Episode 2 Find Me a Family

I see you there!

This is the story of seven children in Northern Ireland

who cannot live with their birth families.

My birth parents, I've seen them recently, but...

Yeah, I don't really have words.

They all want one thing - a secure, loving home.

Family doesn't mean blood to me.

They are among the thousands of children in Northern Ireland

who are in the temporary care of the state.

I need to find these children a home

which is better than the one they're in now.

As a result of their early experiences,

these children have complex needs.

She's 15 months behind.

She doesn't have the most comprehendible speech.

She may not get past P2 in mainstream school.

Finding them a permanent home is a long, tough process.

14 months we've been searching for carers for Angel,

so we've got to make sure that whoever is going to take her on

that they know exactly the care needs she's going to have.

Even when they find a family, they bring their past with them.

Children have to adapt to this notion that they have been chosen

on the one hand, but on the other hand

they have been given up by their birth family, and that's not easy.

Today in Northern Ireland, there are nearly 3,000 children

looked after by the state.

Sharon Lynn-Mcgregor runs a team of social workers

with 70 children in their care.

This section here are all children classified as a child in need.

They may be in the process of coming into care.

Some of these kids can have three files, seven files.

I mean, I have a lot of kids,

especially ones approaching 15, 16, can have 7, 8, 10 files.

You know, the history of their wee lives

from when social workers became involved.

Sharon needs to find them all permanent homes,

either through long-term fostering or adoption.

I want all of my children that I work with to have a family.

I want them to be loved.

I want them to be fully integrated

the way my children are fully integrated into my family.

And it's very difficult when you can't find that.

I want to lift Angel's file, actually.

Angel is four years old. She is living in a temporary foster home.

Nobody wants to separate children from their parents,

however, there are occasions when it really needs to be done.

And this was one of them.

Hello!

Angel was taken into care aged two.

She had suffered chronic neglect.

The foster carer very clearly recorded how her fingernails

and her toenails were all curled over, they were dirty.

She bathed her immediately

and she slept the clock round for three days.

A number of adopters have been approached about Angel

but they've all turned her down because of her learning difficulties.

The older Angel gets,

the harder it will be for her to adapt to a new home.

After 14 months of searching, Sharon knows time is running out.

The normal adoption process hasn't worked for Angel,

so Sharon and her team are trying another option.

I thought we could pin them up and show, like, what size she is,

-relatively.

-Yeah, just gives them a good idea...

There is to be an adoption open day, where profiles

of children who cannot find a home are shown to prospective adopters.

At the end of the day she's just a wee girl

and she just needs a mummy and daddy the way everyone else needs

a mummy and daddy, and that's really what we're seeking to do.

Sharon and Lauren have a few hours to set up their stand

before the adopters arrive.

-What you think, one big photo here?

-Mm.

Today, up to 45 couples from across Northern Ireland

will see Angel's profile.

We have so many children coming through

with developmental uncertainty.

And we need special people who can see past the labels

that are given to them.

-Look at her wee teeth.

-I know.

You can still see the decay on her teeth.

She is 15 months behind. She doesn't have the most comprehensible speech.

She may not get past P2 in mainstream school.

But she's got the most beautiful smile.

She just wants to engage with people

and we've got to help them see those attributes.

Sharon knows that children with complex needs are hard to place.

She's not optimistic today.

-Do you think you're going to find anybody?

-Um...

I think, realistically, no.

Only 72 children were adopted in Northern Ireland last year.

Ten-year-old William is one of the lucky ones.

Like Angel, he was taken into care.

He's been adopted by Colin and Christina McFarland.

From birth, William was only with the birth mother for a very,

very brief period of time.

Only maybe a few weeks.

And then William had a short time in hospital,

and after that William went straight into care.

William lived with temporary foster carers until he was two.

He then moved to the McFarlands', who started the adoption process.

This is where we keep William's memory box and photographs

that came with him when he moved from the foster carers.

This is a file, bits and pieces of William.

There's an album that the foster carer put together for us

with photographs prior to William coming to us. William?

Aw, look at that wee face!

We missed all them years, didn't we?

It took three years for William's adoption to go through the courts,

as his birth parents fought to keep him.

We didn't think that it was going to take that long

-for the adoption to go through.

-No.

But I suppose the birth parents had their view as well,

and that was listened to an awful lot.

But, thankfully, that day when we heard that, you know,

enough was enough, William was going to court and we were going to be

his adoptive parents, was a very exciting day.

-Aw, there's you ready for bed.

