Care Home Kids: Looking for Love

Most people know me as the guy from X Factor

who was put in this boy band called The Risk and who eventually quit.

But I have a past. I have a story.

And I'm more than just the guy from X Factor.

I was put into care at the age of two

and I stayed in care until I was an adult.

'I was never adopted.

'I spent my childhood moving from children's homes to foster families.

'There are thousands of kids just like me.'

I've had 35 addresses, but they're broken down into foster placements,

children's homes, supported lodging placements, B&Bs...

Do you know what any of the other guys are doing now?

Unfortunately, two died.

'I want to meet kids who are growing up now, just like I did,

'with no permanent home.'

Most people end up in jail, or they end up pregnant.

Would you rather pay the pain of regret,

where you spend a whole lifetime just hating your life

and hating the fact that you didn't do anything with your life?

It's dangerous.

'And for the first time, I'm going to revisit my own time in care and confront my painful past.'

I guess this place evokes a lot of ghosts and memories for me.

Hey, how's it going, Mum?

I think in my head, I know that I was in a bad situation.

Mmm.

I was put into care at the age of two.

And I stayed in care until I was an adult.

'I was never put up for adoption, in case my mum came back for me.

'But she never did.'

I lived in a foster home, then I moved to a children's home.

Then to another foster home, then to another foster home.

Four moves, four upheavals, four totally different worlds.

'But despite this disruption, I did well at school and went on to study at Cambridge.'

'Success stories for care kids are rare. I'm one of the lucky ones.

'But even MY childhood was full of pain and disruption.'

'One of my earliest memories is of being taken from my first foster mum, Cissy.

'I was only four.'

'I've always thought it was because of my own bad behaviour, but I've never known for sure.

'So I'm going back to find out the real reason I was moved.'

BELL RINGS

-Ashley!

-Cissy! How's it going?

I loved Cissy, my first foster mum,

but I was a bit of a handful for her, I think.

More than she'd probably like to admit.

'I remember one day being dragged home and grabbing onto her car

'and I pull off the windshield, cos Cissy's trying to drag me, and the police get involved.

'I was very inconvenient to an old lady.'

Do you remember the day I left? You were cooking macaroni and cheese.

Mmm-hmm.

I remember it, and then I was watching CBeebies, you know,

the children's programmes.

And, erm...

Yeah, it was such a normal day.

-And then they came in the car, through the back garden.

-Yeah.

And you was like, "Ashley, you have to go now. Time to go now."

-But you didn't want to leave this house.

-No, I didn't want to leave.

And you asked me, "Where am I going, Cissy?"

And I said, "I'm getting old now, Ashley, so they have to put you with somebody younger."

-And you believed me.

-Yeah.

-That's the only reason why you'd go, otherwise, you wouldn't go.

-Yeah.

-Social Service decide that he's too close to me.

-They say you're too close to me.

-It's a bit of a stupid reason.

-No, it's not stupid.

-Don't you think so?

No. You see, you was young. Your mother wasn't there, just me.

-Yeah.

-You feel that I'm the mother figure, the grandmother figure.

So they basically thought,

"He's becoming too close to this family, so..."

No, no, no, no. No, that's not what they mean.

-They mean that you should meet other people.

-Yeah.

-Outside, as well.

Instead of just keep seeing me all the time.

-So you mix with other boys, you talk with your friends, you know, other people.

-Yes.

-So you was a much better person.

-Do you think so?

-Yes.

-Mmm.

-You're still the same nice person, but you know more people.

You know, you don't feel that you...

-I don't know.

-You don't feel like you've got to just cling to one person.

When I think about the average four-year-old,

like, they want to be with who they perceive as their mum or their dad, you know.

They stick close to their parents. They're often quite attached.

-Surely that's natural and not something to be discouraged?

-It is natural, it is natural.

But when the person's not your parents, I think you should mix with other people.

That when you move out...

I think, you know, things could have been done better.

I felt at home.

'Having grown very attached to Cissy,

'Social Services took me out of the foster home where I'd settled, and moved me to a children's home.'

Can you every get over that?

I remember that day so vividly.

'Over a quarter of kids in care will spend time in a children's home.

'I was moved to Roseberry Street children's home for five years.'

'It housed up to seven kids with backgrounds of abuse, poverty and neglect.'

'It's now a derelict site.'

The house was here and this garden was from here backwards,

all around there. This was the garden, the house, the garage.

I guess, erm, you know, this place kind of evokes a lot of ghosts and memories for me.

'Aged eight, I was already in my second foster placement.

'It's a familiar story.

'Most foster kids spend their childhoods moving around.'

'At 16, the system can start to treat you as an adult. But this doesn't mean the moving stops.'

'Sarah's been in care since she was 14.

'At 17, it was decided she was old enough to strike out alone.

'Since then, she's been in three different hostels.'

Did you ever find the freedom you had was a bit scary and daunting,

-when you moved into your hostel?

-Yes and no.

-Yes and no?

-At first, I loved it.

-Yeah.

-And then after, I thought, "Wow."

Like, it's a bit weird, you know, my foster mum said, "Ring me," make sure I was all right.

