Jay & James Don't Drop the Baby

This programme contains some strong language

BABY CRIES Well done, you.

Behind every new mum...

HE BELCHES

..is a new dad.

That is disgusting.

Two thirds of new fathers feel useless during the pregnancy...

All we're good for is just putting it in there.

..and nearly half feel unprepared for the birth.

Let's not think about it cos that makes it worse.

But all that is about to change.

SHE GROANS

I'm not ready for this. No, seriously.

Under the watchful eye of experienced midwives...

-This is harder than it looks.

-Think it's easy for her having a baby?

..these first-time fathers are going on a crash course.

Get this baby out!

They'll be stretched to their limits...

It's really uncomfy. In fact, it's very painful.

..to try to become the perfect birthing partner.

Better go, she's calling me.

There you are.

With each other for moral support...

-God.

-That's scarred me for life.

..they'll get closer to the delivery action than they'd ever imagined.

Spread 'em.

But when push comes to shove...

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

..will these dads deliver?

I'm...shitting myself.

Tonight, two unsympathetic dads-to-be

in urgent need of the midwife's help.

Doorman and former cage fighter Jay from Stockport

got together with barmaid Hazel

after she noticed his sizeable assets.

I must admit I was attracted to Jay cos of his doorman appearance.

All right, mate, you all right?

Jay has moved her to the front of the queue

and now, at seven months pregnant, she's in the club.

But this hard man's got a weak spot -

he's a wimp when it comes to hospitals

and runs a mile at the sight of blood.

Yeah, I'm squeamish.

Don't like blood.

I don't like the smell of hospitals.

I don't like any form of medical procedure.

He'll go deathly white and all the colour will drain out of his lips.

I'm worried about how I'm going to be on birth day.

Jay's phobia is so bad, Hazel's thinking about replacing him

as her birthing partner and she's got an eager substitute.

The unexpected happens and Jay panics, he'd better watch out

because I'll be there to step in and take over.

I've got to get over this fear of blood and guts.

I can't have Hazel's mum in there.

Come here!

Jay may be desperate to get his ringside seat at the birth,

but so far he's given Hazel little sympathy.

He did actually say,

"Pregnancy is not an illness, it's just a condition,

"so you can do all the normal things."

I think some people might question, even at 20 weeks pregnant,

I shouldn't be doing certain jobs.

Yeah, but I've never had you, like, jacking the car up

or anything like that, like, real heavy lifting.

Hm, you've had me in the loft.

Yeah, but you get in the loft easier than me.

There we go.

No.

With just six weeks to go,

can the midwives give Jay a fighting chance of making it to the birth?

Jay needs to learn a little bit more, I think, to be more prepared.

I'll second that, I agree. Help.

A hundred miles away in Peterborough,

another dad-to-be in need of the midwife's attention.

See what I have to wake up to every morning?

21-year-old serial jester James

got together with Amber two years ago

and she's been the butt of his jokes ever since.

I wind her up until it gets to the point where she wants to beat me.

I would love to push you into the...

My nickname's Digger and it's because when people should shut up

I continue that extra bit.

You absolute troll.

I don't have a filter. It just doesn't stop, it's just like...

But now Amber's seven months pregnant,

Digger's dug himself a massive hole.

You should enlighten them on the beautiful names you call me.

I don't call you anything.

"Tubsy" and "Here comes Fatty".

-You can call me a pig all day, it's fine.

-I didn't call you a pig.

Yes, you did!

My fear in labour is that he's just going to stand there

taking the mick out of me the whole time.

I jokingly compare labour to being kicked in the nuts.

Yes, it's painful but so is backache.

I know that when it comes to the delivery room,

I know I'm going to do something completely inappropriate.

But James' jokes are hiding a bigger problem.

This 21-year-old dad-to-be is a flapper who panics.

-See, you're getting agitated.

-Cos you are annoying.

-Well, it wasn't done right.

-I'd like to see you do it!

When it comes to Amber, I flap like there's no tomorrow

and when it comes to the baby I flap even more.

And it's no surprise that Amber's worried

he won't be able to hold it together at the birth.

I'd like it to be as less stressful for him, cos the calmer he is,

the calmer I'll be cos I won't have to worry about him.

It's time this stressed-out joker got help.

I want James to have these private sessions with the midwife,

but I also think he needs it.

It's nicer to know that he knows what he's doing

and he feels confident in doing it.

So, one dad-to-be in danger of passing out at the birth...

It's horrible.

..and one who keeps putting his foot in it.

Now, don't drop him.

I cannot believe you just said that.

Two daddy disasters who aren't alone.

A new BBC Three poll found nearly half of young dads

were unprepared for the birth.

So we've called in the experts...

Give me half an hour and, er, yeah, I'll come and help you.

..who have come up with a crash course.

This is the last chance to transform these clueless lads into super dads

in the delivery room and they've got just six weeks.

Taking on this huge challenge are midwives who've delivered

hundreds of babies between them.

At Stepping Hill Hospital in Greater Manchester,

midwife Debs has seen it all before.

I think the main problem with that is the fear of the unknown,

and they feel inadequate and they want to support their women

and they don't know what to do.

-Wish me luck.

-Have a good day.

Now she's got a job on her hands getting bouncer Jay

to face his phobia of blood and hospitals.

Men feel under pressure cos they're meant to be men.

What we're trying to do is just bring that back

with a few little challenges, just to show him that

he doesn't have to be fearful of things.

Lesson one for Jay,

who hasn't set foot in a hospital since he was three -

can he even make it though the front door?

Now I'm near the hospital I'm sort of, er...

