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CHILDREN PLAYING | 0:00:03 | 0:00:04 | |
Yeah, when I was younger I didn't really know what death was. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
I thought... | 0:00:17 | 0:00:18 | |
..it was like when you go deaf in the ear, so when I... | 0:00:18 | 0:00:22 | |
..got told she had died, | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
I thought like her ear had fallen off or something. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:28 | |
And then, when I got there, | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
like, I just saw her like lying there, | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
and then that's when I understood what death was. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
Every day in the UK, | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
over 100 children lose their mum or dad. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
A young person has to deal with a death in the family | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
every 22 minutes. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
My dad was always... | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
..fun, funny, he was very fun. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
His... | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
..his purpose was to make people happier. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
Erm, when I wake up, and imagine my dad, | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
like, standing there... | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
I always just picture him smiling | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
and joking around or dancing. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
Something like that - always, like, mucking around. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
He was very nice, | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
he liked a bit of banter. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Erm... | 0:01:35 | 0:01:36 | |
He used to be a DJ, erm... | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Sometimes he would put on a lot of weight, | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
and sometimes he'd get a bit of whiskers. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
To help us all understand the life-changing impact | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
of losing a parent, | 0:01:55 | 0:01:56 | |
a handful of brave young people have agreed to share | 0:01:56 | 0:02:01 | |
what they went through. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
All the children in this film have had counselling, | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
many at projects funded by Children in Need. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
Now, they want to tell their stories in their own words, | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
to help others who are facing the death of a family member. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:16 | |
You get upset when they're starting to feel really ill. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
But then, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
when they actually die, you get a bit... | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
..a lot bigger shock, | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
because they're not there any more, | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
but when they're ill, | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
you're still really sad, | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
but then when they die, you get a big shock. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
A few children who are preparing for the loss of a parent | 0:02:45 | 0:02:49 | |
also agreed to take part in this film, | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
to explain how they're coping with fears about their future. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
Eight months ago, Imogen and Madeline's mother told them | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
she had incurable breast cancer. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
One day, you are going to fall off that | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
and I am going to laugh so hard. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
-Thank you. -You're welcome. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
One of their first concerns was who to tell. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
One of my friends' mums has passed away with cancer... | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
..so she understands exactly, erm, but... | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
..well, she's the only one that understands, | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
but the other lot... | 0:03:34 | 0:03:35 | |
they tend to keep it...low key. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
If I say something, they'll ask, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
but they don't say anything unless I say anything. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
It feels a bit scary because I never know | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
when it's going to happen, | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
or why it's going to... | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
Why it has happened to my mum, | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
and my mum's started saying | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
why does all these people who kill | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
and murder stay until they're like 100, | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
and my mum, who's tried to do everything right, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
had to happen like this? | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
And she might have like... | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
..two months to live, or a year to live. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
Or... | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
..you never know. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
For nearly three years, | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
Amy Rose has known that her mother is fighting breast cancer. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Although it is not immediately life-threatening, | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Amy Rose still has to face the possibility of losing her mum. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:45 | |
When I first heard that she was diagnosed, | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
I didn't actually tell anyone, | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
I told like... like, one person, I think, | 0:04:53 | 0:04:57 | |
and then a few people knew | 0:04:57 | 0:04:58 | |
because my mum had told her. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
But, at the same time, | 0:05:00 | 0:05:01 | |
we were both very clear that we didn't want too much sympathy. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:06 | |
Like I have one of my friends, who... | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
..was obviously trying to be considerate and asking like, | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
"How's your mum?" "How's everything going?" | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
and sometimes I just didn't want that to happen. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
Like, I just wanted it to... like, be left alone. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
Yeah, it wasn't easy at all | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
I was literally thinking, | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
"What is happening? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:49 | |
"Is he going to be OK?" | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
"Could this happen to anyone else that I like," that, erm... | 0:05:53 | 0:05:57 | |
"that I, like, love in my family? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
"Could it happen to my little brother? | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
"Could it happen to my mum?" | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
And I had all these rushes, I didn't understand it that well, | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
cos, like, I'm only 11, | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
I'm not going to... I haven't done any history or, like, | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
sciencey stuff about it, or... | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
I barely... I didn't even know about what cancer was before that, | 0:06:16 | 0:06:21 | |
before my dad, I had no idea. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
We didn't really know what the ambulance, | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
and what they were all for, | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
cos we were only six and seven, | 0:06:28 | 0:06:29 | |
and we thought, like, it was a good thing. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:35 | |
And we was like, "Oh, there's an ambulance coming to our house!" | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
