Love Tyger Takes On...

'I'm Tyger Drew-Honey and I'm about to turn 18.

'I'm on the cusp of adulthood.

'But going from boy to man is harder than it looks.'

Oooorgh!

I look like Simon Cowell!

'If you think real life is confusing, you should see the inside of my head.'

Yeah, gobble, gobble.

Yes, I love you!

'So, I want to know how everyone else is coping.

'Surely I'm not the only one struggling to become a grown-up.'

You don't actually do this, do you?

# No, you girls never know

# How you make the boy feel. #

'This time, I'm looking at love.

'With apps and social media keeping my generation connected 24/7,

'it should be easier than ever for us to find someone to love,

'but is all this technology helping

'or getting in the way of us meeting the one?'

It's much easier to talk to someone from behind the screen.

There's a lot more competition.

'Has our appetite for casual encounters

'left us incapable of traditional commitment?'

Even though everything was fine and he was a lovely boy, still on it.

Still on the app, still addicted.

'And is anything off limits when it comes to the modern relationship?'

If she wants to mess around with women,

I've got to get something out of it, whether that be a threesome

or I get to sleep with other women.

'In order to get to grips with the new rules of relationships,

'I'm going to put myself through as many dates as possible.'

You know what? You're smoking.

'It might all be in the name of research but, who knows,

'maybe I'll meet the one.'

Have I got red lips?

'My journey began where else but Paris, the city of love?

'I'd come to celebrate turning 18

'and I'd brought someone special with me.'

Happy birthday.

'That's Libby. We met recently online and instantly hit it off.

'She's cute, fun and we have a right laugh,

'but she's not my girlfriend.'

What do you think of Paris?

I really like it. It's...like, a pretty city.

-Pretty city. Pretty city.

-What do you think of it?

-It's kind of romantic and I've always wanted to...

-Romantic?

-Yeah, I know, between me and you, eh?

-I know.

-I'm joking.

'I mean, I'm 18 and definitely not ready to settle down with anyone.

'Casually dating Libby meant I could keep my options open

'and it seems I'm not the only one.'

It is definitely OK to date more than one person.

More than one at a time? Yeah.

I don't know how they've got the time to do it but people are doing that.

It's nice to have a selection.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I suppose it's like buying a car. You're looking around to find

the one that suits you and you have the opportunity to do it so why not?

'Who said romance was dead? Well, lots of people, actually.

'Of the 15 million single guys and girls currently in the UK,

'a whopping 75% haven't had a relationship

'make it past 18 months.

'It seems no-one's in a rush to commit, myself included.'

-I really like you, Libby.

-I really like you too.

But...

I think we should see other people.

Wait, what do you mean by that? Why?

Because I want to see other people.

You all right?

I could not...

I don't know how to say it.

In the most modest way, I could easily speak to someone else,

but I definitely would never want to.

I think we have something.

'I couldn't deny that Libby had a point.

'There was something good between us.

'But before I settle on one girl,

'I needed to see what else was out there.

'Back home, I wanted to understand what the new rules of the dating

'game were and how they were impacting on my generation.'

I think online dating has taken the world by storm, in a way.

It's completely revolutionised the way we see relationships

and dating and stuff, especially my generation.

It's just come in and sweeped us off our feet.

'We've never known a world without social media

'so it should be no surprise that when we want to connect,

'technology is the first place we go.'

It's so crazy how you can just technically meet

so many people online so easily.

They're just fingertips away.

'Of course, getting your romantic kicks in cyberspace is nothing new,

'but for my generation,

'the last couple of years have seen that world explode.

'For the first time ever, dating apps have overtaken websites

'when it comes to looking for love.

'Want to find out if your date's decent in bed?

'There's an app for that.

'Want to say "Hi" to that supermodel stuck in traffic next to you?

'Yeah, there's an app for that too.

'Want to know if her dad's a registered shotgun owner?

'There's even an app for that! Nah, just kidding. I made that one up.

'I hope!

'It feels like there has never been a better time to connect than now.'

Everyone's online.

-Literally everyone I know is on it.

-There's a lot more competition.

You can instantly find someone, instantly see somebody,

and you can make a decision straightaway.

Just flick through profiles and say, "Yeah, I like that person."

It is easier to be on an app and to be typing to someone

than it is to be talking face to face with someone.

I'm in a relationship and I feel like the weird one

because I'm not on there.

'But despite the endless connections that technology has opened up to us,

'60% of 18 to 24-year-olds admit to feeling lonely.

'So what's gone wrong?

'To find out, I'm going to go on as many dates as I can.'

I figure there's a few things that could happen.

Either I'm going to come out of it the best dater in the world

and never have trouble with girls again,

or I'm going to find the girl of my dreams.

I'm buzzing for it.

'But first I decided to get some advice from my dad.'

-That is cool.

-£550.

'After all, after 30 years as Britain's biggest porn star,

'he claims to know a thing or two about women.'

-# City girls just...#

-Dad, Dad, just shut up.

Back in my day, it was like...

Well, when I say chatting up and dating,

basically, you had eight minutes at 11.00pm at Bridge Country Club

on a Friday and Saturday night, waiting for the opening chords

of Hey There Lonely Girl by Eddie Holman,

followed closely by Gonna Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse

by Jimmy Helms, that was known as the erection section,

and you stayed there all night looking at who you...

and then at 11.00pm he played two slow songs and that was about

eight minutes and that was your chance to pull - that was it.

If you were lucky, after three or four dates, you might get to,

as we used to say, tit someone up.

-What does that mean?

