Episode 5 Fix My Family


Episode 5

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For a week the peaceful island of Lusty Beg

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in the Lakelands of Fermanagh

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has become home to three families desperate

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to change their lives.

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They're part of Northern Ireland's growing obesity crisis

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and these families have decided to do something about it.

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Isobel, Nick and daughter, Rachael,

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Ryan, Ellie, Mum Cara and stepdad, Johnny

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and mother and daughter, Rosie and Ellen,

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have come to the island to take part in a tough regime

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designed and delivered by a team of experts

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to tackle the families' nutrition, fitness and well-being.

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It's a week of heightened emotions...

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SHE LAUGHS

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SHE CRIES

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..hard work...

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Push! Push! Push!

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..and honesty.

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There's no harm in it, but it'd be nice to have a flirt.

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So far this week the families have been tested to their limits.

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Over five days they've been pushed physically...

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On Friday, I want you to run a mile with me.

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..challenged mentally...

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I feel like saying, you know, I know I'm fat, but I'm not deaf.

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..and old eating habits have been forgotten

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as they've taken up a new regime of healthy eating and cooking

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as part of this potentially life changing experience.

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It's really nice, actually.

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It's the family's last full day on the island

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and what better way to start it than to take advantage

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of the beautiful natural surroundings?

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These two giant canoes lashed together are called Dragon Boats.

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And there's room for everyone.

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-There's water getting in!

-Bah!

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LAUGHS

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I think we might get slightly wet.

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We introduced the Dragon Boats this week, purely because it was fun.

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Let's take longer strokes.

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It's a great way of exercising without realising you're doing it.

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You use a lot of your core muscles - abs,

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upper body and they're working out,

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but you don't get that perception out on the water.

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You're enjoying being out on the water.

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# Lusty Beg is so good... #

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ALL LAUGH

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# Even though you get no food

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# Even though you get no food

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# But we're going to lose a few stone

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# But we're going to lose a few stone

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# Then you'll be able to see our bones! #

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ALL LAUGH

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Very good.

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Looking ahead to tomorrow's return home,

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clinical psychologist Dr Rachel Andrew

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wants the children to think about coping strategies.

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For this session we've got the idea of a suitcase

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and this would be like a mind suitcase.

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Does anyone have any ideas immediately

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about what they want to put in their suitcase?

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Could you draw items like

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how you're eating, like, a strawberry or something?

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Yeah, definitely, or even the feelings -

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you might draw little faces with different feelings on.

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Erm, absolutely, yes.

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Well, shall we get started? Shall we draw some things,

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or do some writing on the suitcases that you've got?

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I know Ellie we were talking about caring for people and,

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Ryan, I guess you see Ellie much more than anyone else.

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Are there things that she does that you like?

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-No!

-Well I know, because the two of you

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-don't always get on very well, do you?

-No.

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-Are you saying that there's nothing?

-No.

-Really?

-Yes.

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Oh, that's really sad.

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-I know.

-Do you think you will look forward to going home?

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Yeah.

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-I'm looking forward to seeing how I get on.

-Are you?

-Yes.

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How confident are you, Ellie, about how you'll get on?

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Well, I'm pretty confident,

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because I'm quite proud of myself of what we did last night

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-and proud of my brother as well.

-Right.

-Be quiet!

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-You don't think Ellie's proud of you?

-It's not that,

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she's just saying that in front of the cameras.

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When everybody gets off it will be different.

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-You don't think she's very genuine?

-No.

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Ryan, can you think what Ellie might be upset about?

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Don't know.

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Doesn't sound like you're too...

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..too bothered?

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-No.

-No.

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Ellie, I've not got a tissue, sweetheart.

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ELLIE CRIES

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You know your....

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you and Ryan, how you don't get on, is that what's upsetting you?

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Yes.

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Because Ryan's not too sure, I guess, he's thinking he doesn't know

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when you're telling the truth and not telling the truth.

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Did you know that?

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-No.

-So it was a bit of a shock to hear that?

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Yes.

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Can I have time out?

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-Do you want a little bit of time on your own?