And, then, when we got older, | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
and her, like, and her cancer got more severe, erm... | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
..then my dad actually started to tell us, like, | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
"It's not a good thing, guys," | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
like, "It's not going to go well," sort of thing. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
The actual time was | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
when my mum and dad sat me and my sister down on the sofa, | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
and explained to us that, | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
like, my dad wasn't ever going to get better, | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
and he was going to live with it forever. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:07 | |
And he didn't have a lot of time left, | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
so we had make the most of every single moment - | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
always smile, and always try and remember | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
the happy memories we had with each other. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
PLAYGROUND CHATTER | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
I think she had gone to hospital for some reason, | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
and it was around Christmas time, I think, | 0:07:26 | 0:07:30 | |
and she sat on the sofa in my nan's house and she told us all. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:34 | |
How was that? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
Well, Maddie had no idea what it was | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
so she wasn't as bad, | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
but cos they had taught us, like, | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
stuff like that in primary, I knew exactly what it was, | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
so I was terrified. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:56 | |
They're stuck on my hands. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:01 | |
I'll do a bit more. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Then she told us that she has cancer and I didn't know what that...was. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:10 | |
And then she told me and I said, do you...? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
And then she kept on saying she'll survive it | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
and will never have it again. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
She survived it, and then, like, | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
two years later, or three, | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
she got it again, and I felt... | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
..a bit scared about when my mum has gone. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
Hello, hi. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
-How was school? -Good. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Imogen and Madeline's mother, Dawn, | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
used to work as the head of a local sixth form college. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
I've got a thousand pieces of homework! | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Six months ago, she retired due to ill health. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
In March this year, breast cancer returned, | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
and it had spread, | 0:08:54 | 0:08:55 | |
which means that it's now classed as an incurable cancer. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
So, they've told me from day one | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
to be very open and honest with the children about my diagnosis | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
and my treatment plans. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:05 | |
And, yeah, | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
so I had to sit them down and explain to them that, | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
although they'd gone through two years of me going through treatment | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
and we thought that the worst was over, | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
or hoped that the worst was over, | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
that now the prognosis is very different. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
So what's the plan? | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
Are you going to try and find tadpoles or...? | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
-We're going to find tadpoles and fish. -Ooh! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
Chemotherapy this time is about giving me a longer prognosis | 0:09:27 | 0:09:32 | |
than it is about a cure. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
Dawn has a triple negative form of breast cancer, | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
which can be inherited. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
She's been told she may have less than a year to live. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
She's not the only family member with a life-limiting illness. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
My real dad, | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
he lives in a bungalow with a massive dog. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
He's called Paddy and my nan has to go over every time we go over, | 0:09:56 | 0:10:01 | |
and my dad has got Huntington's. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:05 | |
He has Huntington's so he struggles to talk, | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
and...just gets iller and iller and iller. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
Imogen and Madeline know they could inherit | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
both their mother's cancer and their father's Huntington's disease. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
Well, I could...be like my dad, I could be like my mum. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:27 | |
Like, if I did, if I... | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
I could choose when I'm 18 if I can have a scan | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
to see if I have breast cancer or something like that, | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
so if I do, they will take away... | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
They'll basically swap my breasts with something else. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
They'll just put, like, fake ones in, | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
and then they'll have to take away.... | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
I can't remember what it's called | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
but they have to take away something | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
which means you couldn't have kids. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
So... | 0:10:53 | 0:10:54 | |
..I just don't like thinking about it because I love babies. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
I like kids, so... | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
MUFFLED FUSSING | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
So what do you look forward to? | 0:11:13 | 0:11:14 | |
Duvet days. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
In our pyjamas, with the duvet over us, watching films all day. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
THEY SING AND CHATTER WITH THE DOG | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
BIRDS TWITTER | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
When he started getting really ill... | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
..as sad as it is, I don't think he actually... | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
..he had got to the point where he was so sick | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
I don't think he actually recognised many people. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
Like, some of the people that he's known for years, | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
they've came over to say hi and stuff | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
and he can't remember them because it got so bad. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
And, like, I don't think... | 0:12:02 | 0:12:03 | |
I think at the last point, like, | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
he couldn't even remember me and Ben, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
he could only remember the... my mum. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:09 | |
Yeah, that was... | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
I think that was the hardest bit, | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
was the hospital visits, | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
and finally coming to terms with, | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
