The Dark Matter of Love

Children who are raised in an orphanage,

they're left on their own.

When they're really upset,

they don't have somebody they know they can go to for help,

'which the science of the last 60 years has taught us is really

'crucial for a child's development.

'When I'm upset and I need somebody to hold me, it doesn't happen.

'And the world can be very scary, and what I do is

'I develop a protective wall around myself and I just depend on myself.'

Cami.

'Having a relationship with one or a few very specific people is

'absolutely crucial to a child's developing brain.

'And if the child

'doesn't have that partner,

'then those neural networks don't get laid down.'

WOMAN IN TRANSLATION:

MASHA:

Obviously, we cannot use real human mothers and human babies

but we think we have the best possible substitute.

This tells us something about the importance of love

in the development of a child's personality.

Let's see whether or not these orphans of ours, who have had

no affection at all, can learn to love.

'Scientists have been investigating parent-child

'love for about 60 years now.

'About 12 years ago,'

some colleagues of mine and myself developed

an intervention programme that's based on that research.

Hi, there! Whoa. Hey. Hi there!

Hi, Nicole, right? And Bob? A pleasure. Come on in.

We have a very excited dog.

This is Cami. I'm Bob. Cami? Bob? I'm Cami.

Why don't we start by you telling us a little bit of your histories?

We used to work at Disney, at Walt Disney World in Orlando Florida.

We always had the vision of having four children

and, for whatever reason...

We did have some miscarriages, and that

was a dream of ours,

to really get four children and be able to grow

a family like this,

so this is truly a dream come true, without a doubt.

ROBERT: 'I don't see it as my role to tell a family what to do.

'When I found out that they were going to adopt three Russian

'orphans at the same time, my job at that point wasn't to go to them

'and say, "No, no, don't do it.

'It's my job and it's Nicole's job to help them'

understand some of the special things that we've

discovered about kids who have been neglected and then adopted

You're going to bring three kids home at once.

I mean, one is a big enough deal.

Mm-hm. Three is really something.

It would be a good idea if we talked a little bit

about what it would mean on a weekly basis, or whatever.

If you and Nicole do this work

she'd be the one who would actually be face to face working with you...

OK. ..and she and I would be consulting.

OK.

NICOLE: 'One of the things that could happen once

'the children are here, it would

'appear that Cami will be very accommodating and really welcoming.'

She knows how important

this is to her parents.

She hears the story of

ten years of trying,

11 years of wanting to bring

another child into the world,

and I think she's very connected to that.

Up until maybe the beginning of the year, I just thought,

"You know, it's really not going to happen."

But then we got the news and just been so overjoyed that

I'm going to be sharing a bond with two little boys and a sister.

ROBERT: 'One of the things that we are kind of alerted to

'is that both of the Diaz parents -

'in fact, all three of them -

'have a very idealised view of what's going to happen.'

The question is, if their hopes don't turn out to be the reality,

are they going to crash?

Once we saw Maria's picture,

once we knew that Maria was going to be part of this equation,

we were destined at that point and then we just needed to find those

other two that would be a younger sibling set

to round out the picture.

WOMAN IN TRANSLATION:

I felt this is it, this is my family, this is perfect.

Couldn't get anything more perfect.

ROBERT: Some of the early scientists had some pretty crazy

ideas about how parent-child relationships should work.

'Refrain from hugging, kissing and comforting baby wherever possible.

'Too much affection will make him neurotic, needy, dependant.'

The recommendations that were being made by many developmental

psychologists are so similar to the experience of

a child in an orphanage.

WOMAN CALLS TO MASHA IN HER OWN LANGUAGE

'In the box, there are 12 goslings,

'six raised by me

'and six hatched by the mother goose.

'When the box is raised,

'the goose calls

'and all 12 start towards her.

'I call, and my six goslings follow me.'

'This is three weeks later.

'The same thing happens.

'In the first 24 hours

'of a gosling's life,

'it is possible to imprint

'a mother substitute.

'After the expiration of this critical period,

'imprinting can no longer occur '

This is Marcel. CLAUDIO: Marcel

Wave, hi! Say hi!

