The Good Father A Century of Fatherhood


The Good Father

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Becoming a father is one of the most important events in a man's life,

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and the relationship he has with his child will shape both of their lives

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for years to come.

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Until relatively recently,

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very few historical or academic studies have explored

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this crucial relationship and its impact on family life.

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For too long, negative stereotypes of the father have persisted.

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But now, in this three-part series,

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we bring together personal testimony and expert opinion

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to help us set the record straight.

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The image that we have of fathers in the past is absolutely totally,

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totally wrong. If you actually look at dads in the past,

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the vast majority are loving, warm, fathers.

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Beginning at the turn of the 20th Century,

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this series will examine the social changes that affected dads

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in the hundred years that followed.

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We will show that despite the tragedy of two world wars,

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the privations of economic hardship

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and the upheaval of the sexual revolution,

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most dads have always striven to do their best for their children -

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as provider, protector, teacher and playmate.

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He always gave us a big hug and big kisses,

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and tell you to grow up a big girl and be a good girl.

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Oh, I loved my father deeply.

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I just wanted to be in his company as much as possible.

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In this first programme,

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we journey back in time as far as living memory will allow,

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and hear from the children of Edwardian fathers

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and from dads who raised families in the inter-war years.

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There are many negative images of fathers from this period,

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but these are largely exaggerated or inaccurate.

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I think why I was so fond of my father

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was because I always felt very strongly that he liked me.

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That I was a real person who he liked.

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These are tales of struggle and sacrifice,

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of tenderness, redemption - and above all,

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the enduring love that bonds father and child.

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This is the extraordinary story of...

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One of the most enduring stereotypes we have of the father from the past

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is of the distant, uncaring patriarch

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who expected his children to be seen and not heard.

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Come here, Florence.

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What is the child afraid of? Come here, Florence.

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But this image is, for the most part,

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a myth - a creation of literature, propaganda and historical studies

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which have focussed almost exclusively on the mother.

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Do you know who I am?

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Yes, Papa.

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And have you nothing to say to me?

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Say "good night", miss.

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Good night, Papa.

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Good night, Florence.

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Enough.

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Go to Richard's now.

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One of the first academics to challenge the negative stereotype

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of the father from the past was Professor Joanna Bourke.

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We have this idea that fathers in the past

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were these rather stern patriarchal figures

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who sort of bossed everyone around -

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bossed the children around, you know, did corporal punishment,

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bossed the wife around - and rather tyrannical type figures.

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Those images, I think, really do need to be broken down.

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When I started to look at fathers in the past,

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one of the things that immediately jumped out at me was,

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"Hang on here. This sort of negative image of fathers

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"simply can't be true. I mean, I have a great dad."

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And in fact, all the people I know

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have fantastically warm, loving fathers, who are obviously...

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My dad, for example, had to juggle lots of things -

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he was a medically missionary, he worked very, very, very hard.

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But, you know, he was always a hands-on dad.

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He was always loving and affectionate.

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And I think that that was one of the reasons why I thought,

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"Well, is the stereotype... Is that true?"

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At the beginning of the 20th Century,

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the social landscape of Britain was very different

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from what it is today,

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with around 80% of the population considered to be working class.

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Focusing her research on this section of British society,

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Professor Bourke set out to uncover the truth.

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Her findings,

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drawn from oral histories and autobiographies, were surprising.

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When I looked back in the archives and actually looked at ordinary dads,

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of the 250 working-class autobiographies

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that I used in my work,

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for every one who said that their dad did not do childcare,

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14 explicitly stated that he did.

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This was an era when fathers often worked long hours

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in dangerous conditions to earn what was called the family wage,

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and mothers were expected to stay at home with the children.

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It was a division of labour that would remain intact

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in peacetime Britain for the next 40 years.

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But although he was away from the family home,

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the father's main responsibility was to his children.

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In Edwardian Britain,

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we think very much of fathers being absent from family life

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and they're absent because they're in work, being providers.

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However, historians have tended to think this means that

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fathers aren't intimate in family life in any way -

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but in childhood memories of their dads,

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children actually constitute Father's absence

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as evidence of his presence in family life,

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because Father's away working for his children, for his family.

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We see lots of images of men leaving, in their hundreds,

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the mills, the factories, the mines -

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often very dirty, often very weary -

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and we tend to leave them at the factory gates.

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But if you read childhood memories,

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children anticipate Father's return home with real excitement.

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They know that Father has been away all day, working for them.

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But again, what we don't think about

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is fathers who've worked a very long day - often very, very tired -

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being truly excited to return home

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and to have their children greet them.

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But men can't resist their children.

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They love that tactile involvement with children

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and are delighted to be welcomed home with such excitement.

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One of four children,

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Lily Barron was born in the Welsh mining town of Blackwood in 1912.

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That is myself - Lily -

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and that's Daddy.

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The most important man in my life.

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He really was, and I loved every inch of him.

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I think we were the...

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apple of his eye, really.

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He really did - he...

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I think he worshipped us.

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With a young family to keep, Lily's father worked hard -

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but like most dads, he made sure there were treats, too,

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like a trip to the seaside.

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On one day out, Lily was paddling in the sea,

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when she was knocked over by a wave.

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We didn't have bathers in those times.

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perhaps I had a petticoat and a pair of knickers on

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and that was it, you know.

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So I had to go off and be stripped off

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and Daddy carried me up the beach - cos I was crying -

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and got me undressed and put me on the...

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put the clothes on the rocks to dry.

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But Daddy never grumbled.

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He never... I never remember him grumbling at us.

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And we were naughty sometimes, I'll tell you.

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This image of the gentle Edwardian working-class father

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is at odds with contemporary reformist propaganda,

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which often portrayed Dad as a brutal drunk.

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Whilst it's true that some men liked to drink, and a few drank to excess,

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the idea that many drunken fathers

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regularly abused their wives and children is a myth.

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These negative stereotypes

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are perpetuated by very particular groups in society,

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so not surprisingly, one of the key groups that sort of,

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er, perpetuates the stereotype is temperance reformers.

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By the early 1900s, the temperance movement,

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which advocated teetotalism, was flourishing in Britain

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and social reform groups like the Band of Hope

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were spreading the word against the perils of alcohol

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and its effect upon the working-class family.

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As a direct result,

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three million signed the pledge in support of abstinence.

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Yet the myth of the brutal, drunken father persisted.