"OK, then, Dad's really not well." | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
And he'd have mood swings, | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
but we knew that it wasn't because he was angry or upset with us, | 0:12:23 | 0:12:28 | |
it was cos of the medication | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
and, like, how he was getting ill, | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
and where the actual tumour was, like, on the brain. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Anyway, like, I went to see her and my whole family was there, | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
and I said to my family, | 0:12:40 | 0:12:44 | |
"Can I have, like, just a conversation with her by myself?" | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
cos I got told she was going to die, | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
and then I spoke to her and then... | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
..I said, "I'm scared you're going to die," and, erm... | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
..she, erm... | 0:12:58 | 0:12:59 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
It's the fact that someone in your life could just go, like that, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
like, you don't... | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
..you can't really control it. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
But it's the way that... | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
You've got to spend as much time | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
and as much kind of... | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
..time, yeah, basically time, as you can together, | 0:13:38 | 0:13:42 | |
because, that's... | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
..that's basically all you can do. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
Yeah. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
Oil, | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
salt | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
and pepper. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:56 | |
Yeah. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
Right. What is next? | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
Amy Rose's parents are divorced. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
An only child, she spends most of the week with her mother, Claire, | 0:14:02 | 0:14:06 | |
who's had a long battle with breast cancer. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
I'm pretty sure. You can reread the recipe again, but... | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
No, I believe you. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
So, erm... | 0:14:14 | 0:14:15 | |
Couple of years ago, just before Christmas, | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
I found a lump, | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
and, actually, erm... | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
Oh, Lord! | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
Sorry. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:30 | |
And unfortunately the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
was pretty aggressive and it had already spread to my lymph nodes. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:42 | |
Telling Amy Rose about the situation, | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
telling Amy Rose about my cancer, | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
is probably one of the hardest conversations I've had in my life, | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
in that you're going to lose your mum. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
Yeah, we've had, like, general... | 0:14:56 | 0:14:59 | |
We've had more conversations about it, | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
obviously with me growing up, as well, like, | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
we weren't thinking about how we were in a tricky position, | 0:15:04 | 0:15:09 | |
we were thinking about what we're going to do to make it better. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:13 | |
Yeah. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
For parents like Claire, facing a life-threatening illness, | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
one of the hardest parts is explaining to a child what it means. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:26 | |
You lie awake at night | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
wrestling with it, | 0:15:30 | 0:15:31 | |
thinking about it. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
And you're not strong, but as much as possible you've got to try and... | 0:15:34 | 0:15:41 | |
..keep them feeling that their world is safe. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
I did not expect any of this to happen. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
Like, I didn't know what would happen, | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
but I didn't expect it to pan out like this. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
I was angry with just... | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
..the cancer. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:08 | |
And I was angry at... | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
I felt angry at Mum for some reason, I don't know why. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
But I felt angry that she had got it | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
because I thought she'd done something to get it, | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
but then, like, now I understand | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
and I feel angry at myself, for, like... | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
..not being like... | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
not feeling sad for her, and stuff like that. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
So... | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
You go through stages. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:34 | |
Sometimes you're fine about it, sometimes, | 0:16:34 | 0:16:38 | |
well, you're not fine, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:39 | |
but you're a bit overwhelmed, | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
so you don't know what to feel | 0:16:41 | 0:16:42 | |
and sometimes you're angry, | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
and sometimes you can be sad, | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
like really, really sad. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:47 | |
You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to cry. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
Nothing wrong with it. If you don't cry, then... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
..you're just not a real person, I don't think. You have to... | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
Yeah, you have to have emotion. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:01 | |
So I've started to collect little things that I think will help, | 0:17:21 | 0:17:26 | |
of memories. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:27 | |
So, we had this book done, didn't we? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
So, when Madeline did | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
A Day In The Life Of Madeline with me, | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
and we thought of all the big events | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
that I'm probably not going to be able to be here for. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:50 | |
So, we started with her Sweet 16 prom dress, | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
so we looked at lots and lots of different dresses. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
What is that?! | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
Yes, she didn't like that one, funnily enough. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
But when she did try on the right dress, look how beautiful... | 0:18:02 | 0:18:06 | |
That's the one, the first one was... | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
Yeah, look how beautiful she looks. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
-I look good! -SHE GIGGLES | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
And then we went looking for a car. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
So, Madeline was absolutely convinced she wanted one | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
without a roof, but, then... | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
-GIGGLING: -I loved... | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Then we found this little beauty. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:23 | |
So, a little Fiat 500. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
Look, with all the red inside - interior, seats, | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
and cream steering wheel, and the men even... | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
..put the sold sign in the car, look! | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
So we had to rush round, then, didn't we? | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