Vadim? Say hi. CHERYL: Hi!

It just felt like here it is again, fatherhood,

and...just got to tell you,

it was just a very magical moment.

Hi.

CHERYL: 'This has been a dream for at least ten years

'and it never feel like it could actually ever be a reality.'

But now it does and it feels great.

Can we get some hugs? OK.

Yeah, we're a huggy family.

We're a big hugging family. Love our hugs.

CAMI: 'At the end of the first day,

'I was kind of worried that it wasn't going to work.'

It's kind of like, "Whoa, wait wait. This is all so new.

"Can we just slow down a little bit?"

ROBERT: There's a real possibility for Masha

that her early relationship with Lluba

may provide her with some underlying patterns of being

within a relationship that could really help her as she goes

through this process of becoming a member of this new family.

Do you like Mickey? You know who Mickey Mouse is?

I don't think so.

TRANSLATOR ASKS ABOUT MICKEY

Oh, really? Yeah, we love Mickey.

I know she knows Mickey Mouse.

Mickey was my boss for 17 years

Can you explain that?

WOMAN TRANSLATES

So I'm Goofy. Do you know who Goofy is?

WOMAN TRANSLATES

"Gosh, everybody. Ah-hyuck!"

That's Goofy, that's who I am.

And then Cheryl is Tinkerbell.

You know who Tinkerbell is? The fairy?

Pixie. Yeah.

So that's how we live our life like a Disney family.

WOMAN TRANSLATES

Bye-bye.

God bless you.

Thank you very, very much.

We will take care of her, I promise you. OK?

CLAUDIO: Masha? Are you OK?

Masha? Are you OK? Yeah?

Is this fun?

BOY YELLS

CAMI: Marcel threw a tantrum

and screamed his lungs out. And this little old lady

turned around and she was, like, "You need to be quiet."

I agreed with her, but I was, at the same time, like,

"You can just turn around and live through it like the rest of us are,

"cos he's my brother and I'm the only one who can insult him "

Masha stole some juice from the airport

and that's not a good thing.

CLAUDIO: 'You just don't know if you're communicating.

'You don't know if they're requesting a sandwich or to go to

'the toilet or they need a drink of water.'

All my faculties, from mental,

emotional, spiritual, were tested.

'I think Claudio was ready to give up.'

He said, "Why did we get these kids? It's all your fault.

"You wanted these kids."

I said, "No, I thought WE wanted these kids."

'The reality of how difficult

'this is going to be hit Cami really hard.

'She feels this potentially was more'

than we can handle, and I can't deny I went through it myself,

wondering if it was really smart of us

to do so many, especially with these two rambunctious twins.

Hold on, OK?

There it is.

That's home.

HONKS HORN

Hey! Woo-hoo! Yay, we're home!

Yay!

HONKS HORN

OK, OK, that's enough.

CLAUDIO LAUGHS

Come here. Through this one.

Already up on the top floor.

PIANO PLAYS

THEY LAUGH

Duc-duc-duc-duc.

This is Momma and Poppa.

Yeah! Whatever that meant.

CAMI: When I got home, I really wanted to go "home",

but now I feel like I can't be myself

and it's really restricting and it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel like home.

Mmm!

Watching you like a...

And who did not wash their feet

That's what I want to know.

..whoever has the next one.

Listen... We're eating at the table.

ROBERT: We start this process by filming the family

interacting with one another.

"Where's Papa?"

That's interesting how Masha..

She's really connecting with Dad.

Yeah, mm-hm.

All right, follow Masha's lead

CAMI: That's right, good job.

Always the best.

NICOLE: "Good job, always the best."

She's talking about Masha.

She's saying it to herself but, I mean, she's even saying it out loud.

Right. Cami's already saying Masha has...

usurped my position.

The instability now,

it's just disconnected all the stable relationships

and they're all going to

'need to be reassembled and realigned. Yeah '

OK, look at me.

Masha, come on, show me your teeth.

Oh, you looked real pretty on that one.

Good night, Masha.

Good night. Good night.

That's OK? OK. OK.