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One of the reasons I think they are so keen

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to promote this negative image of working-class fathers is that

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it justifies their own position within working-class communities.

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For temperance societies to justify their existence,

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they have to have a folk devil to target,

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and it is the working-class man.

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Of course, it wasn't only Edwardian working-class children

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who had close relationships with their fathers.

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One of seven children, Phyllis Ing was born in London,

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where her father was a solicitor's managing clerk.

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I'll never, ever forget my father.

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He was so kind and loving.

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A man you could snuggle up to.

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He was like a cuddly teddy bear.

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SHE LAUGHS

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During the week, Phyllis's father spent long hours at work,

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so at the weekend, there was nothing he enjoyed more

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than playing with his children.

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It was a far cry from the "seen and not heard" childhood

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of popular mythology.

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We used to have lots of fun with Dad.

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He was a real funny man.

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And on Friday night - always on a Friday -

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he used to come home with his pocket full of sweets for us.

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We used to play chases round the garden

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and we'd be shrieking with laughter and that sort of thing.

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Even the neighbours used to enjoy listening to us laughing.

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Mother said the weekends, it was terrible -

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the noise we used to make with Dad and that.

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She used to be glad when he went to work.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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Perhaps the single most significant event to affect fathers

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in the first part of the 20th Century was the First World War.

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As war fever spread across the country in August 1914,

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hundreds of thousands of men took up arms

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in the name of duty and patriotism.

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But as the threat from Germany grew stronger, it wasn't only

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the young and reckless that took the King's shilling.

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In 1914, you get this enormous rush to the colours.

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In the first instance, young men - unemployed, disaffected,

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keen on a sense of adventure.

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What you get then is a second rush of older men -

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of fathers who've wanted to make sure everything was OK at home,

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wanted to make sure the government was going to pay proper allowances

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to their families when they went to fight.

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These men were motivated, of course, by a sort of sense of patriotism

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and of duty, but it was more parochial than that.

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They had read the newspapers,

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they'd seen evidence that Germany threatened not France and Belgium,

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but threatened England itself,

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and it was their job to stop the Germans overseas

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before they came and stood on their own front door.

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Lily Barron's father was one of those who volunteered to fight

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at the beginning of the war,

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and was posted to the South Wales Borderers as a Lewis gunner.

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With the expectation that they would help achieve a swift victory,

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the fathers who left for France

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could scarcely have imagined the horrors that awaited them.

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But as the weeks turned to months,

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and the casualty lists grew ever longer,

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it's not surprising that their thoughts turned regularly

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to their wives and children back home.

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At the beginning of the war,

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the Army Postal Service was handling some 650,000 letters per week.

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By 1916, that figure had increased to 11 million.

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Many of these letters and postcards survive to this day,

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and have provided historians with a rich source of material evidence,

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which show that although far away, fathers still took a great interest

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in the daily lives of their children.

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PROFESSOR BOURKE: One of the things I always loved

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when I was reading the letters and diaries of working-class men

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is the great, great pride they take in their children.

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They take great, great pleasure in, you know,

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what their child is doing

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and you get these letters

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sent from fathers in the front lines actually complaining and saying,

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"Please! Can you tell me what little Sue is doing?",

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and "How is Johnny?",

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and "Lots and lots of kisses",

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and drawing images for their children.

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So children - infants in particular -

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are something that fathers were increasingly concerned about.

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They took great pride in it.

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# Take me back to dear old Blighty

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# Put me on the train for London town... #

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Perhaps more importantly, the legacy of this correspondence

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would be to change both the private and public perception

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of a father's feelings towards his children.

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When those men came back from the front lines,

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they were faced with children who actually knew -

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they had material evidence - that yeah, Daddy loves you,

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Daddy wants to kiss you, Daddy wants to cuddle you,

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Daddy will look after you when he comes back home.

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Although letters enabled fathers and their children to keep in touch,

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more important were the rare days

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that dads could spend at home on leave.

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For battle-weary soldiers,

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a few days respite, spent in the company of their sons and daughters,

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must have seemed like paradise.

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Lily Barron is returning to her old home town of Blackwood

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in South Wales.

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It was there that she was reunited with her father

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for the first time in three years,

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when he came home on leave in 1917.

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We were in school, my brother and I,

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and when we got home, we had such a surprise - Daddy was there.

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And oh, we were all over him then, you know.

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He hugged the pair of us in both his arms, around the both of us,

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and was kissing us, and then he'd rub Wyndham's hair like this

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and, oh, he just was...

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I don't know. I think he was excited to see that we'd grown a bit.

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We really didn't want to know about the war.

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All we cared about was our father coming back

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and we wanted to keep him there, but...it wasn't.

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Wasn't able to.

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Lily's father spent little more than a week at home,

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but arranged to have this photograph taken as a keepsake.

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The following day he had to say goodbye to his family again -

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this time with the full knowledge of just what awaited him in France.

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On the morning that these fathers would have left home,

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they would have kissed their wives goodbye, hugged their wives,

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hugged their children, got their kit, walked to the gate,

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Then they were going. They knew what they were going back into.

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They'd been wounded once or were back on leave.

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They understood the nature of the Western Front

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what happened to an infantry battalion

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when it went over the top,

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and that moment when they leave their family for that last time,

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they give their child that final kiss,

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their wives their final hugs.

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Can you imagine what that moment must have been like?

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As a father, I can get a sense of,

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you know, being away for a week and missing my son,

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but at least I have the prospect of coming back and seeing him.

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For these men, they had every prospect

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of never seeing their family again.

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The children that they'd read bedtime stories to,

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taken to the playground, taken to church.

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And all of a sudden,

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an arbitrary shell or bullet was going to end all that.

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Lily's father, John Jones, was killed in November 1917.

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His body lay undiscovered for nearly six months.

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Regimental diaries reveal that he was shot in the thigh,

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and left behind as his regiment retreated.

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A copy of the family photograph was found on his body.

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The family struggled after his death,

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and Lily was sent to live with an aunt in Herefordshire.

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She never lived at home in Blackwood again.

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But today, she has returned to the town

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and the war memorial where her father's sacrifice is remembered.

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Well, I still think, you know, when they all had to retreat

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and Daddy was left there alone,

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what were his thoughts?

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I'm sure he was thinking about us all, you know.

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He was lovely. Yes, he was.