And when I didn't have that no more, it was like, "Wow, like, no-one actually cares!"

Wow.

Do you know what I mean?

From all the people that I'm meeting and even from my own experience,

you know, many care leavers, when they get to 18,

it's like Social Services just turf them out, you know.

They push them into the big wide world to fend by themselves.

You're always on the edge. You're always expecting for something to happen.

It was expected for a relationship to break down - boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends.

You're always expecting something. Hostel...

You're always expecting something and you're always living on the edge.

What you're telling me just reminds me of the devastating fact that so many people in care end up homeless.

And can you understand why that happens?

Yeah. I do. Because you don't have the emotional support.

If you're being moved around all the time and you haven't got no-one to turn to,

-then you're going to basically give up.

-Wow.

Or, like... I don't know, most people, they end up either in jail,

or they end up pregnant or... involved in some sort of something

and they don't even know how they got there in the first place.

'Often children don't know why they're being moved,

'or where they're going.

'And with no-one to talk to, foster care can be a lonely place to be.'

'I'm visiting a support group called Voice,

'which gives people who have been in care a chance to talk about what they've been through.'

I've been in care since I was six months old. I've had 35 addresses.

Erm...

but they're broken down into foster placements, children's homes -

I was in two children's homes - supported lodgings placements, B&Bs.

Some of them places were really good, but then some of them were pretty bad.

One lot of foster carers, they used to send me and my brother away for Christmas,

because they said that was family time.

So we didn't get really involved in any of their family activities.

Never really felt like part of the family.

When I was moving to houses, I remember moving, like, three times from when I was like 11 till 13.

And I was thinking, "Who are these people?"

Like, I wouldn't come downstairs to eat. For like two weeks, I would not eat.

-I'm not surprised.

-I would stay up in my room. Like, I wouldn't even go to school.

I was like, "No."

Cos I would have to come downstairs and basically introduce myself to people I don't know.

How many of you have felt that, you know, in order to live in a home

and be successful and to stay there for a long time, it's dependent on how you behave?

I've had, like, three placements that I've been so that if I wasn't, like, well behaved,

or if I did this, or if I had an argument or something, I would have to move straightaway.

But, like, when I first went there, the rules were "behave".

My life wasn't really stable until I was 14 and moved in with, you know, who I consider Mum and Dad now.

Like, you know, a decent set of foster carers, that they did put the effort in

and did stick with me through all of my, like, bad behaviour.

But until then, people just weren't resilient enough.

They were like, "This kid's a little git. We'll just move him on."

Know what I mean? "There's thousands of other kids in care, we'll just get another one."

With all the kids I've met, they have one thing in common

there's no stability.

Scott has lived in 35 addresses, which is crazy.

He's my age and he's moved so much, you know, during his time in care.

It's such a crazy existence when you're moving about so much

and I think stability,

it needs to be implemented better for young people

because without stability,

you're pretty much destroyed from a young age.

It's clear to me that kids in care are still being moved around

all the time and I want to know why.

I'm meeting an expert

from the Fostering Network to find out where things are going wrong.

On this journey, I'm realising that so many kids

get moved about so much. I got moved four times.

Because there's a shortage of foster carers,

when a child or young person comes into care,

it may mean that there's a family 60 miles away,

which may mean they have to move schools,

they may have to be split up from their brothers and sisters

and have to live a long way from their family.

Or what can happen is that a child will move from home to home

until a suitable family is found.

How can these moves affect young people?

Well, if a young person is moved from family to family,

they can feel abandoned.

It affects their ability to form relationships.

They may fall... End up in the kind of same relationship,

the same pattern that they've been going through.

So a lot of children that have been through the care system,

their own children end up in care.

Do you think there's a crisis in the fostering system?

Yeah, I certainly do.

The foster care system is bursting at the seams.

We have huge numbers of children coming into foster care.

Children are coming into foster care earlier.

Local authorities are being more risk averse.

This year alone, we need an additional 9,000 foster families

to look after those children and to replace the ones that are leaving.

If you speak to social workers,

a lot will tell you that a lot of children come into care

on a Friday night, six, seven o'clock in the evening.

And so I've heard stories,

and as far as I understand, it happens quite frequently,

social workers just going through their list of foster carers,

phoning them up and saying,

"Have you got a bed for the night to look after this young person?"

There is a lot of stigma attached to being in foster care

and actually, although you hear a lot of celebrities

talking about being adopted, you hear very few celebrities,

well-known people, talking about growing up in the care system.

There are problems,

there are difficulties, but it's not something to be ashamed of.

My last foster placement was one of my happiest.

Freesia and Irvin made me feel welcome

and part of their family.

I'm grateful they took me in,

but I've never asked them what it's like

to be a foster parent.

Those are bits and pieces.

What was I like when I first came?

He was quiet and, um...

Yeah, he was polite.

He wanted to make a really good impression, and you did, actually.

It took him about a week to settle in and then...

THEY LAUGH

For the first week, he was neat, he was tidy.

He'd washed up his cups and plates.

I remember cos the foster carer before,

I mean, I nearly got kicked out at one point

cos I didn't wash my cups up.