-It means getting to touch tit.

-After four dates?

-Yeah, four dates, not four days.

-Four dates?

-Oh, yeah.

-That's mad.

-Yeah, it was way different.

You know, you couldn't be in constant contact

so you had a phone in your flat, like, a landline.

If she wasn't there when you tried to ring her...

It was a lot more... a lot slower process

because just getting in touch with people was more...of a chore.

You would have had to, say, over two weeks,

do what, maybe, you might progress in a relationship in two days now.

Yeah, absolutely.

-Can I get this one?

-That's nice, yeah. That is nice.

Can I get a pack of plectrums as well, please?

-Lovely. Thanks very much.

-You're very welcome.

'After all this romantic talk of erection sections and titting up,

'there was only one thing for it, a soft rock love ballad.'

BOTH SING: # But I know the reason why

# You keep your silence up

# No, you don't fool me

# The hurt doesn't show

# But the pain still grows... #

Ready? # It's no stranger to you and me

DRUM FILL

# I can feel it coming in the air tonight

# Oh, Lord... #

Your phone's ringing.

'You've quite literally been saved by the bell there,

'but, in all seriousness, the morning spent with my dad

'got me thinking about how far dating had come.

'It's a popular misconception that cavemen met women

'by clubbing them and dragging them back to their caves.

'In truth, the blow from the club would have killed them.

'By the 1800s, Jane Austen had set hearts aflutter with her new breed

'of romantic but repressed literary hero.'

Hello, Mr Darcy.

Miss Elizabeth, I have been longing to speak to you about something

my heart has been, erm, burning to share.

Oh, do stop going on, Mr Darcy.

Would you like to give me a damn good seeing to or not?

'By the 1990s, dating services were all the rage

'and you could even try finding love using a video profile.'

Erm, hi, my name's Tyger. I'm 27 years old.

I live with my mum and my cat, Cobain.

Eh? Cat Cobain!

So, yeah, I ain't got that much money but if you enjoy

a reasonably priced meal at a chain restaurant, I'm the man for you.

'Today, with the rise of Internet and app dating meaning relationships move faster than ever,

'many are wondering, is romance dead?'

# Talk dirty to me

# Talk dirty to me... #

'Blazing the trail for digital dating

'is a little app called Tinder.

'Launched in the US less than 18 months ago,

'it makes 10 million matches per day worldwide

'and it's taking Britain by storm with more than one million users

'joining in the past two months alone.

'By connecting to Facebook and allowing you to pick your date based on nothing more than looks,

'it's managed to tap into the shallowest parts of ourselves.'

-He looks like a pharmacist.

-And he is a pharmacist.

'Unsurprisingly, we love it.

'I travelled to Belfast to meet Lauren and Rachel,

'two girls who were so hooked, they couldn't imagine life without it.'

-Hiya.

-You all right?

Lovely to meet you.

'I hoped they could help me understand how the UK has become

'one of the most Tinder-addicted countries in the world.'

-What do you get out of it?

-Lots of dates.

Lots of dates. It gives you a wee bit of a boost.

If you get a match, you're, like,

"Oh, my goodness, someone likes me. I must look good."

She says no to someone and I'm, like,

"I would have said yes to him in a heartbeat."

And then you don't find the person.

It could have been the love of my life.

Do you remember the day I was, like, this boy is an aerospace engineer

and he's just the right age and he looked brilliant

and then I didn't get a match.

Literally, I was heartbroken for a good week over that one boy

who didn't give me a match.

Nope.

-He's got a cute dog.

-Oh, my God.

No.

-No.

-No.

He's actually not too bad looking.

-I'd say yes to him. There you go.

-Thanks!

-No problem.

It's a match.

'The girls clock up an incredible 20 hours per week on this app

'but they get a lot more out of it than I expected.'

I'm really shy. Really, really shy compared to Rachel,

who is really outgoing. She will talk to anyone, I'm really shy.

If I was talking to a guy I'd rather be on Tinder

or a night out because I'm drunk.

-That's about the only time...

-Even Tinder's boosted your confidence.

She finds it so much easier just to speak to people

and you're not as timid as you once were.

'But I needed to see if their confidence really did extend

'past their front door, so we headed out.'

'OK, yes, I picked the venue, but come on,

'there's music, mood lighting, warm beer in plastic cups.

'Also, I'm amazing at this game, so what's not to love?'

Do you do this on your dates?

Like, completely annihilate the competition?

'In hindsight, showing off in rented shoes

'may not be the best way to impress the girls.

'But if I wanted to find out the new rules,

'I really needed to get dating. So no time like the present.'

-Rachel, would you go on a date with me?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to go on a date tonight?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Let's go for it.

-We could go on one, as well.

-LAUGHTER

-You can't ask two girls out.

-OK, I was kind of joking.

-OK. I'm looking forward to it.

-I'm not.

LAUGHTER

'My first date was in the bag. Result!

'But there was a problem.'

What about if you just come out with us

and then you'll find one while you're out?

'Lauren wasn't keen to be a spare part that night,

'so she relied on what she knows best to get a date fast.'

-Yes!

-No.

-No, no, no.

-He had mine earlier and got this munter!

Oh, he's good looking.

He's good looking.

'It didn't take long for Lauren to find a match.

'And after some quick messaging between her

'and her mystery man, the double date was on!

'To be honest, I hadn't been on a first date in ages.

'But there were no time for nerves.

'Besides, I've always thought first dates were a bit like an audition.

'And I've done plenty of those.'

Um...I was wondering if you wanted to get out of here

and come back to my place.

