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THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE
I'm going to be a traditional surrogate,
which means that we're using my eggs.
22-year-old Louise is trying to get pregnant
for a childless couple she hardly knows.
I mean, there's a lot of pressure on me to conceive,
obviously because I'm doing it for someone else.
I don't feel pressured by it,
it's just you want so badly to be able to show them a positive pregnancy test.
You can see it every time they come in,
where I think there's something there that just...
they still don't believe that it's actually going to happen for them.
Louise is one of a small but growing number of young women
who are signing up to be surrogates for infertile couples.
But as they discover, the reality of giving someone a baby is often a world away from what they imagined.
23-year-old Lyndsay is a first-time surrogate.
She's seven months pregnant for a couple she met through an agency.
When the other mums ask me, "Are you having a boy or a girl?"
I very quickly say, "It's a boy."
It's then, "Are you excited?"
"I'm excited. It's not mine, though."
And then they kind of look, "Oh!"
And the first question is, "Surrogate?"
It's very, you know...
..like it's a bad word and it's going to offend me.
I get the, "Oh, my God, that's amazing. You're awesome!"
And I go, "Yes, yes, I am! Thank you."
It's all blown up nice and big now. Is that big like Mummy's tummy?
-What's in Mummy's tummy?
It's a baby! You said it's a baby!
Right, whose baby is it?
I'm not going to be a rocket scientist,
or cure cancer, or do anything amazingly awesome with my brain.
To get to the end of my life and think nothing I've done really stands out would really suck.
You want to have a go?
And Olivia's my baby, but not this one.
What can they put on my headstone, you know?
"She didn't finish school, she had two kids very young.
"Might or might not have got round to getting married, you know.
"Never done anything amazing, but she was a surrogate and she helped a family get started."
So I figured, that's nice. You know, do something nice for someone.
That's very naughty! Come here.
Lyndsay didn't use her own eggs to get pregnant.
Instead, she's carrying another couple's embryo.
I don't want to part with my own child,
and this way that I'm doing it, I don't see it as parting...
well, I'm not parting with my own child, so it's preferable to me.
I couldn't have my kids having a half-brother or sister out there somewhere.
It doesn't sit well with me.
So I always figured if I was going to do it,
it was going to be completely, biologically nothing to do with me.
It was just me being a host...
..just me being an oven.
I didn't know about the injections! I should have read more.
But keeping her body from rejecting a baby that isn't hers requires a cocktail of drugs.
I have to do Gestone injections, 100mg every day,
so the needles are huge! They're absolutely massive!
I think that that is a bit big to be going into the muscle of your leg.
It is just so sore.
Two cones, please.
Right now, I think I've done really well considering, you know,
all these months have passed and I don't count myself as the mum.
Once the baby's actually here, and out,
and he's got a face and a personality and, you know,
he's more than just moving about,
I think the dimensions will change.
I'll either have to think about it a bit harder,
or completely detach myself.
22-year-old Louise lives in Scotland with her ten-month-old son, Sam.
Three months ago,
a friend introduced her to a couple who had been trying to have a baby for 13 years.
Lin and Dave have been through three cycles of IVF,
and were ready to give up when they heard about Louise.
OK, so right now, we have intended father
is making a sample in the bathroom.
This is the bathroom. This is where all the baby-making starts.
It's quite embarrassing, going over to somebody's house
and having to produce a sample.
Nervous, as well, for the first time when we've done it.
This is their first attempt this month,
so it's exciting.
This is the third time we've been trying, so third time lucky, hopefully.
Do you use a special medical kit?
It's an artificial insemination kit.
It comes with pots and syringes.
I think we thought, "Thank goodness the envelope never burst open
"so that the postman never seen what it was!"
This is us.
Hopefully there's a baby in there this month.
I love being pregnant. It was just a really joyous experience for me...
and to be able to go through that...
..and to be able to give a really deserving couple a baby at the same time is just...
..it means a lot to me to be able to do that for them.
Dave had actually phoned me at work, and had told me...
..about this friend of a friend that wanted to be a surrogate.
How would we feel about that?
I think that whole afternoon I just sat and I couldn't concentrate on my work
because I was like, "Does somebody really want to do this for us? Is this for real?" kind of thing.
Very dignified, isn't it?
I think we were mostly worried about the cost...
..how much it would cost.