I'm conscious of the fact now that I'm going to have to go in.

And, er, hopefully not pass out.

Right, here we go, time to man up.

First things first,

Debs has got to get a handle on just how bad Jay's big fear really is.

So, when you think about blood, what exactly are you expecting?

I'm expecting to need to sit down.

-Right, are you worried about fainting?

-Yeah. Yeah.

OK. Have you ever fainted?

-I've come close...

-Right, OK.

-..when giving blood.

Jay is not alone. One in three new dads are worried they'll pass out

at the birth.

Brilliant, you'll be fine...

Debs wants to see if Jay will let her take blood.

-If you feel uncomfortable, I can take it off.

-Right, OK.

-Yeah?

-You can see a lovely vein. That's a lovely one, that.

-Ripe.

It's a ripe one. Does it make you feel uncomfortable to touch it?

Yeah, it's... I'm not overly...

No. So if I came at you with this needle now...

-I'd be out of that door.

-OK.

There's no blood in sight yet

and hard man Jay is already terrified,

but Debs has got a few tricks up her sleeve.

Now what we're going to do is get you to take your own blood.

-You're joking?

-No. Not joking.

Right, so what we're going to do is, you're going to press that

-firmly against your fingertip.

-Yeah.

And you're just going to press that in.

-You're not happy.

-Not really, no.

I'm starting to sweat now.

Are you? Which part of it are you worrying about?

It's just the... Don't let me think about it too much.

-Let me just do it.

-All right.

Then you can pull it away

and then if you just squeeze your finger.

So, does it matter that it's your blood when you see it,

-does it really bother you?

-No, it's not great.

-No.

-No.

At this rate, there's no chance Jay will cope at the birth,

so Debs has come up with a sneaky idea to give him

a little extra motivation.

-Right, Jay, you can look at your homework.

-Oh, Jesus.

She got a twinkle in her eye there as well, hasn't she?

HE LAUGHS

You feel that you're not going to come and you're worried and

it all becomes too much, that lady's going to take over.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

I don't know where I'm going to put her.

He's still got a long way to go.

I mean, he's going to have to confront his phobia about blood

to be in the birth room,

because his mother-in-law is waiting on the sidelines to step in

if he fears that he's not going to be able to cope with it.

In Peterborough, James has few concerns.

He's about to meet his midwife and the wisecracks have already started.

What do you think it's going to be like today,

-seeing what you know, what you don't know?

-I know everything.

-No, you don't.

-I'm a genius.

-You don't know anything.

-Baby drops. Baby crowns.

Baby comes out. Simple process.

Looks like midwife Susan Vining has got her work cut out,

but at least she's got a plan.

The sessions James is going to have will make him feel empowered,

able to cope for himself, able to cope with Amber and actually enjoy

the delivery so he remembers it in a positive manner.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

-I'm Susan, pleased to meet you.

-I'm James.

-You're James.

-Hello.

-Hi, Amber. Nice to meet you. I'm Susan.

-Hello.

These sessions that we're having, what are you hoping to

get from them, is there anything specifically?

It would be probably quite useful to know quite a bit more than I do,

so I don't panic and flap about.

I think if we can show you lots of different things

-and help you understand what happens during labour...

-Yeah.

..how Amber might be feeling, then you're going to think,

"That's OK, the midwife said that's normal."

Yeah? So it's not, "Whoo, what's happening?" Sort of thing.

OK, now...

Susan's first mission is to replace James' fears with facts.

For her, the more James understands, the less he'll flap at the birth.

I think it's a good thing for James,

learning stuff. It means he won't panic.

Hopefully, won't take the mick out of me so much, either.

If these are what I think they are - forceps.

-What most people do is that...

-CLANGING

..and that can be really scary for a mum. So you can say,

"It's all right they're just checking that they fit together

"and they tend to bang if baby needs a little bit of help."

-What do you think about this?

-Um...

I don't know. I wouldn't know, where, what...

What you do is you put that on baby's head, so Amber would push

and the doctor will pump that. They pull and Amber pushes.

There's a long way to go to turn this insensitive lad

into a confident dad in the delivery room,

but he's made a good first step.

Thank you both for coming. We're going to bring this session

to a close now. Amber, I'm going to give James some homework.

James is going to come home

and he's going to do exactly what you would like him to do for you.

HE SNIGGERS

OK.

That's lovely, thank you.

There might be weeks till the newborn arrives

but in Stockport there's an early addition to the family.

Meet your mother. In cardboard form.

-Just a...

-Yeah.

-..little bit creepy.

-Yeah. Well, she's going to be living with us

until the birth to motivate me,

to make sure I'm there for the birth.

Um, er, well...

HE LAUGHS

The homework for James today is to cook me dinner,

so hopefully it'll be nice.

I absolutely hate cooking.

This is one of the most annoying things for me to do.

Oh, and to help you out with losing weight,

-I ate the rest of your Terry's Chocolate Orange.

-You best not have.

-If you have, you're a dickhead.

-I actually have.

-Then I'm not cooking for you.

-Oh, you are.

-No, I'm not.

-You have to do something nice for me.

-No, I'm not.

-You don't need to whinge so much.

-I'm being serious.

Are you taking the mick?

No. Just like you took the mick with eating my Terry's Chocolate Orange.

I didn't think it would... it was a big deal.

MUSIC: Same Love

# Can't change

# Even if I tried

# Even if I wanted to... #

Good luck cooking.

I'm being deadly serious now.

You knew I'd be pissed off if you ate it and you did it anyway.

Oh, for God's sake.