No, that's not really working for me.

Could you do it again, but maybe try an American accent?

I was wondering if you wanted to get out of here and come back...

Right, thank you, that's great. We'll be in touch.

'Cyber dating had definitely worked for Lauren that night.

'She showed up with Paul and they seemed to hit it off straightaway.'

How do you think Lauren and Paul are getting on?

-They seem OK. I don't know.

-He seems like a nice guy.

I haven't spoken to him at all.

But she said he seems nice, so...

'But as the night got going, I only had eyes for Rachel.

'She was looking hot and we were getting on really well.

'Yep, really well.

'I think that's what they call a successful end to the night.

'We decided to head out with Lauren and Paul right behind us.'

-How's your date gone, guys?

-Not went bad, like.

-Not went bad?

-It's not gone bad at all.

-So, it's went well? Oh!

-So, do you guys like each other?

-He's a nice guy.

Oh, nice guy!

LAUGHTER

Yeah, I think I'm having a pretty successful date.

I think she seems to like me. I really like her.

Um...it's a shame she lives in Belfast.

Have I got red lips?

'App dating was certainly working for the girls,

'but was technology working for everyone?'

Technology, like, helps and hinders, definitely.

People are never off their phones.

Don't have to have as much face-to-face contact now.

And in a lot of ways, that is quite isolating.

There isn't any, like, love letters any more.

Everyone seems to be indoors

projecting themselves as a different person,

rather than actually being outdoors,

being that person that they're claiming to be.

'With so much of app-dating success dependent on

'just a few pictures, it can be a tricky game to master.

'But I'd heard about a guy in Leeds who claimed to have beaten the odds.

'After many years failing to find love online, IT manager Chris

'decided to apply his computing know-how to his romantic life.

'He devised a complex system he says

'has cracked the code to the virtual dating game.

'I was intrigued.'

-Hello, there. Come on in. I'll stick the kettle on.

-OK. Cool.

-It's really cold.

-Just a bit.

-I'm Tyger. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you. Chris here.

-Chris. Cool.

-I like what you're wearing.

-Well, it's just my casual, everyday stuff.

You mean you don't have one of these?

No, I do. I definitely do. I've got about three.

'But this was no time to get distracted by onesies.

'I was about to discover Chris's big secret.

'The key to success in digital dating.

'The secrets of finding love on the net. This was massive.

'This was going to be amazing.

'This...was a spreadsheet.'

We're going to have some fun with this, I can tell you.

Right, go on. What is this, then?

So first of all, I thought,

"Right, then, let's try a couple of ways to start a conversation."

"Hey, thought I'd drop you a message after viewing your profile

"as it can be annoying when someone views you

"and then just doesn't say anything.

"Or maybe that's just me. Ha-ha."

You've got kind of like a little funny thing in the end, as well.

They always say, make a girl laugh, so, er...if you can do that

with the get-go, you're onto a winner, I reckon.

OK.

'I must admit, I admired the simplicity of Chris's system.

'By recording every single word he's written to every girl he's contacted

'and then noting their response,

'Chris is able to track what works

'and what doesn't when it comes to online dating.'

How many are there on there?

Probably talking over 3,000 on just one website alone.

What's the difference between the plain ones,

grey boxes and purple names?

These are the ones that have had follow-up messages

and the purple ones are the ones that started talking,

stopped talking, I've sent a follow-up

and they've restarted talking.

-OK.

-And that's what I'm hoping to do, really,

is take all the confidence, the experience

and all the knowledge that I've gained here,

take it out into the world and sort of boost my chances out there

and see if, you know, you can achieve something as crazy

and as illogical as love using a logical system.

'Even though Chris's time online had bagged him quite a few first dates,

'he admitted that they hadn't gone much further than that.

'I wanted to know if Chris's system really had prepared him

'for the real world as much as he thought.

'So we headed to the gym.'

There's good-looking girls everywhere

with not that many clothes on, often very sweaty and out of breath.

Do you not think it's a good place to approach girls?

Well, you've cracked the nail on the head, really. Slim, beautiful girls.

That's definite...

If I wasn't scared before, I certainly will be approaching them!

And I'm often sweaty myself,

so, er...that's hardly a good come-on really, is it?

Would you have any trouble sending her a message on online dating?

Not in the slightest.

Well, then, why should it be any different, bro?

I know what I'm doing there. I know what I'm going to say.

But you've been practising for ages online,

so maybe it's time to really put it into the real world.

That's...that's a big step, mate, that's a big step.

'Even though approaching girls can be a nerve-racking experience for anyone,

'I've discovered Chris's anxiety in the romantic arena

'stemmed from years of systematic bullying.'

A lot of the insecurities and a lot of the lack of confidence

is through that sort of process of being bullied for a period of time.

It really does wear you down, I think.

I know. I mean, I...I've been bullied small amounts in my life

just because of the sort of...

I don't know, my parents were in the porn industry and I was on TV

and I'm called Tyger, so I've had my fair share of bullying

and it really, you know, it can really, you know,

grind a person down and...

Even throwaway comments that don't mean anything to someone else

can really hit home, especially if you're not too sure of yourself.

Some people can brush it off, water off a duck's back,

but some people take it a bit more to heart.

Especially over time, as well.

If more than one person keeps saying it, you think,

"Maybe they've got a point."

And so I just said, right, that's enough,

let's do something about it, really.

You know, let's prove them all wrong.

'I admired Chris' determination to tackle his low self-esteem,

'but it felt like his dependence on technology

'might genuinely be holding him back.

