Episode 1 People Like Us

This programme contains strong language

North of the city centre, a little known Manchester suburb called Harpurhey.

They say the area's just full of rough families.

I don't think it's such a bad place.

Ten years ago, a Government report branded it the most deprived neighbourhood in England.

-It's a simple question I asked!

-Yeah, and I'm trying to answer it!

Things have got a bit better since then,

but life round here is still no bed of roses.

There's one of them local expressions,

they'll steal the shit out of your arse.

Not cos they want it, just so that you haven't got it.

Half the people have no qualifications...

and antisocial behaviour is rife.

-Are you the neighbour from hell?

-Probably, yeah.

People round here might not be the poshest,

but they're not lacking in spirit.

That's why we call ourselves the dysfunctionals.

They're just trying to get on with life,

be themselves...

I ain't driving the van like this.

..and follow their dreams.

I could be like a different person when I'm acting.

'Tis true that a good play needs no epilogue.

For one long summer, the young people of Harpurhey

let us into their secret world...

# I have a penis I shake it in the morning... #

..sharing the good times...

-Megan Fox eat your heart out.

-..and the bad.

Hello! Go and find another street to go and terrorise!

This is how it really feels growing up the hard way.

Youse might think you know people like us,

but you don't know nothing yet!

This week -

Amber's taking time out of the launderette to go to Magaluf

for a drink-fuelled holiday with eight of her mates.

People have said, "Where are you going?" I said,

"Magaluf," and you see 'em go...

Yeah, someone in work,

I went, "I'm going to Magaluf with nine girls." He went, "Good luck!"

We meet market trader Jamie who's planning to

marry his girlfriend, Lucy.

I hate dressing up like this. Weddings my arse!

And there's Chris, whose relationship with cider

threatens to break up his romance with girlfriend Nicki.

I could not get out of bed in the morning and not have a drink.

It's never going to happen.

At the heart of the community is Harpurhey Market,

where locals come to get everything from double beds to double D bras.

Yeah! My go.

19-year-old Jamie works here with his mum, Donna.

Have you got about four quid, Ma?

Jamie's got a bit of a reputation on the market.

She loves me. Uh-oh! Her on the market over there. Oh!

Don't think so.

Jamie, he's like a gigolo, that's what we call Jamie.

What makes me happy is a good shag.

Ah, there's nothing better than a good shag! That makes me so happy.

Despite his Casanova tendencies, Jamie's been in an on/off

relationship with Lucy for three years.

When are you gonna put a ring on her finger? That's the main thing.

I hope you're happy. Come here.

Two nights ago, Jamie unexpectedly proposed to Lucy

and he's asked mate JP to be his best man.

So, go on then, what makes you want to do this?

Well, love at first sight.

Maybe not for you, but it was for me.

I just come in pissed as a fart, walked through the door,

I thought, "Boobs. Boobs."

Boobs first like, nothing more.

Aye, yeah. I'm definitely a romantic, yeah.

If I'm with someone I love and that I really like

and I really want to make an effort with, I am a romantic, yeah.

Don't get me wrong, he don't buy

blooming flowers or chocolates, but he does make you feel special.

-Ah.

-Hello, Mam.

-That's your mam, innit?

-Yeah, that's me mam.

How do you feel about Lucy taking on...

I'm not going... cos I don't like her family.

But it's not about the family, it's about your son and her being happy.

I can't see it.

I don't dislike you. I think she's got a good heart,

I think she's a bit...

-Weird.

-Bit...

-Weird.

-How would you put Lucy?

-Funny.

-A bit stupid some days.

At the moment, they're all lovey-dovey, right?

I do love Jamie.

I know you love Jamie, but Jamie does not love you enough.

I know a leopard never changes its spots and he won't.

-Aye, I will.

-Bullshit.

-Aye, I will.

He has gotta be 100% he won't bed another girl

because I'll tell you now, he will.

-I won't! We will surprise everyone.

-Good luck.

But I'll tell you now, I'll bet me arse on it,

you ain't gonna be with him in six months of your marriage.

People have always said to me, "You won't do this, you won't do that," but I've proved them

all wrong every time they've always said it to me.

I've proved them wrong every time.

I know you love him, Lucy, but I'm not too sure he loves you that much.

Course I do, I wouldn't have said it otherwise.

North of Harpurhey Market, Moston Lane is home to

the Wishy Washy launderette.

All this is old-school, everything.

This ain't worked about... three years.

That looks a bit dangerous in there.

I can see the flames coming through.

It's owned by the Wakefield family.

I did this.

18-year-old Amber, her sister, Maddy, stepdad, Paul, and mum, Karen.

It is fair to say that it could do with a lick of paint.

Five dryers are broke, three washing machines are broke.

The back office is just full of graffiti and me mum won't

decorate it because the way people treat it when they come in there.

Customers, they love us and they hate us.

We've had a guy who was leaving and "Ah, see ya! See ya, buddy!"

And all that, "See ya later."

Soon as he walked out the door, you heard the guy go, "Nobhead."

I've never known a place with so many village idiots in it, honestly.

Mad.

Ow!

Amber's just finished college

and is now facing the prospect of summer stuck in the launderette.

'I find it really boring.'

Please be a bit gentler.