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It is estimated that 250,000 British fathers

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were killed in the First World War,

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and their loss left a hole in family life

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that would last for generations.

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But that is only part of the story.

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Propaganda films like this one

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portrayed a happy homecoming for fathers lucky enough to survive.

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# Keep the home fires burning... #

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But this too was a myth.

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In reality, countless numbers of fathers

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found it difficult to settle back into family life

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after the horrors of war.

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And for these men seeing their families again, it was...

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It was a very, very difficult experience because all of a sudden,

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they'd seen things that no man should ever see and it...

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They would thrash around at night, they would have nightmares in bed,

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the children would now be not quite sure - who was this man?

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Maybe they were too young to remember him pre-war.

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Maybe even if they could,

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he's now not the father that they could recall.

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So all of a sudden, you've got this moment when you should have

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this elation of family reuniting again but very, very quickly,

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that broke up as people began to say,

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"You're not really my daddy that I remember,"

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or, "Daddy's angry, Daddy's violent, Daddy can't get a job,

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"Daddy can't look after the family." Equally, Daddy himself is thinking,

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"I can't look after my... I can't do well by my family,

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"I can't maintain the household. I've got these wounds,

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"I've got these mental agonies that I'm going through

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"and I've got nobody to help me."

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Alec Haines was one of those

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whose family suffered in the aftermath of the war.

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He was born in the village of Holme Lacy in the Wye Valley in 1920

0:20:510:20:55

and has come back in search of the place where he lived with his father

0:20:550:20:59

over 80 years ago.

0:20:590:21:01

Alec's father was gassed and shot in the war

0:21:030:21:07

and for a time, his injuries prevented him from working.

0:21:070:21:11

He soon began to find comfort in drink.

0:21:110:21:14

Like millions of soldiers in the First World War, came home,

0:21:160:21:20

their lives had been shattered and so had my poor father.

0:21:200:21:25

There was no work available

0:21:250:21:28

and he could not work,

0:21:280:21:30

but eventually, he did go out to farms

0:21:300:21:34

and help in the hay and the corn

0:21:340:21:35

and pulling up beet and all this sort of thing.

0:21:350:21:39

And he took to drinking home-made cider

0:21:400:21:45

and that's what he had at that farm,

0:21:450:21:47

and subsequently, wherever he could get it.

0:21:470:21:51

When Alec was five, his mother died,

0:21:520:21:56

shortly after giving birth to his youngest brother.

0:21:560:22:00

The family were evicted from their cottage

0:22:000:22:02

and the youngest children were sent away

0:22:020:22:05

to be looked after by relatives,

0:22:050:22:08

but Alec and his dad stayed together.

0:22:080:22:10

Somebody gave my father an old First World War bell tent

0:22:120:22:17

and we two stayed in there

0:22:170:22:20

and we were on some ground on a farm.

0:22:200:22:24

That's where it would be - up there,

0:22:250:22:28

but that don't matter, as long as we get on a green patch, do it?

0:22:280:22:33

Here's the style, here.

0:22:330:22:36

Bloody hell. "Heads down, Alec -

0:22:360:22:40

"woodpeckers about."

0:22:400:22:41

Now we're right.

0:22:480:22:50

While Alec went to school,

0:22:550:22:57

his dad laboured several miles away in return for cider and food.

0:22:570:23:02

They supplemented their diet with fresh eggs collected from birds

0:23:020:23:05

that nested in a nearby bank,

0:23:050:23:08

and bread and jam made by the farmer's wife.

0:23:080:23:11

After a brief search, Alec found his old home.

0:23:140:23:18

He hasn't been back to this spot since 1925.

0:23:180:23:23

This is it.

0:23:250:23:27

Yeah.

0:23:290:23:31

That's it.

0:23:310:23:32

It was here, in this field, that Alec and his dad lived

0:23:340:23:39

for nearly six months,

0:23:390:23:40

until the onset of winter forced them to leave.

0:23:400:23:43

Unable to cope, Alec's dad had to find an alternative.

0:23:470:23:51

In desperation,

0:23:510:23:53

he decided to send his three oldest children to Muller's Homes,

0:23:530:23:57

a large orphanage in Bristol.

0:23:570:23:59

The homes operated a strict system of segregation,

0:24:020:24:06

and after a tearful last goodbye, the children were separated.

0:24:060:24:10

Quickly indoctrinated into a daily routine of prayer,

0:24:100:24:13

hard work and cleanliness, Alec and his brother and sister

0:24:130:24:17

were only allowed to see one another for one hour a month.

0:24:170:24:22

All the time I was in Muller's Homes,

0:24:250:24:28

I... I always thought,

0:24:280:24:30

one day my poor dad will come down

0:24:300:24:34

and rescue us from this terrible conditions we were in.

0:24:340:24:40

And of course the time came -

0:24:420:24:45

quite unexpected for me - when a master came in.

0:24:450:24:51

He said, "I've just had a message.

0:24:510:24:53

"Your father's died."

0:24:530:24:55

I think I must have taken a deep breath.

0:24:580:25:02

He did no more than turn round

0:25:020:25:04

and go back to where he was with his hands - I can see it now -

0:25:040:25:08

with his hands behind his back.

0:25:080:25:10

He didn't know how it would affect me

0:25:100:25:13

and it suddenly dawned on me,

0:25:130:25:17

"Not my poor dad."

0:25:170:25:18

And I fell down on the matting and with that,

0:25:180:25:21

10 or 12 boys rushed to me and consoled me,

0:25:210:25:25

and of course, I was just crying and crying.

0:25:250:25:30

Terrible.

0:25:310:25:33

I'd lost everything.

0:25:330:25:35

Alec remained in Muller's Homes until he was 14.

0:25:440:25:48

He had no idea what had happened to his father

0:25:480:25:50

until after the Second World War,

0:25:500:25:53

when he discovered that he was buried here,

0:25:530:25:55

not far from where they used to live.

0:25:550:25:57

To my disgust - it hit me terrible -

0:25:590:26:04

he was buried in a pauper's grave.

0:26:040:26:07

After all that, for this country -

0:26:070:26:10

wounded and gassed, came back to England,

0:26:100:26:15

could not work,

0:26:150:26:17

brought up a family -

0:26:170:26:20

and then died and was buried in a pauper's grave.

0:26:200:26:24

Yeah, in a pauper's grave.