'He connected with hundreds of girls per week,

'but was no closer to finding The One.

'I started to wonder if the superficial nature of cyber dating

'was distracting us from the possibility

'of something more meaningful.

'And it seems I wasn't the only one.

'I'd come to Newcastle to meet radio DJ, JoJo,

'whose devotion to dating apps had started to border on addiction.'

If you name an online dating app, I have used it.

It's awful. Even as I'm talking about it, I'm embarrassed.

But the thing is, I found someone on this app, right,

started going out with them, I know, right, totally...

Oh, he was mint, as well, just so canny and, like, lovely.

And, like, I was going out with him for a while and everything was fine.

Even though everything was fine and he was a lovely boy, still on it.

Still on the app. Still addicted, still using it.

And it's because of that, because I was still addicted

and because there was no trust or anything,

that, like, we're not going out any more now.

So, like I've thrown it away.

And I know that, like, there's tonnes of other people who are in my position.

-Maybe not as bad, but who are...

-I'm sure there are.

But, like, behind this internet thing

and hiding behind the phones or whatever,

and, um...people just need to, like, grab the bull...

grab the relationship bull by the horns.

'JoJo and I decided to demonstrate the craziness of choosing

'who to fall in love with from just a snapshot on a screen.'

-And a green man.

-Ah, a green man!

'We headed for the city centre,

'where we planned to play App Dating Live.'

-Ah, there's a bus!

-He's going left.

'Turning people down online is one thing,

'but how would it feel face to face?'

-Oh, excellent work!

-That looks good.

You are getting a boy and I'm going to get a girl. Get with it, come on!

'This was either going to be ground-breaking research

'into the psyche of the modern world of love,

'or a really awkward couple of hours.'

I'm assuming I just spin the board, yes or no.

If it's a yes and you think I'm hot, you give me a green.

If it's a no and you don't think I'm hot, then you give me a red.

Right. One, two, three, go!

Oh, it's a mismatch.

-Sorry, love.

-I'd have felt bad if I'd put red.

See, that's the thing, that's the thing.

This is what we're trying to prove.

Like, on Tinder, if you saw someone you didn't like, you'd be, like,

"No, no, no, no, no."

But if it's actually face to face, you feel bad, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Why is that, do you think?

Because you're more concerned of the other person, how they'd feel.

-But it's like instant judge. It's really shallow.

-Exactly.

How could you know you'd like someone from just looking at a photo of them? You couldn't.

Three, two, one, go!

Oh, no!

-How did you feel giving that red, JoJo?

-Horrible!

One, two, three, go!

-Wahey! How did you feel giving me a red? Did you feel mean?

-No.

-All right, thank you very much.

-I like you. I like you a lot.

-You'll survive.

-Of course I will.

-You're good. I like you.

-You ready, JoJo?

-No! I don't like it!

-It makes me uncomfortable. It's not real, is it?

-Go!

-Ah!

-Yeah! OK, so we have a match.

No offence, but I did feel a little bit more pressure to go with green

-because you're here.

-A-huh.

-And I'm not going to go, "er...no, thanks."

-Yeah, exactly.

-I wouldn't want to offend you just because I didn't like you.

-Exactly.

Even though we literally know nothing about each other.

I can't even remember what you said your name was.

-Johnny.

-Johnny. Hiya. Nothing.

Cheers, mate. Well played, well played. Well played, bruv.

I think this has kind of shown the truth about app dating, don't you?

-Yeah.

-It's brutal!

-It's horrible.

-Absolutely brutal.

-It's nasty, it's creepy.

Slow down a bit, I've only got little legs!

-You've got a big heart, though.

-Aah!

-Wahey!

'Our experiment had been an eye-opener,

'but I needed to get back to my mission,

'to date as many girls as I could

'to find out how the dating game is changing.

'I decided to bin the apps and go old school.'

I've met Sophie once, very briefly. I've seen pictures of her and stuff.

I think she's quite hot. Um...

I don't know if she's The One, but I guess you never know

if someone's The One until you go on a date with them.

Take the lid off and you can pour it all in

and you can drink it straightaway.

Do you know what, babe, you're smoking!

-'Yeah, I really did say that.'

-Why was it smoking, though?

A process called sublimation.

Sublimation is when something goes from solid to a gas without going into a liquid.

-Boom!

-Boom!

-States of matter.

-Boom! States of matter!

-Is that the science in it?

-That's the science.

'Wow! My old chemistry teacher would've been well impressed!

'I'm not sure Sophie was, though.'

-Do you know how to use chopsticks?

-No.

Come on, let's see how you're going to use chopsticks.

I thought they were straws!

-You thought the chopsticks were straws?

-Yeah.

This date was going to be fun. I could just tell.

With my science chat failing to impress, there was

only one thing left to do.

Ride a mechanical bull.

Trust me, this works.

Honestly, you'll see.

Told you. The bull gets them every time.

I was heading home but having gone on only two dates,

it was time to get serious.

I'd read Nottingham has the most single girls in the UK.

Where better?

I decided to see just how many dates I could fit into a single day.

It could only mean one thing. Dating montage.

Nice to meet you.

I was so nervous this morning, I threw up.

I was so nervous!

-Nice to meet you.

-Amelie?

-Emily.

# Got myself a brand-new girlfriend.

# So many messages to send

# Got myself a brand-new girlfriend... #

-Early?

-Yeah.

Ooh, I need to go. I'm joking.

-See you later. How's it going?

-Nice to meet you.

I'm Tyger.

-I've had a good time.