Hopefully we win the lottery, get a bit of money and move abroad.

We don't care about the launderette then.

A mile down the road is a local newsagent.

Er, £3.38. Ta.

It's run by 26-year-old David with his boyfriend, David.

David, can we just check if we've got any lids in the cellar?

We bought the shop in September 2008.

We both sold our cars, got rid of the house

and it were just like a total redevelopment of our lives.

You get the odd...the odd homophobic abuse, no, comment,

but that's about it.

In the beginning, we got arm-robbed four times in one year

and I think people were just testing, cos we'd only just

moved in, and obviously you've just gotta fight back, ain't you?

Me best friend.

HE LAUGHS

Schoom!

By day, David services the estate with his convenience food.

But by night, a transformation takes place.

Right. Time to get the belly warmers on.

-David.

-Yeah?

Pass us me head.

Meet Diana Dior, David's drag queen alter ego.

Diana's a regular on the gay scene in central Manchester,

but David's never dared to introduce her to local people.

I love my area.

My area's fantastic, but if Diana was to walk through

Harpurhey in full drag...

I think she'd get shot, or bricked, or bottled.

But David's decided it's time for Diana to stop

hiding above the newsagent.

In two weeks, she'll be appearing in a drag show in a neighbourhood pub.

Obviously it needs a massive revamp for a camp drag show.

They've never had a drag show as such,

so I'm a bit like nervous about what the audience are going to do.

I want to show them what actually goes on in the gay life.

I didn't choose to be gay, I was born it.

This is who I am, accept me or don't.

Harpurhey Market is open for business four days a week.

A man's work's never done.

That glittery red one.

Today, 18-year-old Amber's here with her best friend Codie.

-Are they 50p?

-Yeah.

That's good. Let's get these bad boys.

To escape the boredom of the launderette, she's booked

a package holiday to Magaluf with Codie and seven other friends.

I look like something off Star Trek.

Holiday is like, literally, six days away.

This six days is gonna go so slow

and I'm gonna be sat in my room like, "I need to go on holiday!"

People have said, "Where are you going?" I've said, "Magaluf,"

-and you seem 'em go...

-Yeah, someone in work...

someone in work, I went, "I'm going to Magaluf with nine girls,"

and he went, "Good luck!"

Every summer,

hundreds of young people from the area head off for a week in the sun.

Hurry up, Maddy.

'This area, it's a dump. It's scruffy, it's depressing.

'You look around and think, "God, get me out of here."'

I do like Harpurhey cos I've lived there all my life,

but I think it's good to have a break.

It don't matter where you live, you could live

in the most perfect area ever, but you just need

somewhere different cos if you're around somewhere too long,

you just...you seem to just get used to it and get a bit miserable.

Let me taste this one. Whose is this?

That one's mine. Get off, you cheeky!

First, the girls are going out for a night on the town,

to get some drinking practice for Magaluf.

MUSIC: "Pound The Alarm" by Nicki Minaj

Ugh, not trusting that.

Their Spanish adventure will be their first holiday

without their parents.

-Are you going to meet a boyfriend tonight?

-Not before Magaluf.

No, don't need one before Magaluf.

No, we don't need one before Magaluf.

You gotta stay single for Magaluf, haven't ya?

You've got to, ain't ya, really?

One, two, three, go!

Bye!

I'm so scared about Magaluf. It's just making me...

It's aged me, ageing me each day, thinking about her going.

Oh, I can't handle it! In fact, I wish I could cancel it

and say, "I've not paid for your holiday now. You're not going."

Honestly, it's that bad.

You might think, "A bit mad that. Everybody goes on holiday,"

but no.

Amber's nothing like I was like. I was wild. I was really wild!

Yeah, she's grown up into a good kid, Amber.

I just need to get a little bit of water.

Despite his mum's concerns, Jamie and Lucy have

decided on a short engagement and want to get married in four weeks.

Long as I can turn up in my mankini.

You're not turning up in a mankini, Jamie, I'm telling you.

-I am.

-You're not!

-And a dickie bow and a hat.

-You're not!

All right, we'll see.

Do you want it during the week or on a weekend?

Whatever day they've got. It don't work like that, does it?

No, we tell them, we can tell them the day and see if they're booked.

Why don't we do it the week after your birthday?

Don't know. I'll be busy meself, won't I?

I want my relationship to be like my mum and dad's relationship.

They've been together since 16, 17. They've been married 50 years.

Can't be bothered really with a fucking honeymoon, as they call it.

A cheap hotel in town, that'll do me.

15 quid, Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt. There you go.

I love Jamie so much

because my choices have been wrong in the past.

One relationship that I had was abusive.

'He battered me. It was very hard.'

'It took me a very long time to trust another lad.'

When I met Jamie, it just felt right, that I could trust him,

you know, he'd be there for me no matter what.

He'd keep me safe. He'd look after me.

Are you happy with everything, the way it's going?

I'm very happy. If I weren't happy I wouldn't do it.

-So are you changing that one?

-Yeah, show me that one.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-To go with that.

Stooshe, Gaga...

To go with that.

Dolly, right. Oh, Liza Minnelli wig.

Is that... Is that... What size?

David's drag show is only a week away,

so he's come to Rochdale, shopping for outfits with his mum, Sue.