I mean, sometimes your... your position as a foster child

is that, you know, fragile that if you do something wrong,

you're kicked out because the foster carer can't handle it.

So I certainly... But I felt comfortable here so quickly.

I realised that I didn't have to...

-You didn't have to perform.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Yeah. Then I missed performing so I'll dish up today.

THEY LAUGH

-You go on. You take yours.

-You already had one of these ones?

Foster caring, from our point of view,

I believe it should be a job, yeah? And it should be viewed as a job

because the emphasis is all about the children,

which rightly so, but it also needs

to have some emphasis about the carers

and I think that if they have more emphasis on the carers,

also, you'll get, you encourage more people.

-There is a shortage of carers. Why is there a shortage of carers?

-Yeah.

Why doesn't people want to open their homes

and allow a child to come in?

Why do you think that is?

I just think that, um...

I just think it should be deemed as a job.

See, I've always thought

that foster parenting shouldn't be a job,

but I see what you're saying.

If the foster parent is doing a good job,

I won't see you as doing a job, and I think often,

foster carers can have a quite blase, indifferent attitude towards it

and so they don't handle the responsibility as well as they could.

They don't take the training as seriously.

So that's good food for thought.

Mm. It's something to think about

because if you look at it from our point of view, um...

we still have to live, we still have to have a roof over your head,

we've still got bills to pay.

And I don't really like to bring it down to money

cos it's more than money.

It's a vocation and if you're called to be a foster carer

you do it wholeheartedly, yeah? Because you want to do it.

It's not something you can just go into it

because you think it's a good idea cos you won't last the course.

I've asked loads of people, "Would you do fostering?"

They've said, "No." And these are nice people,

but they've said, "No, I couldn't." I said, "Why's that?"

They said, "I couldn't just open my home to a stranger."

Well, you know. So it is a calling. It's definitely...

It's not for everybody.

It's not something you go, "Oh, I'm just going to do it."

Not only that, actually, before...

OK, it's a calling, but apart from just a calling,

when you actually go for the training, it's very, very difficult.

It is very, very intrusive. On our course,

-we probably had... 20 people.

-Mm.

-And how many got through? Five?

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Wow.

I've never, ever thought of fostering in terms of being a job,

but it does make some sense

because these guys, they're trained for the role.

They can't treat me, you know, fully like their biological children

cos there are, you know, rules and guidelines

which they have to abide by.

And so they are consciously trying to uphold a certain role

and so I can understand that, for them, it's a job.

But when they are doing it as a job, if they're doing a good job,

I'm not aware that it's a job. I see them as family.

My time with Freesia and Irvin took me through

a crucial stage at school. While I was with them, I did well

in important exams and ended up going to uni.

But when you're a child struggling with upheavals,

I know that school can be the last place you want to be.

-Hello. How're you doing?

-Hi. I'm Kay.

-My name's Ashley.

-Hold the door. Hello. Good to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

15-year-old Shannon has been in a children's home for nine months.

In spite of the home's best efforts,

she is refusing to go to school and I wanted to see if I could help.

How long haven't you gone to school for?

About...six months.

I was in a children's home.

Most of the guys I lived with didn't go to school,

but I was always pushed to go to school...

and I went to uni.

I've got a really good degree and, you know, it gives me options now.

Yeah.

But there are people who I lived with who didn't go to school

and they have no options and their, you know,

their alternative is 50 quid a week Jobseekers Allowance

and a flat and...it's just,

it's a horrible existence.

Like, when people don't go school,

or they don't care about their education,

I mean, that's a dangerous place to be in...

especially as a foster child,

or someone who lives in a children's home.

It's dangerous.

If you don't go school, it's only going to affect you.

Or would you rather pay the pain of regret

where you spend the whole lifetime just hating your life

and hating the fact that you didn't do anything with your life?

-Doing something about it.

-Exactly.

I think my past has a lot to play for what I do at the moment.

I always go back to what had happened

instead of saying, "That has happened."

But I don't do that.

As foster children... we have this thing

that nobody cares about us, right?

We often think that and I know that I did at times,

but...you can care about yourself, even if no-one else does.

Please don't waste your time.

Sorry to sound like really...

Please, man.

I think what you've just said there has got more power

than what we've been saying to her for the last six months.

I think you might've just got through to her.

No-one's really spoken to me like... that sort of way before.

So...

Children in care are ten times more likely to get excluded from school.

And my early reports show I was heading in that direction.

"Recently Ashley was one of a group of boys who were involved

"in what can only be described as an act of vandalism.

"The estimate for their damage is £135."

I remember very clearly that I got kicked out of my primary school.

I got expelled for, basically, accidentally kicking my head teacher in the nose.

The head teacher's holding me and I release my foot

and I kick him in the nose and give him a nosebleed.

So, um, I was just, I was just...

When I was young, extremely angry, rebellious, looking for attention

and I'm just glad that that didn't, you know,

carry on into my teen, my late teenage years.

You know, this behaviour is the making of a criminal.

This behaviour is the making of someone who doesn't get a good education.

This behaviour is the making of someone who...you know,

could end up in prison, to be frank.