-I always do that.

CHRISTINA LAUGHS

Oh, that is so cute.

-We never introduce William as our adopted son.

-No.

Never, ever would that come into our mind. He is just William.

Some people say, "Do you have any children?"

"Yes, we have William." And that's where it stops.

Um, that there is my adoption day certificate.

I got this when I was adopted

and it confirms that I'm part of a proper family now,

because I can lead a proper family life

and not be going between families in, like, foster care.

My birth mum and dad didn't know how to look after me.

The way you're supposed to feed a baby after four hours,

every four hours, and...

they didn't do that, they just left me to sleep.

That's when social services got involved and they moved me,

and whenever I got to a foster carer I had to be fed every two hours.

It makes me feel a bit odd because everyone else is living

a normal, straight-through life, while me, I have been moving...

It's kind of like a piece of paper, but like a piece of wood,

and every other people's is just smooth wood and, like, mine

has just been chopped with an axe a wee bit, like, scuffed. Um...

So that's how it really makes me feel. That's how I describe it.

Nearly from day one when William came to us,

he started to talk about a sibling.

I started praying and, as a family,

we feel we have enough love to give for another child.

And I think for William to grow up to have a sibling is good.

The McFarlands are waiting for social workers

to match them with a second child.

As part of this process, they've been invited to the adoption open day.

It's quite sad that children have to come to an open day like this

and be on display.

But obviously they need a mummy and daddy.

It could be us.

I can see two social workers

and you see a lot of potential parents going in and coming out.

Everybody here is in the same boat.

Everybody here is looking for a child.

Colin and Christina are just one of many prospective

adoptive couples here today.

Whenever we come to a profiling day, we are all very conscious

that there is a perception that we are selling children.

If this sometimes is what it takes to find that special person,

then I think we do have to challenge ourselves, even though

we may feel uncomfortable with it.

It's been a long day for Sharon and her team.

For the McFarlands, there's been an unexpected outcome.

We came in with really no expectations other than for us

to have our name out there, so people would know,

so the different agencies within the trust would know,

but not expecting any in any shape or form to be

excited about the potential of this little girl.

We came in and we registered

and then we were advised to go watch a movie of all the children.

Good girl!

And it was this one little girl who we just were drawn to.

And we were just taken in by this little face. She's just beautiful.

And as we believe she would fit so well into our family,

and taking William into consideration.

It's just a wonderful feeling, overwhelming.

Her husband just said, "I think this is the child for us."

And then he said, "Can we say that?"

SHE CHUCKLES

It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

They just connected with that child.

And you could just see in their face that they had seen their child.

After 14 months of searching, could the McFarlands be Angel's new family?

Across Northern Ireland,

children entering the care system for the first time

begin their journey in fostering with social workers like Grainne Nelson.

A lot of our children that we would work with come from poverty.

They come from deprivation and they come from families

where their parents can't really make appropriate choices

about their own finances, about what they want to do,

what they won't want to do, in terms of money. A lot of drugs, alcohol,

some domestic violence, a lot of mental health. Some physical health.

So it's almost a perfect storm for a lot of these children.

Grainne works for one of the fostering teams

in Belfast Health and Social Care Trust.

Social workers here manage more than 350 foster carers.

They match these carers with the children

coming into the care of the state.

He's a lovely ten-year-old boy.

He can at times find it difficult to hug,

but he's becoming more open about his feelings.

Grainne's job is to coordinate finding homes for these children.

We have lots of planes and there are children in various different

holding patterns and not enough runways to put them on.

His care plan is long-term,

there's no way about...at all.

'We need to take all the features of a child,

'all their matching considerations,'

and match it perfectly to

a carer sitting waiting with open arms to take them.

That rarely happens.

-There's six kids.

-Yeah, yeah.

This is not good. It's six kids.

I think we're going to need to do the six kids

before we do your own list.

-Six?!

-Six.

So all those previous discussions for all those other children

are literally put on ice.

A family of six children was taken into care over the weekend

and now short-term foster carers are needed for all of them.

The ambulance was called and a baby was removed on Friday.

Their priority is to try

and keep as many of the siblings together as possible.

Do you think this might be a good option for the girls?

Two of the girls.

My memory is that she has enough room for three children.

-Three is OK.

-To place them?

-Yeah.

There's a limited pool of emergency carers to call on.

Let's work on the premise we've no carers.

-Isn't nobody over east?

-No, there's not at the minute.

It says it's an emergency. It really is an emergency.