Have you got any more of them in large?

When you see him, you wouldn't think he was a lad, honestly.

You know like you can see some men that are dressed up

and you know straightaway that's a guy, right,

you know what I mean? But him, I bet he's had propositions.

Susan?

Yeah?

Do you have any black dye?

-Black dye?!

-SHE LAUGHS

Just get a black pair of stockings.

Oh, yeah. Proud? Love him to bits.

Our David is our David. He's a unique person, him, I think.

Don't know where he gets it from, cos, like...

I mean, I'm not shy or owt like that, but he's...he's fab, him.

He's game for anything, our Dave.

And my arms are gonna be here, so we'll have to fix these with some...

And false hands.

False hands and then obviously fake tits come out,

with water guns inside, then you spray...

And you squirt everybody in the audience.

..the pub.

When I came out, my mum picked me up from work

and I got very, very upset in the car.

She started asking me, "What are you crying for?"

and I just said, "I'm going out with one of me friend's best friends,"

and she went, "Oh, what's she called?"

So I said, "Richard," and it were like... She just looked and...

it were dead funny, but they... they've accepted all the way

and stood by me and guided me and just...like, 100% top parents.

I suppose some people disown their children and....

-Well, they do, don't they?

-Do you know what I mean, it's...

-We've seen one or two what's...

-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

..closed the door on their family.

-You can't do that. I mean, at the end of the day they're your kid.

-He's my son.

They're our kid, our daughter and son and they're other people's daughters and sons.

-I'd give him me life.

-So how they can turn round and say, you know,

"I don't want to know you any more," I can't understand that.

Amber? Are you awake?

Codie?

It's the morning after the night before and, as usual,

Codie's woken up at Amber's house.

RISE AND SHINE!

GROANING

SHE GIGGLES

I bet it's like seven.

No, it's about half ten.

Oh, what youse doing?!

Did your date go well?

He's actually got a really nice friend and I was telling Amber about him.

-Looks a bit gay, though.

-I don't think he does.

-Bet he's good-looking then, ain't he?

She always goes for the guys and leaves me with the gay friends.

Right, so what else happened?

That was it, and then he just drove me home.

No, he didn't, he drove you here.

Yeah.

It's like um, a second home, Codie's second home, our house,

or should I say first home.

'She just walks in, picks drinks out the fridge,'

she'll even come and get in bed with me and lie next to me, just watching telly with me.

'I'm gonna start charging rent. Got to do.'

It's another fucking girl in the house,

as well as the three that I've got. Know what I mean?!

'I think it's cos she fitted in with our family so much,'

she's kind of like adopted us.

-Did he kiss you or you kiss him?

-He kissed me first.

My relationship with my mum was a bit rocky, like.

'Most of my childhood was going to prison visiting her,'

but I...I looked forward to going to a prison, like...I looked forward to

where they check you with the dogs or you put the hand on the thing,

I looked forward to going through there and getting, like...

and going to the vending machine or going to the little toy area, like.

Yeah, you wasted it.

'My mum's problem was she was on drugs, cocaine and then needles,

'like, in your arm,'

and to feed the habit of the drugs she was stealing.

'My mum wanted me, but she wasn't allowed me at the time,'

so, um, my grandma had to take me in and there was a whole, um, thing about

the carers were gonna come and take me away to go to foster care.

'My grandma and granddad are really important to me,'

like they...they did bring me up.

Devil child, sign of the cross on ya, burn a cross on your head!

Get off! Put that finger near me.

'Amber and Karen's relationship, I was jealous of it, like,'

just a normal typical mum and daughter, who were just like sisters.

But it was a bit upsetting, but it's happy that I could speak to them

and joke around with them and just be part of the family, really.

It don't look really nice, Mads.

Taste it!

'She generally finds us all homely.'

She likes the fact that my mum's... can be like her mum,

like that. My mum's like her mother figure.

Just iron those for me and then you can go.

Then you can go, Karen, just think.

-I ain't ironing all them.

-Yes, please!

Get off! I can't iron them, can I, if they're on there?

Er, there is like that closeness probably round our way, where people, you know, step in and help,

you know, they've brought somebody else's kid up for 'em, rather than them go into care.

Like Codie's granddad's took her on.

Family structures have changed.

It's not like when I was a kid, it was your mum, your dad,

your brothers, sisters, and you all ate tea at a certain time an' all.

No, that's totally gone.

Don't pull.

It's only been two weeks since Jamie proposed to Lucy,

but this morning she's moved out of the flat they share together.

You know why Mummy's upset, don't you, baby, about Daddy.

Where's Jamie?

Where's Jamie? Jamie's a ... idiot, ain't he?

Yes, he is.

He goes out, left his phone upstairs and I answered the phone.

She said, "Is Jamie there?"

so I said, "No, he's not here."

She went, "Who's that?"

So I said, "His fiancee, why?"

So she said, "Well, he's been seeing me," he's been doing this,

he's been doing that.

So...we've decided to call it a day.

I can't... I cry meself to sleep at night.

He was me true love, my heart belonged to him.

I hope we can sort things out, we'll start talking again,

but...I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see.

Down at the market, Romeo Jamie is fighting off other admirers,

like fellow stallholder Sue.