ROBERT: 'As families, we all develop patterns of interaction, patterns of

'relationship and that really offers us

'a lot of stability and comfort

'Then you adopt somebody and the family's job, of course

'is to help this child move into

'the set of patterns that we expect that

'a normally developing child has.

'In other words, the family's job is to teach the child,

'in a sense, to dance this new dance.

'Cos the interaction between a parent

'and a child is like the dance that you might see on a ballroom floor.

'It's just that intricate, it's that practised,

'it's that reciprocal, and a lot of a young child's

'brain development happens in the context of that dance.'

So here you have these parents

the Diazs, doing this beautiful job of wanting to come in

and be close to the child...

Mash, Mash.

'..and basically, the message that these parents send is

'"I want to take down your protective wall.

'"I want you to dance with me.

'And the child is like, "Whoa, that's scary."

'One of the things that will really indicate that this has

'worked would be that Masha will be able'

to come to her parents

and say, "I'm really having trouble with this.

"This is making me feel horrible."

'If Masha is not able

'to make the shift,

'what all the research in this area would suggest

'is that she's going to have real difficulties in relationships,

'especially close relationships '

So, how are you? It's a really big question.

I don't know if it's the physical demanding part,

that now I am being tapped physically beyond the point that I expected.

It's just constant. It's just non-stop.

I'm doing OK.

I just have my times that this is my way of releasing,

so usually I just do it someplace else.

Is there a reason why sometimes you do it somewhere else?

I just don't want them to see that.

And who don't you want to show that to?

The kids.

And how about Claudio?

I don't. I don't show it.

And what is that like for you to hear her say that?

Um...a bit of a surprise,

although I will tell you I have felt like there have been times when

I've been carrying a little bit more of a load but it's because the boys

are physically demanding but I don't want you to feel like you can't. .

..give me some of your pain.

I want you to give me some of your pain.

So, what if you asked him right now, this is what I need from you?

What I need from you is understanding...

that this is actually us, not my fault.

It feels...

He's said it's my fault and...

I thought that this was... a team thing.

So, I just need him to say that we're into this together

and maybe...let me know that he still loves me.

What do you need from him right now?

I could use that.

There are two patterns of behaviour that were first identified

in children who were raised in orphanages.

'One where when the child is upset,

'they inhibit any emotional expression at all.

'The other form is when kids get distressed, they get very distressed

'and throw these temper tantrums that seem very contrived

'and just sort of escalate out of control.'

HE CRIES

You hit me. You hit me. You hit Papa.

'There's a natural human tendency for parents to feel that the child'

'is doing it'

because of some negative motivation,

that they just want attention

'or they're trying to hurt me

'but both of those patterns need to be seen as'

a natural by-product of being raised in an orphanage

'Masha, when she's distressed she doesn't show it

'and she works very hard not even to feel it,

'whereas the boys tend to be more in the other direction

'of spiralling out of control.

He took it off and threw it on the ground and started pounding.

I'm sorry.

Right, I'll take it over. I'll take over from here. I'll do that.

You go ahead and...

He's got four more minutes left OK. All right.

OK. No movement. No movement.

Stay. Four minutes. Four minutes.

DOOR BELL RINGS

Stay in. Let's go.

HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

Open up.

ROBERT: 'From the late 1800s until the 1960s,

'developmental psychologists really focused on structure and rules.

'When a child is born,

'make him understand that you are the one to be obeyed.

'The absence of discipline in early life

'are the natural foundations of all failure.'

'I'm not saying rules are unimportant. Rules are important.'

'But if you focus just on the rules,'

where's the emotional connection?

Where's the attachment? Where's the empathy?

OK, pick that up. Come here. Pick that up.

No, no, no, not Marcel. OK. I've got Cami's necklace over here.

Go on. Let's sit down. Pick that up.

OK? No, that's not going to happen. That's not going to work.

OK. Before you throw it again..

Take it. No. Momma made it. That's not going to work, OK?

No. We'll keep doing this.

OK, go. Downstairs.

Yeah.

CAMI: 'I think my dad's disciplinary actions are a little bit strict

'compared to my mom's. My mom, I think, kind of, lets things go,

and my dad's just like, "Oh, you shouldn't do that.