Despite a promising start,

James has fallen at the first hurdle.

Fuck's sake.

Cos it's going to be shit and I can't be bothered.

Susan's concerned about his attitude so she's called them both in

for a crisis meeting.

Right then, James, so are you being sympathetic?

She doesn't deserve it at the moment.

Huge pain in the backside.

She's carrying your baby. You need to be kind to her.

You know what we said about stress, keeping her stress levels down.

Nobody's right or wrong. You're probably worried about one thing

and you're worried about another. So just try and keep talking

so you're not so stressed with each other.

James, come on, look willing.

You got this far, mate, you're going to be a dad soon.

-See you.

-Bye.

If stress-head James can't keep it together, he'll be a disaster

at the birth when Amber will need him to stay calm more than ever.

James isn't the only one finding things difficult.

Jay's worried he won't get over his fear of blood in time

and the prospect of losing his place at the birth

is staring him right in the face.

MUSIC: Thriller by Michael Jackson

Weirdo.

'I don't think I can put into words how much it means to me'

to make sure that I'm there at the birth, you know.

My life wouldn't be worth living if I couldn't be there or...

or wasn't there for whatever reason.

So, you know, that's the reason why I'm doing this.

For Jay's next midwife session,

Debs is bringing him face to face with his worst nightmare.

It's something he must get his head round

if he's going to make it to the birth - a placenta.

I'll get rid of all of this blood bit,

so you don't have to look at that.

The baby is actually in there.

-Right, OK.

-Can you see?

So that's where your baby is

and these membranes are really quite tough.

And if I actually got the edges

I could actually split them and pull them right back.

It's very slippy, I don't know whether...

be able to get to do that.

-But are you OK?

-I think about a nine on the...

on the Jay meter.

-On the passing out?

-Yeah...

-Do you want to sit down?

Just have a minute, just...

-I'm all right standing up.

-Are you sure?

-Honestly I'm fine, yeah.

Just...when it's there, it's the smell. Oh, God, yeah,

thought I was going to...

Not going to talk about it cos I'll throw up.

Some women do choose to take it away with them.

And they've fried it with onions,

they've made pate with it

and the last lady I looked after made a smoothie with it.

-Enough smoothie.

-Yeah, can you imagine that?

-No, thank you.

-No, I don't think I could either.

-I don't want... Why?

Because it's got... full of goodness.

So are apples but... Do you know what I mean?

DEBS LAUGHS

'I think Jay struggled today, but I think by seeing it,'

even though he was obviously quite distressed on occasions

and was trying to get out the door,

he was sweating and feeling a little bit uncomfortable.

I think the fact that he's actually seen it and approached it

and dealt with it, will help him in the future.

I thought I'd have to sit down midway through that

and I thought I'd have to take a break through the middle.

But, you know, it's amazing how, if you want something you'll...

you'll get it done really.

Two unlikely dads are now well into their sessions,

so the midwives think it's a good time for them to meet up

and compare notes.

-Are you looking forward to it all?

-I'm looking forward to being a dad.

-Yeah.

-Not necessarily as much, you know...

-The birth.

-Yeah.

-Are you not nervous?

-At the moment, it's just like, "Ugh."

-But I imagine as it gets closer to the time...

-Yeah, yeah.

-..I will start panicking.

-How close?

-We've only got a month.

-Yeah, I know what you mean.

With the clock ticking, the midwives have arranged for the lads

to have a surprise trip to the cinema.

-Here's your popcorn.

-All right, cheers.

What do you think we're going to see here?

Worst case, they're going to make us

watch something to do with labour and somebody in pain.

Best case it'll be an entertaining film.

WOMAN SCREAMS IN PAIN

Make that the worst case scenario.

-Yep.

-Yep.

-I'll put this down.

I'm psychic me. I know, right?

WOMAN SCREAMS IN PAIN

Does that not gross you out?

-Oh....

-That does.

-..fucking hell.

Oh, my God.

At this stage, I'd probably have said something inappropriate

and got slapped.

-Yeah, on that note.

-Oh, my God.

That... I think that's just scarred me for life.

Anyone who goes through that deserves a bit of sympathy.

It's pretty, pretty graphic really.

I didn't really expect that.

I wasn't sick and I didn't pass out.

So I guess that's a step in the right direction.

But just as Jay looks like he's on the road to recovery,

back in Stockport girlfriend Hazel drops a bombshell.

She wants a water birth,

giving blood phobic Jay a whole new set of problems.

I don't particularly, like, want to be involved too much downstairs,

I'm a head end kind of guy.

Hi, Jay, do you want to come in?

Looks like midwife Debs has got a whole new challenge on her hands.

Welcome back.

Jay needs to know what he's up against

if he's going to keep his head above water.

-That equates to about 200ml.

-OK.

Which isn't that much, is it? So I want you to hold it.

-That is roughly how much blood loss there's going to be.

-Right, yeah.

Debs is using food colouring instead of real blood.

What I want to do in a minute is show you how that looks

-when it's not in that nice cup.

-Right, OK.

So if you start just pouring a little bit of that in

-and sometimes that's what you see.

-Yeah, yeah.

You see it come out whilst the lady's in the pool.

-Right, OK.

-Carry on.

And then this is like the final bit.

And if I had a pool that had gone murky like this,

I would know that that was normal and I'd be really happy with that.

-Does that help you a little bit?

-Definitely, yeah.

-So you can just weigh it up.

-Definitely.

-Good.

I think I can handle that.

Actually it's not that much. It's not that bad.

A lot of it's the fear of the unknown.

So it's probably not something that I need to worry as much about

as what I first thought.