Am I wanted, dearest?

I want you to be my man.

# I'm your man... #

-No. Seriously.

-No. Right, I'll have a think about it.

-I don't want anyone else.

-I know. I know.

-I've got to tell you summat as well.

Me ex come down the other night, but I told him.

That I'm with you.

That's fine, I'll chat with you about it and that, course I will.

-So he's...what you call it, he's gone.

-Yeah, yeah.

-For good.

-I'll have a chat with you about it.

-And I told your mum.

Yeah. That's fine, yeah, respect you for it, course I do, yeah.

-So there you go.

-Right, I'll have a chat with you in a bit. Right?

'Jamie is immature at the moment.'

He still thinks sometimes he's a child and he can play games and...

play with people's feelings, and it's not acceptable.

-I'm gonna ask you a very serious question.

-Okey-dokey, then.

And you've got to be truly honest.

-In the two-and-a-half years you've known Lucy...

-Yeah?

-..have you any feelings for her?

No. Not any more.

Why was you gonna marry her?

Don't know, a moment of madness, weren't it?

Pressurised into it, moaning at me. "Are we gonna get married?!"

Do we fucking have to?!

Yeah, but, if you're not with her, why agree to it?

Just to shut her up, and plus she was getting paid that week.

-You're cruel to her. She's not...

-It's not my fault, though, is it?

It is when you keep bringing her down. Tell her not to come down.

-I told her!

-Tell her there's nothing between youse!

Once I told her I was fucking gay, just to get rid of her.

Yeah, but she knows you're messing about.

You need to tell Lucy straight, "There is nothing between us, Lucy."

There's nothing between us, Lucy.

-You...

-SHE SIGHS

Fucking listen to me, seriously.

-Give me something to fucking throw at ya.

-Listen to me. You're starting to...

-Seriously, you're starting...

-You're starting to annoy me.

-You're starting to annoy me. Hmm.

-You think I'm joking?

-You think I'm joking?

-Move.

-Move.

-Listen to me.

-Listen to me.

-You're a wanker.

-You're a wanker.

Stop it now, come on!

Argh!

Do I think I'm a bit cruel to Lucy at times? Yeah, I do.

I do, and I feel bad, but I'm probably one of the most immaturest 20-year-olds you could ever meet.

Some people do get married, you know, good luck to 'em,

but I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

To the west of the market is the Embassy Club.

Part of Harpurhey life since the '50s.

MAN COUGHS

That's cheating, you.

No, it's not.

That's called the law of the game.

25-year-old Chris

and 52-year-old Nicki have been together for three years.

Yes!

Go on, give me a kiss, then.

They live together in Nicki's house near Harpurhey.

Got his White Ace.

Damn right, God!

If we didn't have that, we don't have nothing. It keeps me fucking...

-HE WHISTLES

-..sane.

-No, you can't survive without that.

-No, I can't.

Look at that for skill. Wow!

Drip.

That was disgusting, man, you shouldn't do things like that.

That's not, um...normal.

I don't know how you can do it, cos it must be rotting your insides.

-Ah, it's a shame, innit, really.

-Killing yourself.

-I know, awful.

-Do I look bothered?

-No.

-At least I'll die happy.

Well, let me rephrase that, I'll die looking reem,

cos I'll just go for me fake bake, I'll have me eyebrows done

and I'll be pissed in me coffin, so I'm laughing.

I feel sorry for him, cos of his illness.

He's killing his self and it's a shame. He's got his life in front of him.

'He's an alcoholic. He's got something wrong with his pancreatitis and his liver

'and yet they all say, "Oh, yeah, we'll make appointments

'"for you to see this person, that person," and they never do.'

I feel like I'm the only person he's got.

'We do argue and have bust-ups.

'It is hard work living with an alcoholic.'

Oh, don't start again.

Right, we...

Chris starts drinking as soon as he wakes up.

I might be an alcoholic and everything like that, but, um...

I know what I want and I know about life and I know about normality.

When I drink that, it makes me feel normal, and when I say nor...

Well, there's no such word as normal,

but it makes me feel...normal.

All I want is a normal life, to be happy, um...to be happy,

to have a job, and, er, I've never asked for anything else, nothing,

and never have done, apart from looking...

..somewhat reem. But not reem. Yeah, that's what I want.

I do.

Amber and Codie are packing for their holiday to Magaluf.

But I've got too many clothes at times.

This is definitely a more bigger deal to Codie than me.

She's never been abroad at all, like, she even said she doesn't even

know if she...if she tans, cos she just doesn't know, she's never been.

She's excited to go on the plane.

She's probably down there now, absolutely buzzing.

I'm taking all these shorts, that little...

like, boob tubes and stuff, cos you need them on the beach and stuff.

Those are just from...from Primark.

And this is my beach towel.

There's a lot in here, so...

These are all new, cos I've never been on holiday before.

This was all new to me, buying bikinis,

so, like, just a plain white one, like, creamy white.

I've never been on a plane. Like, Amber said that your ears pop

and you need to, like, suck on a sweet,

but...I'm scared about that cos she said once that, um,

her hearing went and she was completely deaf, and she thought

she'd never be able to hear again, so that's scared me a little bit.

-All those bikinis, any need for them?

-No, no need.

