Poland The Hairy Bikers' Northern Exposure

-BOTH:

-Woo-hoo!

'The hairy bikers are back on the road...'

-Woo-hoo!

-'..doing what we love most.'

'Biking and cooking!'

-Oh-ho-ho-ho!

-Whoa-ho!

Look at that!

'And it's goin' to be epic!'

'This time, we're heading the furthest north we've ever been...'

We're in the Arctic Circle!

'..in search of exciting food

'and some of the most unexplored places in Europe.'

Ah, it's glorious!

'Our route will take us 2,500 miles round the Baltic Sea.'

'Kicking off in Poland,

'then travelling through the trio of Baltic states to Russia.'

Russia!

'Then across to Finland and North to South through Sweden.

'To understand the food, we must expose ourselves to the elements,

'experience life on the wild side...'

I am a Viking!

'..and test our mettle to the max.'

-Hey, it's cold.

-Well, it's the Baltic, isn't it?!

'I'm expecting vast forests...'

-BOTH:

-Skol!

'..sparkling lakes.'

Wow!

'..and incredible biking roads...'

Look at that!

'There will be hearty home cooking, as well as cutting-edge cuisine.'

That's spot-on.

'..and hopefully, a warm welcome.'

'After all, these people are our northern neighbours.'

'And it's time we got to know them better.'

Our lives are never going to be the same again

after we taste this sausage.

Cheers, mate!

ENGINES REV

MUSIC: "The Boys Are Back In Town" by Thin Lizzy

We're kicking off our epic journey in a country close to our hearts.

BOTH: Poland!

The Poles have been our friends and allies for centuries.

And with 800,000 of them now living in Britain,

they've become our neighbours too.

So, it's time to find out more about THEIR country.

From Gdansk in the north,

we'll travel to the medieval city Torun,

then to the capital, Warsaw.

Before ending in Europe's

last remaining primeval forest, Bialowieza.

'We're going back to basics,

'as we track down some world-class bangers...'

The best sausage I have ever eaten.

'..find the secret ingredient in Poland's favourite vodka...'

-Wow, that's fabulous!

-Na zdrowie!

'..and discover how these amazing people...'

We take our freedom for granted, don't we?

'..have changed our world...'

Ah, proud of that. Solidarnosc!

'..as we are blown away...'

Vodka! Polish vodka!

'..by this wonderful country, packed with surprises.'

This is the land of romance and beauty!

And where better to start than Poland's jewel on the Baltic Sea?

Aw, Kingy, look at that! Gdansk - 1,000 years of history!

-Wow! I can't quite believe it!

-No, I know.

I always thought Gdansk was going to be like a shipbuilding town,

like Hull or Barrow-in-Furness.

You know, a bit rough round the edges.

It's not! It's beautiful!

-It reminds me more of Amsterdam.

-Yeah.

I tell you what though, Si, we could go dancing.

"Strictly Come GDANS-ing!" Ho-ho-ho!

Dear me, Myers!

'Oh, this could be a long trip, you know...'

First impressions of Gdansk are not so much dreary ex-Soviet

as a city break hot spot.

But what's amazing is that these apparently ancient buildings

are in fact NEW - well, newish...

Yes, apparently, the locals rebuilt them

after they were destroyed in World War II.

Which tells us that the Poles take immense pride in their heritage.

And that they are excellent builders.

Ah, Myers, we don't do stereotypes, you know!

First port of call in any strange city,

to define what the people eat, the market!

We can find our bits for pierogi here.

Well, I was hoping for sausages.

But it turns out, there's an even bigger local favourite.

Pierogi is a sort of Polish pasty,

a pop-in-your-mouth parcel of loveliness!

They've been eating them here since the Middle Ages

and the classic filling is cheese and potato.

See, pierogi, it's almost like the national dish of Poland, isn't it?

Oh, absolutely! Well, everybody has their own...

-Their dumplings, if you like.

-The Japanese have gyozas.

Yeah, yeah, and we have numerous, don't we?

'Well, we'd be daft to start with anything else.

'But we need to do something to make it wor own.'

-Pierogi.

-They are gorgeous.

-They are, aren't they?

But I tell you what, shall we just go traditional, dead traditional?

No. Let's do something else! Let's do something...different.

-There is the pierogi that's always served on Christmas Eve.

-Which is?

Sauerkraut and mushrooms.

-I think that's genius.

-And guess what?

-What?

I think I'm going to do some sweet ones.

'Sounds like a cook-off challenge!'

'Aye, my sweet versus your savoury!'

'OK, let's go for the fillings!'

Dzien dobry!

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Dzien dobry!

-Dzien dobry!

-Sauerkraut, this here.

-No sauerkraut.

-Kapusta!

It looks like sauerkraut, it smells like sauerkraut.

-It's sauerkraut. Go on, then.

-Right. Thank you.

'Don't be surprised that Poles have great food markets.

'They've been showing us how to grocery shop for years.

'Both Tesco and Marks & Spencer

'were set up by sons of Polish immigrants.'

'Right, Dave's sorted.

'But I still need me sweet fruit fillings, you know.

'And it looks like I've just found just the place.'

-There we go. Strawberries.

-Strawbs and blueberries.

They're nice, aren't they? Small, sweet...

Hello! One kilo of "truskawkis".

-Blueberries. Great. That will give it colour.

-Ah, fantastic!

-Food is the international language.

-It is.

-Beautiful produce, point, smile.

-Yeah.

-It happens.

'I'm primped and prepped to make proper pierogi!

'And I'm about done with alliterations...

'So, let's get on and cook!'

There's a lovely sauerkraut. European kimchi. Great!