Looks like Jay might be winning the fight with his phobia.

Time to call the mother-in-law

and tell her she might not be needed after all.

While Jay is making good progress,

joker James still needs to take his role seriously.

So midwife Susan has called him in.

My main concern with James is he's unsympathetic at the moment.

So by understanding the positions in labour, how baby's coming out,

he can sympathise.

She wants James to use modelling clay to create

some of the positions Amber may use during labour.

There you go. There you go, there's the first one.

-Right, so next one.

-Is she face down?

Yeah. Bum up in the air, there's her arms.

OK, that's a really good position to have a baby in. Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Is there any chance you could show me it?

Just the theory of it...on the mat,

just to give you an idea of how Amber might feel as well.

If you can do this, Amber's got to do it and she's having a baby,

-you're keeping your clothes on. Come on.

-I can't do that.

You can't. Is it embarrassment? Or is it a bit vulnerable?

No, it's more embarrassment more than anything.

Yeah, and that's worth remembering, because when Amber's in labour

and she's got her bottoms off and her legs open, yeah?

She's going to feel vulnerable, she's going to need you to be there.

With James refusing to budge,

it's time for Susan to get her legs out.

Show me what sort of position she's going to be in...

-Amber's going to be in to push this baby out.

-OK.

-Over to you.

OK.

-Oh, baby really...

-Push.

-..does not want to come out.

Yeah, no, you're going to need to push.

God, if this is difficult,

-I can't imagine how it is to be a woman.

-Exactly.

Right, so this is how... Stop, stop. OK.

When the head appears that's known as a ring of fire,

that will sting like mad. It's another gentle push then.

And "boop" with its placenta and up onto mummy's tummy.

So you see the position you're in and see how you might be

feeling a little bit vulnerable.

Now you can understand when people are down there and

telling her things and asking her to do things, how she might feel.

I'm sure that she'll...

I'm sure she'll be teased when she's relaxed and recouped.

-Yeah, not at the time.

-Not at the time.

-Not at the time.

Well done, James. Well done.

He wasn't keen to show his vulnerable side on some of

the positions with his legs open, so that was quite interesting as well.

He'll understand how Amber might feel.

For James the penny is starting to drop.

But in Stockport, despite progress with his blood phobia,

Jay is still struggling to show any sympathy.

I'd just quite like him to be more sympathetic in that

my body is really changing at the moment and I am tired.

Midwife Debs wants to help him empathise with girlfriend Hazel.

-Two boobs.

-Yeah.

-Uterus, baby in there.

-Yeah.

You're going to put this on...

The empathy belly will make Jay instantly 37 weeks pregnant

by adding an extra two stone.

-So how does it feel?

-Heavy.

-Yes.

So what I want you to do is to wear that

-while you do something that you would normally do.

-Right, OK.

-It might be something at home, DIY, that kind of thing...

-Right.

-..wearing that the whole time.

-OK.

What has happened to my life that has resulted me...

in me standing here with this... this thing on?

Baby's nursery still isn't finished

but thanks to midwife Debs, Hazel's finally getting a helping hand.

Don't forget you need to bend down

-and do the bits at the bottom as well.

-Yeah.

I think I might do anything as long as I know

I don't have to wear this thing again. I'll do whatever you want.

Are you going to stop?

I'm just having a breather.

# Let's sweat, let's sweat

# Let's sweat

# Let's sweat... #

Jay might not have been an understanding partner in the past,

but his new bump is giving him a wake-up call.

I'm sorry for not being sympathetic.

I'm going to salute every single pregnant woman I see from now on.

If there is ever a dad in any sort of doubt about what

their missus is going through

they need to try on and wear this suit because it is beyond a joke.

On the plus side, you can rest your drink on it.

-Right.

-Bye.

With his baby due in less than a week,

James needs urgent help in keeping his stress under control.

Delivery is a really emotional place

and Dad's desperately wanting everything to go right with Mum.

James will be worried about what's happening to Amber.

If he reacts the wrong way, it's going to totally muck up the way

that Amber feels about the delivery.

Susan's plan is to help James learn to conquer one fear

by coming face to face with another.

We know he's got a fear of snakes.

Hopefully if he can hold the snake, he'll confront some

of his other fears in the labour room.

All these animals are lovely.

Is there anything that you would hate to see in the zoo?

-Is there anything that bothers you?

-Yeah, snakes.

-You don't like snakes?

-No.

-Why don't you like snakes?

It's the stage where I would not go anywhere near them

and I would run a mile.

But James won't be able to head for the exit when Amber is in labour.

No.

He needs to prove to himself that he can stay calm

in the face of his fears.

So can he handle this slippery customer?

Do you know? I would give it a go.

Considering I absolutely...

like, terrified of snakes, that feels really weird.

How about putting your whole hand on rather than just your finger?

Well done, you've conquered a fear.

You've touched a snake, that's a big thing.

Cos if you can conquer a fear...

Actually if you're a little bit frightened during delivery

and you think, "It's OK, I don't need to run,

"I'm here to support Amber." And you'll do it.

Speechless. There you go. That's...that's how I'd define that,

like, over the last couple of sessions it's all started to, like,

kick in and, like, boot the system up sort of thing.

It's starting to feel real.

Definitely more so in the last couple of, like, last week or so

than it has throughout the last eight months.

With Jay and James only days from their due dates,

they're fighting to be ready for their new arrivals.

-Because that's what it's like, 700 calories an hour...

-Right.

-..it's going to use up labour.

-OK.

Blowing up balloons can simulate labour.

And there's no let up in their intensive preparations.