"You shouldn't do anything, except play with your toys and sleep.

OK.

I know.

Nyet, nyet, nyet. No, no, no.

No, OK. It's too cheap.

No kicking.

No.

How about your dad? See if you can come up

with five adjectives or words or phrases

that you think do a good job of describing

your relationship with your dad

Unfortunately, the first one is disciplinarian

Distant.

Um...teacher/student.

Wise...

and...unaccessible.

Later on, in my teenage years,

I asked my dad to say, "I love you" to me,

saying, "Dad, you got to love me. I mean, you're my dad, right?

"So what is your hesitancy in saying it?"

How do you think that your childhood experiences with your parents

has affected how you parent your kids?

Oh, the apple didn't fall too far from the tree...at all

'We had our first encounter with the parameters being tested, with Masha.

'When we first arrived, I told her

'that, at the top of the hill, the stop sign would be

'the farthest place she could go.

'So, yesterday, I'm looking all around for her

and she had gone beyond the stop sign.

Masha! Masha!

Inside, inside.

Inside, Masha.

I will take it. I will...

I will take it.

Follow me inside.

No, you know better.

ROBERT: 'A key part of the intervention

'is to identify what kinds of patterns

'seem to be emerging between the kids and the parents.

'We videotape the parent and child interacting

'in a clinic or laboratory setting.

'And we know that there are certain things that we can look for

'that will help us figure out where we're going to focus our attention.'

So you want to play? Play Jenga

'Then, we sit down with the parent and we review the videotape.'

'You want to play cards? Do you Mm-hm.'

OK, what kind of cards? I don't know many card games.

So, you're playing Jenga and she picks up the cards, like,

"Are we going to do what YOU want or are we going to do what I want?!"

And so, you're still at the Jenga, and then...

Here, I'll play that again.

'Want to play cards? Mm-hm. Do you? OK, what kind of...'

So, see her face? Yep.

As soon as you acknowledged that maybe she would want to go there,

versus where you wanted to go.. OK.

..she smiled and put the cards back. Mm.

That was a small little moment when you could have controlled that. .

Yeah, sure. ..and just this gentle... It was easy, right?

It wasn't hard to watch, it was just this easy flow

and then she just, kind of, set them down. Mm.

GUITAR STRUMS

Try it from the start.

Masha... Play. Play.

Play.

PIANO KEYS TINKLING

HE PLAYS TUNE

Here. You go.

Oh, you can go...

HE PLAYS TUNE

SHE PLAYS SAME TUNE

HE ACCOMPANIES HER

SHE GIGGLES

BOTH PLAY TOGETHER

TUNE FALLS AWAY DISCORDANTLY

SHE PLAYS PIANO SKILFULLY

My turn?

HE PLAYS PIANO

THEY TAKE TURNS PLAYING

Yippee-ai-ay.

There they are...at the door.

Cami!

How are you? Did you have fun?

Oh, yeah, it was a good day.

Up! Up! OK.

Round and round we go. Papa, no, please!

Hi, little boy. How are you, hmm? How are you?

Rumour has it you've been quite the handful today, huh?

Big hug. Oh, I love that. Oh, you are the best hugger of the group.

Rumour has it that you have also been a little handful, huh?

OK, time to go to bed. Let's go

NICOLE: 'Right now, they're a little closer to Claudio

'and so, they love their papa and there's that feeling of rejection.'

You moved two?

ROBERT: 'I would think that Masha would find it easier

'to relate to somebody

'who was more focused on competencies.

'I think she may be more puzzled by somebody who has a stronger focus

'on the emotional side.

'I wouldn't be surprised if she were fully on...

'more focused on Dad.'

But that doesn't mean that her relationship with Dad

in the long run, is the more important one.

OK.

'What was that little exchange do you think?'

CHERYL: 'She was just probably mocking me.'

'Normally,'

what connotation, when somebody says, "You're mocking me."?

Um...anxiety. Like, why are...you doing this?

Like, they're making fun of me. . OK. ...kind of thing.

What else is she doing here?