Ooh, it's leaked! Ooh, smell that!

Oh, you dirty minger! Get off!

The first job is to make the pastry.

Flour and salt of course.

And for my sweet ones, a scoop of icing sugar too.

And the zest of a lemon.

Hello!

-She wasn't happy, was she?

-No. What's that you say, madam?

"He's putting lemon in the pierogi. He is pervert!"

Focus, Myers, will you? Un oeuf, s'il vous plait!

Take an egg. One for you, Si. And one for me.

Two tablespoons in each of sour cream or smetana.

Two tablespoons of water.

Pierogi is a dumpling, isn't it?

I love dumplings. It's something that I just love.

Dumplings... Dumplings...

-Ooh, look at the dumplings!

-Oo-oo-ooh!

And it's a brilliant way of using up leftovers.

I mean, oxtail pierogi are good.

But anything. Cheese and onion. Crisps...

No, you wouldn't put crisps in pierogi.

I was getting carried away then!

What's your favourite filling in your pierogi?

-Erm, meat!

-Meat?

-Meat.

-Yeah!

I'm doing sweet. So, we've got sweet pierogi as well.

That didn't go down well, did it!

LAUGHTER

It's not looking good for you, Si!

Clingfilm! Now, that needs to rest now,

which gives us just time to make the fillings.

I hope it's not this lot we've got to impress, mate, I tell you

They look friendly but I'm messing with their national treasure!

Poland has the most wonderful mushrooms and fungi.

Now, I've got some dried "podgrzybek brunatny suszony krojony..."

40 grams!

So, I'm just going to take about 15 grams,

soak them in boiling water, 20 minutes.

And this is going to be like the engine room of my pierogi.

-It's burning!

-It's burning!

Oh, hellfire!

Oh, ho...!

DAVE LAUGHS

-Here's one we prepared earlier!

-No worries.

Look at that, the cranes of Gdansk.

That's a tribute to my late mother,

who was a crane driver in Barrow-in-Furness.

And she loved it, me mother.

And she'd be proud of my pierogi filling.

Diced mushrooms and onions,

fried with garlic, to give it a real depth of flavour.

I like an old-fashioned garlic crusher.

One squirt and it's out.

Story of my life, that!

-Do you know how to make pierogi?

-Yes.

-Pierogi.

Pierogi. Pie-, pie-, pierogi.

-Here, Dave's pulled!

-What?

'Now, one vital ingredient for an authentic pierogi,

'sweet or savoury,

'is a pair of Polish hats.'

I'll tell you what, it looks attractive on you, dude, that.

Thanks, thanks!

I need to cook down all my ingredients and leave them to cool.

-THEY CHEER

-Vodka!

Next, I'm whacking in some herbs.

Parsley and some dill.

And that's me filling done.

Right then. I'm going to start on me strawberries.

Lovely strawberries, these!

And to finish my winningly simple sweet filling,

I'm piling in some raspberries and blueberries.

Now, you know what we're ready to do, don't you?

Let's make pierogi.

That's pi-er-ogi, Dave! One point to me, I think!

Put the filling on one side of the pastry -

fruit, obviously, if you want to win.

Or sauerkraut with mushrooms.

Just don't use crisps!

Now, fold it and press it. Then just cut it. Tidy.

And look at that. A pierogi of such perfection.

And leave them for about four, five minutes.

When those little fellows on the bottom have come to the surface,

Pierogis 'R Us!

And when they're done, my savoury pierogi are decorated

with an irresistible combo

of buttery oniony breadcrumbs and fresh chives.

Yum, yum, yum!

But meanwhile, my sweet treats are fried off with cinnamon

and a sprinkle of sugar.

Right now, beat that!

These things are so popular,

there's a special pierogi festival every August in Krakow.

-It's a shame we can't get there!

-Never mind, dude, though.

We'll have to make do with these little beauties.

-After you, dear boy.

-Get in!

I'll tell you what's great, mate - the intensity of the flavour.

This could turn me vegetarian.

-Pudding, dear heart?

-Why not? After you, mate...

-These are crispy.

-Oh, yeah! Good?

Oh-ho, they're beyond good.

First pierogi in Poland. Brilliant.

That's pierogi, a winning dish both ways.

Having been brought up among shipyard workers,

there is a pilgrimage we have to make before leaving Gdansk.

We want to pay a personal tribute to some heroes

whose actions not only changed the face of Poland,

but encouraged oppressed people across the world

to take up the fight for freedom.

These are the famous Gdansk shipyards,

where electrician Lech Walesa led a workers' strike.

And created Solidarity -

the Soviet bloc's first free trade union.

This was the symbolic heart

of Poland's defiant fight-back against communism.

We're here, mate! Gate 2! Gdansk Shipyard.

To think those gates, that's where 16,000 men came out on strike,

and it virtually marked the end of communism in Eastern Europe.

It did, it did.

And, what I find fascinating, what sparked the strike,

the rise in meat prices.

-Yes!

-And all the lads went, "We're not having it."

Because you know what the Poles are like for meat,

-they love their meat.

-Yeah, yeah.

Big hike in prices, everybody came out to strike.

MUSIC: "Shipbuilding" by Robert Wyatt

-You can imagine everybody stood here, can't you?

-Yeah.

Massive meeting.

"A warning to rulers that no social conflict in our country

"can be resolved by force.

"A sign of hope for fellow citizens that evil need not prevail."

Here, I got you a little present, my old comrade.

Aw, mate!

I'm proud of that.

-We'll put it on our social media doodah.

-Yes.

-Solidarnosc!

-Nice one.

-Oh, mate, that's brilliant.

I'll treasure that.

As the son of a shipbuilder,

I feel really proud of what these men started.