And then, obviously, the "What ifs she doesn't hand the baby over at the end of it?"
I think that was another worry for us.
I'm very aware that this is their baby.
I wouldn't be going into this if I didn't think that I'd be able to separate myself...
..from being the mother figure to this child.
Finding Louise through a friend means Lin and Dave don't pay an agency to match them up,
and Louise has accepted bare minimum expenses.
I don't agree that people should have to pay a lot of money to get a baby.
I mean, babies are expensive in their own right.
To make them pay for their own kids is extortion,
and I don't agree with it.
Shannon is two weeks off her 21st birthday.
Two weeks too young to be a surrogate in the UK.
"Her crocodile voice made them shiver."
But she's already found her ideal couple through an agency.
The agency will make sure she receives expenses to cover pregnancy costs, but no more,
as it's illegal to profit from surrogacy in the UK.
The photo that they had at the top of the application...
I mean, it was just so informal.
They looked like a happy couple,
and they looked like the type of carefree, energetic people that would be able to cope well with a baby.
They wanted, or they've offered, as much contact as we want,
and they want to be there all the way through pregnancy, which is great.
I mean, it's exactly what you want.
You don't want to feel like you're pregnant with somebody else's child who's not really interested.
Kiera, any toys that you're not playing with, sweetheart, they need to go upstairs.
Shannon's arranged a first date with a couple she's chosen.
If all goes well, it could be the start of a long relationship.
Oh, God, what is that?
They're going to come in, look at the chair, and say, "That's filthy! We're not doing it."
So today is all about whether they think I'm good enough to carry their baby, really.
-Want to lock the door and hide upstairs?
I'm just scared they won't like me.
They'll see the house and they'll be like, "Ew, right, we're going."
Come on, help Mummy.
Come on, we've got to tidy up, keep it clean.
They're both doctors, so I'd imagine they've got this huge house and loads of space,
and they'll walk in here and it's a bit like, "Yeah, it's tiny!"
Oh, God, this makes you impatient in itself, just looking out the window.
Like, "Pull up, pull up! Don't pull up! No, don't!"
I'm not ready. Oh, God!
I feel like pacing.
Ugh, what time is it?
I'm really nervous now.
I just don't want them to come here and speak and stuff,
and think that I'm just an ignorant young woman sort of thing.
It went really well.
I thought they'd be quite...
is "aloof" the right word?
Sort of very distant.
But they weren't. They were really down-to-earth, nice people, and it was really good.
They had a cuppa, and we had a chat, and sort of had a laugh and a joke, and it was really great.
Yeah, and she says she wants to meet up...
Well, that they want to meet up again in a week, so I was like, "Yay!"
Yeah, it was really good.
Louise has been trying to get pregnant with Dave's sperm for three months now.
Every month, she, Lin and Dave get together for a pregnancy test.
We're not getting our hopes up at all.
It's the waiting game that's the hardest thing.
You know, it could work this month.
It could work six months.
But whatever Louise is willing to try. As long as it takes.
I don't think I'm young to be a surrogate.
This is like the prime of my fertile life!
This is it!
It doesn't get any easier than this now.
Afterwards, it will be more difficult for me to be able to be a surrogate.
It will be more difficult for me to conceive as I get older.
If I was ever going to do it, it would be now.
I haven't finished having my children. I'll have more children of my own after this.
Dying to know the result of it.
Nervous. Oh, yeah.
I've put it in here. Two minutes.
Two minutes too long.
Longest two minutes of my life!
I'm excited, but I'm apprehensive at the same time...
..because you don't know how they're going to react.
As long as its happy tears, I don't mind.
If it's, "Oh, my God, what have I done?" tears...
Oh, my God!
13 years waiting.
God, I actually feel like greetin'.
Aye. Oh, definitely.
Definitely not unhappy tears.
There it is!
Lyndsay's difficult pregnancy has forced her to go part-time at work.
So the intended parents have offered her close to the maximum expenses of £10,000.
Wash your teeth!
It's been tough because we've been used to having a certain amount coming in every month,
to make sure we can cover things.
Basics, you know,
gas, leccy, food.
And every month we've been short since I've been pregnant and had to go down to part-time.
Takes away the altruism, as well,
when you've got to actually start taking, you know, expenses and stuff from the couple.