0:26:310:26:34

During the inter-war years,

0:26:440:26:45

a new spirit of optimism gradually began to spread across the country.

0:26:450:26:49

After a government promise to provide homes fit for heroes,

0:26:490:26:52

the Housing Act of 1919 led to the development of new council housing

0:26:520:26:57

on modern cottage estates.

0:26:570:27:00

And further legislation, passed in 1930,

0:27:000:27:02

paved the way for the demolition of the old slum areas.

0:27:020:27:07

Families soon began to leave the inner cities

0:27:070:27:13

for a fresh start in the suburbs and by the end of the decade,

0:27:130:27:16

one family in three lived in an inter-war-built house.

0:27:160:27:20

This was a golden age for the new suburban father -

0:27:220:27:26

one where he could enjoy simple pleasures with his children

0:27:260:27:29

in a clean and safe environment,

0:27:290:27:31

and where his role as a provider could be fully realised.

0:27:310:27:35

The council estates and the suburbs of the inter-war years -

0:27:350:27:40

very, very different to living in the inner cities.

0:27:400:27:44

They were built not with pubs, but with gardens.

0:27:440:27:49

They were built a long distance from your work,

0:27:490:27:52

so there was a... You know, you had to travel from work to the home,

0:27:520:27:57

so home became a separate sphere, if you like.

0:27:570:28:00

The small nuclear family-type idea

0:28:000:28:04

really, really grew in importance.

0:28:040:28:06

Birth rates, which had been falling in the early part of the century,

0:28:140:28:17

temporarily increased after the First World War.

0:28:170:28:21

Yet for most men,

0:28:210:28:23

childbirth remained a mysterious and frightening event,

0:28:230:28:26

an experience from which they were often excluded.

0:28:260:28:30

But nothing could overshadow the sheer joy

0:28:300:28:32

of becoming a father for the first time.

0:28:320:28:35

Alfred Jenkins became a father in the 1920s.

0:28:380:28:42

It was a very, er, terrifying experience for me,

0:28:430:28:47

because I could hear my wife upstairs

0:28:470:28:49

groaning with the pain

0:28:490:28:51

and, er, I could hear the nurse encouraging her,

0:28:510:28:55

and to be quite candid, very, very upsetting to me.

0:28:550:29:00

Although I wasn't going through the pain,

0:29:030:29:06

I must have been having sympathy pains,

0:29:060:29:09

because, er...

0:29:090:29:10

I'm told that I fainted at the bottom of the stairs.

0:29:100:29:14

When I recovered,

0:29:160:29:18

I remember being presented with this lovely little baby.

0:29:180:29:21

And I remember the feeling of elation, first of all,

0:29:230:29:28

that my wife - according to the reports I received - was well,

0:29:280:29:34

the child was well,

0:29:340:29:36

and there I was, holding my own baby in my arms.

0:29:360:29:43

And it was a wonderful moment.

0:29:430:29:46

But although new dads enjoyed spending time at home

0:29:480:29:51

with their young children,

0:29:510:29:53

most baby care remained the duty of the mother.

0:29:530:29:56

Many men were reluctant to get involved

0:29:560:29:59

with the hands-on responsibility of caring for their baby -

0:29:590:30:03

particularly those who worked in a masculine environment, like Alfred.

0:30:030:30:08

When I got home from work most days,

0:30:080:30:11

I helped with the children quite a lot.

0:30:110:30:13

There was no question of my changing their nappies

0:30:140:30:17

or bathing them or anything of that kind.

0:30:170:30:20

The general picture was that men didn't do these things.

0:30:200:30:24

That was the general way of life.

0:30:240:30:27

It was women's work, men's work.

0:30:270:30:30

And if a man did it, he was...

0:30:300:30:32

I'm not saying he was baited all the time, but he...

0:30:320:30:36

he'd lost a bit of his manliness in the eyes of other men by doing it.

0:30:360:30:41

I would nurse them in the house,

0:30:430:30:46

but the wife would always push the pram, like, see.

0:30:460:30:48

If I went - I wouldn't go to push it in any case -

0:30:480:30:51

but if a man did go to push it,

0:30:510:30:54

the wife wouldn't accept it.

0:30:540:30:56

See, that would...

0:30:560:30:59

She wouldn't accept it. It would appear as if she was,

0:30:590:31:03

what we called in those days, hen-pecking a man.

0:31:030:31:06

Fathers like Alfred were perhaps reluctant

0:31:110:31:13

to take a hands-on approach because most were never shown how to do it.

0:31:130:31:18

In the first decades of the 20th Century,

0:31:180:31:21

welfare agencies and health visitors were on hand to offer instruction

0:31:210:31:25

in the basics of parenting,

0:31:250:31:26

but their services were provided almost exclusively to the mother.

0:31:260:31:31

-DR STRANGE:

-You have milk depots, training classes,

0:31:340:31:38

health and welfare visitors who come to the working-class home,

0:31:380:31:41

all aimed at the mother and teaching the mother to be a better parent.

0:31:410:31:46

Fathers are completely -

0:31:460:31:47

actively and deliberately -

0:31:470:31:50

excluded from this movement.

0:31:500:31:53

But all that was to change,

0:31:550:31:58

with the creation of a new movement in parenting

0:31:580:32:00

that would last into the 1940s.

0:32:000:32:03

It was called Fathercraft.

0:32:030:32:06

Well, the Fathercraft movement has, until recently,

0:32:060:32:11

been completely lost to history.

0:32:110:32:13

It started in London in 1920,

0:32:130:32:16

at the Lancaster Road infant welfare centre in Kensington.

0:32:160:32:20

And there were some male doctors who started it,

0:32:200:32:22

and they thought it was very important to draw fathers in

0:32:220:32:25

to the care of infants and young children.

0:32:250:32:28

And the movement quickly spread

0:32:300:32:32

and soon, there were centres in Bristol, in Birmingham,

0:32:320:32:36

in Glasgow, in Liverpool.

0:32:360:32:37

It sprang from developments in child psychology

0:32:380:32:42

which had begun to recognise the important role played by fathers

0:32:420:32:46

and to understand that when the bond between the father and the child

0:32:460:32:50

was fostered very early on, that it was strongest.

0:32:500:32:52

This was an absolute turning point.

0:32:520:32:56

it was a turning point in the history of modern fatherhood -

0:32:560:33:00

the first time that fathers' roles

0:33:000:33:03

were really recognised by members of the health profession.