There is no choice but to separate the children and put them into

temporary foster care while a plan is agreed for the long-term future.

We struggle to place siblings

because there's very few of our carers... They will have free beds,

but they'll not have two free beds or three.

And we do have big sibling groups of five, six.

A couple of summers ago we had ten. So...

And then you have to enter into discussion with fieldwork

about which children we place together,

and that's a hard conversation to have.

Social workers strive to keep brothers and sisters

together in care, but there aren't enough carers able to

accommodate big family groups.

Where are those cards?

Eh...

These four children were split up when they first came into care.

Choose a number between one and six, and say it out loud.

Angel-Leigh, Ashton, Mya and Abigail were separated into

two foster homes, and lived apart for almost two years.

But Jacki and Paul are their new foster parents

and want to adopt them.

-Did you...?

-Yes, it is!

LAUGHTER

-Oh, wow!

-Thank you, thank you, bye!

-Excellent, Angel.

-Good job, great magician.

I think now, looking at it, thinking they could have grown up separately,

just... It just doesn't even seem bearable.

-OK.

-That's your card.

Adoption, primarily, is not about this couple who cannot have

their own children fulfilling the role of being a mum and a dad.

Yes, that gets fulfilled, but in very much a secondary role.

Primarily, it's all about that child...having permanence

and finding security and stability in their life.

For maybe the first time ever.

Jacki and Paul have had years of experience

working with traumatised children in South Africa,

and always wanted a big family.

It's not just having four... little people in your house,

it's four little people that, at times, can have huge emotions.

When you have kids that have come from such trauma,

then, we really felt, "They need to connect with us,

"they need to know where their secure base is."

We just kept them with us, we didn't actually have

one night out ourselves for the first 12 months.

This is our trees. And we've grown... Saturday, I think, was it?

We took them out the ground and then we planted them...

Is it going to be, like, very tall trees like those?

It'll be the same as the ones by the driveway,

same as those ones over in Dennis's field.

This is our boat that we use if we go on the water.

But at the minute we can't, because Abigail has a broken arm.

When I very first came here I felt, um, scared, but now...

I'm used to it now. So... Now I really like it here.

Because we have so much fun and we...

We always get to play together. And it's easier

cos us four are all together.

Have a look...

I think, as a sibling group they have been through so much -

they are astute children. They are tuned in to each other,

they are tuned in to adults.

And so they... In some ways they are very old before their time.

You expect big emotions, with Christmas, with birthdays.

Mother's Day, Father's Day.

But it's the random things that catch you off-guard.

We've got plenty of room to play and...we get fed.

At least we do... Cos the other people didn't.

So that's...everything.

What the children want more than anything is to take on

Jacki and Paul's surname. This can only happen

when they are officially adopted.

This photo here is Jacki and Paul. There's Ashton, Mya...

and that's Angel-Leigh and there's me...

We don't have our Bradley surname yet,

but when it comes to the name-changing day,

we're going to all have Bradley as our surname,

and we're all going to be changed.

And, er...

But sometimes now we like to call ourselves Bradley sometimes.

And we like to write it down.

The adoption should have gone through in summer 2014,

but the children's birth family want to keep them,

and the adoption is now at risk.

Still now, we're sitting in December,

and we actually have no clue as to when the adoption will take place.

We're not quite sure where that will leave us...as a family.

The children have found a home but the security they need

is still a long way off.

Adoption severs the connection between a child

and birth parents forever. It's the biggest decision our courts can make.

In Northern Ireland, that process takes years,

as other family members must be ruled out first.

If a birth parent fights the decision, it means further delay.

Colin and Christina waited years to adopt their first child, William,

as the courts took time to rule out his birth family.

Now they want to adopt a second, four-year-old Angel.

Thank you for being with us, and we look forward to

having Angel with us, and thank you for this good food

and bless it to our use in Jesus' name, Amen.

They saw her profile a week ago, at an adoption open day.

I think we were all quite high after it, I think they were, we were,

and we all had to bring ourselves down to say,

"Do you know what? We're... We have to... There's processes

"that we have to follow here. We need to make sure that our hearts

"aren't ruling our heads. And follow those through."

We know we have a child here who is suffering from

significant delay. We also have a couple who have previously adopted,

and have another child to think of. And we need to make sure that

if we were to match her with them,

that it would be right.

Sharon believes the McFarlands are the right family for Angel,

but they must now be approved as a match

by the Northern Trust Adoption Panel.

This team of professionals will weigh up Sharon's report,

and may make a decision today.