-Yeah.

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That would seem OK.

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Yeah, I thought

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our relationship was sort of OK. Then just did that on TV.

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Oh, I see.

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-Do you worry people will think you're not a very good brother?

-Yes.

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-How?

-I was sly to her.

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Ah.

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Do you think you are a good brother to Ellie then?

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Well yeah, I thought so, but...

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Apparently not.

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During their week on the island, the families have been encouraged

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to be hands on in the kitchen and learn some new skills.

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You know that lovely bread you've been having for breakfast?

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I want you to make your own loaf.

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When I was thinking about the best way

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to approach food for the families,

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I really thought it was very important to make them hands on.

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You don't need a bread maker. It's basic ingredients.

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It's cheap as. It'll save you money...

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'So we're not just giving them everything.'

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It's not like a holiday - they have to step up and get involved.

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And when it's baked you can take it back to your own lodge.

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How does that sound? Yeah.

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That's really important, I think, because if they sit out,

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when they go back they're not going to be any further on.

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It's stone ground, extra coarse, if possible. A pound of that.

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Half a pound of pinhead - which is porridge oats.

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Two level teaspoonfuls of bicarbonate of soda,

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two level teaspoons of salt and a walnut of butter.

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OK, pick up your salt and pour it on your pinhead.

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Pour in your walnut of butter.

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Stir in all your butter.

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make sure all the butter is evenly broken up.

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If you would now like to add your pint of buttermilk.

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Good girl.

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She's an experienced stirrer!

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It's a little bit hard.

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-After your working out...

-It's a work out.

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Nick if you want to pour that into, this is a pound loaf,

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and these are brilliant liners, so guaranteed to come out.

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If you want to pop that in there.

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And this is cooked at about 180 in the oven for about 40 minutes.

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If the bottom, the base, sounds solid - it's ready.

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And then get a skewer just to test it.

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Pop it in there.

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All right. Put it in.

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Right in the centre there. Watch your fingers.

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Good girl. Excellent.

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Good. Excellent.

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The bread recipe is one thing the families can take home with them.

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But for the adults, in their group session with

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Clinical Psychologist, Dr Raman Kapur,

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thoughts of returning to normal life

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are also making them think of what they'll be leaving behind.

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It would take very little to make me cry today.

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I feel very emotional.

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Because I feel very emotional today, I feel very hungry or I feel empty.

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But it may be that on Saturday morning there will be

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an emptiness that you've got to manage.

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It's the loss of this. The loss of the five of us and the kids.

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Yes, that bond seems to be very strong in the group.

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So, Raman, do you do a summing up at the end, or anything?

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No, it will be really as we are.

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So you have this opportunity

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and tomorrow morning to say what you want to me

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and whatever that might be.

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I think, for me, it's been very helpful.

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Because you said at the start, the answers are inside you.

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Although you talk to friends or whatever,

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you don't really let them see the side

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you're less proud of, or the insecurities

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that I would have or whatever.

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But I feel I can sit in this group and say,

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I'm worried about this, or I'm worried about that.

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Sometimes I can't work out how it works.

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You know, or how it has worked, but...

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sometimes when you can't work out a thing

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it's better saying it's working and let it go at that.

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I haven't got to that stage where I feel I've fully opened.

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-If that's the right word.

-I feel like I have

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opened up to Raman, I feel to bring it to a close for me,

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I need more of a return from you.

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I think when things do come into your head you don't give yourself

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the permission or the authority to say it.

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What I'm trying to highlight is it's hard to believe in your own self appraisals.

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You're either looking to me or to others to do that.

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Self praise is no praise at all.

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That is inevitably going to mean that confidence is never going to be built.

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Because good things never get digested.

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Confidence is going to have to be built by other people building that confidence.

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Yes, but that's what, you're giving that away then, I think, you're giving that authority away.

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I think the penny has dropped for Johnny and Rosie.

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I think it's halfway there with Cara.

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But I think it's still hovering over Isobel and Nick's mind.

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I hope they do a bit of thinking from today and with the individual sessions

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maybe they can move forward themselves.