-Yes, me too.

-I'm Tyger.

-I actually bloody did it.

-What?!

-Girls are better drivers.

-Yeah(!)

-I'm Tyger, nice to meet you.

-I'm Alice.

Whoo-hoo! That was good. High-five.

I'm so happy I got a hole-in-one.

-See you later.

-Bye!

I'm dated out, to be honest. I've had a lot of fun but...

Meeting that many people to find the one is really quite exhausting.

The next morning, my day of extreme dating had left me

feeling a bit deflated.

It reminded me of an all-you-can-eat buffet - you stuff your face

but you never really feel satisfied.

It seemed the more connections I had, the less connected I felt

and it wasn't just me.

According to recent research,

us Brits are the most prolific online daters in Europe.

But amazingly, the least confident.

Going up and talking to a girl is really awkward. I can't...

I really find it hard to do it.

It's much easier to talk to someone from behind the screen than face-to-face.

Your social skills when you see people in the flesh tend to diminish, is that the right word?

People don't speak to each other any more.

But there is a way to learn the skills that technology has taken away.

Thanks to a global community of mentors,

millions of men looking for the relationships are learning to ditch

their fears and discover the secrets of approaching women face-to-face.

So, on a Friday night I invited Chris on a crash course to learn the lost art of seduction.

Butterflies mixed with excitement.

Sort of like a driving test feeling.

Our dating coach for the evening was Kingy.

I'm looking for you guys to be positive,

open-minded and a willingness to approach as well.

As a warm up exercise,

Kingy asked us to write down the three things we look for in a girlfriend.

Thoughtfulness is a big one for me.

And open and honest and laid-back approach to life

and issues in general.

Tyger, what do you look for in a girl, personality wise?

Um... I think intelligence,

sense of humour

and slight self...defecation.

LAUGHTER

-I don't think that's the word!

-Deprecation!

Self defecating? No.

I definitely didn't mean that. Come on, Kingy, help me out here.

Give us your top tips.

"What's the occasion tonight?" is one of my favourite openers to use.

You can use it on girls by themselves, groups of girls...

All right, I'll give that a go.

-SOBBING

-Hey, what's the occasion?

A high-five in conversation is a fantastic way to

judge what the girl thinks of you.

Because when you high-five the girl you can judge how hard

-she high-fives you back.

-Seems fair.

High-five! Ow!

I think she likes me.

I was starting to have my doubts about Kingy's advice

but I was there for Chris and he was taking it all in.

Do you think you're going to pull tonight then?

With all these new tips you've got.

I'll give it a go.

For him, tonight was a genuine first step

away from the comfort of his online world

and a possible step towards the relationship he's always wanted.

-Tell me how you're really feeling.

-Vulnerable.

I'm going to do something that I'm not very good at with people

that are very good at it...

..and it scares me, to be honest. And...

..I do feel a bit exposed, to be fair.

Over the next couple of hours, all of Kingy's students try to

put in practice everything they've learnt.

Whilst at first both Chris and I struggle to find our feet...

I eventually found my group.

But whilst I was making progress with one girl at the bar,

Chris was having no luck at all.

It was time for a pep talk from Kingy.

That was his advice?! Talk to girls about amazing chairs.

As Chris got back in the game,

he approached one girl on the dance floor...

But only moments later she moved away to rejoin her friends.

It was at this point that Chris decided he'd had enough. Does it knock your confidence?

Yeah, it's sort of like... What am I doing wrong? What's...

Maybe I'm not doing it right and then, you know, it's a

downward spiral of negativity.

I think about everything I could have said or done and over analyse it

and then probably kick myself even more for missing those opportunities

that reflecting back on were quite clear things to do at the time.

I just need to pick myself up a bit.

Remember, man, one of the rules is positivity. It's a learning curve.

-Exactly.

-I have to find that smile I was wearing earlier on.

Give us that smile.

It's not the same, is it?!

I felt bad.

Instead of building Chris's confidence, the night

had the opposite effect. I felt I'd really let him down.

Watching Chris struggle with girls made me

think about my own romantic life.

Whilst he was desperate to find and commit to one girl,

I was still hesitant to say a definite yes to anyone.

So, when I agreed to a blind date with Hannah I assumed it might just be a bit of fun.

How's it going? Nice to meet you.

'Well, that's what I thought, anyway.'

Would you like a drink?

Yes, I would actually. I was thinking of getting the Burning Desire.

It's quite fruity. Thank you.

Cheers.

What's your dating history like?

I did have long-term boyfriends until I moved to London.

There's a lot of men playing the field, not interested in proper

relationships or after different things. They want someone for tonight.

And I want someone for tomorrow!

'Although I admired Hannah's honesty,

'I had a sinking feeling that I was one of those guys.

'Cue a little self-justification.'

I am technically single, I feel...

As long as I'm not really lying to anyone which

I try my best not to do, I try my best... Um...

That doesn't sound convincing.

Well... Sometimes it's easier to...

Sort of tell them what they want to hear than to... um...

To...be brutally honest with them and probably upset them.

The next morning, Hannah's disapproval of guys like me

who won't commit was playing on my mind.

Going on so many dates had got me thinking about the girl I took to Paris - Libby.

Just the fact that we care a lot about each other and spend

a lot of time with each other and are intimate with each other and yet

I talk to other people, not because I'm planning on doing things

with them or starting a relationship, I guess it's so easy

to connect with everyone and it kind of forces us into this mindset

of, "Is this person good enough? Surely someone else is better.

"And it would be easy for me to find them."