Plenty of the kids I've grown up with eventually turn to crime, drugs

and ended up in prison.

Over a quarter of people currently in prison

were in care as a child.

'I'm meeting 22-year-old Jerome, who grew up with his brother in care...'

This is where the magic happens.

'..but his brother is now in prison.'

Well, this is my brother's album,

but we've both got pictures together, kind of thing.

But I just... This is like a little storyboard. So when I was four,

-and that's my mum there.

-Is that your mum?

-That's my brother and my sister.

-That is so similar to my mum.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

Jerome's mum had various difficulties and struggled

to look after the kids, so they were taken into care.

He's taken me to see the childhood home

where he lived with his mum and brother.

I don't really like to be around here because it's not the best memories.

Can you actually point the building that you lived in?

It's this one here. If we go through here...

This doesn't look too much different

from when I was a little kid, you know.

Obviously, I had mad memories here, you know.

So it's like, I don't know.

A lot of it's to do with pain, kind of thing.

So you don't really want to remember it, but you kind of use it.

Now I just use it.

Round the corner, my friend used to live.

He was in care as well, but he killed himself.

So this, I ain't really got too much good memories around,

but for him, it's like emotionally, you could've given him everything,

but if you didn't deal with what was deep inside him,

you lost him already. So... I think he just couldn't hack it really.

What do you remember of leaving this house?

I remember being at nursery

and then me and my brother, they're telling us,

"Your mum's ill. You can't go back home."

And we was just like, "Huh?!"

-Next you know, in care watching Tom and Jerry on the sofa.

-That's mental.

And it's weird cos like, when you're four,

you think you wouldn't remember it, but you remember that day.

Like, I remember it clearly.

After eight years in one foster home,

Jerome and his brother were eventually split up.

Whilst Jerome stayed in a stable home,

his brother was shunted around the system.

He went missing at 14,

was placed in a secure unit

and is now in jail.

The more you move them, the more you scar them because it's like,

you're just letting me know I'm a kid in care

and more people don't care about me.

It was easier to let him run riot and do what he's doing

than to actually say, "We're going to help this kid

"and help him get out of the situation he's in now, or whatever he's going through."

Rather than... Cos it's more work. It takes more, it costs more money.

so it's like to me, the care system is about, you know, caring.

But when you ask the kids,

"OK, what do you want?"

They simple things like,

"I want my foster carer to give me a hug,"

or, "I want my carer to call me when I've had an exam,"

or, "My social worker to call me when I've finished playing football,"

or, "I've done this show. Come to my show."

They're the simple things and none of that costs money.

It's all about just being there for someone,

and this is where we're losing track, I guess.

Have you ever blamed yourself?

If I could take back time, I'd say I would've moved on

with him so that we're together.

Then no matter what, then we go through it together.

I was looking at his pictures.

I was looking at the cherished childhood memories,

how happy they seemed. That's great,

but that's just been...

That gets torn up when you separate that, when you kill that.

I'm glad that I didn't have to go through separation.

I really hope that obviously when he comes out he's just...

more on this kind of, "I want to do better for myself."

He's very smart. Very smart guy.

I think sometimes, the way he handles certain situations,

he needs to be smarter.

-Take care, man.

-All good, man.

-Pleasure.

-All the best.

-Yeah, man, keep it up, mate.

'It's clear to me that being moved around the care system

'can cause lasting damage.'

The truth is, many foster kids are not OK.

Many foster kids my age and older

are still battling with the demons of when they were five years old.

If you're a foster kid who has had to kind of accept that,

for whatever reason, your parents don't want to look after you,

that's rejection. Looking back at my life,

there were certainly times where I acted from that feeling.

I can see the subconscious patterns in my thinking,

when I was younger, when I look back.

And I clearly operated out of rejection

and wanting attention and wanting approval and wanting love.

'I've just found out that, after just a few weeks,

'Sarah has to change hostels again.

'Tonight, she's moving her things across town to a new place in Soho.'

-Don't you have bags for all of this?

-No, listen...

-You've a blue bag.

They made me move in bin bags.

SHE SIGHS My days!

-Is there any more stuff upstairs?

-Yes.

-Are you used to things ending badly like this?

-Yeah.

Well, my life, I'll be honest with you, this is as good as my life gets.

-Placement and displacement...

-I beg to differ there, beg to differ.

-But I hope...

-Come on.

-..fingers crossed, this is the last one.

-You're like...

-Fingers crossed.

As much as you can be moved, you're at college,

doing your advertising, you can go to uni, get a student loan,

you can get a good career in graphics, build some good...

It's not, I mean...

-It's not the end of the world, yeah.

-It's very limiting to say this is the best it'll get for you.

No, when I say it's the best it'll get for me, I mean I'm sick and tired of moving.

-Yeah, of course.

-Like, I'm sick and tired of moving.

I would hate to be moving out in this area.

Obviously, it's tough

and there's a lot of things that I probably can't relate to,

-so I'm not going to pretend to know the struggle the way you do.

-Yeah.

But don't let the emotion and the difficulties cloud your judgement.

You've got to be strategic. Step one, you've gotta fix up your home.

You've gotta make sure you're on top of your college work. You'll be OK.

-Let's get some food.

-All right. HE LAUGHS

'It was nice having the support, like someone that doesn't know me

'to, like, carry my bags for me. It was nice of him.'

It makes you feel like I'm not alone and he come out the other end,

and he's been through the care experience,

so I'm hoping to come out the other end.

SHE LAUGHS One day!

She just had to move into this home today.

She's 18, she's a young girl, you know, in the middle of London.

Um, I hope she's safe and makes the right choices.

Someone who helped me make the right choices when I was younger

was my key worker, a man called Lyndon,

who refused to give up on me.

'Over the years, I have lost all contact with Lyndon,

'but I've managed to track him down.'

DOORBELL RINGS

-Lyndon!

-Hey!

-How's it going, man? Nice to see you.

-You too!

-Good.

'Lyndon has worked in care for 22 years and is now a social worker.'

-I'm fine, thank you, I'm fine.

-It's so good to see you.

-Yeah! Come in, man, come in.

-Sure.

-Come in.

-It's my first time being in your house.

-Yes, I know, I know.

From your experience, do you find that

the kids who have been to school are more likely to have a better future?

-Yes.

-Really?

-Yes, yes.

Because those who have gone to school

are going to school because they want to,

-and they value education. They have a goal, you know?

-Yeah, yeah.

So yes, they will succeed.

Do you know what any of the other guys are doing now?

Unfortunately, two died, um...

-And one...

-How did they die?

-One was stabbed in North London...

-Mm-hm.

..and, um, the other one,

he died because they were going to deport him.

-They were going to deport him, so he died?

-Mm-hm.

Well, he took his own life, which was really sad.

You know, very sad.

And then, there was the, er...another youngster

who's doing, um, life in prison now.

Um, shooting somebody, you know.

And, um, like yourself, he was... he was very bright as well.

I liked that boy quite a lot, you know,

and I couldn't see him being, um...being a gangster.

Um, I guess the key thing I need to tell you is that, you know,

your role in my life was so invaluable and I'm totally grateful for...

Like you probably don't realise how much you've helped me.

You've been amazing, Lyndon, amazing.

And just to get out of bed, go to school, that's why I'm here now,

that's why I managed to, you know, go to uni,

because you gave me that foundation of school and education and, um...

-Yeah, you were fantastic.

-Cheers.

You have, um, triumphed in the face of adversity, I must say that.

You have indeed. And it's amazing.

I feel honoured, actually, I feel honoured. Come on, give us a hug.

-I feel honoured.

-Thank you.

-To think of me so...so much.

-Definitely.

-I'm glad I played a pivotal part in your life.

-Keep on doing the good work, you know.

-I will, I will, thank you.

-Thanks.

-OK, mate, yes, yes. So good seeing you.

'Fostering is normally a temporary arrangement,

'a short-term solution that can stop or change at any time.

'I'm visiting a foster family attempting to make their situation more stable and permanent.

'13-year-old Vicky has lived with Pat and Jason for the last four years,

'and they're hoping it can last much longer.

'Vicky was taken into care due to neglect,

'the most common reason for kids to be taken from their parents.'

What was it like getting new parents?

-You feel really lucky after a while, because...

-Yeah.

..if I was still at home, there could've been some problems that couldn't have been solved.

-Yeah.

-And now, all of my worries get solved really quickly.

-That's amazing.

-And there's nothing I worry about.

-Aw, that's so good.

-Yeah.

-That's so good.

I'm so happy for you, Vicky, seriously.

-I only worry about first days of school and like...

-Normal things.

Yeah, normal things. I don't think...

-I'm the same as every other child.

-Yeah.

-I'm just, obviously, not with my real mum and dad.

-Yeah.

-That's fine with me.

Could you imagine life without them?

Not now, no.

But they've brought me up really like...

When I first came, I just didn't want to communicate with them

and I just didn't want to be there, because I was too scared,

if I was to do something wrong, I'm gone, but they said that, um,

I'm obviously doing the right thing

-and I'm being brave sort of thing.

-That's so cool.

-It's good, yeah.

'Vicky's lucky to have been placed with such devoted foster parents.'

People say about doing it just for the money, but you couldn't,

because, um, you couldn't have someone 24/7 for four years

and not get on with them and not want them to live with you

for all the money in the world, cos it would drive you up...

So you do actually open your heart up and, you know,

-you doors are open all the time and...

-Yeah.

..you just really get into it, like they are your own child, really.

'When I look at Pat and I look at Jason,'

this is what I've wanted, you know.

I've just wanted a family.

I just wanted, you know, a home to call my own.

'As foster kids can be moved any time, Pat and Jason have applied

'to become Vicky's permanent foster parents.

'An arrangement that means she could stay with them well into adulthood.

'It's a decision that can only be made by her local authority

'and, in two weeks time, they'll meet to decide Vicky's future.'

I would really love to live here until I'm an adult,

because it would make, like, me happy,

because now I've got used to them, they're like there for me.

I don't need anyone else any more.

'Vicky has a real chance of long-term happiness.

'But having a say in who you live with is rare in care.

'Not all my foster placements were happy ones.

'At one point, I was placed with a family

'where I didn't always feel wanted.

'And I know that, when a child feels rejected,

'that's when the problems start.'

Being back in this neighbourhood reminds me of a time

where I wasn't, you know, fully myself, fully happy.

I guess walking under a shadow of rejection, walking under this,

you know, shadow of alienation and not feeling accepted.

I certainly experienced that a lot here

and I know many foster children can relate to that.

I remember I had three friends from the area

who I actually began to do shoplifting with one summer and, um,

I can certainly see how bad foster homes lead to bad behaviour

and it can also lead you into the justice system.

'Aged 13, I found the one thing that probably kept me from crime

'and offered me some stability.'

I went to go shopping on a Friday evening

and I saw a guy getting a piggyback with his dad

and, um, that just, like, it really hurt me,

like, seeing that and knowing that I didn't have that.

'I went home and I prayed, you know, to Jesus that he would be my dad

'and, because I saw so many examples of failed foster lives,

'I prayed that he would raise me in a way whereby I wouldn't be

'that foster kid who went to prison and didn't have a good education.

'And I think that's why I'm where I am, because...

'God has been my father, you know.'

Obviously, some people think, "This guy's nuts!"

But I'm totally rational, but I just believe that people need hope.

I believe that people need belief

and it's more than statistics and bureaucratic help,

it's more than money that's going to improve the lives of foster kids.

It's people that believe in them

and really feel that they have a purpose and a potential.

'Many foster kids live under this shadow that they're a mistake

'and, when they feel like they're the mistake,

'they feel like they don't have purpose.

'They feel like they can't function like normal people.'

You know, I don't believe that.

I don't live with those shadows no more, so I thank God for that.

It's now two weeks since Sarah had to move hostels

and I've been worried that yet another upheaval

may have hit her confidence in herself and her education.

-Hey, how's it going?

-Hi.

-So this is your new room?

-Yeah.

This is the hostel. This is nice.

This is nice. So you've got all your posters up?

How's it going in the new hostel?

-Um, overall, everything's all right.

-Yeah.

-Like...

But I'm still going to complain about the size of it.

-What's wrong with the size?

-It's really small.

-Is it really small?

-Yeah. I feel like I'm in a box.

-Do you?

-So does it feel like home?

-No.

-I just come here to sleep, really.

-Yeah.

Like I'm always out and about doing stuff.

You know, a few weeks ago, you was in college

and, you know, you was doing really well.

Now you've moved into the hostel, are you still studying?

-Yeah, I still go to college.

-Yeah.

-Like my attendance has even improved.

-It's improved?

-Yeah.

-Wow.

I know that moving into, um, a hostel can be quite traumatic

and it can disrupt everything. How has it affected your life?

It hasn't really affected me this time,

-cos like, I was more prepared.

-Hmm.

Like I'm not saying I thought, "Oh, yeah, everything's cool."

No, it was hard, like, settling in, but I had help from my friend.

One thing that I'll say to people, like you can't change your past,

but you can change your future. And, you know, at the end of the day,

what happened has happened and you just try and move on from it.

I don't want to be in the system no more.

I don't want to be in, like, the care system.

I don't want to be in no benefit system.

I don't want to be in, like, no system.

-I just want to, like, do me.

-And how will you do you?

Obviously, if I have a good education, then I can obviously get a good job.

-Yeah.

-And, obviously, with a good job comes money.

-Yeah.

-So I won't be in the system any longer.

Sarah, I just want to wish you the best of luck

and thank you so much for allowing me to come into your life

and to intrude, you know.

It's such a pleasure and I've learned so much from you

and, you know, I'm sure you're going to be OK.

For the first time since I met Sarah,

she sounds positive about her future,

like she's finally in control of her life.

Something I realised from a young age is that

you're responsible for your future and for your happiness.

And whilst you have a lack in relationships and, you know,

the perfect sort of environment,

you can pull your socks up, you can move forward, you can say, you know,

"I'm going to make tomorrow better."

'Two weeks after first meeting Vicky,

'I'm here to see her again on a day that's crucial to her future.

'Today she'll find out whether she's going to be allowed to spend

'the rest of her childhood with her foster parents Pat and Jason.'

Hi, this is Vicky and Pat and Jason, everybody, and Ashley.

Come on in, Vicky. If you want to sit there by the bottle, OK?

We'll put Pat on one side, Jason on the other.

Ashley, if you wouldn't mind sitting there.

OK? Thank you. And welcome to panel.

The reason we're here, I think you know.

We are being asked to make a recommendation to the council about

whether you can stay, for the rest of your growing-up, with Pat and Jason.

Do you want to stay?

-Yes.

-Yes? Absolutely.

-Yes.

-Till you're 18?

-Yes.

-23? 27?

-Don't think we're getting rid of her till she's about 40!

LAUGHTER

At this point, do you feel like part of the family? You do.

-So you want to be with them till you've grown up?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

We're going to ask Pat and Jason some questions now, OK?

So are you going to go and wait outside?

Christine will come with you and Ashley as well, all right?

-OK.

-See you in a little while.

-See you in a little while.

-You're only in the room next door.

-Yes. Thank you.

Why does this matter?

Because then I'll feel more like their child, sort of thing.

Cos I don't like the name foster child, sort of thing.

-It annoys me.

-Hmm.

-When people find out, it's like "foster child".

-Yeah.

I don't like that.

I'd rather be called their child, sort of thing.

-I know I'm not theirs but...sort of.

-Well, I guess you will be.

When I came down to visit you,

um...it was really clear that you were a part of the family.

So I guess this...this will clearly just confirm, hopefully,

what's already true.

It'll be an injustice

if Vicky wasn't able to live with this family, you know?

I really hope they make the right decision.

I really hope they make the right decision.

-I've got butterflies now.

-You've got butterflies?

-Yeah.

-How about you guys?

-Um...a little bit. A little bit nervous.

-Really?

-Hiya!

-Hiya.

-Hi.

Sorry you had to wait a little while

but panel had a bit of chatting to do

because we just wanted to be sure

that we were thinking everything through properly.

And we were wanting to make sure that this recommendation

is a recommendation that will last until you are grown up.

So you can't move around any more - that you're stuck with them.

-Um-hm? And...what do you want us to have said?

-Yes.

Well, you'll be glad to know that actually the panel have recommended.

-Woo!

-Yay!

ASHLEY APPLAUDS

So you can stay. You can give her a hug, you know!

Yeah!

-Well done.

-Good girl.

-That's it!

You can stay with Pat and Jason

and you can stay with them until it's time to move on as an adult.

OK? Well done.

It was much easier today because we knew what you wanted. Yeah?

It's much, much easier. Yes?

-Vicky, how are you feeling?

-Really happy.

I'm so excited for your future.

I'm genuinely proud and I believe in you guys

and I look forward to the future. You guys are going to be great.

Huddle! Well done, guys.

Right. Well, Ashley, it's been lovely meeting you.

-It's been such a pleasure.

-We're off now to celebrate.

-Oh, guys, I'm so happy. So happy.

-See you again soon.

-Yes, congrats.

'Nothing is more satisfying than seeing what just happened there.'

It makes me excited about the future of fostering and it can work.

It can be successful, you know?

It can make a positive difference.

'The system has worked for Vicky

'and this will hopefully be the end of her journey through care.

'But not everyone escapes the care system so easily.

'And often history repeats itself.'

Many kids who grow up in care, who have children,

see their kids end up in care.

And it makes me think, why is that so?

It's clear that the system is not effective

in creating a new standard of living

and...making people more mobile

and allowing them to kind of move away from their past.

It seems they go full circle

and the kids they have end up in the same predicament as them.

'17-year-old Leanne was in care when her own baby was born.

'She needs all the support she can get

'to make sure that vicious cycle doesn't continue.

'So she and daughter Ruby have been put in a mother-and-baby unit

'to try and keep them together and give them the best start in life.'

She's smiling at me.

-Hello!

-Hi!

Do you want to feed her?

'Leanne's own mother regularly visits

'and after three years living apart, they're now rebuilding

'the relationship that broke down when Leanne became a teenager.'

Hello, my beautiful! Hey?

-Hey?!

-What was the climax when you want into care?

-Was it a fight or...?

-No, it was me.

I just lost...lost it in a meeting with social services

-and I just said, "Take over. I can't have her home any more."

-Yes.

I didn't know where she was

and this was weekend after weekend after weekend.

You know, she was bunking off school, um...you know.

I just went to the end of my tether and I said,

"No, please take over now. I'm not having her home. End of."

That's a pretty brave decision.

It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life.

Now, in hindsight, it was the best thing I did for her.

It's actually helped me. Made me a better person, you know.

I think being away from my mum done me good cos we get along better

when we're not living under the same roof.

And that's when I started feeling, you know, foster care is not bad

and, to be honest, I looked at them like my mum and dad.

They had another kid living there, like, their own kid.

And the way I saw them with their daughter,

because she had a baby and all,

I just thought, you know, "Why can't me and my mum be like that?

"Why has stuff got to ruin it for us?"

We were good friends. It died. But we're getting it back.

Just believe and trust.

Hmm?

I want her to have a lot better.

I've sort of erased that part of my life now.

I'm looking at the future and that's her there, you know?

-She's my little angel and I wouldn't change her for the world.

-Yes.

I'm not going to wish she wasn't here

but I wish I'd waited and got a job behind me

and had my own place and not been a benefit mum.

-I've got a perfect little daughter.

-She's beautiful.

You know, she's been the making of me

and I'm never, ever going to let her witness

anything that I've been through.

-Yeah...

-Yeah, I'm not. I know.

She wants to have her say now.

'Leanne and her mum clearly love this child.'

I think she's got two mothers.

Um...and that just gives me confidence

to know that Ruby's going to be OK.

Sorry, boobs.

Your daughter's changed your life.

And literally who you are.

There's a lot to be proud of.

'Seeing Leanne with her mum has made me wonder about my own mum.

'She didn't receive the support she needed.

'If she had, maybe things would have been different.

'I've discovered that, like Leanne, she had me when she was just 17

'and had previously spent her childhood in care.'