But we found your first home, which was beautiful - | 0:18:38 | 0:18:42 | |
-not far from where your dad lives. -Oh, look, I love it! | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
-And then we had the fun in the bridal shop, didn't we? -Oh, yeah. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-Looking at all the beautiful dresses. -I liked that one. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
And which was your favourite one? The first one, wasn't it? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
Why do you think your mum wanted to show you those things, Maddie? | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
Because my mum won't be there to do them things with me, | 0:19:00 | 0:19:04 | |
so she wanted to do that, | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
and my mum said, "That might not be the dress that you'll have, | 0:19:07 | 0:19:12 | |
"but at least I will remember you picking a dress out." | 0:19:12 | 0:19:16 | |
And picking a car, and all that. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
And I said, "The only thing that you're going to miss | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
"is my driving licence." I said, | 0:19:22 | 0:19:23 | |
"What if you teach me how to drive now?!" | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
She went, "No, you're too young." | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
So that's... That's our Day In The Life with Madeline. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
And we did exactly the same for Imogen. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
-So Imogen's Day In The... -I've not seen yours, Imogen. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
We looked at some dresses. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
Oh, that's lush... Is that the one that I got? | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
Both girls want to spend as much time with their mother as possible. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:49 | |
Imogen gets especially anxious when they're apart. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
If she's not there, I call her, like, every night, | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
and she says, "You need to kind of stop doing that, | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
"so you're ready for the future. | 0:19:58 | 0:19:59 | |
"Cos you know, you can't just call me up," once she's passed, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:03 | |
so... | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
Sometimes I just want to smack her in the face | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
and tell her to shut up but... | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
And then this was what was meant to happen with Madeline, | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
where we went for afternoon tea. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
-She's drinking wine! -And Imogen's pretending to drink champagne. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
I didn't pretend. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
-Yes, you did! -SHE CHUCKLES | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
Ssh! | 0:20:21 | 0:20:22 | |
Do you think you're ready for that day? | 0:20:22 | 0:20:23 | |
Nope. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:24 | |
Dread every... | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Every day, I dread that day, and... | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
..I never want it to come. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:33 | |
So, I think that's about it, guys. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
And then anything else we do now, we'll do the same, | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
-we'll make as many books... -Is that it? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Yeah. We'll make as many books as possible. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
One for Dad, one for you. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
We'll put all those things in there as well, | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
and you'll be able to go there any time you want to... | 0:20:50 | 0:20:55 | |
..reflect back on life with me. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
You're closing my nose! | 0:20:57 | 0:20:58 | |
Mind your nose! | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
Ow. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
I actually like writing my memories down... | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
..cos sometimes, as you get older, | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
you forget the memories, | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
and you forget them, | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
and you can never remember them, | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
but if you keep stuff like my memory jar here, | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
then we would put my memory jar for Daddy. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:31 | |
Then lots of different, the colour what you... | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
So you think of some memories, | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
and for every memory you choose a colour. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
So, say I put 'Going to Greggs', | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
that's blue and orange, | 0:21:42 | 0:21:43 | |
cause the sign is blue and orange. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
That is... | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
..that one, blue and orange at the bottom. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
And, then, also, I put beeping in the van... | 0:21:49 | 0:21:54 | |
..so that's black. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
Black's up there. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
And calling each other silly names is yellow, | 0:21:59 | 0:22:04 | |
that's that one, | 0:22:04 | 0:22:05 | |
and then also silly dancing, | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
he used to do a LOT of silly dancing, | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
and it's green at the top. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
At the top. They're my ones. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
I have loads of teddies, bears that she gave me. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
I speak to the teddy bears. Sounds a bit stupid, but... | 0:22:38 | 0:22:43 | |
..I look at them and think of them as Mummy, | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
cos she gave them to me, and I speak to them, | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
and that makes... I just tell them, like, all the... | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
..my emotions, what I'm going through at the moment, | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
how I feel. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
I am wearing a necklace with my dad's ashes put into the locket, | 0:22:57 | 0:23:03 | |
so, like, it's obviously close my heart, | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
and obviously on the back it says, "Daddy's big girl", | 0:23:06 | 0:23:10 | |
because I was... I'm the oldest one | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
and my dad always used to say that to me, | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
so it's really special to me, | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
and I wear it on special occasions | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
or just whenever, really. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
Erm, well, usually when I go to bed, | 0:23:21 | 0:23:25 | |
I have this bear that reminds me of him. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:30 | |
This teddy bear was made from all of my dad's shirts. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:35 | |
And I have got photos in my room, | 0:23:36 | 0:23:40 | |
and I've kind of got quite a bit of stuff that reminds me. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
Erm, I loved when he pushed me on the swing outside the house. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:49 | |
Sometimes he would push me a little bit too high. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:53 | |
We did kind of have a few conversations | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
about what would happen, and stuff like that. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
We went through a lot of times when it was very low. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
In Wokingham, Amy Rose is learning to live with the uncertainties | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
that come with her mother's cancer. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
I mean, it's not been easy. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
It's been... | 0:24:26 | 0:24:27 | |
It's definitely been like a roller-coaster, | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
because we've had the ups where, like, | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
we've just had surgery and it's all gone well, | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
and we've had the downs, where we're not quite healing right, | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