-That swaying of your hips...

-Yeah.

..from side to side actually jiggles the baby down the pelvis.

See your waters are going to break now.

And it seems to be paying off.

James is finally putting Amber's feelings first.

I think I've changed.

Other people have noticed a change, especially Amber and stuff.

You know, I'll give her a massage and I won't stress her out.

So, all in all, I'd say the sessions have been a great help.

Yeah, bring baby up, turn him over and bring him up and up to Hazel.

And then if you...if you then want to cut the cord, that's the time.

Panic, panic.

Can Jay really face up to his phobia?

Obviously I'm still anxious about the blood

and that sort of stuff.

I'm a hell of a lot more confident when it actually comes to

going to hospital and I think I'll be all right.

Touch wood.

They'll need to put all their preparation into practice

as they take on the biggest test of all.

It's not all hard work, though.

To celebrate their last days of freedom before the baby's arrival,

James is taking Amber on a night out.

That's fine.

But it's not going to plan.

Amber is concerned about the baby

because she hasn't felt it kick all day.

She hasn't had any baby movements, so she wants to go home.

-What does that mean? I don't...

-You have to have ten a day.

Oh, really?

-You ready?

-Yeah, can we go home?

-You're going home?

Amber has only had one kick today and she's meant to have ten.

James takes charge and takes Amber to hospital.

INTERCOM RINGS

Hey there, I've been... I've called the midwife

-and she said come down.

-OK, come in.

-Thank you.

Yeah, I'm actually really impressed with him.

Bless him.

It's made me a lot calmer.

I'm a lot calmer knowing that he's not stressed.

I've got her to, like,

drink something fizzy, drink something cold,

-lay on her side.

-Yeah, you've done exactly the right thing.

The hospital are concerned about the lack of movements

so decide to monitor Amber.

I bet you if you start playing with your bump it'll start moving.

-Normally it's...

-It's moving.

-Ah, see there we go.

-Baby's moving now.

-Yeah, look at that.

I told you, you just need to sit down and play with your bump.

They've been given the all clear

and James is finally showing some understanding

of what Amber's going through.

Props to you, like, I couldn't do it.

I'd whinge more than you.

I'd be like, "Rub my feet, rub my back, make me a drink,

-"make me dinner, love me!"

-Aw.

At least he's learnt to say the right thing...

almost.

And if it comes out ginger, we'll shove it back up.

James has proved he can stay calm

and help Amber in a stressful situation,

but will he hold it together at the birth?

In Stockport, Hazel's labour has begun

and a newly sympathetic Jay is in full action mode.

Have you got cotton wool balls in the bag already?

Using an app, he's timing contractions on his phone

and so far, the only mother-in-law in sight is cardboard.

At the minute, there's no going back.

All you can do is just stand there and try and be supportive.

'Hello, triage, can I help?'

Hiya, yeah, I'm ringing on behalf of Hazel, I think

she's really to come in, she's told...she's struggling now, yeah.

HAZEL WAILS

It's time for this former cage fighter to get ready

for the biggest bout of his life.

In the last few weeks, hardman Jay has had to man up

to confront his fear of blood head-on...

Oh, God, I thought I was gon...

I'm not going to talk about it, cos I'll throw up.

..and prove he's got a sympathetic side.

I'm going to salute every single pregnant woman I see from now on.

Star jumps.

The midwives have given him the skills he needs

to help Hazel through the labour.

Now it's up to Jay to put it into practice.

I know, I know.

We've started running the pool.

If you feel that you just want to settle in the room a little bit

and just keep mobile and a bit of gravity...

No, I want to try out the pool, I think...

You want to try the pool, that's fine.

Just a few weeks ago, blood-phobic Jay was terrified

by Hazel's plan for a water birth.

Now the big day's arrived, can he overcome his fear?

This could go on for days.

Nah, it won't.

They're saying a centimetre an hour.

It progressed.

And you're already five

and you've gotta be ten before you start pushing.

So at the most, it's going to be six or seven, in't it?

-Yeah.

-No need to rush. Everything must happen in its own time.

-Can you stay in the pool as...?

-Absolutely.

-..as long as you like?

-Yeah, yep, you can stay in the pool until...

We'll keep making sure the temperature's, you know,

the right temperature for you.

Yeah, so you can stay in the pool till the end.

Now and again, it might be that you bob out to go to the loo.

Right, OK.

But it's up to you, and that all helps everything happen as well.

So...

Slowly.

It's a lot more intense than I thought it would be.

'Like, my sort of role is sort of just left to get on with it,

'which is, which is nice, but it's you know, a lot more...'

responsibility, I suppose, than I thought I'd have.

Jay might be blown away by the scale of the task,

but at least he can impress Hazel with his knowledge.

You'll get a big surge of hormones

that'll help your contractions carry on.

And what are they?

-Hormones.

-Hormones.

No, what hormones?

-Er, adrenaline and oxytocin.

-Yeah.

Good!

You've been doing your research. You've been taught well, yeah.

MUSIC: Tired Of Waiting by The Kinks

# So tired, tired of waiting

# Tired of waiting for you... #

Despite Jay swotting up, things aren't progressing.

Hazel's contractions have ground to a halt

and her waters still haven't broken.

When you first come into hospital, you know,

you'd been contracting well in the car and you come in and everything's

all a bit strange and you're getting used to a new environment.

So contractions can go a little bit quieter.

After three hours, they give up on the birthing pool

and try to get things moving by walking around.

It's not what Hazel wanted,

and she'll now need Jay to keep it together.

-But am I?

-You are. Course you are!