We've just had a minute or two just to go over your information

we've got. And basically you're proposing that Angel

be placed with the McFarlands.

Are you secure in their ability to cope?

The exchange day was on a Tuesday, so, you know...

I requested that we just give the McFarlands the rest of that week,

without following it up very quickly, to let things

-settle a wee bit.

-Sharon and I subsequently visited

in early November. And we were very clear with them about...

Angel could hit a brick wall with that progress and it may peak,

you know. And we've had those very frank discussions with them.

14 months we've been searching for carers for Angel,

so we don't want to mislead anybody in any way.

We've got to make sure that whoever is going to take her on,

that they know exactly, you know, the care needs that she's going

to have, and the type of parenting that she's going to need.

So, we're left with... Do we feel we should...approve

and say that the links should go ahead? And I think...

We're saying that unanimously? So, yeah...

So that gives you the freedom to carry on with the work.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Thank you.

-OK.

-It's quite formal, isn't it?

-Yeah.

It's really pleasing to come in here...

You know, that the other professionals agree with us,

and that, you know, this child has a home now, she has a family

and we can really start the introductions

and ramp up what we're doing in terms of the contact,

and it's really exciting.

So it is. This is the good part.

SHE CHUCKLES

With the formal link made, Sharon can now take Angel to meet

her new family for the first time.

-Go in there...

-You're going to go over there...

Where are we going to go, Angel?

What are we going to do? Feed the...?

-Feed the ducks.

-Good girl.

-Go feed the ducks.

-Hi.

-Hello!

-Hello, how are you?

-I'm going...

-Do you go over there?

-Will we all go and feed the ducks?

-Oh, that's...

-Yes, we can come with you. Is that OK?

-Let's go!

LAUGHTER

After all the weeks of paperwork and process,

this moment is all about the connection between Angel

and her new parents.

'I am satisfied with the information I've received.

'With the time I've spent with these people,

'with the questions I've asked. With the probing that we have done.'

I'm clearly not needed.

LAUGHTER

Redundant!

Oh, Angel, you are a great girl.

-You really are.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Angel will be fostered by the McFarlands

until the courts free her for adoption, which could take months.

Her journey is just beginning.

Long-term care provides children with stability.

But that, on its own, isn't enough.

Many fail to cope with feelings of rejection long into adulthood.

Shannon Campbell is 18 and struggling to come to terms with her past.

She was taken into care as a toddler and fostered

before her carers applied for a residence order.

It's like long-term fostering, but...

..when a child on a residence order becomes 18...

..then the residence order is up and you don't really belong to anyone.

-INTERVIEWER:

-So, do you feel that you don't belong to anybody?

Sort of, yeah.

Shannon had sporadic contact with her birth family when she was younger,

but hasn't seen them in years.

She's become angry about her situation

and has moved out of the home she's lived in nearly all her life.

Gosh, that yard needs power hosed.

Sandra and Patrick have been Shannon's carers

since she was 16 months old. She calls them her mum and dad.

These are what's left of Shannon's bits and pieces.

Here, this box... Here... That's not...

And there's boxes in the wardrobe here, still belonging to Shannon.

This was Shannon's room here.

It's sad that there's nothing left here of her.

But it's a decision she has made and, erm, it's heartbreaking...

There's a lot of questions that Sharon needs answered.

And...we really can't answer them for her.

They were... She, along with her siblings, were abandoned.

Erm...

And that's a rejection that she's finding very hard, now,

at the moment, to cope with.

This is her home. Her home from when she was 16 months old.

-VOICE BREAKS:

-And hopefully it will be her home again.

Shannon has moved in with one of Sandra's relatives for a few weeks.

She has recently got hold of her care records.

-These...are my foster files.

-She hopes they will explain

why she and her siblings were taken into care.

-There's actually a lot of it blacked out.

-Yeah.

-What's annoying you most?

-It's just it didn't say

what I wanted it to say.

I know there's a lot on my contact records

of my dad not showing up to access.

That's what I'm annoyed with.

I've come to terms with... I'm not going to get the answers...

Just...something I'm going to have to live with.

You go and you say, "I don't care."

But really, at the back of your head you do care.

You try to push it aside, but the more you push it aside

the more you're starting to think about it and then...

It makes you annoyed.

It's very hard not to be emotionally tied to a child,

even though the child is not yours. Em...

You know, you just fall in love with them.

And it's very hard to say, "This is not my child.

"My job is just to feed, clothe and rear them...