It's making us much pickier and harder to please, I guess.

A few days later and I was surprised and more than a little impressed

when I heard from Chris that he'd picked himself up, dusted

himself down and was digging deep to give finding the one another go.

Have a great conversation, get to know them,

try to find out if they have the qualities you're looking for in a woman

and if you can, go for an instant date.

We were joined by another dating coach, Jordan,

who used to be bullied just like Chris before he eventually

found his confidence with women.

Just seeing him, not only approaching girls

but approaching pretty stunning girls, to be fair.

I'm starting to see it can actually happen.

It's not just some crazy idea.

Inspired by his mentor, Chris jumped right in.

-So, what are you doing in London today then?

-I live here.

-Do you?

I wouldn't have pictured that.

I was going to say, you're in pretty good shape, do you go to the gym at all?

I do, yeah.

-Which one...

-Gymbox.

-I've not heard of that one.

It was nice chatting to you, bye.

Oh, well...

Once again, he'd been rejected.

I was left feeling guilty this was going to be another blow

to his already fragile self-confidence.

But something had clearly shifted in Chris.

No sooner had he struck out with one girl, he was onto another.

I was a bit nervous, I don't normally do this that often.

I thought you look really nice today and I wanted to say hi. I'm Chris.

Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Gillian.

You don't sound from London. Are you from around here?

-I'm from Northern Ireland.

-Northern Ireland. You've come a long way.

-What brings you to London?

-Go on, Chris!

Instead of standing in the street and that,

do you want to grab a drink or something before you get your tuna?

-Go on, Chris.

-I've got 20 minutes. I looked for my watch but it's on my phone!

I've got plenty of time to go and that.

Amazingly, Chris had managed to get a date there and then.

I was dead proud.

After Chris's breakthrough,

I had to get back to my own dating mission.

But in truth I was starting to lose my enthusiasm.

However, I'd agreed to meet Charlie who, after two years out there,

was also disillusioned with the dating game.

-There we go. Happy with that.

-Yeah, is it a good one?

-Is it good enough for Instagram?

-It will do for me. It'll be fine.

Do you think because the pace of relationships

is so much greater, do you think the length of relationships is shorter?

Definitely, because there's so many opportunities

for you to find another partner or someone with better matched

because it's so instantaneous.

You can be messaging six different people at one time

and even if you're in a relationship, you might find

someone you are better suited to and want to call it off quicker than

you would have done if you weren't so heavily handed with technology.

Because you've got so many options and opportunities to explore

the options it almost seems nonsensical to settle down with

one person when there are five other people you think you quite like.

And it does make you go through a cycle a lot quicker

because you can do so many things in such a short period

and there's no need to wait for anything.

You don't have to wait for anything.

I think that's been really interesting

because being a guy, I have a guy's mind and guy's experiences

so talking to a girl about it, I've learned quite a lot.

-I've had a very nice time.

-Me too.

-Shall we head that way?

Yeah, let's go.

-So, are you going home now?

-Yeah, off home.

-Home to the warm to curl up in my bed!

-Do you have a double bed?

No, I recently broke my double bed,

which sounds a lot more interesting than it is!

Charlie was right.

Our culture of endless options doesn't just impact dating.

It's having an effect on relationships too.

I'd started to wonder

if it was even possible to commit to just one person these days.

-How's it going, I'm Tyger.

-Sam. Nice to meet you. Becky.

-Nice to meet you.

Hello.

I'd travelled to Bedfordshire to meet a young couple who were

preparing to test the boundaries of their own relationship.

23-year-old Becky and 22-year-old Sam

have been a couple for just over a year.

That night, Becky would be off to a party

and it's fair to say it wasn't your average party.

So, what is it you're going to tonight?

It is a private members party in a penthouse.

It's just for bi-curious girls to chat

-and be with the same type of people.

-Are you bi-curious then?

I think most women have an extent of curiosity to the other sex

whether it is just snogging or something more, so I don't know.

I've snogged girls but I haven't gone any further

but I don't know whether I want to go any further.

But tonight is going to be quite nice to see what it's like.

It sounds like a nice party as well.

Would you consider that, both of you consider that, one of you

or none of you consider that cheating?

If it's the same sex, I don't count it as cheating

because I am predominantly straight.

I'm always going to go back to a man it's literally to see what it feels like.

-And do you think it's cheating?

-Er...

I did.

If you're in a monogamous relationship, I do think

you need to stay monogamous

but if I have to compromise...

Becky has to compromise on the fact

if she wants to mess around with women, I've got to get something

out of it too, whether a threesome or I get to sleep with other women.

I've got no interest in other women.

If at any point I'm uncomfortable with it then we address it

and we take it forward from there.

I don't want to stop Becky doing something she wants to do.

Would you consider it cheating if Sam was to sleep with another woman?

Yeah. Because he's straight and he likes women and he's going off with

another woman which has always been seen as cheating, unless you

have an agreement that you are in a three-way love triangle.

The reason we've got this far is because I'm ridiculously open.

The reason I'm talking to you today is

because I'm ridiculously open

and I don't really mind who hears it.

I haven't told my parents yet but I am going to have to. Sorry, Mum!

Becky and Sam's honesty about their relationship had left me

wondering if I was quite so open-minded myself.

I don't think I could be in a polyamorous relationship.

I would be far too jealous of anyone doing anything

with my girlfriend and I'd feel it would be like cheating

and I guess in an ideal world I would like to be doing stuff

with lots of people at the same time in an open relationship but I

think that demeans everything you're doing with each one of them.

I just don't think I'm the type of guy who could handle

a relationship like that.

Even though it's not my thing,

Becky's situation is becoming increasingly common.

Female bisexuality has quadrupled in the past 20 years.

Hi. This isn't a proposition!

That night in a London hotel, we all got ready for our very

different nights out.

-So are you looking forward to it?

-Obviously.

Sam and I were gearing up to hit the bars of East London whilst

Becky and her best friend Leslie were dressing up

for an evening of girls-only fun..

I don't know what to expect.

I'm just going on a night out to see what it's like.

It's not like I'm going to have sex in the toilets.

-How do you feel about what Becky is doing tonight?

-Er, nervous but...

It is... I trust her and we've set rules.

What are the boundaries you've set?

Don't mess about...

-I think I know what you mean.

-It's...

Don't do first base.

Just don't do anything overtly sexual.

-All right.

-We don't take long to get ready!

After Sam and Becky had said an emotional farewell,

the girls headed off and Sam was left to ponder the unknown.

I've got no control over it now so let it go.

Just have a good night, forget about it, talk to some women...

Relax. Have a drink.

Becky and Leslie's night was taking place in a penthouse

at a top-secret location.

Sorry, but that's pretty much all you're allowed to see.

Not everyone at the party was as open as Becky

and so our filming was restricted.

So while the girls had fun behind closed doors,

a less-than-enthusiastic Sam and I hit the bars.

But only minutes into our night, and Sam was already distracted.

I keep picking up my phone out of habit and I'm looking at it and like, "Oh, no, just leave it."

Get on with it. Yeah, but it's difficult.

As Becky's night got into full swing...

I slowly managed to cheer Sam up by inviting

a group of girls to come and chat with us.

He even made a new friend.

I didn't think phone numbers were part of the plan.

-Are you going to text any of these girls?

-Yeah... No.

I'm not going to text any of them

but it's a confidence boost on the night out.

As everyone's night came to an end, Sam and Becky were reunited.

-How was your night?

-Really good. It was awesome.

We had burlesque, someone talking about orgasms and a woman got

naked on a table and they were licking salt and lemon off her.

-Lovely(!)

-Did you do any of that?

No, because it was tequila

but if we'd stayed longer I might have got on the table.

I like that it was tequila that put her off.

-If it was vodka, that's cool.

-No...

So, it seemed Becky had stuck to their rules.

What she didn't know was that exchanging phone numbers

wasn't all Sam got up to that night.

It's when the next one is.

The night had opened my eyes to the fact there are many different

types of relationships today and trying to figure out

the rules or give them a label is almost impossible.

However, it wasn't until my final day

that I realised just how far this could be stretched.

I was going on a date with Jennifer who describes

herself as a pansexual.

To be honest, I didn't even know what a pansexual was.

So, where do I put it?

So, how would you describe your own sexuality then?

-I'm probably more pansexual.

-Pansexual?

Basically it means the gender identity of the person doesn't matter.

You don't really give a crap, all you care is that they are human, they've got a pulse.

They're consenting - that's what you care about.

What's your dating history like?

Oh, goodness! I've never been in a relationship.

I've gone on dates but never been in a relationship.

In terms of personal way, in terms of other stuff, it's a different story.

How about you, what's your dating history like?

At the moment, in a sense, I'm sort of polyamorous

because I'm seeing a few people.

That's more open than polyamorous. Polyamorous is multiple loves.

It would be having lots of relationships.

It's slightly more honest.

I can't get my head around the fact that you don't even possibly

-notice someone's gender.

-I don't really care.

For me, it doesn't register as a difference.

And I don't see why I should care.

Would that not be...kind of... weird?

No. It's who they are.

-They've got to be attractive but I'm not attracted to gender.

-OK, so...

'I think I've got that.'

So, you see a human being, or a sexual human being, as a soul.

Yeah, the key thing is honesty,

consistency and transparency, because as humans

we are so not monogamous and they say animals are monogamous.

Yeah, animals aren't monogamous, swans are not monogamous,

penguins are not monogamous...

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

Wow. That was amazing. Don't worry,

I won't tell your husband. And you!

You were an animal!

You guys. I love you.

Even though meeting Jennifer was fascinating, I'll be honest.

If I wasn't confused before, I sure was now.

In the past, I think relationships were much more clear-cut.

It was much easier to define what a relationship was.

It was two people, it's a long commitment if not lifelong.

Nowadays, you can talk to so many people at one time...

You could not be with any of them,

you could be with a few of them or sort of be with them.

All these lines are very blurred.

And it's like the rule book has been thrown out the window, really.

It's much harder to say, "What is a relationship?"

And I wasn't the only one finding it difficult.

A couple of days after Becky's night of exploration,

both she and Sam sat down to talk it out

with sex and relationship educator Justin Hancock.

-Where do you want to start?

-Girls don't count.

-OK.

-I think there is no difference between men and women.

You are clearly both not on the same page around this

kind of thing, at the moment.

The other night I told Becky I'd kissed a girl,

and Becky instantly fell out with me on the spot and wouldn't talk to me

for about five minutes or something,

because the possibilities were running through her head that I'd...

Made out with this girl for the entire night or whatever.

I kind of felt glad because how Becky felt in those five minutes is how

I felt for a year - a year of me thinking...

-But did you kiss her on the lips?

-Yeah, but it wasn't like...

-You know...

-You said you kissed her on the cheek!

OK, well, I kissed her on the lips.

-You lied to me.

-Hm...

-Sam!

-What?!

-You lied.

-I didn't lie.

-You did!