The catalyst for political freedom across Eastern Europe.

-Workers at Gdansk...

-BOTH: We salute you!

Well, that's it.

We've done it all in Gdansk now.

But there's the rest of Poland to explore.

And, best of all, a world of sausages to discover.

# Hey, if you ever want to get away a while... #

Ooh, I couldn't be more excited

if this whole adventure had been dipped in chocolate!

Tell us about it, dude!

Just being back on my bike with my best mate is epic.

You know, like many people, I've got loads of Polish mates

and it's so nice to go back to their roots

and learn a bit more about the people we feel we know so well.

Absolutely.

# People around you, just a little too slick

# I got room here in my front seat... #

It's good here, it's 4.83 zlotys. It's lovely money, isn't it?

Nirodowy Bank Polski, yeah? I've got 200 zlotys.

I wonder if they've got any good garage snacks.

'Like back home, you can tell what's really popular

'by what they sell in places like this.'

You coming with me? Erm...

-Eight-ski.

-Eight.

-Oh, look!

-Ooh!

-Chilli dogs.

-Big dogs.

'Well, they look nice enough,

'but if I'm going to find the perfect Polish banger,

'it probably won't be in a petrol station.'

# Leavin' the world and the worry behind

# Makin' up time

# We're gonna drive... #

Oh, Dave, I'm salivating! Can we stop? Can we? Go on, go on.

-Can we stop? Go on.

-All in good time, Kingy.

-I've set our satnavs for Torun.

-Do they make sausages there?

Well, no, but you'll like it.

The medieval old town is officially one of the seven wonders of Poland.

-You know what's even better?

-What? What?

-It's the country's gingerbread capital!

-Mmm!

Yes! Let's go, my little friend!

The architecture of Poland has blown me away.

-We appreciate things like that, don't we?

-We do.

-Aye.

-BELL TOLLS

-Ahhhh!

-Wow! Look at the square, man.

It has got the sharpest spires of anywhere I've ever seen.

Torun is certainly beautiful,

but we're not here for the architecture.

'No, we're heading for the bakeries where gingerbread -

'or pierniki in Polish -

'is an edible art form.'

Pierniki!

Oh, breathe it in, Si! That's the smell of history.

Look at this, man!

Look at the chocolate ones!

They've been making gingerbread in Torun for over 700 years

and, according to local legend,

it was all started by a baker's daughter called Katarzynka.

She'd be proud of the place now!

It is absolutely amazing.

I didn't think you could do that much with gingerbread, you know.

-Shall we just get a mixed bag so we can have a dabble?

-Yeah.

-Could we have one of those, please?

-This packet?

-Yes, perfect, thank you.

Go on, choose, lucky dip.

Ooh...

-You got a chocolate one!

-Funny, that.

-Oh, it's got apricot in the middle.

-Ooh, look, I got a heart.

-What's in it?

-Just gingerbread.

-It's like ginger cake, isn't it, really?

-Yeah.

Despite gingerbread's popularity here,

its creator - the baker's daughter -

isn't Torun's most celebrated citizen.

Round these parts, the number one home-grown star is -

-drumroll, please...

-DRUMROLL

Nicolaus Copernicus.

Aye, and it was his book on the revolutions of celestial spheres

-that changed the very way we think about the universe.

-Yes.

He was the first one to work out that we all rotated around the sun

and, in fact, the planets were spinning.

But when you think about it, mate,

that must have been a pretty heretical kind of thought process.

Yeah, it's interesting that the book was published on his deathbed

and some people say it was because he was afraid of ridicule -

that nobody would believe him or again it would be heretical.

-But obviously you were right, Nicolaus.

-He certainly was.

-Imagine if the world was made of gingerbread.

-Ooh!

Oh, I tell you what - Copernicus isn't the only genius around here.

I've got a cracking idea

that'll show his revolutionary theory in action...

using gingerbread!

I think you'll find that Copernicus

had slightly more than a cracking idea, dude.

OK, I'm officially excited.

Not only are we in the world's most famous gingerbread town,

but we're going to meet a band of brothers who are perfectly placed

to help me build my own unique model of the solar system!

-Gentlemen, how are you?

-Hello.

-Nice to meet you.

'So there's a bit of gingerbread expertise in the family, then?'

'Expertise? Wait till you hear this.'

My grandfather made gingerbread, my father made gingerbread,

we make gingerbread now.

Well, Si, this is the place to come to learn how to make gingerbread.

-I'll put my thinking glasses on.

-Go on, then. Go on, go on.

Because I'm still at a loss as to what you want to do.

'The big-hearted brothers have agreed

'to help me with my master plan - to mix astronomy with gastronomy!'

We've got the team of guys working.

We're building the solar system out of gingerbread.

What better homage to Copernicus could there be?

Copernicus, of course, was the first person to show

that the planets revolved around the sun.

Your model, Dave, would more correctly be called an orrery.

Ha-ha! A gingerbread orrery!

Listen, this is a serious art in Torun, gingerbread,

so we need to know how to make it.

'OK, if you insist, here goes.

'This is how these guys make gingerbread.

'He took loads - and I mean LOADS - of sugar.

'When it's turned into liquid caramel, add water.'

-It's very elemental, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

'Then add honey.'

Ah, get in, lads!

'And flour.'

'Then add the secret mix of spices.'

Smell that, Kingy! Don't drip in it, smell it!

What's in here, Frank?

Frank's not telling.

'Finally, stick it in the fridge for three months

'cos that's how long it takes for the flavour to mature.'

Whoa! Kingy, come in here! Which one do you go for?

Look at that strawberry there. Ooh, the chocolate log!