"to as best as you can."

But fostering isn't like that.

You know, you do fall in love with them,

you do want to give them the best.

It's like wanting to erase the mistakes.

And fix things... like a sticky plaster won't fix.

Social worker Sharon has the official letter to say Angel

has been matched with the McFarlands.

She had hoped to deliver it today, but there's another emergency.

I literally have a child's life packed up in my office here today,

cos the child is moving again.

This will be her third placement within two weeks,

so hopefully this will be somewhere she can stay,

but, I mean, it is very sad. You know, I have Christmas presents

for people in boxes on one side,

and I have a child's life in a plastic bag on the other.

-Delivery for you.

-Oh, thank you.

I've been waiting for this.

The McFarlands now have a few weeks

to get their house ready for Angel's move.

There's a carefully choreographed plan in place

for Angel to get to know her new family.

Regardless of how good you think a match is,

it's still a transition for that child.

That child is leaving the home

and the carers that they've become familiar with

and sometimes, our kids, if we've searched a long time for carers,

have been there quite a while.

And it is a big move.

Today, Angel is visiting her new home for the first time.

Can I see my bed?

-Do you want to see your bed, sweetheart?

-Up there.

-Up there, yes.

-What's in this one?

-What's in this one? Nothing yet.

Maybe one day, we'll put some of your clothes in.

Here's a little baby, and what's this?

-Cookie!

-Yes.

-Cookie goes on my bed.

-Does he?

You put him on your bed, then.

He's for the bed.

I have just chatted to the foster care.

-And she will give me a...

-That's me.

-Yeah.

She will give me a list of a typical day for Angel

and her routine - her likes and dislikes.

And then, we'll take it from there.

And I suppose, coming here is a new beginning for her,

so there'll be new ways of doing things.

It's not going to be the exact way,

so she will fit into our family, in her own time.

Coming up in the car today, she was talking about her new home -

Angel's home - she was so excited to come and see her bedroom.

-I've seen my bedroom!

-Yeah. Angel's seen her bedroom today. It's lovely.

-That's me!

-Yes, you're up there on the wall, in the picture.

-This is your home, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Angel's house.

This is my house.

Yes, it is your house.

-I like my new house.

-You like your new house, yes.

With her development not being as far on

as it should have been by now...

Will we reach a peak where it's not going to go any further?

And that's something we have to be realistic about.

That yes, she may not be a high achiever, but you know what?

There's a place for those people.

I wasn't very brainy at school.

Look at me now, I've got a job that I love, job satisfaction.

And I believe the same for Angel.

We will be there to support her

and help her to achieve her dreams.

We don't know those dreams yet, but they will soon be evident to us

and we will be there to help and guide her.

-What's in there?

-Do you want to see William's room?

-Yes.

Right, let's go and see William's room. This way. Here, look, Angel.

William's room. Your brother's room.

-Whoa...

-Uh-huh. Your brother's room.

-That's mine.

-That's William's. That's William's.

-And mine.

-That's you and William.

Mummy's bedroom is in here.

This is Mummy and Daddy's bedroom.

After 14 months of searching,

it will take just four weeks to move Angel into her new home.

Moving a child into foster care can happen quickly,

but the next step to adoption can take years.

Come, girls.

Mia, come put this on.

Jacki and Paul Bradley have spent the last 14 years

trying for a family.

Six years ago, they applied to become adopters.

We were very clear as to what we wanted to achieve.

There was no hesitation on our part.

I mean, we were on board

and it didn't matter what hoops we had to jump through,

we were going to go for it.

-So, they're making a wee dam. Shall we do it too?

-Yeah.

The children have been in the Bradleys' care for almost two years.

They now know the adoption can go ahead,

but the process continues to be beset by delays.

We have four children here constantly nagging us

as to when is their name going to be changed?

When are they going to be adopted? Why is it taking so long?

So, it has been very, very difficult.

The delays in the case are partly due to

the amount of time that must be given in Northern Ireland

to hearing the birth parents' views.

The four people who should be in the centre of all this

and should be the most important people in this case

unfortunately don't seem to have been.

Here we go, try that, son.

See how well the dam works.

CHEERING

They have, in many ways, felt let down by the system.

And so, when a social worker - as lovely as they may be -

comes and says, you're going to be adopted, this is your family,

I think until it actually happens...

These kids are not stupid, so why would they invest in that?

Jacki and Paul know they're near the end of their journey,

but at times, it feels a long way off.

'Currently, we are one year on

'from the judge granting the freeing order.

'And at this point,

'we feel as if we're no closer to our adoption hearing.'

Social workers like Grainne Nelson

are struggling to make the system work.

There are more children being referred

and not enough carers to look after them.

Just going to go and grab some coffee first,

before we get organised.

Every Monday, we have a meeting, just to look at the children

that we really do, absolutely need placed today.

And we've had a bit of a hellish month in January,

and January is always very busy.

Christmas is not a good time.

Sometimes, there's a wee bit more alcohol taken,

families get together who wouldn't normally get together

and then the kids fall into the midst of a bit of chaos.

So...busy time, generally.

Today, the team need to find a place for two young brothers.

They were due to be adopted, but the couple have pulled out.

Now, at the minute, both boys are placed together.

Carers have fallen through, quite recently.

They can't go on with them.

One of those boys has had three separate foster carers -

he's on his third foster carer now.

And that's nothing to do with his behaviour, or his presentation.

That's because the system could not place him

in a short-term foster placement which was going to last -

which is very sad.

Experienced foster carers are needed to look after the brothers

while new adopters are found.

Senior social worker Angela has carers in mind,

but they've asked for a few weeks off and might not be available.

How are you bearing up with the quiet house?

I bet it was, I bet it was.

The field team have begged me to ask you,

would you take two little ones again?

They have an adoptive breakdown and we were wondering

whether you would give us three to six months?

Our carers, they're meant to be all things to all people.

They're meant to be therapists, nurses, doctors,

mums, dads, everything.

And I think our expectations of even our carers,

who don't receive a salary, are very, very high.

Children with a background in care

can face emotional turmoil from their early experiences.

It's the carers who must deal with the fallout.

Shannon Campbell was taken into care as a baby.

She hasn't seen her birth mother in years.

She hasn't done nothing for me,

she didn't look after me.

She didn't bother showing up to most of the contacts, so...

I remember one time, I was about six and it was Christmas,

cos we always went down to my nanny's house.

She turned round, she told me she loved me

and I turned round and went, "You don't love me.

"You're not my mummy."

I remember that.

As a child, Shannon had some contact with her birth family.

Sandra and Patrick gave her a loving, secure home.

But as she grew older,

the knowledge that her birth family had rejected her became overwhelming.

Five days ago, she went missing.

No forwarding address for Shannon.

We don't know where she is, where she's living...

She's not communicating with us, so her post is...over there.

So, I don't know what's going to happen.

We don't know where she's gone, we don't know where she's living

and any time we've tried to talk to her, to ring her,

the phone's switched off.

There's questions to be answered about her welfare, at the moment.

Certainly about her ability to...

..look after herself.

How often do you think about her?

All the time. Oh...

And you go through your mind, "What have I done wrong?

"What should we have done?

"Is there something that we should have done?" You know?

Part of her problem was rejection by her biological mother...

..and that had had a very big effect on her.

In the past, children left their birth families behind

to make a new start.

But Northern Ireland now has open adoptions

and children maintain contact with their birth families.

William was six when he was adopted by Colin and Christina.

-QUACK

-How are you today?

QUACK

TOY QUACKS SONG

He sees his birth parents four times a year.

This is my life book.

I've got some good memories from this

and some not-so-good memories from it.

Do you ever think about your birth parents?

My birth parents?

I get to see them regularly.

I've seen them recently, but, er...

Yeah, I don't really have words.

'It's not really William asking for contact.'

It's more a requirement for the birth parents.

William would find it difficult.

We have to be honest, William does find it difficult...

..reliving it every year -

and it has its challenges, but it's not impossible.

The good thing is that the children know where they come from.

There's no secrecy.

They will not make up their own fantasies about

"My mummy and daddy, they are this, or they have that."

It's very much fact and I suppose, for William,

now he knows who his birth parents are and as he grows up,

he can choose if he wants to keep them in his life, or not.

That's my first shoe.

Wow.

Linda Wiesner is with the Northern Trust post adoption team.

It's unique in the UK, offering support to children like William.

At each point in their development,

a child is required to look at and think about, "Why am I adopted?

"What does it mean to be adopted?

"What does it mean to be part of two families?"

And sometimes, we find children struggle with that.

Children have to adapt to this notion -

that they have been chosen on the one hand,

but on the other hand, they have been given up.

And that's not easy.

Hello.

Good to see you.

William is struggling with contact.

He saw his birth mum last week

and is upset at how much time she spent on the phone during the visit.

I can tell my mummy doesn't really spend time with me.

That's how I feel about it.

OK, and how did you feel when she talked to you?

I felt kind of happy about it, but it doesn't happen that often, so..

OK. Mm-hmm.

Well, do you think it's something

that I could talk to your birth mum about?

-I don't want...me doing it.

-OK.

I'd rather do social services.

There's a lot of young people who are your age

who think like you - who think, maybe it needs to change.

Maybe I don't want to go for a while.

Maybe want to go a bit more, maybe I want to go a bit less.

Maybe I want to write, instead.

Tell me one thing that would make it better,

when you actually do go to see her.

-Can you think of one thing?

-She doesn't bring her phone.

It is very, very complex,

and even for children who understand why they're having contact,

even for adoptive parents who are supportive of contact,

for both parents who've accepted that their child is adopted,

it is still an minefield of relationships to work through.

-Yeah, she needs to finish her breakfast.

-That's mine!

Not only are Colin and Christina managing William's birth family,

But now, they must begin to work with Angel's family too.

Does Emily like her breakfast? Yeah?

Angel's birth parents can see her every fortnight

while she is still a foster child.

I got a text there saying that contact is taking place today.

So, I've just shared that with Angel on the way home from school that

that's where we're going so she's quite excited.

'We know very little about her birth parents.

'So there is not much for us to share with Angel and to explain

'who her birth parents are.

'With William, we could have said

'that it wasn't that his birth parents didn't love him -

'they do love him, but they were just not able to look after him.'

-21st. It's my contact!

-It's your contact, yes.

Photographs. OK. Photographs.

'Now, with Angel, it would be wrong for us to start to

'try and share things with her, because they may not be the truth.'

Here, hold on, sweetheart.

Mummy will leave you in.

Contact lasts for an hour and is supervised by social worker Sharon.

Angel's parents will continue to oppose the care plan of adoption.

They do not want her to be adopted. They do not want her even to remain

in the long-term care of the trust. Certainly, the last conversation

that the social worker and I had with Mum and Dad a few weeks ago,

they are both asking, "What do we need to do to have Angel back?"

They have been told on quite a significant number of occasions

things that they would need to engage with, in terms of that,

that they have not done.

We got her that over in Blackpool.

Sharon is Angel's birth mother. She lives on her own in Belfast.

I can just see her...

I can just imagine her sat in that now on my knee.

Just looking at the coat now, you can just see her there in it.

It's...it's unreal.

It's not making me sad or anything, but...

..it's just like a good memory now, if I look back on it, that we had.

I couldn't wait, ever. She was just beautiful.

Fell in love with her straight away.

Oh, she was so cute.

Just remember her now, in my arms.

Sharon moved to Northern Ireland with Angel's father.

She had a history with social services.

When Angel was a few months old, they were called in.

They tried repeatedly to support Sharon, but eventually Angel

was taken into care due to chronic neglect.

It was on my birthday, at ten to eleven.

They came in and told me to get her ready

and they took her, on that day,

which was horrible, really. Especially on my birthday, like.

I was having a little party in the bedroom.

We was full of cake and crisps. You can imagine the mess

of a little one. She was messy that day, yeah.

But other than that, she was looked after and stuff.

Never neglected or anything.

Sharon was offered the chance of rehabilitation.

They wanted us to do, like, parenting classes

and stuff like that, at the time.

I refused it, because I'd already had four other children,

so I thought, "I don't need it."

After a few months, Angel's parents were ruled out as her primary carers.

They just said, "She will be adopted."

It was a bit of a shock, but I've took it all in and...seen that

she is happy with the people she is with and I wouldn't want to,

like, pick her up and bring her out of the happiness

and, you know, disturb her. I want her to be happy

and have a good life, education and everything.

Not spoil it for her. Let her be happy.

It was a bad childhood for me. I was abused as a little girl.

13 to 14 I think I was when I was put in care.

And I came out just before my 16th birthday.

It was... It wasn't that bad, being in care.

I'd rather have been at home, but it was one of them things

that happened, because of the abuse.

-What kind of life do you want for Angel?

-The best.

The best that she can have.

After going missing and cutting off all contact,

Shannon has got back in touch with Sandra and Patrick.

Bit nervous about going back to the house. Haven't been there in ages.

And the meeting up with them.

I've been talking to Mummy, so...

It will take time.

The last six weeks...

..found out I was pregnant...

..and moved out of Elaine's.

Moved in with my boyfriend.

Not much has happened(!)