and all sorts like that. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
-Hello! -Hello! How was your day? | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
Recently, Claire's been told | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
that her cancer is responding well to treatment, and is not spreading. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
-In you come. -Hello, Lilly. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:50 | |
But her prognosis is far from certain. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
There's some flapjack to start with. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:54 | |
The reality is the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
is a nasty little thing. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
Hello. Hello. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
And, it may well just reappear one day. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:09 | |
She's... | 0:25:12 | 0:25:13 | |
Basically, she's still taking various hormone drugs | 0:25:13 | 0:25:17 | |
and all of that lot and still has to go in and get... I think it's... | 0:25:17 | 0:25:21 | |
I can't remember what it's called, but she has to go in | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
and get an injection every month or whatever. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
But, as I understand it, | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
we're in a better place than we were. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Amy Rose is packing to go away with her mum | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
while Claire's health is stable. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
So, we're going down to Lyme Regis, | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
which is a special place for us | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
and it's just somewhere that | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
we've always looked to have a good time and put things behind us. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:55 | |
See, you're not going to beat me. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
Right, OK. Hangman. OK, I've got one. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
-OFF-SCREEN: -I know that the cancer, | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
it could come back. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
It's made me treasure, like, moments more. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:14 | |
So, like, every moment I spend, I'm treasuring it. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
With my mum, with, like, anyone I treasure it more | 0:26:17 | 0:26:21 | |
because I just think that could be just change straight away. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:25 | |
B! | 0:26:25 | 0:26:26 | |
-Yay! -SHE LAUGHS | 0:26:26 | 0:26:27 | |
-T! -Yes. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
-Yay! -Well done. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
-Well done! -I guessed T. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:34 | |
-It's my go. Wait. I'll just save paper. -OK. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:39 | |
When someone dies... | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
Yeah, one of the most true things that | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
I can possibly say is nothing will... | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
..ever, ever, ever be the same. It's like little things. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
Your cupboards won't be the same. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
Things are different, you know, you have to stop ordering that | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
type of food, and, all the time, you'll get hot chilli sauce | 0:27:08 | 0:27:11 | |
and no-one eats it. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
No-one ate it except for my dad. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
For me, before she died, it was a bit like, | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
we were a great family, we were, | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
like, all happy, go out, erm, in family...days out, | 0:27:25 | 0:27:30 | |
like, to the zoo and stuff. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
And, now, it's a bit more like, | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
we go out but it's like there is a person missing and there is | 0:27:35 | 0:27:40 | |
because there is a seat empty. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 | |
So, were you with your new teacher today or with Mr Davidson? | 0:27:55 | 0:27:58 | |
With Miss Dickson. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
-You look very hot. -SHE LAUGHS | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
In Wales, Dawn's health is getting worse. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:08 | |
She has to rely on Imogen and Madeleine more and more. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:10 | |
-OFF-SCREEN: -They certainly help more round the house, they, erm... | 0:28:13 | 0:28:16 | |
They, er, get pocket money depending on chores now | 0:28:16 | 0:28:19 | |
because I'm just not well enough | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
to do everything that I used to do before. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 | |
Right, I think that's you ready for school, then. Kiss-kiss. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:27 | |
Oh, you just coughed in my face. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
But they can tell when I'm having a bad day and they tend to come | 0:28:29 | 0:28:33 | |
and crawl into bed with me and give me cuddles and tell me everything | 0:28:33 | 0:28:37 | |
is going to be fine and that always makes me feel a lot better. | 0:28:37 | 0:28:40 | |
When Dawn goes for treatment, 12-year-old Imogen | 0:28:43 | 0:28:46 | |
drops her younger sister off at school. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:48 | |
Dawn has up to four hours chemotherapy a week. | 0:28:57 | 0:29:00 | |
Oh, this one today. | 0:29:04 | 0:29:05 | |
She divorced Madeleine and Imogen's father several years ago. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:10 | |
Two weeks before her cancer diagnosis, she met Steve | 0:29:13 | 0:29:17 | |
and they married just over a year ago. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:20 | |
Cycle three? | 0:29:20 | 0:29:22 | |
Yes. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:23 | |
Here we go. | 0:29:23 | 0:29:24 | |
Yeah, they got married last May. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:27 | |
And they have been together for three years. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:31 | |
I think. I don't know. Three years, maybe, four. | 0:29:31 | 0:29:34 | |
I wanted to be maid of honour but I wasn't married so, I couldn't. | 0:29:34 | 0:29:38 | |
-The magic black bag. -The magic... | 0:29:41 | 0:29:43 | |
-I would so love to know what's in it. -THEY LAUGH | 0:29:43 | 0:29:46 | |
I'd be so annoyed if I sit here for ages, | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
and just have sugar water pumped through my veins. | 0:29:48 | 0:29:51 | |
The worst thing you can do for a child is try | 0:29:51 | 0:29:54 | |
and sugar-coat what is happening | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
or to lie completely because as much as I know that, you know, | 0:29:56 | 0:30:01 | |
that this has won and that I will die of breast cancer, | 0:30:01 | 0:30:05 | |
I'm also very aware that, erm, | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
that I need to stay motivated and positive and just try and be | 0:30:07 | 0:30:12 | |
one of those cases that you hear about through the grapevine | 0:30:12 | 0:30:15 | |
all the time that has beaten the odds. | 0:30:15 | 0:30:17 | |
They depend on me so much. | 0:30:17 | 0:30:19 | |
Yeah, it's absolutely heartbreaking | 0:30:19 | 0:30:21 | |
but it does them no good to see me crying all the time so | 0:30:21 | 0:30:23 | |
I put on my brave face and I keep my crying for bedtimes and... | 0:30:23 | 0:30:28 | |
Steve gets the privilege of it all, don't you, really? | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
Difficult 2:00am conversations and, yeah, all sorts. | 0:30:31 | 0:30:34 | |
Hi! You OK? | 0:30:35 | 0:30:38 | |
I'm in the VIP section today. | 0:30:38 | 0:30:39 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
You can take yourself to here, can't you? | 0:31:07 | 0:31:09 | |
If you fix this as your memory, | 0:31:09 | 0:31:12 | |
then any time you're going through anything rough, | 0:31:12 | 0:31:14 | |
you can pull on that memory, | 0:31:14 | 0:31:15 | |
-it's almost like taking a photo out of a box. -Yeah. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:20 | |
In Dorset, Claire wants to make every day memorable for Amy Rose. | 0:31:21 | 0:31:26 | |
Feel like everything is right with the world, don't you, | 0:31:26 | 0:31:28 | |
-when you are at the Cobb? -Yep. | 0:31:28 | 0:31:30 | |
Recently, she's made a worrying discovery. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:33 | |
Last week, I...erm, | 0:31:36 | 0:31:38 | |
went for my normal check-up, my hormonal injection, | 0:31:38 | 0:31:42 | |
and I'd found another lump in my breast, erm, and so I asked | 0:31:42 | 0:31:47 | |