All right, let's get out of here before we make a mess.

Come on, Dave, come on.

'Mmm, CAKE!'

Hee-hee-hee! You all right there, mate?

Sorry, it's just shut.

-BANGING ON DOOR

-Hold on, I'm trying.

You did, didn't you? He flipping did, you know!

Now we've unravelled the mysteries of Polish gingerbread, the orrery!

'And now, only 472 years late,

'my tribute to Torun's very own astronomical superstar.

'See? You don't get that at your local planetarium, do you?'

You see, Kingy, I'm gilding the sun in gold leaf.

Ooh, look at that - Mars, the red planet.

-Dave?

-What? Oh, that's nice. See, that's Jupiter.

-What's that?

-Neptune. It's beautiful, isn't it?

-It's like Pat Butcher's earring.

-Neptune, Pluto...

-We're only missing Saturn.

-I just want a sausage.

Kingy, can you make Mercury? The slices are over there.

I'm fed up with it. I am.

I'm now fed up with gingerbread

and, anyway, Poland doesn't just revolve around gingerbread.

It revolves around sausages

and we need to go and find some sausages.

You promised me we'd come to Poland and we'd have sausages

and we haven't had any yet.

Well, not until we finish the solar system, no.

Look, there's Poland there in the middle.

Earth - just the right distance from the sun to support life.

'Right! If Dave's not getting me the food that I want,

'it's time I took matters into my own hands.'

Frank, I need an address for somebody that makes great sausage

and you and I are the shape of men who like sausage.

Thank you. Frank, you're a good man.

-Kingy?

-What?

I bet no-one in the world has ever made a gingerbread orrery.

I just want a sausage.

You hold the sun. Take care, it's hot.

No, no, no, from the hanger.

The sun is at the centre of everything.

-Neppers.

-Neptune. I've got Pluto caught on my head.

'Good job it wasn't Uranus.'

-I'm stuck!

-Are you?

-Yes!

LAUGHTER

Aye, Copernicus missed that one!

The gilded orb that is the sun.

-It is quite trippy.

-Yeah.

-It looks, er...natural.

Voila!

My tribute to the local legend Copernicus who convinced us

that the sun, not the Earth, was the centre of the solar system.

This is all well and good,

but my sun is now revolving around the sausage.

-I happen to have an address where they do sausages.

-Excellent.

As much as I love gingerbread, I love sausage more.

Do you know what, Kingy? I think I've got the message by now.

Good! Cos I won't be kept apart from top-notch bangers any longer, dude.

We're off to meet a bloke who makes them.

They're called kielbasa round here

and they're the cornerstone of Polish food.

-I hope they're good.

-Apparently, mate, they're the best in Poland.

Well, at least that's what Big Frank says, anyway.

The only trouble is our sausage guru

lives in the middle of nowhere.

And Kingy's in charge of navigation.

Yeah, I'm telling you, there's sausages here.

This is where the bloke told us to go.

Ooh, methinks Kingy's leading me up the proverbial!

Oh, let's stop and ask someone.

-Vodka! Polish vodka!

-Polish vodka!

SHE SPEAKS IN GERMAN

-Ah, thank you.

-Congratulations!

-Have you just been married?

-Danke!

We're trying to find sausage. This is going to be interesting.

We're trying to find sausages.

SHE SPEAKS IN GERMAN

-Yes, down?

-SHE CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GERMAN

Left, right - who cares? I love Poland!

-That just wouldn't happen back home.

-Bonkers, but brilliant.

I told you, you didn't trust us and I knew we would get here eventually.

Blimey! It looks like the whole family's turned out to say hello.

'Andrew, our host,

'runs the most successful artisan sausage business for miles around.'

Since we arrived in Poland,

-I've been desperate to try Polish sausage.

-We love sausages!

We do, that's partly why we're this shape.

'We're thrilled that he's persuaded his dad Henryk,

'who has been making sausages for over 50 years,

'to share some of his secrets.'

Hello, sir, pleased to meet you.

HE SPEAKS IN POLISH

They are masters.

Ah, master kielbasa makers! I can't wait!

-HE SPEAKS IN POLISH

-Yes?

-Some history.

-Yeah.

HE SPEAKS IN POLISH

Parents used to raise pigs here.

'This lovely translator is a friend of the family.

'In a nutshell,

'here's what we were told about Andrew's sausage-making mum and dad.

'Anna and Henryk have been married and living here for over 60 years.'

'For most of the time, they had no running water or electricity,

'but that didn't stop them raising seven children and making sausages.'

'There are over 100 types in Poland, but today,

'we're making Henryk's award-winning country sausage recipe

'and it starts with a load of this stuff.'

This is good garlic.

That's the garlic in. There's the fat.

'We're using best brined pork for these babies.'

We've just put the fat through a really fine blading

and this one is a little bit chunky, which is the lean meat. Beautiful!

I hate messed-about sausages.

I hate chilli and tomato sausages with a hint of oregano.

So Polish sausage...

We like simple sausage, just salt, pepper and garlic.

And it's interesting, you've no cereals,

cos we put cereals in some of our sausages.

-Yeah.

-And this is just pure meat.

HE SPEAKS IN POLISH

-Black pepper in sausage.

-And surprise - sugar.

Why is that? Why do we put sugar in?

-SHE SPEAKS IN POLISH

-It tastes better.

Finally, we add some water and get stuck in.

We need to put lots of heart into it.

-Heart.

-Heart and power.

Come on, tiger! Come on!

Yeah!

So, how is my technique comparing to Henryk's?

In 20 years' time, maybe you will come a bit closer to his technique!

Time for the all-important seal of approval from the man himself.

Warning - if you're not the king of kielbasa

who's been making sausages for half a century,

don't be tasting your pork mix raw.

Tak.

'Hey, tak means yes, you know!'

Right, mate, got the casings?

Right, sausage.

Oh, that's a good-looking sausage.

Nice one, Kingy!

I tell you what, it's been worth coming to Poland

to learn how to make sausages.

'To the smoker with these beauties, post-haste!'

Oh, wow!

-Simplicity itself.

-Yeah, yeah.

-It's superb.

They need up to three hours in here.

What a wonderful family, Si.

You know, they haven't got much, but the generosity...

-It's just the warmth of the welcome is fabulous, man.

-Oh, I know.

The Polish community is the third-biggest in Britain.

It must be so hard for the kids over there who leave their families.

The average wage over here is 500 euros a month

-so they can't live on it.

-No, you can't

-and it's a shame because...

-It is a shame.

It's massively family-oriented here and it must break their hearts

-when they have to come.

-Oh, yeah, it would be hard.

We're halfway through now

-and if I was Polish, I wouldn't want to leave my home.

-No.

Because it's fabulous. The people are warm.

I didn't really have any idea about what Poland actually was.

I think our lives are never going to be the same again

after we taste this sausage.

I sincerely hope not!

-Oh!

-Oh, look at that, man!

'But we still can't eat them!'

It's just below boil, Si, so it's going to be like a poach.

'At last - a proper home-made Polish sausage!

'I've waited a long time for this, you know.

'Bottoms up or whatever you say!'

One, two, three...

Ohh...

They are SO good. The spicing's perfect.

That is, without doubt, the best sausage I have ever eaten.

'The crowd seem happy enough,

'but will our sausages cut the mustard

'with the man whose opinion really matters?'

-Are they as good as yours, Henryk?

-They are really good.

It's made without any preservatives.

It's not a shame to serve these.

'So, Andrew likes them, his family likes them

'and, most importantly, his mum and dad would be happy to serve them.'

Do you know what? You can't get better praise than that, can you?

Cheers.

Here, Kingy, got you a present.

-We're on the road again.

-Yes, Poland!

-I love a sticker.

-Oh, it's mint.

Do you know, I had such a wonderful day yesterday but I did lie awake

in bed thinking, you know, that the sausages were great,

but so were the family.

My thoughts were with them, you know,

-cos they've had such a hard life!

-Yeah.

She brought up seven children during Communism

without any running water or electricity.

And I think that that speaks volumes, doesn't it,

-for the tenacity of the Polish spirit.

-Yeah.

And, I mean, they've really come through it.

But also they're a gentle race of people as well.

But, you know, throughout all that, there's been one constant

for the family, hasn't there?

BOTH: Sausages.

-Where are you putting yours?

-I don't know.

Oh, on the back here, look. I'm just going to do this.

We're leaving rural Poland behind and heading to the big city -

Warsaw.

I'm dead excited to see what it's like!

Gotcha!

There it is, the Royal Castle, seat of Polish kings,

and the gateway to the old town.

And it says here in me guidebook

"it's a labyrinth of pedestrian streets

"that makes up the heart of the city and dates back to the 13th century."

It's right up there with Prague or Rome, Kingy.

Wow, look at this, Dave!

Posh shops, the lot, it is a thriving European city.

Big cafe culture.

You're not wrong about the cafe culture, Si.

The Poles are absolutely mad for their puds and cakes.

And their out-and-out favourite is cheesecake.

We should make one right here in Warsaw.

Capital idea, Mr King.

Let's take a spin around the city and then get cooking!

It's the Palace of Culture and Science,

given to Warsaw as a gift, if you like, in 1955, by Stalin.

It's a big brutal statement of architecture that, innit?

It's quite pretty, though.

-Reminds me of the Empire State Building.

-Yeah.

-You know that building, that kind of modern one?

-No.

Do you know that used to be the head of the Communist Party here,

and then, typical Poland,

they turned it into the Stock Exchange!

You see, there again, Poland's indomitable spirit!

Big V to Communism.

I tell you what, though, I wasn't expecting so many skyscrapers.

This place is clearly on the up.

But it's got heritage too.

Let's make our cheesecake fit for a king in front of a palace!

Well, here we are at the Wilanow Palace.

Now, this is kind of Warsaw's answer and Poland's answer

to, well, Versailles.

It's beautiful, look at it.

Chopin played here.

-This is the land of romance and beauty.

-It is, it is.

And we're going to do a recipe which is fitting of that -

a strawberry vodka cheesecake.

Cos among the many things the Poles are great at,

there is, of course, growing strawberries and making vodka.

And in honour of the Polish composer who put the waltz into Warsaw...

I want that strawberry pricked in the style of Chopin.

Two, three, one.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

DAVE HUMS ALONG

It's just a touch of class.

-It is, Dave, we're all class, us.

-Yeah.

Cheesecake has been Poland's number-one pud

since Chopin was in short trousers.

So to meet the Poles' demanding standards,

I'm making the base using both plain and chocolate biscuits.

Crumbs in bowl. Ahh!

Which vodka shall we use, Si?

Wheatgrass vodka, vodka-vodka.

-Vodka-vodka?

-Vodka-vodka.

-Vodka with half-naked lady on back.

I like that vodka particularly.

And then there's the legendary bison grass vodka -

flavoured with grass hand-picked in a primeval forest

where wild bison roam.

Now that's cool.

Do you know what?

For a piece of innocuous grass,

it's got the most incredible flavour.

It's got the most incredible reputation.

What is bison grass?

It may be covered in bison spit.

-I think we need to look at this.

-I think we do.

But for now, just chuck it onto the strawberries.

Two North. Three.

To macerate, we now take one tablespoon of sugar.

And then you put one teaspoon of vanilla bean paste.

While the strawberries are macerating,

I'm adding a diet-busting dollop of butter to the biscuit mix.

Well, we're in Poland, you can't cook Polish food without butter!

For flavour, some cinnamon.

And a pinch of salt.

I've lined the bottom of me tin with grease-proof,

I'm going to pile me rubble in.

Can I ask a favour, Mr King?

You certainly canski.

I don't feel I could bring an oven out here,

so could you pop to the kitchen, pop this in the oven,

and I'm going to listen to some Chopin.

Don't be long.

Where is it?

Diagonal Alley. Let's go down here.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS

Right...

-Kitchen?

-Yes, exactly. Here.

-Oh!

PIANO PLAYS

Bake for five to ten minutes at 180 degrees. Easy!

PIANO PLAYS

Dave.

Dave!

-Dave!

-DAVE YELLS

What are you doing?

It was my last movement.

SI SIGHS

-Have you done it?

-Yeah, I have!

Right, let's make the filling.

You can't have cheesecake, in my opinion, without cheese.

Cream cheese, curd cheese, about 500 grams, Mr King.

We add a teaspoon of vanilla bean paste

and get a member of the kitchen staff to mix it together.

That'll be me.

The rest of this recipe is easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Sugar for sweetness, double cream for richness,

cornflour to stop it splitting,

and eggs to make it set.

And then it's the start of the show!

Our strawberries, macerated in Polish vodka!

This is a baked cheesecake, it's what I would call a proper cheesecake.

Some people now call it a New York style cheesecake.

The Polish have been eating it long before then.

It's one of their favourite puddings.

Absolutely, but maybe it was the Polish migrants

that went to New York that took the cheesecake with them.

To guarantee an even cook, we're going to bake our cheesecake

to beat all cheesecakes in a bain-marie, or water bath.

Could you, dear heart?

You are pushing your flaming luck.

And don't jiggle it in your buggy. Good man.

I'll murder Myers.

Fill your bain-marie to an inch from the top with boiling water.

So the bain-marie, one hour 15 minutes, 180 degrees.

And be careful. Crumbs!

Dave!

-Ow!

-Up wi' you, man!

Oh, that looks good. Well done.

Right, now, this is the residue from the macerated strawberries.

I'm going to take that with some strawberry jam,

we're going to render it down to a glaze.

Meanwhile, can you half strawberries for me?

-Shall we start to decorate?

-Yes.

Now, don't rush this bit. It should look as good as it tastes.

And the jammy boozy glaze should help with both.

-Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

-Get in.

-BOTH: Ohh!

-Man.

-Oh, man!

Yes.

Mate, it's an unadulterated triumph.

-Oh! It is, it is. It's two of their finest products.

-Yes.

And one of their finest traditions,

and you know, I think we've done it justice.

So do I, so do I.

Well, it's goodnight for me.

-And it's goodnight from him.

-BOTH: Goodnight.

We're ticking off the classics of Polish food, Kingy!

-Baked cheesecake.

-Tick!

-Home-made Polish sausages.

-Tick, tick!

-Authentic gingerbread.

-Oh, tick, tick, tick!

Proper pierogi.

That's four ticks already.

So what's left?

Next up, mate, the secret of the special grass

that goes into every bottle of bison grass vodka.

HORN TOOTS

It's the last leg of our road trip.

And we're heading east to the Bialowieza primeval forest.

But there's a place en route where we want to stop first.

It's a place which commemorates the darker side of Polish history

and it's sometimes called The Place That God Forgot.

We both feel it's important to stop and pay our respects

to those who died here.

This is the former site of the Nazi extermination camp Treblinka,

where nearly a million Jews were systematically murdered.

In October 1943, with the Russians advancing,

the Nazis eradicated all traces of the camp.

But the Poles were not prepared to let these people be forgotten

and created this remarkable memorial.

It says here, Dave, that the extermination policy affected

all members of the Jewish nation, from babies to old men.

So 900,000 people came in here to die.

The Nazis even built a station frontage with fake timetables

to convince the new arrivals

that this was a rest stop on their promised journey east.

And they were stopping off to freshen up and have a shower,

which was exactly the opposite.

They were pushed into gas chambers.

They weren't...they didn't even look at them as human beings.

-They couldn't have, Dave.

-No, they couldn't, they couldn't.

Well, mate, I guess this is the platform.

Right, so I think the train would pull up here.

Look at the length of the platform.

-How many people would be on this?

-Thousands.

What was it they called it as well? Was it...?

-The Road to Heaven. Yeah.

-It wasn't, it was the road to the gas chambers.

This must be where the trains came from, Dave, all the countries.

It is beyond horror.

It is. It is beyond horror.

Have you seen where the Jewish people put stones on

instead of flowers?

Everybody's equal, everybody has...

They have their own spark of life. How dare somebody else dictate

that they're not even entitled to survive,

even that their history wasn't worth anything.

-No, no.

-Thousands of years of culture.

-But it has survived.

-It has.

-That's the thing, it has survived.

You know what I'm trying to take from this, that there was

nearly a million people who had their lives taken from them?

We need to remember.

What never ceases to astound me

-is the tenacity of the human spirit and the faith in hope.

-Yes.

-There's always hope.

-Yes.

If everything else is taken away, there's always hope,

and do you know what?

Nazi Germany didn't succeed.

-No.

-They didn't succeed.

We're coming to the end of our road trip through Poland,

but there's still one big treat ahead.

Cos we're off in search of a rare ingredient

used to flavour a gold medal award-winning vodka

that's the taste and toast of Poland.

It's an aromatic grass that grows in the Bialowieza primeval forest,

a UNESCO World Heritage Site, no less.

And it's got bison in it, dude!

The world's largest population of European bison.

And they're after the same thing we are - the bison grass.

We've arranged to join one of the very few families

that are allowed to collect this wild grass.

And in return, we've promised to cook them a Polish classic,

a lip-smacking stew of meat and cabbage called bigos.

Flipping heck!

Oh, wow!

-This...

-It's yours.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-Simon James King...

-Yeah?

You've been poorly. I want you to have the best 24 hours of your life.

I've got a cake!

This is the czar's train. It may have got a new bed, like.

-It's fabulous.

-It is.

-And we're going to cook bigos.

-Yeah?

-And we're going to go for bison grass vodka.

-Oh, what's not to love?

-This is yours. I want you to be special.

-Brilliant.

BOTH: Mmm!

-Nice cake!

-Thing is, get the bigos on and have an early night,

cos we have to get up quite early tomorrow...

-Uh-huh.

-..cos we have to get up at four o'clock

to pick the bison grass.

Anyway, spit-spot, let's go and cook bigos

and have an early night in your wonderful suite.

I'm going to flamin' murder you.

We've saved the best for last.

A deliciously hearty stew, loved by every Pole.

It's the mighty bigos.

Look at that.

Now, this may not be one for the vegetarians.

In fact, I don't think it's going to work with Quorn!

For centuries, bigos has been made with whatever meat you had to hand.

But pork belly and smoked sausage are an absolute must.

Sausage for later, and smoky meat for later.

We'll put the smoky meat in after.

Now, what we're going to do is start to cook the meat.

Once this starts the colour off, we just keep adding meat.

It's brilliant.

# Oh, how lovely cooks the meat

# Oh, how lovely cooks the meat

# When I get back home to eat

# Oh, how lovely cooks the meat.

# I smell it faraway

# And I've thought of it all day

# She's cooking the meat for me

# What a meal it's going to be. #

There are no rules when cooking a bigos.

The bigos is what you make it.

We're in the woods, so we're going to use some dried porcini mushrooms.

While the mushrooms soak, I'm frying onions, juniper berries,

and caraway seeds in butter, which'll give it

that classic taste of Poland.

Poland means "people of the land,"

and bigos captures that perfectly with a mix of meat and cabbage.

Half pickled cabbage, half fresh.

It's just like making a nice little bed for it.

Then we need some chopped tomatoes on top.

Indeed, the etymology of the word bigos means "slashed" or "chopped."

-Also, it can mean confused.

-So, you could call...

-You're a bit bigos on occasions, you!

-Completely!

The delicacy is just in the flavour.

It's so good, because what's important about a great bigos

is that you taste every layer of meat. You taste it all.

It's not just a big muddy, meaty substance -

you taste the pork, you taste the beef.

That's the whole thing about it.

-It is a symphony, and you still want to hear the flute.

-You do.

Add stock.

Now just pop it into a preheated oven at log mark three

for anywhere between 20 and 40 minutes.

Unlike ours, bigos is usually a perpetual stew

topped up daily with whatever meat and cabbage is available.

Hey, who's this?

HE BLOWS ON FLUTE

I've got it! I've got it!

-Jethro Tull, Living In The Past.

-Yes!

-Wahey!

'Right, that's enough of living in the past.

'Let's crack on with the future, dude.'

The future of our bigos.

It's looking great, actually.

Oh, look at that baby.

Now for the next stage,

we add fresh cabbage,

the dried mushrooms.

And not forgetting the mushroomy water.

The smoked meat and that wonderful Polish sausage.

And top it off with grated apple.

It's a bigos, it's not a little-os.

Lid on.

That goes back in the oven for a couple of hours.

'But the dish is best cooled and then recooked

'to intensify the flavours.'

'So we'll be giving it another hour tomorrow

'because we're going to serve it to the bison grass folk

'to say a big thank you.'

I've just had a thought.

-There's a lot of wildlife in these woods.

-Yes.

That wouldn't be good if a bear came round and nicked wor bigos.

If a bear comes round, he can have that bigos.

-Well, I'm not asking for it back, I'll tell you.

-No.

Right-ho, time for bed.

Oh, it's our last sleep in Poland, boo-hoo!

COCKEREL CROWS

It's four in the morning and I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed

cos today, we're going to see for ourselves

how the unique ingredient of bison grass vodka is harvested.

Hey! How did you sleep?

Brilliant. It's a good idea this.

The sleep of the czars.

But, you know, this is so special what we're doing, Si.

-There are only five families in this whole area...

-Right.

..that can gather the bison grass.

The Poles have been flavouring their vodka with the bison grass

from this forest for over 600 years.

And it is still picked by hand.

'We're joining Kristina and her mum, Maria,

'who have been collecting this elusive grass

'since they were girls.'

'As well as Lukasz, an official forest guide.'

Well, this lady is one of the chosen few

who is allowed to pick and find the bison grass,

which goes in the bison grass vodka.

We're about eight mile into the interior of the National Forest.

It's wonderful.

We will follow this gorgeous woman.

LAUGHTER

I love this!

'D'you know, I reckon our subtitles are having a little joke!'

It all looks the same, the grass.

I feel like Dr Livingstone here.

'The valuable wild grass only grows in a few parts of the forest.'

Is that it?

Is it?

'Even if you know where to look, it's still hard to find!'

How do you know?

-Bison grass looks different.

-It looks different.

It has white pollen on the blades.

Is this a bit?

-No.

-No!

-What about that?

-It's wider.

-Right.

-It's not easy to recognise

that's why we have two specialists to do it.

You'll never take the grass in your vodka for granted again,

-would you Kingy?

-Absolutely not, mate.

Oh, yeah.

Look, it's different.

-It's spiky, isn't it?

-Innit?

'Back in the day legend has it that the grass gave you

'the strength of a forest beast.'

So if I eat this, will it give me the power and passion of a bison?

GUIDE ASKS MARIA IN POLISH

Yeah...

THEY LAUGH

-It tastes like bison grass vodka.

-Does it?

-Taste that.

Wow, that's fabulous!

-No wonder the bison like eating it.

-Yeah.

It's an amazing flavour, it is.

-It's kind of vanilla-y with...

-Coconut.

-Yeah, coconut. It's mad.

-Mmm.

-Beautiful.

'But creating the unique taste of this vodka

'isn't as simple as just popping a blade into a bottle.

'So Maria's invited us to see what happens to the grass next.

'Forget your big, industrial processes -

'this is authentic, traditional.'

Wow!

This is a fragrant, secret chamber, isn't it?

So, what happens next, Maria?

SHE RESPONDS IN POLISH

-So when you have fresh grass...

-Yes.

-..taken from the forest,

-you need to have it on the storage here.

-Yes.

You need to flip it over twice a day.

'The grass is dried for three weeks,

'then turned into a tincture to flavour the vodka,

'with only the most beautiful blades

'reserved for decorating the bottles.'

You know, Si, I love it that we've unravelled the story

of bison grass vodka.

The way that that piece of grass is picked in the woods.

It's dried somewhere like this

and then, basically, it goes all over the world.

That's a little bit of Poland, mate, right across the planet. Lovely.

MARIA RESPONDS IN POLISH

SI CHUCKLES

Aw...

'We may have found the bison grass,

'but we can't leave without seeing the actual animal ourselves.

'The trouble is there's only 520 of them roaming wild

'in over 3,000 square miles of forest.

'So we'd have to be David Attenborough to spot one.'

So what we thought we'd do is bring you here to what, in effect,

is the forest park because after the First World War,

they were nearly extinct.

So what this park is doing is creating a gene pool

in case anything like that happens again.

'Thanks to the tenacious Poles and other conservationists,

'this breeding centre within the forest

'has helped rebuild the stock of European bison

'from just 50 or so captive animals.

'And, in so doing,

'saved Europe's largest land animal from extinction.'

Do you know, you do have a look.

-Do you think? Of a bison?

-Mmm.

Look, look, look.

# Beauty and the beast... #

No, I don't.

-You do, you look dead hard when you do that?

-You reckon.

Right, let's get back to the famous and delicious Polish stew!

-It's all meat.

-The bigos is on.

Do you know, the legend has it there was a king of Poland,

Wladyslaw Jagiello.

In 1385, it could have been in these very woods,

he came with his game, put it in a pan and created bigos.

It could be an urban myth. It's like the Earl of Sandwich making butties,

-but I'm sure my father made them before then.

-Aye, yeah.

Tell the ladies and gentlemen what was in bigos.

Well, I'll tell you. Cabbage and lots of everything else.

-Brilliant.

-That's about it, isn't it?

-Fundamentally.

-Flatbreads - I've been knocking them out like a good 'un. Look at them!

I think we should leave the bikes here and have a party!

But, you know for every good party,

you need music - cue music.

MUSIC COMMENCES

Wah! Now, you see.

You think this might be a cheap overdub, mightn't you,

with some recorded band somewhere.

No! It's a Hairy Bikers show - not with Dave and I.

Have a look at that! Look!

MUSIC AND SINGING

See...told you.

Yay!

That was brilliant.

-Lukasz.

-Yeah.

-What's Polish for "food's ready"?

Um, we call "obiad".

Obiad! Obiad! Obiad!

Flipping heck, it's like a stampede! Hold on.

Right, super.

So this is the perfect, perfect character of the bigos.

All of the meat has kind of just melted into one another.

It's so succulent and tender.

And all of the big pieces like the sausage

and the pieces of ham,

have kept their integrity so there's something to chew on.

This is the moment of truth for the bigos, mate.

-It certainly is.

-Have we pulled it off?

-Ah!

-What do you reckon?

-Mm, mm.

I think she's saying this bigos is as good as my grandmother's

and she's cooked bigos since 1573.

This is the best I've tasted.

That's the great thing about bigos.

It's warm, it's friendly.

It's about celebration and friends

and everybody eating together.

And that...

That's Poland on a plate.

Na zdrowie!

SINGING AND MUSIC

You know, Si, this has to be the most diverse trip that we've done.

It was full of surprises, full of hospitality,

full of generosity.

I love the generosity of Poland.

Do you know what though, Dave? I think it's a beautiful country

and the food is fantastic.

What was your favourite thing to eat?

Do you know what? Bigos. What about you?

Pierogi.

I'm a devil for a dumpling!

-And those sausages...

-Oooh.

The family are just amazing.

-You know when we were in Gdansk and we went to the shipyard?

-Yes.

-At that point, I kind of got Poland.

-Yes.

-The tenacity of the Poles.

-Yeah.

They were going,

"OK, it doesn't matter what anybody else throws at us,

"we still have an identity, we still want to do what we want to do

"as a race of people."

Yeah, it's a great country.

-And we love it.

-We do.

BOTH: Next time!

'Why go to one country when you can go to three!'

We're going to have a lick at the future.

I'd like licking the future.

'We'll be eating our way through Lithuania...'

Where will we put our crosses?

'..Latvia...'

This is a fish lovers' paradise.

'..and Estonia!'

Yee-ha!