Come all that time and all that way, just...

Just feels like I've still not got anywhere.

You ha... Course you have!

Do you want me to dump you in one of them chairs?

Today's also the biggest test for James,

because Amber's gone into labour.

Over the last six weeks, midwife Susan has got James

to take his foot out of his mouth...

And that's coming out of her body - she needs your support in that.

No flapping, nothing inappropriate.

I wouldn't want Mrs Boa on me, around me,

or I'll be out that door.

..and to stop flapping and deal with pressure.

Do you know? I would give it a go.

Well done, you've conquered a fear.

You've touched a snake and that's a big thing.

-Hello, Amber.

-Hello.

-Are you ready to come down?

-Yeah.

Now the time has come for James to keep his stress under control

and be there for Amber.

MACHINE BEEPS

You've got mail!

Oh, God, phones galore.

But it's already gone out the window.

Amber might be five centimetres dilated,

but James has reverted back to his old ways

and is causing tension on the labour ward.

Does it help with James rubbing your back a little bit? Yeah.

So even though she might make noises like, grrr,

what she's doing is coping with that, so do that.

No, no, I did it yesterday and asked her if it was OK

after she was in pain, she told me to fuck off. So...

That was yesterday, James.

-I don't care.

-Today's today. No, it does.

-I did not use the words "eff off", now, did I?

-No.

-No, you probably used something else.

-Right.

I said, "No, I'm fine, thank you."

So today she's just told you she'd like it, and that's the big help.

Remember what we said? Stay calm...

-I'm calm.

-No, no.

If you stay calm, she'll stay calm, it'll hurt less.

I've been calm all day.

But she wants you to rub her back.

So you're doing really well, Amber.

And you're doing really well, James. Right?

You tell him what you want, Amber.

James is nervous, and James is keeping it all hidden.

He's not really being supportive.

'So the stuff that we've done in the sessions is not showing at all yet.'

He's a closed book at the moment, and he needs to remember

what we learnt in the sessions to make him chill and make Amber chill.

They've only been at the hospital for two hours,

but it's already getting too much for James.

So he decides it's time to get some air.

# Are you crazy, are you crazy Are you crazy, must be stupid... #

James has just said to me that he's getting really hot and

stressed in there and he just needs to get out, so he's left the room.

He is beginning to panic a little bit and I'm not sure

he knows how to relate that and how to cope at the moment.

So I'm going to go and see him, give him a bit of reassurance.

Talk about after the baby's been,

and sort of bring all the tension down and hopefully he'll be able

to come back in and support Amber a little bit more.

Just remember what we did. You can do this, all right?

-I'm fine.

-Yeah, but you're shutting up a little bit,

you're pulling away from me and it's like, I'm trying to help you,

and you're doing so great.

Rather than waiting for her to say, "Do this,"

cos she can't think of that. She can only think of doing that.

So if you're rubbing her back and doing it...

No, you're doing fine, I'm not criticising you, sweetheart.

If you're doing that without her even asking, that's even better.

But if when she's actually doing something and you just think, "Oh,"

just chill, cos she's fine, she's breathing, she's doing whatever.

If James can't sort out his stress soon,

it will be too late to be any use to Amber during the birth.

You're doing great. You're doing great.

-Keep breathing.

-SHE WAILS

Back in Stockport, Hazel's almost fully dilated

and her waters still haven't broken.

The midwives are going to use an amni-hook to get things moving.

It's exactly the sort of medical procedure that has scared

squeamish Jay in the past.

If these waters pop,

is that going to bring things along a little bit more?

-Yes.

-I just want it done.

I'll do my best, OK? I'll do my best to get it done.

Jay needs to put his fears aside and stay strong for Hazel.

SHE GROANS You can do it.

SHE WAILS

There's some waters in front of your baby's head, OK?

We're going to pop those waters,

cos I don't want anything getting too tight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just get things going a bit more.

SHE CRIES OUT

OK? Well done, you star.

Thank you.

Seeing Hazel in pain is certainly not nice...

..but I'm quite surprised how much of a help I've been to Hazel.

Like, just, even just sitting there.

She keeps saying that it's helping and all the rest of it.

So, pretty good, yeah.

It feels like you're fully dilating, OK? Now the fun starts.

Fully dilated, all your waters have gone.

Just waiting for him now.

So just get yourself turned round.

Jay has managed to stay in control so far,

but will he be able to overcome his biggest fear, blood,

now it's time to push?

That's it. That was really good pushing.

You really moved your baby down a lot then.

OK. OK.

All right?

OK.

You've got one more, that's it. Really brave, keep pushing.

Chin down on your chest, that's it.

Head down. Give him a shove at the end.

-And another one.

-Go on, give him a shove at the end.

That's it. That's it. That's it. Go on.

The second time you pushed, that was when I saw the labia

just opening a wee bit

and saw the black on your baby's head, all right?

You can do it, come on.

Oh, you're doing so well. It's good.

But despite the progress, the midwives have noticed an issue.

The baby isn't moving and its heart rate has dropped.

106.

Hazel's in a lot of pain, but it's now too late for an epidural.

Come on, let's get you over the other side.

You really moved this baby.

There are signs the baby's distressed

so she's being moved from the birthing centre to a labour ward

where she can be monitored by the doctors.

Is that better?

At Peterborough Hospital,

James is back by Amber's side following Susan's pep talk.

If you need water or anything, let me know.

If you want me to, you know, do something for you, I'll do it.

Amber's been contracting for almost 24 hours now,

and James is finally saying the right thing.

Amber, breathe. Big breaths, please. Come on.