I mean, I'm no better off, but I don't like asking for it at the same time.
It's very uncomfortable.
At 32 weeks, Lyndsay's finally off the anti-rejection drugs.
But her lack of biological link to the baby is making itself known in other ways.
I do have a long-running joke with everyone that it's a teenager already,
and it's going, "You're not my mum! Bleugh!" and making me feel sick.
I told the parents.
I was like, "I hate you! I can't eat cheese any more. I've just been sick again,"
and it turns out the dad doesn't like cheese.
Dev doesn't like cheese at all, doesn't like anything that tastes good!
He has pizza without cheese. What's wrong with you?!
With just six weeks to go before Lyndsay hands the baby over,
the intended parents are filling up their time...
and the nursery.
The other thing...
I know you don't think, necessarily, that we'd need one,
but I was looking at getting one of the sort of room temperature things,
because you're supposed to help keep an eye on whether it's too hot or too cold.
That's completely up to you.
I have had some surprised looks
especially when you're out shopping,
and you're saying, "Oh, well, I need to have it because
"baby's due in two or three weeks,"
and the eyes go down, and then come back up and go, "Pardon?!"
Joy and Dev had been trying for a baby for seven years and exhausted every fertility treatment.
Lyndsay was the first surrogate they contacted.
I think it was the second file I read was Joy and Dev's. That was what I got through.
That was the second one I read out of my batch of four that I had to choose.
And I looked at them, and then it got to the infertility and clinical diagnosis part,
and that's the bit I started getting really emotional.
It's like every attempt that she's tried to get pregnant herself failed, failed, failed.
And that just totally killed me.
We've been disappointed now,
six, seven times,
so we don't think about it.
You do put a lot of emotional safeguards in place,
and you don't let yourself think about things.
You don't let yourself plan because you can't afford to.
Because if it then fails, or you don't get very far, then it hurts two, three times as much.
Shortly after Lyndsay received their file, they had another set-back.
Joy was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.
"Now I need to start chemotherapy.
"After treatment, I will have a 90% chance of survival, though. We caught the cancer early."
The fact that she's had to write that down, just so no-one discounts her,
because I know that's why she wrote it.
It's obvious. No-one's going to want to have a baby for someone that might die.
It was just one thing after another, and I thought, "Someone's got to give these two a break,"
so I gave them a break.
Since getting pregnant four months ago,
Louise has seen very little of Lin and Dave.
My mum's convinced I'm having a girl.
My mum's convinced it's going to be a girl,
because I've just been wanting to eat chocolate all the time, and I'm not really a big chocolate eater.
Do you know, it's funny, I've been telling people this for the past couple of weeks.
I do not feel pregnant.
I just feel under the weather.
I feel ill, like I've got the man flu or something!
I'm just sleeping all the time,
and sweaty and roasting one minute, cold the next.
My feet are sore. My back's sore.
But I don't feel pregnant.
With Sam I loved it. I loved being ill because it meant something.
And this time, I'm just ill.
Just like, "Give me a break!
"Can I please just have one cup of tea without it coming back on me?!"
Today is a rare occasion for Louise, Lin and Dave to get together.
It's Louise's 20-week scan.
Is that part of your insides maybe?
Maybe it is, yeah.
It's maybe a bit of the umbilical cord, actually.
Now, are you looking for a resemblance to your son?
Yeah, I was having a wee look, to see if I could see any.
This is your cousin. "Hi, cousin."
Ah, look at its wee nose.
-Don't remember being this happy since we got married.
-Can you feel the kind of weight shifting about?
That's the baby's head.
That's amazing, it really is.
Well, I mean, I knew that I couldn't be the biological mother,
but just the fact that Dave's the biological father...
..means so much to us that it's half of ours,
although the baby will be ours,
but biologically Dave is going to be the father,
I mean, at the end of the day, we just want this tiny baby so desperately
so this is a way where we'll have a tiny baby.
So, yeah, I'm happy about it.
Let's make a start, OK?
So what we do is get everything prepared first.
All your toiletry stuff you need - clean nappies...
Just four weeks before the baby is due,
Joy has finally finished her cancer treatment,
and she can begin to look forward to the birth.
Yes, that's right, yeah, brilliant.
We lift the baby up, support it through the neck.
That's right, brilliant, excellent, yeah.