the nurse to check, erm, if she could feel it as well and she could. | 0:31:47 | 0:31:51 | |
Er, so...I'm really hopeful that's it's something minor. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:57 | |
But obviously right now, I'm facing the dilemma that | 0:31:57 | 0:32:01 | |
it may well be that the cancer has come back again. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:05 | |
Erm, and if that's happened, then it's happened quite quickly. | 0:32:05 | 0:32:08 | |
So, that raises an awful lot of questions for me, erm, but | 0:32:08 | 0:32:13 | |
particularly for Amy Rose's future and how we go forward with things. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:17 | |
Six months ago, Claire bought a flat in Lyme Regis | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
with life insurance money she was able to claim | 0:32:23 | 0:32:25 | |
when she was first diagnosed with cancer. | 0:32:25 | 0:32:28 | |
It's something that will be hers, always. | 0:32:32 | 0:32:34 | |
Go on, in you go. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:36 | |
And I hope she'll be taking her family there | 0:32:36 | 0:32:40 | |
and making more memories. | 0:32:40 | 0:32:42 | |
Right. | 0:32:44 | 0:32:45 | |
-So, you're pretty well equipped if something did happen to Mummy. -Yes. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:50 | |
Claire is passing on as many practical lessons as possible | 0:32:52 | 0:32:55 | |
while she still can. | 0:32:55 | 0:32:56 | |
Let me show you this. | 0:32:58 | 0:32:59 | |
So, this is for here, this is council tax | 0:33:00 | 0:33:03 | |
-but basically every month that's how much I have to pay. -OK. | 0:33:03 | 0:33:06 | |
-And that covers keeping the street lights working... -Oh. | 0:33:06 | 0:33:10 | |
-..emptying the bins... -Yeah. | 0:33:10 | 0:33:12 | |
And this is setting up a direct debit. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:14 | |
What's a direct debit? | 0:33:14 | 0:33:16 | |
So, this means... | 0:33:16 | 0:33:18 | |
Best way to deal with it is to think about how are we going to | 0:33:18 | 0:33:21 | |
work on building things for her future. | 0:33:21 | 0:33:24 | |
And I think it makes it all the more important the time that we | 0:33:24 | 0:33:28 | |
have here in Lyme | 0:33:28 | 0:33:31 | |
because I'm very aware that time just slips through your fingers. | 0:33:31 | 0:33:34 | |
-So... -Yeah. -Fish and chips for tea. | 0:33:37 | 0:33:40 | |
Oh. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:42 | |
Or do you want to do fish and chips on the beach? | 0:33:42 | 0:33:44 | |
Fish and chips on the beach, that's even better. Yeah. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:46 | |
No, don't look. Don't look. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:03 | |
It's going to feel a bit like a hat, don't look, don't look. | 0:34:03 | 0:34:06 | |
Ready, steady... | 0:34:06 | 0:34:08 | |
-OK. -Go! | 0:34:08 | 0:34:10 | |
Oh, God! | 0:34:10 | 0:34:11 | |
THEY ALL LAUGH | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
-Let's cut it. -You look so much older. | 0:34:13 | 0:34:16 | |
She looks like Winona Ryder. | 0:34:16 | 0:34:19 | |
Yeah. She does. | 0:34:19 | 0:34:20 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:34:20 | 0:34:22 | |
Mother's girl! | 0:34:22 | 0:34:23 | |
The summer holidays have started, | 0:34:23 | 0:34:25 | |
and Dawn is having a new wig fitted before the family go away. | 0:34:25 | 0:34:30 | |
Looks like one of those squirrels we feed at the park. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:33 | |
Open your eyes, Mummy. | 0:34:33 | 0:34:35 | |
-Mummy, open your eyes. -Ready? -Yeah. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:38 | |
I have hair. It's so weird. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:40 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:34:40 | 0:34:42 | |
-Doesn't she look beautiful? -That's lush! | 0:34:42 | 0:34:45 | |
I love that. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:46 | |
Hang on, do you want to see, Steve? | 0:34:46 | 0:34:49 | |
Recently, she's made legal arrangements for Imogen | 0:34:49 | 0:34:52 | |
and Madeleine's future care. | 0:34:52 | 0:34:53 | |
She's agreed with their father that they will continue to | 0:34:53 | 0:34:56 | |
live with their stepfather Steve | 0:34:56 | 0:34:58 | |
while also being supported by other relatives. | 0:34:58 | 0:35:01 | |
-Which wig is Steve having? -Let's have a look. | 0:35:02 | 0:35:05 | |
-Yeah! -SHE LAUGHS | 0:35:05 | 0:35:07 | |
Rick Parfitt. | 0:35:07 | 0:35:09 | |
Well, my stepdad works nights so he will work days and then nights | 0:35:13 | 0:35:18 | |
so my nan will come over the days that he works nights | 0:35:18 | 0:35:21 | |
so she'll stay with us or stuff like that. | 0:35:21 | 0:35:25 | |
My nan will be over all the time. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:28 | |
Shelby! Monster! | 0:35:29 | 0:35:31 | |
They're in my room. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:32 | |
As Dawn's treatment intensifies, | 0:35:32 | 0:35:35 | |
the family relies more and more on her mother Sue | 0:35:35 | 0:35:38 | |
to look after Imogen and Madeleine. | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
Come on. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:42 | |
Come on. | 0:35:42 | 0:35:43 | |
-Come on. -They think they've got free attention. | 0:35:43 | 0:35:46 | |
-Come on. -Bye, Nanny. | 0:35:46 | 0:35:47 | |
In the coming months, her support will be crucial. | 0:35:47 | 0:35:50 | |
-Who was that? -That's my nanny. | 0:35:50 | 0:35:53 | |
How important is your nan to you now? | 0:35:56 | 0:35:58 | |
Really, because she has gone through a lot | 0:35:58 | 0:36:01 | |
because my grandad died of cancer as well. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
-Hello, again! -I'm so sorry. | 0:36:06 | 0:36:08 | |
-THEY LAUGH -I took them downstairs and they bolted again. | 0:36:08 | 0:36:12 | |
Well, my grandad died March the 22nd, I think it was. | 0:36:21 | 0:36:27 | |
And then six months later my dad died in August. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:35 | |
And if you if you had said to somebody, | 0:36:37 | 0:36:39 | |
"I have lost somebody," they'd think, "Oh, yeah, she'll get over it | 0:36:39 | 0:36:44 | |
"in a couple of months, it will be fine," | 0:36:44 | 0:36:46 | |
but you kind of never, ever get over it, | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
even when you're, like, an adult. | 0:36:48 | 0:36:51 | |
You... It's... It's still a big part of your life that's gone, | 0:36:51 | 0:36:55 | |
kind of thing, and it's like a part missing. | 0:36:55 | 0:36:58 | |
And it's always going to be missing, so... | 0:36:58 | 0:37:01 | |
I was like, it's actually making me laugh | 0:37:06 | 0:37:07 | |
because I am just thinking about him laughing. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:10 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -It's just making me laugh cos I'm thinking about him laughing | 0:37:10 | 0:37:13 | |
because that's the only thing that I truly remember, properly remember, about Dad. | 0:37:13 | 0:37:19 | |
Just him laughing. | 0:37:21 | 0:37:23 | |
And, sorry, the only reason I am looking over here is cos that's where he used to sit. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:27 | |
That is where he sat. | 0:37:27 | 0:37:29 | |
Oh, my God, yeah, that's weird. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:32 | |
I've never done that before, actually. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:34 | |
And I am probably imagining sitting there. That's... | 0:37:34 | 0:37:37 | |
Mm. | 0:37:39 | 0:37:40 | |
Today, Dawn is having an MRI scan to discover | 0:37:52 | 0:37:55 | |
whether her breast cancer has spread. | 0:37:55 | 0:37:57 | |
So, basically, we're looking at whether the tumour has started | 0:38:06 | 0:38:10 | |
to grow again or whether it's stable | 0:38:10 | 0:38:12 | |
or hopefully whether it's shrunk. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:15 | |
But quite anxious today because I feel like the lump has grown quite a bit | 0:38:19 | 0:38:23 | |
so I'm expecting the worst, so today is a pretty tough day. | 0:38:23 | 0:38:27 | |
Did you, erm... Are the girls aware how tough it is for you? | 0:38:30 | 0:38:34 | |
No, that's why I tend to come to these on my own. | 0:38:34 | 0:38:37 | |
Erm, I just find that I'm pretty brave with most things | 0:38:37 | 0:38:41 | |
but this is my Achilles heel so especially with it being | 0:38:41 | 0:38:45 | |
secondary because I know at some point one of these scans is going | 0:38:45 | 0:38:49 | |
to show that it has spread further so... Whereas before with scans, | 0:38:49 | 0:38:54 | |
you were always hopeful it would show that it wasn't present. | 0:38:54 | 0:38:58 | |
These feel very different to when I had primary cancer. | 0:38:58 | 0:39:01 | |
Right then, | 0:39:04 | 0:39:06 | |
I will carry your bag for you cos you've got to look after that. | 0:39:06 | 0:39:09 | |
To be honest, it's getting harder not easier because | 0:39:11 | 0:39:14 | |
the estimated time was about 11 months | 0:39:14 | 0:39:18 | |
so we're significantly into that time scale now. | 0:39:18 | 0:39:21 | |
The truth is, I am just waiting to die. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:26 | |
So the recorded voice will ask you to breathe in and hold | 0:39:29 | 0:39:32 | |
your breath, it's about six seconds you hold your breath for. | 0:39:32 | 0:39:35 | |
And then the voice will tell you to breathe normally which is just that. | 0:39:35 | 0:39:38 | |
Right, I'll see you in a minute. | 0:39:38 | 0:39:40 | |
AUTOMATED VOICE: Breathe in and hold your breath. | 0:39:48 | 0:39:51 | |
I was six when my grandad died of cancer. | 0:39:53 | 0:39:56 | |
I don't know what cancer he had but he had like an unknown cancer. | 0:39:57 | 0:40:01 | |
AUTOMATED VOICE: Breathe normally. | 0:40:01 | 0:40:04 | |
They couldn't help him because he was so bad now it wouldn't... | 0:40:08 | 0:40:12 | |
So they had to give up and it was really sad for my nan because | 0:40:12 | 0:40:16 | |
she was going through my mum being ill and my grandad passed away. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:21 | |
Only dropped one so far. In 22 years, that's not bad. | 0:40:22 | 0:40:25 | |
Because my mum's... | 0:40:25 | 0:40:27 | |
That's my mum's dad, so, like, she was really upset. | 0:40:27 | 0:40:31 | |
Don't forget your bag. | 0:40:31 | 0:40:33 | |
What goes through your head | 0:40:38 | 0:40:39 | |
when you're having a scan like that, Dawn? | 0:40:39 | 0:40:41 | |
My dad. | 0:40:43 | 0:40:44 | |
Erm, I lost my dad to cancer last year. | 0:40:44 | 0:40:48 | |
And, erm, the second I am in there I just... | 0:40:48 | 0:40:52 | |
feel in my head I'm calling him to be with me. | 0:40:52 | 0:40:55 | |
And I get a lot of comfort from thinking he is keeping | 0:40:55 | 0:40:58 | |
an eye on me, but, yeah, it's always my dad I think of. | 0:40:58 | 0:41:03 | |
Now I know that I'm losing my battle, | 0:41:08 | 0:41:11 | |
it's even harder now to think that my family will have lost | 0:41:11 | 0:41:14 | |
two of us probably in the space of 24 months. | 0:41:14 | 0:41:16 | |
It just feels never-ending at the moment. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:20 | |
Boys, where is your one? | 0:41:29 | 0:41:33 | |
Oh, there he is. | 0:41:33 | 0:41:34 | |
I didn't see him there. | 0:41:34 | 0:41:36 | |
I didn't know you were in there, hello! | 0:41:36 | 0:41:38 | |
I always talk to my rats. | 0:41:41 | 0:41:42 | |
Especially my one. That's my one over in the corner. | 0:41:43 | 0:41:46 | |
Like, why is everything happening to my family? | 0:41:48 | 0:41:52 | |
Why can't it happen to someone else's? | 0:41:52 | 0:41:54 | |
And I wonder where your family are. | 0:41:55 | 0:41:57 | |
Yeah, I think friends and family communicating with you | 0:42:13 | 0:42:17 | |
is a massive thing, and, like, if you don't communicate to anyone, | 0:42:17 | 0:42:22 | |
you're going to just crumble, like. | 0:42:22 | 0:42:24 | |
You need to speak to people, otherwise it will really start | 0:42:24 | 0:42:27 | |
to get to you and you'll overthink things. | 0:42:27 | 0:42:29 | |
Well, if I see Mummy upset or something, I will go over | 0:42:30 | 0:42:34 | |
and give her a cuddle, | 0:42:34 | 0:42:36 | |
and that's the same with Ellie and Sophia as well - | 0:42:36 | 0:42:38 | |
if I see them upset, I will go and give them a cuddle | 0:42:38 | 0:42:41 | |
and ask them if they're all right and... | 0:42:41 | 0:42:44 | |
And with Ellie, we talk to each other, me and Ellie do. | 0:42:44 | 0:42:47 | |
Me and Ellie always talk to each other and that helps us. | 0:42:47 | 0:42:51 | |
Well... | 0:42:53 | 0:42:56 | |
counselling was the thing that helped me the most. | 0:42:56 | 0:42:59 | |
When my mum suggested the idea, I wasn't very comfortable with it. | 0:42:59 | 0:43:03 | |
I didn't really want to... | 0:43:03 | 0:43:05 | |
I thought it was just somebody coming to talk to me about | 0:43:05 | 0:43:09 | |
my personal problems | 0:43:09 | 0:43:10 | |
and I didn't really feel that comfortable with it. | 0:43:10 | 0:43:13 | |
But when I actually started, it kind of... It helped me a lot. | 0:43:13 | 0:43:20 | |
Oh, Tommy, your hair's stuck in the brush. | 0:43:26 | 0:43:29 | |
In Wales, Dawn has approached a local counselling service | 0:43:29 | 0:43:32 | |
for Imogen and Madeleine. | 0:43:32 | 0:43:34 | |
She wants both girls to have the right support before | 0:43:34 | 0:43:37 | |
and after her death. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:38 | |
You're beautiful. | 0:43:38 | 0:43:40 | |
The children are dealing with things in very different ways. | 0:43:40 | 0:43:43 | |
Madeleine likes to talk, you know, through things with me | 0:43:43 | 0:43:47 | |
at length and is very open to going to charities that we have been | 0:43:47 | 0:43:51 | |
introduced to, to try and support children through bereavement. | 0:43:51 | 0:43:55 | |
But Imogen has just turned 12, is very grown-up for her years, | 0:43:55 | 0:44:00 | |
and genuinely feels that she has the coping mechanisms to deal | 0:44:00 | 0:44:04 | |
with what's happening by herself. | 0:44:04 | 0:44:07 | |
Oh, now you're pleased. | 0:44:07 | 0:44:08 | |
Imogen has already had a course of therapy | 0:44:10 | 0:44:12 | |
when her dad was diagnosed with Huntington's disease. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:15 | |
I didn't really want to do it then, | 0:44:16 | 0:44:19 | |
but I did it because my mum wanted me to do it. | 0:44:19 | 0:44:22 | |
So I did it and they came to the school and stuff like that. | 0:44:22 | 0:44:26 | |
I just didn't find it did anything for me, so... | 0:44:26 | 0:44:28 | |
I talk to my nan a lot and then she talks to my mum | 0:44:30 | 0:44:33 | |
cos I don't want to talk to my mum | 0:44:33 | 0:44:34 | |
because I think it will make her upset | 0:44:34 | 0:44:36 | |
so I talk to my nan, | 0:44:36 | 0:44:37 | |
and I just found counselling... find it a waste of time. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:41 | |
The one thing I don't need to worry about, in that sense, | 0:44:44 | 0:44:47 | |
is they have a huge support network around them, | 0:44:47 | 0:44:50 | |
they will always have somewhere where they will feel loved | 0:44:50 | 0:44:53 | |
and cared for, I don't want to bully them or push them into counselling | 0:44:53 | 0:44:57 | |
but I do understand the value of what that can offer and hope that, | 0:44:57 | 0:45:02 | |
you know, at some point, | 0:45:02 | 0:45:04 | |
that barrier for Imogen will have broken down. | 0:45:04 | 0:45:07 | |
There are organisations all over the country that | 0:45:16 | 0:45:18 | |
specialise in helping young people when they lose somebody close, | 0:45:18 | 0:45:23 | |
many of them supported by Children In Need. | 0:45:23 | 0:45:25 | |
Sometimes you can't explain, like, what's inside of you, | 0:45:27 | 0:45:30 | |
like, sometimes you have this feeling about it, and like | 0:45:30 | 0:45:34 | |
nobody else can feel it, unless they have had it done to them. | 0:45:34 | 0:45:38 | |
I think there's always times, isn't there, when you specifically | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
might miss somebody and when you wish they were around? | 0:45:40 | 0:45:43 | |
At the Princess Alice Hospice in Surrey, bereaved teenagers | 0:45:45 | 0:45:48 | |
meet once a month to share their memories and feelings. | 0:45:48 | 0:45:51 | |
So what do you wish that you could say to your dad? | 0:45:51 | 0:45:54 | |
Counsellors help them to talk about the impact of their loss | 0:45:55 | 0:45:58 | |
and cope with the immediate shock of a loved one's death. | 0:45:58 | 0:46:02 | |
What about you, Amaya? | 0:46:02 | 0:46:04 | |
Erm, I thought he would get better and the moment that I found... | 0:46:04 | 0:46:08 | |
I found out that he had passed away, I was like, I didn't really | 0:46:08 | 0:46:12 | |
believe it and I thought, "Oh, he's probably going to come back." | 0:46:12 | 0:46:15 | |
I had never actually seen a dead thing, like anything dead. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:40 | |
I can always remember I was sitting in the front room, | 0:46:44 | 0:46:47 | |
and, erm, Ben was in the toy room | 0:46:47 | 0:46:50 | |
and I saw mum rushing down the stairs shouting, | 0:46:50 | 0:46:53 | |
"He's gone! He's gone!" | 0:46:53 | 0:46:54 | |
And, erm, I stood up and I was like, | 0:46:54 | 0:46:57 | |
"No," and I was shouting, "No." | 0:46:57 | 0:47:00 | |
And then... | 0:47:00 | 0:47:02 | |
When we were having that chat and we just went upstairs | 0:47:03 | 0:47:06 | |
to see him and he was dead, erm... | 0:47:06 | 0:47:08 | |
It wasn't the nicest thing to see. | 0:47:10 | 0:47:12 | |
So I grabbed one of erm... | 0:47:14 | 0:47:16 | |
..my erm... | 0:47:18 | 0:47:19 | |
..one of my teddies that I really liked and like, erm... | 0:47:20 | 0:47:25 | |
I remember Dad, erm, | 0:47:25 | 0:47:27 | |
like, I think he wrestled it off the dog, at one point | 0:47:27 | 0:47:31 | |
when he got it and I thought he could have that as his trophy. | 0:47:31 | 0:47:35 | |
So he was lying in his bed thingy and I just left that there. | 0:47:35 | 0:47:39 | |
And I was really sad. | 0:47:39 | 0:47:41 | |
I couldn't stay in the room much longer, | 0:47:41 | 0:47:44 | |
knowing that he wasn't waking up. | 0:47:44 | 0:47:46 | |
I hate today. | 0:48:00 | 0:48:01 | |
Dawn has returned to the Velindre Cancer Centre in Cardiff | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
to get her scan results. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:08 | |
-You know you're my good luck charm, don't you? -Mm? | 0:48:09 | 0:48:11 | |
You're my good luck charm. | 0:48:11 | 0:48:13 | |
Having to wait two weeks for scan results is really tough | 0:48:15 | 0:48:18 | |
because, obviously, you just want to know if it's working | 0:48:18 | 0:48:21 | |
and whether it's spreading and... Obviously, if it's spreading, | 0:48:21 | 0:48:24 | |