You're doing brilliantly.

Midwife Susan's words of encouragement seem to be working,

and he's helping to give Amber gas and air to reduce the pain.

In...

..and out.

Big breath.

And out.

I'm proud of you.

Amber's still five centimetres after a couple of hours.

She's got the need to push, but she shouldn't be pushing.

'I'm... I'm fine, I'm calm, I'm just tired.'

She's knackered and won't let me leave her side.

So I'm going to go back.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He's doing really well getting Amber to breathe.

It's almost like a control thing.

He's getting her to take control of the breathing and he feels

like he's doing something, so that's going really, really well.

In, out.

So he's caring for her emotionally, but I think physically,

if he could be out the room, he'd be out of it at the moment.

For the baby, well done.

Come on, babe, deep breaths.

SHE GROANS

The baby's head's just sat right down in your pelvis, OK?

But will he be able to keep his cool if things get complicated?

So this baby, I think his head's getting so squashed

inside your pelvis, picking up again beautifully now, OK?

Sometimes this happens and these babies...

it's a stressful time for them when their head's getting squashed, OK?

Well done.

The baby's heart rate has dropped to a worrying level.

The medical team decide to call a doctor.

Is it all right if I examine you? It's OK, yes?

She's got a really strong urge to push.

-Ow!

-Amber!?

Stick out your chest.

OK, Amber, it's not moving the baby.

You need to push right onto your bottom as if you're constipated, OK?

Yeah, right, as if you're really trying to open your bowels, OK?

I think the best thing is,

because the baby's showing signs of tiredness, you are tired as well.

-Yeah.

-OK.

And as I said, baby's lying sideways rather than the right way.

It's best to take you to theatre.

I'll examine you down there again, OK?

We'll make you comfortable, OK, give you a spinal anaesthetic.

-Yeah.

-So I think it's needed because it's happening, the baby is...

the baby's heart beat is dropping for a while now, OK?

Are you all right with that, do you understand?

-Just going to go to theatre...

-Yeah.

..and still try and get the baby out that way, all right?

She'll still need you to look after her, you're doing great.

Well done, Amber.

The situation is serious, but James is managing to keep calm

and remember everything Susan's taught him.

The baby needs to be delivered quickly in theatre,

and there is a possibility Amber will need a C-section.

As she's taken away, James finally lets his calm exterior slip.

(It'll be fine, all right?)

What's your biggest worry down here?

Anything you want to ask before we go in?

-I'm fine.

-OK.

Jay and Hazel's baby is also in distress.

The baby's heart rate has dropped,

so it's being closely monitored by a doctor.

Things aren't going to plan at the minute.

Obviously, it's Hazel going through it, so I've got to carry on,

staying strong for her and hopefully everything'll be all right.

So with the next couple of contractions, just go for it, yeah.

I want you to do it yourself.

-You're doing...

-Is another one coming?

-Go on, go on.

-Go on, go on, go on, go on.

-Chin on chest. Everything you've got, go on.

-I can't!

-You can.

-Come on, you can do this. Come on.

-You can do it.

Jay is helping her to push through the pain.

-Go on.

-Keep it going, keep it going, keep it going.

-Perfect.

-Well done, perfect.

-Go on.

Keep going...

Excellent. That's it.

-I can see loads of dark hair.

-Yeah.

-Go on, keep pushing.

HAZEL SQUEALS (Go on.)

-Oh!

-Calm, relax.

-I can feel him, though!

-I know, just relax.

HAZEL GROANS Hazel, relax.

-I'm knackered!

-I know you are.

-I know you are.

-I'm sorry, I just want him out!

-I know...

-He's absolutely fine.

You keep pushing, the next two pushes he'll be out, OK?

-Just go for it...

-Go on.

-..when you have the contractions, all right?

-MIDWIFE:

-Keep it going, keep going.

-Go on...

-Keep going.

That's it, go.

Keep pushing, keep pushing.

That's it, that's it, that's it!

-And again, go on.

-Keep pushing.

-Go on. That's it.

Keep pushing. Harder.

That's it. Well done, Hazel.

-MIDWIFE:

-Go on, don't shy away, don't shy away, you're doing great.

-You're doing really well, excellent. Go on.

-Go on.

-Well done, perfect.

-Go on.

Keep going...

Excellent. Keep pushing...

HAZEL PANTS AND GROANS

Despite all of Hazel's pushing, the baby's refusing to budge.

Just being a little bit of monkey, this one.

That's lidocaine, yep.

The doctor decides to use a ventouse,

a vacuum device to assist the birth.

Hazel, what we do is just put a cup on the baby's head,

and as you're pushing her, just give a gentle pull.

Hopefully, within a pull, baby should be out.

We may sometimes need a give a cut down below just to help to

deliver the baby. Are you OK with that, yeah?

I'll give you some local anaesthetic just to numb that

and then we'll do the delivery, OK?

You're doing really well, it's just there,

and the position will help you as well, OK?

Go on, push away.

-Go on, Haze.

-Push.

HAZEL GROANS

-Will they be out, the first pull?

-Yeah, maybe. Hopefully, yeah.

But you still gotta do the work. The doctor's only giving you a bit of a hand...

90% of the job is yours, I'm just helping guide the baby, OK.

-Go on.

-That's it well done, well done.

You're doing really well, OK. OK, just pant, Hazel.

Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow.

-Go on, that's it.

-Hard as you can, hard as you can.

HAZEL SCREAMS

Jay's anxiety about blood is being tested,

but it's overshadowed by his concerns for Hazel.

-Go on.

-That's it.