0:33:030:33:07

Although there were many dads still to be converted

0:33:100:33:13

to the joys of childcare, those that took the plunge often enjoyed it.

0:33:130:33:17

Tom Atkins moved to London from India in the 1930s

0:33:200:33:24

and in the space of the next few years,

0:33:240:33:26

met a girl, got married, and became the proud father of a baby daughter.

0:33:260:33:31

And from the start, he took the kind of hands-on approach to fatherhood

0:33:310:33:35

that would have made the instructors at Fathercraft classes very proud.

0:33:350:33:39

Well, I remember changing nappies. In those days, it wasn't these...

0:33:410:33:45

These little things with the press button at the side

0:33:450:33:48

which you took off and threw away.

0:33:480:33:50

These were the towelling sort of thing,

0:33:500:33:54

which you put on and you pinned them at both sides.

0:33:540:33:58

There was a special way of putting them on.

0:33:580:34:02

It was smelly, and you just folded it up

0:34:020:34:06

and put it in a bucket of water. Salty water, I think it was.

0:34:060:34:10

Yes, I did that. I did that for her.

0:34:110:34:13

It's always been the hope of every new father

0:34:170:34:20

that their child succeeds in life,

0:34:200:34:22

and even betters their own achievements.

0:34:220:34:25

In the inter-war years,

0:34:250:34:27

as new babies grew into young children,

0:34:270:34:29

many fathers willingly took on one of their most important roles -

0:34:290:34:33

that of educator.

0:34:330:34:35

This was particularly true in working class communities,

0:34:350:34:39

which often had a strong autodidactic tradition -

0:34:390:34:42

one which encouraged home education and self learning.

0:34:420:34:46

Rather than the cliche of spending hours in the pub,

0:34:480:34:51

many fathers would prefer to be at home, schooling their children.

0:34:510:34:55

There's been this widespread assumption

0:34:550:34:58

that working-class fathers haven't been interested

0:34:580:35:00

in their children's education.

0:35:000:35:02

In fact, historical records have debunked this myth.

0:35:020:35:06

It's perfectly clear that working-class dads -

0:35:060:35:09

especially more highly skilled workers, such as miners -

0:35:090:35:12

were very interested in their children's education.

0:35:120:35:14

There was a strong tradition of self education -

0:35:160:35:19

miners' institutes, libraries, working men's educational groups -

0:35:190:35:23

and it was these fathers' greatest joy

0:35:230:35:26

to pass on their learning to their children.

0:35:260:35:29

And for some of them, it was their greatest dream that their sons

0:35:290:35:33

would be able to escape this hard life in the pits,

0:35:330:35:36

risking their lives every day,

0:35:360:35:38

by being able to go on to finer things.

0:35:380:35:41

And so they transmitted their knowledge

0:35:410:35:43

not just for the love of knowledge,

0:35:430:35:45

but how it could help their children in the future.

0:35:450:35:48

George Short, a miner from County Durham,

0:35:520:35:55

brought up three children in the 1920s and '30s.

0:35:550:35:58

Well, I taught my children, first of all,

0:36:020:36:05

the importance of education

0:36:050:36:07

and taught them, as I had been taught,

0:36:070:36:11

how to read and how to write.

0:36:110:36:14

I thought it was important because

0:36:160:36:19

reading books, as I explained to them,

0:36:190:36:23

they weren't just living on their own personal experiences -

0:36:230:36:28

or even on my experiences -

0:36:280:36:30

but books reflected the experiences of other people

0:36:300:36:35

and because of this,

0:36:350:36:37

books would give them a wider outlook on life.

0:36:370:36:42

George's choice of books for his children

0:36:430:36:47

was aimed at widening their understanding of the world,

0:36:470:36:50

and its pleasures and problems.

0:36:500:36:52

When they got to about eight or nine,

0:36:520:36:55

Shakespeare, Jack London,

0:36:550:37:00

and Dickens. I was, er...

0:37:000:37:04

I always liked Dickens, even when I was younger myself,

0:37:040:37:08

because I always thought the stories of Dickens

0:37:080:37:12

were such that they were very easy to read

0:37:120:37:17

and those that was on the side of the poor people,

0:37:170:37:23

in Dickens's books, always came out on top.

0:37:230:37:29

By contrast, children of the upper classes were often sent away

0:37:320:37:36

to be educated at public schools,

0:37:360:37:38

although some younger children - particularly girls -

0:37:380:37:42

were taught at home by a governess.

0:37:420:37:44

But despite the fact that upper-class fathers might not be

0:37:440:37:47

so involved with their child's day-to-day education,

0:37:470:37:51

some were inspirational figures,

0:37:510:37:53

who taught their children more than scholars ever could.

0:37:530:37:57

In the days of Empire, many fathers lived and worked overseas,

0:37:570:38:02

while a lucky few travelled simply for pleasure.

0:38:020:38:05

The middle daughter of seven girls,

0:38:070:38:10

Dick Worcester was born in the New Forest in 1920.

0:38:100:38:14

Her father, Tom Longstaff, was a qualified medical doctor,

0:38:140:38:19

although he never practised.

0:38:190:38:21

Instead, family wealth allowed him to follow

0:38:210:38:24

his love of mountaineering and exploration.

0:38:240:38:27

It was an age when climbing at altitude was a dangerous pastime,

0:38:270:38:31

but Tom Longstaff had a passion for life, and for living.

0:38:310:38:36

Don't be put off because a thing's dangerous -

0:38:370:38:41

or supposed to be dangerous, or looks dangerous.

0:38:410:38:46

What's the good of your life if you're not willing to chance it?

0:38:460:38:51

His adventurous spirit had a marked effect on Dick from an early age,

0:38:530:38:57

first becoming apparent when she decided

0:38:570:39:00

she no longer wanted to be known by her original name, Barbara.

0:39:000:39:04

I didn't like my name Barbara, I didn't like being a girl.

0:39:040:39:07

I wanted to be a boy. Of course, I could then travel

0:39:070:39:10

and explore and do things like my father.

0:39:100:39:13

On the whole, there were no women climbing mountains and exploring

0:39:130:39:18

that I knew about.

0:39:180:39:19

I thought if I was a boy, I could.

0:39:190:39:22

Among his many achievements,

0:39:250:39:26

Dick's father climbed with George Mallory and Sandy Irvine

0:39:260:39:30

on their 1922 expedition to Everest.