Do you know what? I never blamed my mum.

And I say that genuinely, and I always had an understanding

that she didn't have it easy.

Cissy, my foster mum, my first foster mum,

always explained to me that you need to love your mum.

You need to honour your mum.

You know, as a foster child, you have to be able to forgive,

and I kind of had that mentality

that there's no point, like, hating her.

Over the years, we've been trying to rebuild our relationship.

It's Mother's Day, and also my biological mum's birthday.

I'm travelling to Manchester where she's finally settled

and started a new family.

Ruby, how's it going? Are you all right?

What has he got?

Ashley, I'm going skating!

-How's it going, Mum?

-Are you all right?

How's it going, Mike?

-Happy birthday.

-Thank you.

-How are you, Rosie?

-I'm going skating!

-Yeah.

-Let's go in.

-Come on, let's go in and get a brew.

-It's freezing.

'I finally feel ready to ask some difficult questions.'

-Why did you go into care? If you want to talk about it?

-Yeah.

We were quite neglected. Probably from about the age of four

I'd been on an "at risk" register with social services,

so I don't really understand

why we hadn't been taken into care before then.

We just used to wander the streets, not really fed properly.

How we did eventually get taken into care,

my mum was mixing with these two girls

that were known as local prostitutes

and one night they were all in our flat, the two girls and my mum.

My mum every night used to get ready to go to the pub.

She was putting on her make-up and they were all drinking vodka,

so they thought it would be funny to see if I drunk the vodka...

-How old were you?

-I was about seven.

I didn't want to drink the vodka, so what they started doing was...

My mum was just laughing at it,

because I think she must have been drunk, but they were slapping my hand

and going, "You've got to drink it."

My mum just went out and left me with these girls

and the girls then began to get worried

cos obviously I was in quite a bad state

and rather than take some action,

they just left me on the pavement outside these flats.

The neglect my mum suffered from her parents,

years of being shunted around the care system

and then in a violent relationship meant that when I was a baby,

she was totally unprepared and unable to look after me.

The saddest truth is that when you grow up in care,

you're twice as likely to have your own children taken into care.

There's the guilt, isn't there?

I was this rubbish failed mum. I didn't protect you,

so not only did I have the past to beat myself up about,

it's just another thing

and I suppose I felt I wasn't good enough to be your mum.

There's those sorts of feelings attached to it.

The day you were born, to be honest,

I knew I was in a really rubbish situation and I prayed to God

that you wouldn't get taken into care because I think...

SHE STARTS TO SOB I think, in my head,

I knew that I was in a bad situation...

That...

-Sorry.

-It's cool. It's cool.

But I always remember that.

I mean, when I look back now I just think, like, that wasn't even me.

It's mad to think that I went through all that,

so it's nice that people can understand

and understand why I was a messed-up person,

but I'm also proud of myself today,

to work and come through that, and...

-I'm proud, too.

-Thank you, baby.

-Really proud.

You've really earned your stripes, do you know what I'm saying?

To be where you are today. And that is commendable, man.

-You deserve a...

-I'm going to cry again.

No, but seriously, like, you're not just a...

You're not just...

-I think you're extraordinary.

-Oh, Ash.

Don't.

-I always do it.

-But you are.

You are. It's the truth.

'It's been tough, obviously.

'You're reminded of the journey.'

I'm obviously reminded of my journey,

but also my mum's journey

and just seeing how much of a remarkable woman my mum is

because most people who go through half of what my mum goes through

end up mentally ill in some recovery institution,

dead, in prison, and my mum's gone through so much

and she's here and she's doing really well.

You know, my mum not having a good parent

meant that it took her so much longer to learn the essential skills

for good living and for good parenthood.

Oh, my days. Oh!

-They are cute, aren't they?

-Oh, my days!

That's my favourite photo.

I always wonder what you were thinking.

-You were so cute, really.

-Wow, look at this charmer.

'Thankfully, my mum has broken the cycle of care

'with my two little sisters.

'I'm confident I have learnt from her hardships

'and those of many other people in care

'and when I have children, I'll be the best dad I can be.'

# If you walk my way

# I ain't sitting down Cos I know it's my time

# I know it's my time

# Oh, oh-oh

# If you're living your life

# Doing all you can to stand up It's time

# You know it's your time... #

It's obvious that when you go into care,

you've already had a bad start.

The biggest problem for me was moving about so much.

I wish that I had what Vicky had.

I wish that I could have been in a home

that I could have called my family from, you know, two to 18.

# ..If you walk my way

# I ain't sitting down Cos I know it's my time

# I know it's my time

# Oh, oh-oh... #

'There is a real lack of carers and foster families

'and we need more to come forward.'

# ..You know it's your time... #

Knowing that whether you're seven or 17, the people that you live with,

they're always going to be there for you.

That's what's important.

In the care system, the main thing should be love.

# ..If you love life If you like life

# Turn your head up to the sky You'll be all right

# If you walk my way

# I ain't sitting down Cos I know it's my time

# I know it's my time

# Oh, oh-oh

# If you're living your life

# Doing all you can to stand up It's time

# You know it's you time. #