No hug for your sister?

-OK. We're the same size. I think.

-No, sit there.

-There's nothing there.

-No, I know.

-Other's nothing there.

Where's the baby?!

I was in this one.

It's different.

SHE SIGHS

Right, Shannon. Take plenty. It's good for you.

Shannon!

-I don't like tomatoes.

-Well, take some lettuce.

-I'll eat the leaves.

Yes, cos it's good for you. Take plenty.

Some fruit?

That's good for you.

Eat your greens.

A grape is green!

'I am glad I came. Obviously, Mummy and Daddy'

is going to be Granny and Grandda.

Boyfriend's parents are going to be Gran and Grandda, too.

First day at school.

'A family isn't always blood. It's really who stands by you

-'and who doesn't.'

-Fancy dressed. Fairy.

Ah, look at you. You're a wee cutie.

'I don't want my child going through'

social services. I'll have nothing to do with her

or social workers.

'I'll be a good mummy.'

'Today is the day that has been dreamed about.'

(Look, there is a barrister.)

-He has got his robes on, do you see?

-What is a barrister?

-A fancy lawyer.

'Just last week, Paul had said to the children,

"Mum has something to tell you"

'and Angel had said, "Is it name-change day?"

'And we were actually able to say, "Yes, it is."

'As soon as they woke up this morning, "Can we go to court?

"Can we go now and do it?"

We'll have to see if Granny and Grandda are here yet, eh?

After 1,182 days in care,

a simple ten-minute hearing will see the children legally adopted.

We have just completed our adoption hearing.

Judge Miller presided and, just a couple of minutes after that,

the event has happened and the children are now

officially and legally Bradleys.

'It is all done and dusted. It is pretty incredible.'

There we go.

So, guys, it actually happened.

With the legalities over,

the Bradley family celebrate their day.

'It has been really good.'

Mum started crying.

After that, I felt really, really excited, cos I was a Bradley now.

'The adoption hearing definitely brings a sense of, I suppose, peace'

and there is a finality to all of this now. Even just today,

saying goodbye to the guardian and goodbye to the social workers,

just knowing that the line has been drawn under all of the proceedings

and the years of going through all of this, to know that it is

at a close now and that this is it.

The children are ours. There is no going back.

Nobody is coming to take them off us.

'Yeah, this is it.'

-Do you think this is a day you will always remember?

-Definitely.

-Tell me about that.

-I will maybe tell my kids one day.

After years of waiting, the children, finally, have the love,

the home and the security they have always wanted.

William is in Sweden, visiting his extended adopted family.

I am not Swedish. My mum is Swedish.

But I enjoy Sweden, cos it's a really good country.

IMITATES ANIMAL BRAYING

What was that for?

It's just... I think that's the noise an elk makes.

The elk dens are down there, so they are.

Why is it important to have grandparents?

So that you can find out what your parents' past was like.

And why is that important?

So that you can see if you can try and be the same.

What was my mummy like when she was younger?

She was very obedient.

She was lovely little girl.

This is Angel's first visit to her new grandparents.

You know, it was exciting, getting a little sister -

something we have been longing for for a long, long time.

'But the reality of everyday living,

'there are times William wants a little break from his sister.'

She is good at teasing. And she knows what buttons to press already,

to get big brother to be a bit upset.

WILLIAM CRIES

Angel has been with the family for only two months...

Don't cry!

..but already, the bonds are clear.

-Can you carry that yourself?

-Yes!

-Wow!

Hold on tight, tight, tight. All right?

We go this way. OK.

We go.

-Hold her hand, maybe, if it's slippy.

-I hold your hand?

'We have beautiful memories of William. At birthdays, Christmas,

'Easter holidays -

'memories where William will treasure for the rest of his life.

'Now, we will be doing that'

as a family of four, rather than a family of three.

And, for Angel, we will create new memories - positive memories.

-Isn't that fun?

-Can we do it again?

We can't change the past, but we can change the future.

20 years ago... my mum knitted that.

It's a hat and a little cardigan for a little girl.

And it's been kept in a bag for us all this time.

And now, my beautiful daughter gets it, to enjoy it.

So, in one sense, the little girl got it.

Whose mummy is that?

-Mummy!

-Mummy's mummy!

And whose daddy is that?

Mummy.

-Mummy's daddy!

-And Daddy!

-So she...

-That's a big step for her.

-Yeah.

For her, to have got this far...

..and she caught on to that quite quickly.

I think it is a basic need within all of us -

wanting to belong.