0:39:300:39:34

It was just one of the exotic and far-away places

0:39:340:39:37

to which he travelled during his lifetime.

0:39:370:39:40

Although her father could be overseas for months at a time,

0:39:400:39:44

the moments they spent at home together

0:39:440:39:46

were always special for Dick.

0:39:460:39:48

Her favourite treat was to be invited into his study,

0:39:480:39:52

an almost sacred place,

0:39:520:39:54

which she would hardly dare enter without his express permission.

0:39:540:39:58

For an inquisitive child,

0:39:580:39:59

it was a place of great wonder and fascination.

0:39:590:40:03

Almost everything in the study was from a foreign country.

0:40:050:40:09

On the back of the sofa, there was a snow leopard skin.

0:40:090:40:13

He'd shot the snow leopard, but there were many in those days.

0:40:130:40:16

And over the side, Tibetan saddlebags,

0:40:160:40:20

and there was a strong smell of pipe smoke and tobacco.

0:40:200:40:24

I loved lifting the lid of his tobacco jar and smelling it.

0:40:240:40:27

And there was a narwhal's tusk, and there was a walrus tusk

0:40:270:40:32

etched onto it by Eskimos.

0:40:320:40:35

Little scenes of Eskimo life.

0:40:350:40:37

And heaps and heaps of books,

0:40:370:40:40

and I was allowed to take out ones I wanted to.

0:40:400:40:44

Despite his frequent absence,

0:40:450:40:47

Dick has fond memories of her father

0:40:470:40:50

and his playful, often relaxed, approach to parenting.

0:40:500:40:54

Well, the first thing I can remember about my father was going along

0:40:550:40:59

a long passage - it seemed very long to me -

0:40:590:41:01

from the nursery to my parents' bedroom and getting into their bed,

0:41:010:41:06

with them, where they were having morning tea

0:41:060:41:09

and I loved drinking cold dregs out of willow pattern mugs.

0:41:090:41:13

And my father used to want to play -

0:41:130:41:16

to be a fox hidden under the bedclothes

0:41:160:41:19

and then springing out at me,

0:41:190:41:21

and he had a big red bushy moustache.

0:41:210:41:23

He didn't have a beard in those days, but he did later,

0:41:230:41:26

and I enjoyed it very much, and he loved doing it.

0:41:260:41:31

I did feel that my father loved me, although he was very undemonstrative.

0:41:360:41:40

But I did feel that strongly.

0:41:400:41:44

He seemed to understand an awful lot about me without saying much.

0:41:440:41:47

But I can't remember any discipline from my father,

0:41:470:41:51

except he hated us playing the gramophone.

0:41:510:41:54

We used to play the gramophone and roller skate in a big room he built

0:41:540:41:57

and he could hear the music from his study windows

0:41:570:42:01

and he used to come and firmly shut the windows in our room.

0:42:010:42:06

We realised he was displeased, but he wasn't cross.

0:42:060:42:09

Inspired by her father's adventures,

0:42:130:42:15

Dick has always loved foreign travel.

0:42:150:42:17

And one place has meant more to her then any other.

0:42:170:42:20

I went to Nepal when I was 70

0:42:220:42:26

and then four years later, when I must have been 74,

0:42:260:42:28

and I loved it.

0:42:280:42:30

Being high up made me feel strongly connected with my father,

0:42:310:42:35

which was a very, very nice feeling. Very nice.

0:42:350:42:39

I knew he must have loved the same sort of country,

0:42:390:42:42

though of course, he went much, much higher up.

0:42:420:42:45

One of the best experiences of my life, being there.

0:42:450:42:48

Who put that picture there?

0:42:520:42:55

Dick's experience of a having father who was reluctant

0:42:550:42:57

to discipline his children is not unusual,

0:42:570:43:01

but it contradicts an enduring stereotype - the violent father.

0:43:010:43:06

Whilst it's true that some men did use corporal punishment

0:43:060:43:09

against their children, the image of the brutal disciplinarian,

0:43:090:43:13

popular in contemporary films and novels, is largely inaccurate.

0:43:130:43:17

Daddy.

0:43:170:43:18

You'll hit me too hard, Daddy, and they'll hang you.

0:43:180:43:21

I'll learn you.

0:43:210:43:23

They'll hang you, Daddy. Don't do, Daddy.

0:43:230:43:27

-I'll learn you.

-Look...

0:43:270:43:29

You dare turn my picture to the wall. Your own dad...

0:43:330:43:36

Most fathers disliked punishing their children,

0:43:360:43:39

and their involvement in discipline was often seen as a last resort.

0:43:390:43:42

You good-for-nothing little madam. I'll learn you.

0:43:420:43:45

PROFESSOR BOURKE: If we look, for example,

0:43:450:43:48

at the role of discipline within the home,

0:43:480:43:50

what becomes very, very clear

0:43:500:43:53

is that it really was - it remained -

0:43:530:43:55

the mother's job to discipline the children.

0:43:550:43:58

The mother was responsible

0:43:580:44:00

for the day-to-day disciplining,

0:44:000:44:03

controlling, ensuring that everything went, if you like, according to plan.

0:44:030:44:08

Evidence of dads' reluctance to discipline their children

0:44:110:44:14

is supported by the observations of many social commentators,

0:44:140:44:19

and in particular, a district nurse turned author called Margaret Loane,

0:44:190:44:23

who wrote about her experiences in working-class households in London.

0:44:230:44:28

And Margaret Loane says that

0:44:280:44:30

a lot of mothers' discipline

0:44:300:44:32

is actually undermined by indulgent fathers

0:44:320:44:35

who are so pleased to see their children, they don't want to be

0:44:350:44:39

the one who has to use their special time with their children

0:44:390:44:44

to be disciplining them.

0:44:440:44:46

Margaret Loane also comments that

0:44:460:44:49

one of the reasons mothers use "wait till your father gets home"

0:44:490:44:53

as a threat is because children desperately don't want

0:44:530:44:58

to disappoint their dads and so, actually,

0:44:580:45:02

the "wait till your father get home" threat is quite an empty threat.

0:45:020:45:08

It's very useful because children don't want Father to know -

0:45:080:45:11

not because they're frightened he's going to beat them,

0:45:110:45:14

but because they don't want to disappoint him.

0:45:140:45:16

Of course, there were exceptions.