There's loads in there, as well.

There's no need. You're only going ten days.

Look at that. How pathetic!

'It's unbelievable. Clothes all over the place.'

It looked like a fucking jumble sale, at the end of the day.

Six, seven, eight, nine...

'They go away for a couple of days,'

they've got a suitcase each,

'and I'm not talking about a suitcase where you can zip it up,'

you had to sit on the fucker to close it.

'That's the problem with having a fucking house full of women.'

If you wander off on your own, be prepared to be raped or murdered,

because that is what they're like.

They watch for the British.

They know where the British are, and they watch for ya,

so don't be thingy, giving them any hassle or

if they say anything, totally blank the Spanish out, blank 'em.

-I do, anyway.

-Yeah.

-I just go...

-Totally blank 'em.

I don't know, I can't warn 'em about anything, really,

cos they just don't listen.

They're big women of the world, aren't they? They....

-We do listen.

-You don't. They don't listen.

You've got my random little sausages everywhere.

Oh, Codie's going on about sausages, nothing about we do listen,

so obviously they don't listen.

'I made the girls watch Taken, where these friends go abroad'

to France and some guys get 'em and they end up in

like a prostitute ring and, oh, was a really horrible film.

So I thought that might make 'em a bit aware, do you know?

Bon voyage, Eng-er-land!

# And party all night

# This is how we like

# To live our lives... #

Where are you travelling to?

Magaluf.

We love ya!

Bye, Dad.

-Be careful, right.

-I will do.

And you text me soon as you land, soon as them wheels

hit the floor, you text me to say you're safe there.

Love ya!

They've gone. That's it.

-Au revoir.

-Oh, no!

This is where the worry starts now, ten days of total worry.

-Hiya,

-you OK? Yeah.

You ever been to a live drag show?

Today, David's drumming up local support for his big drag night.

-What's your dog called?

-Called Gizmo.

Looks a bit like me on there.

THEY LAUGH

This is me and that's me name and this is what's going to be going on.

-Oh, is that you?

-That's me.

Who does your make-up and that?

-Meself.

-Do ya?

-Yeah.

Wow.

Manchester city centre has a thriving gay scene

and attitudes in Harpurhey are also changing.

Yeah, I know quite a few gay people now.

If you'd asked me, when I was younger,

it would have been no, but now it's just the norm, isn't it?

Have you ever been to a live drag show?

I used to be very one-sided about it, you know?

'"Oh, poof," you know what I mean?

'Then you kind of get older and you become more,'

"If they want to dress up in a frock, cock in frock, it's fine,"

know what I mean? Cock in a frock, what's wrong with that?

Men walking round in skirts, stockings, high heels.

'Nah, it's not my cup of tea,'

shall we say.

And it's on this Friday.

'You do get homophobic attacks and stuff like that, but we're in

'2012, there's a gay or a lesbian in every single family on the planet.'

-Is that you?

-That's me.

-Yeah, there's going to be...

-Bloody hell, I'm not gay, but I think I'd even...

What makes you think that I am?

-I think I'd even take a chance with that.

-All right.

Now David's leafleted the estate, it's time for Diana to do her bit...

David, are you putting your dark one on?

..with the help of best friend Sean, otherwise known as Shanice.

I used to always go out with Sean...

And I said to you, didn't I...

He went, "Oh, you should do drag," and then I thought,

"Ooh, I've never done this before."

If I had to dress in men's clothes all the time

I'd just be bored, just boring.

There's no glitz and glamour or anything to it, just boring.

Push 'em up.

'We call it tuck and dive and you have to like'

push your things up to where they originally was.

'It don't hurt, it's not painful. And then you pull'

your thing round and - sshh - tape it.

There we go, and you get...

a triangle.

Get the furs on.

All fur, no knickers.

-All right, darling?

-All right?

We're in here, dishing out the leaflets for Friday.

-For playing Harpurhey, how many numbers are you doing? How long are you doing?

-Four.

We're trying to take Canal Street up there, do you know, like?

So, we'll see you there on Friday, Vicky, all right?

'When Diana's out or when she's on stage, it's me,'

but it's a different persona.

'It's like I'll do things or say things or act things,

'sing things that David would never do.'

We will see you on Friday, yes?

-Yes.

-OK?

-Mwah!

You've built... it's like Frankenstein.

Right, come on.

I know I don't have a job and I don't have much money,

but you've got to iron your clothes, haven't you?

I'd even iron it before I went to shop and that's just a shop.

Not only does Nicki take care of Chris...

-Here you are, Pippet.

-..she also looks after six dogs...

He's getting on, him, now, ain't ya, Pip?

He's only got one ball.

..five cats...

-Hello.

-..and any number of reptiles.

To calm him down you can put 'em upside down... Stop!

..like that, and you stroke their belly like that

and he'll go to sleep.

It shows 'em that you're not going to hurt 'em.

And we just felt sorry for him

because he's got a deformed lip and he lost a bit of his tail.

Well, it's a shame, innit, animals being deformed like that.

People don't want 'em.

As a kid I found a pigeon.

Someone had wrapped fishing rope round it.

It ended up with one leg, but I nursed it.

I was always bringing them home.

Chris and Nicki started a relationship

when he had problems at home and Nicki offered him a place to stay.