HAPPY PLAY SOUNDS

She's having fun with the game Is she having fun with the game

I think. Or maybe me, just playing with me.

So, say that again.

That she's having fun with me, as a person.

And what does that feel like,

as you see this face and it's you, it's nobody else, right? Yeah.

That she enjoys my company, that she's... That there is

a connection there, that even if I didn't see that connection

there's more of a connection than what I thought there was there,

at the time.

ROBERT: 'We used to think

'what the baby really needed was being fed

'and that it didn't matter who did it

'or how many different people did it, as long as the baby got fed

'What Harlow showed was the basis

'of the relationship between the baby'

and parent is this thing that he called "contact comfort".

DR HARLOW: Let me show you a monkey raised on a nursing wire mother

Here are 106's two mothers.

As you can see, it was weaned on a wire mother

Watch.

He's going to the wire mother.

Got to feed to live!

Back on the cloth mother and he'll stay on the cloth mother.

Actually this baby

spends 17 to 18 hours a day on the cloth mother,

less than one hour a day on the wire mother.

Is it not possible that this is formed

from a need to cling and cuddle

A need for contact comfort.

If it comes to a choice between wire and cloth,

it's reasonable to expect that any child

will go to the cloth,

it's a matter of creature comfort, but is this really love?

Well, wouldn't you say that if you frightened a baby

that it went running to its mother,

was comforted

and then all the fear disappeared,

and was replaced by a complete sense of security,

that baby loved its mother?

Sure.

All right.

The first thing the monkey sees when he enters

is this fear stimulus.

Just touching the cloth mother holding on to her,

gives him the confidence

to examine the very thing

that previously terrified him so completely.

Here, I'll start this.

Are you happy? yes, you are. Yes, you are. Good girl.

MOTOR REVS

BOY YELLS

What? HE CRIES

Machine? Machine? You want machine?

OK, it's making noise.

"Waaah!"

Is that why you're running in?

Do you want machine?

OK, let's go.

Come on.

Makes a lot of noise.

ENGINE REVS

BOY YELLS

ENGINE REVS

BOY CRIES

Somebody must have been tragic

with a landscaper or something

OK, that hold?

Here goes!

ENGINE REVS

ENGINE REVS AND SWITCHES ON

Look at this. This used to be so big on you.

You're getting tall.

One day you'll be taller than Momma, just like Masha and Cami

BOY CRIES

Love you. Have a great day.

I would say she's one of my best friends.

We have some of the same interests.

She likes singing and I like singing.

And she's funny.

I'm not very funny but I like funny people.

Mason. James.

Sammy. Ashley.

'She doesn't get upset, or at least she doesn't show it '

When you try to talk to her about it, she just...

is like, "Stop talking, stop talking, it didn't happen.

"I don't want everybody to know what happened."

'I don't think she comes home every day and tells her mom

'all the bad things that happen during our day,

'cos she is a more positive person.'

She doesn't want to let her sorrows out on everybody else. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 SHE HUMS 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 ROBERT: 'Humans are wired through evolution to show emotions 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'and when Masha stuffs her feelings 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'she plays a physiological price for it.' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Her body plays a price. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Then the question is, can she have a relationship with somebody 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'where the dance between them re-programmes or rewires her brain.' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Do you want me in? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 What? Show me. What? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 How do you do it? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Show me how you do it the Russian way. The Russian way? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'My research into neuroplasticity in owls suggests that adult owls 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'can rewire their brains much later than we originally thought. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'We attached prisms which adjusted 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'the angle of the owl's vision by 23 degrees. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Younger owls' brains adjusted to facilitate hunting. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Adult brains did not. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'However, later experiments revealed that adult brains could adjust 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'if given time. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'There has been a lot of brain research with non-human animals 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 that helped guide our research with humans. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Humans seem to have a lot more adaptability across the lifespan 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'than many other species. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'There's lots of room for optimism out there but, at the same time 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'there's so much research to do 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'to figure out how much change can take place.' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 THEY HUM SCALES 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 So, during the concert, you have to stay in your area, OK? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You can't go out this way. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It needs to be up or just here with some jazz hands, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 as we like to call them, the jazz hands, right? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK? So SINGS 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Whoo! 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Yeah! 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # I do not like green eggs and ham. # 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK, good job. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I'm very impressed with the quality of her voice and we said, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 '"If you would like to be considered for one of these solos, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 '"just write your name down."' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 She auditioned for a few. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 When the news so bad, when you sour and blue, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 when you start to get mad, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 when you start...to get mad, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 you should do what I do. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 So do you know what it means to be sour and blue? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah. What does it mean to you? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Sad. Very sad. Yeah, that's good. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Do you know what the word "sour" means? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Mm-hm. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I think it's a taste, right? But it's a bad taste. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Mm-hm. And blue is a sad colour 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When the news is so bad 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When you're sour and blue 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When you start to get mad 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # You should do what I do. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Tell... Tell yourself 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # How lucky you are... # 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I would like even more of the sadness. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You're doing a great job with the happiness 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 but the...anger and the sour and blue feelings 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 how would you express those? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 How would you go about trying to do that? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You know? You don't have the slightest clue? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I think it is difficult for her to connect with her emotions. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I felt like we'd started to' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 but it was like, you take a quick peek and then put it back. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Imagine someone that you'd like to sing this to. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It may be... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 somebody out there that you focus on or it may be 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 somebody that's not there, but you're imaging them to be there. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It's my mom. It's your mom? Yeah. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah? And this is going to be, like, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 the grand unveiling of your singing and... Yeah. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 ..it's going to be a wonderful moment for them and for you. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Go! Go, go, go! That's it! 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 CHILDREN: Run! Run! 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 WHISTLE BLOWS 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Everyone! You know what was the best thing about this today? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I did not hear the baton drop. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It's the worst sound in track and field. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Listen to this. BATON CLATTERS 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah, that is a bad sound and we did not hear it today 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 so give yourselves a hand. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 We studied 136 orphans. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Half remained in institutional care 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and half were adopted into high-quality foster care. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 After two years, the children who were adopted into families 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 had improved their IQ by an average of 10 points. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 There was no improvement in the IQ 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 of the children who remained at the orphanage. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 ROBERT: 'As Marcel and Vadim continue to live with this family, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I think there'll be a lot of changes in their pattern of learning 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'and patterns of competency.' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It's called "Q Is For Duck". 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Why would Q be for duck? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Sh. Why do you think, Lauren? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Quiz for a duck. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Ooh, quiz. That starts with Q, good job. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Can you think of anything else that's about duck 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 that starts with qu, qu? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Quack. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Oh, my goodness, good idea. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 So Q isn't for duck, it's for duck because ducks go qu-qu-quack. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK, D is for mole. Why? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I know. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I'm calling on friends for quiet. Why is D for mole? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK, Marcel, why do you think? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Dig! I want to pick a friend. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You want to pick a friend? Pick a friend who can help you today 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Three, two, one... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Andrew. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Why, Andrew? Good job. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Dig. Dig. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah, because a mole can dig. Good job. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Don't walk in yet. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Ready? Walk in. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Mommy! 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 ALL: # Happy Mommy's Day 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Happy Mommy's Day. # 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Mom! Hi, Mommy. Hi. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Happy Mommy's Day. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 We got you a bunch of goodies. Just for you. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Masha, just pull up the... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Thank you. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Whoops, that leg is... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Thank you very much, guys. This is wonderful. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "Mom, I love you so much. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "I love when we have fun together, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "it's good that you are in my life. Masha." 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Thank you. Very beautiful. Ahh 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 So are you nervous about tonight? A little. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 A little? I would be really nervous. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I mean, it's not that bad. Yeah 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 But... It's everybody. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah, exactly. Everybody's singing at the same time, just no worries. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'My mom, when I had my performances,' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 actually only came to one... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and she said, "You did a good job," 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 but she didn't really praise me 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I didn't get that, so I want that for my girls, my boys. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I want Masha to...see that it's OK, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 it's OK to let anything emotional that might be in you out. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Skip, skip, skip to my Lou skip to the Lou, my darling. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Skip, skip, skip to my Lou skip, skip... # 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You guys, have you ever played the quiet game? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Whoever can be the most quiet until we get to Masha's school wins. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 They win a piece of candy. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Piece of candy. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Candy. A piece of candy? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK, one, two, three, go. Go. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Don't worry. Are you really nervous about your solo? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You'll do great. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 This has been one of my favourite pieces to work on with these 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 students and they do a fabulous job at it, so I hope you enjoy it. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When the news is so bad 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When you're sour and blue 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When you start to get mad you should do what I do 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Tell yourself how lucky you are 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When your life's going wrong and the fates are unkind 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # When you're limping along and get kicked from behind 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # Tell yourself how lucky you are 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 # How lucky, how lucky, how lucky how lucky, how lucky you are. # 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I think they like it. Who? My family. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yes, I'm sure they were very surprised. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Masha, that was beautiful. Give me a hug. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Can you give me a hug? Yes. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 That was wonderful. You did so well. Really? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Yeah, I think so. Don't you? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 OK, I want to see my mom. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Ten years without a sibling and now... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Awesome, just to let you know. I did get a video. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 You did a great job. You were, like... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I loved it. Did someone told you that I have solo? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 No. You, like, every day you tell me, they have solo, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 like, like, you know? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Nobody told me you had a solo. You had like a little smile. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 But you did a great job. OK. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you too. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 What do you think? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Well, I definitely think she brought her excitement to Mom, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 so she's accepting all of this relationship with Dad 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and she's like, "I want to go see Mom," 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and then she comes over and brings it to Mom. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 And Mom was the one who had a hard time. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 There's so much of a message there from Masha. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I need you to delight in me. Yeah. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Were you delighted? And Mom says the right words, that she was.. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 But then attention shifts and Masha hadn't gotten enough. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 What is it from Mom's own history that puts 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 her in a position of having that reaction at that moment? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Hi. I wanted to give her a hug but I was afraid. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Claudio gives hugs and doesn't even think. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I always am apprehensive, sometimes a little more apprehensive. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I think she could have used a hug there. Mm. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 And believe me, I love to hug. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I just know that she's pushed.. she's pushed me away but, you know, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 the door was open and I could have walked in. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I didn't know that at that time you know? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 What else, when you say, "The door's wide open," 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and she says, "Here I am," what else is she bringing to you and Claudio? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Emotion. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 She's bringing everything that was kind of closed in at the time. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Even later that evening, she showed us that she could cry. Wow. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 It's the first time I've seen her cry. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 She cried and it's not like she was trying to hide it.... 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 There you go. Good job. Come on It's uphill. It's uphill, it's hard. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 ROBERT: 'The last time I saw the family, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'we all went out to dinner together. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I was really encouraged by what I saw. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'I've seen a lot of progress with Masha. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'At the dinner, she encouraged her parents to get 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'out on the dance floor and dance together and they didn't want to. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'She went up to the band leader and asked him' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 to dedicate a song to them 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and he did and sort of called them out onto the dance floor. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'She just stood there watching them for the longest time, 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'just entranced with it and just so happy. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Clearly, she is becoming a member of this family 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'and sees these people as her mom and dad. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Masha was already standing there watching' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 and Cami moved in toward Masha and watched with her. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'These two sisters watching the parents. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'And I wondered, "Gosh, is this a moment? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "Is Cami sending some kind of a signal to Masha and to her 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "parents and even to herself that, 'OK, this is a family now.'" 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Claudio and Cheryl. Yeah. Thank you guys. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Thanks for being here tonight. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 FROM FILM: 'What do you mean by saying that a baby loves its mother?' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 A big hugging family. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'Let's see whether or not these orphans of ours can learn to love.' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Good night, Masha. Good night. Good night. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Love you. Have a great time. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Wonderful. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "Mom, I love you so much. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 "It's good that you are in my life. Masha." 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'You know in the movies sometimes, how mortal enemies 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 'can become best friends, because they realise' 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 that they're actually equal in talent? Does that make sense? 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 That's almost exactly what we are but we're not mortal enemies. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 We're sisters. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 I love my family a lot, like, 1 0%. 24:33:17,465 --> 24:33:17,465 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd