My Lost Son

This is a story of love and loss that spans a lifetime.

As a young single woman,

Carol King Eckersley gave birth to a boy

and gave him for adoption.

She's longed to know how his life turned out.

In April 2013, she decided to find out.

And so began an extraordinary journey -

Carol's search for her lost son.

I typed his name in

and it brought me to a website.

And I looked and I said, "My God, it's him."

It was his birth date.

And I looked in the mirror and I said,

"He looks like me."

"But why are they only showing a part of his life?"

And it finally dawned on me that it was right

and I just said, "My God, my baby's dead."

Ken Bissett was one of 35 Syracuse University students

who died on the flight home from a term in London.

-BBC NEWS:

-As relatives of those killed in the Lockerbie bombing

prepare to mark the 25th anniversary of the attack,

the anguish of one mother has only just begun.

We love you, sweetheart.

As relatives gathered to remember, 25 years on,

Carol was attending for the very first time,

having only just learned of her loss.

Even though I didn't have him with me physically

he was always in my heart.

Having covered Carol's story at the time,

I've kept in touch with her

and as the months have passed, I've wondered how she's coping.

So, I've come to see her at home in Portland, Oregon, to find out.

-Hi, Carol.

-Glenn!

-It's so good to see you.

-Great to see you, too.

'Since we last met,

'Carol's learned a lot about her son.'

'She has a folder on his life,

'which has been filling up as some of those who knew Ken

'have got in touch.'

Not only have I met one of his best friends from high school,

I've, via e-mail, met a girl who lived next door to him

and knew him while he was a toddler.

And she sent me pictures.

-That's a cracking picture.

-Isn't that wonderful?

Ken died two days after his 21st birthday.

His parents, John and Flo Bissett, lost their only child.

It was so devastating for his parents.

He was their life.

-They were good parents.

-Very good, very good.

Everything I wanted for him...

came through.

That's what I wanted.

I wanted him to have a mum and a dad who loved each other

and loved him.

And could allow him to be the best he could be,

and be unconditional in their love.

And that's what he got.

Carol's album gives her a glimpse into the life Ken led.

But she wants more.

And she doesn't have to travel far to find it.

Mike Nicholas is one of Ken's best friends from school in New York

and by coincidence he now lives near Carol in Portland.

He can tell her what Ken was like as a teenager.

So we went to a lot of jazz clubs in Manhattan.

And kind of hung out a lot,

all throughout senior year and on into college.

We would stay up all night talking, you know, about why.

You know?! Whether it was music, or Springsteen at the time,

or jazz...or, you know, God

or lack thereof.

But we would, you know, talk all night long.

I mean, I don't know if any of us needed sleep.

Ken is so important to Mike

that he gave the name Bissett to one of his children.

My middle child, her name is Ava Bissett Nicholas.

She is Ava Bissett Nicholas because of Ken.

Ken meant a lot to me.

I picked the name cos that's how I use middle names,

is to honour people before me.

I think I've learned more from Mike than anybody

about the kind of person he was.

It makes him real for me.

It makes him a real person.

And when you have a real person

you can really grieve.

And that's the gift I've been given.

You know?

I think it'll be the Saturday after we get back...

Carol's older sister Sandi has been by her side

ever since she brought Ken into the world.

They are best friends.

And Carol needs that support now more than ever,

as she takes the next steps on her journey.

At their favourite restaurant,

Carol and Sandi are planning to visit the United Kingdom,

where Ken spent the last months of his life.

As far as I know we're leaving at 3:30,

going up through Vancouver

and we'll arrive in London at 11:40am.

In London, they'll meet the man who taught Ken photography.

They're also steeling themselves

to visit the town where Ken was one of 270 people who died.

When we go to Lockerbie

I know they can show me where they found Ken.

I've thought about it a lot.

I didn't know if I could do that

but I want to.

(I want to.)

I want to go the whole trip.

-That's going to be rough.

-It's going to be very rough.

When Carol and Sandi were young,

children born outside marriage were not talked about.

For decades, Carol's baby was their secret.

It wasn't until I was in Syracuse

that the stigma of being an unmarried mother...

I realised I had been carrying that for 46 years.

And I was finally able to let it go because I did belong.

I WAS his mother.

Carol's lightened her emotional burden by confronting her past.

She was advised to so by a grief counsellor

after her husband died.

She hopes the painful journey ahead will heal her further

and serve a wider purpose.

I just feel like...

If I can help anybody,

like the mums who were in the same position I was,

back in the '60s,

if I can be of any help to them...

to let them know that they're OK.

Carol and Sandi are crossing the Atlantic Ocean,

just as Ken did a generation ago.

It was a journey from which he did not return.

Now Carol wants to walk where Ken walked

in the hope that it will bring her closer to her son.

Oh, heavenly days, is that Westminster?

-It has to be.

-Oh, my gosh.

Wow, there's Big Ben.

As well as sightseeing in London,

Carol and Sandi want to retrace Ken's steps

with help from his photography professor, Ian Hessenberg.

As you know, it was 25 years ago

and I still have very strong memories of those kids, you know,

and especially Ken.

Ian's a link to the precious last days of Ken's life.

He can show Carol the flat where Ken lived

and the places he explored here in London.

More than that, he can show her a little of who Ken really was.

Oh, I love that.

OK, so with the comparison there...

He was a lovely, cheeky boy.

He was very sweet.

-He had a good sense of humour, didn't he?

-Amazing!

Very dry sense of humour and he was very cheeky.

This cheeky young man

was one of five promising students taught by Ian

who boarded Pan Am's ill-fated Flight 103.

It was a kind of paradox that those five

that I lost on that Lockerbie flight

were one of the best groups I'd ever had.

And it's not just sentimental, they really were amazing.

It was devastating to lose them...

-So...

-Oh, my.

But in a way the celebration is that I learnt from them,

as fresh as their lives were...

And...

They just should have gone on a lot longer.

Still, after all these years, I still think of them.

-You know? It's crazy, absolutely crazy.

-Oh...

-CRYING: I definitely understand that.

-Yeah.

The building Ken studied in

is included in Ian's tour of what was, in 1988, Syracuse London.

That's the campus, here.

We would have come out of my classroom here

and that basement, little steps up,

that's where my class would have come out our exit.

They would have all night access to the building.

OK, hon.

If we want to go across the road, now...

-CAROL SOBS

-Oh, honey.

ORGAN MUSIC

It's been a little...gut-wrenching.

I felt like he was right there with me.

And I was walking with him,

not just where he had walked.

-And we'd have great fun down there.

-Was the gate there?

This is the gate where he would have walked in, yeah.

'I felt him so strongly at one point'

I thought I might pass out.

I'm sorry, Ian, I didn't expect it to hit me quite that hard.

-Are you glad you came?

-Oh, I am so glad I came.

Never apologise for your tears.

That's what it's all about.

'I don't care if I lose all of my mascara.'

I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

The next stop on Carol's journey is the Scottish capital.

She's discovered that in his last few months

Ken visited Edinburgh and its imposing castle with friends.

In it goes...

-Oh!

-Uh-oh!

Oh!

-The sun is out!

-The sun is out.

I believe that you have an enquiry you would like some help with.

Yes, I do.

This is a picture that was taken of my son,

who was on Pan Am 103.

-I'd like to find where this is.

-Where the picture was taken?

We don't have to look too far...

-OK.

-..because this doorway here

is actually this doorway here.

-Oh, my word!

-Oh, for heaven's sake. It is.

-Yeah.

Look at the boys. I mean, they are having a wonderful time.

-Beautiful.

-Oh, my.

-Oh, my.

So, we're standing right at the location

-where the photograph was taken.

-Oh, my!

# We keep this love in a photograph

# We made these memories for ourselves

# Where our eyes are never closing

# Hearts are never broken

# And time's for ever frozen still... #

Every snapshot is of huge importance to Carol.

That's all I have.

I can never touch him,

I can never hear his voice.

The things that mothers always take for granted.

This is Carol's first visit to Scotland

but she has already made a friend here.

Marion McMillan has been a huge source of strength to her.

But until now, they've only exchanged online hugs.

There she is.

Hi!

At last, they have the chance to meet.

-A real tartan hug!

-A real tartan hug.

Not only do Carol and Marion share friendship,

they also share the experience

of being separated from a child by adoption.

With Marion, Carol knows she's talking with someone

who really understands.

-See, you're building him...

-A picture.

-I am!

-I'm building him up.

-Yeah.

When I talked to his friend Mike,

Mike said it was never a secret that he was adopted,

-that that was well known.

-Mm-hm, yeah.

You really do weep with those that weep

because you understand their journey.

And I knew that she had a big bit of journey to go.

And if she felt that there was others there

walking that walk with her,

she wasn't alone.

As unmarried mums in the 1960s,

Carol and Marion were frowned upon by society.

Many thousands of women have silently suffered that stigma.

That's my Anthony.

But attitudes have changed and the film Philomena,

about another mother's search for her lost son,

has opened up this difficult subject.

He's dead, isn't he?

Yes, I'm sorry.

SHE SOBS

I just...

It's OK.

She found her son, just like you.

'Even though...'

..the treatment of the person can be different,

the emotions are the same.

The deep longing for your child...

is the same.

-Oh, my God.

-It's like your journey, isn't it?

Oh, it's so close in so many ways.

Your children that you're separated from

don't believe that you think about them every day.

There's an umbilical link that never severs.

There's a psychological link that's there.

You're mentally attached to them but they're physically gone,

and they're there the whole time.

Carol has travelled far from home to get closer to her son.

In New York, London and Edinburgh

she's pieced together the life Ken had.

But the hardest leg of her journey is still ahead -

to learn exactly how his life ended in Lockerbie.

-Here's Tundergarth.

-That's it.

That was where the nose cone went

and the people that were in the front of the plane were found.

We need to go out there.

'I have knots in my stomach.'

Why am I doing this?

He had a short life.

I want to find out as much about those 21 years as I can.

So how can I not do this?

In Lockerbie, they're meeting a local police officer

who was on duty on the night of the crash.

Colin Dorrance has offered to be their guide.

At 18, Colin was the youngest police officer

to deal with the devastation.

He's been reluctant to talk about it in the past.

But he wants to help Carol understand

the enormity of what happened.

A few days before Christmas 1988,

the world woke to these unforgettable images

of what remains the deadliest terrorist attack in the UK.

Colin's taking Carol and Sandi to where the nose cone came down.

It was approximately this spot, here.

-Almost exactly here. That's south, there...

-OK.

..and that's the general direction

that international air traffic from Heathrow,

bound for the USA, would travel.

So the aircraft would come from that way.

-You just can't...

-The scope. It's hard to visualise, you know?

Even though I've seen the picture of the cockpit.

There were bodies scattered across this hillside.

Local doctors, called out to check for signs of life,

found no survivors.

At least one of these medics still lives in the town.

Dr Ken McQueen certified the deaths of many passengers.

Carol's come to ask him how much her son would have suffered.

I've been told

that probably they were pretty much instantly gone.

Is that true?

I think there's uncertainty

but to the best of my knowledge and belief

it's probable that they'd be unconscious

from immediately after that.

There'd be an explosion within the aeroplane

and there'd be oxygen-free air

so that consciousness would at least be clouded.

Yes.

And I think if that could be any comfort to you...

-It was a comfort to me, you know?

-It was.

-It is.

-Yes.

Yes, thank you very much.

You're more than welcome, my dear, you're more than welcome.

I know that your son was adopted, we know the story.

And I'd like you to think that he's been adopted twice, Carol,

-cos we've adopted him too.

-Thank you.

As we have with all the rest of the people

that we never met and will never know.

But I think the town has taken them all to their hearts.

SIRENS

Wreckage fell across Lockerbie,

leaving a huge crater where homes had been

in one corner of town.

Today Colin is taking Carol to another quiet neighbourhood

where part of the plane and dozens of passengers came down.

Every step of Carol's journey so far

has been a preparation for this moment.

The miracle of this area here

-is that no resident was killed or badly hurt.

-It's amazing.

It's just totally amazing.

But this was however an area where many of the passengers,

including Kenneth, fell.

Was it down in the yard here, Colin?

Yes.

(It's so damned far to fall.)

-Oh, look at the tree.

-Oh, you can see the train going by.

Not many of those who lived in these streets at the time of the crash

live here now.

But Carol's heard that this house has not changed hands

and that the owner, Peter Giesecke,

will share his experiences of that awful night.

I seen this red glow in the sky,

coming right across, right over the top, there,

and then this huge explosion.

Peter took photographs of the scene on the morning after the crash.

There were bodies all over, all over here, you know?

Absolutely. That's one of them.

Well, here we have here, we're standing just over there.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my little boy might be in that.

The wreckage may be long gone

but the emotional impact of the Lockerbie bombing

remains extremely powerful.

Especially for Carol,

who is probably the last person in the world

to have learned of a loved one lost here.

SHE SIGHS There's Kenny.

CRYING: It shouldn't have happened.

(It just shouldn't have happened.)

You shouldn't be there.

'He was so...'

..ready to be a grown-up

and live a good life

and be a good person

and he never had the chance.

Here you are.

These are for you.

No, I'm not OK.

-I hurt.

-Oh, honey.

-I hurt.

SHE SOBS

All the horror and the sorrow just kind of all came together

and at one point I thought,

"I just want to wail and wail and not stop."

But I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop.

Yes.

OK.

-OK?

-I'm OK, I'm OK...

All right...

-Do you want to sit down?

-Yeah.

'I've learned that'

the adoption process

is something that is not understood enough.

I know I didn't.

I didn't.

I gave Ken in adoption

for what I thought were all the best reasons -

so he would have a home

with a mother and a father who loved each other

and could love him.

But I didn't know what it was going to do to me...

and how it would affect me for the rest of my life.