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Because if they don't move forward themselves, then in a sense I don't want to collude with them,

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think that someone can always do it for them.

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Giving the children confidence that they can do things themselves is key to success in the future.

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And this can start with something as easy as taking control of todays lunches.

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OK so what we're going to do this lunchtime is a little bit different,

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because we're going to get all of you to do lunchboxes for yourselves and for your parents.

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Do you each want to do your own box?

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You start with your wrap.

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I will tell you though that the adults aren't getting any chicken,

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so you guys can finish the chicken between you.

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Chicken!

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For the adults there's spinach & feta in filo pastry.

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Add a hard-boiled egg and some fruit and you have a nourishing and healthy meal in a box.

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Packed lunches don't have to be a sandwich, packet of crisps and a chocolate bar.

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And with a bit of thought it's not hard to make something very simple feel a bit special.

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So if you grab a seat for a second.

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-Ow mum you poked me in the eye.

-Sorry.

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Sorry.

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Come on.

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Are you alright, pet?

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OK, can you get round there?

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Yeah.

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Ryan you're going to miss lunch.

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He can cry.

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He won't cry, he won't cry. Promise.

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Good boy.

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Right, excellent.

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OK the team's back together.

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What d'you do that for?

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Kicked me in the foot.

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Are you sure?

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Sure.

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There will be no lunch.

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Straight after lunch, Cara, Johnny and the kids have a much needed family session with Dr Rachel Andrew

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An incident just happened there now which I am really cross with Ryan about.

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I came out, I hadnt seen Ryan all morning and I came in behind him and done this to his hair.

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And you poked me.

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And he said I poked him in the eye.

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Which I didn't, because there were several witnesses.

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Ryan then left and went outside.

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He then came in and took his foot and kicked me of my sore ankle.

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I didn't know it was your sore foot.

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And he denied doing it and again there were several witnesses.

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No, I didn't deny doing it!

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Right.

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I'm really angry that you decided to kick me where it really hurts.

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Mum, I didn't know that was your sore foot.

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It doesn't matter. You shouldn't be kicking me Ryan.

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Why would you kick me?

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Do you not think I'm good to you?

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Cos you poked me.

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-Do you think that I purposely poked you in the eye?

-Yes.

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You know Ryan doesn't want to go to his Dad's on a Saturday,

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at times the teacher's looking at him in school.

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What is it all about?

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Right.

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Where does he want to go?

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Yeah, that sounds, I suppose that little summary it sounds like then there's a lot going on for Ryan

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both at school and with Dad and at home.

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Every week it's the same, "Do I not have to go to my Dad's"?

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And for me it's very important that the relationship stays there.

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Every Saturday it's 11 to 7.

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What's changed there Ryan for you as you've got older then?

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I wouldn't want his Dad to think that Ryan was against him.

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No.

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It's not that, I'm scared that whenever I go to my Dad's,

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Mum and Johnny are going to go somewhere fun.

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You don't want to miss out?

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Yes.

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Maybe there might be some flexibility about that, Ryan,

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so if there was a week where you wanted to see Dad at a different time...

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I don't know, could that happen?

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Yeah, I suppose.

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Maybe on a Sunday.

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Yeah.

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To make sure you didn't miss out?

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Yeah cos Saturday I think is more of a you know where I can do something fun.

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Go to the library, you quite like doing that.

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Maybe we need to change the day then

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His Dad has always said if he doesn't want to come,

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he's coming to the age, it's fair enough, it's whatever he wants.

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So his Dad would be open to that.

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I don't see that as a problem.

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Sunday I was a bit selfish, I wanted you at home with me.

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Sundays I kind of I see as a family day.

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Never any much fun Sunday.

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Boring day, so maybe you prefer to go to your Dad's on a Sunday?

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Yeah.

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Would that work?

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Wow have you just come to a solution as a family?

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Pocket money and Saturdays off.

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You're going to have a great time on a Saturday with money in your pocket and going up the town.

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Wow.

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Ryan may have tried to tell me this all along,

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but I've been too busy doing everyda life things to really be listening.

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I know it's always been a problem, but I've never sat and got to the root of it.

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I don't think I have you know, so I can't blame Ryan altogether for it.

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A healthy lifestyle is as much about the family dynamic as it is about food and exercise.

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The experts are working towards all the families finding a new balance in their lives.

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Amanda and her team believe that a more positive outlook will create strong foundation

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for the healthier future the familie are searching for.

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For Cara and the kids it's a real breakthrough.

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Where are you going?

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We're going to deliver bread.

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-That's the bread.

-Oh thank you very much.

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And dinner's at six.

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OK bye.

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A final one-on-one session with psychologist Raman is 45-year- old Isobel's last chance

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to take advantage of his expertise.

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I hope you don't mind I've came with some notes.

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Good, good.

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Because half the time I come away and I'm thinking things

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and getting another thought and then I've forgot.

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Part of me feels have a reached a point where I feel done?

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That's it, I should just sit back and enjoy...

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my food without doing any thing else.

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I mean if that's what I do enjoy, why can I not become the...

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what the...

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The homely aunt, for want of a better word.

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Being loving, homely.

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-Kind of a mother thing?

-Yes.

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You know I suppose it's easier to to invite friends around, or family around and to put on a nice spread.

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Bring out the good wine.

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And then be praised for that.

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You know, "We went around Isobel's and had a lovely meal, had a lovely bottle of wine."

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That's sort of would be...

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what I would take pride in.

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Maybe one of the few sources of feeling good that you've developed.

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Which to some extent is about pleasing others and keeping other people well fed,

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which is kind of fine, but where do make sure that you're well fed and looked after?

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I think that gets totally forfeited, postponed.

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Maybe it is age-related as well.

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Because...

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You don't go out as much, you don't socialise as much and you socialise in a totally different way.

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So it's alright as you get older to go out and have that nice meal

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and not worry about the inches piling on.

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But then sometimes I would get very sort of shallow and say,

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no I do care, I do want to be the way I used to be.

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It would be nice, I mean there's no harm in it,

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but it would be nice just to have somebody to flirt with you.

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And feeling the safe, ugly fat person in the corner that's just good to talk to.

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A bit of you wants your femininity back?

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Yes.

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Fuller really.

0:19:150:19:16

I think Isobel is thinking about the idea of retrieving her old self as she called it.

0:19:280:19:35

Whether that's her feminine self or her womanly self.

0:19:350:19:38

Or her intelligent self.

0:19:380:19:40

Cos actually when she gets a chance to think things through

0:19:400:19:42

and put things together she does actually manage that.

0:19:420:19:45

I mean the fear of failure really has disabled her for such a long period of time.

0:19:450:19:51

Acknowledging these needs in herself is progress for Isobel,

0:19:510:19:55

but will she be able to translate those feelings into action?

0:19:550:20:00

Cara's motivation meanwhile is riding high.

0:20:010:20:04

And John's got some new exercise devotees on his hands.

0:20:040:20:07

How have you got on as a family with the fitness aspects we've done?

0:20:130:20:17

I kind of liked the week, because it wasn't like a boot camp.

0:20:170:20:20

It hasn't scared me, it is something I can see myself doing.

0:20:200:20:23

How have you got on Ellie?

0:20:260:20:27

I enjoyed it.

0:20:270:20:28

You enjoyed it.

0:20:280:20:29

Yeah.

0:20:290:20:29

You know what else I noticed you doing and enjoying and I don't think you knew it was excersise?

0:20:300:20:35

Tennis.

0:20:350:20:36

That's not exercise.

0:20:360:20:37

It is exercise.

0:20:370:20:38

Getting the ball and stuff.

0:20:380:20:40

That's definitely exercise.

0:20:400:20:41

What things do you think are goals that you are going to be able to set to try and get those exercises?

0:20:430:20:48

I think me and Cara's already talked about getting bikes for the two of us,

0:20:480:20:51

because the kids have bikes.

0:20:510:20:53

So we can join in. Go on cycle ride together.

0:20:530:20:55

Half an hour every evening we are going to try and aim for something.

0:20:550:20:58

Good. Without a doubt that's brilliant.

0:20:580:21:00

Hold it for a moment.

0:21:000:21:03

Come on, back to the middle.

0:21:030:21:04

How's the week gone for you so far, fitting the fitness aspect in?

0:21:040:21:07

I've really enjoyed it and I've been able to do thing here that I never thought I would be able to do,

0:21:070:21:12

because of a back injury.

0:21:120:21:13

I've actually loved it, I didn't think I would, but I do.

0:21:130:21:17

You're reaching forward and down to your leg.

0:21:170:21:21

We need to set you some short and long term goals for when you leave.

0:21:210:21:26

We have two of the most beautiful beaches in Northern Ireland,

0:21:260:21:30

so when it comes to walking, we have no excuse.

0:21:300:21:32

We've got tennis courts.

0:21:320:21:35

You have tennis courts as well.

0:21:350:21:38

Yeah, we've got a good yoga school.

0:21:380:21:39

So I see no reason why we can't incorporate those three things as a regular part of our weekly life.

0:21:420:21:49

Definitely.

0:21:490:21:53

Quality.

0:21:550:21:56

You work towards it.

0:21:560:21:57

That's it.

0:21:570:21:59

How did you get on with just the fitness aspect this week?

0:21:590:22:02

I thought it was going to be a lot worse.

0:22:020:22:05

I thought I was going to be a boot camp type of thing.

0:22:050:22:07

And you were going to be really working us.

0:22:070:22:09

Not that you haven't been working us!

0:22:090:22:12

So have you found that most importantly the fitness we have done this week has been achievable?

0:22:120:22:19

Is that right?

0:22:190:22:19

Yes.

0:22:190:22:20

Looking good!

0:22:200:22:21

What can we put in place, what goals are you going to set yourselves?

0:22:210:22:25

I'm going stop paying the gym my monthly money for nothing and start using it.

0:22:250:22:31

Anything you particularly enjoyed Rachael?

0:22:310:22:31

The water aerobics.

0:22:310:22:32

And you know what? I'm never playing tag with you again either!

0:22:320:22:35

I've never run so much.

0:22:350:22:38

Good team work good chase down, perfect.

0:22:380:22:40

People were jogging for 40 minutes - you were sprinting for 40 minutes!

0:22:400:22:42

Nick, you're a member of the gym also aren't you?

0:22:460:22:49

Just trying to get you to...

0:22:490:22:52

It's trying to get the motivation to get my lazy ass out of my bed in the morning.

0:22:540:22:55

Yeah, it's just seting that alarm clock an hour earlier,

0:22:550:22:58

and getting up and getting out and doing it.

0:22:580:23:02

We know what we're doing.

0:23:020:23:03

We just need to do it.

0:23:030:23:04

While the families enjoy an evening BBQ, the therapists meet to discuss progress so far.

0:23:110:23:16

So let's start with Cara and Johnny their kids, just in terms progress that's been made.

0:23:160:23:22

From my point of view, with Cara, I do feel that we have had a significant shift

0:23:230:23:28

from the start of the week.

0:23:280:23:29

It's like the reality has dawned, she's trying to figure it out for the long term.

0:23:290:23:34

I think big message that's got through to her is that change is ordinary hard work.

0:23:340:23:39

Johnny looks very different, he has definitely lost a bit or weight, but more than,

0:23:410:23:45

that there is something else, it is like he's nourishing himself properly for the first time.

0:23:450:23:48

There is a sparkle in his eyes. He had got life in his eyes.

0:23:480:23:51

Now the kids, Ryan and Ellie, individually they have both moved on,

0:23:530:23:59

but I think collectively there is still quite a troubled relationship there.

0:23:590:24:03

How are they going to figure that out?

0:24:030:24:05

Cara said she never really thought about the children as two separate individuals.

0:24:050:24:09

She just saw them as the children and spent time with them as a pair,

0:24:090:24:13

so I think by dividing them up, giving them both some separate time,

0:24:130:24:17

if she can take away that element of competition between the two of them,

0:24:170:24:22

then they can perhaps begin to like each other really.

0:24:220:24:26

Let's chat about Nick and Isobel and little Rachael.

0:24:280:24:32

Nick, I think for me there's something being held back.

0:24:320:24:36

I think he came to the island with mixed feelings.

0:24:360:24:40

And I felt at the start he did give a bit of himself.

0:24:400:24:44

But I kind of feel he's brick-walled at the minute, he's almost closed down.

0:24:440:24:48

My theory at the minute is that he feels he's given away a bit too much.

0:24:480:24:52

With Isobel she is lovely to be around, she has got quite a big aura about her.

0:24:530:25:00

I've not had as much kind of feedback as to where she is.

0:25:000:25:05

I'm actually extremely happy in how she's come on so much.

0:25:050:25:09

I mean we first spoke on the first day when the whole thing came out

0:25:090:25:12

where she tried a bit of training before she came here.

0:25:120:25:14

And she unfortunately left in tears.

0:25:140:25:16

And when we spoke today, seven days on, she said achievable.

0:25:160:25:21

And that's a big thing, that's a word we want to hear.

0:25:210:25:24

When it comes to Rachel, I must admit I find her like a little sunshine.

0:25:240:25:28

I do think at the beginning of the week she was talking about some definite anxieties

0:25:310:25:35

and I think perhaps what we've seen is her now grow a little bit more in confidence

0:25:350:25:40

and she seems to have a clearer idea of what she's learnt here, what she wants to take home,

0:25:400:25:45

what she wants the whole family to put into place.

0:25:450:25:48

So yeah, I feel quite positively about Rachel.

0:25:500:25:53

So last, but definitely not least we have got Rosie and Ellen.

0:25:530:25:56

I've got to say I find being around either of them just really relaxing.

0:25:560:26:01

I think the rose in Rosie is blossoming.

0:26:020:26:05

She has connected her head really to her belly and in an emotional way.

0:26:070:26:12

And I think she'll do well.

0:26:120:26:14

Yeah.

0:26:140:26:15

Of all of them I think Rosie has a clear path of where she is going to go from here.

0:26:150:26:20

And of course Ellen is a product of her mum.

0:26:200:26:22

Clearly, she has had that great backbone of her mum being so kind and loving and caring.

0:26:220:26:28

But that softness I think is turned into strength a bit more with Ellen.

0:26:280:26:32

I've started to see that bit more feisty than I initially had her down as.

0:26:320:26:38

Ellen me, I just think she has got so many different qualities that are going to stand her is good stead.

0:26:380:26:46

And I don't think you can under estimate some of the difficulties she has faced.

0:26:460:26:51

So although I think she has this sort of quiet calm exterior,

0:26:510:26:56

I think underneat that there is a real kind of resilience, real determination about her as well.

0:26:560:27:01

So it's the last night and it's been absolutely brilliant.

0:27:040:27:09

I feel like a new person.

0:27:100:27:11

I feel like I'm cleansed from the inside out.

0:27:120:27:17

The journey so far this week has been interesting.

0:27:210:27:24

The group sessions with Raman I think were no more than a group of people chatting amongst themselves.

0:27:250:27:33

That could have been done over a cup of coffee.

0:27:330:27:35

He has his own style, which I didn't think that I benefitted very much from.

0:27:400:27:48

I don't want to leave.

0:27:520:27:54

It only feels like I've been here two days.

0:27:540:27:57

It's madness.

0:27:590:28:00

Absolute madness.

0:28:010:28:02

Next time.

0:28:060:28:07

Will everybody manage the Golden Mile Challenge?

0:28:080:28:11

Their time on the island is over.

0:28:130:28:15

And how will they cope back in the real world?

0:28:190:28:22

The hardest thing for me has been resisting temptation.

0:28:220:28:26

Even watching people drink a cup of tea and people say,

0:28:260:28:29

"Oh you get used to it and you get to you couldn't drink tea with sugar,"

0:28:290:28:33

I could drink it I am telling you!

0:28:330:28:35

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