it's affecting the time I've got left with my family. | 0:48:24 | 0:48:26 | |
Madeleine, she, erm... | 0:48:28 | 0:48:29 | |
She is very in tune with my anxiety so | 0:48:29 | 0:48:33 | |
she has picked up that I am worried about today | 0:48:33 | 0:48:35 | |
so she has asked me lots of times, erm, when I get my results. | 0:48:35 | 0:48:39 | |
We wish you the best of luck. | 0:48:40 | 0:48:42 | |
Thank you. | 0:48:42 | 0:48:43 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
Oh, as good as I could have hoped for, really. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:22 | |
So the tumour has shrunk slightly. | 0:49:22 | 0:49:26 | |
It's great news, and, of course, that implies to the children | 0:49:26 | 0:49:29 | |
that I'm getting better | 0:49:29 | 0:49:31 | |
which I'm not so I've got to be very careful and I just basically | 0:49:31 | 0:49:35 | |
will say to them, that, erm, that, | 0:49:35 | 0:49:36 | |
you know, it's the best we could have hoped for | 0:49:36 | 0:49:41 | |
but just remind them that, you know, this is still the path | 0:49:41 | 0:49:45 | |
that we are on, so at the moment yeah, today is a good day. | 0:49:45 | 0:49:48 | |
Good result. | 0:49:48 | 0:49:49 | |
I always want more, though. | 0:49:49 | 0:49:51 | |
I would absolutely love one day to walk in and they go, | 0:49:51 | 0:49:53 | |
"Do you know what? We can't find anything now." | 0:49:53 | 0:49:55 | |
Since returning from Lyme Regis, Claire has also been | 0:50:10 | 0:50:13 | |
waiting for tests to discover whether her cancer has spread. | 0:50:13 | 0:50:16 | |
She's just received the results. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:20 | |
I'm in a really lucky position because, erm, first of all, | 0:50:23 | 0:50:27 | |
the checks were so quick, | 0:50:27 | 0:50:29 | |
everything happened so swiftly but, also, that | 0:50:29 | 0:50:32 | |
when they scanned the lump, they believe that it's just scar tissue, | 0:50:32 | 0:50:38 | |
which is good news. | 0:50:38 | 0:50:40 | |
Claire's news means both she and Amy Rose can make | 0:50:41 | 0:50:44 | |
plans for their future. | 0:50:44 | 0:50:45 | |
I know that we will go through tribulations in life, | 0:50:47 | 0:50:50 | |
life is full of tribulations. | 0:50:50 | 0:50:52 | |
But...we're a strong team. | 0:50:55 | 0:50:57 | |
So we'll do it together. | 0:50:59 | 0:51:00 | |
I mean, it obviously wasn't ideal for any of this to happen | 0:51:06 | 0:51:10 | |
but it's definitely changed my perspective on, like, life, | 0:51:10 | 0:51:14 | |
on memories, on future, on everything. | 0:51:14 | 0:51:18 | |
Like, you've just got to look to the future. | 0:51:18 | 0:51:21 | |
And, no matter what comes at you, you've got to get | 0:51:21 | 0:51:23 | |
to, like, the end of the race. Like, you've got to do it. | 0:51:23 | 0:51:26 | |
Oh, dear, there's a cloud coming over. | 0:51:34 | 0:51:37 | |
What? | 0:51:37 | 0:51:39 | |
It's raining? | 0:51:39 | 0:51:40 | |
No, it's not. | 0:51:40 | 0:51:41 | |
-It's snowing! -No! | 0:51:41 | 0:51:44 | |
Dawn is taking Imogen and Madeleine to a place that is special to | 0:51:44 | 0:51:47 | |
all her family - | 0:51:47 | 0:51:49 | |
Barry Island on the south coast of Wales. | 0:51:49 | 0:51:51 | |
Might be worth, Imogen, have you got your phone to hand? | 0:51:51 | 0:51:54 | |
Just check what the weather forecast is like at Barry. | 0:51:54 | 0:51:57 | |
SEAGULLS CRY | 0:52:01 | 0:52:03 | |
Going that way or that way? | 0:52:03 | 0:52:06 | |
You decide. Just remember I can't walk very far, mind. | 0:52:06 | 0:52:09 | |
Well, this is where I was brought as a child. | 0:52:09 | 0:52:11 | |
My parents bought me here every time there was any nice weather. | 0:52:11 | 0:52:16 | |
And I guess I kept it up ever since. | 0:52:16 | 0:52:19 | |
When the children were little, | 0:52:19 | 0:52:20 | |
me and their father used to bring them here. | 0:52:20 | 0:52:23 | |
Yeah, it's definitely somewhere that holds a lot of sentiment for us. | 0:52:23 | 0:52:26 | |
And what have we said about what happens after Mummy's gone? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:30 | |
Going to put your, erm, flowers like in... | 0:52:31 | 0:52:33 | |
Ashes. | 0:52:34 | 0:52:35 | |
Ashes in the...sea. | 0:52:35 | 0:52:38 | |
Over on the head point. | 0:52:38 | 0:52:40 | |
I don't really want to have a gravestone | 0:52:41 | 0:52:44 | |
because I just feel the children are quite young | 0:52:44 | 0:52:46 | |
to have to feel that they've got to keep it, erm, | 0:52:46 | 0:52:49 | |
look after it and visit it frequently | 0:52:49 | 0:52:52 | |
so what we've agreed is that that's where my ashes will be scattered. | 0:52:52 | 0:52:57 | |
So, any time they want just a quiet moment and reflect, | 0:52:57 | 0:53:00 | |
they know they can come out to the head point. | 0:53:00 | 0:53:02 | |
I remember a car pulled out, like, outside our house. | 0:53:18 | 0:53:22 | |
It was like a black limo. | 0:53:25 | 0:53:27 | |
And, like, our whole family got it in, | 0:53:27 | 0:53:29 | |
and everyone was, like, wearing suits. | 0:53:29 | 0:53:31 | |
And, erm, she was a Christian so we went to, | 0:53:33 | 0:53:36 | |
erm, er, church, erm, where she would go, like, every week. | 0:53:36 | 0:53:42 | |
And, erm, I saw like this massive wooden thing being carried. | 0:53:42 | 0:53:47 | |
And I didn't know what it was but I got told it was a coffin. | 0:53:47 | 0:53:51 | |
And I was like, "What's that?" | 0:53:51 | 0:53:53 | |
And they was like, "Oh, your mum..." Their body is in it, | 0:53:53 | 0:53:57 | |
it's what Christians do, they bury their bodies in the ground. | 0:53:57 | 0:54:01 | |
We've actually... At my house, we've got the graveyard next door. | 0:54:08 | 0:54:12 | |
Erm, he's in there, he's literally, er, | 0:54:15 | 0:54:17 | |
I'd say maybe 12 graves along. | 0:54:17 | 0:54:21 | |
And I go up there, like, out of two weeks, I'll say I go up there round | 0:54:21 | 0:54:27 | |
about maybe three, two times, | 0:54:27 | 0:54:31 | |
just, like, if I want to sit with him. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:35 | |
My dad's grave is next door, erm... | 0:54:35 | 0:54:39 | |
We, erm... | 0:54:39 | 0:54:41 | |
I try to visit it every day. | 0:54:41 | 0:54:43 | |
I do water the plants there every day. | 0:54:45 | 0:54:47 | |
Unless I can't make it or I've got back really late from a party. | 0:54:49 | 0:54:55 | |
I miss him most, erm, most when I see other dads, usually. | 0:54:57 | 0:55:04 | |
It's Dawn's birthday and the girls have a surprise for their mum. | 0:55:15 | 0:55:19 | |
What...are you doing? | 0:55:23 | 0:55:24 | |
Dawn remains hopeful that Imogen will agree to see a counsellor | 0:55:24 | 0:55:29 | |
but she's still resisting it. | 0:55:29 | 0:55:31 | |
Mum! | 0:55:33 | 0:55:34 | |
Mum, come to the kitchen! | 0:55:34 | 0:55:38 | |
-THEY SING: -# Happy birthday to you... # | 0:55:38 | 0:55:41 | |
Aw! | 0:55:41 | 0:55:43 | |
In the meantime, | 0:55:43 | 0:55:44 | |
both girls are learning to deal with their mother's battle with cancer, | 0:55:44 | 0:55:47 | |
preparing for a life after her death, to say goodbye. | 0:55:47 | 0:55:51 | |
-BOTH: -One, two, three! | 0:55:51 | 0:55:55 | |
-Did you have a go? -High five. | 0:55:55 | 0:55:57 | |
Oh, my gosh, don't leave me hanging. | 0:55:57 | 0:55:59 | |
On my birthday as well, don't leave me hanging! | 0:55:59 | 0:56:02 | |
I feel a lot different cos it's happened to me | 0:56:16 | 0:56:20 | |
and I know how it feels and people helped me when it | 0:56:20 | 0:56:23 | |
happened to me so I am going to help others if it happens to them. | 0:56:23 | 0:56:27 | |
Yeah, I do think I am a different person now. | 0:56:29 | 0:56:31 | |
I think I'm a lot more stronger than what I used to be, | 0:56:31 | 0:56:34 | |
like mentally than what I used to be before. | 0:56:34 | 0:56:38 | |
It does make me a bit more... | 0:56:38 | 0:56:41 | |
sort of tougher and face the world in a different way. | 0:56:41 | 0:56:45 | |
You can still achieve amazing things although this has | 0:56:45 | 0:56:47 | |
happened to you. Just keep going and just persevere. | 0:56:47 | 0:56:52 | |
Don't think about the bad times. | 0:56:52 | 0:56:54 | |
What's happened has happened, really. | 0:56:54 | 0:56:56 | |
There is nothing you could have done | 0:56:56 | 0:56:59 | |
but what you should do is just remember the good fun times | 0:56:59 | 0:57:02 | |
you had with them, your special person. | 0:57:02 | 0:57:05 | |
Honestly, I just live. | 0:57:07 | 0:57:08 | |
I live to remember Dad, you know. | 0:57:09 | 0:57:12 | |
As long as I'm alive, I feel like he is alive too. | 0:57:12 | 0:57:16 | |
Details of organisations offering information and support | 0:57:19 | 0:57:22 | |
with bereavement are available at bbc.co.uk/actionline. | 0:57:22 | 0:57:27 | |
Or you can call for free at any time to hear recorded information. | 0:57:27 | 0:57:30 | |
BBC Children In Need supports children affected by bereavement | 0:57:36 | 0:57:38 | |
all over the UK. | 0:57:38 | 0:57:40 | |
If you would like to make a donation | 0:57:40 | 0:57:42 | |
to help support this year's appeal... | 0:57:42 | 0:57:44 | |
Texts will cost your donation plus your standard network | 0:57:51 | 0:57:54 | |
charge, and all of your donation will go to BBC Children In Need. | 0:57:54 | 0:57:57 | |
You must be 16 or over, and please ask the bill payer's permission. | 0:57:57 | 0:58:00 | |
For full terms, more information, | 0:58:00 | 0:58:02 | |
or to donate online, visit bbc.co.uk/pudsey. | 0:58:02 | 0:58:06 |