Here.

'Pets are like your children. I feed 'em, I clean them out.

I've always wanted kids, but what I've had done, you can't have kids.

Until the age of 21, Nicki was known as Nigel.

These are the sort of things that my mum used to have, Polaroid things.

What's that, there?

She was one of the first people in the UK to undergo

gender reassignment surgery.

I love photos.

I think a photo can tell a lot of stories.

Bernard Manning!

Mum got that signed off him.

-Who's he? I don't know who he is.

-Bernard Manning. Comedian.

I don't know.

NICKI LAUGHS

God, look at that, me mam's ration book.

What's in it? See what's in it.

How much you get for your eggs and your cheese.

Look, ID card. It's me mam's.

-Aargh, there I am at school!

-Let me look.

First primary school in Didsbury.

I've seen a picture of you

and I thought you was quite cute actually as a child, so...

Are you the fourth person?

NICKI LAUGHS

I think I could be psychic.

Bad memories, they are bad memories.

'Felt like a girl, acted like a girl, I even played with dolls,

'but you got bullied for it.

'I was attacked in the street by other kids or parents.

'I had to go and see a psychiatrist first,

'had tests done and then I had it done when I was 21.'

There you go.

'People should accept you for who you are, not what you are.'

The girls are a week into their holiday, and Karen and Paul

are worried by what they've heard about Magaluf.

-They call it Shagaluf and what's the other one?

-What?

Yeah, loads of people have said it to me!

"You're not letting your daughter go to Shagaluf, are ya?"

That's what they call it, it's a well-known fact.

And then you get met at the clubs and that with

sambucas and that, duh, duh, and all races where

they'll just be piling it down their necks.

It's not her I'm scared of, it's other people, it's the Spanish.

'Young kids getting pissed'

out of their heads, vomiting up on the streets, like, you know,

running round like stark bollocks,

'and all that sort of crap.'

It's not something we vision Amber doing, you know what I'm saying?

PHONE RINGS

Karen has been trying to call Amber several times a day.

'This is the Vodafone voicemail service for 0...'

Why don't she ever answer?

And she can't phone out of her phone,

she kept texting me saying Mum, can....

-Hello?

-'Hello?'

-Hello, is Amber there?

-'It is me.'

Oh, it didn't sound like you. You all right?

Me voice has gone completely through the alcohol.

-Through the alcohol?

-'Yeah, really bad.'

I've been drinking every night.

Oh, you're going to be poorly when you get back.

And not only that... No, I've not had one hangover

and we're going to the booze cruise, aren't we, later?

More booze.

They all hear our accent and go, "You're from Manchester."

Have you had a good time, then?

-Yes.

-All right. Love ya.

Bye. Love you. Bye. Bye.

Wow.

'Her voice has gone through alcohol.'

I've never heard that in the whole of my life, never.

I've heard it go through singing and shouting a lot,

but I've never heard it go through alcohol.

So they've got two full days and the booze cruise tonight.

Just hope one of them don't fall in the water.

LAUGHING

AMBER SCREAMS

MUSIC: "Yeah Yeah" by Bodyrox featuring Luciana

# You think you've got it all worked out

# But you don't know nothing Nothing, nothing... #

That boat cruise has made me so drunk.

Eeurgh!

# Something, something, something

# I can teach you a thing or two Yeah, oh, yeah, oh... #

SHE SCREAMS

# I can teach you a thing or two Yeah, oh, yeah, oh

# I can teach you a thing or two Yeah, oh, yeah, oh... #

THEY CHEER

Oh, well, at least she's had a good time.

Where are ya?

I asked you to come and meet me.

Jamie and Lucy split up two weeks ago,

over rumours that he's been cheating.

Jamie, come and meet me, please.

But Lucy still wants to give their relationship another go.

Come and meet me, please.

'I just want to know where I stand.'

If he's going to say that I'm completely walking away,

then that will kill me,

that will break my heart.

What do you want?

I was at KFC when you phoned.

Oh, I'll get me arse wet, ain't I? Suck all that up.

Jamie, my heart belongs to you.

-It doesn't.

-It does!

-Doesn't.

There is no more us now.

You need to get used to it, you need to get it in your head and that's it.

Be your mate, I'll see you about and that.

I can't be someone's friend who I'm in love with.

Who I have feelings for.

It's not happening any more now.

Eh?

It's the right thing to do and you know it is.

You're hurting now, but it is.

We're never going to be able to get on with it,

we're always going to be arguing. I need to move on now,

you need to move on. You'll probably find someone better

or vice versa, do you know what I mean?

But it's right thing to do.

Doesn't seem it, but it is.

I'm going to go though, yeah?

I'm busy. Got to prepare for the gig.

Yeah? See you in a bit then.

Yeah.

Ah, fucking arse is killing me now.

Jay?

Love you.

Not the answer I was looking for.

Ah, well.

I've tried sorting it out, he won't do it, babe.

I've met him and I've poured me heart out to him

and he's still saying that there's no us.

Yeah.

I've ruined everything.

It seems like I'm being a dick with her, but I'm not.

I'm being honest. It's not going to work.

We're arguing too much,

we've not been getting on for ages, so that's it.

She'll find someone else and I hope she...