I do think about, you know, literally him being passed to me
and, yes, it is about sort of bringing him close to me
and letting him smell me, and sort of feel my skin,
and being able to feel his skin.
I'm very much hoping that because I will be the first person he comes to,
he won't know any different,
he won't realise that it's not the person that's actually been carrying him.
I want to make sure I look professional.
You've done absolutely amazing.
As I said, the baby's do pick up on it,
they like you to be confident.
Yeah, they do, yeah.
I managed to do skin to skin with both of mine for ages,
and I still feel it, you know, with them when I look at them.
It's embedded within me
so I need to avoid that with this one because I can't afford to be, you know,
emotionally connected to it, if I've managed to avoid it all this time...
..I'd like to avoid it with this one because it's not mine, he's not mine.
Hello. Come in.
Time is running out to get the hospital on board with the birth plan.
Both parties are anxious about one detail in particular.
Who gets the first cuddle.
When the baby's born, he must be immediately handed
to Joy or Dev, whoever's physically closest.
-Yeah, I mean it's a question of it being handed straight...
I just think that a midwife will do exactly what a midwife does
on every other occasion and just naturally hand it,
because that's what they do.
I told Carol I'm taking away the option of...
having a water birth so I don't have to be the one handed to the baby.
I said make it clear on my notes, make it clear,
get it down as quickly as possible, clip it and move it.
Just don't let me even, you know, touch him until he's been wrapped up and handed to Mummy.
-Make sure the nurses and midwives are all well...
Well aware, because force of habit could cause one of them to...
Just accidentally throw it on, yeah.
I'll just have to keep shouting, "It's not mine! Hand it over!"
"It's ours, pass him here!"
This is my favourite place.
On a really nice day, it's really, really pretty.
This is where I come to...
..have a wee chat to myself,
sort things through in my head, if I'm confused about anything or upset about anything,
I'll come up and maybe have a cry from time to time.
There's definitely a part of me that feels like I don't have...
..someone else there or have anyone else that's ever been through this before
to speak to, kind of chat about it, it'd be nice.
You know, what comes next?
At what point does the baby start being a baby?
I had my 20-week scan this morning and I still don't feel pregnant.
I can see the baby on the screen and I can feel it kicking
but it's not my baby. I just don't have any attachment to it at all
and I don't suppose that's a bad thing given the circumstances,
but it's still a baby.
I want to know at what point it kicks in and when it does kick in,
what kind of reaction, what kind of knock-on effect does it have?
It's surreal, it's a really surreal experience.
It's the most surreal thing I've ever done.
I've been doing Anne Summers now for five and a half years
and I absolutely love my job because I love sex.
-I do, mate.
-Yeah, it's fantastic, isn't it?
Right, so first of all I would like to say a big,
big happy birthday to Shannon.
Shannon is finally old enough to be a surrogate.
THEY SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But she's discovering the intended parents she chose
are not as ideal as she thought.
I wasn't getting any telephone calls and sort of an email every sort of five or six days.
I was asking how exams were going, what work was like,
what sort of things they were getting up to, what the family think, things like that.
I wasn't getting a reply to it, like they weren't willing to let me in,
they wanted me there to carry the baby and stay out of my life,
and I was getting that vibe, and I didn't want that.
It'd be really disappointing at the end of nine months
to feel, "Oh, my God, I don't want to do that again, ever."
And never, like, hear from them again and just think...
yeah, just to regret it. I don't want to regret it, I want to make...yeah...
I want to make myself feel like, yeah, I've done something good
and I've come out of it actually quite happy and yeah...
I don't know if I'm making sense.
I just want to make friends, maybe that's a better way to say it,
I just want to be friends with people and not used,
I don't want to come out of it sobbing,
because I've just been through pregnancy, haven't got a baby, thinking,
"Actually, they've just used me." And then feel down about that as well.
So yeah, that's about it.
I'd love to actually go through the whole pregnancy experience,
to actually feel the changes because it does form an important
part of the bonding process, so I do miss that.
I do look at Lyndsay and it is kind of like an extension of me,
you know, she's doing it for me, she's having the expansion
and having the feelings and the tests for me and she does the best that she can
to, sort of, pass things on to me
so that I can try and get a sense of the pregnancy.
This is the good part, this is the bit that I can actually really associate with
when I can start to hear his little heart beat going,
and last time we did this, he gave the sensor a good kick.