HAZEL GROANS AND SHOUTS

-Push, come on.

-Rest your bottom. Rest your bottom down.

-It's all right.

-Do I need to push?

-Yeah, go on, well done.

-Yeah, go on. Go.

-Go.

-That's it. OK, baby's head is out.

HAZEL PANTS

-MIDWIFE:

-OK, push.

-Go on.

-That's good, well done.

HAZEL GROANS

That's it.

Well done.

HAZEL CRIES OUT

Nearly there, nearly there...

HAZEL SCREAMS

-There he is.

-Oh, fuck!

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh, my God!

-Dad, do you want to cut the cord?

-Yeah, please. MIDWIFE:

-Hello!

HAZEL MOANS

Jay has faced his fears and is even managing to cut the cord.

Give me a kiss.

So that's time of birth, 20 past.

-There we go.

-Thanks.

-Well, she did all the work!

-I know, I'll give her a kiss first.

-MIDWIFE:

-Well done, you. You did it.

-There he is.

-HAZEL:

-Aw-w!

-MIDWIFE:

-Happy birthday, baby.

Oh, you're going to go to Daddy soon!

Put him that way.

Jay is now father to a healthy baby boy

weighing in at over 8lb, and he supported Hazel all the way.

'If I hadn't have done this, then, er...'

I'd have probably been absolutely hopeless.

I wouldn't have known what to expect,

what I shouldn't be doing...

where I should be stood, whatever, so...

'So, yeah, it has been really useful.

'You're not thinking about the blood or whatever,

'you're just interested in what your partner's doing or whatever.

'You know, it's daft.'

Looking back now, it's daft... thinking about it.

I think it's by far the best thing that I've ever...

..ever done.

Jay might be able to relax,

but the pressure's on for James as he joins Amber in theatre.

A C-section has been ruled out

but the doctors will make an incision and use forceps

to deliver the baby instead.

Amber, the doctor's just examining you to see where baby is

position-wise, all right?

James needs to put his own worries to one side

and stay strong for Amber.

It's coming, OK, so really push for the next time, all right?

You're doing very well.

Go on, really... Like you're having a big shit. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

-Keep pushing, Amber.

-Keep going, keep going, keep going.

That's baby's head coming. Well done.

With James being able to see what's going on,

he's able to communicate clearly and calmly with Amber.

Baby's coming, Amber.

-Does he have hair?

-He has hair.

-He has hair.

-Lots of hair.

All right, Amber, contraction's there, big push.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Come on, babe.

-Really big push.

-Come on.

Push into your bottom.

Go on.

Go on, babe. Go on.

-Well done.

-Go on. Keep going, keep going.

-How incredible is that?!

-I can't believe it.

If it hasn't got... If he doesn't have my nose,

then Amber owes me 100 quid. If he's got my nose, I owe Amber 100 quid.

Say hello to your mummy...

..because you are just gorgeous.

James has become the proud father to a baby boy.

He's managed to stay calm under pressure and not put his foot in it.

I'm well pleased. Yeah. He did it.

Hello, little man.

'James' face showed everything, didn't it? "I'm a dad."'

It was lovely. Moving.

Makes my throat go tight again.

And for someone who struggled to say the right thing,

now James knows exactly what to say.

BABY CRIES

Oh, that's all right, don't cry.

Daddy loves you.

Both Jay and James have overcome huge challenges to become

perfect birthing partners and the hands-on dads they wanted to be.

Jay did absolutely brilliantly.

I couldn't have asked for a better partner.

This process really helped, I think.

I'm so glad it was me and not Hazel's...Hazel's mum, you know.

James was amazing. I'm so proud of him.

He was really good, bless him.

# All my life I've been

# I've been waiting for someone like you, yeah... #

The sessions definitely helped keep me calm.

Even though I may have been panicking and upset,

not to show it to Amber and keep her calm.

So, definitely worth it.

I don't think I've got words to describe what it feels to be a dad.

It's the best...thing ever.

Come here, chuckle. Oliver.

Six weeks after the birth of son Oliver,

there have been big changes for James.

The midwife sessions have helped James loads.

'He doesn't get so stressed easy now

'and he doesn't wind me up as much either, so it's really nice.'

Daddy needs this leg, mate, thank you.

I love being a dad, like, it didn't hit me straightaway.

'It was kinda a week later it hit me,

'and it was such a surreal feeling.'

I wouldn't change it for the world.

BABY BURPS Ooh, that's nice(!)

First thing you say.

And in Stockport, Jay has taken to fatherhood like a natural.

I think the first time I saw Lewis I'll remember, um...

..for the rest of me life.

I'm really proud of Jay.

He was absolutely brilliant when we came back from the hospital.

He looked after Lewis,

he cleaned the house, did all the dishes, did all the washing -

he was brilliant - and looked after me as well as Lewis,

'so I'm really proud of him and he's done an excellent job.'

The old mother-in-law cardboard cut-out will probably have

a ceremonial burning in the back garden

or I might get the nun-chucks out.

Only kidding. HE LAUGHS

Next time on their mission to become the perfect birthing partners,

will Royal Marine Martin be ready for action in the delivery room...

-Martin!

-Argh! This is harder than it looks.

Do you think it's easy for her having a baby?

Any harder than this.

..and can teenager Gary overcome his squeamishness

and grow up in time to be a dad?

Baby's sucking milk out of your boobs.

It's wrong.

It's definitely time my man manned up.

# And I don't even know how I survive

# I won't make it down the road with one headlight

# No, I don't even know if I'm alive

# O-o-o-oh, without you now this is what it feels like. #