Well, I hope she's very happy with whoever she finds,

cos she's a good kid, but just not for me now.

I feel sick.

Watch.

'Oh, no!'

'We've frozen the pictures here because of their shocking nature.'

'We've got two possible fatals... '

-Mental.

-'..both females have ran out into the carriageway.'

Some people committing suicide.

I'd rather watch this than Jeremy Kyle.

Ooh, dramatic train rescue.

Would you ever do something like that,

throw yourself in front of a train or a bus or a car?

I wouldn't.

Chris's daily drinking is causing increasing problems

in his relationship with Nicki.

'He's got two personalities. He's got a good one

'and he's got a bad one, and the bad one's mostly coming out now.

'Cos when he sometimes goes on one, he's nasty, very nasty.'

DOG BARKS

Shut up, Chi-Chi, or I'll put you in the fucking microwave and turn it on.

Tell you what, I'd love to fucking do it, with pleasure.

-You won't.

-Who fucking wouldn't?

-You fucking won't.

I'd stab the little fucking rat thing.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, I would.

-And what are you?

Not a rat, like you.

I must be a right mug.

Try and support someone, care about 'em,

and all they do is walk all over you.

Chris isn't interested in anyone, only his self.

That's all he's interested in. His self.

Get out.

I will.

-It's finished.

-Good.

At least I'll be away from you.

Good! Get away from me, then!

Good.

Cos one minute you say you want to be with me

and you love me and that!

No, cos you're a mong.

-Why am I a mong?

-Cos you're a mong.

-Why?

-Have you looked in the mirror recently?

Yeah, I'm ugly like you keep on saying. What are you?

What are you? I don't know. Move, you scrubber.

Right, yeah, I am a scrubber!

-Move. Move.

-Get out of me fucking house now!

Cos all you are is a down-and-out alcoholic!

And you want everybody to feel sorry for you,

but you, all you do is abuse people!

I'm down and out? I'm down and out?

I've had a fucking belly-full. She's an evil, spiteful little witch.

Just shit, every single fucking day, the same old crap,

the same old bullshit, the same old head pecks.

I can't stand it no more.

I'm trying, trying to help him, and I can't.

Slags me off, calls me a freak, everything.

Can't do it.

I wanted to help him but I can't.

But then when I try and help him, I try and get him the help,

he just turns on me.

Yeah, she doesn't like it, but she's not going to stop me.

I'm my own person. No-one can tell me what to do. Nobody.

The only person who can tell me what to do is myself.

I think I really started getting into dri...into drink

when I was about...

I'd say about 13,

the same time that I really got into heroin and crack,

and I used to inject it, and I loved it - and I did.

And in some weird little way, I miss it - and I do.

It was just ruining my life, that's all.

I could not get out of bed in the morning and not have a drink.

It's never going to happen, and it won't.

Do I like it?

No, I don't like it, but is it going to change?

No, it's not going to change, but can I deal with it?

Yes, I suppose.

Not like I like it, though.

He needs help.

He does badly need help cos it's splitting us up.

Er, well, I should say it HAS split us up.

Don't need it.

Don't know what to do.

I don't. Don't know what to do.

See ya later.

See ya!

Tonight is David's drag show.

I can't see cos of this frigging hair.

And he'll find out if the locals are ready to embrace Diana.

# Mysterious girl

# I wanna get close to you. #

I am a little bit worried about who's going to turn up

and who's going to be there, kind of. The people that go in The Waterloo,

they don't really see anything like that, do you know?

We've got the one and only Diana Dior drag show tonight!

For our first guest artist, she's just arrived at the back door,

we've got Stoosh!

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

# Daddy, I've fallen for a monster

# Somehow he's scaring me to death

# Oh, yes he is

# He's big and bad I love him like mad

# Mama, he's the best I ever had

# Daddy, I've fallen for a monster

# He got a black heart. #

'When I see David up on stage as Diana,'

there's not a prouder mum

on this Earth than me.

# He got a black heart. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)" by Rozalla

Oh, I'm fucking boiling. Good turn-out, innit?

We've done the room up. They love the room.

As soon as people walked in, they went, oh, my God,

who's done all this? You know. It's something new, innit?

It's not just your bog standard karaoke Friday night, is it?

Right, going to have to leave yer. I'm back on stage.

# There ain't a reason You and me should be alone tonight

# Yeah baby Tonight, yeah baby. #

It was a rough, run-down pub, but it went down like a bomb.

# I'm on the edge of glory. #

I think the people at The Waterloo are more open-minded now,

now they've actually seen it and understand a little bit about it.

The Waterloo pub has never seen scenes like this before,

but times change - and so do attitudes.

'I think it's brilliant!'

I've never seen him before in drag, but it's so fantastic!

I don't think he's done too bad.

A lot of people in, they're enjoying it.

As long as they're enjoying it, it's all right.

David's fantastic.

Belting!

As long as I live, so will Diana,

and when I die I'll book two coffins,

and she'll be buried on top of me, with all the make-up,

wigs, dresses, shoes, you name it, it'll be in the box with her.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Here they are!

Amber and Codie are back from their Spanish sun-fest,

and have got to adjust back to normal life.

We've been barred from everywhere.