He was like, "No, I don't want to. Leave me alone, get out of my way."
Oops, am I sitting on your chair?
Oh, is the baby moving?
In the last weeks of her pregnancy,
Lyndsay's spending as much time as she can with Joy and Dev.
What's occurring, baby?
The baby's getting ready to come out.
I feel more pregnant now than I have even with my own two.
I dunno, more because it's the waiting to hand it over,
rather than waiting to bring a baby home,
the only thing I've got to look forward to is to try and get my body back, trying to get exercise in.
I mean, it is hard, it's getting to that point now when I'm like,
You see, you know, like, at the supermarket,
and you see the little new-born babies in their prams and the trolleys,
and everyone's kind of looking and say, "Oh, how young, you know, how cute are they."
And I think, "Gosh, I'm not going to get that part now, that proud moment at the end."
But it's all right. It's weird.
I don't know how I feel about it yet.
28 weeks into her pregnancy,
Louise has finally found an outlet for her concerns.
She has started an online blog about her growing bump.
And her growing feelings towards it.
I do a lot of talking about this pregnancy.
It's good to catch up with other people
that are at the same point in their pregnancies as you.
You do get somewhat attached to the baby...
..in a way, and the baby's moving about a lot, and...
beginning to wonder what the baby's going to look like
and it's very easy to get that kind of bond going,
that kind of attachment.
It becomes confusing in your head.
When my gran was dying, it got a bit confusing for me.
And the idea that this baby...
..could be a girl...
..upset me quite a bit,
I was really quite distraught over it because I thought...
..you know, I could be giving away my gran's only great-granddaughter.
Louise is going for a private scan
so Lin and Dave can get a better look at the baby.
They're hoping the images will make a nice addition to their Christmas cards.
Oh, that's definitely Dave's nose, isn't that?
Well, it's definitely not mine and I'd worry if it was anybody else's.
Oh, God, look at that. That's like, "Peek, hiya."
Oh, that is just so amazing,
that that's inside you like that,
honestly, it's just...
I mean, I look at that baby and I think of it as my baby.
OK, it's not my body,
but even though it's not biologically mine,
it's still, I mean, I've bought the stuff for it
and it's like still exciting.
I mean, I don't feel less... I don't know.
Sometimes I would say it gets frustrating for me
because I'm missing out on the baby kicking
and you know, I will never know what that feels like to experience that,
but it's still my baby.
Oh, yeah, she told me that she's doing Bailey's jelly shots now.
Shannon's broken off all contact with the first intended parents she met.
But a few weeks after her 21st birthday,
she's already in a relationship with a new couple.
I've met a couple, I don't know whether they're THE couple yet, but...
They're sort of really nice, so yeah, maybe.
I don't think I'm going to be doing any of the asking. If they like me, then hopefully they'll say so.
Shannon was initially against using her own eggs,
but this couple are asking her to be a traditional surrogate,
so she's talking it through with her partner, Trevor.
It's going to be half genetically Shannon's, half VIF.
It's just going to be...
different to what we were first thinking, wasn't it, babe?
You do worry, you worry, don't you, that...I mean, I don't want him...
My biggest worry is I don't want him to feel totally repulsed by me
because I'm carrying another guy's sperm
and then another guy's baby in me.
That's the only concern I've got throughout the whole thing, I don't want him to totally go off me.
It will be a very weird thought.
I think when you think about it like that.
When you think about it like that, it's very strange...
But when you think I'm actually just holding their baby.
Yeah, it's like you're just carrying their baby.
I think if I'd actually had sex with the guy,
that would have been weird, the fact that nothing really untoward's happened.
-You've just like, yeah... you can deal with it.
I don't want to sound crude, but do you know that feeling that you get after sex,
that sort of that blissful "oh, my God, there's nothing in the world that could go wrong" feeling?
You sort of, after you've had a baby, you're holding them in your arms
and you look down at them and it's like, "I've got my baby, nothing can go wrong."
And it happens the first time and the second time you hold your baby
and it's like you've got the world in your hands.
To give that feeling to someone else, and to sit there and be able to watch it...
..that's amazing. That's what I'll get out of it, knowing that I did that.
SHE GROANS IN AGONY
At the last minute,
Lindsay, Joy and Dev have decided that a home birth is the best way to make sure
everyone sticks to the birth plan.
And Lyndsay's partner Alan is there to help as well.
LINDSAY SCREAMS IN PAIN
This is the hard part.
LINDSAY CONTINUES SCREAMING
SHE GROANS IN AGONY
Good girl, you are doing so well.
It's OK, it's OK. We're doing really well,
or, in fact, YOU'RE doing really well.
-I'm doing really well. You're just sitting there.
-I know, it was a slip of the tongue.
I wish the baby could just slip out with no problem, that would be brilliant.
When are you going to go up?
When things are tidied away.
LINDSAY SCREAMS IN PAIN
When it's safe to do so.
I don't want to push any more.
You don't have to push just yet, I want you to breathe.
No, I mean, full stop, like no more.
-Oh, you don't want to do it now.
-No, I changed my mind.
There's only one problem - I don't think we can go back now.
With only weeks to go before the baby is due,
Louise's health has taken a dramatic turn for the worse,
and she's stopped sharing her feelings online.
This pregnancy has been hell on earth compared to my pregnancy with my wee boy.
This is designed to help lift the weight of the baby.
Up out of my pelvis so that it isn't as heavy.
pelvis is slightly displaced.
And I struggle to walk because of it.
I struggle to do pretty much anything because of it.
And they've given me crutches to wear.
I'm housebound. My wee boy is 18 months now
and I can't leave the house without having somebody with me because I have to be on crutches
and I can't push his pram.
And I can't get down on the floor to play with him.
Without sounding too whingy about it,
this whole pregnancy's been a bit of a nightmare.
I'm doing all of this and I'm not, I'M not really getting anything out of it.
I mean, it's great, nice warm fuzzy feelings that I'm doing something really nice for somebody else,
but when you begin to see all the things that you've missed out on,
I mean, it's nearly a year, at the end of the day, pregnancy is nearly a year.
It's just been a lot of hassle
and I always go by the light at the end of the tunnel.
But the light at the end of tunnel for this for me is to not be pregnant any more.
When things go wrong,
it's you that's left with nothing...
apart from all of the physical pain and the emotional pain and everything else,
and it's...sometimes it can be a hard one to get your head around.
And being heavily pregnant and hormonal doesn't help and I do have a good cry about it sometimes.
I mean, it's sad.
Surrogacy can be quite sad.
And I don't think people really understand that.
Go on, go on. Push hard, you can do it, go on.
-No, I can't!
-Yes, you can!
Come on, Lyndsay.
-Please kill me.
-No, not going to do that.
Get it out!
SHE CONTINUES SCREAMING
-Dev, in here now!
-I can see, don't worry, I can see.
Dev, get in here!
Good girl and a little tiny push for me,
a little push, good girl.
Fuckin' yank it out, I don't care.
All right. And a little push.
LYNDSAY SCREAMS LOUDLY
Breathe the gas, breathe the gas, breathe the gas.
-Lyndsay, the head is through.
-The head's out,
he's coming, his heads out, his arm, one arm's out.
Get the fuckin' rest of it out!
There we go, there we go...
There we go, he's out, he's out.
Here, clock the time of birth somebody.
Oh, there's a boy.
We were waiting to do that.
We were waiting for that squeal.
Oh, no, what are you doing to me?
It's a first surrogacy birth for the midwives.
And for Joy and Dev, it's the first time everything has gone right.
I just need to know he's OK.
Here you come, little man.
Is that better, is that better?
Is this your mummy?
Do you like the warm skin?
Are you my gorgeous little boy?
I don't know how you can express, you know,
what you feel for somebody who's managed to do this for you
when you can't do it yourself.
There aren't any words to express it.
She's been absolutely fantastic and given me something that I'd have never had.
You all right, Joy?
Or should I say "Mum"?
You all right, Mum?
Wow, look at that!
Gorgeous skin, I wonder where we got that from.
That'll be daddy's skin if you've got good skin.
Aw, all right, cutie, how's it going?
Nice and alert. See, this is why I don't use the drugs other than the gas and air,
no matter how much I complain, it's worth it when you see a nice, alert baby.
-You're all right.
-Hey, it's what I do. Apparently.
I don't feel, you know, like I should be holding him
or feeding him or anything so that's good.
-I'm just chuffed with myself it's done now.
Yeah, you're chuffed it's over.
-I'm chuffed it's over.
Tell you what, though, you forget that blooming pain, don't you, till it comes and gets you.
Welcome to the world, little man.
Welcome to the world.
I'm going to go into the other room and give you guys some peace in a bit just as soon as I can stand up.
With only days to go before Louise is due to give birth,
Lin has been putting some final touches to her nest.
This was the new addition that we bought yesterday,
because we thought it was going to be a kind of wintery baby so...
it's like a little scarf.
We've got this as a wee comforter.
PLAYS ROCK-A-BYE BABY
The only thing is I don't have the bump.
A lot of people will say that's a good thing.
There's probably loads of people out there that have had babies
but didn't like the whole pregnancy thing and the giving birth and everything.
And I'm sure celebrities do that,
some celebrities have a surrogate
for having families rather than ruining their figure.
How am I going to feel towards the baby once it's actually here?
Am I going to see that little baby as my child?
Or am I going to see it as my special wee gift that I'm giving to my friends to raise?
You know, this is their baby. Or am I going to see this baby as my baby that I'm just giving away?
With the idea in your head, when you're thinking about it
and nothing's happening, that's the killer, see, just waiting,
and being unsure about how you're going to handle something emotionally.
To be quite honest, I think having tried for so many years
and not managed to have a baby, and, you know, always been wanting a baby,
wanting a baby, am I ever going to have a baby?
I don't know, this is an odd feeling that, you know, after waiting for quite such a long time
that it can't actually be real.
I must be being just sort of lent a baby,
lent a baby and go, "There you go, you've had a go at being a mum,
"we'll take him away again now."
But, no, you're all mine, aren't you?
I'm going to keep you forever. Nobody's going to take you away.
Thomas has been living the first four months of his life with Joy and Dev.
But legally, Lyndsay is still his parent until the court awards them full custody.
Because Lyndsay and myself went on the birth certificate,
so we, between us, have the parental responsibility for Tom,
today we'll be taking Lyndsay from the birth certificate
and replacing her with daddy, with Dev.
You'll see the smiles stop in a minute.
The smiles will stop.
You'll be losing a child, Dev's gaining a child
and I'm just keeping the one I've got.
I think I've to stand up and as kindly as possible say,
"I do not wish to have this child,"
without sounding like a heartless bitch.
Relinquish control to the crazies to the left of me.
You're sneaky, you are. you're very sneaky.
If you need more sprogs,
at least I know what the case is and I'll be like, "I'll think about it."
I've given up about that joke about moving, because yous'll only find me.
Would you like a little sister at some stage, Tom?
It's just Lyndsay's going to get a shock because she'll end up carrying twins next time.
And she'll go, "Oh, no, what did I sign up for this time?"
And you're just so cute,
but the idea of the two of them being in there fills me with a dread that can only be recovered with gin.
It is true, though, when he was about six, eight weeks,
I did look at him and go
"I don't want him to be the only one. I want to do it again."
And I thought, "You're a lunatic."
Well, give me a year, and then...and then call me.
So do you think in a year or two when Lyndsay's recovered,
she might give you a little brother or sister? Do you think so?
So, congratulations. Do yous feel any different?
-Do you feel any different?
Now it's just done.
After a very short labour, Louise gave birth to baby Jack.
She asked that the birth not be filmed.
It's a kinda weird experience.
I just kept trying to pinch myself and think, "Is this really happening,
"this day that I never thought would come?"
And it has.
My special boy, aren't you?
The midwives wanted...
..to put Jack on Louise's tummy as soon as he came out
but Louise wasn't having it. She was like, "Just pass him to Lin."
So he got handed to me straightaway.
And it was just so emotional, wasn't it?
The very first thing I said was, "No, you need to give him to his mum."
And that was...I never even thought about it, that's just what came out.
If I was ever going to feel like he was my child...
..that would have been the moment that I would have crumbled,
I knew in that moment that everything was going to be OK.
The whole milk thing is quite strange,
you're not allowed to express it to release it.
I'm doing not bad.
I've still got a good bit of wobble
But considering I'm only a week post-natal,
I'm not doing too bad. I'm quite happy with the way that everything's turned out.
All right, ready to go to the pub.
My thoughts and views on surrogacy to begin with
were all very jolly
I think my views have definitely changed on that.
It's just not as perfect as I thought it would be.
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