0:45:180:45:20

In fact, middle-class dads, even loving ones,

0:45:200:45:24

were the most likely to use harsh methods of discipline.

0:45:240:45:27

Phyllis Ing's father loved playing with his children,

0:45:290:45:32

but was prepared to use corporal punishment

0:45:320:45:34

when he felt it was necessary.

0:45:340:45:36

I know that he was a very loving, kind father,

0:45:370:45:41

but very strict.

0:45:410:45:42

I mean, I can remember there was always a cane hanging up

0:45:420:45:45

in the larder.

0:45:450:45:47

But never on the girls.

0:45:470:45:49

I think he occasionally gave the two elder boys

0:45:490:45:52

a tap on the backside now and again.

0:45:520:45:54

Like when my brother - eldest brother - went to the cup...

0:45:550:46:00

He had a very sweet tooth, which he'd had all his life.

0:46:000:46:02

Anyway, he went to the cupboard and he saw a tin of condensed milk open

0:46:020:46:07

so he got a spoon and he dipped it in

0:46:070:46:10

and he, filled... Had a whole spoonful of condensed milk

0:46:100:46:14

and then he took the spoon to the scullery to put in the sink.

0:46:140:46:19

But it also dripped all the way along the floor,

0:46:190:46:23

not knowing he'd done that.

0:46:230:46:25

And Dad came in, so he said, "Who's been to the cupboard?"

0:46:250:46:28

So Bill said, "I have, Dad."

0:46:280:46:31

"Get a cloth, wipe it up, and then get the cane."

0:46:310:46:34

And he got the cane for that, I remember.

0:46:340:46:37

SHE CHUCKLES

0:46:370:46:38

You see, you couldn't do anything without asking.

0:46:380:46:42

Miner George Short, however, was one of those fathers

0:46:440:46:48

passionately opposed to the cane.

0:46:480:46:50

Just as he had with his children's education,

0:46:500:46:53

when it came to discipline, he took an enlightened approach.

0:46:530:46:56

I didn't believe in corporal punishment -

0:46:580:47:02

either for them or for any other children. I thought...

0:47:020:47:07

that was no way to teach kiddies,

0:47:070:47:10

to bring them up.

0:47:100:47:12

Even when they were naughty, then I realised

0:47:130:47:17

that was not a failure of them.

0:47:170:47:20

I realised it was a failure of me.

0:47:200:47:22

So if you want to train children,

0:47:240:47:26

the big thing is to win their confidence.

0:47:260:47:30

And if you win their confidence,

0:47:300:47:33

then they'll do whatever you tell them.

0:47:330:47:36

A father's ability to fulfil his role as provider

0:47:390:47:42

has always been dependent upon his employment.

0:47:420:47:46

In the first half of the century, many jobs were physically demanding

0:47:460:47:50

and often dangerous,

0:47:500:47:51

but the threat of unemployment was of far greater concern.

0:47:510:47:55

In the late '20s and '30s,

0:47:580:48:00

the North East of England was devastated

0:48:000:48:03

by the effects of the Great Depression.

0:48:030:48:05

Mines, shipyards and heavy industry closed down,

0:48:050:48:08

and men were laid off in their thousands.

0:48:080:48:11

In some places, as unemployment rose as high as 70%,

0:48:110:48:15

men joined queues at soup kitchens

0:48:150:48:18

and scrabbled for scraps of coal on slagheaps

0:48:180:48:21

in an attempt to provide food and warmth for their families.

0:48:210:48:25

It was harrowing time to be a father.

0:48:250:48:28

Fathers strive to provide for their families.

0:48:290:48:33

If they are unemployed it's a huge source of anxiety for them,

0:48:330:48:38

because they see their role and their relationship with their family

0:48:380:48:43

as kind of defined by their ability to provide for their family.

0:48:430:48:48

It's a language of love for an awful lot of fathers

0:48:480:48:52

who never verbalise their sentimental feelings.

0:48:520:48:56

And this is thrown into relief when men are unemployed

0:48:560:48:59

and the huge self-recrimination and guilt that men express

0:48:590:49:04

at not being able to provide for their families

0:49:040:49:06

offers us a window into seeing what that means for them.

0:49:060:49:10

In County Durham, George Short was one of those fathers

0:49:120:49:15

who had to cope with the misery of unemployment.

0:49:150:49:19

Here you were.

0:49:190:49:20

Your family needed things, they needed new clothes.

0:49:200:49:26

The average man - particularly the men of my class -

0:49:260:49:31

they always had believed that they were the breadwinner

0:49:310:49:36

and they were the one that, er...

0:49:360:49:39

that kept the wheels turning.

0:49:390:49:42

And the fact that his wife might get a job

0:49:420:49:46

didn't help, you see, because that helped take away

0:49:460:49:51

from the man the sense of importance which was his.

0:49:510:49:56

It was a terrible feeling.

0:49:560:49:58

Despite the hardships fathers faced during the Depression,

0:50:010:50:05

there was one unexpected benefit.

0:50:050:50:08

With no work to go to,

0:50:080:50:09

dads could spend more time in the company of their children.

0:50:090:50:13

George saw his free time as opportunity

0:50:140:50:17

to further his children's education,

0:50:170:50:19

and took them walking and camping in nearby woodland.

0:50:190:50:22

We used to go into the woods and in the woods, of course,

0:50:240:50:29

there was every form of wild animal.

0:50:290:50:33

Rabbits used to run almost tame

0:50:330:50:36

and, er, not only rabbits but hares, and they would be...

0:50:360:50:42

And then crawling about, you'd find hedgehogs and things like that,

0:50:420:50:46

so we would stop and look at these

0:50:460:50:49

and the bairns used to enjoy going for walks with us like that.

0:50:490:50:54

Fathers like George were an inspiration to their children

0:50:570:51:01

and in the inter-war years,

0:51:010:51:03

it was common for sons to want to follow in their footsteps,

0:51:030:51:06

by taking up the same occupation.

0:51:060:51:08

For many dads, this rite of passage

0:51:080:51:11

came with significant emotional responsibility.

0:51:110:51:15

For a dad training one's son up in your skill -

0:51:160:51:22

in your occupation - is one of the greatest gifts

0:51:220:51:26

you can give your son.

0:51:260:51:27

In a sense, your knowledge, your skill,

0:51:270:51:31

your experience as a working father is your capital.

0:51:310:51:36

It's your son's inheritance.

0:51:360:51:39

And so, giving this to your son

0:51:390:51:41

is not just about providing him with an income

0:51:410:51:46

and an occupation for his future -

0:51:460:51:49

it's very much about giving him something of yourself.

0:51:490:51:53

One of six children,

0:51:540:51:56

John Salinas was born in Liverpool in 1919.

0:51:560:52:00

Oh, I loved my father deeply.

0:52:010:52:03

I just wanted to be in his company as much as possible.

0:52:030:52:08

He was a very powerful man -

0:52:080:52:10

very strong, broad, and athletic -

0:52:100:52:14

and he used to take me to the swimming pool

0:52:140:52:19

and I could get on his back and ride on his back.

0:52:190:52:23

And it was a great feeling and a great closeness between us.

0:52:230:52:28

Unfortunately I didn't see a great -

0:52:290:52:32

as much of him as I would have liked -

0:52:320:52:34

because he was a seafarer.

0:52:340:52:36

And so he came and went and I saw him between voyages.

0:52:360:52:40

He was a ship's bosun and he was a leader of men,

0:52:430:52:47

and I was proud of the fact that he was the man

0:52:470:52:52

that went about the ship and told other people what to do.

0:52:520:52:56

He was an authoritative figure,

0:52:570:52:59

but not an unkindly authoritative figure.

0:52:590:53:04

He was my father. He was my father.

0:53:040:53:07

He was the head of the family.

0:53:070:53:09

He was a man of experience, and clever and...

0:53:090:53:14

able to take care of us, and equally missed when he wasn't there.

0:53:140:53:19

In 1927, while working on a ship in dock,

0:53:210:53:25

John's father was badly injured in an accident.

0:53:250:53:29

With his dad confined to bed, John took full advantage

0:53:290:53:33

of the extra time they could spend together.

0:53:330:53:35

I was eight years old at the time

0:53:360:53:39

and I used to read the paper to him -

0:53:390:53:41

would be the Liverpool Echo then -

0:53:410:53:45

and I couldn't get my mouth around some of the words,

0:53:450:53:48

such as "policeman" was "polisman"

0:53:480:53:52

and "needless" was "needles".

0:53:520:53:55

But he loved me reading to him.

0:53:550:53:57

I think... I can imagine now how touched he would have been

0:53:570:54:02

that I should stay in the quiet, semi-lit room

0:54:020:54:06

reading to him, than out playing with the other children.

0:54:060:54:10

Those precious evenings were the last John would ever share

0:54:120:54:17

with his father, who died from his injuries.

0:54:170:54:20

it was a sad and confusing time for John.

0:54:200:54:23

I can remember him lying in the, er,

0:54:250:54:28

tiny parlour that we had.

0:54:280:54:32

The coffin on two trestles.

0:54:320:54:36

And kissing his forehead

0:54:360:54:38

and finding it icy, like marble.

0:54:380:54:42

And there were lots of people coming to the house

0:54:430:54:46

and they were praising my father.

0:54:460:54:48

BELL TOLLS

0:54:480:54:51

When my father was buried, we went in a...

0:54:510:54:56

A coach and horses,

0:54:560:54:59

and the horses' hooves rattled on the cobbles

0:54:590:55:03

and the tyres slid silently over them.

0:55:030:55:07

When I looked out of the window,

0:55:070:55:10

I could see people coming to attention and raising their hat,

0:55:100:55:15

touching their forehead and it impressed me greatly.

0:55:150:55:18

And they were respecting my father.

0:55:180:55:22

And even to this day,

0:55:220:55:24

if I see such a cortege moving along the road,

0:55:240:55:28

I behave in the same way, just in case there's some little boy...

0:55:280:55:32

..like me, who would get similar satisfaction from it.

0:55:370:55:42

When we got to the cemetery of course,

0:55:460:55:49

the coffin was lowered into a deep grave.

0:55:490:55:52

I never thought that graves could be so deep.

0:55:520:55:56

And...

0:55:560:55:59

when I threw the handful of soil onto the shiny coffin lid

0:55:590:56:03

and it rattled on the lid,

0:56:030:56:05

I was filled with horror that my father was down there.

0:56:050:56:10

After that, I used to look for him everywhere.

0:56:150:56:19

I never... I never felt that he'd gone away for good.

0:56:190:56:23

I always felt that he would come back

0:56:230:56:25

like he used to between voyages,

0:56:250:56:28

but he never did.

0:56:280:56:30

With the sea in his blood,

0:56:310:56:33

John joined the Merchant Navy when he was just 15

0:56:330:56:36

and later sailed on convoys to Malta during World War II.

0:56:360:56:41

But wherever he was,

0:56:420:56:44

he always tried to live up to the example set by his father.

0:56:440:56:48

I wanted nothing to be said of me that would...

0:56:480:56:51

That my father would be ashamed of.

0:56:510:56:54

I always wanted to behave that he would never be ashamed of me.

0:56:540:56:59

And when I eventually went to sea myself,

0:56:590:57:03

I met some of his shipmates and they used to say,

0:57:030:57:06

"Oh, I remember your father.

0:57:060:57:08

"Fine man, your father."

0:57:080:57:10

They were very kind.

0:57:120:57:13

The love and respect with which John remembers his father is not unusual.

0:57:170:57:23

There's little doubt that dads in the first half of the century

0:57:230:57:26

often had close relationships with their children.

0:57:260:57:30

They might have spent long hours at work, been scarred by the war

0:57:300:57:34

or sometimes stern,

0:57:340:57:37

but to their sons and daughters,

0:57:370:57:38

they're also remembered as kind, devoted and inspiring.

0:57:380:57:44

In the inter-war years, health and welfare authorities

0:57:460:57:49

at last began to take seriously

0:57:490:57:51

the importance of a father's role in bringing up his children.

0:57:510:57:55

And whilst the idea of the hands-on, stay-at-home dad

0:57:550:57:58

that we recognise today was still some way off,

0:57:580:58:01

it's clear that the true picture of the father from the past

0:58:010:58:05

is vastly different from the negative stereotype

0:58:050:58:09

of popular mythology.

0:58:090:58:11

Next time, we reveal the effects of the Second World War

0:58:160:58:20

and the teenage revolution

0:58:200:58:22

on Britain's fathers and their children.

0:58:220:58:25

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:500:58:53

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:530:58:56

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