You said, "I kissed her good night." Oh, it was on the cheek

and then it was good night. Did you actually kiss her?

Yeah, I kissed her on the lips

but not like you know mentally kissing... it wasn't a snog.

It was a kiss on the lips.

-What?

-Are you OK, Becky?

-Yeah, fine.

-Do you want to get a tissue or something?

-You've let me down.

I've let YOU down? After all the shit I've put up with you over this...

If you told me the truth to start off with it wouldn't matter.

I would have gotten over it.

We should have spoken about it more from my end.

WE should have spoken more.

It's not just my fault we didn't speak about this.

Perhaps unfairly he put you in a position on Saturday night

that he's been feeling for the last year

and he did that without you properly communicating it to each other,

but even though it possibly was unfair,

he is trying to tell you something, that this might give you

an inkling as to how he's been feeling.

Use the experience to inform you for the future of your relationship.

Watching Sam and Becky try to steer their relationship to

-a healthier place wasn't easy.

-I hope that's been useful.

-Yeah, definitely.

-Really useful.

With boundaries shifting now more than ever,

I wondered how anybody could make a lifelong commitment work.

With marriage between 16 and 19-year-olds having fallen

by 95% in the last 30 years,

it's hardly any surprise many people are asking, is marriage dead?

Yeah, that's marriage.

OK, that's a little dramatic.

My parents might be separated now but they were together

for almost 30 years, which to me is a real achievement.

I'd started to wonder if I would ever commit to just one girl.

When would you say is the right sort of age to settle down and...?

-I would say probably...

-How do you know when you've found the one? Do you think there is A one?

Yeah, probably. Some people are lucky, aren't they? I don't know.

Maybe. But...

We're all annoying, so...

Yeah, I don't know.

If I was being cynical, I would say just find a person...

that least annoys you.

But, I don't know. How do you know when you've found the one? You'll know. You'll know.

Just because I was still unsure of the realities of lifelong

commitment, doesn't mean that everybody is.

I'd arrived in Norwich to meet something very rare

and quite intriguing to me.

A young engaged couple. Can I see the ring or the rings?

-Not that fancy but...

-They're pretty fancy.

18-year-old Hannah and 17-year-old Kane met two years ago

and Kane popped the question just six months later.

What do people say when they see you've got rings on your wedding fingers?

We get a couple of people saying, "Is that just jewellery?"

No, it means something. People don't take it seriously at such a young age because I'm 17.

I'm not even an "adult" yet.

So people don't see it as always serious.

Whereas we believe it is so it's what we believe and, yeah,

that's all there is to it, really.

That morning, they'd arranged to view a flat

they hoped could be their future marital home.

How many plug sockets are there around?

You might laugh now but don't come crying to me

when you've got nowhere to plug your straighteners in.

I like these kind of cupboards.

That's me being Phil Spencer there.

Could you guys see yourselves here?

-Um...

-I like the house itself but not sure of the location.

-Yeah.

From here, it was off to a favourite hang-out of theirs -

the local comic book store.

So is this anything

that drew you guys together, like a shared love of comics?

-She got me into it, actually.

-Yeah, you didn't read them before.

I watched shows and she got me into the comics.

-And you read them more than I do now.

-Yeah, exactly.

Taking over your hobbies.

It was lovely to see how comfortable Kane and Hannah

were around one another and I felt inspired by their commitment.

But I wondered if they ever felt like they were missing out.

Do not see the benefits of being able to be free

and see who you want and sleep with who you want and...?

I think nowadays the mindset of people sleeping around,

one night stands is not a trend but a fashionable thing.

"I've slept with this many girls."

It's kind of weighed about nowadays.

It's not always the best thing to do because I've been there,

done that when I was younger and in the end it doesn't make you happy.

What about you, do you think having sex with just one person

is better, or more people, is that more fun?

I've got someone I'm seeing at the moment.

We have a relationship pretty much like boyfriend and girlfriend...

But for some reason I just don't want to make that step and label it.

It is hard when you're a girl and you're doing what you do

to people because I've been in that situation,

I've had exes that I found out are texting other girls

saying all this shit to other girls,

and it does hurt a lot because, like...

Knocks the confidence.

You want to be the only one they feel that way about and if

they don't, it does knock you down a lot and makes you feel rubbish.

I do try and decriminalise myself as much as possible in the way

I'm not promising them anything and we're not together

and to the point when anyone does become my girlfriend

I would never text anyone else.

You've just got to contemplate you might be hurting people.

I'm not saying you can't do it because obviously

you are not in a relationship, it doesn't matter what you do,

but think about if you are hurting people or not.

It does make me feel bad, the fact that

I'm not just seeing one person.

I wish it wasn't like that.

I wish it wasn't so complicated. I wish it was easy to find someone.

I think meeting the one and settling down has always been pretty tough,

but the truth is, here and now, it might be harder than it's ever been.

Technology may have opened up the world to us

but when it comes to love, it's almost given us too much choice.

On my journey, I guess I found out that there were lots of times

when it was really exciting and fun, but actually most of the time

I just felt restless and paranoid and frankly a bit shit,

because despite going on all these dates

and meeting all these people, I was actually lonelier

and feeling more disconnected than I've ever been.

Turning 18 and becoming a grown-up is hard enough as it is

but now the traditional rules of relationships have changed,

it's even harder to know how you are meant to behave

and what's OK and what's not.

I don't really think I'm ready to settle down with the one just yet,

but there is someone I've really missed and should probably speak to.

MUSIC: "No You Girls" by Franz Ferdinand