We've been barred from McDonald's, barred from the hotel,

barred from the nightclub, barred from...

-Know why we were barred from McDonald's?

-Through you.

Someone robbed a chicken nugget off me,

but then was dead nasty about it.

No, you poured a milkshake over his head.

Yeah, that's when I did that.

So was it a really good holiday, then?

It might not look it by our faces cos we're so tired,

but it was amazing.

-It was really good.

-An holiday to remember?

-Yeah!

-Yes.

I tan. On holiday I tan. Like, I never thought I would.

Like, not on my legs. My legs don't tan,

but on my back, Amber said that sometimes

when I was walking in front of her, she thought I was Spanish.

Can't believe we're back.

I've got...

It's really depressed me.

Nothing worse than coming back off holiday to this shit-hole.

SHE GIGGLES

They do say, don't they, that Harpurhey's supposed to be

this really rough place, but then going to Magaluf, over there,

they're all doing things,

the police would arrest you if you did it over here.

Oh, well, no place like home.

Holiday was more than what I expected, like,

cos I want to go every year now, to experience all around the world.

Bye!

But I don't want to live in Harpurhey all my life.

Like, some people they stay where

they've been brought up, but I do want to travel,

do want to live somewhere else, experience different places,

but I'm always going to remember where I've brought up and stuff.

I hope you've not done a mess in here. No, she hasn't.

Six weeks on, and Chris and Nicki have made up.

Right, let me borrow your puppies a minute.

There's been some changes at their house.

These are the triplets she's had, all three little white ones.

Chi-Chi has had five puppies.

And two different coloured ones.

And although he's still drinking,

Chris has started seeing an alcohol counsellor.

I am making...erm, chicken, garlic and wine pasta,

with a side dish of salad with a honey-glazed dressing.

And it was reduced to 85p!

He's totally different, he's totally different.

He goes and sees an alcohol person, and I'll be proud of him

if he goes through all this to get help.

Cos he's not a bad person. It's just the drink.

I've been drinking about 12 years, daily,

and I think it's time for me to fucking pop it, I really do.

I want to be happy, I want to enjoy life.

I want to wake up in the morning thinking, yeah, I'm ready for today.

He needs help, so I'm hoping it works.

But you don't know.

Keep calm and keep on chopping.

Smells nice.

Jay! Jay, stop a minute!

Smells nice!

Today, wedding bells are in the air at Jamie's flat.

I hate dressing up like this.

There's only ever four rings when it comes to fucking marriage -

engagement ring, eternity ring, marriage ring and fucking suffering.

Weddings my arse!

It's a fucking long couple of hours, just to say "I do."

Fuckin' hell!

The flowers have got to go on.

-Really?

-Yes.

What flowers are they? I'm not wearing a gay flower.

No, they're not, they're marriage flowers. It looks beautiful.

It don't look beautiful. I look like a wanker!

Stop saying things like that!

Well, how do I look, then?!

-You look nice.

-I don't!

I look like a fucking fat car salesman!

Well, that an' all, but you're all right.

Come on, troopers! Let's have a super-duper day!

Crimewatch here we come! SINGS THEME TUNE

The wedding party are heading 200 miles north to Gretna Green.

But Jamie and Lucy aren't back together, they're just guests.

He's waiting to marry me.

Today belongs to Jamie's mum, Donna, who's marrying her fiance, Mani.

I love my Mani.

He...he's my... He's my soul mate. I've found him.

Many years of searching, I've found him.

I, Donna.

-Take you, Sajed.

-Take you, Sajed

-As my lawful.

-As my lawford...lawful

wedded husband.

To have, to hold, from this day forward.

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live.

You're now husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

APPLAUSE

It's killing me.

It's killing me.

It's hurt, you know, it's breaking me heart because I always...

When me and Jamie were together, we were talking about getting married,

you know, maybe a few years down the line starting a family,

and now I'm here for Mam and Mani's, it's breaking me heart

because me and Jamie, we won't go down that path.

Marriage should be for life. Young people think it's fun,

for the parties, the presents, dresses, hair-dos, nails done,

but there's a lot more to marriage than that.

You've got to work at a marriage.

And that's hard in itself.

I don't want it.

'Was it a mistake proposing to Lucy?'

Yeah. Yeah, it was a mistake.

On my side mainly, you know, cos I shouldn't have put her hopes up

like that, and I understand that. She's looking for love.

She's looking for cock - preferably my cock - and it's not happening.

My future, I hope it'll be good.

You know, safe, secure relationship.

Maybe one day I will get married.

I'll have me dog there, wearing the little rings.

Next week -

At the Wishy Washy, Amber's thinking about leaving

the estate for a place at drama school.

'Tis true that a good play needs no epilogue.

WHISTLES

Delboy Dale's dreaming up ways of becoming a Harpurhey millionaire.

Just a quick update to let all the listeners know

me nana is on the way to bingo, so keep your fingers crossed.

And we meet single mum Nicola,

whose relationship with her family has reached breaking point.

Why would I cry over you?!

Seriously, I should've moved away from yer!

That's what I should have done!

# Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

# This time I'm telling you I'm telling you

# We are never, ever, ever Getting back together

# We are never, ever, ever Getting back together

# You go talk to your friends Talk to my friends, talk to me...#

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd