:41 | |
But legally, Lyndsay is still his parent until the court awards them full custody. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:46 | |
Because Lyndsay and myself went on the birth certificate, | 0:46:48 | 0:46:53 | |
so we, between us, have the parental responsibility for Tom, | 0:46:53 | 0:46:58 | |
today we'll be taking Lyndsay from the birth certificate | 0:46:58 | 0:47:03 | |
and replacing her with daddy, with Dev. | 0:47:03 | 0:47:08 | |
You'll see the smiles stop in a minute. | 0:47:08 | 0:47:11 | |
The smiles will stop. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:13 | |
You'll be losing a child, Dev's gaining a child | 0:47:13 | 0:47:16 | |
and I'm just keeping the one I've got. | 0:47:16 | 0:47:18 | |
LYNDSAY LAUGHS | 0:47:18 | 0:47:19 | |
I think I've to stand up and as kindly as possible say, | 0:47:19 | 0:47:24 | |
"I do not wish to have this child," | 0:47:24 | 0:47:27 | |
without sounding like a heartless bitch. | 0:47:27 | 0:47:31 | |
Relinquish control to the crazies to the left of me. | 0:47:31 | 0:47:34 | |
You're sneaky, you are. you're very sneaky. | 0:47:36 | 0:47:39 | |
If you need more sprogs, | 0:47:41 | 0:47:43 | |
at least I know what the case is and I'll be like, "I'll think about it." | 0:47:43 | 0:47:47 | |
I've given up about that joke about moving, because yous'll only find me. | 0:47:47 | 0:47:51 | |
Would you like a little sister at some stage, Tom? | 0:47:51 | 0:47:54 | |
It's just Lyndsay's going to get a shock because she'll end up carrying twins next time. | 0:47:54 | 0:47:59 | |
And she'll go, "Oh, no, what did I sign up for this time?" | 0:47:59 | 0:48:02 | |
And you're just so cute, | 0:48:02 | 0:48:04 | |
but the idea of the two of them being in there fills me with a dread that can only be recovered with gin. | 0:48:04 | 0:48:09 | |
It is true, though, when he was about six, eight weeks, | 0:48:15 | 0:48:19 | |
I did look at him and go | 0:48:19 | 0:48:21 | |
"I don't want him to be the only one. I want to do it again." | 0:48:21 | 0:48:24 | |
And I thought, "You're a lunatic." | 0:48:24 | 0:48:26 | |
Well, give me a year, and then...and then call me. | 0:48:26 | 0:48:30 | |
Yes. | 0:48:30 | 0:48:31 | |
So do you think in a year or two when Lyndsay's recovered, | 0:48:31 | 0:48:35 | |
she might give you a little brother or sister? Do you think so? | 0:48:35 | 0:48:39 | |
I do. | 0:48:39 | 0:48:40 | |
So, congratulations. Do yous feel any different? | 0:48:41 | 0:48:44 | |
-No. -Do you feel any different? -No. | 0:48:44 | 0:48:47 | |
Now it's just done. | 0:48:50 | 0:48:51 | |
After a very short labour, Louise gave birth to baby Jack. | 0:48:53 | 0:48:58 | |
She asked that the birth not be filmed. | 0:48:58 | 0:49:01 | |
It's a kinda weird experience. | 0:49:01 | 0:49:04 | |
I just kept trying to pinch myself and think, "Is this really happening, | 0:49:04 | 0:49:10 | |
"this day that I never thought would come?" | 0:49:10 | 0:49:13 | |
And it has. | 0:49:15 | 0:49:16 | |
My special boy, aren't you? | 0:49:18 | 0:49:21 | |
The midwives wanted... | 0:49:21 | 0:49:24 | |
..to put Jack on Louise's tummy as soon as he came out | 0:49:27 | 0:49:31 | |
but Louise wasn't having it. She was like, "Just pass him to Lin." | 0:49:31 | 0:49:35 | |
So he got handed to me straightaway. | 0:49:37 | 0:49:39 | |
And it was just so emotional, wasn't it? | 0:49:43 | 0:49:46 | |
The very first thing I said was, "No, you need to give him to his mum." | 0:49:50 | 0:49:55 | |
And that was...I never even thought about it, that's just what came out. | 0:49:57 | 0:50:01 | |
If I was ever going to feel like he was my child... | 0:50:01 | 0:50:06 | |
..that would have been the moment that I would have crumbled, | 0:50:07 | 0:50:12 | |
I knew in that moment that everything was going to be OK. | 0:50:14 | 0:50:19 | |
The whole milk thing is quite strange, | 0:50:22 | 0:50:27 | |
you're not allowed to express it to release it. | 0:50:27 | 0:50:30 | |
I'm doing not bad. | 0:50:31 | 0:50:34 | |
I've still got a good bit of wobble | 0:50:34 | 0:50:36 | |
But considering I'm only a week post-natal, | 0:50:38 | 0:50:41 | |
I'm not doing too bad. I'm quite happy with the way that everything's turned out. | 0:50:41 | 0:50:46 | |
All right, ready to go to the pub. | 0:50:48 | 0:50:52 | |
My thoughts and views on surrogacy to begin with | 0:50:55 | 0:51:01 | |
were all very jolly | 0:51:01 | 0:51:04 | |
I think my views have definitely changed on that. | 0:51:05 | 0:51:08 | |
It's just not as perfect as I thought it would be. | 0:51:08 | 0:51:13 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:51:21 | 0:51:24 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:51:24 | 0:51:28 |